


We Should Just Kiss Like Real People Do

by L1av



Series: We Should Just Kiss [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political Animals
Genre: Aftercare, Alcohol, Anal Fisting, Anal Sex, Angsty TJ Hammond, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Come play, Crossover Pairings, Double Penetration, Drug Use, Felching, M/M, Mention of attempted suicide, Metal Arm Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve, Rimming, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Steve Rogers Feels, Threesome - M/M/M, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, Wax Play, and after, bottom TJ Hammond, gifs in end notes each chapter, honestly these boys are just switches at this point, its between them both, mentions of milking, mentions of torture, saliva as lube on occasion, supersoldier sandwich, this story is getting kinkier as it progresses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:13:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 165,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3808264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L1av/pseuds/L1av
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TJ Hammond didn't expect to fall in love with Steve Rogers. He didn't expect to want a long-standing relationship with the superhero. He didn't expect to ever be told he was the carbon copy of Steve's dead past lover, Bucky Barnes. He also didn't expect the utter heartbreak he felt when Steve said Bucky Barnes was alive...and that he needed to find him. </p><p>With Bucky in the picture, how is TJ supposed to compete against Steve's real lover, when all TJ had was just Barnes' face to begin with?</p><p>If you can't beat them...join them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Had Me At I've Seen Your Face

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hell of A Good Universe Next Door (Let's Go)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684909) by [Bond_Girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bond_Girl/pseuds/Bond_Girl). 



> (In case you've stumbled upon this in curiosity, Sebastian Stan plays both TJ Hammond in Political Animals and obviously Bucky Barnes in MCU. If you've not seen Political Animals, you must! It's an extremely good show!) 
> 
> So, I've decided this crossover doesn't have enough fanfiction and after reading an extremely good one (as credited), I've decided to take an idea of my own and see where it goes!  
> This fic has a photoset! [Click Me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/128191331048/we-should-just-kiss-like-real-people-do-810)  
> This fic has a t-shirt design! [Click Me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/134301871413/ill-probably-make-myself-a-shirt-of-this-one)  
> This fic has fanart! [Click Me!](http://lucidnancyboy.tumblr.com/post/129295614579/work-in-progress-got-my-boys-donenow-for-the#notes)  
> This fic has NSFW fanart! [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/133900619708/hopelessgeek-he-rocked-his-hips-with-the)

TJ swayed gently to the music that wafted into the air as he passionately stroked ivory key after key below his fingertips. His mouth twitched as each note blended into the next creating an intoxicating rhythm. He’d grown accustomed to finding the piano at any gathering and just drawing all the attention he could. He’d mustered up a plethora of people in the large parlor of a democratic senator’s estate that was just outside the borders of D.C.

 He bobbed his head to the smooth rhythm, wishing he had a line of coke. His mom was running for president against former president Matthew Ellis, which made it a tad harder to go into a bathroom at a democratic senator’s home and do a line of blow. He was supposed to be in “recovery” anyway, not that he really thought he was. He’d do a line of coke if he had the chance.

The song came to a gentle end, where TJ took the liberty of grabbing his crystal glass of bourbon (consequences be damned, he wasn’t getting laid tonight and he couldn’t do coke so damn straight he was going to drink). A gentle roar of applause lifted TJ’s smile to its fullest. He took a gulp of the caramel liquid, bowing. Walking away from the piano, his brother, Doug, instantly flitted up to him.

“Drinking, TJ?” The look in his bother’s eyes was condescending, which irritated TJ.

“Not doing coke. Count your blessings, Douggie,” TJ responded, sipping on the alcoholic beverage.

 “Dude, you gotta meet this guy,” Doug said through a smile. “Remember when I said there could be some Avengers here?”

TJ rolled his eyes. His brother was completely enamored by the superheroes who’d taken it upon themselves to done the name “Avengers.” TJ thought it rather lazy, considering by definition they would have to wait for something to go wrong before they lunged into action. How many bodies had to fall before the Avengers thought it was time to rise? He tossed back the rest of his bourbon, allowing Doug to lead him out into the garden.  The high wooden privacy fence was lined with soft glowing lanterns and warm Christmas lights to give the garden, with its bubbling fountain and flirty flowers an ethereal, magical look. TJ was actually impressed with Mrs. Senator’s gardener’s skills (because he knew damn sure she wasn’t the one getting on her knees…outside of the bedroom− of course).

“Captain Rogers! This is my brother, the one I was just talking about,” Doug said, coming up to a man with the broadest shoulders TJ had ever seen, and good God was this man ripped with muscles, hard as stone and he could probably fuck like a bull…and…shit…he’s staring at TJ with the most bewildered look.

TJ frowned, running his tongue along his top lip, jutting out his hand and saying, “Name’s TJ Hammond.”

“TJ was the one you heard on the piano just now,” Doug said, beaming proudly. It was rare to see Doug so proud of TJ. Of course it was all a farce, considering Doug just wanted to impress the Captain.

“Steve…Steve Rogers,” the man with the delicious biceps said, offering out his hand to shake TJ’s. His suit was a deep blue and he wore a red tie. TJ wasn’t sure if the tie was because he was republican or not, but his mother always told him that men who wore red ties were either gay or republican and so right now, that put TJ in a very interesting situation. Gay? Or Republican? TJ would just have to find out. “Y-you’re his brother?”

“Twins. I’m the older one, so I took all the good looks,” TJ said winking at Captain Rogers.

Captain Rogers looked like he was either constipated or he’d just seen a ghost. TJ wasn’t entirely sure which one was which. It was unnerving, even Doug was picking up on it.

“Oh, I see Anne’s in trouble with Senator O’Brien,” Doug said. “I’ll uh, I’ll let you two talk for a bit.”

Typical Doug, abandoning the situation when it was clear that something rather strange was going on.

Captain Rogers laughed. Which caused TJ’s brows to jut up his forehead in disbelief, but a smile was teasing at his full lips. “He’s wound tighter than a new watch,” the Captain said through a smile.

TJ laughed, it was quite and breathy, but it seemed to bring out a sparkle in the Captain’s blue eyes, so TJ wasn’t complaining. “Yeah…that’s Douggie for you. He’s got a stick so far up his ass that I don’t think he knows what to do with it, and that’s coming from a guy who _likes_ that kind of shit.”

Captain Rogers laughed, but it was a bit awkward, and certainly mostly for show. TJ decided he’d dial back on the gay references. Maybe Rogers was just a republican. “So uh…you’re, how old are you?”

TJ cocked a brow, wishing he had another drink or something to keep his hands busy with. Instead, he just shoved his hands into the pockets of his gray Dior suit. “Thirty? How old are you?”

“Oh, no…” Rogers shifted his weight, his face slightly panicked. This guy was weird. Extremely good looking and incredibly bangable, but weird. “I’m technically in my ninety’s. I just mean…you just look like someone.”

TJ nodded, pursing his lips as he tried to follow this train of conversation. “I’m hoping that…someone was…good?”

Rogers’ eyes glossed over as pain etched into his features, pouring out his soul to TJ, and in the blink of an eye, it was all gone and Captain Rogers was back to looking like he was speaking pleasantly about the weather. “He was my best friend. Bucky Barnes. He died during the war.”

“Oh,” TJ breathed out. He really wanted a line of coke. “Shit, I’m sorry, man.” He rolled on the balls of his feet, breathing out heavily. Rogers was attractive as all get out, but TJ couldn’t help feeling that he just wanted to run away now. The weight of Rogers’ gaze was too heavy and he wasn’t intoxicated enough to deal with this shit.

“No…I’m sorry,” Rogers said, seemingly trying to save the situation. “I just… I mean.” He pulled out a picture. It was black and white, and Steve’s strong arm was draped over this Bucky’s shoulders and this Bucky had his arm around the captain. They looked close, and TJ was gay enough to know the look in Bucky’s eyes was anything but platonic. So Rogers was gay then. Or at least, that’s what he was assuming at this point. He looked to Bucky’s face and his mouth dropped. He didn’t just look like the guy; he was the exact same down to the freckles and the cleft chin. Dead ringer. Exact. Carbon copy. What the actual fuck?

“You gotta be fucking shitting me,” TJ breathed out, taking the photo from the captain’s hands and staring at it closer. He wished the glowing lanterns were strong enough so he could search for something, anything that made him look different form this guy on the picture.

“I didn’t mean to make this awkward. You played beautifully. I just…well, I’m sure you can now understand why I was so caught off guard,” Rogers said, but TJ was still staring down at the man in the picture. That was him…basically. That was Bucky Barnes, but he had TJ’s face. TJ was a tad leaner than the brunette in the picture, but they could have been twins; should have been twins!

“Jesus, fucking, Christ,” TJ breathed out, still staring at the picture. “Do I have a grandpa I don’t know about?”

Rogers bunched up his features. “Ehhhh,” he drawled. “Bucky was pretty good with the ladies but…”

TJ laughed. He wanted to take this picture and show his grandmother, try to make her explain some of this sense out. “His last name’s Barnes?”

Rogers nodded. “ _Was_ Barnes,” he corrected tightly, that pain seeping back into his eyes from before.

TJ handed the picture back, watching as Rogers cradled it delicately in his hand before putting it into his breast pocket. “He meant a lot to you, didn’t he?”

Rogers breathed out; exhaling all the anxiety he’d been clearly building up this entire time. They were standing in the middle of a political party, with democrats, republicans, tea party advocates, socialites, rich people, famous people, and here they were, feeling completely alone and like no one could come and interrupt this conversation. “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.”

TJ heard the love laced into those syllables. He saw the way Rogers’ shoulders twitched and how his fingers reached for a hand that wasn’t there. Captain Steve Rogers- Captain America; he’d loved another man and what made it so much worse, was that he still loved him. He’d never had time to move on or heal. He’d just been frozen in ice…the memory of his lover’s death still fresh on the mind.

TJ bit his bottom lip, chewing on it lightly, weighting what he was able to offer and what he could do to just walk away. Rogers was gorgeous. His neck looked like the perfect canvas to place light, red marks that TJ was so fond of gifting to others, just so they’d remember who’d claimed them the night before. Rogers’ lips were lightly red, like he’d been chewing on them, but it was just the natural color of his skin there. His jaw bones were so kissable, TJ wanted to start at the sides of his eyes and make his way down to those red lips. Shit. TJ really just wanted Rogers to fuck him.

“You think I’m pretty, Rogers?” TJ asked, taking a step forward, cocking his head to the side and offering his trademark Hammond grin. He watched Rogers take a step back, his eyes going wide with surprise and panic.

“I…” Rogers took another step back, accidently bumping into a server. Her crystal glasses swayed as she expertly balanced them once more. She shot Rogers a dirty look. “S-sorry!”

TJ stepped forward again, gliding his teeth atop his bottom lip, his eyes heavy with lust. It was way too evident now. Rogers had loved Bucky Barnes and TJ looked like Bucky Barnes and TJ just wanted to fuck someone, so this could work out for everyone. “C’mon, Rogers,” he whispered, reaching out and grabbing the man’s hand. “Tell me I’m pretty.”

“Y-you’re…I mean…yeah…I just…” He was stammering all over. His face was so strained that TJ wasn’t sure or not the man would explode in front of him. He laced his fingers with the captain’s, pulling him along to the side gate. He’d not risk letting Captain America be seen holding hands with a guy at a senator’s dinner by going through the main house. TJ was smarter than that.

“My limo’s just down the street. We can tell the driver to go for a walk. K, Rogers?” TJ asked, turning back, giggling at how red the captain’s cheeks were. He wasn’t stopping this though, so TJ took that as a good sign. He was getting laid tonight.

“I don’t…I don’t know,” Rogers stammered, but his feet kept walking so TJ ignored the flustered man. He just squeezed his fingers harder against the captain’s hand and pulled him forward. Once they were clear of the party’s laughter and muffled voices, TJ pushed Rogers against a tree. It was dark enough that no one could see them in the shadows, but he was sure if someone walked by, they’d surely be caught. It was exciting to TJ. He hadn’t laid someone so high profile in a long, long time. But even then, he was sure Adam Lambert wasn’t as high profile as Captain Steve fucking Rogers; the star-spangled man with a plan.

“Bu…I mean…TJ,” Steve gasped as his head hit the tree’s trunk.

“It’s okay,” TJ said, kissing down Steve’s neck; licking at the sensitive artery just underneath the skin. “You can call me Bucky.” He felt Steve’s hands at the waistline of his pants, pulling out TJ’s tucked in dress shirt as he searched desperately to touch TJ’s skin.

TJ pressed his thigh between Steve’s legs, but he was damn sure he’d let this man claim him tonight. He just liked to get him all hot and bothered first. TJ pulled at Steve’s button down, smiling devilishly as the buttons popped. He was sure Rogers wouldn’t be able to go back to the party now, but TJ wasn’t planning on going back after this either, so that could just work in his favor.

“C-call me Steve,” Rogers gasped as TJ nipped at his throat again, lapping at the skin and sucking, giving rise to delicious bruised skin. “Cap…Rogers is too...too formal.”

TJ laughed, kissing up the captain’s jaw before claiming those red lips as his. Their lips crashed heatedly and TJ’s stomach clenched as he felt hot fingers find his stomach, grabbing hold of his hip bones. He rocked his hips into Steve, moaning into the kiss as he slipped his tongue past Steve’s teeth and tickled the other man’s tongue gingerly. Steve moaned, picking TJ up and wrapping his legs around his torso.

“Steve!” TJ yelped, feeling like a doll, light as a feather. Of course he was light as a feather. This man was solid, hard bone and muscle. He was built like an ox and TJ was just a dainty flower in the palms of his hand. It was exhilarating.

TJ moaned, wrapping his arms around Steve’s broad shoulders, digging his nails into the backs of Steve’s blazer. “God,” TJ breathed between kisses. He nipped at Steve’s nose. “Get your fucking clothes off and fuck me.”

Steve growled in approval, kissing TJ’s cheekbones, tracing their outlines with his tongue. “Where’s your limo, Bu- TJ.”

TJ’s eyes narrowed a bit. “I said you can call me Bucky. It’s okay.” He kissed the captain’s lips lightly, chastely, before turning his head and nodding in the direction of his SUV limo.  “That over there.”

Steve didn’t put TJ down, to TJ’s delight. The man hungrily kept kissing TJ’s lips, sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh, pulling all kinds of moans and gasps from TJ’s body. He was so excited. He’d never been fucked by a guy so…big…before. He needed this. His whole body was pulsating in a fevered excitement.

The driver opened the door for them before saying, “Shall I take a stroll, sir?”

“Fuck yeah you should. Take at least 3. Go mingle at the party,” TJ said as Steve’s tongue lapped and slurped at his neck. “Oh _shit,_ Steve.”

The driver laughed, but he closed the door gently as Steve laid TJ down on the limo’s floor, leaving the two men to their privacy.

“Your driver used to this kind of stuff?” Steve breathed out, popping TJ’s dress shirt buttons now and running his hands down TJ’s sensitive sides, earning a few giggles and desperate jerks as TJ tried to get Steve’s hands away from his ticklish spots.

“What can I say? I like getting fucked.”

Steve’s body froze for a fraction of a second, but it was long enough that TJ noticed what was happening. Steve was superimposing Bucky on TJ and if TJ responded in a way that Bucky wouldn’t have, Steve would realize it. It would shatter this illusion for him and TJ couldn’t have that happening. He needed this man inside him. He needed to feel that super soldier cock practically splitting his ass open. “Did you and Bucky…?” TJ let the question hang in the air.

Steve had TJ straddled and pinned to the limo’s floor, but he danced his fingers softly down TJ’s sternum, looking lost in thought, swept away by his memories. “We did.”

“What’d Bucky like doing?” TJ asked innocently, rolling his hips up, trying to get any friction on his hardened cock that he could scrounge up.

“Bucky…” Steve laughed, sitting back on his heels. Shit, TJ was losing him. Desperately, he grabbed Steve’s arm, yanking him forward so Steve’s body came to crash atop his. He was surprised how heavy this man was as the wind was knocked from him, but he still crushed his lips against Steve’s, sucking the man’s bottom lip into his mouth before gently grazing his teeth atop the smooth flesh, nibbling just enough to earn quiet gasps from the captain.

“Steve, please fuck me. Call me Bucky, do whatever he wanted, but _please, please_ fuck me,” TJ begged in desperate whispers as he kept kissing Steve’s face, his nose, the corners of his eyes. He was practically shaking from fear of rejection at this point. He couldn’t let Steve walk away. He couldn’t allow his body to be left like this. He was a volcano and he was going to blow and take the whole world down if Steve didn’t give him what he needed. Not wanted. Needed.

Steve balanced his weight out as he balanced on his forearms, looking down at TJ. He gently kissed TJ’s lips, brushing his nose over the brunette’s. “I never did _this_ with Bucky,” he said with a husky tone. “Bucky always topped me.”

TJ’s eyes widened. Steve Rogers, with his rippling abs and his stone-cast shoulders and that delicious neck. He’d let Bucky claim him? “R-really?” TJ gasped as Steve glazed one hand over his side, ticking TJ’s ribs.

“Yeah,” Steve said affectionately, pressing a kiss to TJ’s nose. He played with TJ’s waistband. Relief washed over TJ. Good, he wasn’t going to leave. He was going to do this. TJ giggled in relief as it washed over him like a gentle, bubbling stream.

“Well…do you…do you wanna fuck me?” TJ asked innocently, praying that Steve would. He’d topped before and he enjoyed it as any other red-blooded American man, but there was something so unique about being the bottom, about being the one with complete control and being the object of adoration and desire. He loved how his partners always responded to _his_ needs before theirs. It was the biggest rush TJ had ever experienced. “Or I could…”

“It’s okay TJ,” Steve whispered against his lips. TJ’s eyes fluttered closed. _God_ , those lips. “I’m gunna take care of you.”

TJ noticed how Steve never referred to what they were doing as “fucking.” It was charming. This man was quite literally a man from another time. The customs of back then were embodied heavily into this blonde man’s capable shoulders. TJ actually liked it not being referenced as something so frank as “fucking” when Steve said it. It made TJ feel so much more special; like he was special, like Bucky was special.

Steve wrapped TJ’s legs around his torso, placing soft, gentle, light kisses from TJ’s forehead, along his cheekbones and down to his jaw line. Steve hummed lightly, pulling a groan from TJ as he rocked his hips against Steve, feeling his erection, stifled by the fabric around it, graze against the man’s torso. _Jesus,_ he needed this.

Steve pulled off TJ’s blazer and his dress shirt, kissing his shoulders, down to his clavicle, nipping at the bone that flirted with the skin there.

“Mm, fuck, Steve,” TJ moaned, arching his back into the kisses Steve so delicately placed. “You’re so gorgeous.”

Steve ignored him, continuing his onslaught of maddeningly light kisses. He’d occasionally flick out his tongue to let it dance across TJ’s skin, laughing softly as TJ would respond with gasps or giggles of his own. It was too much. TJ was going to go insane. “Steve, please,” he begged. “I need more of you.”

Steve pressed his face against TJ’s, smiling into a chaste kiss before tracing his tongue against TJ’s lips. TJ rolled his hips again. This man was _nothing_ like he’d imagined. When he’d first learned of Captain America, he thought of a goody-goody who didn’t even know how to masturbate properly. He thought of a lady’s man with all the delicate etiquette of chivalry and “yes ma’am and no ma’am.” Steve was still chivalrous, but it was sensual, patient and attentive. It was warm and welcoming and TJ wanted to stay with him forever.

His eyes snapped open as he panicked, pushing the thought away. It was just the moment. Odds were, he’d never see Steve Rogers again after tonight. They were just fucking; fucking because TJ had stolen Steve’s lover’s face. Steve needed this just as much as TJ did.

He heard his zipper being pulled, and his gaze went to his pants, where he watched Steve insert his hand, pulling down his briefs and releasing his aching cock. “God!” TJ cried out. “Yes, baby, yes, yes, yes,” he moaned.

Steve was slow, fingering the top of TJ’s cock, smearing the precum that had built atop there along the head of the cock and down as far as he could glaze it. His hand was hot and TJ had to bite his lips to keep from screaming out in pleasure. Steve was starving TJ for affection, for rough hands and desperate, fast motions, but Steve was pumping slow, swirling his fingers expertly around TJ’s cock as he kept pressing kisses into TJ’s neck, and nibbling gently on his ears. “Jesus, please, Jesus, fuck, fuck me,” TJ moaned, rocking his hips heavily as he tried to garner more of Steve’s fingers against his cock. “Please Steve, please.”

Steve laughed, but his fingers kept pumping at that maddeningly slow rate, rubbing the tip of TJ’s cock with a single finger, circling the slit delicately. “You know I’m not Jesus, right?” Steve teased before kissing TJ’s cheek.

“I’m going to kill you,” TJ moaned out, rolling his hips again. “Fuck. Me. _Steve_.”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you patience is a virtue?” Steve taunted, his eyes swimming in mirth as he tugged TJ’s pants and briefs down, tossing them aside.

TJ cried out, bucking into the air as his erection was freed. “Those people obviously have never tried to fuck Captain Steve Rogers,” TJ countered.

Steve kissed him, laughing lightly. “You’re gorgeous,” Steve whispered against his lips. “I’m going to take care of you. Okay, Buck?”

Yes, finally. Steve was imagining TJ to be Bucky, his long lost lover and best friend. TJ was fine with this. He’d get a whole other side of Steve Rogers that no one else probably ever got to see. He nodded desperately, feeling tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He needed this. He needed this. He needed this.

Steve kissed down TJ’s chest, lapping at his sensitive nipples, biting and tugging at them, forcing the delicate flesh to redden and swell. TJ wrapped his fingers into Steve’s blond, short hair, moaning and whimpering as Steve kept taunting him. “You’re so gorgeous, Bucky,” Steve breathed against his skin. He kissed down TJ’s middle, swirling his tongue around the navel before placing a wet, loud kiss right below it.

TJ moaned, whispering Steve’s name over and over and over till it was the only word he knew. Bucky had been the luckiest man alive to be loved so passionately by Steve and he had been the one to take care of _Steve_. 

TJ bucked, yelping as he felt Steve’s hot mouth envelop his cock, sucking expertly. “Oh, fuck! Fuck!” he cried out, trying his best not to buck again. His body trembled as the anticipation Steve had built flooded against his nerves, overloading them with ecstasy and heightened emotions and a tad bit of confusion. Would this be it? Would they be a single fuck? Or would TJ’s face make Steve keep coming back for more? TJ wanted more. He needed it. He needed Steve.

“Mmm, mmm,” TJ whined melodically as Steve bobbed up and down over his cock, swirling his tongue and lapping hungrily at the underside, just below the tip. TJ felt like he was on fire. He pulled at Steve’s hair, doing his best to hold his hips steady but each time Steve pulled up, just barely keeping TJ’s cockhead in his mouth, he’d find himself bucking desperately to get more.

Hungrily, Steve would envelop him again, allowing TJ’s cock to hit the back of his throat, allowing the gag reflexes to swell the muscles, pulling TJ’s cock further into his mouth. TJ felt tears slip from his eyes now as the pleasure became that overwhelming sensation of so much pleasure that it hurt.

“Steve…I’m gunna…I’m gunna,” TJ moaned, bucking his hips as he felt Steve’s pace quicken.

Steve danced his tongue along the slit of TJ’s cock, humming and letting his lips vibrate gently as he enticed TJ’s orgasm, sucking harder and hollowing out his cheeks to bring the man’s cock further in.

TJ cried out, feeling his seed spray into the back of Steve’s throat, wondering if the man was a spitter or a swallower. “Fuck! _Fuck_! Oh God, Steve! I can’t take it! I can’t take it!”

Steve, like the delicious and wonderful pro he was proving himself to be, held TJ down, forcing him to endure his orgasm, pulling out every sensation TJ could possibly feel as that tongue danced along his erection's length, tracing the pulsating veins. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” TJ cried out, shaking as his orgasm finally started to subside. “Steve I need you, I need you.”

Steve dropped TJ’s cock, kissing up his hipbones, lapping at the delicate bones and brushing his nose over TJ’s navel. “You’re so mouthy, Bucky,” he said gently. He covered TJ’s body again, pressing kisses against TJ’s neck, nuzzling lightly against the veins that had expanded to full capacity as blood bumped furiously in TJ’s body. “I said I’d take care of you, and I’m gunna do that. K, Bucky?”

TJ nodded frantically, feeling more tears spill from his eyes.

Steve’s brow furrowed for a second as he caught one tear with his index finger. “You okay, baby?” he asked.

 _‘Oh my God, call me Baby, call me Bucky, just don’t ever fucking stop!’_ TJ’s nerves were aflame with such wanting and desperation that all he could do was nod again, jerking his chin upward, begging for Steve’s kiss.

Steve was all too happy to oblige. He pressed his lips to TJ’s, forcing the man’s mouth open and exploring his mouth with expert precision, grazing his tongue lazily atop TJ’s, tickling it with just the tip of his. TJ already was feeling his cock twitching again.

“Take care of me, Steve,” TJ breathed out. “I want you to take care of me.”

Steve laughed, kissing TJ’s cheek before pulling him now into his lap. TJ was suddenly painfully aware that Steve was fully clothed, blazer and open button down and tie flopped over his shoulder. He tugged at the material, scrunching up his face in a disapproving manner. Steve responded by shrugging the blazer off, pulling at the tie so it was lose around his neck and slipping the blazer off his shoulders. Hungrily, TJ attacked the man’s chest, lapping at those pectoral muscles hungrily, kissing and nibbling and pulling whatever marks he could make against this man’s skin. He’d already noticed the bruises from before were fading. Steve’s super soldier body was apparently too resilient for hickies. It was a small disappointment.

As TJ was kissing Steve’s shoulders, he felt a finger circling his hole. He moaned, biting down on the man’s shoulder, wiggling his ass as much as he could to say, “Yes please!”

Steve allowed his finger to slip up into TJ’s hole, moving gently in a small, circular motion. TJ hissed as the slight bit of pain grazed at his nerves, but it wasn’t enough to send him cowering in a corner. He brushed his nose against Steve’s, panting heavily as he hungrily claimed those beautiful lips again, swollen so nicely from having TJ’s cock in his mouth. Steve pumped his finger, slowly and gingerly, in and out, in and out. TJ could already feel his cock growing hard again as it tickled against Steve’s abdomen.

“This feel good, Bucky?” Steve asked; his voice glazed with lust. TJ could only respond with an excited kiss. “I’m gunna use another finger. That okay?”

TJ nodded enthusiastically. “Oh fuck, fuck yes,” he moaned as he felt another, thicker finger insert itself into his heated core. He winced, feeling that familiar pain once more and gasped as Steve’s fingernail grazed the inside of his canal.

“Sorry, Bucky!” Steve gasped, kissing TJ’s lips over and over again, chaste and quick, but with so much love. Steve was making love to TJ and TJ couldn’t be more thrilled, even if it was Bucky that Steve was actually in love with.

“It’s okay,” TJ said through the kisses. “Please sir, can I have some more?” He rolled his hips, delighting in the way his cock grazed over Steve’s rippled abs.

Steve laughed, clearly understanding that _Oliver Twist_ reference. He inserted another finger, swirling them and pumping back and forth, scissoring as much as TJ’s body would allow. “Y-you’re so tight, Buck,” Steve moaned, kissing TJ’s jaw, nipping gently.

TJ’s back muscles were twitching in heightened anticipation as Steve kept finger fucking his ass. His breath came in short, rhythmic bursts as he gasped and gasped and whimpered and moaned each time those fingers slammed back into him. “Give me your cock. I want it, I need it,” TJ cried out. “ _Please_ , fuck me. I need it. I _need_ it!”

Steve rearranged them, moving TJ like a doll so he was perfectly hovered over Steve’s cock. TJ was sad that Steve’s pants were still on, but he wasn’t going to stop this for anything. “Ready, Bucky?”

“Yeah,” TJ breathed out, allowing a smile to twitch into his features as he placed a kiss against Steve’s lips. He yelped as he felt Steve’s cockhead push into him. He hadn’t even looked to see if Rogers was using a condom, but Jesus, he didn’t give a shit right now. He was pretty sure this guy wasn’t HIV positive. “Fuck, fuck, Steve, it hurts…it hurts.” Pain swirled in his abdomen, searing his lower half as Steve’s large dick was splitting him, literally splitting him. TJ balanced on his legs, hovering above Steve as he waited for his hole to grow accustom to Steve’s thick cock.

Steve placed tiny kisses against TJ’s throat. “We can stop,” he said breathily. “Whatever you want, Bucky.”

TJ didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want Steve to stop calling him Bucky. He didn’t want this to ever end. “N-no. Just give me a second.” He pushed down, feeling tears spill from his eyes as the pain was a bit too much to bear. Steve was fucking huge. TJ was sure he’d never been fucked by a cock this big before. Well, he’d never been fucked by a super soldier before…

“You okay, Bucky?” Steve asked, kissing against TJ’s clavicles again.

“Y-yeah,” TJ whimpered, pushing down a bit more. It was starting to get easier and the pain was building into pleasure. TJ allowed his muscles to relax, loving the way he heard Steve gasp against his throat. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, gently bobbing his hips up and down, only taking in the length he’d managed to stuff inside so far. “That feel good, Captain?”

“Mm, yeah,” Steve purred out. He was an expert at patience. TJ would have slammed his cock deep inside whoever he’d been fucking if they’d gone this slow, but TJ was appreciative this was Steve Rogers; Captain America, the fucking best lay he’d ever had.

TJ allowed more inside, bobbing up and down, ever so slowly, feeling the grooves of Steve’s penis inside him, feeling the way the curves of his cock glided and nudged into the caverns of his flesh walls. “Mmm, Steve, Steve…” he whispered. He rocked his hips, back and forth, feeling Steve go deeper inside him each time. He loved the sounds Steve was making. He wasn’t as loud as TJ, but he was vocal. Steve hummed when he particularly liked something and groaned when he _really_ liked something.

TJ had never felt so much force under him, shivering and humming in delight as TJ kept rocking his hips. He pulled Steve’s face to his, kissing him over and over as he was able to take all of Steve inside. Before he could even realize what was happening, Steve had exited him completely, pushing him against the floor of the limo, rocking the car violently. He shoved back inside TJ, earning a yelp as the man quickly fucked him, pulling himself just barely inside, and slamming back in TJ as hard as possible.

TJ couldn’t stop screaming. It felt so good, feeling those muscles above him and that perfect, glorious and superhuman muscle inside him. He cried out incoherent sentences, mostly in the forms of _yes, yes, yes,_ and _baby, baby, Steve, baby!_ Steve rolled his hips expertly, brushing hard against TJ’s prostate, causing a wave of new tears to glaze TJ’s cheeks. His body trembled and he had to grab his cock, loving how Steve swatted his hand away. “No, Buck. I said I’m gunna take care of you,” Steve growled. TJ couldn’t hide the look of sheer excitement that graced his features.

Steve rolled his hips, over and over, in and out, in and out, pushing his cock against TJ’s prostate over and over till TJ was full-on crying and begging for a release, but Steve wouldn’t touch his cock.

TJ bucked his hips, begging and pleading for Steve to touch him again. He needed those strong, excellent fingers wrapped tightly around his cock. It was spilling so much precum that TJ wasn’t sure he wasn’t just in a constant state of orgasm.

Steve was a freight train and TJ had never been fucked so hard. Super soldiers…they fucked so hard.

“Steve, Steve, please, please, I need it,” TJ cried out in the rhythm of each thrust, feeling another wave of pleasure fry his nerves to the point of raw pain. Steve knew exactly where his prostate was, as if their bodies had been made for each other. Perhaps they had… Steve had a very specific type in men…

“Shh, I got you, Bucky. I got you,” Steve purred out, lulling his hips a bit slower, pulling his entire length out before slamming it back in.

TJ’s tears couldn’t stop falling from his eyes. He couldn’t see Steve’s face through all the salty tears that smeared his vision. He was sure Steve looked like a god, with a concentrated brow and maybe he was licking at his lips as he fucked TJ. TJ could only fantasize at this point.

“Steve, please, I need to come. I need to,” TJ gasped. “Baby please, _please_!”

Steve kissed TJ’s mouth hungrily, moaning into the kiss as their tongues collided with all the force of an exploding sun. His body continued to pulsate into TJ, pulling up so much heat TJ wasn’t sure he _wasn’t_ on fire. TJ desperately clung to Steve’s sweaty torso. “You wanna come, Bucky?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” TJ cried out. “Please, yes, yes.”

“Come on Bucky,” Steve said, pumping TJ’s dick now as he continued to rock into him like a brick force. TJ couldn’t even feel his limbs anymore. “Bucky, come for me, baby.”

TJ cried out, not able to control it as the sensations just became too much. He was overloaded, exhausted and utterly desperate to feel release again. Steve took so much out of him. It was almost difficult to have sex with a super soldier. They had so much stamina and TJ could barely keep up, but he was rather proud of himself.

TJ felt the build in his stomach as his orgasm burst from his loins, spraying against Steve’s torso and even shooting up onto the man’s shoulder. Hungrily, TJ lapped at his own semen, on Steve’s shoulder, crying and whimpering as the orgasm shook his body. He heard Steve’s gasps and silent, _Bucky, Bucky, Bucky_. The searing, hot sensation of seed spilled into TJ’s ass and he relished in knowing they’d just fucked bareback.

Steve swirled up some of TJ’s cum from his stomach, tracing TJ’s lips with it. TJ gratefully lapped at it, uncaring that it was his own. This was probably the hottest thing he’d ever done, and he’d done some pretty hot shit in his life.

Steve kept kissing TJ’s forehead as they slowed their rhythm, allowing their orgasms to finally subside into gentle background music. “You were so good, Bucky,” Steve breathed out against TJ’s forehead. “Jesus, I miss you so much.”

TJ’s heart broke. He pulled Steve against him, pulling him down to the floor of the limo again, wrapping his arms around Steve as he felt tears begin to fall from Steve’s eyes. Of course this would happen. Why was TJ to assume anything different? Steve had been allowed a moment where he could escape into a world where Bucky was alive. He was looking at him, he was making love to him, but TJ wasn’t Bucky…no matter how many times Steve uttered Bucky’s name.

“I’m so sorry, Steve,” TJ said, placing a soft kiss against the man’s temple. “I’m so sorry, I’m not him.”

Steve pulled out of TJ and TJ felt the hollow, loose, cold sensation that always happened after getting drilled from behind. But Steve didn’t move away. He laid his head against TJ’s chest, breathing heavily. His breath was hot and it lightly ticked TJ’s nipple, but he didn’t move. He just ran his fingers though Steve’s hair.

“It’s okay Teej,” Steve said finally. TJ liked how Steve slurred the letters together. “This was…”

“Amazing,” TJ finished, praying that Steve wouldn’t take this to a dark corner where Steve would begin lamenting on how it was all a mistake. TJ didn’t want to be a mistake. His limbs were trembling still and he could barely move, but this was the best decision of his life and he’d be completely destroyed if Steve said anything on the contrary.

Steve nodded, closing his eyes. “You sound just like him. He used to be so loud too.”

TJ laughed. “I wonder if we’re actually related, me and him.” He traced idle pictures against Steve’s back as he held the super soldier close. Steve shifted, clearly enjoying the sensation as he allowed TJ more access to his back.

“Maybe. It’d make sense,” Steve responded. He placed a kiss against TJ’s chest.

TJ’s eyes fluttered closed. He never wanted this man out of his arms ever again. “Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“I know this is probably backwards but… I think I really like you.”

Steve laughed. “I’m sure that’s the endorphins talking.”

“N-no!” TJ protested. “I mean, my brother’s always talked about you and my dad’s a big fan too and…I’ve seen your interviews. You’re an incredible person. So warm and giving.”

Steve kissed TJ’s chest again.

“I used to think the Avengers were overrated or that superheroes were kind of…I don’t know…like.” TJ decided to go down this rabbit hole, so he decided he’d just go all the way. “Like, if we needed super humans then we as humans failed the world, because if we can’t protect ourselves…how can we expect gods and men like you to have to keep doing it? It makes us weak.”

Steve remained silent.

“But…but I think that was just me trying to deny the slight admiration I started to have for you. You are human. You fuck like a Chevy and you’re built like a fucking marble statute but…”

Steve laughed.

“You’re human. And I think…I think I really like you.”

Steve looked up, bringing his face to meet TJ’s. “Who are you, TJ Hammond?”

TJ blinked, feeling suddenly so naked. “I’m…a guy trying to find my place in this fucked up world. I like piano and old movies and drinking…and sometimes I do stupid shit, but…that’s a long story.”

Steve’s brow raised in curiosity.

“I…I’ve done some stupid shit. I’m sure you could find it in the papers or the internet.”

“What’d you do?” Steve asked, resting his chin on TJ’s chest, but he was still able to keep their eye contact.

“I…” TJ didn’t even know why he was talking about this right now. He just felt he could trust Steve implicitly. Like this man would never judge him. “I tried to kill myself.”

Steve’s eyes hardened. He sat up, his brow furrowed. “Teej,” he said again, slurring those letters again. TJ loved it. “Why?”

TJ shifted under the scrutiny. “I was…stupid. I was in a real bad place, Steve. It’s not been easy being the first openly gay son in the White House and…dealing with…I don’t know.” He was lying. He didn’t want to tell Steve that he’d tried to kill himself over another man, a man that had said he loved him and then rejected him so harshly. TJ would be the first person to admit he wasn’t the strongest. Darwin’s Theory should have killed him a long time ago.

Steve cupped TJ’s face, stroking his red cheek softly. “Do you wanna go on a date with me, Teej?”

TJ smiled. Was this really happening? He’d spill out his soul and all his darkest secrets and Captain fucking America would just…accept him? “Really?”

Steve laughed, pulling his hand away as he curled his arms around TJ, resting his head back against the man’s chest. “That’s not a yes or no.”

“Jesus, Steve,” TJ breathed out. “I’d love to go on a fucking date with you.”

“Well,” Steve drawled. “I dunno if it’s going to be a fucking-date, don’t really think I’m hip to the times on those.”

That caused TJ to laugh.

“But if you can settle for a regular wine and dine event, I’d promise to make you laugh at least…three times.”

TJ laughed again. “Only three?”

Steve pressed another kiss into TJ’s chest, nuzzling his nose against the skin. “Tony Stark says I’m not that funny, so I must be having a good night tonight.”

“I’m having a great night, so, I guess we’re both above our typical game,” TJ responded. His limbs ached and his heart was still beating right out of his chest and all he wanted was to sleep, but, this was nice. He’d met a man who…at least for the moment was giving him hope. Maybe he’d finally get over that stupid republican Ohio senator. He was a dick anyway.

“I can’t wait to bring you home to meet my parents,” TJ said again, after a short silence.

Steve laughed, rolling over so he was facing up now. TJ hated how cold he felt without Steve’s heat atop him. He whined, curling into Steve’s large chest, wrapping an arm over the man to secure his position. Steve simply draped an arm over his shoulders, nuzzling against his head.

“I met your parents tonight,” Steve said.

“Yeah, you met them all professionally and vote for them kind of shit. You didn’t meet them as my date,” TJ corrected. “That’s a whole other side of them.”

“You already planning to take me home to your mother?” Steve asked, kissing TJ’s forehead.

“Jesus,” TJ breathed. “I didn’t even think of how bad that just sounded.”

“It didn’t sound bad, Teej,” Steve said softly, resting his cheek against TJ’s head. “I know…I was initially drawn to you cause of your face, but, I think you’re a pretty nice person. And I guess I’m not that hard to please. So I hope our date isn’t just one, and you’ll take me home to your mom one day.”

TJ’s heart fluttered. He’d never felt so excited about anything before, even with the opening of his club (which he still needed to pay Dougie back for). “Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Wanna just spend the rest of the night with me?” TJ asked sleepily.

“Sure, Teej.”

Jesus, did TJ ever love that nickname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for some pretty pictures of TJ Hammond being utterly wonderful.  
>   
> We're just going to say that's Steve. Unf.  
>   
> Can we just talk about that tongue?  
>   
> Now imagine that guy as Steve and...yep. I'm happy.
> 
> Please comment and let me know what you think of this concept! I'd really love to talk to youuu~  
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> Let's be friends!


	2. Old Lovers New Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's back and TJ's asking questions that Steve does't have the answers to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am completely overwhelmed by the support for this story already. I honestly thought like...2 people would read it since it's a crossover, even if Sebastian Stan plays both characters. X'D Thank you so, so much! I hope you continue to enjoy this story with me!
> 
> So...this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written in my life, but a LOT had to be said! Please mind the new tags!

TJ hadn’t taken Steve home to his parents yet, but Steve had taken TJ to meet his “family.” They’d been dating for several months now. Steve had made sure to spend every waking moment with TJ when he wasn’t with the Avengers or some random governmental organization. He helped TJ at his club, and helped get him on the straight and narrow when it came to his drug addiction. Secretly, TJ just wanted to do a line of coke of Steve’s ass, but he’d settle for Steve licking _his_ ass. Though that wasn’t something they’d done yet, but hey, there was a first time for everything…

TJ had been so nervous when he’d met the rest of the Avengers. Tony Stark was basically a god from his wealth, intelligence and political power, Natasha Romanov was the most beautiful and yet terrifying woman on the planet, Clint Barton was cool, Dr. Bruce Banner made TJ nervous, and sadly there was no Thor to be met, considering he was up in Asgard. Despite the nerves, and how TJ felt around them, they’d all welcomed him warmly, as if he’d always been around.

TJ sat at the dining room table, high atop Stark Tower, watching Steve interact with the rest of the Avengers. It was a marvel, to see all these powerful people just sitting around a table and talking about fart jokes and “Oh my God did you see her boobs?” They were all so human. TJ had been completely wrong to ever doubt that in the first place.

“What do you think TJ?” Dr. Banner asked.

TJ blinked a few times, realizing he had been so caught up in the atmosphere that he hadn’t heard the question. “Um, what was it?”

“He wasn’t paying attention,” Natasha offered, chuckling.

“Staring at your boyfriend?” Tony joked. “He’s a wonder, that Capscicle.”

“I’ve been thawed for a couple of years now, Stark!” Steve protested, flinging a meatball at Tony.

Tony deflected it with his butter knife. It would be almost comical if TJ weren’t so aware that he’d been asked a question.

“What do you think about President Ellis’ stance on powered people?” Natasha asked again, grabbing TJ’s wrist so he had to divert his attention entirely to him.

“Uh…” TJ said eloquently. He hadn’t realized the conversation had gotten so…serious. “Well…if I were my mom, I’d say that Ellis’ demonstration of fearing them has presented this country with unaccounted terrorists that have easily been able to cross into our borders and string him up…”

“Ah, I remember it fondly,” Tony said as he chewed a bite of his spaghetti.

“Your mom not into powered people?” Clint asked.

“No, she is,” TJ began, sitting back in his chair. “Just…one’s that she can monitor.”

“I agree,” Tony said. “Who’s to say some guy won’t pop out of China with the abilities to fry the world with just his hands? “

“But what about those who are in hiding for a reason?” Steve offered. “One’s that just want to be left alone, or fear for their families?”

TJ felt all gazes on him. This was awkward. “Well…I’m not my mom. So.”

Steve smiled, clearly apologizing with his eyes.

“What do _you_ think?” Natasha asked again, finally taking her hand away from TJ’s wrist. He looked down at where she’d touched, seeing the white lines dissipate from where she’d squeezed.

“I think…that you’re great. We need you, and that’s that.”

“Simple. To the point. I like it,” Tony said, raising his glass. “TJ for president!”

Everyone raised a glass, pretending to toast TJ’s pretend run for presidency. He laughed, rolling his eyes. “Oh please, as if they White House could stand a gay president.”

“A gay first son was a huge step,” Dr. Banner said. “You’d be surprised what this country will start to accept, now that you’ve got freaks like us running around.”

TJ smiled, but he really didn’t want this conversation to go on anymore. He knew they were interested in politics, especially ones that concerned them. But he wasn’t his mother and he wasn’t President Ellis.

“Who wants dessert?” Tony asked, standing up and walking into the kitchen section of the open floor-plan penthouse. “JARVIS made pie.”

“Oh, well if JARVIS made it, I’ll take a slice,” Dr. Banner said.

“Here, here! To JARVIS’s cooking!” Clint announced, sucking back another glass of champagne.

Someone was going to have a headache in the morning. TJ looked down to his glass, feeling rather proud of himself for only drinking water. Steve had played a huge part in that. At first, he’d protested wildly and did anything he could to get drunk and make a fool of himself, but Steve had been patient, just as patient as he was the first night they met. He’d allowed TJ to ride out his anger till he just…didn’t care anymore, and started drinking water instead of booze.

Steve stood up, helping Tony with cutting the pies. TJ watched him affectionately. Had it really been three months since they started dating? It felt like Steve had always been part of TJ’s life, yet at the same time, just like they’d only met yesterday. Time was fascinating like that. Steve was fascinating like that. TJ had known so much about him from the papers and media that when he finally talked to Steve, it was usually about him and all his life. Steve wasn’t one who looked into the sensationalist journals unless he had to. He was more concerned about governmental relationships, China, Russia, and the American people, not the tabloids.  TJ admired Steve as a hero and had come to care for him so passionately as a lover. It was like a roller coaster, and TJ was still experiencing the thrills and stomach drops with Steve.

Steve set a plate of pie in front of TJ, kissing him lightly on the head before giving a slice of pie to Natasha and then to Clint.

Tony set his and Dr. Banner’s down and they all settled into more jokes and taunts about each other. Most of the jokes Tony made were against Steve and his homosexuality or being frozen for seventy years. Banner’s jokes were against Tony for being less intellectually quick as him. Natasha made fun of everyone in the most sarcastic of ways. Clint was just loud. They were the most interesting group of people, absolutely fantastic and completely human and TJ couldn’t be more proud to call them his Avengers.

* * *

 

They had to catch a redeye jet back to D.C. TJ’s mother was expecting him to be at banquet for one of her many causes. This one was for children with cancer. TJ luckily didn’t need to convince Steve to come along, since he was already offering the moment TJ even brought it up. However, this meant Steve was going to officially be introduced as TJ’s boyfriend to his parents and Doug. He was excited. He’d never been able to really introduce any of his boyfriends to his family; they were either complete losers, gay republicans or just hook ups. Sitting across from Steve now on the jet, playing footsie and taking turns flashing each other silly faces was only the icing on the cake. He was going to beam so proudly when he introduced his family to Steve as _his._

“You like my friends?” Steve asked, playfully kicking TJ in the shin.

TJ stuck his tongue out. “Yeah,” he said as he settled back into his chair, stretching his foot out to stomp it atop Steve’s. “They’re really nice.”

“They didn’t freak you out at all?” Steve asked, bringing his free foot atop TJ’s. Jesus this man’s foot was stronger than most of TJ’s body!

“Nah. They’re good people. But you only know good people, so I’m not really surprised.” He tried to pull his foot out from under Steve’s but the super soldier had more than the upper hand here. “You win, you win!”

Steve laughed, getting up to go sit by TJ. He pulled TJ in, inhaling deeply, taking in TJ’s cologne and the light scent of his skin. “I couldn’t wait to do this all night though,” he mumbled, kissing TJ’s ear.

TJ leaned into the kiss, scooting back into Steve so they could simply fold into each other. They hadn’t really been able to be very affectionate in front of the other Avengers, but TJ didn’t mind. He knew they didn’t care, he just knew that Steve was respectful of others and public displays of affection weren’t really his style. The media hadn’t even caught wind of their relationship yet. They would when they landed though… TJ was a walking tabloid magnet back in D.C. Everything he did, everywhere he went, paparazzi followed him with their obnoxious flash photography. For three months, Steve had always joined up later or asked for take-out instead of dining out. TJ never minded. It was never intentional. When your boyfriend was Captain America, he was a little more than busy. “You know…you get ousted to my parents as my boyfriend, and the whole world’s gunna know you’re gay.”

Steve pressed a light kiss into the nape of TJ’s neck. “I don’t care.” He kissed TJ’s cheek now. “You know what I’ve never done?”

TJ laughed. He knew exactly where this was going. “What Stevie?”

“I’ve never made love to you on a jet before.”

“We’re not gunna have time,” TJ breathed out, feeling his skin shiver.

“I can be quick,” Steve pressed, kissing down TJ’s jaw line, down his throat and to his clavicles where he nipped at the bone. TJ’s eyes fluttered at the heavenly sensations.

He was about to give in when Steve’s phone rang. It was loud and unlike any ringtone TJ had ever heard on Steve’s phone before. Instantly, Steve was reaching for it, standing up and walking to the other side of the jet. It wasn’t that large, so TJ was still more than enough in ear shot. “Fury?”

TJ’s back straightened at the name. He knew Director Nick Fury, well, he knew him by name. He’d never met the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. His mother had on countless occasions though, being Secretary of Defense and all.

“I’m on a flight back now. …You need what?” His blue eyes flickered over to TJ, offering a small, half-smile, but TJ didn’t smile back. He furrowed his brow, pouting his bottom lip as he felt the pull of anxiety. If the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D was calling, it was something big. “When is she getting back? I just saw her at Stark’s Tower.”

TJ sunk in his seat. Clearly they weren’t going to make love on a plane anymore… Man he wished he had some coke to make this ride go faster. His body tensed as he realized his momentary lapse of judgment. Steve had been working so hard with him. To toss that all aside now was a proverbial slap in the face to Steve, and TJ cared far too much about the captain to let that happen.

“She can pick me up at the Washington Memorial then. Bright and early. I’ll see you soon.” Steve hung up the phone, heaving a heavy sigh. TJ loved watching those large shoulders rise and fall, but he hated the facial expression Steve had. It was distracted and a bit serious. He’d been assigned a mission. “Do you care if I just go to sleep? Fury needs me and Natasha on an assignment tomorrow night.”

“N-no, go for it,” TJ said all-too-quickly. “I was feeling kinda tired anyway.”

Steve clearly didn’t buy it, as he eyed TJ heavily, but he let it drop. He plopped back down into the seat next to TJ and pulled the other man into his lap so he could stretch his legs out on the plush seating. “You angry with me, Teej?”

“No, Steve,” TJ drawled. “We weren’t gunna have time anyway. He twisted his neck, kissing Steve on the mouth quickly before settled back into the man’s big, strong arms. “Duty calls. You gotta be well-rested to save the world.”

Steve kissed the top of his head. “I love you Bu−” He halted his sentence, but it wasn’t before TJ caught the mistake. He was going to say Bucky. Steve still loved Bucky. TJ didn’t hold it against him. How could he? He was the spitting image of Bucky Barnes. It would be unreasonable for TJ to hold Barnes’ memory against Steve.

“He loves you too,” TJ answered back, his voice tight. “And…I love you.” He craned his neck around again to place a chaste kiss on Steve’s lips.

Steve was silent for a moment. TJ was sure he was having some sort of inner battle with himself for the mistake.

“Honestly, Steve, it’s no big thing. I let you call me Bucky all the time.”

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Steve said finally, wrapping his arms around TJ’s torso. “You have every right to be angry with me.”

TJ’s eyes narrowed. “Steve…” he warned. “I’m not angry. I can’t be angry for something I encourage. Now go to sleep. If you die on your mission, I _will_ be angry.”

Steve chuckled. “Night, Teej. I love you.”

TJ was still painfully aware that Steve didn’t include his name in the “I love you” sentence. He never did.

* * *

 

TJ watched in horror as the helicarries crashed into the Potomac. He’d been taken to shelter with his parents, his brother and his fiancé and his grandmother. There were a lot of other people from the cabinet here as well, including a large security detail, but none of that mattered. Steve was up on one of those hellicarriers. TJ had been following Steve’s wake in the form of media for a few days now. Director Nick Fury was confirmed dead, some assassin guy was on the loose, the US government wasn’t sure if Steve was now a terrorist or not (TJ was adamant he wasn’t), and now Steve was on the helicarriers that were crashing into the Potomac and into the previous S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters.

“Fuck me senseless,” TJ breathed out as he watched the carnage on the TV.

“I think I’d rather just give you a hug,” Anne, Doug’s fiancée said. She smiled at him, trying to indicate her joke, but TJ was too distracted.

“Have you heard from the Captain?” Bud Hammond, TJ’s father asked. After Steve Rogers didn’t turn up at the banquet for children with cancer, TJ had to break the news by himself to his family. He’d informed them they were dating and Steve would have loved to have been there, but…duty had called. On the plus side, the world didn’t know about Captain America’s homosexuality. Why TJ was doing his best to protect Steve from the onslaught of the media about that was beyond him. He guessed he just wanted Steve to really make an affirmative decision on that one.

TJ winced, seeing the triskellion crumble into the earth and water. “N-no… Not since he left for his mission.”

“He’s never checked in with you?” Elaine, TJ’s mother asked. Her eyes were round in terror, but nothing else could even hint that she was having a mental breakdown. TJ knew better.

“Nope,” he responded flatly. What if Steve was dead? What if…what if Steve was dying and TJ was watching it on the TV and there was literally nothing TJ could do because TJ was just a regular guy. He wasn’t a super soldier like Steve or a man with an iron suit. He didn’t have some magic hammer or the skills of Apollo when it came to shooting a bow. He was a normal guy. He couldn’t do anything for his superhero boyfriend and that _killed_ him.

“The military is rolling in now,” a man announced as he covered a phone’s mouthpiece. He was clearly reporting to TJ’s mother. “They’re going to pick off the remaining HYDRA agents and help get bodies out of the water.”

Bodies… TJ felt his heart squeeze. People had died today. For all he knew…Steve had died today. They had been dating for three months… Three months but those three, small, tiny months were full of laughter and healing and so much good sex TJ wasn’t sure how he could even walk straight every day. What if Steve was dead? This was the worst thing imaginable and TJ was just…standing there…looking at a TV screen as he hid for his safety.

“Can anyone find out about Captain Rogers?” Elaine demanded, whirling around, looking at everyone who was on the phone. They all slowly shook their heads, some wincing and some just staring back blankly.

TJ fell to his knees. He saw tears fall onto his hands before he even realized he was crying. Steve had been in there… Steve...with those beautiful, red lips and that glorious jaw line that TJ got to kiss each and every night Steve was home. Steve… with those broad shoulders that carried TJ off to bed each night as they burst into a fit of giggles as TJ tried his hardest to squirm away, but never truly wanting to, before Steve would make, passionate, _passionate_ love to him. Steve…with that voice that spoke of only good and carried stories of his past, however painful to TJ as they’d lay next to each other, a pile of crumpled, exhausted bodies, before drifting off to sleep. TJ allowed a hollow sob to escape his throat. He felt his mother’s embrace as she slowly rocked with him. She knew better than anyone how fragile TJ’s mind was. “Mom…Mom if St− If Steve’s dead…” The threat hung in the air so heavily that Elaine had to suck back a gasp.

“We will get you through this,” she said sternly, but with all the affection of a mother possible. “You will survive this.”

“I can’t do this again,” TJ sobbed. “I can’t lose another love.”

Elaine held her son’s head against her chest, caressing her fingers through his hair. TJ couldn’t stop his shoulders from shaking. He couldn’t stop his body from feeling so starved for Steve’s touch. If Steve was dead… TJ would kill himself. Just like he tried before when the Ohio senator went back to his wife.

* * *

 

Steve had been in the hospital for a few weeks. TJ hadn’t left his side except the one time where he went to the bathroom and Steve woke up to see just Sam in the room. The media was in an uproar over what had happened. With the informational dump about S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA… No one knew who to trust or who to turn to. Tony Stark had gone dark, leaving Stark Tower for one of his many vacation homes. Natasha Romanov went to ground and Clint Barton and Dr. Bruce Banner were already long gone before any of this happened. How did it happen so quickly? Even TJ felt the media was justified in asking for answers.

Steve was now more of a governmental liability than an asset. TJ had already heard it all from his mom. This only furthered her opinion that powered people needed to be monitored. “If two of them can bring down all of S.H.I.E.L.D and put that much damage into the Potomac, can you imagine what a group of them could do?” She’d kept the Avengers and New York out of it, considering the whole alien invasion and they were super necessary back then, but TJ still knew his mother was very weary of powered people at this point.

TJ had helped Steve out of the hospital, and ushered him through the swarm of media that braided him like piranhas. It was question after question. “Captain Rogers, does this mean America is more vulnerable than ever?” “Captain Rogers, who was the man with the metal arm? Is he in captivity?” “Who else is HYDRA?” “Captain Rogers, what does this mean for the American people?” “Can you explain what happened with Project Insight?” “Why would you work for an intelligence agency that endorsed Project Insight?” “The American people doubt your loyalties, Captain Rogers, do you have anything to say to them?”

Under any other circumstance, TJ would love not being the one subject to the scrutiny, but this was Steve, and Steve was just in the hospital. His wounds hadn’t even completely healed and here he was, standing up and walking away from the hospital and into TJ’s black SUV with his personal secret service (those that didn’t turn out to be HYDRA anyway). Steve was already planning his next move. He was clearly pissed off. HYDRA had done unspeakable things and Steve took this on a personal level. TJ hadn’t really learned everything yet, but he took to the internet like any other bored, wealthy guy whilst his boyfriend slept day in and day out during his hospital stay to brush up on all of S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA’s files. TJ hadn’t found anything about the guy with the metal arm, but he was sure that he was just another HYDRA agent. Maybe he was dead? Steve hadn’t talked much about it. He just said he needed to get to Fury’s grave. (TJ ignored how weirded out that made him feel).

As they got into the back of the car, TJ breathed a sigh of relief, feeling the cool air from the A/C brush against his skin. It was a nice change from the pressing bodies of the reporters. “You okay, baby?” he asked.

Steve didn’t answer. He just kept staring out the window, his brow pinched.

“Steve?”

Again, no answer.

TJ looked out the window, wondering what was in Steve’s mind. To be able to do what he’d done, to have survived such a horror… TJ had no idea what this did to Steve’s mind. Was he suffering PTSD? TJ nudged Steve with his leg, lightly tapping his foot atop Steve’s.

Steve finally tore his gaze from the window. “Bucky?”

TJ furrowed his brow. “TJ,” he corrected.

“Oh…shit…” Steve ran his hand heavily over his face. TJ knew it was never a good thing when Steve swore. “I’m sorry, Teej.” He dropped his head back against the headrest. “I’ve just… I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“Talk to me then,” TJ offered. “That’s what lovers are for, right? Besides the obvious romp in a public place but hey…we’re still in the puppy love stage. We can always save that for when we think we’re getting bored of each other.”

Steve didn’t laugh. His expression was pained and he looked like anyone did before they broke up with someone.

TJ grabbed Steve’s hand, kissing the knuckles lightly. “What do you need, baby?” TJ asked. He kissed each finger now. “Please talk to me.” He brushed his lips over Steve’s vein in the back of his hand that spit off like two roads. He pulled Steve’s hand into his chest, pressing his lips softly into Steve’s palm now.

Steve just watched. His eyes were still apprehensive and he was chewing his bottom lip.

“Steve please talk to me,” TJ said, his voice more anxious and his eyes widening in terror. _‘Please don’t break up with me, please don’t break up with me.’_

“I…I saw him. He saved me.”

TJ now was full blown panicking. “Saw who, baby?” he asked gently, unbuckling his seatbelt and coming to sit in the middle seat. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso, but Steve didn’t lean in. If anything, he leaned away.

“Bucky.”

TJ thought he was just mixing up the names again. He kissed Steve’s shoulder. Pressing his face into the clean, white cotton of Steve’s shirt. “Baby, who’d you see?”

Steve turned to him finally, grabbing his chin so their eyes locked. “I saw Bucky, Teej.”

TJ’s eyes widened to their fullest as his mouth formed the smallest yet most horrified amount of shock possible. “You saw…Bucky?”

“He’s been with HYDRA. They’ve experimented on him and wiped his memories.”

TJ didn’t even want to visit the memory wipe thing yet. He was too focused on the fact that Steve’s dead lover was supposedly walking around and now saving Steve from the hellicarrier crash. “H-he’s alive?” TJ croaked. He tried to offer some kind of supportive smile, but he was sure it was laced too tightly with pain. He wasn’t okay with this. He wasn’t okay with Bucky being alive because if Bucky was alive then that meant Steve had no reason to keep TJ around and if Steve had no reason to keep TJ around TJ was going to be left with nothing and he just _couldn’t_ be alone anymore. He’d die. He’d do so much coke and drink so much that he’d just go off and die. He’d die! He’d fucking actually die!

Steve finally noticed the look of paralyzing terror on TJ’s face, because he wrapped an arm protectively around TJ, pulling the man further into his chest. “Hey, Teej, it’s okay,” Steve whispered.

“How’s it okay?” TJ countered softly. His voice was steady. He didn’t have the strength to yell.

Steve didn’t answer for a long time. They’d listened to the road under the wheels, felt the gentle curves of the road, but Steve seemed like he took an eternity to speak. “We’ll figure this out.”

“You’re gunna leave me,” TJ finally said. “He’s gunna be there and you’re gunna leave me.”

TJ felt Steve flinch. “One step at a time, Teej,” Steve said. He wasn’t denying it. TJ closed his eyes, inhaling Steve’s scent. It was classic Old Spice with a hint of milk. He’d never forget that scent, even if he didn’t have Steve in his life anymore. “But…” There it was. There was the word that inevitably did so much damage that people were often left spinning after those three little letters. “I need to find him.”

“Where’d he go?” TJ somberly asked.

“I don’t know. He left me on the shore of the Potomac.”

TJ clung to Steve as if breaking away would cause him to fall into the sky. “So you’re gunna leave? Now?”

Steve pressed a long, soft kiss into TJ’s temple. “I’ve gotta find him, Teej.”

“Y-yeah… Yeah I know. I just…” TJ felt tears burn the corners of his eyes. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t show Steve how badly he was hurting. He understood. Steve loved Bucky. Steve had always loved Bucky. TJ had just been there to fill the void and no matter how fast and hard TJ fell in love with Steve, TJ knew Steve only had room in his heart for one man. One Bucky motherfucking Barnes. “So…we go to Fury’s grave and you just leave?”

Steve nodded, tracing TJ’s lips with his index finger. “I’ll call you every day. Text you constantly and send you pictures of where I am. I promise.”

TJ lightly bit Steve’s finger, sucking it into his mouth. He couldn’t deny how turned on he’d get when he’d suck Steve’s fingers. Steve even knew. But there was something painful about it now. Like Steve was only doing it because he knew it made TJ happy. TJ shoved Steve’s finger out of his mouth with his tongue, turning away. “It won’t be the same. Knowing you’re out there…looking for _him_.”

Steve sighed, shifting his weight as the car bounced over a pothole. “I didn’t expect this to happen, Teej. I thought he was dead. He was my best friend.”

“He was your lover,” TJ corrected. He knew he was being foolish. He knew completely logically how this was supposed to go down. Why he couldn’t just be happy for Steve though… why he had to make himself out to be the scorned lover? He didn’t know. Maybe to salvage some of his dignity? To find a way to rise above this crushing blow?

“Best friends can be lovers too,” Steve responded. He was always so patient. He’d wait out TJ’s outburst too, just like he waited out anything TJ threw at him. Damn it, it hurt so bad TJ could barely breathe. To lose someone so flawless, inside and out… It was maddening. “You know you’re my best friend, too.”

TJ swallowed the lump in his throat. “Bucky’ll always be your favorite.” He wanted to punch himself for how selfish he was acting.

“Why can’t I like you two for different reasons?” Steve responded casually. “You may have the same face, but you’re not the same people. You’re a lot more animated and bubbly, and extremely unsure of yourself. Bucky was always more sarcastic, doting and relatively confident. I have to make sure you don’t go walking under a falling piano, and Bucky was always making sure I didn’t go walking over an alligator.”

“So you’re saying I’m a kid?” TJ countered.

“I’m saying you’re carefree. Bucky couldn’t have that luxury. He was always making sure I had food and medication to take.”

TJ had read that Steve was an extremely small, sickly thing before the super serum. He’d seen the pictures. TJ would be the first to sadly admit, pre-serum Steve was _not_ his type. Still, if Steve lost all his powers in the next five seconds and snapped back into that tiny, dainty little frame again, TJ would still love him as much as he loved him now.

“Look, Teej,” Steve said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was getting irritated. TJ was surprised. He’d never seen Steve really irritated about anything. “I’m not breaking up with you. You’re my boyfriend, and I care deeply for you. But…me and Bucky…” He let the sentence hang in the air.

TJ knew already. He knew all of this. He had no right to feel jaded, upset, or like he was drowning. He had no right to feel like this was the last moment he’d ever have with Steve. He had no right, because Bucky had never had that _choice_. Bucky had fallen from a train. He’d been taken by HYDRA and experimented on, apparently. Bucky never gave Steve up, and thus…TJ had no right to think he had any sort of claim on Steve. “So…what do we do?” TJ asked, cursing inwardly at how his voice shook.

Steve kissed him softly, slipping his tongue into TJ’s mouth so lightly that it was like TJ was eating honey. He didn’t want Steve to leave him. He knew he had to let him…but he didn’t want this. He couldn’t live without Steve. He’d been through too much already with drugs, alcohol and….the stupid republican Ohioan. He couldn’t do this again. TJ pulled at Steve’s cotton shirt, intertwining his fingers into the fabric. The kiss was so soft and full of anxiety and questions that TJ didn’t know whether to be turned on by it or if he should break down and cry.

Steve pulled away, cupping TJ’s face. “I’ll call you every day.”

The car had stopped. They were in the cemetery. TJ could see Sam already with Steve’s motorcycle and another dark skinned man with sunglasses on.

“When you find Bucky…” TJ began. “You have my permission to kiss him n’ stuff.”

Steve laughed, kissing TJ on the forehead. “Every day. I’ll call. I love you.”

TJ wanted Steve to say his name in that sentence. He wanted Steve to say, “I love you, _TJ_.” Every time Steve had put a name in there, it had always almost been Bucky’s. TJ couldn’t hate Bucky, but he wished he could. It would be so much easier to handle this. He could lash out and go get high and fuck a bunch of guys whose names he didn’t know. He could get lost in the anger and just let it all wash over him till he didn’t know what was up or down. But not this time. He had to face this. Bucky was back. Steve’s soul mate was back. TJ couldn’t compete with that.

* * *

 

Bucky’s memories had come back like a tidal wave after the Potomac incident. He’d spent weeks hiding in dark corners of alleyways, crying and beating the walls till his flesh hand was nothing but a mangled mess of bone and blood. He’d almost killed Steve. He’d spent most of his life protecting that blonde, stubborn punk and there he was, putting several bullets into him.

Thankfully, Steve _was_ a stubborn punk. If it hadn’t been for Steve, Bucky would never remember his life. He would never have remembered the beautiful memories of when he and Steve were growing up, the Howling Commandos, or his first kiss, (or his first kiss with Steve, for that matter). 

He’d been reluctant to seek Steve out at first. He couldn’t face him. Bucky had a lot of demons, and a lot of anger he needed to get out. He’d spent most of his time taking out HYDRA agents that he’d remembered when the wipes on his mind were no longer lingering. He needed to even the playing field. He needed to atone for what he’d done, even if he only did it because of brainwashing and torture.

Seeing Steve now, standing next to the fireplace that cast dancing shadows across Steve’s face, Bucky couldn’t remember why he hadn’t just sat at the shore of the Potomac and waited for Steve to wake up. Steve was on the phone with someone. He spoke in hushed tones and his voice was strained. Whoever it was, they were putting up a fight with Steve.

Bucky leaned back on the couch, resting on his elbows. He hadn’t cut his hair and his rough stubble was starting to itch, but at least he was with Steve. He was comfortable, safe (for the moment), and with Steve.

Steve hung up the phone, turning to Bucky. His eyes were etched with pain that shot cracks of black lines into those bright, blue eyes. Bucky cocked a brow.

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve said. “I’m taking care of it.”

“I used to say that to you when we didn’t have enough rent money,” Bucky countered, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “That also meant I was panicking and about ready to sell my soul to the devil to make sure you had a roof over your head.”

Steve rolled his eyes. He sat in the armchair. Bucky didn’t like that. When they lived with each other, they had to put on a farce to the world. They had to lie about their love, but when they were alone and behind closed doors, they wouldn’t stop touching. Bucky could remember the nights were it was so cold that he’d get Steve to have sex just to stay warm. He could remember tangling himself into Steve’s small, bony body, pulling soft giggles from Steve as he tickled his ribs. Fuck HYDRA for depriving him of Steve for so long. He couldn’t wait to put another bullet into one of those fuckers.

“It’s complicated Buck. A lot has changed since you’ve been…” He winced. “Away…”

“C’mere,” Bucky said softly. “The last time we touched each other it was because I was beating your face into a pulp.”

Steve’s shoulders tensed. Bucky sat up. Steve used to always leap for a chance to be in his arms. During the war, Steve couldn’t sleep without Bucky’s arms around him. None of the Commandos cared. Bucky wasn’t even sure if they knew it was more than just friendship, but if they did, no one said a word about it. Don’t ask don’t tell, Bucky guessed. “Steve…”

Bucky watched as Steve rubbed his hands together anxiously, rocking back and forth a bit. Bucky had known Steve long enough to know that behavior. Steve was hiding something.

“If you don’t tell me what’s up your ass, I’m…” Bucky licked his lips, threatening violence wasn’t the best option. “I’m going to go insane.”

“Nice save,” Steve said flatly. “I told you… A lot’s changed.”

Bucky licked his lips again, clicking his tongue. “From what I’ve seen, people like us don’t have to hide it so badly anymore. I could even take you out dancing. Dunno if you’re too big though to stand on my feet like we used to practice though…”

Steve laughed out a humorous laugh.

“Talk to me, Stevie,” Bucky said, standing up and kneeling in front of the blonde. He was so big now. Bucky scanned his face, that throat, big enough for two hands instead of one, those broad shoulders that seemed to cradle the weight of the world. Bucky reached out, squeezing one of Steve’s knees. “Is it me?”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hands so fast that Bucky wasn’t even sure if Steve realized he was doing it. “No!” Steve shouted. He blinked a few times, trying to gather his emotions back in check. “No, Buck. I’m…I’m so, so, _so_ happy you’re here. I’m so happy you’re alive and…” Tears welled in the corners of Steve’s eyes. “I missed you so much.”

Bucky sat up, balancing on his knees, brushing his nose against Steve’s. He watched as Steve’s shoulders tensed, but Steve didn’t back away. “Then what’s changed?” Bucky kissed Steve’s cheek. “Why won’t you talk to me, baby?” Bucky kissed the other cheek. “Do you still love me?”

Steve hesitantly pressed his lips against Bucky’s, breathing out an anxious sigh. “Yes,” he responded. “I love you more than anything.”

Bucky traced Steve’s lips with his tongue. “Then what’s wrong, beautiful?”

Steve gasped. “I can’t do this.” He gently pushed Bucky back down on the floor and stood up to move toward the fireplace.

Bucky ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth, mildly irritated. “You’ve never kept a damn secret from me in your whole life. You couldn’t even wait till Christmas to tell me what you got me.”

“I know, Bucky!” Steve shot back, his voice tight.

Bucky stood up, taking a few steps toward Steve. “Well obviously it’s my fault! Is it the government? HYDRA? S.H.I.E.L.D? If they know you’re protecting me−”

“It’s none of that, Buck!” Steve interrupted. “And even if it was, you know I’d do anything to keep you away from them.”

“I can take care of myself too, Steve! I took care of you long enough!” Bucky yelled, his brow furrowed. They had fought many times in their lives, but Bucky was utterly confused by Steve’s hesitant behavior. When he initially approached Steve again, they’d hugged for what felt like an hour. Sam, Steve’s friend had been with them. He was the reason they were in this cabin in upstate New York now. Sam’s family owned it and it was safe and secluded. Ever since that moment though, Steve hadn’t so much as looked at Bucky without some strange hesitancy in his eyes.

“It’s not about whose taking care of who!” Steve shouted back. “I’ve…” His voice broke and he slumped down in front of the fireplace. “Jesus, Bucky… I thought you were dead. I thought you were dead and that I was alone and…”

Bucky was starting to connect the dots. If Bucky was gone, he couldn’t ask Steve to stay celibate for the rest of his life. Bucky ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek, thinking if Steve was married or if he’d just been fucking people. Steve was old fashioned. He wouldn’t just fuck anyone. It had to mean something. “You’re with someone?” Bucky asked with the most painfully fragile tone.

Steve just nodded before he dropped his face into his hands and cried.

Bucky sat down next to him, putting an arm over Steve’s trembling shoulders. “Steve…Steve it’s okay. I was gone. You didn’t know.”

“That doesn’t make this okay!” Steve sobbed. “Nothing about this is okay!”

“Why not?” Bucky asked simply as he rubbed at Steve’s back with his flesh hand. “You’re not married are you?...Are you?” Bucky actually really wanted that question answered.

“No, Buck. I’m not married.” Steve was settling down. He rested his head back against Bucky’s shoulder.

“Girl or guy?” Bucky asked.

“Guy.”

“You love him?” Bucky didn’t know if he was ready to hear that answer, but he decided that out of all the questions he had, this one had to be the one answered first. Bucky loved Steve. Aside from the memory wipes and HYDRA work, Bucky had never stopped loving Steve. The last real memory he had that wasn’t full of drugs and torture was Steve’s panic-stricken face as Bucky slipped from the train. When all his memories came back, it was like that was just yesterday. But Steve… Steve had had time to grieve now. He obviously had time to move on.

“I…” Steve’s voice cracked. “It’s complicated.”

“Why’s it complicated?”

“Because…he looks just like you.” Steve’s eyes wetted with fresh tears, and he allowed them to silently spill from his eyes. “I thought he was you.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. He may have had the occasional sexual romp with a female to make sure he really was gay…but he was pretty sure there’d been no babies out of it.

Steve took out his phone, flipping to a picture of the guy with Steve. Bucky grabbed the phone, staring in disbelief at what he saw. Steve was with a man who was _identical_ to Bucky. They wore their hair differently, and this guy clearly had money from the suit he was wearing, but that was Bucky. “Oh my fucking God,” Bucky breathed out. “Who is he? Is he related to me?” His eyes rounded. “Steve, I didn’t get some dame pregnant did I?”

“I-I don’t know. We never really asked about that. I think we both just felt it was better not knowing.”

“So he knew about me?” Bucky asked, handing the phone back.

“Y-yeah. Even let me call him “Bucky” when we…”

 _‘Made love,’_ Bucky finished the sentence in his head. “He…was okay with that?”

Steve’s face bunched up. “He’s…really lost. He’s struggled with drugs and alcohol. He’s not as strong as you.”

Bucky nodded. “So…” Bucky said heavily. “Was he who you were talking to on the phone?”

“Yeah.”

Bucky scratched right below his eye. Steve never moved on. Steve always loved Bucky and it was so upsetting that there had been another, flesh and blood human being involved. Steve was radiant and magnetic. Everyone was drawn to Steve after he became Captain America. Everyone could finally see how good and wonderful Steve had always been. This kid didn’t stand a chance against Steve. Bucky was damn sure that whatever-his-name-was, was completely in love with Steve. Why else would Steve call him every night? “So…we’re done then?”

Steve spun around, grabbing Bucky’s hands. “N-no…”

“Then you’re breaking up with him?” Bucky asked. He felt extremely guilty. He didn’t even know the guy’s name but he couldn’t deny the deep ache that reverberated in his stomach. This guy had just been caught up in the middle of the most fucked up love story on the planet.

Steve sighed heavily. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Bucky. How does this even happen? You died. I died. I came back. I…found him. I thought you were still dead and then D.C happened and…” He sucked in a deep breath. “And then I found you, alive and…now TJ’s terrified and he’s trying so hard to be supportive and I’m just tearing at both of you and…”

Bucky pulled Steve’s face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around Steve, gently shushing him. “You not tearing at me. I get it. You love him. And that’s okay. I love you and I’m okay with whatever you want. You want both of us? I’ll let you have both of us. I just want you to be happy. No one could have guessed this would happen.”

Steve pushed Bucky down, clashing his lips atop his. Bucky yelped as their chins collided heavily and the stubble on both their faces scraped against each other, like gentle sandpaper. Bucky’s hands were instantly in Steve’s hair. He rolled them over, straddling Steve but not breaking their rough kiss. Their lips were wet and sloppy and their tongues fought for dominance as they intertwined and massaged against each other.

Bucky laughed into the kiss, startling Steve. “What?” Steve breathed out.

Bucky looked down at Steve’s face. His chin was red from the friction and his lips were swollen. Bucky could see Steve just like this back in 1937. “His name’s TJ?”

Steve looked like he was going to try to get out from under Bucky, but Bucky brought his metal arm down against the hardwood floor. The ferocity of it cracked the wood and startled Steve. “Y-yeah,” Steve breathed out.

“You took care of him?” Bucky asked again, rolling his hips, getting a rise out of Steve’s cock.

“Mm, yeah,” Steve gasped. 

Bucky smiled devilishly, bending down to kiss Steve’s chin, his cheekbones, and his eyelashes. “I’m gunna take care of you now. Just like I always did.”

Steve let out the most delicious whine Bucky had ever heard. He brought Steve’s legs up to wrap around his torso, kissing at Steve’s neck, dancing his tongue over the flesh and biting hard enough to draw out a pained hiss. Steve’s hands instantly wrapped themselves into Bucky’s hair as he rolled his hips into Bucky. “I’m sorry, Bucky,” Steve whispered.

Bucky kissed Steve’s lips quickly, over and over again, making loud smacking sounds as he did so. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, baby.” He pulled a small knife out of his back pocket, twirling it around in his fingers for a moment before cutting open Steve’s shirt, revealing that broad chest and defined abs. He had loved Steve’s small body so much. He’d loved watching Steve’s ribs move up and down as he gasped for air, his eyes squeezed tight as Bucky would enter him. He’d love feeling those hip bones bump against his, leaving soft bruises from how hard they’d go at it. This body though… Bucky was completely okay with this body as well. He wouldn’t have to be so soft with this body. Growling lightly, Bucky kissed across Steve’s chest, massaging Steve’s thighs with his flesh hand as his tongue explored the curves and shadows of Steve’s chest. He brought up his metal hand to finger at Steve’s nipple.

“Bucky!” Steve yelped. “Cold.”

Bucky ignored him. The hand would warm up quick enough. He glided his canines down the middle of Steve’s sternum, nipping at the muscles that rested below.

“Bucky…” Steve whined out. “I missed you. I missed you every day.”

Bucky went down further, tickling his tongue into Steve’s navel, blowing lightly to receive small giggles from his lover. He didn’t mind sharing Steve. He understood this was the most unique situation…ever. TJ looked like Bucky and Steve loved Bucky so Steve loved TJ and Bucky would accept that. Hell, maybe he’d even learn to love TJ. It’d be weird at first, but… Bucky had masturbated enough in his life to not care if TJ’s dick looked just like his. “I missed you too, baby.”

Bucky unzipped Steve’s pants, slipping his fingers past the man’s underwear and grabbing his cock. Bucky used to tease Steve about how the serum had enlarged it as well, but when Steve started to become deeply uncomfortable about the subject, Bucky had never spoken of it again. “I missed this too,” Bucky purred, giving Steve a few good strokes before yanking Steve’s pants completely off.

Steve lifted up his hips so Bucky could easily remove the fabric. He rolled his head back in pleasure as Bucky fingered around the slit. “Would you like my mouth, baby?” Bucky asked playfully. “Do you want me to suck you off?”

Steve nodded exuberantly. Bucky loved how his eyebrows would furrow during sex. Bucky laughed softly, bringing his lips to the tip of Steve’s cock, placing a few chaste kisses there as he stroked the base with his flesh hand. Steve’s hips lurched, but Bucky pulled away before he’d get smacked in the eye with Steve’s cock. He could remember many times where that had happened… “Hey you, simmer down or I’ll stop touching.”

“Bucky…don’t do that…” Steve whispered.

Bucky laughed, licking up the base of Steve’s cock, swirling his tongue around the cockhead, pulling soft moans and sighs of content from Steve. Bucky had always been more vocal of the two during anything sexual, but it was mostly because Bucky wanted to always make sure Steve was good with whatever they were doing. When he’d been smaller, Bucky’s cock would cause Steve to bleed, but if Steve wanted it, and he was sure he’d wanted it, Bucky would give it to him. He didn’t have to worry about that anymore, or at least, he didn’t think so.

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky said before taking Steve’s cock entirely into his mouth, sucking deeply as he lapped at the ridge. Steve groaned, pulling at Bucky’s hair.

“Y-your hair…” Steve breathed out. “It tickles.”

Bucky hadn’t realized his hair was long enough to tickle around Steve’s cock. He huffed out his nose, swirling his tongue around Steve’s cock before coming to gently nibble at the cockhead, light enough that it didn’t hurt, but Steve still gasped. “You want me to stop then?” Bucky asked.

“No!” Steve exclaimed. “It just…tickles.”

Bucky laughed, licking with just the tip of his tongue against Steve’s slit, tasting the bitter precum that was beginning to seep out. He grabbed at Steve’s balls, massaging them with two fingers, rhythmically, like a heartbeat.

“Bucky!” Steve groaned out. “I missed you.”

“You like my mouth, huh, baby?” Bucky whispered against Steve’s cock, letting his tongue jut out just enough to lightly brush against Steve’s cock as he spoke. He lapped at it once, just for good measure.

Steve bucked his hips, hitting Bucky’s cheek with his cock. “I love your mouth,” Steve whispered back. “I love you, Bucky.”

Bucky pulled Steve into his arms. Their lips collided as Bucky managed to pull Steve atop him. Steve’s cock bumped into his torso lightly, causing gentle moans to escape from Steve’s lips. Bucky slipped his tongue into Steve’s mouth, tracing his lover’s teeth, remembering the years that each baby tooth fell out, or in some cases, were punched out. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s back, feeling the smooth skin and remembered when he used to be able to barely reach behind his own back from how small Steve once was when he held him so close. “I love you, Steve,” he mumbled against Steve’s lips. “I love you more than anything.”

Steve nodded, kissing Bucky’s nose. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky cupped Steve’s butt with both his hands, watching Steve hiss lightly at the cold from his metal arm. “You don’t got anything to be sorry for,” Bucky said, laying on his Brooklyn accent. He’d noticed Steve’s accent wasn’t so prominent anymore.

“I have a lot to be sorry for,” Steve responded, his eyes despondent.

Bucky kissed him, pressing his nose into Steve’s cheek as he sucked Steve’s lip into his mouth, before gently grazing it with his teeth. He licked at it, massaging any pain he may have caused away. “Which hand?” Bucky asked, changing the subject. He didn’t need to vocalize his feelings to Steve. The way Bucky kissed him was enough.

Steve pulled back, his eyes round. “Uh…”

“I kinda wanna try this one,” Bucky said, bringing his metal fingers up to trace Steve’s lips. “That okay, baby?”

Steve nodded.

Bucky groped Steve tighter as he pressed his lips, gently into Steve’s, feeling his heart bang against his chest as it tried to leap into Steve’s. Steve was his everything. His entire reason. His life. He’d do anything to make Steve happy. He’d do anything to keep Steve… including letting TJ share Steve. “I love you,” Bucky said again. He knewhe’d said it way too many times already, but he’d keep saying it. He’d keep saying it till Steve finally understood that there was nothing to be sorry about. This was just how it was going to be now.

Bucky brought his metal fingers up to Steve’s lips, letting Steve gently suck on them. He couldn’t feel it, but watching it made Bucky’s cock twitch as it reminded him how hard it was. He needed out of his pants. Coated in Steve’s saliva, Bucky inserted a single, cold, metal finger into his core. While he couldn’t exactly “feel,” his brain did receive pressure indicators. Steve hadn’t done this in awhile, so the ringed muscle squeezed at the intrusion of the foreign object.

“Bucky!” Steve gasped. “It’s so…”

“Weird?” Bucky finished before pressing a kiss to Steve’s chin.

“Yeah,” Steve said softly. His eyes were shining. Bucky was sure this was hurting him a bit. "But I like it."

“We can go as slow as you need, baby,” Bucky said, finally moving his finger around inside Steve.

Steve shook his head from side to side. “I’ve been without you way too long to take this slow,” Steve said as he kissed Bucky roughly, biting down on Bucky’s bottom lip.

Bucky growled as the nerves seared in pain. He responded by biting down where Steve’s neck met his shoulder, biting so hard the skin broke.

“Bucky!” Steve yelped, pressing his hips harder against Bucky’s torso.

“That’s not being slow, right?” Bucky teased as he inserted another finger into Steve’s ass. The muscles relaxed and tightened around the other metal intrusion. Bucky watched Steve bite down on his bottom lip, clenching his eyes tightly for a moment before humming in approval. Bucky moved his fingers in and out gently, using small scissoring motions to prepare Steve for his cock. “You’re gorgeous, Stevie.” He pressed a kiss to Steve’s Adam’s apple, licking at it as Steve kept humming.

“That feels nice,” Steve whispered. He dropped his head to the side, allowing Bucky to kiss down his neck. Bucky sucked at the skin, making sure not to get too voracious otherwise he’d forget what his fingers were doing, and he had to maintain focus there to make sure he didn’t hurt Steve, since he couldn’t entirely feel what he was doing.

Bucky pulled soft moans from Steve as he continued to thrust his fingers inside him, gently curling the tips as he pulled the fingers out to stretch the rim as much as possible. Steve was practically purring at how methodical Bucky’s fingers were.

“You okay with another one?”

Steve nodded, nipping playfully at Bucky’s lips. They laughed together, as Bucky inserted his last finger, knowing he needed to take it easy for a second. He focused his attention to Steve’s cock, pressing his torso against Steve’s, curving his spine in and out so he could pleasure Steve with his stomach.

“B-Bucky,” Steve gasped. “That…that’s…”

Bucky laughed, kissing Steve’s shoulder. “Want my shirt off?” Bucky offered.

Steve nodded quickly. “Mmm, yeah,” he whined.

“Cut it off then. My hands are kinda busy.”

Steve reached for Bucky’s pocket knife, slicing the thin material over Bucky’s torso to expose a muscular torso, dotted with a few scars. “Bucky…” Steve breathed, touching at the scaring on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, baby,” Bucky said as he pressed a kiss to silence Steve’s protests. “I’m with you now.” He quickened his pace with his fingers, curling them over Steve’s prostate like he’d done so many times in the past, so long ago.

Steve’s body tensed as he tried to jerk up, yelping in surprise. He groaned. “Sh-shit! I forgot how that feels.”

“You’ve not had anyone finger you since me?” Bucky asked; a solo brow cocked.

“This is pretty much reserved− only for you,” Steve said as he pressed a gentle kiss over Bucky’s lips, claiming Bucky in a way that no other man could. Bucky’s heart fluttered. He arched his back again, grazing his abs against Steve’s cock, loving the small moans and whines that came from the back of Steve’s throat.

Bucky quickened his fingers’ pace, spreading them out as much as he could each time he’d pull them almost out of Steve’s center. He continued to roll his spine, gently grazing Steve’s dripping cock against him, coating his stomach with his lover’s beautiful precum. HYDRA had taken this all away from him. They’d taken Steve away and forced him into the arms of another; they’d removed these beautiful moments away from Bucky’s memories and left him with nothing but a blank space between his ears that was full of HYDRA lies and protocols. Bucky growled, feeling his anger rise as he thought on it.

He crashed his lips against Steve’s, using his fingers quicker now, more desperate as he tried to remove HYDRA from his thoughts. He only wanted to think of Steve. He curled his fingers against Steve’s prostate again, paying particular attention to it now as he felt his lover squirm above him. Steve’s voice cried out, a rhythmic, _Bucky, Bucky, Bucky_.

Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed Steve back against the floor, pulling his fingers out. Steve scooted against the couch, watching as Bucky removed his pants. Bucky loved the way Steve chewed his bottom lip when he was this turned on. He’d done it since the first time they’d ever made love. Real love… and not just that awkward “get me to come” kind of interactions they did back in high school before they admitted there were actual feelings behind the gestures.

Bucky crawled over to Steve, locking his lips with Steve’s. Even in death, even in torture and anguish and pain and impossible odds, they’d found each other again. Bucky wanted to cry, except he knew he’d freak Steve out and then this would be all over. “Steve,” he whispered. “I need you.”

Steve nodded, spreading his legs so Bucky could fall into them as he pulled one of Steve’s legs over his shoulder and the other around his waist. He brought his cock up to Steve’s entry, spitting on his fingers to coat his cock. He gave himself a few strokes, coating the saliva as much as he could before angling his cockhead at Steve’s core, pushing in lightly.

Steve gasped, his whole body going rigid. Bucky shuddered as the muscles around his cockhead tightened, attempting their best to force him out, but he just waited. It had been so long. He kissed all over Steve’s face, paying special attention to those thick, black eyelashes that started to wet with tears. “We can stop if it’s too much,” Bucky said.

“Please don’t,” Steve mumbled. “I need you too.”

Bucky smiled, pushing a bit further in, moaning as Steve’s heated center opened just the slightest for him. It was in moments like this where he felt like he and Steve were one person. Their breathing was labored, but in rhythm with each other’s. Their bodies curled and pushed against each other like a single entity. “Jesus, Steve,” Bucky moaned out. “You’re so tight. Oh baby, you’re so fucking tight.”

Steve laughed, but it was strained from his discomfort. Bucky waited, feeling his toes tingle as his cock practically sent waves of rushing pleasure, like a bubbling stream against every nerve in his body. Steve pushed against Bucky, taking more of him inside. Bucky groaned. He couldn’t take it. HYDRA had stolen this from him and he needed it back. He needed to feel Steve all around him. He needed to feel their souls curl together as if they were meant to be the same person all along. HYDRA had removed this and Bucky would die before someone took it away again.

He gently rolled his hips, pulling his cock out just enough to let it rest, barely inside before moving softly back in, pulling gentle moans and hums from Steve’s body. Bucky loved how he hummed.

Bucky’s limbs shook as he waited in agonizing anticipation for Steve’s body to finally relax completely. He kissed Steve’s lips, searching desperately for some other pleasure to feel. Steve’s ass just felt _so good_. Steve hadn’t let TJ ever touch this. This was Bucky’s. Bucky belonged right here. He danced his tongue across Steve’s, lulling it gently over small taste buds that seemed to practically shiver as Bucky’s hot tongue explored that gorgeous, glorious mouth.

“Bucky,” Steve moaned. “M-more. I need more.”

Bucky was all too happy to oblige. He pushed further into Steve, moaning loudly with repetitive, _Oh fuck, yes baby, oh God you’re so tight, baby._

Bucky rocked his hips gently; rolling them expertly enough to make sure his cock caressed every hidden dip and curve of Steve’s gentle cavern. He felt Steve’s body respond, clenching and unclenching around his cock as Steve moaned softly.

Steve leaned back, accidently moving the couch back so Bucky crashed down on him. Both men moaned loudly as Bucky slid completely inside. “Jesus, Steve. Fuck…I love you. You’re so tight. Fuck, Steve.”

Steve had never been as vocal as Bucky, but he was more vocal tonight than Bucky could remember. He whined melodically as Bucky continued to rock into him. He pulled himself up, wrapping an arm around Bucky so he could keep kissing him through little yelps and gasps as Steve’s cock would brush up against Bucky’s abs.

Bucky’s resolve waivered and he found himself moving quicker, moaning louder as he continued to rock his hips into Steve, pushing his cock further and further inside. Each divot, each little ridge or texture sent pleasurable electric pulses throughout Bucky. He groaned as they reached his toes, curling them involuntarily. “Fuck, Steve…Steve…”

Steve responded with fervored kisses, lapping at Bucky’s lips and his tongue desperately, whining and moaning into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky could tell Steve was close to climaxing from how desperate and strangled those whines started to become. He rocked harder, aiming just a tad down so he’d graze over Steve’s prostate.

“Bucky! Shit! Bucky, Bucky!” Steve moaned loudly as he rocked back into Bucky, anxious to feel that pleasure again.

Bucky chuckled, kissing down Steve’s throat. “I love you, Steve. I love you so, so much,” he whispered against the skin.

Steve squirmed underneath him, desperate for a release. His limbs were shaking and Bucky felt knuckles hit his abs rhythmically as Steve stroked himself.

Bucky gently uncurled those fingers, kissing each knuckle before saying, “That’s my job. I’m taking care of you, baby.”

“Then do it, you jerk,” Steve whined out. “Bucky, please, do it.”

Bucky wrapped his fingers around Steve’s cock, flicking his wrist expertly as he gently massaged up and down. He’d press his finger into Steve’s slit, getting his finger wet enough to coat Steve’s cockhead with the precum.

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky,” Steve whined out, moving his hips faster as he rocked into Bucky. He was close.

Bucky responded, pushing further in, keeping his angle down so he’d graze Steve’s prostate over and over. In and out.

“Steve, Steve, Steve, fuck baby, you’re so gorgeous!” Bucky whined. He knew he could turn Steve on just be saying his name over and over. Steve’s body responded as Steve’s cock started to squirt out Steve’s climax, spraying onto Bucky’s torso. “Yes, baby, come on baby!”

Steve moaned loudly, his body clenching around Bucky’s cock, pulling out that familiar heat within Bucky’s abdomen as his own seed coated Steve’s insides. He pressed his face against Steve’s, kissing him over and over to keep from screaming out how good he felt; how good Steve made him feel. He saw flashes of the war, holding Steve in his arms, their old apartment, the baseball fields; their first time together. He whined loudly, saying Steve’s name over and over, telling him he loved him over and over and over till Steve shut him up with a kiss.

Bucky pulled back, coating his fingers with Steve’s seed as he lapped at his fingers, delighting in the way Steve tasted.

He yelped as Steve pushed him back, knocking Bucky’s cock out of him a bit too quickly for Bucky’s taste but he wasn’t complaining when Steve was atop him, licking off all the cum that had smeared onto Bucky’s torso. Steve lapped at it hungrily, slurping and smacking his lips as he cleaned Bucky off.

Bucky just laced his fingers into Steve’s hair, closing his eyes as he let Steve explore his torso with his tongue. “I missed you,” he finally said.

Steve kissed him on the lips, lying atop him and resting his head against Bucky’s chest. “I missed you too.” Steve sucked in a long, deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting the air escape his lungs.

Bucky furrowed his brow, looking down at Steve. “You okay?”

Steve tried to smile, but it was evident he was thinking about TJ.

“We can talk about TJ you know. I’m not going to freak out,” Bucky said.

Steve propped himself up, gently pressing his elbows into Bucky’s chest. If Bucky had been his previous size during the war, that would probably have hurt, but he could withstand Steve’s muscles and bones with his own now. “I get you’re fine with me and him,” Steve said. “I just don’t know how he’ll react to you.”

Bucky knit his brow. “So you’re going to tell him you’re seeing both of us?”

Steve laughed. “Jesus, I’m a whore.”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s fingers, kissing them lightly. “No you aint. You’re just…” Bucky pursed his lips. “In an odd situation.”

“Odd is the biggest understatement of the century,” Steve said as he collapsed against Bucky’s chest. “I’m dating a man from this century who looks like a man I was with last century…who is now in this century.”

Bucky laughed. “If he doesn’t understand that, then he’s not worth you. You’re worth sacrificing everything for.”

Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s torso, pressing feather kisses against Bucky’s pectorals. “You’re worth sacrificing everything for, too.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “If he can’t understand this situation, then he can get out of it.”

“Wouldn’t you like that?” Steve countered. Bucky could hear the smile on his face.

“Truthfully, I’m not thrilled at the idea of sharing you, but we both share something unique with you. So…it’s okay. He gets you one way, and I get you another.”

“Oh what? You get to make love to me and I to him?” Steve looked up at Bucky; his smile radiating off his features.

“Well that too, but I was meaning like… we’ve got history. We’ve got a different kind of love. He needs you in a way that I don’t. I need you in ways he doesn’t. Christ, Steve, I don’t know. I just get it.”

“Don’t think I’m unhappy about that!” Steve said, kissing Bucky’s clavicle. “I’m honestly shocked you are okay with it.”

“He looks like me. So clearly he’s extremely handsome and dashing…” Bucky laughed. “But…he _looks_ like me. So maybe I feel…protective of him? I don’t want to hurt him.”

Steve pressed a soft, slow, and warm kiss against Bucky’s lips. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. When do I get to meet him?”

Steve rolled off Bucky, shock evident in his eyes, as he sat up. “I didn’t even think about that.”

Bucky sat up. “You…were just going to keep us separate?” Bucky’s heart clenched. If he was going to share TJ with Steve, it needed to be out in the open. They needed to all have a relationship together; otherwise, it just wouldn’t work. Bucky would get too jealous and TJ would probably do the same. They needed an open, honest relationship for this to be successful.

“N-no. I mean. Maybe?” Steve ran his hands over his face. “I’m terrible at this.”

Bucky stood up, grabbing his pants and picking up the remnants of his and Steve’s shirts. He shoved his legs into his pants, not caring about underwear. “Step one, let us meet each other. Step two. Let us work that out later.”

“Okay,” Steve said. “I’ll call him. See if he can come here.”

Bucky nodded. If he were to waltz into D.C, CIA, FBI, and whatever ABC left out there would be all up on him. He was public enemy number one right now, since HYDRA was exposed to the world. There was hardly anything in his record with S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA was smart to only keep certain files in their mainframe on the Winter Soldier. Bucky didn’t fault the US government for thinking he was some super powered assassin. But he wasn’t ready to face that legal onslaught yet.

He needed to meet Steve’s other boyfriend first….

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. That happened. Sorry it was so long! Next chapter: Bucky and TJ finally meet!  
> And now for my guilty pleasure of TJ being TJ.  
>   
> Oh look! TJ's telling this guy to pretend he's not TJ! ...Apparently this is a thing TJ does with everyone! 
> 
>   
> Can we just talk about those arms. Yeeesssss.
> 
>   
> Dat smile at the end.... <3
> 
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> Let's be friends!


	3. Two is a Pair and Three is a Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and TJ finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo this chapter is 28 Microsoft Office pages, single spaced. Dear God... I can't stop writing this. If you're following any of my other Stucky stories, I swear those will be updated shortly! Hopefully within this week. I just...can't stop writing about TJ/Steve/Bucky. Also, because this chapter is so long, I skimmed it to edit it, so expect some typos! 
> 
> Also, I've decided that there's a lot more plot that I want to do with this story, so I've expanded this to be 10 chapters instead of 5. Wewt! Hopefully that's not a problem!
> 
>  **Warning** , this chapter has more in depth "come play" (as tagged in the tags section). If that sickens you, you've been warned. (It's not very long and drawn out, so hopefully you can just gloss your gaze over it).

TJ couldn’t begin to describe the degree of nervous wreck he’d become. True to Steve’s word, the man called every day when he went out looking for Bucky. He’d texted when he could and he often took the occasional selfie with Sam just to prove a point. TJ knew Steve was trying to prove that he wasn’t leaving him, but TJ still didn’t feel safe about their relationship. After the night Steve said he’d found Bucky, Steve had stopped texting. He called every few days and always sounded tired and stressed. Steve had claimed it was because Bucky wasn’t entirely “all back” yet; which TJ assumed that had meant his memories weren’t all sorted out.

It had been several weeks since Steve had found Bucky before Steve finally decided that TJ should come up and meet him. “Are you sure? I just…I don’t want−”

“ _You’re not going to intrude, TJ_ ,” Steve responded over the phone; a mild, irritated tone to his voice. _“Bucky’s got all his memories back, he’s stable, and he wants to meet you.”_

TJ hadn’t expected that, but he should have. Of course the man who was Steve’s real lover wanted to meet the imposter. TJ would bet money that Bucky just wanted to point and laugh at him. TJ had worked so hard at really getting clean. He’d been sober for (most) of his relationship with Steve. He’d done so well up to this point, but now TJ was staring down at a line of coke with anguish bubbling inside his soul. He was going to lose Steve. He was going to meet Bucky, see how the two of them interacted and then TJ would know the end would come. He’d watch Steve come up to him, with those big, broad shoulders and that glorious, kissable Adam’s apple and he’d try to gently let TJ down. Of course TJ would be accommodating and he’d quietly leave Steve’s life, pretending the raging storm inside didn’t exist.

TJ bent over, sucking back the line of coke into his nose, shaking out his head as the sting rang behind his eyes as the drug shot right into him. He blinked a few times, trying to steady himself. He stared at his reflection in the jet’s mirror. He just wanted to get high and move on. He just needed something to take the edge off as he battled with the pain of losing Steve. This was going to be it. Why was he even putting himself through this? Why was Steve going through all this trouble to just break up with him?

Tears spilled over TJ’s cheeks as he shook out another line of coke. He felt ashamed. He’d been so good, but he couldn’t do this without his beloved crutch; cocaine. TJ wore drugs like most knights wore armor. When things got tough, TJ was drowning in a bottle of tequila and several lines of cocaine. Life got tough and TJ just got high. That’s who he was. Steve would never be able to accept that, and so TJ wasn’t worth Steve and this was all a terrible mistake. TJ felt so foolish, thinking he actually had a chance with Steve.

He walked back to his seat, feeling the drugs start to numb his nerves and calm his senses. He’d just keep staying high. He’d meet Bucky, get broken up with, and then just get really, really high. He could handle that. As long as he was high, he wouldn’t have to feel the pierce of his heart as Steve would gently speak about how this was never going to work and that Bucky had always been the love of his life. TJ could endure the shattered bits of his heart as long as he had his cocaine.

* * *

 

TJ swayed in front of the cabin’s door, the rush of cocaine still searing into his bloodstream. He was terrified. The further this progressed, the faster Steve would officially end things and the faster TJ’s world would come crashing down upon him. Why did he always fall for men he couldn’t really have? First it was Reeves with his republican attitude, and wife…and now Steve, with his All-American Good Guy and boyfriend from the 30’s. TJ laughed. His life was so fucked up that he probably wouldn’t know how to go after a normal guy even if he wanted to try.

The door opened before TJ could even knock. Steve stood there, sporting blue flannel pajama pants and a white v-neck. _‘Why are you so beautiful.’_ The look in his eyes was fearful; anxious.

“Jesus, Teej…are you high?” Steve asked, pulling TJ into the cabin, grabbing TJ’s elbows to steady the swaying man. “Your eyes are bloodshot.”

TJ didn’t want to answer. He bit his bottom lip, staring down at Steve’s chest. Words couldn’t describe just how badly he wanted to fall into that wide, loving chest and just cry.

“TJ,” Steve said softly, wrapping his arms around TJ. He cradled the back of the brunette’s head, running his fingers lazily through the brown strands. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve put you through this.”

TJ felt the tears before he even had the chance to stop them. Steve was already breaking up with him? He didn’t even have the decency to allow him to meet Bucky before his heart was ripped from his chest and stomped on?

Steve pulled back, kissing both of TJ’s closed eyes. He wiped at TJ’s damp eyes, licking his lips. “Teej,” he said quietly. “I’m not leaving you.”

TJ looked up with round, shocked eyes. “W-what?”

Steve laughed. “You’re acting like this is it. It’s not. Things are just going to change, but I’m not leaving you…as long as you’re not leaving me.” Steve caressed TJ’s arms softly, running his fingers up and down over TJ’s black, leather jacket.

TJ felt like the ground was shaking. If Steve wasn’t there to partially hold him up, he’d fall over and descend into the deepest pits of the Earth. Things were going to change? But Steve wasn’t going to leave? TJ hated himself for this even more. Steve was too good. TJ, a drug addict and a home wrecker wasn’t worth such a true, honest-to-God, superhero. “I’m sorry,” TJ said. His voice was raspy and strained. He dropped his face into Steve’s chest, feeling relief wash over him like a tickling ocean wave on the sands. “You should leave me.”

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around TJ, resting his cheek atop TJ’s head. “Why?”

“Because I’m an addict. I can’t get straight no matter how hard I try. I’m just…getting in the way for you two.”

Steve kissed TJ’s forehead. “You’re an addict. I accept you. Each time you stray from the course, I’ll help you get back on it. We can get through this. We were getting through it, Teej.”

“Yeah…but then…” TJ closed his mouth before he shoved his foot in it. But then Bucky came back…and everything was thrown up into the air and TJ had no idea how it would hit the ground.

“Why don’t you come into the living room with me,” Steve said, stepping back and grabbing TJ’s hands. “I want you to meet him.”

TJ felt tears well up in his eyes again. “Please don’t make me do this,” he cried softly. “I can’t do this.”

Steve furrowed his brow, running his thumbs over the backs of TJ’s soft, fragile fingers. “But you’re not alone, and we can do this together.”

TJ didn’t want to meet Bucky. He didn’t want to see the man that Steve idolized, loved and worshipped. He didn’t want to see the man who Steve whispered over and over again as he orgasmed inside TJ. He didn’t want to see the man who Steve always accidently said he loved. This was all a mistake. He sniffed, stifling back another sob. What was happening? Steve couldn’t possibly decide to stay with TJ over Bucky fucking Barnes. Bucky was everything to Steve. TJ couldn’t hold a flame to such a presence in Steve’s life. Why were they even fooling themselves that they could still be together with Bucky in the picture? It wouldn’t last. TJ almost wished Steve had ended things with him right at the door. TJ could have turned around, done a line of coke and hopped his ass back to D.C.

Steve pulled TJ away from the entry way and down a short hall. The living room had a large A-frame window with vaulted ceilings. It was bright and open. TJ would have been impressed if he wasn’t so fixed on the man sitting on the couch. His hair was longer than TJ’s and his face so much rougher, yet they were completely identical.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky said, standing up. “You really do look like me.”

TJ’s heart squeezed. Of course Bucky would say that TJ looked like him and not the other way around. Bucky wasn’t the copy or cheap knock-off. He was the real deal and TJ was just the copy that pretended to be an individual. TJ just licked his lips, holding back tears. This was so much worse than just being broken up with. His whole nervous system screamed from the high of the drugs pumping though him and the pain that he was experiencing at the realization that Bucky Barnes was a living, breathing, _real_ person.

“Bucky, this is TJ,” Steve said, pulling TJ further into the room. “Teej, this is Bucky.”

They stared at each other. TJ assumed Bucky was analyzing all their differences just as much as he was. Bucky had more stubble on his face. His eyes were cold and his body was almost as ripped as Steve’s. TJ felt so weak between the massive muscles of the other men. They could tear his body limb from limb like he was simply just a rag doll.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Bucky pressed, standing up and walking over to TJ. He hesitated but then threw his arms around TJ, causing TJ’s eyes to go wide as he froze in place, feeling his heart split. Bucky was embracing him. Bucky was pulling him so close into his chest that TJ could feel his cut abs and the soft curves of his shapely pecks. TJ started to whimper as new tears stung his eyes. “Hey, we’re gonna be friends, so…don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay.”

Friends. Bucky wanted to be friends. Was this some kind of joke? How could _they_ be friends? They both loved Steve more than anything else. How could they be okay with each other when all they wanted was the man with the ocean blue eyes and the gentlest smile the world had ever seen?

TJ let out a shaky sigh, feeling his muscles spasm under Bucky’s embrace. Bucky must have sensed how uncomfortable he was, because he backed up, offering a strained smile.

Steve stood to the side, clearly at a loss for what to say. TJ didn’t fault him. What could he say? What could he do to make this situation better? This kind of thing didn’t happen. TJ should have known better when Steve showed him that picture of him and Bucky all those months ago. He should have known to stay away, but he’d just wanted to get laid _so badly_ that night.

“You hungry, thirsty or anything?” Bucky asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Your arm!” TJ called out, having caught a glimpse of the silver. TJ had heard about the Winter Soldier’s metal arm, but no one could ever confirm that it was actually a true appendage.

Bucky offered his left arm to TJ, pulling his long sleeve away to expose the shimmering metal. “You can touch it, if you want.”

TJ’s curiosity grabbed at him, and he jumped at the offer. He ran his fingers down the smooth, cold metal, listening to it as it whizzed and zinged. “Why’s it making those sounds?”

“My brain sends messages to it, like the brain does to the rest of the body. It just gets loud sometimes. I haven’t had it looked at since…” He winced, dropping the sentence.

“Since HYDRA?” TJ finished. He saw the pain that washed over Bucky’s face. TJ would have felt guilty for causing such an expression if he wasn’t high…or pissed that Bucky was alive.

Yes, he was angry. Bucky had no right to be alive right now. He had fallen off a train! He should have died. TJ should have Steve because Steve was an impossible man with the ability to do impossible things but here was Bucky, another impossible man doing impossible things and TJ just felt…so helpless.

Bucky cleared his throat, offering his palm up to show TJ. TJ ran his fingers over the palm, tracing up the fingers. “Can you feel it?”

“Sort of. It’s not like how skin can feel, but I can feel how light or hard something’s pushing against it. More of a safety precaution. If the arm was getting crushed and I couldn’t feel it, then I’d destroy it and from what HYDRA said, it costed a high penny.”

TJ nodded. He bit his lower lip, dragging his teeth over the slightly cracked skin of his lips. “If my mom knew you were here right now…” TJ laughed. “Jesus, she’d have the National Guard here in a second.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed and he stepped back, dropping his arm from TJ’s reach. “Your mom’s…in the government?”

“Oh, B-Bucky, his mom’s Secretary of State. I…kind of forgot to mention that,” Steve said from his corner in the room.

Bucky nodded, his brows rising in shock. “You gonna tell her?” he asked, looking directly into TJ’s soul.

“N-no. That’s not my place,” TJ responded. He could though. He could call his mom and let her have the glory of capturing The Winter Soldier. He’d raise her chances at winning the presidency for sure. “You’ll turn yourself in when you’re ready.” The jab was low and TJ was damn aware of it, but he couldn’t help it. Bucky was…nice…and beautiful and it was so evident how much he cared for Steve to allow TJ here like this. Bucky was on the run from the US government and he’d trusted in Steve enough to believe TJ wouldn’t expose him. TJ knew he was being a shithead. But he just…couldn’t stop.

Bucky licked at the corner of his lips, his eyes saying everything that his mouth wasn’t. He wasn’t entirely thrilled about that comment, but for Steve’s sake, TJ knew Bucky would let it drop. “So TJ,” Bucky said. “You love Steve?”

The question was so forward that TJ stumbled back a few paces, feeling the couch behind him. He dropped into it, his mouth gaping as he continued to look at the man before him. He was starting to see why people feared the Winter Soldier. This man…with his metal arm and muscles and that face… It was TJ’s face but it wasn’t. It had seen so much horror and experienced so much pain. Bucky was more than twice the man TJ was.

“Bucky…” Steve said, stepping forward.

“Steve, we’re having this conversation,” Bucky said tightly. TJ was surprised at how obedient Steve was, because Steve just went back to leaning against the wall, saying nothing.

“TJ, do you love Steve?” Bucky asked again.

“Y-yes,” TJ breathed out. He was honestly expecting Bucky to suddenly whip out a knife and fling it right into his throat.

“So do I,” Bucky said a lot gentler now. He offered a small, warm smile that didn’t do anything for the darkness in his eyes. Bucky sat down close to TJ, brushing his shoulder against TJ’s.

“I know,” TJ said through clenched teeth. Was Bucky going to be the one who decided if Steve stayed with TJ then? Maybe Steve had planned it this way all along. Maybe he’d told Bucky to be the one to end TJ’s relationship with Steve so TJ could have someone to blame that wasn’t Steve. That was cowardly and TJ prayed it wasn’t the case.

“We’d like to ask you something,” Bucky said, motioning for Steve to come closer. Like a perfectly trained puppy, Steve sat on TJ’s other side, wrapping his arm around TJ’s shoulders. TJ could never command such a response from Steve. TJ was always the one following behind Steve’s shadow, hoping that Steve would turn around and smile at him before each mission, each press release… TJ could never wield the power Bucky had over Steve.

“But if you’re not comfortable with it, we can figure something else out,” Steve inputted.

“But I really hope you’ll be okay with it,” Bucky said, like he and Steve shared the same mind. In a way, they did. They’d spent their whole lives together, save for the last seventy, but those were unique situations.

“I love you, Teej,” Steve said. TJ’s heart fluttered. Finally…finally Steve had said it. Bucky was sitting right there and for once Steve didn’t input Bucky’s name or leave the sentence just as an “I love you.” It was whole and complete and focused directly on TJ and TJ’s stomach exploded into thousands of tiny butterflies, tickling at the underside of his skin. “I love Bucky, too.”

Suddenly TJ didn’t feel so happy.

“None of us thought this would happen. I thought Bucky was dead. Hell, I thought I was dead,” Steve said. “I can’t lose either of you.”

TJ nodded, huffing a solo, pained laugh. “So what? We play divorce? He gets you on weekdays and I get you on weekends?”

Bucky laughed. TJ was surprised at how similar that laugh sounded to his own. “Not exactly,” Bucky said, intertwining his fingers into TJ’s. TJ wanted to pull back. He wanted to shake off Bucky and all his prowess. TJ couldn’t help but feel utterly weak and powerless between Captain fucking America and the motherfucking Winter Soldier. He was just a drug addicted, gay, white kid. He felt like an ant between giants.

“I can’t lose Steve,” Bucky continued, pulling TJ from his thoughts. “And you can’t either. So that just leaves you and me.”

TJ laughed. It was bitter and he rolled his eyes. “You’d kill me in a second if you’re saying we fight for this.”

Steve laughed that time, sitting back to kiss TJ on the cheek. TJ’s heart melted as he felt those soft lips against his face. TJ looked to Bucky, watching as he smiled. _‘How the fuck is he okay with this?’_

“I wanna know you,” Bucky said. “You seem like a guy who just needs a more…specialized support system.”

TJ would have shoved that insult right back if he hadn’t been so proud that Steve had chosen to kiss his cheek just moments ago. Support system? TJ had meetings for that…not that they were doing any good. Obviously they weren’t as he sat here coming down from his coke high.

“So this is what I’m proposing,” Bucky said again, looking down at his fingers laced with TJ’s. “We both want Steve and Steve wants both of us. So…let’s want each other. I know it’s weird cause you and I are…basically twins-”

“That’s an understatement,” Steve teased.  Bucky sent him a pointed look and Steve closed his mouth.

“TJ, you and me,” Bucky said, diverting his attention completely back to TJ. Who was this guy? How was he so…like this? TJ would never have had the strength to let someone else be with his lover, let alone say he was willing to be with that guy in addition!

“Polyamory?” TJ blurted. “You’re suggesting…polyamory?”

Bucky bit the side of his lip. TJ was astonished at how similar even their behaviors were. If this guy was someone in the family tree…then they were about to get really incestuous. TJ felt his head spin. He didn’t need to stress about that. Ignorance was bliss and he was staying completely ignorant on Bucky Barnes and that family lineage potential. “I’m suggesting how to make us all happy. Polyamory, learning to love each other too, whatever you wanna label it. I just want Steve happy and…I want you happy.”

TJ had to have heard that wrong. Bucky wanted him happy? Him? The man who’d stolen his boyfriend and fucked shit up? The man who’d come into this house high on coke and weak and rude? “You’re fucking with me,” TJ breathed out.

“No he’s not, Teej,” Steve said, giving TJ’s shoulders a little squeeze with his arm. “Bucky doesn’t want anyone to get hurt in this. It makes sense this way.”

TJ looked away from them, staring at the large cobblestone fireplace. He traced his lips lightly with his tongue as he thought. Bucky was proposing they…they date too? This wasn’t just sharing Steve. This was sharing…everything. TJ would have two boyfriends. He could go up to Bucky and kiss him whenever he wanted, or he could go up to Steve and let that man’s glorious body ride TJ like a horse that needed to be broken in. He could hold Bucky at night and then turn into Steve when he needed to shift. He’d have both of them… “What the actual fuck,” TJ breathed out, laughing as this was all finally sinking in. “I’m not high enough for this shit.”

Bucky sat back, releasing TJ’s hand. “So you’re saying no?” Bucky asked, cocking his head to the side. “I could help you, TJ. I know what it feels like to be so completely controlled by something else that all you want is it. I know what an addiction feels like.”

Great, now TJ was being patronized. He stood up, pacing toward the fireplace. “Oh please…”

Now Bucky stood up. “Do you honestly think I just let HYDRA do that shit to me? Do you honestly think I allowed them to put this fucking piece of metal on me?” He gestured to the arm like it was the most disgusting thing on the planet. TJ was surprised. He thought the arm beautiful. “TJ− they pumped me so full of drugs that I spent most of my time higher than a fucking kite. They stole my memories; they tortured me for fun because they could get away with it.” His voice cracked. TJ could see the tears building in Bucky’s eyes. “I know what you feel and I’ll do anything to help you.”

“Why? For Steve?” TJ lashed out, pointing accusatorily at Steve. “You shouldn’t give a shit about me! You should _hate_ me!” TJ’s heart was racing and his ears were so hot. How could Bucky be so strong? How could he be so okay with this after all that he’d been put through? If it had been TJ with HYDRA, the last thing TJ would want is some other guy sniffing around his lover.

“I don’t hate you.” Bucky said back, keeping his voice calm and steady. His eyes were empty of any emotion and TJ hated that. Bucky would make the best politician if he wasn’t already labeled the worst terrorist. “TJ, I could do so much for you. Please let me help you.”

“I’m not a fucking _charity_ case!” TJ yelled, feeling hot tears slide down his cheeks. His gaze flickered to Steve, looking at that tight-lined mouth and that furrowed brow. It was evident Steve wanted to say something, but he wasn’t. He was trusting Bucky with this. That kind of trust… Jesus, TJ couldn’t contest with Bucky Barnes.

“No,” Bucky said, still keeping his voice down. He walked over to TJ, slowly reaching out with both hands; metal and flesh, pulling TJ’s hands into his and lacing their fingers. It was disgusting how well these fingers fit into the folds of each other. They were parts of a puzzle and complete when together.

“No, you’re not a charity case. And neither am I. When I first came to Steve…I got so pissed at how cautious he was being with me. I wanted to smack him upside the head and just run, cause it would have been easier than facing what’s happened. We were torn from our lives in the most unpleasant of ways. We woke to a world where our families and friends were long dead. It’s easier to run away, and I know you’re trying to and I’m not gonna let you. Steve needs you, TJ. I need you. I’m not gonna let you run away.”

TJ allowed the tears to fall from his eyes like a stream after heavy rain. People like Bucky didn’t exist…because most people would have died in a situation like his. Bucky was so much stronger. He was probably even stronger than Steve in his conviction and will. TJ bit down on his lip hard, giving the smallest of nods. Bucky pulled him into his chest, stroking TJ’s hair and whispered, “We’re gonna get you through this. I’m gonna get you through this.”

TJ felt the warmth of another body behind him as he cried into Bucky’s shoulder. Steve wrapped his strong arms around TJ, resting his head on TJ’s shoulder. TJ couldn’t deny how…warm he felt. Bucky and Steve’s bodies ran hotter than his. He assumed it was because of their heightened metabolisms. It felt so good to be between them. TJ was a dainty caterpillar and Bucky and Steve were his cocoon. Men like Bucky…they didn’t exist, but here Bucky was, strong and loving and offering so much more than TJ could ever have imagined. There was no pointing and laughter or cruel words or even an end.

This was a beginning. And TJ would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited for the future...albeit a bit scared it could turn out too good to be true.

* * *

 

TJ had agreed to Bucky’s terms. They were to be open with each other. They weren’t playing divorce. They were as much romantically involved as Steve was with them. Bucky made TJ promise that if TJ thought Bucky was giving more attention to Steve, that TJ should say something so Bucky would divert his attention to TJ.

TJ had told his mother he was in upstate New York, but didn’t tell her a location and that he was with Steve and that everything was fine. Of course she’d made him promise to bring Steve with him for a dinner party eventually. TJ would deal with that one later. Right now, most of his attention was diverted to getting to know Bucky.

TJ already admitted that Bucky wasn’t like most people. Most people were selfish and cruel where Bucky was selfless and compassionate. He was doting, Steve had been right. They’d spent an entire night on the sofa with their legs spread out against each other’s asking questions about the other as Steve hid in the kitchen making steaks. TJ told Bucky about Sean Reeves, the Ohio republican senator that had caused his suicide attempt two Decembers ago. He told Bucky about his constant struggle with drugs and the pressures of being a politician’s son. He even told Bucky about his nightclub and how he’d again overdosed the night it opened. He talked about his love of the piano but not wanting to be stuffed into a music class to entitled brats that had no appreciation for the piano.

Bucky also shared his love for the piano with TJ. He told TJ about his life with Steve. Bucky talked about how he’d looked after Steve as they grew up, often finishing fights that Steve started, or how he had to take odd jobs to pay for the rent and Steve’s medicines. He talked about the war and his job as a sniper. He shared his stories about how Bucky and Steve had to hide their relationship since it was so protested against back then. He told TJ about his love of baseball and how he missed going to ballparks. He talked about HYDRA, letting TJ ask him anything about the experience. He talked about the torture and how it felt to not be seen as human anymore. Their conversations got so dark that they both ended up crying a few times as they swapped stories.

“You’re probably the strongest person I know,” TJ said, watching as Bucky wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks.

Bucky laughed. “You’ve met Steve Rogers right? I swear I thought you met Steve Rogers.”

TJ laughed. “He’s strong in a different way. Your mind’s stronger than his.”

Bucky laughed, laying his head back to look up at the ceiling fan. “Yeah, Steve’s not the brightest bulb, huh?”

TJ laughed. He honestly never thought this would happen. He never thought he could feel so…okay with this. He was even becoming so attracted to Bucky. But it wasn’t Bucky’s face that he was attracted to. Looking at that face was like looking into a mirror in some ways, though TJ knew his face better than anyone, and he could even see the small details that differed between them. Bucky had the most beautiful personality. He was radiant and open despite HYDRA. The government couldn’t have been more wrong about him. Bucky wasn’t a terrorist. He’d been a prisoner of war. TJ would have to figure out a way to mediate that one day. Bucky didn’t deserve to be tucked away for the rest of his life. He’d been tucked away for too long.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Bucky asked.

TJ licked his lips, thinking about the question. He scrunched up his face as he thought hard. He had a lot of them. So many fears, but the one that scared him the most rose to the top of his brain, plastering its image to the back of his eyes. “Being exactly what everyone’s always thought I’ve been.”

Bucky cocked his head to the side, clearly indicating that he wanted TJ to continue.

“I’m an addict. Yeah, I know. But my grandma, my mom…hell even my brother. They all look at me like I’ve already got a foot in the grave. They always get so surprised when I talk about doing something off in the future, like they don’t expect me to make it that far.”

“That tends to happen when you’ve attempted suicide once and overdosed on drugs,” Bucky stated. His tone wasn’t cruel. He was stating cold, hard fact and TJ couldn’t fault him for it.

“I know,” he sighed. “I guess. I guess I just…I know I don’t wanna be that guy. I just…I don’t know how to get away from it.”

Bucky sat up, curling his legs under himself and reaching out to TJ’s face. His rough hands cupped TJ’s face. TJ squirmed under such a heavy gaze. Those steel-blue eyes had seen so much. Yet Bucky had been able to come back from it all. “You start by admitting you fucked up. Don’t keep putting blame where it doesn’t belong. You did it to yourself. You chose those actions, fess up to it and move on from it.”

TJ scrunched up his face. His first instinct was to shove that back in Bucky’s face. But instead, TJ just sighed, realizing that Bucky knew more about this than Steve ever could. “You fess up to yours?”

Bucky sat back, crossing his legs; Indian style. “I did. It doesn’t make it any easier. It just…helps. I know I’ve got to face...” He swirled his metal hand around in the air as he searched for a word. “A lot of shit soon but… taking responsibility is the first step to recovering from the stress of trying to find anything to blame but yourself.”

“But HYDRA took you. You literally had no choice. I had a choice,” TJ said, surprised at how defensive he was being for Bucky and not himself.

“Doesn’t matter. I still held the gun. If a court of law wants to exonerate me, I’d be the happiest man alive, but if they’d rather convict, then that’s that.”

“I don’t want you to be convicted,” TJ blurted, grabbing Bucky’s flesh hand.

Bucky laughed, grazing his teeth atop his bottom lip as he looked down at their hands. “You know… I didn’t think it would be this easy.”

“What?” TJ asked.

“You and me.” He used his metal hand to trace the lines in TJ’s fingers. “I just met you but…I know you. I know your story and I want to be there to prove everyone how wrong they are about you.”

TJ laughed. “Well…I guess it makes it easier when we look more identical than me and my _actual_ twin. Plus…you’re ridiculously nice. Like I want to hate you from how nice you are.”

Bucky laughed. “I’m not nice. Just wait till you see me in the morning. I’m all groans and insults till I’ve had at least three cups of coffee.”

TJ heard the soft clatter of plates in the kitchen. TJ assumed from the smells wafting in that the steaks was almost ready.

“Can I kiss you, TJ?” Bucky asked suddenly.

TJ’s heart went into a spasm. He knew that they’d do that eventually, but he didn’t think it’d be so soon. Then again, why was TJ suddenly shy about the idea? He’d kissed plenty of guys he’d just met. Sometimes he hadn’t even met them, he’d just gone up to them and locked lips.

“If you’re not comfortable with it yet, that’s okay,” Bucky said, sensing TJ’s hesitancy.

“No, no it’s fine. You can kiss me,” TJ said, feeling his fingers start to tremble. It was weird, looking at a face so similar to his and yet being so utterly attracted to it. He bit his bottom lip lightly, letting his jaw go slack as Bucky leaned in. Their noses brushed, eliciting nervous, breathy laughs from them.

Bucky closed the distance, pressing his lips against TJ’s. He slipped his tongue into TJ’s mouth softly, paying no mind to the small yelp that emitted from TJ’s throat. Bucky tasted good. He was sweeter than Steve, but colder. TJ was surprised how cold his mouth felt despite how warm his body was. TJ whimpered as Bucky pulled him up onto his lap, expertly deepening the kiss and teasing TJ’s tongue to come explore his mouth. Bucky was a better kisser than Steve, but TJ still loved Steve’s kisses.

He felt like he was cheating on Steve. He felt like Steve could come in at any second and start to freak out and yell about how this had all been a terrible mistake. He clutched Bucky’s red shirt, pulling at the cotton fabric as he pushed his tongue into Bucky’s mouth, gliding his tongue under Bucky’s cool canines before Bucky’s tongue came to greet his, swirling around it like a flirty girl at a party, teasing TJ to force deeper inside. Instinctively, TJ rolled his hips, shivering as Bucky moaned into his mouth. He wasn’t ready for this though…he felt if Steve wasn’t around it was cheating. Steve needed to be there for TJ to feel comfortable being sexually active with Bucky. Christ! He was going to have to be sexually active with Bucky! His body responded, sending a shivering pulse down his spine, right into his core as he moaned again into Bucky’s mouth. He shouldn’t have been so excited about the prospect of Bucky inside him, ramming that cock so deep TJ could taste it. But he was. He was exhilarated at the idea of Bucky. Bucky with these rough hands and those guarded eyes. He was like a mystery book and TJ needed to solve it.

“Ahem,” Steve called.

Abruptly, TJ was pulled from his fantasy, staring at Steve who sported an amused grin and sparkling eyes. “Dinner’s ready.”

Bucky moved to stand up, picking TJ up and setting him onto the ground like TJ weighed nothing. Jesus, these super soldiers and their strength. Bucky walked by Steve, not saying anything, but he paused at Steve’s side, grabbing Steve’s waist and placing a possessive kiss atop those lips, squeezing Steve’s ass.

TJ smiled in amusement. Bucky was Steve’s top. It was so evident in the way they behaved together that TJ could have figured it out the second he met Bucky if it hadn’t been for Steve’s revelation of it the night they met.

TJ now walked past Steve, but it was Steve who grabbed TJ’s wrist and pulled him into his arms, placing feather-light, chaste kisses atop TJ’s lips. TJ loved how gentle Steve was. Bucky was rougher, sexier, but TJ loved Steve’s gentleness best. Bucky was exciting, but Steve was ethereal and TJ loved Steve so, so utterly too much. “I love you,” Steve said against TJ’s lips. “I love you, Teej.”

TJ smiled, pressing a kiss into Steve’s lips. “I love you too.”

“Thank you, for being so understanding,” Steve said, pulling back and looking deep into TJ’s eyes.

“He’s kind of hard to resist,” TJ answered honestly. “Then again I should know. I’m kind of hard to resist too.”

Steve laughed, kissing TJ on the forehead and leading him by the hand into the kitchen. Bucky was already dishing out portions. “You two sit, please,” Bucky said as he walked around the island to toss the salad.

“Bucky…” Steve protested.

“Sit,” Bucky ordered. “You cooked it. The least I can do is slap it on a plate and tell you to eat it.”

Steve laughed, but he listened. TJ was fascinated at how large Bucky’s presence was. Whether it be Bucky Barnes or the Winter Soldier, Bucky was his own gravitational pull and TJ was damn sure Bucky had no idea that he was.

TJ sat next to Steve, linking his leg with Steve’s as he caressed Steve’s foot with his own. Steve smiled, playing back and trying to step on TJ’s foot. It had become somewhat of a game for them.

Bucky placed the plates in front of them before sitting in his own chair. He was so light-footed, like an elf or something, TJ thought. He moved like a ghost yet TJ was constantly aware of his presence. Steve was different, always loudly stomping with his heel and commanding a room with his sheer size. Bucky commanded differently; with subtly. _‘And then here I am…just kind of existing between these two…’_

“Your cooking has improved since 1937,” Bucky teased.

“We used to boil everything,” Steve said to TJ. “Plus it’s a lot easier to get spices. Supermarkets are amazing.”

Bucky laughed, cutting up his steak. “I’m proud of you, Steve.”

“Why?”

“Your taste in men has never changed. You’ve never settled for anything less than exceptional.”

“You’re exceptional?” Steve shot back, smiling wide.

“Of course!” Bucky laughed, taking a bite of his steak. It was the first time TJ had seen Bucky’s eyes sparkle. The steak must be good then. It was brief and the storm that raged within Bucky’s eyes was back before TJ knew it, but he’d seen those eyes light up. Steve made Bucky light up. Bucky loved Steve. Steve loved Bucky. Bucky…could love TJ…and TJ could love him. It wouldn’t be hard.

* * *

 

“I’m fine, mom,” TJ said into the phone for the umpteenth time. “Seriously the air’s great, I’m sober and Steve’s been taking great care of me.”

 _“I just worry about you, Tommy,”_ Elaine said over the phone. _“You’ve been gone for a month now.”_

“We’ve done a lot of hiking. It’s been really good for me mom!” So that was half a lie. There had been no hiking, but TJ’s month here had been really good for him. He’d gotten to know Bucky at an alarmingly fast rate and was completely sure he could fall in love with him, though neither had said it yet. Steve had started to join them more instead of letting them get to know each other. It was nice though. TJ needed to see how the three of them interacted. It’d been easy so far. There’d been no fighting and at night when it was chilly out and the wind howled, TJ was safely tucked between two of the strongest people alive, getting little kisses on his cheeks every now and then. He loved sleeping between Bucky and Steve. Though occasionally, Steve would sleep in the middle. He’d mostly press his face into Bucky’s chest, but TJ didn’t mind. TJ knew that Steve needed to be loved by Bucky as much as TJ needed to be loved by Steve.  

 _“When are you coming home though? I need you to be here for the campaign.”_ Elaine said. _“Your brother is having a heart attack with you not here. He says it makes the media suspicious. Like you’re in rehab.”_

“Well, we can safely and truthfully say I’m not in rehab,” TJ said, seeing Bucky and Steve walk in, groceries in hand. He smiled at them as they walked into the kitchen. "Just tell your press friend that I'm in New York with my boyfriend. You're not lying."

 _“Is he ready for that? Though, it’d be nice to have Captain America on my side too, you know,”_ Elaine pushed. _“With Ellis commanding the Iron Patriot I fear my numbers will fall.”_

Of course it would. Having Captain America, a cultural icon and bona fide superhero would do wonders for Elaine’s presidency campaign.

“No offense mom…but Steve isn’t thrilled with your views on powered people right now,” TJ said slowly.

_“What? I’m not saying round them all up and put them in a pen! I’m just saying they should accept their powers and put them forth for the greater good!”_

“What if they don’t want to? What if they want to be left alone and hidden?” TJ asked, thinking of Bucky.

_“I don’t think that’s their choice. With great power comes great responsibility.”_

“I think…we disagree, Mom. I love you and I’ll be home soon, with Steve. You two can hash this out. I’ve gotta go though.”

 _“I love you, Tommy,”_ Elaine said.

TJ hung up the phone, walking into the kitchen. Bucky had Steve pressed against the sink. Their hips grinded against each other roughly. Bucky was moaning into Steve’s mouth, running his fingers up and down Steve’s abdomen as Steve’s fingers curled into Bucky’s hair.

TJ laughed, which caused the two to stop and look around like they’d been caught stealing something. “Please don’t stop. I was just gonna watch and maybe rub one out.” Though, TJ couldn't ignore the pang in his heart as he watched Steve interact romantically with Bucky, but he pushed it aside, ruling it as just nerves to this new adjustment of the three of them.

Bucky laughed. Steve blushed. It was adorable how…soft Steve became around Bucky. Steve was TJ’s protector, his shining light and fountain of hope, but Bucky was Steve’s protector and it was beautiful to see both sides of Steve; the one that needed protection and the one that offered it selflessly.

“My mom wants you to endorse her campaign,” TJ said, going over to one of the bags and pulling out some vegetables to put in the veggie bin.

“What about Bucky?” Steve asked.

“I think he needs to talk to my mom. She can protect him if he just tells her the story. Everyone’s gonna see you were a POW.”

Bucky had shrank two sizes as he wrapped his arms defensively around himself. TJ bit his lip, stepping toward Bucky and wrapping his arms around him. “We can protect you.”

“I don’t need protection, TJ,” Bucky said softly, though his tone was a bit bitter.

Steve sighed as he continued to put groceries away, though his behavior was a bit abrasive. They all knew this was the one subject that none of them liked talking about.

“You can’t keep hiding. Step one, admit you fucked up. Step two…face it,” TJ said, reminding Bucky of the words he’d told him a month ago. “Step three, move past it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but he kissed TJ’s lips gently, playfully twisting one of TJ’s nipples, earning a yelp. “You deserved that, punk.”

“You shit-head!” TJ laughed, rubbing his fingers over his stinging nipple to sooth the nerves.

Bucky sighed, walking silently over to the kitchen table where he propped his head up with his hand. “What if your mom doesn’t protect me though? What if she throws me to the mercy of the CIA?”

“She wouldn’t do that. Not to me,” TJ responded. Steve handed him a few bags of popcorn to put up in the cabinets.

Bucky nodded, running his hands through his hair. He looked so tired. “Okay. I trust you.”

Steve and TJ exchanged looks of surprise and a bit of excitement. Bucky trusted TJ. Bucky. Trusted. TJ. TJ knew he hadn’t exactly had to prove anything to Bucky about being trustworthy since Steve had already provided enough of a “letter of recommendation” in that department, but to hear Bucky say it aloud… it really made TJ feel good. He smiled, proud of himself, spinning around and skipping over to Bucky where he pulled his other boyfriend’s head back and placed an upside down kiss on those soft lips that completely mirrored his own. He had no idea why the thrill of kissing Bucky was so intoxicating, but it was the closest thing to feeling high TJ had now, and he was okay with that. It was sexy and taboo, and no matter if they were related or not, it was still racy and scandalous. Oh if the media ever found out…they’d have a field day.

“So we can finally leave this place? It’s pretty and all but I miss Starbucks and wifi,” TJ said through a smile.

Bucky and Steve responded in laughter. “Yeah,” Bucky said. “We can head out whenever you two are ready.”

“I’m gonna pack my things!” TJ beamed, buzzing out of the room and up the stairs to their bedroom. He tossed his clothing into his suitcase, not caring that it wasn’t folded and pressed. He’d just have it all dry cleaned later if there was any extensive damage. He was already pulling out his phone to arrange one of his family’s private jets to get them. He missed D.C. He missed people and the excitement of the world around him, buzzing like a beehive. He missed the tabloid photographers who used to piss him off. He missed his brother and mother…he even missed his dad. After he’d arranged for the jet to be there in a few hours, he continued to spin about the room, piling up Bucky’s clothes and Steve’s on the bed in their respective piles.

Steve entered the room, laughing as he watched TJ hop around and grab all his things. “You really sick of us?”

“I’m not sick of you. I’m excited that we get to…move forward,” TJ said with a small smile. “I didn’t think I could do this when you both first brought this up. But…”

Steve stepped forward, brushing his nose against TJ’s, kissing his cheek bones, the corners of his mouth, the tip of his nose and then finally his lips. Their hands folded into each other’s at their sides. TJ loved when Steve kissed him like this. “You really like Bucky, huh?”

TJ felt his cheeks heat up. “Wasn’t I supposed to?”

“I’m really happy you do,” Steve said, placing a few kisses against TJ’s jaw line. “I didn’t think it’d be like this.”

“What’d you expect?” TJ asked.

Steve’s face strained as pain filtered into those ocean blues. “I expected…what you were doing at first. I expected you to get so upset you’d leave me forever. I didn’t want that. But…I didn’t know…”

“How strong I’d be?”

Steve nodded.

TJ lifted up onto his tip toes to kiss Steve’s forehead now. Steve laughed softly. “I guess I’m a lot stronger than most people give me credit for.”

“I’ve always known you were strong,” Steve defended. “You’d just lost your way.”

Bucky came into the room, a fox’s grin on his lush lips. “Hey pretty boys,” he said in a sultry tone. He came up behind TJ, pressing himself flesh against TJ’s back. TJ leaned into the warmth his body presented, feeling the muscles outline against his back. He felt so out of shape between these two. Bucky leaned over TJ’s shoulder, placing a few soft kisses against Steve’s lips. TJ leaned in, kissing Steve’s cheek a few times before deciding to brush his lips against the man’s throat. Steve’s breath hitched as he moaned softly into Bucky’s mouth. TJ had been around the block a few times. He knew how threesomes worked. He’d just never done them…with people he cared for. Not that that he could be sure if they were going to do this or not. He’d always assumed Bucky would just sort of dictate when that happened.

Bucky pulled away from Steve, pulling TJ into him and clashing their lips, hard, against each other’s. TJ yelped in surprise but returned the kiss, giggling into it as he felt Bucky’s flirty tongue swirl around his own. Bucky pulled back, smiling. “I’m glad you didn’t leave us.”

Steve wrapped his arms round TJ’s torso, kissing TJ’s neck with flicks of the tongue and little slurps. TJ’s eyes fluttered. Despite being here for a month, none of them were having sex, at least, TJ wasn’t having sex. Maybe they were...since that whole kitchen thing, TJ couldn't shake the idea that they've been having sex without telling him. “Mm− I’m glad I didn’t leave either,” TJ whispered out, ignoring his thoughts.

“Do you wanna do this, TJ?” Steve asked against his neck. “With both of us?”

TJ looked to Bucky, who simply shrugged. TJ felt suddenly very, very small. He was always aware of how large the other two men were, with their super soldier strength and muscles, but TJ was in Steve’s arms and being stared down with Bucky’s cold, cautious eyes. “I…” he gasped as Steve nipped at his neck, lapping at the skin as the nerves protested from the bite.

“We don’t have to. I can slip out and let you two be together,” Bucky said simply. “It’s all up to you.”

“Why me?” TJ asked, laying his head back against Steve as he kissed at the other side of TJ's neck.

Bucky cocked a side grin. “Cause you’re the one we dragged into this.”

“What if I had said no?” TJ asked, jerking his head away from Steve so he could think straight. Steve let go of him, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up to Bucky as if he had all the answers. TJ knew how much Steve loved Bucky. He knew probably better than he knew how much he loved Steve. He'd accepted this. He'd said yes, but seeing Steve so dependent on Bucky sometimes...made him remember just how far behind he was with Steve. Bucky and Steve have had a life together, growing up and a war to bond them. TJ had only been seeing Steve for four months now and their only bonding was when they had sex.

Bucky shrugged. “We didn’t get that far.”

“So you assumed I’d be good with this?” TJ asked. “I mean, obviously that all worked out, but…Steve’s always seemed like a one-man kind of guy.”

Bucky laughed. “One man and one girl kind of guy.” Bucky moved to sit behind Steve, giving him a shoulder rub. Steve hummed his approval. “Steve had me and Peggy Carter during the war. Apparently super serum makes your heart grow _too_ big.”

“I’d told you I’d stop if you wanted me to,” Steve protested, dropping his head down as Bucky massaged his neck.

“Oh please, and make you miss out on a life with kids? Don’t be a wack.”

TJ laughed. It always amused him when Bucky would use slang from his era. Steve did it too, but he’d been around the 21st century long enough to know which words had phased out and which ones hadn’t.

“Do you see any kids?” Steve teased.

“Yeah well…I fell off a bridge and you took a nap in the Arctic.” Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve’s ear before moving to the other side of the bed. “Want one too, TJ?”

“Want what?” Truth be told, his mind was still on having sex with both of them…

“A massage,” Bucky said, his eyes detailing he knew exactly what TJ had been thinking about. “If you want a happy ending, I’m sure we can work that one out.”

“So, let’s actually talk about this,” TJ said, going to sit in the reading chair in the corner of the room. He heard Steve’s sigh. While he’d have loved to just give in, this was a situation he wasn’t sure how it’d work. He just wanted to be prepared. “So…how would this even work?”

Bucky cocked a brow. “Uh…you’ve had sex before right?”

“He means the three of us, not how you have sex with a guy,” Steve said, flopping on his back to stare up at the sky window.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Bucky said, offering his charming crooked smile. “How do you want it to work?”

“I dunno. Don’t you two have a plan? You finish each other’s sentences. Thought you’d already have some kind of plan.”

Steve laughed. “We don’t sit there and scheme to Eiffel Tower you, TJ.”

“What are you doing to the Eiffel Tower?” Bucky asked.

TJ laughed. He was honestly surprised Steve even knew what that was. “It’s a sex position, Bucky,” TJ answered. “It’s…you know what…never mind. I’m not into that shit anyway.”

“What kinda shit you into?” Bucky asked, licking his lips. Did TJ look that good when he did that?

“I could answer that,” Steve laughed out. “He likes love-making, not mindless screwing.”

“No wonder he fell in love with you,” Bucky teased, ruffling Steve’s hair.

“You fell in love with me too,” Steve casually said, sitting up and nudging his shoulder into Bucky.

“What…kinda shit you into, Bucky?” TJ asked, suddenly very afraid he’d list off a bunch of really outlandish stuff. TJ had done some light bondage play before, but he’d never really trusted his partners. Probably why it was always so shitty and painful. They were always more concerned with getting their release and then deciding they didn’t have enough energy to let TJ get a release.

“The majority of my life has been me dedicated to having sex with Steve. What do you think I’m into?”

TJ laughed, shrugging. “I don’t know. You two could completely be into some weird, kinky shit and I wouldn’t be remotely surprised.”

“Do I seem kinky to you?” Steve asked though a crooked smile.

TJ shrugged again. “We had sex in a limo within the first hour of meeting. I’m not putting anything past you.”

“He knows you so well,” Bucky said, bumping his shoulder into Steve’s this time. “I don’t know. I’m up for whatever.”

“This conversation is going around in circles,” Steve said. “What are we not comfortable with doing? Let’s talk about that?”

TJ smiled. Steve was ever the problem solver. “I’m not into nipple clamps, butt plugs, nipple pasties, any of that very specific stuff. I’d be down for bondage if Steve’s doing it to me,” TJ listed off. “No mouth gags. Nothing that’s really painful and I’m absolutely super uncomfortable with blood play.”

Bucky nodded. “That works for me.”

“Anything you wouldn’t do?” TJ asked. Bucky was being too compliant, TJ wanted to make sure all this was out in the open. Why he cared so much though was honestly behind him. He used to never give a damn, even about his own desires.

Bucky scrunched up his face, bobbing his head from side to side as he thought. His hair bobbed with him lightly; his bangs getting caught in his eyelashes. “I’ll pretty much do anything. Butt plugs and blood play included.” He winked at Steve who merely rolled his eyes.

TJ wasn’t surprised. Of course Bucky was down for…anything. “What about you, Steve?” TJ asked.

“I’ll only do what you want, baby,” Steve responded.

“So…you both are freakier than me,” TJ blurted. “How the hell did this happen? How did I become the vanilla one?”

Bucky laughed. “I wouldn’t call you vanilla. Maybe mint chocolate chip.”

“Funny,” TJ responded. He’d made a name for himself being a rather scandalous character. The fact that both his partners were much more sexually comfortable with the darker sides of sex was honestly surprising. He’d expected men from the 30’s and 40’s to be much more reserved and more gentlemen-like. TJ clearly had romanticized World War II era men.

“Come over here with us,” Bucky said, outstretching his arms toward TJ.

TJ eyed them both, knowing full well the looks they were exchanging. TJ couldn’t deny his jealousy. They could look at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking. He respected Bucky for trying his best to keep TJ included, but TJ couldn’t help but feel he was still the outsider. The third wheel. No matter how many conversations he could have with Bucky, no matter how many times he got to sleep in the middle of the bed, he knew it was because of Bucky’s conscious decisions to keep TJ complacent. He was sure Bucky wouldn’t be doing it this way if TJ felt secure in his relationship. They gave him no reason to feel he wasn’t part of their relationship…but it was hard to compete with childhood lovers.

Steve stood up, pulling TJ over to the bed where he brought TJ down atop him, holding his ass as he locked his lips with TJ’s. Hungrily, Steve pushed his tongue into TJ’s mouth, caressing his tongue against TJ’s. Steve’s fingers crept up TJ’s shirt, pulling at TJ’s waist as he tried to pull TJ’s body closer than it already was.

“Wait!” TJ said, licking at the saliva on his lips. “We’re really doing this?” When did he become so timid? _‘Right, when two fucking super soldiers decided to play house with me…’_ He felt like a deer caught between two hunters.

“I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Steve said, kissing down TJ’s throat.

“We can stop?” Bucky offered. “But then you’re definitely going to have to get out, cause I’m about ready to tear Steve’s clothes off and fuck him into next Tuesday.”

“I’ve got the strangest feeling you could probably, actually do that,” TJ breathed out, feeling Steve’s tongue against the soft tissue where his neck met his shoulders. “Have you two been waiting for me?”

Steve nodded, brushing his nose against TJ’s. “We didn’t want you to feel left out.”

TJ was honestly touched and overly relieved. Feeling like the outsider, it was nice to know the people on the “inside” cared enough to try to let him in as well. Then again, this was Steve. Of course Steve would wait for him. Steve was doing this entirely for him. If Steve hadn’t cared, TJ would be in some club with a line of coke and a fuck lined up for the night. TJ gently pressed his lips against Steve’s; timidly. “I wanna do this,” he whispered.

TJ was pretty sure he heard Bucky growl in approval, but Steve was the one who flung TJ onto the bed and climbed atop him, tearing off his shirt and casting the debris to the floor. Steve kissed TJ’s face, leaving a trail of wet kisses from cheek bone down to throat, over the jugular and down his chest. TJ felt his pants being removed by Bucky. He felt utterly exposed and rather like a lamb for slaughter. “Wait.”

Steve instantly pulled back, sending a look that TJ didn’t understand in Bucky’s direction. Bucky just sat on the bed, crossing his legs so that one of his feet was resting on his knee. He was limber…

“I’m sorry, I’m just…this is really overwhelming. Do you have any idea how intimidating you are, Steve? Pair you up with Bucky and I feel like I’m about to be eaten by wolves.”

Bucky laughed. “You think we’re only as strong as wolves?”

TJ whimpered. “I’m just…it takes a lot of out of me when Steve makes love to me.” He felt ashamed. Steve had an advanced metabolism, an advanced body and an advanced endurance system. He could go far longer and harder than TJ had ever been used to. The sex was always amazing, but TJ would be passed out within minutes. “With two of you…”

“I don’t have to have sex with you TJ,” Bucky said. “I just want you to know I like you. You can just keep that between you n’ Steve.”

“But then I look like a douchbag.”

Steve laughed. “I’ve never seen you so hesitant about sex before, Teej.” He caressed TJ’s face with his fingers. “I’ll take care of you, just like I’ve always done.”

TJ looked at the clock across the room. The jet still had a couple more hours before it landed. Not like them being late would make a difference. It was the Hammond jet after all. It wouldn’t leave without a Hammond aboard. “Okay…” TJ whispered, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck, pulling his love down so that their lips met.

Steve finished yanking TJ’s pants off, caressing his inner thigh as he traced TJ’s lips with his tongue. TJ’s lips tingled, yearning for more as Steve placed wet, loud kisses down TJ’s neck, nibbling gently at the skin as he went.

Bucky scooted closer, running his fingers though TJ’s hair before asking, “You okay if I kiss you?”

“Y-yeah,” TJ whispered, closing one eye as Steve swirled his tongue around a nipple, pulling it lightly with his front teeth. TJ lifted his head up to meet Bucky’s lips, wrapping his hand into Bucky’s brown hair, locking him in place. Bucky’s sweet tongue lapped playfully at TJ’s, almost like it was trying to play a game of tag. TJ loved how flirty Bucky’s kisses were. He gasped as Steve’s tongue swirled his belly button, before nibbling at the skin along the way to his hip bones. TJ bucked his hips. He loved his hip bones getting kissed and sucked. Steve’s warm hands held him down as he did exactly what TJ loved. His tongue danced across the bone protruding from the skin, nipping at its top before placing feather kisses to wash away any pain.

Bucky kept TJ’s mouth busy as he ran his rough fingers up and down TJ’s chest, fingering his nipples and twisting them lightly enough to pull small gasps and yelps from TJ’s throat. This wasn’t so bad. They were being as gentle as possible to TJ. TJ knew Steve would always be gentle and that he’d always be patient, but TJ had never done this with Bucky and he certainly had never done this with two super soldiers at the same time. TJ had no idea how Bucky and Steve made love, and if they got carried away, TJ was pretty sure they could accidently hurt him. But this, this wasn’t so bad, actually it was amazing. He loved the way Bucky’s mouth fit with his and the sounds that Steve’s lips made against his skin. He loved the soothing sensation of his thigh being caressed as his cock grew with arousal. Maybe that gentlemen etiquette that TJ thought boys from World War II was actually a thing, because Steve and Bucky were being nothing but gentle.

Bucky’s lips slipped down TJ’s jaw line toward his ear. Gently, Bucky nibbled at TJ’s earlobe, licking the rim of the ear before biting the tip and tugging gently. TJ moaned, leaning into the sensation. His breath hitched as Steve’s kisses were at his thigh. He sucked his lips in, stifling a moan as Steve’s tongue lapped up the sensitive skin, his fingers stroking at TJ’s balls, just enough to tickle but not substantive enough to do anything else, earning a giggle from TJ’s lips.

“This okay?” Bucky asked, kissing TJ’s cheek.

“Mhm,” TJ responded lazily, his mind fogging as Steve started to lap at the tip of his cock. TJ arched his back. “Oh fuck, Steve.” Steve’s tongue expertly knew each and every technique that TJ enjoyed. He paid special care to the ridge of TJ’s cock, licking around its girth before sucking it into his mouth and humming, letting the vibrations send chills down TJ’s spine. “Mmm, Steve, that…fuck.”

Bucky moved, kissing down TJ’s chest, licking at TJ’s nipples and sucking them into his mouth before twirling his tongue around them. TJ moaned louder as Steve lapped the underside of his cock, coming to swirl his tongue around TJ’s tip, tenderly licking the slit before kissing it softly. “Fuck! Steve…more, Steve please, more.”

Bucky laughed. “I love that you’re actually vocal.”

“Now you can stop bitching about me,” Steve said before taking TJ’s cock into his mouth, hollowing out his cheek and sucking TJ’s length, bobbing his head up and down at a calm pace.

Bucky responded by standing up and going behind Steve. TJ watched through half-lidded eyes as Bucky curled his hands around Steve’s waist, undoing his pants and slipping his hand in. “I can get you pretty vocal…even for you,” Bucky said, kissing the back of Steve’s neck. “Bucky!” Steve yelped as Bucky forced Steve on his hands and knees on the bed, hovering over TJ’s cock.

“Don’t you dare stop sucking him off,” Bucky said. “Or I’ll make this worse for you.”

TJ laughed. Bucky was clearly into kinkier stuff. Maybe one day when he wasn’t so intimidated by both of his super soldiers’ sizes. He felt like an ultimate twink near these two. TJ bucked his hips, trying to hold the pose so it was easier for Steve to get at his cock from his position on the bed. TJ assumed it was harder for Steve to keep at a slower pace when Bucky’s hand was working over his cock. Steve would gurgle a moan or whine against TJ’s cock when Bucky did something that he liked. Watching Steve’s expression as he continued to bob up and down, slurping and lapping at TJ’s cock, knowing he was getting pleasured at the same time only heightened TJ’s experience. He rolled his head back, moaning loudly as Steve’s tongue paid special attention to his slit, swirling around the cockhead graciously.

“Fuck, yes Steve, please more, _please_ ,” TJ moaned softly. His body tensed as Steve hummed against his cock again, sending those tiny pleasure waves through his body and directly into his core. TJ bucked his hips, hitting the back of Steve’s throat. He felt Steve’s throat muscles clench as the gag reflexes kicked in, closing around TJ’s cock. “Steve, Steve, yeah baby, Jesus Christ, I love your fucking mouth.”

Bucky laughed. Somewhere amidst this, Bucky had managed to remove Steve’s shirt. TJ watched as he fingered one of Steve’s nipples with his metal fingers, his other hand still stroking at Steve’s cock rhythmically. “You are gonna let me fuck you one day. I swear I’ll make you say all sorts of things.”

In the moment, TJ wasn’t so nervous anymore, besides, he’d have Steve with him the entire time Bucky made love to him too, so he knew he’d be safe. Steve wouldn’t let anything happen to TJ. “Next time,” TJ said, quickly gasping as Steve nibbled lightly at the tip of his cock. “Fuck, Steve, fuck, fuck please, _fuck_.”

Steve’s mouth moved against TJ’s cock quicker, taking more of him in as Steve cupped TJ’s balls, lightly squeezing them, forcing TJ to arch his back as he focused on the way Steve’s tongue knew the pathways of his veins in his cock, or how Steve would hum over the cockhead before taking TJ deep inside his mouth, swirling his tongue around the length. TJ whined, feeling his orgasm build in his stomach. “Steve…Steve, please, yes baby, yes, please faster, please, please,” TJ cried out, rolling his hips with Steve’s rhythm as he responded to TJ’s whining requests. “I’m gonna…Steve, fuck, I love your mouth, fuck, Steve, mother fucking Christ.” His toes curled as his orgasm washed over his body, like hot wax pouring out of freshly blown out candles. He moaned loudly, whispering over and over, _fuck me, fuck me, fuck me_.

Bucky pulled away from Steve, earning a whimper as he went back to TJ’s mouth, licking at his mouth and brushing his nose against TJ’s cheeks playfully. “You turn me on, really, really badly,” Bucky growled. TJ leaned up, grabbing Bucky’s face to pull him into a lust-filled kiss, forcing his tongue past Bucky’s teeth, finding that sweet, sweet tongue of his. He felt his hips being raised as Steve put one leg above his shoulder.

“You okay with this, Teej?” Steve asked.

TJ responded with a nod, but his focus was on Bucky’s swollen lips and that agonizingly flirtatious tongue. He gasped as he felt a finger press into his hole, feeling it slide in and out softly, gently.

“What about you?” TJ said, breaking his kiss abruptly.

Bucky smiled, brushing his lips over TJ’s. “I’m fine, TJ.”

TJ pouted, looking at Bucky’s hard-on that struggled against his black jeans. “Take your pants off,” TJ ordered. “I wanna touch you.” He gasped as Steve inserted another finger, moving them in an agonizingly slow circular motion, pumping in and out. “Mmm, fuck Steve, please more, _please_.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised, clearly unprepared for that. “You sure?”

TJ dropped his head back, moaning. “Jesus Christ, you men from the glory days!” he growled. “Give me your fucking cock, Bucky Barnes.”

Steve laughed. “He gets kind of like you. I think you just made him nervous,” Steve said, curling his fingers inside TJ, brushing ever so gently over his prostate.

“Fuck! Steve!” TJ gasped. “Yes, baby, please, yes, yes.”

Bucky kissed TJ’s cheek, undoing his pants and pulling them off. His cock was large, slightly red from being turned on but never the less beautiful to TJ. He was surprised to see most of the pubs shaved away.

“You shave?” TJ asked, hissing as Steve inserted a third finger. “Fuck, Steve…”

“HYDRA kept me pretty hairless, except my head. Kind of just stuck with it,” Bucky answered, his eyes darkening.

“N-no, I like it.” TJ reached out, stroking Bucky’s erection. He started at the base, swirling his wrist and thumbing over the slit, pushing down lightly to feel the precum just below the surface. He felt kind of like a porn star, being finger fucked by Steve and then jerking Bucky off, but it wasn’t the same guilty feeling that he got after watching a shit ton of porn. He felt warm and loved. Steve did love him. Bucky trusted him. TJ didn’t know how or why, but these two people, these two, capable of crushing armies and bringing down helicarriers; they chose him. Out of everyone, they chose him to remain in their lives.

Bucky moaned lightly, rolling his hips in the rhythm TJ was pumping at. Lazily, TJ used the tips of his fingers, trying to tease a reaction out of Bucky. Bucky jerked his hips more. “You’re a tease, you little son of a bitch,” he groaned.  

“Careful,” TJ chided. “That bitch is the Secretary of State. Oh _fuck_ , Steve, fuck! Oh God, yes, _yes_ please baby.” He had been so preoccupied with Bucky’s cock that he hadn’t realized Steve had pulled his fingers out and replaced them with the tip of his cock. He tried to push back against Steve to pull more into him but Steve pulled back, his eyes challenging TJ. “You’re a tease too, you fuckhead!”

Both Bucky and Steve laughed. Bucky placed a soft kiss against TJ’s lips. “Keep stroking you tease.”

TJ gripped Bucky’s cock tighter as he rolled his hips into Steve’s cock, enveloping him into his hole, moaning and whining as Steve slipped into him like a glove over elegant fingers. “Steve, mm, God, you’re so perfect,” he moaned. “So, so, so fucking perfect.”

Bucky kissed TJ’s face again, licking at his ear and tugging on the lobe once more with his teeth. His breath was shallow and it tickled against TJ’s face. “TJ, more, more,” Bucky whispered, bucking his hips again. “Don’t get distracted, baby.”

TJ hadn’t realized he’d started to slow down till Bucky’s sweet, whispering voice echoed through his senses. Steve’s cock was inside him, slowly thrusting in and out so TJ could feel every vein and every dip that shaped Steve’s cock. He let out a long whine, stroking Bucky faster as he wished Steve would move faster. “Steve,” he breathed out. “Please I need you. I need you faster.”

“Mmm, work on Bucky and maybe I’ll get faster,” Steve teased, shoving inside further, earning a yelp from TJ’s throat as he bent down to kiss TJ’s lips. “I love you, Teej.”

TJ circled his thumb over Bucky’s cockhead, feeling the precum that had developed, using his fingers to spread it around the tip as much as he could. He curled his fingers around Bucky’s cock, stroking faster and continued to flick and swirl his wrist.

“TJ!” Bucky moaned out. “Oh God, TJ, you’re amazing at this.”

TJ laughed, nipping at Steve’s nose as he thrust deep inside him once more. “Fuck, Steve. Steve I love you. I love you.”

Steve hummed in content, pressing light, chaste kisses over and over against TJ’s lips.

TJ pumped his fist up and down, up and down, swirling and fingering the tip of Bucky’s cock, pulling delicious moans and gasps from Bucky’s lips.

“TJ, so good…” Bucky panted. “Don’t stop, baby, please don’t stop.”

TJ arched his back, feeling Steve brush over his prostate as he thrust deep inside again, nipping at TJ’s lips. “Oh fuck!” he cried out.

Bucky’s panting became more desperate as he whined, tossing back his head, panting and saying over and over, _Don’t stop, TJ, don’t stop, yes, yes, yes, baby yes._ TJ continued to stroke him, paying careful attention to the slight dip of the ridge and swirling his thumb atop the slit. From the noises he was making, TJ was pretty sure he was going to come pretty soon.

“Hold on, baby,” Steve said, pulling out of TJ’s ass to cover Bucky’s cock with his mouth. TJ would have been upset, but watching Steve give Bucky a blow job was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, and he’d seen some pretty hot bits of porn.

Bucky gasped, twirling his fingers into Steve’s hair and rocking his hips to the rhythm that Steve’s head bobbed.

TJ listened to the delightful slurps from Steve’s tongue and the whining that ripped from Bucky’s mouth as he bucked violently down into Steve’s throat, crying out, “Fuck, Steve! Fuck, I love you, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, Steve, yes. I love you. I fucking love you.”

Steve looked to have swallowed Bucky’s seed, licking at his lips to make sure none of it escaped. He straddled Bucky, pressing long, passionate kisses against Bucky’s mouth. TJ’s brow shot up as he realized Steve was actually pressing Bucky’s seed into Bucky’s mouth, and Bucky was seriously enjoying it as he rolled his hips into Steve’s still-erect cock, moaning loudly into Steve’s mouth.

Steve placed one last kiss against Bucky’s mouth before crawling back over to TJ and pulling his ass toward him again. “Still good, baby?”

“You guys are really hot,” TJ stated, smiling as he opened his legs for Steve. “And kinda dirty. In a really hot way.”

Bucky laughed, wiping some of the cum that had dribbled down his chin. “I just have a massive cum fetish,” he admitted.

TJ gasped as Steve plunged back into him, rolling his hips so that he brushed against TJ’s prostate. “Oh, _God,_ Steve, yes baby, yes, yes, yes.” TJ’s body reverberated with pleasure as he curled his toes, relishing in the way Steve pressed up against his prostate with each thrust. “Fuck, Steve, fuck, fuck!”

Bucky moved behind TJ, sitting atop his legs and leaning over to place upside-down kisses against TJ’s lips. His chin clashed against TJ’s face but that didn’t stop them from making out. TJ could taste Bucky’s cum against his tongue. He gasped as Steve drove back inside him before pulling back, out just barely, and then rolling back in. It wasn’t fast enough but it felt _so_ _good_. TJ was going to start begging though if this kept up.

Bucky’s fingers roamed TJ’s body, stroking at his chest, up his sides, pulling soft giggles from TJ’s throat, as he continued to onslaught TJ’s lips, slipping his tongue into TJ’s mouth and nipping at his lips, pulling lightly.

“St- ve…” TJ gasped as his prostate was bumped again; his voice stifled by Bucky’s mouth. “Mmm, mmm, mmm,” he whimpered as Steve’s pace quickened. TJ grabbed at Bucky’s hair, pulling at it roughly, earning a hiss from Bucky, but then a peck to the lips as Bucky growled in content.

“Do you wanna come, baby?” Bucky asked, pulling back and fingering TJ’s slit.

“Oh, Bucky! Fuck! Yes, yes I wanna come,” TJ cried out, rolling his hips into Steve, shivering as pleasure radiated from his center all the way to his toes and fingertips. He grabbed desperately at the bed, pulling at the covers, as he balled up his fists. “Please let me come, Bucky.”

Bucky looked to Steve, a devilish smirk on that face.

“Don’t you dare be a shithead,” TJ whined, his voice jumping an octave as Steve thrust into him again. “Please let me come, please, please, please.”

“Don’t know,” Bucky teased, clicking his tongue. “Do you think he deserves another one? I mean, I’ve only got one, and you’ve not had any.”  

Steve laughed. “He’ll kill you, Bucky.” Bucky moved; pressing his body against Steve’s as he licked at Steve’s lips, pulling all kinds of glorious, honey-sweet moans from Steve’s throat.

TJ rolled his hips, desperately trying to make Steve keep moving as Bucky distracted him. “I will plant a bomb on the fucking jet and kill us all if you don’t let me come,” TJ threatened.

Bucky laughed into his kiss with Steve. “I really like him,” he said, placing a few, tiny kisses atop Steve’s lips. “I love you, Steve.”

TJ’s breath caught as he saw Bucky’s face overflow with emotion. It was rare to see him open up. No matter who was in the room, or even if he was alone, Bucky was always guarded. To see his eyes overflow with love and adoration for Steve… He was flawless and practically glowing.

“I love you too, Bucky,” Steve said, pressing a gentle kiss atop Bucky’s lips.

“I guess we’ll let you come,” Bucky said, turning back to TJ, his eyes draining of that glow. TJ knew Bucky didn’t love him. It was okay. He didn’t _need_ to be loved by Bucky. Adored, liked, whatever… He had Steve’s love. But still…seeing that face light up like that, even for that small moment… It was nice.

He was rocked from his thoughts when Steve’s pace quickened inside him, plowing deeper, angling his hips so he hit TJ’s prostate roughly with each thrust. TJ cried out, grabbing the headboard and pulling desperately as he moaned. “Steve, Steve, yes baby, yes baby please, please, please.”

Bucky took hold of TJ’s cock, swirling his hand over it, up and down, fingering the cockhead gently, agonizingly. He was moving slower than Steve, but the pleasure that it created was almost overwhelming. TJ’s body was shaking and he thought after this he could sleep for years. He curled his toes so tightly, squeezing his eyes shut as he fought to keep from going insane as his nerves felt they were on the brink of short circuiting.

“Steve, Steve,” TJ panted. “Holy shit, fuck, Bucky, fuck. M’gonna… I…” He arched his back, crying out loudly as his muscles clenched around Steve’s cock, pulling him in deeper. Bucky had angled his cum steam up so it sprayed against TJ, hitting his stomach and chest.

TJ shook as he felt Steve’s body move faster. He heard Steve’s familiar groan as Steve’s cum shot into his ass, warming his insides to an almost painful burn. “Steve, Steve, it feels so good, I love you. I love you, I love you,” he cried.

“I love you, Teej, I love you too,” Steve moaned as his orgasm began to subside. He slowly thrust a few more times, rolling his hips lazily, grazing against TJ’s prostate a few more times; enough to make TJ start feeling like he was going to burst out crying, before pulling out and leaning back.

Bucky was lapping at TJ’s chest, careful to collect each droplet of semen that had escaped. He slurped it up hungrily, nibbling at TJ’s nipples as he went.

“Cum fetish, huh?” TJ asked, watching as Bucky finished cleaning off his torso.

Bucky shrugged, like it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He turned to Steve, using his metal hand to pull the man into him. Their bodies collided like two planets on a crash course for destruction. Bucky rolled atop Steve, straddling him down and swapping the cum back and forth till they both shared it and swallowed it down. He ran his fingers into Steve’s hair, pressing kisses against Steve’s cheeks and forehead before placing countless, tiny kisses against Steve’s mouth. “I love you, Steve,” he mumbled quietly.

TJ felt like he shouldn’t be watching this. Like this was part of their little inner circle and TJ was just invading. Coming down from the euphoric feeling of sex, TJ was utterly exhausted and a bit nervous. He looked away, opting to roll off the bed and slip into the bathroom, leaving Steve and Bucky to grind against each other.

“Where’re you going?” Steve asked as he’d managed to roll atop Bucky.

“The bathroom?” TJ offered. “I thought you two…”

“Didn’t want you around?” Bucky finished the sentence for him. He propped himself up on his elbows.

TJ shrugged, unsure if answering was a good idea or not.

“Teej,” Steve said, getting off Bucky and pulling TJ into an embrace. They were both still naked. TJ closed his eyes as Steve’s warmth radiated off him, like a gentle sunbeam through a cloud. “I always want you around.”

“I just thought…you’d wanna be alone with each other.”

“You’re not invading our lives, TJ,” Bucky said, rolling over onto his stomach. He hooked his legs, swinging them lazily in the air. “I’m a big enough dick that if I didn’t want you around, I’d have done something about it by now.”

“Just lie with us,” Steve said, pulling TJ back toward the bed. “You love cuddling after sex.” Steve placed a soft kiss to TJ’s forehead. TJ closed his eyes as the sensation lingered on his forehead for a few moments. TJ had thought that Bucky and Steve had been secretly sleeping with each other for awhile now, or at least he assumed it, he didn’t really care one way or another…till just now. Despite the month he’d gotten to spend here, he still wasn’t entirely adjusted to living this life. Steve was the glue here, and TJ was painfully aware of that. Bucky was nice. TJ could honestly not find a single bad thing to say about Bucky, but…he saw the way Bucky had looked at Steve. Bucky had done this for Steve, not for TJ. The only reason TJ was in this room, naked, with these two men was because of Bucky’s love for Steve.

How long would it take till Bucky grew tired of sharing? Would he push TJ out, or would he manipulate Steve into doing it? Bucky had that commanding presence. He could bend Steve’s will any way he wanted and Steve just…obeyed.

TJ allowed himself to be pulled into Steve’s arms. He clutched to his lover’s torso, listening to Steve’s heartbeat. Bucky scooted back, wrapping an arm around Steve and Steve rested his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“I love you, TJ,” Steve said, kissing TJ’s temple. TJ closed his eyes, feeling his exhaustion seep into him like a drug. “You’re not a third wheel.” Of course Steve knew exactly what to say. Steve always knew what to say. He was the rock that centered TJ, the sun that TJ orbited, and he was well aware of it. He’d never taken advantage of that situation though. He always opted to be TJ’s shield, just like Captain America’s weapon of choice. He shielded TJ from drugs, self-harm, his own fears and doubts. He was shielding him from his worries even right now.

“Technically we’re all third wheels…” Bucky offered, running his metal fingers through TJ’s hair as TJ’s eyes fought eyelids that sought to claim sleep.

Steve placed a few more kisses against TJ’s temple, before resting his head back against Bucky. TJ couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He was being irrational. Bucky was fine. He wasn’t kicking TJ out. He wasn’t mean. TJ was just being insecure. Bucky was half of Steve’s soul. Yet for some strange damn reason… these super soldiers decided TJ was okay enough to keep around.

TJ guessed it was his face…but before he could dig up any more self doubt, his eyes closed to the lull of Steve’s hands running though his hair, his head atop Steve’s chest, and the security of knowing he’d be going back to D.C in an hour or two…with Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so going to run out of lil gifs of TJ..... BUT WE'RE GOING TO SEE HOW MANY I CAN SQUEEZE INTO THIS STORY!  
>   
>   
>   
> ^ So...I'm going to call that eye-fucking. I don't even care that I'm pretty sure that's his twin, Doug.
> 
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> Let's be friends!


	4. Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio arrive in D.C. Bucky clearly hasn't moved past his HYDRA programming. TJ is turning to old habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Sorry for the hard minute! I'm a law student and exams are coming up! Ahhh! I also need to pay attention to my other Stucky fics, especially Keep Your Enemies Close (If you like Stucky and angst and some Asset!Bucky, you should check that out- lol, shameless self plug-in). Leave me comments and kudos! I love talking to youuuuuuu<3
> 
>  **Warning:** This chapter displays drug use and general not-so-good behavior from both Bucky and TJ.

Bucky hadn’t expected the paparazzi. On the plane, TJ had gotten a call from his brother saying someone tipped the media off about Captain America flying in with TJ. As far as Bucky knew, that’s all the media knew…but the swarm that was there. TJ had to call his mom to bring in some secret service men and women to find some form of order to this chaos. Unfortunately, they weren’t here yet, so Bucky was sitting there with all the windows pulled shut and clinging to a corner of the cabin, Steve right by his side and TJ frantically on the phone about what to do about the media.

“You okay?” Steve asked, pressing a kiss into Bucky’s cheek. Bucky scratched at his stubble from the sensation, he needed to shave.

“I’m just dandy,” he responded sarcastically. “I’ll be fine- he said. No one would find out…he _said_ …”

Steve nodded, looking over at TJ, furrowing his brow. “He’s really upset about this, you know.”

“Why is he so famous?”

“I think…it’s me _and_ him.” Steve shrugged. “You know; national hero and all. He’s just a politician’s son and he’s had a bit of a rough life with the media and drugs so… They like to follow him around to feed into their drama.”

Bucky slammed his head back against the wall. “Jesus Christ. No thank you.”

Steve laughed, nestling his head into Bucky’s shoulder, grabbing his metal hand and lacing their fingers. “It’ll be okay.”

“If they see my arm,” Bucky breathed out tensely. “If they catch me now…”

“No one is catching you,” TJ said, coming to plop heavily into the chair across from Bucky. “God, Buck, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think anyone would find out.”

“Do you know who told them?” Steve asked.

TJ pursed his lips. “I don’t know, but when I find out, they’re fired.”

“Can I fire them?” Bucky asked. “I’d like to do some firing.” His eyes hardened as he thought about the media circus outside…and it was all because someone wanted a few dollars in exchange to mob TJ and Steve. Jesus, if they had known the Winter Soldier was hiding out on this jet too…

“I feel like you firing someone is code for you killing someone,” TJ stated, a playful smirk on his lips. Bucky knew that smirk…sporting it rather frequently himself.

“Oh…they’d be happy about the dying part after I got done,” Bucky responded, his voice dark, but there was enough sarcasm there to not stir TJ or Steve.

“Well,” Steve drawled. “Since killing people is _illegal_ , why don’t we just let the professionals do their jobs?”

Bucky laughed, kissing Steve’s temple. “You never change.”

TJ clicked his tongue, checking his phone. “I’m really sorry, Bucky.”

Bucky reached his hand out, watching as TJ seemed to have some form of internal battle before deciding to finally take hold. Bucky squeezed TJ’s hand lightly. He knew this wasn’t TJ’s fault. It was just the price of being a high profile person. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t do this.”

Bucky had enjoyed getting to know TJ. Over the past month they’d been rather upfront and honest with each other. Bucky was surprised at how easy it was to talk to TJ about HYDRA and his past relationship with Steve. TJ was likable but Bucky knew how scared he still was about this. Bucky could see right through that cocky, calm exterior. TJ was a mess inside. A mess of insecurity and fear, crippled with the battle with drugs all these years. Bucky wanted to help him but every time he’d bring it up, TJ would deflect the conversation back to HYDRA or something else about Bucky’s past. In due time… Bucky first needed to prove to TJ that he wasn’t going to take Steve away from him. Bucky would be the first person to admit how necessary Steve Rogers was in his life after he’d developed such a bond with him. He was like a drug…a healthy, good-choice, safe, drug.

TJ’s phone beeped. The trio looked down to the phone, waiting for TJ to indicate what was going on. “They’re here. Keep your hood up, Bucky and stay close to me. Actually…hold my hand when we’re walking.”

“Seriously?” Bucky asked. How was that going to help?

“It’ll take eyes of me and Steve and people will assume you’re not some suspicious character. Just a boyfriend of mine. They’ll want to know who you are…but…they won’t get to.”

“I don’t mind coming out though, TJ,” Steve said. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

TJ nodded, scrunching up his mouth. “You’ll mind if it’s right now. It needs to be on our terms, not the media’s. Trust me about this. I got forced out as a kid in the White House. Years of therapy and drugs were how I responded to that.”

Bucky was disgusted. Why was the media so vile? Why couldn’t they just let TJ and his family go about their lives without wrecking it? Couldn’t they see what they’ve done? Did they honestly take no responsibility for the pain and turmoil TJ had experienced?

Bucky stood up first, grabbing TJ’s hand with his flesh one with a renewed sense of vigor. “Let’s do this then.”

Steve sighed heavily, clearly not okay with this.

“Hey,” Bucky said over his shoulder. “You’re protecting me now.”

Steve’s eyes lit up, like the ocean on a clear day. Bucky had spent years looking out for Steve and watching his back. Steve always wanted to return the favor and clearly this was one of his best chances. “Till the end of the line, Buck.”

TJ shot them a questioning look, clearly not understanding what they were talking about. How could he? It was something so deeply personal to Steve and Bucky that neither of them wanted to explain it. Though, that didn’t help with TJ’s feelings of insecurity. Keeping TJ on the outside was exactly what could drive him to madness or an overdose, so, Bucky turned to TJ, kissing him on the cheek. “Till the end of the line is just another way for us to say we love each other.”

TJ nodded, his eyes glazing over with some kind of pain or fear. Bucky sent an apologetic look that went unseen as TJ’s attention diverted to the door where his pilot stood. “Thanks, Chuck,” TJ said, shaking the pilot’s hand. “Sorry about all this.”

The pilot simply waved a dismissive hand, opening the door for TJ. TJ reached his hand back, waiting for Bucky. Bucky sighed, pulling his hood further over his face. He was terrified. If someone, anyone, screamed about him being the Winter Soldier, he knew the secret service would dive on him and he’d have no choice but to comply. He wouldn’t hurt any more Americans. He’d done enough of that already.

Bucky took TJ’s hand, smiling lightly when TJ was the one who squeezed his palm, comfortingly. “You’ll be safe. Trust me,” TJ said before taking the first step down the stairway and to the onslaught of cameras, voices and…fans?

Bucky’s mouth hung open as he saw the crowd. Police, secret service, K-9 units… It was a frenzy. Photographers yelled question after question. “TJ, are the rumors true that you’ve been in rehab?” “TJ what’s your stance on your mother’s powered people policy?” “Captain! Captain America! Are you publically endorsing Elaine Barrish’s campaign? “TJ, whose the new boytoy?”

Bucky kept his head ducked, but he was in awe of the crowd as it swayed against the police and secret service, trying to get closer. He felt like a mouse in a lab experiment… the media, the fans, the roaring; it was all like a scientist being pressed up against the glass, watching if the mouse would find the cheese. Bucky wished desperately he had a gun. It would honestly be a comfort knowing he could kill every single one of these people if he wanted to… He didn’t really need a gun to be able to do that though…but still. He wanted a gun.

He saw posters as people jumped up and down. Most of them had some form of Captain America, “We love you,” kind of thing on them. Bucky looked back, watching Steve as he sported an awkward smile, but his eyes didn’t stray from Bucky’s back. Bucky felt like he was in Nazi Germany again, which should bring about bad memories, but not for him. He would walk directly into the line of fire as long as Steve Rogers was there with him.

Suddenly, Bucky was pulled violently over by TJ as a man with a camera broke from the secret service’s blockade, coming right in front of Bucky. Instinctively, Bucky’s leg came out to trip the man so he missed the photo opportunity. TJ laughed. Steve went to the man’s side, offering to help him up, but TJ and Bucky kept moving, quicker now as the crowd became much more desperate to see Bucky’s face.

Bucky was ushered into the limo urgently by a secret service member. He ducked his head inside the limo, watching as Steve shook the hands of the police officers. Bucky smiled. Of course Steve would take the time to thank them. It was one of the reasons Bucky loved him. Steve recognized you didn’t need super human strength to be a hero.

Steve tucked into the limo, instantly moving to Bucky’s side and grabbing his hand. “You okay, Buck?”

“Thanks to TJ,” Bucky said, playfully bumping into TJ’s shoulder. TJ just laughed, brushing it off like it was nothing. “No seriously. If you hadn’t seen that guy coming at me, I’d be one step closer to a maximum security prison.”

TJ’s eyes shimmered as his lips turned up in a soft, embarrassed smile. “Years of practice with this kind of thing. Was he threatening charges? They do that sometimes.”

Steve laughed. “No. I signed an autograph for him and told him he was walking just fine. If he tries, I’m pretty sure I can stop it.”

Bucky laughed, pulling Steve’s face into his. “I love you, Steve.” He pressed a few kisses against those soft, red lips before turning to TJ and doing the same to him. “Thank you.”

TJ laughed again. “Well…you shouldn’t be thanking me. This shouldn’t have happened.” TJ’s face turned somber. “I’m gonna find out who ratted.”

* * *

 

They’d arrived at TJ’s mother’s house shortly after. More media was outside here as well but there were already secret service holding them back. The trio was ushered into the house quickly. It wasn’t nearly as bad as the plane was with all the bodies swarming about, this time it was just five or six photographers and reporters. Bucky wasn’t nearly as worried about getting into the house. What made him worried was when he was inside the house, looking at the beautifully decorated home, seeing a man and an Asian woman on a couch, an elderly woman at the piano and Elaine Barrish. Bucky knew what she looked like from the TV. She was beautiful with intelligent, warm eyes.

“Tommy!” Elaine said, rushing up to her son and giving him a long hug. “I’m so sorry! We’ve been trying to figure out all day who leaked your arrival.”

“It’s cool, Mom. The rehab rumors should at least go away since I was with Steve. Which, speaking of.” TJ pulled Steve by the arm, bringing him to face Elaine Barrish. “Mom, you’ve met him, but…I’d like to re-introduce you to him− as my boyfriend.”

Elaine smiled widely, wrapping her arms around Steve. Steve, the perfect gentleman, wrapped his arms around Elaine as well. “You have a beautiful home,” Steve said.

“Thank you. And, who’s this?” Elaine asked, sporting a welcoming smile, but her eyes were a tad reserved.

Bucky watched all the eyes in the room snap to him. He sighed, taking his hood off.

“Jesus H Christ!” the elderly woman said. “TJ?”

“Not TJ,” Doug said. “I’m supposed to be your twin, TJ.”

Elaine’s face rounded in horror as Bucky was sure she was putting the dots together. Bucky pulled up his hoodie’s sleeve, revealing the metal arm.

“Before you freak out and call the secret service inside, everything you thought you knew about the Winter Soldier is wrong,” TJ said hesitantly, raising his hands as if trying to motion to calm his mother. He licked the corner of his mouth anxiously, his gaze flicking to everyone in the room as if he was evaluating what they’d do next.  

Elaine cleared her throat, swallowing hard. “Well…” Her gaze flicked to Steve. “I guess we’re safe. Captain Rogers wouldn’t let anything happen.” Bucky liked her. She was reasonable.

“No ma’am, I wouldn’t let anything happen. But I can assure you that Bucky is harmless.”

 _‘Well...not really harmless but sure, Steve,’_ Bucky thought. He stretched out his flesh hand for Elaine. “My name’s James Barnes, Madam Secretary. I fought in World War II, like Captain Rogers. I was part of the 107 th and the Howling Commandos.”

“Bucky Barnes?” Doug, TJ’s brother said, standing up. “ _The_ Sergeant James _“_ Bucky” Barnes?”

Bucky blinked. “Y-yeah?”

“You’re as big a hero as Captain Rogers is,” Doug said, awe evident in his voice. “They said you died.”

“They were wrong,” Steve interjected. “May we speak to you about that, Madam Secretary?”

Elaine didn’t take her eyes off Bucky’s face. Her brow was lightly furrowed and her mouth was open as if she was trying to figure out what to say. “Why do you look just like my son?”

Bucky pressed his lips together, shrugging. “We’re not sure.”

“Mom?” Elaine said, looking over to the woman at the piano.

The woman gulped down a martini. “Do I look like ancestory.com?” she responded. “I’m as clueless as you.”

TJ laughed.

Bucky was honestly relieved Elaine’s mother didn’t have a story right then and there. If he was related to TJ… after what they’ve already done together… Well, hopefully that was a bridge he didn’t have to cross. Not like it would change anything at this point. Bucky would probably just keep at it, as long as TJ was comfortable with it. It’s not like they could have predicted this was going to happen. Still, he liked it better not knowing why TJ was an exact replica of himself.

“Your father’s going to be here shortly,” Elaine said, still staring at Bucky. “We can all sit at the dining room table.”

They filtered into the lavish dining room. Bucky wanted to reach out and touch the wallpaper but he figured now wasn’t the time to start admiring the house. He had a purpose here. If Elaine could clear his name… His stomach flipped in joy and he swore his heart was trying to come out of his throat, but his exterior remained calm.

“Bucky was kidnapped by HYDRA during the war,” Steve began, cutting right to business. “We thought he was dead, but HYDRA had performed experiments on him when the 107th was captured to help him survive the fall. Then HYDRA…found him again.”

“They suppressed my memories and brainwashed me,” Bucky continued.

Doug and Elaine were the only ones from the Hammond residence that had come into the dining room. They both wore looks of utter disbelief. TJ just sat there, watching nervously.

“I was tortured,” Bucky continued, looking down at the table, fingering the gentle curves of it. He didn’t want to look up as he explained this. “HYDRA kept me in cryo when they didn’t need me. I was only to be out for 72 hours or I couldn’t be frozen again.”

“Bucky didn’t do anything you think he did, at least, not intentionally,” Steve said, cutting to the meat of the argument. “HYDRA had manipulated him and stole his humanity.”

Steve, ever the drama queen. Bucky smiled at him nonetheless.

“Brainwashing…” Doug breathed out. “That’s…”

“Outlandish? Impossible? If hypnosis is possible, why aren’t you convinced of organic reprogramming?” Bucky shot back flatly, using the same dead voice he'd used as the Asset.

“It’s hard to believe without proof…” Doug said. “N-not that I don’t believe you. Just...the CIA may be harder to convince.”

“You’re not telling the CIA. Not unless we can guarantee his safety. Bucky isn’t responsible for what’s happened,” Steve spoke up. There was a threat laced under those gentle words, Bucky could see it in the way Steve’s jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed.

Bucky watched TJ for a moment. He wasn’t looking up. He was on his phone. It…bothered Bucky. Bucky was literally here, pleading for his life and a second chance and TJ was…on his phone? Bucky sighed heavily, kicking TJ from under the table. TJ looked up, flashing a questioning look at Bucky. Bucky merely responded with a furrowed brow.

Elaine cleared her throat, aware of the exchange Bucky was having with TJ. “Do you have proof?”

“He’s sitting right there. Isn’t that proof enough?” Steve said with an exasperated gesture toward Bucky.

“I can get it,” Bucky said, ignoring Steve’s tone. “I’ve been tracking several HYDRA heads. I can get access to the mainframe. I’ll pull all the Red Room programming for you.”

“Red Room?” Doug asked.

“It’s the program I was in,” Bucky responded calmly, well, at least someone was listening to him. He looked over at TJ again. Still, the boy was on his phone. Bucky didn’t know why this bothered him so much. He looked to Steve, seeing the strain of worry that was carved into his face. Steve’s back was straight up and he was intently listening to every word spoken. TJ was…it was like he didn’t care. Did he not care? Was this all just some ploy to remove Bucky from Steve?

Bucky wasn’t sure…

“I can go with him,” Steve said. “We can retrieve the proof for you. But till then, you _cannot_ contact the CIA.”

TJ then looked up. “Woah, wait, you’re going after HYDRA? After all that’s happened?”

Bucky suppressed a growl. Now he decided to pay attention when it was Steve’s life on the line. Had Bucky’s complete acceptance of TJ meant nothing? Had TJ just been playing along till he could find the right time to evict Bucky out of the picture? Was this kid really that cunning?

“We won’t tell the CIA. Not yet. You can stay the night, but then you leave for wherever it is you’re going to get the HYDRA mainframe from in the morning,” Elaine ordered. “If you don’t find proof, I call the CIA and turn you in.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky said. “Thank you.” It was all he expected. Elaine, the Secretary of State, was taking a huge risk on this. She was allowing him to stay in his house, free to move around. She was trusting him… That said a lot about her character.

“Go upstairs. I’ll prepare the guest rooms,” Elaine said, her gaze flicking to TJ.

“We only need one room,” Steve said. “We’re together.”

Elaine’s brows shot up. “I thought you were dating my son?” She crossed her arms over her chest. Even Doug looked confused.

TJ bit his lip. “Mom…”

“I am dating your son. I’m also with Bucky,” Steve said as if it were the most normal situation on the planet. Bucky smiled softly.  

“So…you’re dating both of them and you’re okay with that, TJ?” Elaine asked, looking to her son, searching his eyes for any clues.

“We’re all together,” Bucky said, looking to TJ, seeing if there was any indication that he was upset about the confession. TJ just looked red and awkward. Bucky couldn’t really evaluate that.

“All of you? The three of you?” Doug asked, pointing to them.

“It’s called polyamory, dumbass,” TJ said to his twin.

“But he looks _just_ like you,” Doug said. “Like…he’s more of your twin than I am.”

TJ shrugged. “We can tell each other apart.”

“So you all…” Elaine was steadying herself against the dining room table as she sat forward. “You all are going to sleep in the same room? Same bed.”

“I’m 30, Mom. I’m not a child,” TJ said standing up. “We can just use the room you stuffed me in after my OD.”

Elaine nodded, her mouth open as she tried to soak all this in. Bucky had to hand it to her; she was taking it rather well.

TJ stood up, motioning for Steve and Bucky to follow. “We’ll be down in a bit. I just wanna get them settled in and tour the house or something.”

“It was nice meeting you, Madam Secretary,” Bucky said as he followed behind Steve.

Elaine just nodded, shooting her other son, Doug, a puzzled and shocked expression. Doug shrugged. Bucky assumed from how well they were taking this, that it wasn’t that unheard of for TJ to do something as…different…as this.

They had gone upstairs where Bucky could now close the door behind TJ and confront him about all that just went down. “The fuck was that, TJ?” Bucky asked bitterly; brow furrowing and shoulders going rigid.

“Woah, Bucky,” Steve said, trying to calm the situation. He pressed a hand to Bucky’s chest.

“You weren’t helping at all,” Bucky continued, ignoring Steve and shrugging him off. His eyes were glued to TJ, watching for any wrong movement or anything that made Bucky feel that was all just a game to TJ.

“You had Steve,” TJ defended. “Besides, I’m the last person my family’s gonna trust. I’m an _addict_ remember?”

Bucky breathed in deep, understanding that. Maybe Bucky had just gotten a bit worried. He guessed…he wasn’t entirely comfortable about this whole situation of being in D.C and meeting family and trying to prove himself. He was on edge. “I’m sorry, TJ,” Bucky said, relaxing his shoulders. “I’m just…this is hard for me.”

TJ nodded, looking over to Steve as if he expected Steve to do something about this. When Steve just pressed his lips together, sighing heavily through his nose, TJ stepped forward, grabbing Bucky’s hands. “I said I’d help you right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky admitted.

“I’m helping.” TJ placed a soft kiss on Bucky’s lips, tracing his bottom lip with his tongue for a moment. Bucky liked kissing TJ. He liked how animated it was. TJ loved using his tongue and Bucky definitely loved using his. It made for some seriously sexual kisses though. Bucky had to pull back before he would push TJ up against the wall. Bucky presumed there’d be no sex in the Hammond house. He could respect that though.

And just like that, it was all resolved and Bucky could feel himself calming down; listening to his heartbeat slow in his ears.

“So tomorrow,” Steve said, crossing his arms. “You got a plan?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah I know what I’m gonna do. You don’t have to help, Steve.”

“I’m coming with you,” Steve said. His tone was final; absolute. There was no arguing with that tone. Bucky knew better.

“How long’ll you be gone?” TJ asked. His face was laced with gentle worry. His bottom lip jutted just slightly and his eyes were doe-eyed and glistening.

“We’ll be back by early morning, day after tomorrow,” Bucky responded. “I already know where I’m going and what I’m doing.”

“Wanna run that by me then?” Steve asked again, sounding much more agitated.

“We can talk about it later. I want to put on a good first impression with TJ’s family.”

Steve just crossed his arms, but he gave a firm nod, respecting Bucky’s decision. Bucky was thankful for the amount of trust Steve had in him. Truthfully, Bucky didn’t deserve it. He still had his Winter Soldier programming, he still had the impulses to kill when confined or lash out with violence if stressed…but Steve only saw the good in everyone. It was one of the many, many reasons Bucky had fallen in love with him, even when Steve was just a tiny, little thing. Bucky had seen the beauty underneath. He’d seen the bravery and compassion. He was glad Steve had seen something in him as well. If not…things may have turned out completely different.

* * *

 

When they’d come downstairs, TJ’s father, Bud Hammond was sitting on the couch, gesturing wildly with his hands as he told a story, loudly, about some kind of political endeavor. Bucky followed Steve closely, watching everyone in the room in case someone decided to jump out of a corner and toss a bag on his head. He felt he could trust Elaine, but there was still part of him that couldn’t trust anyone but Steve. It was obvious now to Bucky that he didn’t trust TJ implicitly, despite having said otherwise up at the cabin. The second TJ was showing behavior that Bucky didn’t understand, he’d gone straight to questioning him. Bucky would have to work on that. Without trust, this relationship wouldn’t work. Bucky didn’t want to make Steve choose TJ or himself, though, truth be told, Bucky was 99% sure if push came to shove, Steve would pick him over TJ. There was too much history there. Too much loyalty and years of saving each other’s asses. Bucky didn’t want it to come to that though, but it was a comfort believing he’d always be the favorite in Steve’s eyes.

“Well fuck me into next Tuesday,” Bud said, taking a gulp from his wine glass. “You weren’t kidding when you said he looked just like TJ.” Bud’s gaze was heavy, but there was a sparkle in his eyes, an indication that he was much more lighthearted than he looked, with his tall build and slick back hair.

“Mr. President?” Bucky asked, offering out his flesh hand for a handshake. “It’s an honor.”

“Oh piss on that,” Bud said. “I was way after your time. Jesus…you look just like my son.”

TJ sighed. “We’ve established this already, Dad.”

“Well saying someone looks just like someone and someone actually looking _just_ like someone are two different things!” Bud defended.

“We’ve just sort of accepted it. Hello again, Mr. President,” Steve said, offering his hand in greeting as well. “Glad to see you’re well.”

“Captain,” Bud greeted, shaking Steve’s hand firmly. “You treating my son right?”

Bucky blinked in surprise, his mouth dropping at how forward Bud was.

“Bud!” Elaine protested from her perch atop one of the couch’s arms. She was like a cat, all steady and graceful.

“We’re all family here, not like I need to censor myself. Last time TJ got mixed up in political relationships…” Bud left the sentence to hang in the air.

TJ looked to his feet. “Steve isn’t a senator, Dad.”

“No. He’s the damn poster boy for the United States. Forgive me if I’m a little nervous about this…whole thing.”

“We told him..about Bucky, TJ,” Doug said. “About all of you.”

TJ nodded, clicking his tongue. “Well I guess when I bring my _boyfriends_ home, I can’t exactly expect my family not to talk about it like it’s some big deal.” The words were bitter but resigned. TJ was the problem child, that was more than obvious to Bucky. Of course his family would talk. They were worried about him. TJ didn’t have the mental strength to withstand heartbreak or misfortune. It would eat him alive till there was nothing left and he’d just…pass away.

“It’s a good, big deal!” Elaine protested. “I’m happy for you TJ.”

“Yeah,” the Asian woman next to Doug said. His arm was draped around her. “You have great taste in men. I mean…those biceps…”

“Anne!” Doug protested. “Thanks for making me feel self-conscious!” 

The mood in the room seemed to lighten. Bucky watched TJ’s shoulders instantly relax as he sat next to Anne, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “I knew I liked you for a reason,” he said. She giggled at him.

Bud resigned himself to silence, taking another sip of his wine. Bucky saw that expression though. TJ’s father wasn’t satisfied with this. He had every right to be worried. His son was dating not one, but two super soldiers, and one was a suspected terrorist. Bucky could understand where Bud was coming from.

They mostly kept to polite chatter, avoiding questions about HYDRA or SHIELD. They were mainly interested in how the relationship worked (without the sexual parts) and how it came to be what it was. Elaine asked how upstate New York was and if Bucky had enjoyed the weather. It was pleasant, easy interaction. Bud watched Bucky with skeptical eyes but Elaine didn’t. Elaine embraced Bucky, most likely on the integrity of both Steve and TJ. She was an intelligent woman and an excellent judge of character. Bucky was on his best behavior for her, remembering all his “yes ma’ams” and “no ma’ams.”

Bucky learned about TJ’s grandmother and how she’d been a showgirl and even performed at a few of the bars that Bucky frequented before her time. She seemed lively. Bucky liked her spunk, and he had to admit, she was one of the most beautiful women of her age.

“You know,” Steve said as he sipped on a mineral water. He never drank alcohol. It didn’t do anything for him anyway. “Bucky used to play the piano.”

“What!” Anne announced gleefully.

“Oh you must play something!” Margaret, TJ’s grandmother announced.

TJ laughed. “Yeah Buck. I’ve never heard you play.”

Bucky sighed, feeling Steve bump his shoulder into his, encouragingly. “I haven’t played in over seventy years…”

“Oh come on!” TJ pleaded. “Please?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, realizing there was no way he was going to get out of this. He didn’t mind it though. Piano seemed like a good way to humanize him. Perhaps they’d look at him as less of a threat, and more of just…a person. Bucky just wanted to be recognized as a person.

He went over to the piano, running his fingers down a few keys as he looked to the sheet music in front of him. “Don’t make fun of me if I mess up.” His fingers twitched above the piano. He had a sudden, strange feeling overcome him. His metal hand…it had never played the piano. It had been used for killing…not music-making. He furrowed his brow, wiggling his metal hand for a moment, savoring the moment where he turned his hand, designed for killing, into something designed for gentleness and artistry.

He stroked the keys, hesitantly at first as he slowly played the tune, struggling to keep up with the sheet music. His metal hand strained to stretch over the keys, but his flesh hand fell into a comfortable melody. He closed his eyes, remembering the way the song actually sounded by heart. His hands found the keys even when his eyes were closed. His metal hand struggled less as he sighed into the music, biting his lower lip as he allowed the melody to take over his mind. He toed the pedals accordingly, drawing out crescendos or stifling short, melodic bursts. It all came so naturally back to him, as if he’d never stopped. He could see himself in the corner of a bar, playing with the keys and trying his best to impress the dames around. He could see Steve, with his tiny, delicate body nursing a beer with a proud smile on his face. He could practically smell the cigarette smoke and hear the idle chatter. He slowed the song, drawing out the last few notes, opening his eyes and looking up to Steve, with that same proud smile on such a larger body. He looked to TJ, seeing his delicate lips open in awe. Everyone had some form of smile on their face (Well, not Bud). Bucky leaned back, shrugging.

“That was beautiful,” Elaine said.

“You’re giving TJ a run for his money,” Margaret said as she smiled across the couch at TJ.

“Thanks, Nana,” TJ said. TJ’s eyes locked with Bucky’s for a moment. The corners of his mouth were displayed in the most subtle of a smile, but it was enough to make Bucky’s heart flutter. He’d never understand why he found TJ so attractive when that face was simply just his; younger…less strained but, it was his.

Steve stood up, sitting by Bucky on the piano. “Wanna play like we used to?” he asked.

Bucky kissed his shoulder, nodding into it.

Steve took the higher keys where Bucky stayed low and together they played their rendition of _Chopsticks_. Anne and Doug got up to dance. Bud was looking at Elaine longingly, but she seemed to mostly ignore his advances. It was strange to Bucky. He didn’t know who he was when he was in Red Room, but he knew he’d been someone. This… This was what he’d been. It was so simplistic, being next to the heated body of a man he loved so much or just looking over his shoulder at another man who he was beginning to love. How did he get here? It was like nothing had ever happened yet so much had. It was surreal, spending time like this as if it was…ordinary…normal. He felt guilty, like he didn't deserve it, but he just...kept pressing on. Ignoring that plaguing feeling and the lump that formed in his throat. This was right. This...was right. 

* * *

 

They’d retired for the night shortly after midnight. TJ had played a few more complicated pieces with Bucky. Bucky had loved watching his fingers move, like water over the keys of the piano. The mood had never been terribly dark, save for the start when Bucky was explaining who he was, but after that, no one looked at him any different than they looked at Steve, or even TJ. Margaret had even danced with Bucky over the sounds of TJ’s skillful playing.

It was nice to slip away with Steve and TJ though. After so much social stimulation, Bucky was left feeling exhausted. He wasn’t used to that sort of thing anymore. He did, however, remember the days where he would be out all night, dancing with various women, flirting with Steve and drinking with men he’d never met. It had all been so easy before. Bucky struggled with it more now. He’d catch himself looking at the exists of the room, wondering who was standing in the shadows or if a bullet would come into the window. It brought him a sadistic small comfort, knowing that he’d usually be the reason a bullet went through a window...or a wall.

He removed his pants and shirt, dropping into the bed, curling up against Steve’s frame, sighing in content. He kissed Steve’s cheeks, his neck and his shoulder before resting his head against his lover’s strong, wide chest. “This has been nice, TJ,” Bucky mumbled, watching TJ curl against Steve on the other side of the bed. Bucky reached out to grab TJ’s hand with his flesh one, caressing his thumb over the gentle skin.

“Yeah, well,” TJ said, scrunching up his face. “My family can be pretty cool sometimes.”

“Your mom’s amazing,” Steve said, pressing a soft kiss into TJ’s hair. “I just…dislike her powered people policy.”

TJ sat up, folding his legs underneath him. “Talk to her about it. I’m sure she’s open to reconsidering her tactics.”

“She’s campaigning for president. It’s a miracle she’s even here today. She won’t have time.”

“When’s she leaving?” Bucky asked, pressing another kiss into Steve’s shoulder.

TJ shrugged. He sat back, pushing his toes into the headboard and leaning back on his hands. “Dunno. Probably in a day or two.”

Bucky analyzed TJ’s face. There was some form of apprehension in there. Worry or…anxiety. Bucky sat up. “You okay, TJ?”

TJ’s shoulders went rigid for a moment, before settling back. “I’m fine.”

Steve sighed. “Teej…”

TJ stood up, his face paling. “No, seriously. Let’s not talk about me right now. You two have your…mission-thing or whatever tomorrow and I’ll be…here.”

Bucky clicked his tongue, trying to assess TJ’s sudden behavior. He’d been so calm downstairs; happy. “This about that?”

TJ walked into the bathroom, flipping the light switch and turning the water on. “I just need to wash my face.”

Steve looked to Bucky, silently saying more than words ever could. Steve reaffirmed Bucky’s assumptions. This was about the mission tomorrow. “Teej,” Steve began. “Wanna talk to us instead of just bottling everything up?”

Bucky allowed a breathy chuckle to pass from his lips. Steve used to be the worst at bottling up everything. Bucky would have to pry and pry before Steve would ever come clean. He guessed Steve had finally learned that communication was actually important after all these years.

TJ scrubbed at his face, ignoring Steve’s request. Bucky stood up, sending Steve a silent “I got this” before walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. TJ’s body became rigid. Bucky moved to sit on the bathtub’s lip, silently waiting for TJ to finish up. “You need to piss or something?” TJ asked. “Go ahead. Not like I haven’t seen your dick before.”

Bucky answered by tilting his head to the right.

TJ turned the water off, gently patting his face dry with one of the towels. “Bucky-”

“I wanna love you, TJ,” Bucky began, breaking into TJ’s exasperated sentence even before he had a chance to complete it. “You’re gorgeous and talented. Nice. Compassionate. But you’re not making this easy.”

“Oh really?” TJ leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and legs. “ _I’m_ the difficult one?”

Bucky’s brow raised. “I’ve done nothing but try to insert you into every aspect of me and Steve’s lives.”

“I’m a fucking third wheel, Bucky,” TJ said softly. His tone was icy, but he was keeping his voice down so Steve couldn’t hear him. “I see the way you two speak without ever even speaking. You move and he moves. Now you’re…” TJ sighed, tightening his grip on his torso. “Now you’re going off to play hero with him and I’ll just be here. Alone.”

Bucky chewed the inside of his cheek, listening to TJ’s words. “You think because you’re not as strong as us that Steve thinks of you as inferior?”

TJ shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe I did this to myself. Before you came back…I let him call me “Bucky.” I never pushed him to look at me as someone outside of you. I asked him how you behaved and how you’d respond to things…and I’d respond that way.”

Bucky’s heart squeezed. He swallowed hard, thinking how hard that must have been. TJ was so in love with Steve and he’d sacrificed his very identity to be with him.

“I’m not you, Bucky,” TJ said quietly, but the anger in his voice was gone. “I can’t…follow you. I can’t follow either of you.”

Bucky stood up, prying TJ’s fingers from his torso and lacing them into his own. “TJ,” Bucky whispered. “Steve used to be the smallest thing on the planet.” He traced the soft, pale veins underneath TJ’s skin, keeping his gaze focused on TJ’s hands. “He was always trying to follow me and I was always telling him that it was okay that he couldn’t. Steve couldn’t run as fast or be as tall and I didn’t care. Do you think a guy like that, who’d spent his whole life as a guy who couldn’t follow, would leave someone just because they’re not as strong?” He looked up, watching TJ’s brow crease and decrease as he thought. TJ bit his lip, dragging his teeth over the skin, creating white flashes over the skin before the blood would rush back.

“I guess he’d understand.”

Bucky smiled, pressing a soft kiss against TJ’s cheek. “He would understand. TJ, he loves you so much. I can see it in the way he looks at you.”

“But he’s got you again,” TJ pressed. “Why keep me when he has the real deal?”

Bucky grabbed TJ’s chin, forcing the other to stare directly right back. “Because he’s Steve Rogers. Once he loves someone, he doesn’t stop. You _are_ a real deal. You’re not just a temporary replacement or we wouldn’t even be here right now.”

“Why do you care so much?” TJ asked suddenly. “Why do you put such an effort into me?”

Bucky leaned back, grabbing the marble of the bathroom’s sink. “Because...” Bucky mused. “Because…you and me…we’ve got stories that most people don’t. We’ve faced horrors that most people don’t even _dream_ of. We’ve suffered and fallen off the tracks. Guys like us gotta stick together.”

TJ sighed, but he nodded, seemingly accepting Bucky’s answer. Truth be told, it was more complicated than that for Bucky. TJ…was him. Bucky saw himself in the way TJ moved, heard him in the way he spoke. They were twins, separated by wars and eras yet they’d found each other somehow, amidst chaos, drugs, murders… Looking at TJ was like looking at Bucky’s very soul. Bucky didn’t think that was just coincidence. It was fate.

“Just…” TJ began, slumping against the wall. “Just please come back. Safe. I don’t know what I’d do without either of you.”

Bucky smiled, pushing himself off the sink. He pressed a soft, gentle kiss to TJ’s lips, gliding his tongue over TJ’s bottom lip. “It’s gonna take more than just HYDRA to keep us from coming back to you.”

They walked back into the bedroom, where Steve sat patiently, though his facial expression was tight and beckoned for an answer. TJ crawled into the bed first, wrapping an arm over Steve’s chest and tucking his head under the blonde’s chin. “I’m sorry,” he said.

Steve wrapped an arm around TJ’s shoulders, stroking at his arm lightly with his fingers. “For?”

TJ laughed. “For being an idiot.”

Steve cocked a brow at Bucky, but Bucky simply shrugged, slipping under the covers and wrapping an arm around Steve. “We worked it out.”

“If you two start ganging up on me…” Steve warned, but it was playful and light.

“Oh come on, Steve,” Bucky chuckled. “You’d be in heaven if we were both all over you like that.”

Steve laughed, kissing Bucky’s mouth lightly before kissing TJ’s forehead. “I love you both,” he said.

“We love you too,” TJ said sleepily, curling into Steve more.

Bucky pulled away, knowing TJ needed all the reassurance he could get. He lay on his side, curling his arms around his pillow and scooted lower. He’d gotten to have Steve for years, just Bucky and him, long before TJ did. It wouldn’t kill Bucky to not hold Steve tonight.

* * *

 

TJ hated seeing them go the next morning. He hated looking at Bucky, all dressed in Kevlar armor and his ski mask, like some dark, Soviet terrorist. He hated seeing Steve, dressed in his red, white and blue Captain America suit. He hated knowing that they were going where he couldn’t follow. Steve had been so reassuring. He’d kept pressing his forehead to TJ’s, saying that they’d go out to a park or a movie when he’d come back, just the two of them. The idea had fluttered TJ’s stomach. Just the two of them.

Don’t get TJ wrong, he was certainly enjoying Bucky’s company now. He was still reserved, feeling like he was always on the outside looking in, but Bucky’s words… _‘Guys like us gotta stick together.’_ Bucky was willing to give everything to TJ. TJ just had to be willing to give it back. TJ would be lying though if he still wasn’t intimidated as all get out between two giants. Though after they’d been intimate, all of them, TJ had felt less concerned. They were gentle with him.

Bucky wasn’t one for goodbyes, or at least TJ presumed as much when Bucky simply waved at him, going into the black SUV that was to take them to wherever they were going. Even TJ’s mom was surprised at how sudden Bucky just…switched into his Winter Soldier mode. Steve had of course sent apologies TJ’s way, but TJ didn’t really mind. They were different. Steve was the day, all warm and radiant and Bucky was the night, cold and calculating. TJ didn’t expect long, drawn out goodbyes from Bucky because Bucky didn’t say goodbye when he was going to come back…

After they’d left, TJ spent most of his time lurking on twitter and various social media sites, watching as people speculated over his relationship with Captain America. Fox News of course was having a field day with it. They were already assuming everything correct, that Captain America was engaging in sexual behavior with TJ, though they pushed it a bit further, going so far as to claim Captain Rogers was now a drug addict. That pissed TJ off.

Since there was no proof anywhere, most news sites remained silent, just stating that Captain America had been on a plane with TJ Hammond, for reasons unknown. TJ knew they’d have to address these allegations eventually. They were true after all, and Steve promised up and down that he didn’t care about coming out. TJ knew better though. From personal experience, you couldn’t let someone force you out. You had to do it on your own terms. TJ would give Steve the dignity of coming out when he was really ready. Then there was the whole headache about the fact that Steve wasn’t just dating TJ- he was also dating Bucky. Which was the additional headache of “Holy shit, Bucky Barnes is alive?!” TJ closed his laptop forcefully, wincing as he hoped he didn’t damage it. He rubbed at his temples. This was going to be a PR nightmare, no matter on whose terms. The media would string Steve up like a whore and TJ didn’t know if he could deal with that.

“Something troubling you, Sonny?” Margaret, TJ’s grandmother said as she glided into the living room. She had a martini glass.

“Just looking at all the speculation around me and Steve,” TJ answered, shrugging. “You know. The usual. Everyone’s waiting to cast the first stone.”

His grandmother nodded, taking a sip of her drink. “Captain Rogers is an adult, TJ. If he wants to tell the world, he obviously doesn’t care about the consequences.”

“He should though!” TJ defended, smacking his arms back down onto the coffee table as he sat in front of the couch. “They could…I dunno, punish him and shit, right?”

Margaret gave him a deadpanned, dry glance. Laughing she said, “Oh please! Punish Captain America? For what? Being gay? He saved the world with the Avengers. He took down HYDRA. He saved the 107th. The man’s a damn god. No one can touch that. Besides, it's Barnes that you really need to worry about."

TJ's back straightened. "Why?"

She laughed, like the answer was obvious. "He's a time bomb."

TJ furrowed his brow. "Nana, he was a POW."

She took a gulp of her drink. "The way his eyes are always darting about the room and each time someone spoke to him, he'd wince, like he was expecting someone to smack him. I thought you had issues."

TJ ignored the insult. "He's adjusting to real life again, Nana. You can't fault him for that."

"And he's just...honkey-dorey about you? You think he'll let you keep Rogers?" 

"Nana..." TJ pleaded. He didn't want this conversation. He couldn't have this conversation. 

"Barnes is a time bomb. I'm just hoping you'll leave before he goes off..."

TJ sighed bitterly, shoving his grandmother's words as far down as he could shove them. He scooted up onto the couch to look out the window into the garden. His eyes flicked to the clock. Steve and Bucky wouldn’t be back till morning. TJ would be alone tonight. The idea upset him, knowing that two, ever so warm, bodies wouldn’t be cradling him against their chests tonight- that they'd be cradling each other and only each other. He stood up, deciding he’d make himself busy. He had a club to run. He’d been certainly shirking his duties as of late. It honestly paid off being a Hammond. Not many could pull off that kind of shit and get away with it. "Good talk, Nana. I'm leaving."

"See ya, Sonny," she said, waving dismissively. 

* * *

 

His presence was unannounced to the club, but there were still some photographers there who snapped pictures of him. He was honestly pleased. He had arrived alone. Without Steve around, they couldn’t continue feeding into their speculations about their relationship. Honestly, it was a bit stereotypical that the media would see Steve with TJ and automatically assume he was gay. It didn’t matter that they were actually right…it was still rude.

“TJ!” a reporter shouted, putting his phone in front of TJ’s lips. “Any comment on yours and Captain Rogers’ relationship?”

TJ laughed. “Yeah I gotta a comment,” he said, turning to the reporter, watching as more flashes of light exploded around him as reporters and photographers got closer. “He’s hot right? I’d like to see him naked.” Feeling pleased, he walked away to the sounds of a few follow up questions. He hadn’t answered the question, but he’d been his typical, flirty self and them knowing he found Steve attractive was not the same as them knowing he and Steve were together. TJ was a bit too experienced with this kind of stuff.

He walked into the club, listening to deep beats that shook his bones. Smiling at a few VIPs, he went up into a private lounge. At first, drugs were the last thing from his mind. In fact, he’d not been feeling desperate or upset or uncertain...till his grandma had opened her big mouth... Logically, he attempted to reason with himself. He had not one, but two boyfriends who cared for him, they said so, and he theoretically had nothing going on in his life worth freaking out about. (Well, unless you count the insecurity of being between two rock-hard bodies with eight-packs and biceps for days). He would probably never shake his insecurities about Bucky’s relationship with Steve, but Bucky had been right. Guys like them needed to stick together. Nana was wrong. Men like Steve didn’t waste away in a relationship because they felt bad. Bucky wouldn't do that either. They were all together. It was real and it was happening and it wasn’t going anywhere. But TJ suddenly had a line of coke searing into the front of his brain, dilating his pupils and heightening his senses. He wanted to push these thoughts away. They were wrong. His Nana was wrong. He just wanted to feel good and forget her lies. Because they were lies...or at least that's what TJ tried to convince himself. The seed had already been planted. But as the drug took effect, TJ became less concerned with his grandmother's words and more concerned with the two bodies that TJ got to fall asleep with every night.

He wanted to be high and let both Steve and Bucky take him at the same time. He wanted to know what it felt like to be higher than a kite with Steve deep inside, fucking him from the front as Bucky was behind him, double penetrating him with his cock. Moaning, TJ lay on the couch, staring up at the red ceiling with its recess lighting that cast warm, golden glows all around the edge of the room. He arched his back, feeling the drugs hit his blood stream, pulling him to a pleasure he hadn’t felt in such a long time.

If he was high with Steve and Bucky, he’d let them use him like a doll, pulling him one way and pushing him another as they both would squirm for their own release, their cocks rubbing against each other’s as they’d bury deep inside TJ. TJ would moan and cry and gasp as their delicious cocks filled him, pumping him with their cum. He knew Bucky liked cum play, so he’d allow Bucky to eat him out, shivering as he thought of how the man’s tongue would feel around his ringed muscle, lapping and straining for every bit of cum he could get his deliciously pink, wet tongue on.

TJ unbuttoned his pants, thinking harder on his fantasy. He rubbed at his cock, stroking it through his denims. He allowed small moans to escape his lips as he pictured Steve, gloriously sweaty with a glowing mist, his brow furrowed and his bottom lip, tucked behind his teeth as he would sway into TJ’s hole, shivering each time he’d rub up against Bucky’s cock. TJ would watch with heavy-lidded eyes as Steve and Bucky would press heavy, heated kisses against each other’s red mouths. TJ loved Steve’s mouth. It was soft and warm and Bucky’s…Bucky’s mouth was hot, sensual and full of excitement. TJ didn’t think he’d enjoy kissing a mouth so similar to his own, but then he’d met Bucky.

Jesus, did Bucky ever _excite_ TJ. Bucky’s body was a taboo; a forbidden fruit and TJ wanted it. He especially wanted it because he didn't fully trust Bucky's words, and that excited him now. He wanted to feel his legs wrapped tightly around Bucky’s torso. He wanted to feel those tight, rippling abs as Bucky would roll into TJ’s ass. He wanted to hear those gasps and moans as Bucky would whine out his pleasure of how tight TJ was.

“Mmm, mmm,” TJ moaned as he slipped his fingers beneath his pants, taking hold of his dick and stroking it slowly. His eyes were pushed shut as he rolled his hips.

He thought of Steve’s body, and that thick, hard cock. He’d make TJ beg and beg and beg to be filled as Bucky took him from behind and Steve would taunt TJ with his cock, just inches before his face. TJ would stretch and try to lap at the erection, eyeing it hungrily as Steve would give his face a few smacks with his cock. TJ would moan, begging for more and Steve, the ever-obedient Captain America would give TJ exactly what he’d want. TJ would gulp Steve down, sucking hard and swirling his tongue along the dips and gentle curves of Steve’s erection. He’d moan into Steve’s cock as Bucky’s dick would graze over his prostate.

TJ pulled up his shirt, using his free hand to rub and pull at his nipples as his other hand continued to stroke at his cock. He dug his feet into the couch, feeling his leg muscles tense as he thought of how Steve and Bucky would look, fawning over TJ’s body, running their hands over every dip, every curve and into every cavity.  “Oh, God!” he breathed out as he let his fantasy run wilder, dirtier.

Bucky would come inside him, warming his insides with his silken seed. TJ would sit on Steve’s face, letting it drip into his mouth as Steve’s tongue would work at TJ’s hole, all the while pumping at TJ’s cock. “Oh shit, oh shit,” TJ breathed out, his hand pumping faster now. He pictured Bucky, with a perfect smile on his face as he’d stroke his cock back hard, slipping it inside Steve as Steve would continue to eat TJ out. TJ would delight in the moans and hums of Steve’s gentle mouth as Bucky would work him up in all the right ways, drilling deep and passionately into Steve’s core.

“Ah, ah, f-fuck, fuck, Steve…” TJ breathed out, picturing Steve’s body withering in absolute pleasure as Bucky would continue to pump into him. “B-Bucky…ah! Ah! Fuck!” TJ felt his seed wet his briefs as his orgasm washed over him, removing his fantasy with vivid colors and feeling.

He pulled his hand up, looking at the glistening cum that had spread against his hand. Tentatively, he lapped at it, wincing at its bland, bitter taste. It was like warm cardboard. Bucky liked it though, and TJ wanted to dive further into Bucky’s fetish, maybe even learn some of Steve’s. What made Steve utterly turned on? TJ had been so caught up in how good Steve made him feel, that he’d never stopped to really ask Steve what he wanted. Steve had always been so content to just follow TJ. And oddly enough, all they had ever done was just rough sex- nothing kinky or exciting.

TJ stood up, slipping out of his briefs and dumping them into the garbage. He used the fabric to wipe off the rest of his cum before dumping them into the trash. He wanted to be high when he had sex with Steve and Bucky next. Maybe he could even get them to do it with him. It would feel so good, all of them with their nerves raw and guards down. TJ laughed, spinning around the room before falling back into the couch. He wanted both of them. He wanted Steve’s glorious, broad chest and Bucky’s dark, guarded eyes. He wanted to feel them push into him so badly. His cock was already starting to ache again as his mind trickled to those fantasies again. His Nana was wrong... She had to be. Bucky wasn't a time bomb. He was just suffering, like TJ was suffering. 

He rest his head back, looking up at the ceiling again, logic taking hold. Steve would never do blow. After Bucky’s experiences with HYDRA…TJ wasn’t sure if he’d do it either or not, but he wanted them to do it so badly, at least once. He wanted to share with them how good it felt to be so high with someone else. Maybe he’d just slip them something. He could do that. They trusted him after all.

* * *

 

“What time is it?” Bucky asked as he walked up the stairs of the Hammond residence.

“Late,” Steve answered simply. “We’re way late.” They hadn't expected the onslaught of defenses. Bucky had thought the job would be a daily thing and they'd be back the following morning, but two nights had past, and now here they finally were, back outside the Hammond house.

Bucky rolled his shoulder, feeling the burn from a bullet graze he’d taken while on the mission. It had been worth it though, because there were now two more HYDRA heads, but they were down one heaping data file of the Winter Soldier. Steve had the sense to ask it be deleted from the mainframe after they’d copied the files. He didn’t want anyone else ever having to experience what Bucky had. “Think TJ’s still up?”

Steve took out his phone, dialing TJ’s number. “Guess we’ll find out.”

Bucky leaned against the door, lighting up a cigarette. He thought he was going to quit, since he hadn’t had a cigarette since HYDRA had him, but the habit proved to be too calming for him to ignore. Besides, it brought a bit of strange familiarity back from the days before the war. 

“Hey, Teej, you still awake?” Steve spoke into the phone in a soothing voice, just in case TJ had been sleeping.

Bucky took a long drag of his cigarette, watching how Steve’s body relaxed the second TJ had answered the phone. TJ was an idiot to believe Steve didn’t love him as much as Steve loved Bucky. Still…Bucky could understand where TJ was coming from. This entire thing was so surreal. Bucky wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it either. He liked it. He just wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being surprised at having two bodies to hold at night, instead of just one.

“We’re outside. Wanna come let us in?” Steve asked softly, looking up at the second story of the home. “We’re fine, just cuts and bruises.” Steve paused, listening to TJ on the other end. He laughed. “Yes, baby, I know we’re late.”

The porch light came on. Bucky instantly grabbed the gun he'd been issued by one of Elaine's secret service. He winced as his eyes fought to adjust for a second, realizing it was nothing. He put his cigarette out, flicking it into the road.

“I thought you were hurt or dead or something!” TJ exclaimed as he opened the door, jumping into Steve’s arms.

Steve caught him, not even stumbling back in inch. He pressed a kiss into TJ’s temple, laughing softly. “We’re sorry, Teej. We got a little busy.”

“You get what you needed?” TJ asked, looking with round, tired eyes at Bucky. Bucky knew those eyes. They weren’t just restless and worried, they were bloodshot and red-rimmed. TJ had been doing drugs.

“We did,” Bucky answered evenly. He looked to Steve, trying to see if he’d caught onto TJ’s eyes, but from Steve’s relaxed face, Bucky couldn’t tell if Steve was just ignoring it, or if he couldn’t see it. “Your mom still here?”

“She’s leaving today,” TJ answered as they walked into the house. Steve was still caring TJ. “I can wake her?”

“No,” Bucky answered. “When’s she waking up? I’ll see her then.”

TJ shrugged. “Early,” he stated. He turned his focus to Steve, smiling and pressing thousands of tiny kisses over Steve’s face. Steve laughed softly in response.

Bucky waited patiently, knowing it was the worst idea to ignite ire in a man who was high on drugs. He’d have to talk to TJ though, when he was sober. “What time TJ?” Bucky asked again, gently.

Steve carried TJ up the stairs, pulling little, breathy giggles from TJ’s lips. TJ was kissing up Steve’s jaw line, nibbling his earlobe. “Dunno,” he mumbled. “Early.”

Bucky was slightly irritated now. His eyes turned to slits and he felt his fists ball into tight spheres, ready to slam into anything that got close. This was his future and Elaine was the only one that could clear his name and let him just…disappear. TJ knew how important this was to Bucky. Growling, Bucky pulled TJ out of Steve’s arms, slamming him against the wall. “Give me a fucking time, TJ!” he spat in an icy whisper, his Asset programming spurring to life inside him.

“Bucky!” Steve exclaimed, his voice barely above a whisper. He instantly pulled Bucky away, and Bucky let him, despite all his desires to put TJ into a chokehold. It was easier to get information out of people when they were in pain. Desperation did wonderful things to the human body.

Bucky stepped back, his eyes rounding and his mouth dropping into a gaping look of absolute shock and surprise, realizing his thoughts and behavior. He looked to the fear in TJ’s eyes and over to Steve’s heavy, disapproving ones. “Shit…” he breathed out. “TJ, I’m so sorry.” He reached out to TJ, but dropped his arms when he saw the tiniest bit of a flinch from the man’s shoulders.

TJ was still against the wall, chewing his bottom lip. Bucky couldn’t get closer. He looked like a feather, resting against a tree branch and the slightest, stillest gust of wind would blow him away forever.

“He’s just a kid, Bucky,” Steve defended. “You can’t push him like that.”

Bucky’s stomach heated in anger, momentarily forgetting how sorry he’d just been. Steve knew Bucky’s pain. Steve knew better than anyone the agony and time it took to bring him back to this point. Steve had _been_ there. Steve had seen the memory bleeds. He’d seen Bucky go from being his regular self to an assassin. He’d felt Bucky’s fingers around his throat, he’d deflected each punch and dodged each bullet that Bucky had managed to shoot. He’d brought Bucky back from hell. He sure as _hell_ knew the pain Bucky had gone through, because Steve had been there, right by Bucky’s side, doing everything he could to bring Bucky back from a nightmare he couldn’t shake. “A kid, Steve?” he spat. “He’s a _fucking_ adult. Both of you know what this means to me!” Bucky hissed. Bucky looked at TJ’s glassy eyes, seeing how the coke was still pumping through his bloodstream. Bucky wanted to call him out on it. He wanted to call him out on it so badly. If Steve knew…if Steve knew he’d be disappointed in TJ. He wouldn’t throw all his ire at Bucky. If Steve just fucking knew…

A light came on, and the issue was settled as Elaine, in her robe, stood there, with a concerned expression; her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. “Gentlemen,” she greeted.

“We got my proof,” Bucky said, holding up the flash drive.

Elaine walked over to her son, caressing his face. “You okay, Tommy?” she asked.

Bucky nodded to himself, accepting he’d messed up. It was easy sometimes, to just slip into a mode where his mind didn’t matter and everything was about a mission. Hurting TJ though… That wasn’t something he wanted to do. He just wanted to put HYDRA behind him so badly. He’d been plagued by the idea of being taken away in a black car and taken underground, only to rot for years before they’d put a bullet between his eyes. He couldn’t stand the idea of being forcefully taken from Steve’s arms and the life they’d finally mustered up for each other. It wasn’t the best life, but it was theirs. And TJ’s. Bucky just…had lost himself. Maybe he wasn’t all better after all.

“I’m fine, Mom,” TJ said, looking back to Bucky. “We were just rough-housing.”

Elaine turned back to Bucky, opening her palm. “Let me go over this. You stay here in this house for the meantime. Is that okay?” she asked softly. Her words were kind. She’d just seen Bucky shove her son against the wall and yet she was still being kind. She was _still_ not threatened by Bucky.

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky answered, relief flooding his features. “Thank you.”

Elaine smiled. She turned back to her son, kissing him on the cheek. “Good night,” she said.

The three walked back into their room silently. Steve’s brow was creased and his eyes were lit with irritation. “I’m taking a shower,” he mumbled. “You can join me, TJ.”

Bucky felt like he’d just been whipped in the face. His mouth dropped open as he felt his fingers shake. Steve was pissed at him. Steve never got pissed at him. Bucky whined as his body betrayed him.

TJ was the one who turned to Bucky. His face was still sullen from the drugs, but Bucky could tell he was mostly sober now. He offered a small shrug. “I forgive you,” TJ said. “I know you’re just scared.”

Steve waited at the door to the bathroom, leaning against it with a resigned look in his eyes. Bucky just wanted him to talk about it. They always talked about it. Communication was the most important part of their relationship, from sex to morning coffee. If they didn’t have communication they had nothing. Bucky swallowed hard, feeling his Adam’s apple rise and fall heavily. “S-Steve,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Steve sighed, nodding tightly. “Yeah I know. I’m gonna take a shower with TJ. You can take one after us.”

TJ was sporting that very specific expression when parents were fighting. He fidgeted on his feet, unsure of which way to go.

“I didn’t mean to, Steve,” Bucky said again.

Steve nodded. “I know that, Buck. You still did it. That was you. That wasn’t an Asset programming or HYDRA. That was you. _You_ pushed _my_ boyfriend against a wall by his _throat_.”

TJ winced. “H-hey c’mon,” he started. “Let’s not do this- please.”

“He’s your boyfriend?” Bucky asked, stepping forward, challengingly. “I thought he was _our_ boyfriend.”

TJ grabbed Steve’s hands. “C’mon, everything’s fine. You had a busy mission. Let’s just take a moment to all calm down,” TJ plead desperately, but Steve pushed by him, coming to stand in front of Bucky, his teeth barred and his eyes alit with anger.

“I don’t throw my boyfriends across rooms just because they don’t know answers!” Steve hissed.

“Excuse me?” Bucky said; acid laced in his voice. “You put me in a chokehold!”

“You were trying to _kill_ me Bucky!” Steve exclaimed, his voice rising to just barely under a yell.

“Guys, my mom’s trying to sleep…” TJ pressed, but he stuck to the bathroom door, ready to slam it shut if violence broke out. Bucky could see the fear in those eyes. TJ was fragile, like glass between two slabs of marble. If one leaned too heavily, he’d crack under the pressure. “Steve, please. Let’s just take a shower.”

“Go take a shower with your boyfriend,” Bucky snapped, feeling his heart squeeze as he did the right thing. He let it go. He let Steve be angry. He let them have time together. They needed this. Steve loved Bucky and Bucky knew that. TJ was the one that needed the protection. Steve needed to make sure Bucky was safe and Bucky couldn’t fault him for being worried about TJ’s well-being. It broke Bucky’s heart, seeing the first time he actually had to take a back seat to TJ, but he knew it was bound to happen. They all knew as this relationship grew that they’d all rise and fall in each other’s eyes at various stages. Steve had a strong desire to protect people and TJ needed that protection…from Bucky.

Steve stood there for a moment, his eyes faltering as he’d realized exactly what Bucky had done. Bucky grabbed a pillow from the bed and a blanket off the reading chair. “I’ll sleep downstairs,” Bucky said softly. “I love you, Steve.”

“Bucky…” Steve called out, grabbing his hand. “No, I don’t want that.”

TJ cocked a brow, his face clearly reeling from how fast their tempers burnt and extinguished. “Jesus, you two…” he breathed out. 

“Stay, please,” Steve said.

Bucky nodded, dropping the pillow back on the bed and tossing the blanket. “Take your shower with TJ, ya punk.”

Steve smiled, kissing Bucky’s cheek. They exchanged a knowing glance, all their apologies and “I love you’s” said in those looks with their hidden unsaid conversation.

* * *

 

Bucky was surprised at how fast they showered. He was expecting to hear some moaning or some kind of indication that they were making love, but the pair came out, naked and wet. Steve crawled into the bed, nipping at Bucky’s shoulder, gliding up his neck with wet, sloppy kisses. Bucky shivered as cool water droplets trickled against his neck. “Woah,” Bucky breathed out, feeling TJ’s weight on the other side of him. “We’re in your mom’s house.”

TJ laughed, bending to place a kiss at Bucky’s temple. “You think I’ve never done this before here?”

“We do this together,” Steve said, yanking Bucky’s undershirt over his head. Bucky winced as his bullet-graze wound hissed in pain. “You still hurt, baby?”

“I’m fine,” Bucky said, scooting closer to Steve, running his hands down his lover’s chest, feeling the dips and curves of Steve’s torso. Bucky had always loved Steve’s little body, but this body was a work of art, and Bucky never tired of mapping out its perfect landscaping.

TJ’s fingers came to gingerly press around the wound. “You got shot?”

Bucky laughed, kissing TJ’s forehead. “It’s part of the job.”

TJ leaned back, biting his bottom lip. “I’m sorry my mom made you do that.”

Bucky leaned forward, cupping TJ’s face, pressing a soft kiss into his mouth. “She needed proof. I get it.”TJ’s eyes were heavy with anguish as his focus lingered on the wound. “It’ll heal, gorgeous,” Bucky continued.

TJ’s eyes lit up at the affectionate terminology. He offered a shy smile, pressing Bucky back against the headboard and straddling him. Bucky temporarily forgot about TJ’s earlier run with cocaine, but at this moment, he looked into TJ’s eyes, making damn sure the boy was sober.

“You really wanna do this with me?” Bucky asked. TJ had been so nervous the first time, going so far as to voice his discomfort at the idea of Bucky making love to him. Bucky wasn’t going to disrespect TJ or Steve by taking advantage of TJ, sober or high. TJ had to be absolutely sure he wanted to do this. Especially after he'd thrown the kid against a wall by the throat. Bucky wasn’t Steve. TJ didn’t love Bucky. Bucky didn’t want TJ to do anything he’d end up regretting.

“I’m doing this with both of you,” TJ mumbled, pressing kisses into Bucky’s neck, nipping at the skin. Steve pressed a kiss to Bucky’s temple, running his fingers over Bucky’s abdomen, circling his navel.

Bucky bit his lip, tugging his teeth along the soft flesh as he turned into Steve’s mouth, locking their lips in a deep, passionate kiss, lolling his tongue against Steve’s, tasting the granola bar Steve had eaten before arriving. Bucky gasped, feeling TJ playing with the hem of his waistband. His hips were slightly ticklish and TJ’s touches were so light. “Tickles,” Bucky whispered out against Steve’s lips. Steve laughed into the kiss, brushing his nose against Bucky’s as he wrapped his hands into Bucky’s hair, pulling just enough to make Bucky moan, feeling his skin heat up at the light pain.

TJ pulled Bucky’s briefs off, massaging Bucky’s thighs and placing feather light kisses atop the skin. “Spread your legs,” TJ whispered.

Bucky opened his legs, hesitantly. He’d never bottomed before. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that, but TJ didn’t seem interested in that. He kissed up the inside of Bucky’s thigh, tracing his tongue along the skin, pulling soft giggles from Bucky’s throat as Steve still massaged his tongue into Bucky’s mouth. Steve’s hands danced across Bucky’s chest, twirling his fingers delicately around Bucky’s nipples, pulling slightly and massaging as Bucky would hiss from the delicious pain. Bucky’s hips lurched as TJ’s fingers flirtatiously brushed against Bucky’s sac. Bucky whined, looking down at TJ between his legs. TJ’s eyes were closed. His eyelashes rested against the tops of his cheeks like soft charcoal against a canvas. He was gorgeous, flawless and so, so identical to Bucky that it should have been alarming, but it wasn’t. The fact that they were so identical made Bucky love how taboo it all was. Feeling TJ’s fingers massage against his inner thigh, getting so close to his now-erect cock, knowing those fingers were so identical to his own, albeit softer, it made it that much sweeter, that much sexier.

“TJ,” Bucky whispered. “Please touch me. Please, baby.”

TJ smiled devilishly, moving to kiss Steve’s lips; a triumphant smile playing at the corners of his lips. “We’ll get there,” he finally said.

Bucky slammed his head against the headboard, bucking his hips. TJ’s hands moved further down his thigh, massaging around his knees and pulling Bucky’s leg up so he could dart his tongue out over the sensitive skin behind the knee. Bucky giggled at the tickling sensation. “I hate you both,” Bucky whined out, resisting the urge to take his cock into his hands.

“We love you,” Steve said. Steve straddled Bucky, rolling his hips into Bucky. Steve’s skin was hot. Bucky’s hands instantly went to Steve’s hips, pulling him close and crashing his lips into Steve’s, not caring as their teeth clacked against each other’s. They were used to rough sex. It wasn’t uncommon for one or the other to start bleeding from scratching or biting. They’d been gentler with TJ though. Bucky hissed as his cock brushed against Steve’s erection. He rocked his hips more, feeling TJ’s lips now at his shins, kissing over and over with big, wet, loud kisses. Bucky giggled as TJ’s tongue lapped around his ankles.

“You’re body is so beautiful, Bucky,” TJ said, pressing another kiss atop Bucky’s foot. “I wanna kiss every inch of you.”

Bucky growled, pulling Steve closer, nipping at his neck, hard enough to elicit a pained gasp from Steve’s throat. His flesh hand scratched down Steve’s back, tearing at the skin, leaving raised red markings in its wake. His metal hand was in Steve’s hair, holding him close as Steve continued to rock his hips into Bucky, just enough to brush against Bucky’s aching cock. “Steve please. Steve I need more,” Bucky begged.

“Mm-mm,” Steve chastised, halting his movements. “TJ’s gonna do that.”

Bucky rolled his hips, powerfully enough to lift Steve from the bed. “ _Please_ , Steve,” he begged.

Steve, the tease, got off Bucky, moving to the side, tugging playfully at one of Bucky’s nipples. “No-can-do, baby.”

TJ crawled up Bucky’s body, kissing his shins, his thighs, up to his lower abdomen, but he avoided what Bucky wanted touched the most. Bucky jerked his hips up, hitting TJ’s shoulder with the tip of his cock. The contact left a small, glistening dot atop TJ’s shoulder. “You want me to touch you, baby?” TJ asked sweetly. “Want me to put your dick in my mouth?”

“Yes, yes, please TJ, yes,” Bucky whined, jerking his hips again. Steve pressed rough kisses against Bucky’s throat, biting and sucking, leaving bruises in his wake. Bucky’s body was on fire as TJ continued to ignore his swollen cock. He watched through heavy-lidded eyes as TJ lapped at the dips around Bucky’s muscles, nipping gently, gracefully. Bucky moaned. TJ was gorgeous. His mouth was gorgeous, his slender body was gorgeous. Bucky then got a snarky idea. He wrapped one of his thighs around TJ’s head skillfully, utilizing his HYDRA training to pull TJ’s face against his cock. The corner of TJ’s eye hit the slit, making Bucky gasp.

TJ laughed. “Fine, fine,” he mumbled, grabbing the base of Bucky’s cock to give it a gentle squeeze. “I get the hint.”

Bucky kept his leg over TJ’s neck, holding him in place. TJ lapped from Bucky’s base to the tip, swirling his tongue around the erection lightly, blowing against the saliva in his wake. “Fucking, Jesus, TJ,” Bucky moaned. “Fucking shove it in your mouth, _please_!”

Steve laughed, turning Bucky’s head to trace his tongue against Bucky’s lips. “You’re always so impatient,” he mumbled against Bucky’s lips. “I love you.”

Bucky growled, pushing his lips against Steve’s in a desperate frenzy to feel more of him. He shoved his tongue into Steve’s mouth, moaning as he felt TJ’s mouth cover his cock sucking gently before dropping it with a loud, wet sound. “TJ!” he gasped. “ _Please_ , TJ.”

“I like you begging,” TJ said, kissing Bucky’s slit, pressing his tongue into it and lapping over the small, sensitive area, over and over till Bucky couldn’t focus. He pushed his head back against the headboard, rolling it uselessly from side to side.

“Please, I need more. Please TJ. Please, _please_ ,” Bucky whined; rolling his hips gently, forcing TJ’s mouth to cover the cockhead. TJ hummed over the tip, vibrating his lips delicately, causing Bucky to lurch himself forward, forcing himself further into TJ’s mouth. TJ obliged, using his tongue to balance Bucky’s erection as he started to bob his head, using his hand at the base, stroking it slowly.

Steve moved away from Bucky, kissing his shoulder once before moving down the bed to TJ. Bucky laughed, watching him slip his hands over the curves of TJ's ass. Bucky moaned, watching Steve massage down TJ’s back, pressing kisses into TJ’s spine. Steve was gorgeous, with his flushed red skin, powerful jaw and those eyes…Those fucking eyes that said everything before Bucky even had to ask it.

Bucky allowed a guttural groan to rip from his throat as TJ sucked harder, twirling his tongue around Bucky’s cock, pulling so deep Bucky’s tip hit the back of his throat. TJ’s throat muscles tightened, closing around Bucky’s cockhead. TJ pressed his tongue against the underside of Bucky’s cock, just below the tip. He slid his tongue back and forth there gently, still gagging around Bucky’s cock.

“Oh sweet fucking Jesus, Lord have mercy,” Bucky groaned again. “TJ…you’ve got a fucking flawless mouth.”

TJ laughed around Bucky’s cock, pulling back to tickle the corona again with his tongue. “Thanks, Bucky,” he said huskily, a corner of his swollen, red mouth twitching into a crooked smile. He looked behind him at Steve, watching something that Bucky couldn’t see. “Please Steve? Oh fuck yeah!” TJ moaned out as Steve’s head went lower. Bucky craned his neck, trying to see. Steve was at TJ’s ass, pulling the cheeks apart and pressing his face into those delicately round cheeks. “Oh _fuck_ , Steve,” TJ moaned, dropping his head into Bucky’s hip. “Mm, mmm.”

Bucky rolled his hips, trying to get TJ to remember what he was doing. “TJ,” he whined. “TJ don’t leave me like this.”

TJ looked up, his eyes glossy from the pleasure that Steve was providing him as Steve’s tongue swirled around his hole. Bucky watched as TJ rocked back into Steve, licking his lips and moaning into each thrust. “Yeah baby… oh _fuck_ …Ste-eve.”

TJ wrapped his hot mouth over Bucky’s cock again, bobbing with a new fervor, sucking harder and twisting his tongue around Bucky’s cock. Bucky’s head fell back again, nestled down into the pillows as he furrowed his brow, rocking into TJ’s pace. He felt TJ’s hands at his hips, pushing to hold him steady but Bucky was stronger. He hit the back of TJ’s throat a few times, gasping as the muscles would spasm around his cockhead. “TJ…TJ…TJ,” Bucky moaned. He could feel the heat rising in his lower abdomen. His toes started to curl and he tightened his grip around TJ’s neck with his thigh.

TJ dropped Bucky’s cock, causing Bucky to whine in loud protest. “Can’t breathe,” he mumbled. “Bucky…I can’t _breathe_.”

Bucky instantly threw his leg from around TJ’s throat, back onto the bed. “Sorry, baby, you okay?” Bucky asked, feeling the build of heat and pleasure in his abdomen subside.

TJ rocked back into Steve’s mouth, moaning and gasping lightly with every push of Steve’s tongue into his core. “Y-yeah…good…”

Bucky sucked in his lips, feeling anxious as his climax had been ruined by his own strength. He squirmed out from under TJ, getting off the bed to watch as Steve rimmed TJ’s hole. Bucky’s brow raised, he was impressed at how good Steve was at this, then again, Bucky had done this many times to Steve. Steve knew what felt good and what didn’t.

Steve pushed TJ further onto the bed, holding his hips up as TJ’s face crashed into the bed, ass up in the air. Bucky watched, biting the side of his lip, feeling his cock twitch as he watched Steve’s pink tongue circle around TJ’s hole before plunging in as far as it’d go. He knew Steve was curling his tongue inside, because each time he’d pull the tongue out− there was the tiniest sound of a gentle _pop_. TJ’s legs started to shake as he moaned into the rhythm of Steve’s tongue, his brow furrowed and his mouth agape. He looked gorgeous, unraveling and trembling at the pleasure Steve provided. His red erection swung lazily against his belly, dripping precum up his sternum.

Bucky reached under Steve, using his thumb to finger Steve’s tip, causing the man to moan into TJ’s ass as his hips rocked into Bucky’s touch. Bucky swirled his hand around, flicking his wrist at the base and pumping up to dance his fingers over Steve’s slit, playing with the precum that trickled out. Steve dropped to all fours, hovering over TJ as he rocked back into Bucky’s hand, moaning and humming in content as Bucky worked over his cock.

“Fuck…fuck…Steve…please more. I need it…I need it,” TJ moaned, pushing his face into the bed’s sheets.

Steve pulled back, running his fingers over TJ’s ass, digging his fingers into the soft flesh, pulling white lines in his wake. “You wanna do it?” he asked over his shoulder to Bucky.

Bucky paused, cupping Steve’s tip as he looked over at TJ. TJ was looking at him from under those dark eyelashes, his eyes fogged as he savored the tingling pleasure that Steve had just brought him. “You okay with that, TJ?” Bucky asked.

TJ nodded softly into the bed, wiggling his ass. “Fuck me, Bucky. Oh please, _please_ fuck me.”

Bucky’s heart squeezed as he listened to the desperation in TJ’s voice. His voice was hoarse and filled with so much pleasure that Bucky’s cock twitched at the sound. “Mkay, baby,” Bucky said, letting go of Steve’s cock. “Where’s your lube?”

TJ brought up a shaky hand, pointing at the left-side nightstand. “There.”

Steve moved to open the drawer, tossing the lube to Bucky, a proud smile on his face. Bucky rolled his eyes, but he squirted the lubricant onto his flesh fingers.

“No…” TJ said, his voice cracking. “Other one.”

Bucky’s brow raised. “TJ…”

“Please, Bucky? Please fuck me with your metal hand.”

Steve laughed. “I may have told him how it feels…” He rubbed at the back of his neck as a light blush crept into his cheeks.

“You both are sick,” Bucky teased. He scraped off the lube from his flesh hand, coating his metal one instead. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean this bitch after?”

“We can help you,” Steve said, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s shoulder, caressing his sides with his strong fingers.

Bucky crawled onto the bed, balancing on his knees behind TJ and pulling one of his cheeks open, slipping a single, cold digit into TJ’s hole. “Ah! F-fuck, Bucky, fuck yes,” TJ moaned. “S’cold…s’good,” he continued, his voice slurring heavily.

Steve pressed kisses into Bucky’s back, from shoulder to shoulder, dancing his nose between Bucky’s shoulder blades. It felt good, comforting, like Steve was pressing Bucky to go further, letting him know it was okay. Bucky was still nervous. He could do this with Steve easily since Steve’s body could heal faster and was stronger. TJ though, TJ was delicate and smaller. His body was lithe and…normal. Bucky couldn't shake the image of him throwing TJ up against the wall like he'd weighed nothing.

“Bucky...please,” TJ moaned, pushing his ass back against Bucky’s single digit. “Please, it’s good.”

Bucky pumped his finger, slowly a few times, swirling it around inside TJ. He couldn’t feel it, but he had his finger up to the knuckle inside TJ. Steve’s tongue had helped open TJ up easier.

Bucky sighed contently, feeling Steve’s hands explore up his sides, coming to cup his pecs and finger his nipples. “Mmm, Steve,” Bucky said, turning to press a kiss into his blonde lover’s lips. “I love you.”

Steve smiled, nipping at Bucky’s red lips. “I love you too, Bucky.”

Bucky swirled his finger inside TJ, watching as Bucky’s lower back tightened up, but he pushed back against Bucky’s metal finger. “More…” he gasped. “More, Bucky.”

Bucky pulled back, slipping another digit into TJ’s hole, slowly penetrating him, watching for any abrupt twitch of a muscle, or listening for any distressed sound. If he moved too fast, he wouldn’t be able to feel a tear in the muscle or how the muscles responded around his fingers. There was pressure, but it wasn’t strong enough to register any alarm into Bucky. He had to trust that TJ would tell him if it was okay.

TJ moaned, burring his face into the bed, rocking back against Bucky’s fingers, arching his back.

Bucky pumped a bit faster, spreading his fingers inside TJ, still watching for any signs of distress. He felt Steve’s warm lips at his back, kissing his shoulder blades. He felt Steve's fingers as they held against Bucky’s hips, thumbing over the bone affectionately. “You good, TJ?” Bucky asked.

“Mmhmm,” TJ drawled, slamming back against Bucky’s fingers to further prove his point. “They feel so good. So… _fucking_ …good, Bucky.”

Bucky smiled, pleased that HYDRA had given him at least one good thing. He was suddenly the perfect dildo to both his lovers. He scissored his fingers inside TJ, pulling heavenly gasps and soft moans from TJ’s throat. “You’re doing great, TJ,” Bucky cooed, pressing a kiss against the dimple in TJ’s lower back, just above his ass. “You look gorgeous like this.”

TJ laughed softly, turning his face the other way, making eye contact with Bucky through heavy-lidded eyes. “You’re gorgeous,” he breathed out. “Fuck me more, Bucky.”

Bucky listened, slipping a third digit inside, holding his fingers as close together as he could. TJ let out a louder moan, locking up his shoulders and back. Bucky started to pull back but TJ grabbed at his wrist, holding him. “No!” TJ shouted. “No, s’good. Just give me a second.”

Bucky froze, feeling Steve continue to kiss at his back, tracing his tongue down Bucky’s spine, cupping his ass with his large, rugged hands. Bucky rocked back into Steve.

“Keep going,” TJ said softly, turning his head again, pushing it into the bed.

Bucky pushed his fingers deeper, pressing into the knuckle, stretching them out slightly inside, curling and pulling back, creating a loud, _pop_ , as he pulled out. TJ gasped. Bucky pushed back in, repeating the maneuver again. One of TJ’s legs shot out, wrapping around Bucky’s thigh as he started to mumble incoherent syllables and strings of, _yes, yes, Bucky, yes, please, more, more, yes._

Bucky shivered as Steve reached around him, pumping his cock a few times, thumbing over the tip. He pressed a kiss into the back of Bucky’s lower neck, right over the bone that protruded from the spine. “You doing great, Bucky,” Steve whispered. “You’re cute, goin’ all gentle.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but he turned to place a fast kiss at the side of Steve’s mouth. “Learned from the best,” he said, pushing back into Steve’s body.

TJ began rolling his hips quicker, his onslaught of whining and _yes, yes, yes_ continuing as Bucky continued to curl and twist his metal fingers inside him. “Bucky…Bucky fuck me. I want your cock. Please give me your cock,” he whined. “I need it. _Need_ …it.”

Bucky pulled his fingers out, reaching for the lube again, squirting more of the slick into his hand, but Steve was covering his hand with his own, pulling the gel into his palm. “Let me do that, baby,” he whispered against Bucky’s ear.

Steve pumped at Bucky’s cock, coating the slick against him. Bucky shivered, watching as Steve’s hand worked him. He rested his head back against Steve’s chest, listening to his fast heartbeat. “You’re beautiful,” Bucky moaned out softly.

“Yeah,” Steve teased. “I know I am.”

“Punk,” Bucky whispered.

“Jerk,” Steve played back. He pressed a kiss at the base of Bucky’s neck again. “Have fun with him.”

Bucky pushed TJ’s thighs apart, feeling his heart slam against his chest. “You absolutely sure about this, TJ?”

TJ groaned. “Just _fuck_ me, Barnes,” he said with a mild irritation. “I want you deep, _deep_ , inside me.”

Bucky suppressed a moan as he listened to the desperation in TJ’s voice. He loved TJ’s dirty talk. He wondered if he could pull more out of him. He pressed the tip of his cock into TJ’s hole, shivering at how hot TJ was. The muscle clenched around him. “Shit, TJ, you’re so tight.”

TJ moaned into the pillow, arching his back inward.

Steve nipped at Bucky’s shoulder. “Does he feel as good as me?”

Bucky shivered at Steve’s deep, husky voice. He rolled his head back against Steve, looking up at him. “I think he might feel better,” he said through a devilish smile. Steve’s eyes rounded as he sported a look of mock-hurt, but he pressed a kiss into Bucky’s mouth nonetheless.

“Bucky…more!” TJ demanded, pushing back against Bucky’s cock. Bucky pushed forward, feeling TJ’s muscles around his erection, pulling him further into his heated center. “Fuck, Bucky, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” he hissed. “You’re so big. So…fucking…big.”

Bucky laughed, rolling his hips a bit, flirting with TJ’s nerves. TJ gasped, pushing back against Bucky’s cock, swirling his hips. Bucky nearly buckled over at the sensation. “TJ! Oh fuck, TJ!” he breathed out. “Baby, you’re so good at this.”

TJ giggled softly, swirling his hips again. “You fit perfectly,” he mumbled. “You’re perfect in me, Bucky.”

Steve laughed against Bucky’s ear, running his fingers into Bucky’s hair. “You have no idea how hot this is for me right now,” he said.

Bucky craned his neck back, locking his steel-blues with Steve’s ocean-blues. “Cause we look the same?”

Steve nodded sheepishly, pressing a soft kiss into Bucky’s lips. “It’s a sick fantasy of mine.”

“What do we do in your fantasy, Steve?” TJ asked looking back at Bucky and Steve from under those long, dark lashes.

Steve’s brow shot up, as his mouth dropped open slightly. “Uh…”

“Oh come on Steve, I’m balls deep in our boyfriend. Tell us what you want us to do,” Bucky coaxed, nipping at Steve’s neck.

“Really?” he asked.

“Come _on_ , Steve!” TJ protested, rocking back into Bucky’s cock again. “Tell us what you want, baby.”

Steve stepped back, cocking his head slightly to the side. “Flip him over, push his ankles over his head.”

Bucky looked back to TJ. “Can you do that, TJ?”

TJ nodded.

Bucky slipped out, hearing the slick around his cock squelch. TJ flipped over, nestled against the pillows, biting his lower lip. Bucky’s breath caught in the back of his throat as he took in the sight of TJ’s body, with his red, hard cock and agitated elbows and knees. He looked like such a younger version of Bucky and that drove Bucky _mad_ with lust. Bucky was convinced he was the sickest person in the world, but he ignored it for now. “C’mere, baby,” Bucky said, scooting up the bed, picking up TJ’s ankles with his metal hand. TJ winced, most likely from the cool metal, but he relaxed his legs, allowing Bucky to push them over his head.

Bucky pushed his cock back inside TJ. “Holy shit!” TJ screamed. “Holy shit, yes, yes, yes!”

Bucky laughed, rocking his hips more. He could get deeper inside TJ this way. The muscle around his cock spasmed, tightening and relaxing and pushing against Bucky, like it couldn’t decide if this was too much pleasure or not enough. “You like this, Steve?”

Steve nodded.

“What do you want us to do now?” Bucky asked.

Steve licked his lips. Crawling onto the bed and placing soft, deep kisses against TJ’s mouth. Bucky watched as their tongues slipped from their lips, caressing each other’s hungrily, lapping at every glistening strand of saliva. “You okay?” he asked TJ.

TJ nodded. “Feels good, Steve.”

“Rock into him harder, like you do with me,” Steve said.

Bucky smiled darkly. He rolled his body, starting from his shoulders and down into his thighs with exaggerated body rolls, pushing harder and harder into TJ each time till the pressure at his hips became slight, dull pain.

TJ loudly moaned out, rolling his head back as Steve kissed down his chest, licking at his nipples and tugging roughly. “Shit, shit, Bucky, Bucky…holy shit…fuck…holy shit,” TJ mewled, his voice getting higher at the end of each syllable. “Oh God, oh God…ah! Ah!”

Bucky kept up his rolling, hitting TJ’s prostate with each, long thrust. “Mmm, yeah baby, you feel good? You like that, TJ?”

TJ nodded, rattling his brain from the ferocity. “Yeah Bucky, yeah, yeah!” Steve nipped at TJ’s nipple, tugging hard, pulling a heavy gasp from TJ’s lips. “Shit, Steve!” he hissed. “I love you. I love you.”

Bucky watched TJ’s eyes glaze over as ecstasy flared into his face. He watched TJ’s gaze disconnect from the world around him. His hands fell from Steve’s body, dropping to each side of his head.

“You still with us, TJ?” Bucky called.

Steve kissed his lips, biting down on the lower, swollen lip. “Teej? Hey baby, look at me,” Steve cooed. TJ blinked a few times, his eyes focusing again.

“It feels really good,” he gasped. “It’s so good.”

“Let us know if it’s too much, k baby?” Steve asked, pressing a kiss against his forehead. TJ nodded his head enthusiastically.

Bucky rolled in again, pulling a long, howling moan from TJ’s lips. He smiled triumphantly, feeling the muscles of TJ’s ass cling around him, enveloping him, claiming him as part of them now. He moaned, rocking in shorter bursts, hitting TJ’s prostate over and over again, pumping his cock into TJ as if he’d been born to do so.

Bucky watched Steve attack TJ’s shoulder, pulling little red marks to the top of his skin. He’d be covered in hickies by the end of the night… (well, technically morning).

“Harder, Bucky,” TJ moaned. “Please, please, harder, harder.”

Bucky shoved his cock harder, clashing his sac against TJ’s body, making loud smacking sounds. Bucky gasped with each thrust, feeling his stomach heat up as his climax finally built back.

“Ste-eve,” Bucky moaned. “Steve, grab his dick,” Bucky ordered, one eye open as he fought back his orgasm. He didn’t want to come first. He always felt it was a disservice if he came first before his bottom. Usually Steve…  Steve’s body was delicious, warm and passionate whenever Bucky would take him. He’d relish in those delightful hums and Steve’s soft gasps, but TJ…TJ’s body was a damn powerhouse full of tight muscles and mewling, coaxing little moans and gasps that made Bucky’s nerve feel like they were going to explode. Bucky rolled his head back, allowing a groan and a few, _Oh shit, oh shit_ s _,_ to escape his lips.

TJ cried out as Steve did as he was told. He bucked violently against Bucky, his leg muscles tightening as they strained against Bucky’s hand that kept them above TJ’s head. Steve pumped at TJ’s cock, fast and full, slipping his fingers up and down, occasionally spitting down onto TJ’s cockhead to coat it in warm saliva to keep up his speed. “Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!” TJ cried out, getting louder each time. His muscles clenched around Bucky’s erection. His body convulsed underneath Bucky as his orgasm sprayed against Steve’s shoulder and TJ’s torso. It pumped violently, spraying all the way up against TJ’s cheek. “Fuck, fuck! Bucky, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!” he screamed out, his voice tight as he tried not to unravel completely.

Bucky kept thrusting, hard and true, against TJ’s prostate, feeling TJ’s hands grab desperately at his hips, pulling him hard against him, creating those loud, delicious smacking sounds. From TJ's orgasm, his muscles had tightened in waves around Bucky's dick, pushing Bucky over the limit as pleasure washed over his body like a downpour. “Oh shit, TJ! Oh fuck!” he groaned, feeling his seed spray violently into TJ’s hungry opening, warming the boy’s insides with hot, excited cum. His body shook as sweat clung to him, causing him to shiver with a ferocity he didn’t think possible since his body radiated with so much heat.

TJ screamed, smacking Steve’s hand away from his cock as he fought heavily against Bucky’s metal hand to bring his legs down. Bucky pulled out, knowing it was becoming too much stimulation for TJ to handle. He crashed his lips heavily against TJ’s, banging his teeth against the other boy’s. Their tongues fought against each other, swirling and lapping desperately at each other. Bucky growled into the kiss, pulling back. TJ whimpered, but his desperation turned to surprise as Bucky threw his legs over his shoulders. Bucky pushed TJ’s cheeks apart, diving his tongue inside TJ, tasting his seed and pulling it back into his mouth with each curling lap of his tongue. “Bucky! Oh my God, _Bucky_! I can’t…I can’t take it. _Please_ , I can’t take it!” TJ begged, trying his best to pull away, but Bucky ignored him, lapping up the seed that slowly oozed from TJ’s battered hole.

Bucky pulled back with enough cum gathered in his mouth, pushing Steve down onto the bed and leaping on him like a lion targeting its prey. He shoved his seed into Steve’s mouth, hearing the man practically purr under him as their tongues lulled against each other, tasting Bucky’s seed and swallowing it down with tiny little swallows, savoring the heated liquid. He felt Steve pull at his hair roughly, twisting and ensnaring his fingers into the brown locks. “Bucky,” Steve whined, rolling his cock against Bucky’s thigh.

“You want me to touch you, doll?” Bucky purred, flashing a fox’s grin at his blonde lover. Jesus, Steve looked so gorgeous when he got all needy. Bucky loved how Steve would chew at his lips and how those cheeks dusted with the perfect amount of rosy red. Bucky kissed down Steve’s cheekbone, ending at his lover’s swollen lips. “You’ve been so good, waiting so patiently,” he cooed against Steve’s mouth.

Steve licked into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky pulled back, pulling Steve’s legs around him. He looked over at TJ. The boy’s bangs clung to his forehead as he glistened with sweat. He was panting heavily, but he was alert and watching Bucky with tired, heavy-lidded eyes. “You okay TJ?” Bucky asked, erring on the side of caution.

TJ nodded, his limbs still shaking. Bucky felt torn. He needed to pay attention to TJ, but he needed to pay attention to Steve. He’d rocked into TJ’s body harder than he should have. He saw the bruises at the boy’s thighs, and the welts starting to rise on his ankles from where Bucky had held him. He bit his lip, looking back down at Steve’s anxious expression. “Shit…” he breathed out. He pressed a soft kiss against Steve’s lips. “I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered against those luscious, red lips.

Bucky untangled himself from between Steve’s legs, standing up. “Do you need a washcloth or water , TJ?”

Steve whined, but he sat up, his eyes revealing everything Bucky needed to see. Steve was okay with this.

TJ was still gasping for air. His chest rose and fell violently as his limbs still trembled. Bucky walked into the bathroom, naked, to grab a plastic cup of water. He filled the small cup and brought it back over to TJ, sitting next to his head and lifting TJ’s head onto his thigh, directing the water to his lips. “Drink this, baby,” he said softly. TJ took a few sips, his body still heaving.

Steve had rolled over, forgetting about his still-throbbing erection as he began to massage down TJ’s legs, kneading into the trembling extremities flawlessly, like TJ was just a pile of dough. “How you feeling, TJ?” Steve asked, gaze locked on TJ’s face, his lips pressed hard into a line as he stared intently.

“I…” TJ gasped. “I don’t know.”

Bucky ran his fingers through TJ’s damp hair, massaging at the scalp as he used his metal hand to gently glide up and down TJ’s neck, looking at the numerous hickies that were forming. “Do you hurt?” Bucky asked.

TJ just kept wheezing for air.

Steve’s gaze locked with Bucky’s and they shared a momentary, mirrored expression of worry. Steve kept messaging at TJ’s limbs, bringing TJ’s foot into his lap and massaging his thumbs in perfect circles at TJ’s arch. “Do you hurt, Teej?” Steve asked, a bit more pointed.

TJ nodded. Bucky’s heart squeezed. He’d done this. He’d pushed TJ too hard. Bucky’s gaze traveled to the large bruising around his hips and thighs, then up to the red splothces that dotted TJ's neck, shoulders and chest. He’d pushed too hard against him. “I’m sorry, TJ,” Bucky whispered.

TJ shook his head lightly from side to side. “N-no, don’t be,” he whispered tiredly. “Felt good.”

Bucky smiled, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes. He kept running his fingers though TJ’s hair; offering the tiny cup of water with his other. TJ took another sip. “Want any Advil or anything?”

TJ laughed. “Jesus− you fuck like a _train_.”

The trio allowed relieved laughter to fill the room. Steve’s eyes relaxed as he kept massaging at TJ’s legs, now focusing on the other leg, kneading his fingers into TJ’s calf, pulling his fingers along, digging into the muscle, soothing away the shaking.

Bucky leaned against the headboard, still running his fingers through TJ’s hair. “Sorry…” he mumbled.

TJ reached up, grabbing his hand and pulling it to his lips where he placed a kiss on each knuckle. “Don’t be. I liked it. I also like this…so.” He sighed in content, plopping Bucky’s hand back atop his head, as if to suggest Bucky should keep petting him. Bucky laughed, obliging him.

“So…about that Advil?” Bucky suggested. “You should take it for the swelling.”

TJ groaned, but he nodded, stretching in content as Steve kept massaging his legs. “You should also take care of _Steve’s_ swelling,” he teased.

“It’s fine, Teej. I can ignore it,” Steve protested.

TJ scrunched up his face, his eyes glinting with play. "Nope,” he stated simply. “You’ve been amazing. I want you to feel amazing too.”

Bucky had stood up, going over to his bags and pulling out a bottle of Advil. He shook out four pills going back and dropping them into TJ’s mouth. He handed the cup back to TJ, this time the boy held it on his own.

Steve looked to Bucky, his eyes betraying his desire, but he still protested. “I’m fine, really, Buck.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, moving over TJ’s body and pushing Steve onto the bed. “You’ll be fine when I’m done with you,” he purred, running his fingernails down Steve’s torso, watching the red lines rise against his peach skin. Steve had gone half-limp, but it only took a single, wet streak up his cock from Bucky’s tongue to have him throbbing-hard again.

“Bucky…we don’t have too,” Steve gasped out, but his eyes were still betraying him. Bucky ignored him, pushing his fingers into Steve’s mouth to shut him up as he took Steve’s cock into his mouth. He sucked lightly, chewing the tip with the lightest care. Steve gasped, but he sucked Bucky’s fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digits as Bucky worked him from below.

Bucky looked up at TJ, who was sporting the most content grin. He didn’t feel so guilty now, knowing that TJ was coming down from his orgasm and that he was okay. Steve bit down on the tip of his finger, pulling Bucky’s thoughts back to the cock in his mouth.

He slurped up the length, making loud, wet, sloppy noises as he went, humming so that his lips would vibrate over Steve. He wasn’t going to tease Steve. He was aiming just to bring him to an orgasm. Bucky fingered into Steve’s mouth, caressing Steve’s tongue, feeling the tiny taste buds swell at the irritation.

He listened to Steve’s muffled moans and gasps as he kept sucking Steve into his mouth, allowing Steve’s cock to hit the back of his throat, feeling his muscles gag around the tip. His eyes watered as his body fought to push Steve from his mouth, but he held him there, deep-throating him till his stomach churned and he pulled up, swirling his tongue along the ridges of Steve’s cock, tracing the thick, pulsating veins.

Steve’s legs clenched as he bucked up into Bucky’s mouth, moaning around Bucky’s fingers in his mouth. He sucked harder at the fingers, swirling his tongue, tracing Bucky’s fingernails.

Bucky looked up, watching Steve’s face. His brow was furrowed and drool was sliding down his chin. Bucky looked back down, watching the saliva there glisten off Steve’s shiny cock as he pulled up and back down, bringing Steve further into his mouth, covering his teeth with his lips as he sucked hard, still swirling that tongue. He pumped at Steve’s base, feeling the thin skin move with his fingers, up and down, up and down.

Steve started to whine, bucking his hips in the fast rhythm Bucky had set forward. He pushed his head back into the pillows, biting down on Bucky’s fingers as he came into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky lapped up the cum, holding it in the side of his cheek as he continued to slurp at Steve’s cock, allowing Steve to ride out his hastily given orgasm to completion. His fingers were searing from the pain from Steve’s teeth, but he ignored it, continuing to pump up and down till Steve’s body started to relax. He dropped Steve’s limp dick from his mouth, seeing a single, silver strand of saliva and cum connect his swollen lips to the tip of Steve’s penis. He placed a wet kiss atop the slit, careful not to let any of the cum from his mouth drip down.

He slid it around his mouth, relishing how it tasted. Steve had this slightly sweet flavor, like honey that’d been drown out with a bit too much water. He pressed his lips into Steve’s, allowing the cum to filter from his mouth into Steve’s. Steve hummed appreciatively, wrapping his arms around Bucky as the brunette moved to straddle him, feeling his penis drop against Steve’s abdomen. A trickle of semen slid down Steve’s face, glistening from his chin and sliding down further against his throat. Bucky lapped at it, purring as he savored Steve’s flavor. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered against Steve’s throat.

Steve let a small, breathy laugh escape his throat. He swallowed his own seed, bringing his lips back up to taste Bucky. “More,” he whispered. Bucky’s heart squeezed. He loved how Steve had adapted to his fetish. At first, Steve used to be really insecure about it. He’d often asked not to have his own cum inside his mouth, but as time went by and he got more comfortable with his sexuality, he’d started asking Bucky to try it. Bucky was glad Steve even started to get off on it.

“Next time,” Bucky whispered, breaking the kiss momentarily. “I’m gunna make you cum all over my face and lick it off.”

“Promise?” Steve asked, licking at the side of his lips.

“Promise.”

Steve sighed in content, looking over at TJ, furrowing his brow momentarily. “You still good?” he asked.

TJ nodded sleepily. “How do you two just…keep going?” he mumbled.

Bucky laughed. “We’re cheating.” Truth be told, they were cheating. The super soldier serums that ran through their bodies gave them enhanced endurance, otherwise Bucky wasn’t sure how he’d be able to just keep going. Maybe he’d keep going if Steve kept asking him to. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for Steve. Bucky rolled from the bed, grabbing a pair of briefs from his bag and tossing some at Steve. He knew Steve hated sleeping naked.

Steve slipped the briefs on, allowing the waistband to make a loud _thwack_. “You want your underwear?” he asked TJ.

TJ shook his head, finally moving to get under the covers. He scooted into the middle of the bed. “Nope.” He closed his eyes, curling onto his side. “Night sex-hounds.”

Bucky laughed as he pulled up his briefs, walking to the other side of the bed and sneaking in next to TJ. He spooned against TJ, wrapping his metal arm under TJ’s arm and lacing their fingers, holding them against TJ’s chest. TJ hummed in content. Bucky pressed a kiss behind TJ’s ear.

“I love you both,” Steve said. He always said he loved them before they went to bed. Bucky guessed if suddenly the world would end as they fell asleep, Steve wanted to make sure that his lovers knew they were loved; equally. He scooted under the blankets, pressing a kiss to TJ’s nose and wrapping his arm around him. TJ scooted down a bit so that Bucky and Steve were left atop the pillows. Steve pressed his forehead against Bucky’s.

Relaxed and so very warm, Bucky closed his eyes as the dawn of first light started to trickle into the blinds. He’d set aside his worries about his lapse of panic that’d thrown TJ against the wall, or the welts that were forming around TJ’s hips and thighs. They were all okay. They were all still getting used to this and it was okay. TJ didn’t mind. Steve understood. Everything was okay. It was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaa! Yay sex and stuff! I hope that was good. I always feel like it's not good enough.  
> Next time: Steve comes out to the world! 
> 
> I'm running out of gifs! Soon I'll have to expand my horizons and less TJ and more Sebastian Stan! (I'm okay with this....)  
>   
> ^Look at this little shit. X'D  
>   
> ^Mmmm that tongue, though...  
>   
> ^Why are saliva strands so hot to me?!??!
> 
> Here's my tumblr! I'd also like to start taking prompt requests but I've no idea how to even get started. Anyone wanna teach me? I don't understand tumblr (or this site still haha) [Tumblr](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)


	5. Whip Lash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos, comments, bookmarks, tumblr follows, whatever! :) I'm really happy you're enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. :) Keep them coming! I love hearing from you and making friendsssssss =)

TJ could barely walk. With each step into the bathroom he felt his ass sear in pain from the onslaught Bucky had drilled into him last night, he felt the welts at his hips and on his butt cheeks, and he felt the ache in his ankles as the bruising pulsated up his legs with each step. _‘Christ, Bucky fucks like a battering ram.’_ TJ finally stumbled into the bathroom, taking a look at himself in the mirror. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were bloodshot (most likely from the fact that he was craving a line of coke something fierce) and the hickies that were splashed over his shoulders and neck were raised, like they were trying to stretch up to the sun. TJ sighed, accepting he looked, and felt, like utter shit. He hobbled over to the toilet, relieving himself and letting his shoulders relax a bit. He gingerly rolled his neck, feeling the hickies tug against his skin, stinging lightly. He could handle those. He couldn’t handle feeling like he’d just been split in two from ass up. He needed more Advil.

He gingerly walked back into the bedroom, looking at the bed. Bucky and Steve had slid into each other’s arms as he went into the bathroom. TJ couldn’t tell if they were awake or if the need to be so close was automatic for them. His heart lurched as he felt once more pushed aside. They had their own gravitational pull toward each other and TJ…he was just a pretty face, right? He couldn’t possible have the love that these two shared. He knew Steve loved him, but it was different from the love he shared with Bucky. They were two halves of a single soul. TJ was just along for the ride. There was no way he would ever automatically slip into Steve’s arms in the dead of night just because he felt he was alone suddenly.

He opened his drawers, taking out a pair of briefs and some sweatpants. He bit his lip to keep from yelping as pain surged up his backside, splitting into his spine and wrapping around it till it zinged up into his brain. He tossed a black undershirt over his head lazily, not caring to smooth it out. It was a v-neck and was barely hiding the hickies, but at least the ones on his shoulders would be covered.

Gingerly, he opened the door, watching as he closed it, careful not to make any sound. He waddled downstairs, slowly taking each step one by one. _‘Jesus H Christ this hurts!’_

He made his way into the kitchen, seeing his mother and father. They smiled at him, well, before Bud’s brows raised and his mouth dropped open. “Christ, TJ,” he said. “What happened to you?”

TJ laughed. “You don’t wanna know, Dad.”

His mother furrowed her brow, her eyes scanning over his neck. “They play nice with you last night?”

“Mmm,” TJ said, tossing his head from side to side. “If that’s what you wanna call it.”

She sighed, pulling out a bottle of Advil and slamming it onto the kitchen island. “You take this now,” she ordered.

TJ laughed, but he grabbed the bottle, opening it up and shaking out four tablets. He’d need about 800 milligrams to get over the pain he was feeling, he wasn’t even going to lie and sugarcoat it.

“Drink please,” Mom said, handing him a bottle of mineral water.

His dad watched, his eyes flicking back and forth as he tried to follow what was happening in front of him.

“Bud, you don’t wanna know,” Elaine said. “Trust me.”

Dad inhaled deeply, nodding in acceptance. He flicked open the newspaper, looking through the articles.

“Are they still asleep?” Mom asked, grabbing a bowl and walking to get the box of cereal and milk for TJ. “Can you sit?”

TJ pursed his lips, shrugging sheepishly. “I’d rather not…”

“Okay, that’s my cue,” his father said, gathering up his newspaper. “I’ll be in the living room if anyone needs me.”

Mom chuckled. TJ laughed awkwardly. He’d never get over how attentive his mother was when he’d accidently get himself a little more wrecked by a guy than he should have. He knew Steve and Bucky had power behind their thrusts, but Steve had always been so gentle. He didn’t regret it though. Bucky was a god and the way he fucked was brutal, raw and honest and TJ was so turned on by that.

“You’ve got to be careful with them, TJ,” Mom chastised. “If you push yourself too hard for them−”

“Mom,” TJ interrupted, holding his hands up. “I really don’t want your sex advice. Yeah we got a little rough. It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

His mother held his gaze for a moment longer, scrutinizing him. She shrugged, taking an apple from the fruit basket and began walking out of the kitchen. “Be safe, TJ!” she called back.

TJ snorted, rolling his eyes. He poured himself breakfast, filling up the milk till it gently floated the cornflakes of his cereal. He yelped at the sudden pressure at his lower back and someone kissing his head.

He turned his neck, seeing Steve behind him with Bucky turning the corner into view. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” Steve said, his eyes rounding as he looked over TJ, caressing his face. “You okay? You look…”

“Like shit. I know. Mom already said so.”

Bucky scrunched up his face, leaning against the counter. “I’m really sorry, TJ.”

TJ shrugged, taking a bite of his cereal. “I’m not. I liked it. Can we stop now?”

Steve huffed, but he said nothing more on the subject. Bucky still looked like a kicked puppy. It bothered TJ. They didn’t apologize to each other after fucking. TJ had seen the way they’d fuck. They fucked hard and passionately. They weren’t questioning each other’s state of being the next day or apologizing for it. Regretting it was just as bad as it not happening, and TJ needed it to happen. He needed to feel…validated, whether he wanted to verbally admit it or not. He needed to feel like he could keep up with them, or he’d just be left behind.

“Wow, the magazines really love you,” Bucky said as he flipped through a couple of titles, holding them up to Steve. “You’re driving America crazy I guess.”

Steve shrugged. “I wanna come out, Teej.”

TJ almost chocked on his cornflakes. He looked up, wiping his mouth as a line of milk dribbled down his chin. “Steve…”

“I’m tired of this. I wanna take you out on dates. I wanna walk down the street holding your hand. I don’t care what they think. My friends know, and they love you.”

TJ’s gaze flicked to Bucky. He was biting the side of his lip, but otherwise his face was unreadable. TJ had picked up how he was describing things he wanted to do with TJ…and not Bucky. It inflated TJ’s soul. “It could destroy your career.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Please. I’m an Avenger. I’ve got the best job security on the planet. There’s only two super soldiers in existence, and most people don’t believe Bucky’s even alive.”

Bucky snorted. “Oh don’t mind the ghost in the corner,” he said sarcastically. “I wanna come out as alive…and gay.”

TJ dropped his head into his hands, running his hands over his hair roughly. “Jesus Christ, you two…”

“Your mom’s still goin' over my files. She could exonerate me and then I wouldn’t have to worry about that part. I could just focus on…being alive again,” Bucky continued. “Please help us, TJ.”

TJ’s heart swelled. He loved feeling needed. They couldn’t do this without him. They needed him. TJ knew better than most how to handle the onslaught and teeth of the media. He knew how to craft a press release and how to handle barrages of questions and follow ups. They had no idea. They couldn’t do this without TJ. He smiled softly, nodding slowly. “First step, we let Steve come out first. Yours is gonna take longer anyway, Buck.”

Bucky nodded slowly, chewing his bottom lip.

“You don’t have to do this,” TJ said, grabbing Steve’s hands and lacing his fingers into the other man’s. “I don’t care if we hide this.”

“I do care. I love you, Teej. I love both of you and I don’t care who knows it. I’m done hiding this.”

TJ nodded, pulling away and taking another bite of his cereal. “We go on a date then. We let the media go crazy and then we answer their questions after.”

“Go crazy?” Bucky asked, leaning over the island and taking a bite of TJ’s cereal.

“The whole point is to make it look like we don’t care. If we hold some big press release for it, it’s too fragile. We care too much about what others think. We need to look like we don’t care; like it’s nothing to fret about. We field questions later. It…” TJ sighed. “No matter what, you coming out as gay is going to turn the country on its ass. People will love you and support you fiercer, but you’ll be hated by a lot of people who once flew your banner.”

Steve nodded. “I can handle that.”

TJ swallowed, watching Bucky eat more of his cereal. He laughed through his nose. “Get your own bowl, you thief!”

Bucky pulled the bowl back toward him, a devil’s grin on his face. “I think I found one already.”

Steve laughed, going behind the island to grab two bowls and pour the cereal and milk. “So we go on a date? When?”

TJ laughed. “Guy’s gotta ask me out first. I’m classy like that.” He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, fluttering his eyelashes jokingly.

Steve snorted. “You two are disgustingly too much alike.”

“You love us,” Bucky said, pressing a soft peck against Steve’s cheek. He went back to inhaling his cereal. TJ had never seen someone eat so fast.

“TJ,” Steve said, walking around the island again and sliding his fingers down from TJ’s shoulders to his fingers, lacing them together. “Would you do me the highest honor of going on a date with me?”

Bucky laughed. “Dear God , I’m going to spew.”

“You’re just jealous,” Steve shot back playfully.

“I’ve taken you on more dates than I care to even admit,” Bucky shot back, winking.

TJ’s heart sank. Even in this moment, Bucky was commanding the show. He was stealing all the attention and wielding his gravitating presence. TJ’s face soured and he slumped against the island, wincing as pain surged in his behind again.

Steve’s hand was instantly at his back. “Hey, hey TJ, you okay, baby?” Steve cooed.

“Fine,” TJ said bitterly. “We’ll go on a fucking date. I don’t care when. Tonight, tomorrow. Whatever.” He limped out of the room, feeling tears prick the corners of his eyes. He hated this. He was supposed to be the one they needed now. He was supposed to be what brought them into this century, to bring Bucky alive and Steve out of the closet and yet they were still carrying like they always did, both utterly in love with each other and paling around together like TJ didn’t matter; like he was second best. He managed to get into his bathroom, opening one of the drawers and pulling out the bottom to reveal his stash of cocaine. Hating himself, but hating the situation more, he shook out a line, closing one nostril with a finger and inhaling deeply, feeling the blur as the drug seared into his mind, melting into his bloodstream. He stumbled back, bracing himself against the sink with both hands, watching as the room swirled and blurred. This felt good. This felt right. Bucky couldn’t take this away from him. Bucky couldn’t get in the way of cocaine. It was the only thing he had left that Bucky hadn’t touched.

A rapping came at the door, followed by Steve’s gentle voice. “Teej? You okay?”

“I’m fine! Why do you two have to keep asking me that?” he shouted bitterly, spitting the words with as much force as he could. He furrowed his brow, looking down at the small bag of coke. He shook out another line. “Just go away, _please_!”

“TJ, open the damn door,” Bucky said, matching the tone of TJ’s voice. “You’ve got three seconds or I’m opening it for you.”

“Fuck off!” TJ countered. “I don’t need you to be my fucking babysitter!” He snorted up the other line, feeling the room begin to spin quickly. He stumbled back, falling onto the floor heavily. He gasped in pain as his rear protested, sending a _zing_ up his spine.

The door opened before he even had a chance to realize he’d fallen. “Fucking hell TJ!” Bucky sighed out, looking at the bag of coke on the sink.

“Bucky…” Steve said sharply. “That’s not how this gets handled.”

Bucky’s eyes went wide as his mouth dropped. He crossed his arms over his chest. “What, you coddle him? It’s not going to end if you keep sugarcoating this. TJ you could fucking die from this!”

“So what!” TJ shouted. “You’d like that wouldn’t you! You could get Steve back all to yourself!”

Steve sighed heavily, dropping next to TJ and wrapping an arm around him. “TJ, that’s not how he feels.”

“Yes it is! I can _see_ it!” TJ defended, feeling frantic and very cornered. He tried to scoot away from Steve but his ass seared in pain. He hissed, grabbing at his stomach. “Fuck!”

Bucky went to his knees, grabbing TJ’s knees with both metal and flesh hand. “TJ, why do you think this?” he asked gently.

“You couldn’t stand the idea of Steve showering with me last night and you couldn’t stand that he was paying attention to me this morning! I saw it! You had to divert all the attention to yourself!” TJ choked out, feeling the room spin. He grabbed at his head.

“TJ…” Bucky breathed out. “That’s not…that’s not what was happening.”

“Don’t fucking _lie_ to me you shithead!” TJ didn't know if it was the drugs that heightened his suspicions or if they just helped him say how he'd been feeling. 

Bucky recoiled, looking to Steve; their eyes conversed with each other the way TJ hated. He didn’t have that kind of connection with Steve. He couldn’t just look at Steve and hold a silent conversation with him.

“TJ, we’re all in a relationship together. Bucky’s as much yours as he is mine,” Steve said softly, running his fingers through TJ’s hair.

TJ swallowed hard, feeling his throat run dry. He jerked out from under Steve’s gentle caresses, his brow furrowed and his eyes shined with the cocaine. “No,” he said softly, his voice cracking. “I’m an accessory.”

Bucky stood up, going to sit on the bed in an exaggerated huff. TJ rolled his eyes. He watched as Bucky pulled at his shaggy hair with his hands, twisting the strands between the fingers and pulling roughly. He was agitated, good. TJ didn’t care.

“TJ, why are you pushing us away?” Steve asked softly.

“I’m not pushing you away! You’re pushing _me_ away!”

“I just asked you on a date. I want the world to see me hold your hand. Why do you think I’m pushing you away?”

TJ felt tears fall from his eyes, slipping down his cheeks. He sobbed softly. “You never wanted me!” he cried. “It was always Bucky. You always wanted Bucky. The first night we met, you fucked me cause you missed Bucky! Each time we fucked, you’d call out  _his_ name. You’d never say you loved _me_. It was always Bucky.”

Bucky looked up, his eyes boring into Steve with his lips parted. He looked desperate.

“I hate when you call it “fucking,” Steve said softly, pulling TJ gently against his side. He ran his fingers up and down TJ’s arm. “TJ, you asked me to call you “Bucky.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed as he chewed his bottom lip.

“I can’t do this,” TJ said softly. “I can’t keep waiting for the day you two just leave me.”

“We’re not leaving you,” Bucky said from the bed. His voice was smooth, like coffee creamer. “We never had any intentions of leaving you.”

“TJ, we just need to talk about this when you’re _sober_ ,” Steve said.

TJ shrugged Steve off him. “Fuck you. This is who I am, Steve!”

“That’s not true,” Bucky said, standing up and hovering in the bathroom doorway. “You like being doped up on cocaine all the time?”

“I don’t need you _judging_ me, thank you,” TJ hissed.

“Bucky…” Steve said softly. “Just…go downstairs.”

Bucky whined, his legs twitching as he fought the order, but he complied resentfully.

TJ watched Bucky leave the room. He breathed out a heavy sigh. He was so upset with himself. He couldn’t control how he felt. Part of him knew he was being mildly irrational but the rest of him truly believed this. Bucky had warped his way into Steve’s mind last night when it came to taking the shower and Bucky was diverting all the attention to himself when Steve was trying to ask TJ out on a date. He’d taken TJ’s focus away. That’s the kind of person Bucky was. He had that commanding presence and he hated it when he wasn’t getting his way. He always had to be the center of attention. TJ could see it, because he was the same way. He knew Bucky’s tricks, because he’d pull them himself! He huffed out a humorless laugh. Ironic, that he was doing it right now. He’d pushed Bucky away and successfully diverted all the attention from Steve to himself.

“TJ,” Steve said softly, running his hand through his hair and using the other to grab at one of TJ’s hands and lace their fingers together. “You’re scared I’m going to leave you?”

TJ nodded, sniffing.

“I’m not leaving you. I love you. Yeah, I called you Bucky…and I sometimes pretended you were him, but,” Steve paused, his gaze searching TJ’s face. “You’re not Bucky. You may look the same, and you may even sometimes act the same, but you’re entirely different people.”

“I wanna know why I look like him,” TJ said softly. “Jesus, Bucky’s taken everything from me. You, my life, my fucking identity.”

“TJ…”

“I can’t even look at my own face without thinking about him, Steve!” TJ countered, raising his voice. “It’s maddening!”

“You’ve never voiced this before,” Steve stated. “Why now?”

“I’ve spent the last month trying to love Bucky,” TJ answered honestly. “And I’ve been so focused on the idea of making sure we all liked each other that I forgot how much you two loved each other. It’s just been…eating at me. Since we got here.”

Steve nodded. “You don’t love Bucky?”

“N-no, I mean, I just− No. No I don’t. I think he’s hot and I like the way he feels in me, but…no.”

Steve bit his lip, resting his head back against the wall. “Do you think you ever could?”

“I don’t know, Steve. I’ve been trying.”

“Bucky really cares about you. He thinks you’re great. You know, when I first told him about you, the first thing he said was, “So we’re done then?” Steve laughed. “He actually was putting you before himself. He didn’t even know you, but he put you ahead of himself.”

TJ felt his heart squeeze. He sighed heavily, feeling the numbing sensation take over as the cocaine flowed through him.

Steve continued, “When I said that wasn’t happening, he asked if I was breaking up with you. When I said that wasn’t happening, he was the one who proposed this relationship. Said you needed me for different reasons and he needed me for different reasons. I can’t force you two to love each other, but…” he kissed the side of TJ’s head. “But I think you don’t give him enough credit for all that he’s sacrificed for you.”

“Now I just feel like a complete ass,” TJ stated bluntly. Bucky had been willing to give Steve up at first. He’d put TJ ahead of himself and all the history he had with Steve. It made TJ feel so disgusting. He was a vile human, selfish and tainted and he didn’t deserve Steve or Bucky. They were better than him. He was just a mewling, insecure, drug addict.

“Talk to him, please. Bucky’s always been there to take care of me. He wants to take care of you too. He’s been trying so _damn_ hard, Teej. Trust me, I know him better than anyone.”

“I do trust you,” TJ said softly, leaning his head against Steve’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Teej.”

Tj closed his eyes, feeling his heart flutter. He still loved it when Steve used his name when he said he loved him. It brought their relationship outside of the imagination of before when they first started. He’d pretended to be Bucky. He’d let Steve call him Bucky. Perhaps he was being punished for it now, but Steve’s words couldn’t be lies, because Steve never lied. He wore his emotions on his sleeves. Bucky was honestly trying and TJ was just mucking up all his chances. If Bucky didn’t like TJ… If Bucky couldn’t be with TJ, then this whole relationship would crumble. Steve would have to choose and TJ knew with heightened clarity who Steve would choose, and it wasn’t him. “Jesus, I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“It’s okay, baby. I don’t fault you. Me n’ you, we’ve had five months together, but now you’ve had to share with Bucky, and you’re just running to catch up. I know. It’s okay,” Steve cooed, pressing another kiss against TJ’s temple.

“We’ve been together for six months now?” TJ asked. It didn’t feel like it. It still felt like he’d only let Steve fuck him senseless in the back of a limo just a few days ago. So much had happened so fast. Their relationship, always hiding away from the public eye, letting Steve pretend TJ was Bucky…the HYDRA incident, those weeks, almost a month, where Steve had been away with Bucky and now…this. It all happened so fast. Looking at it like this now, TJ realized that he now had history with Steve. Half a year wasn’t a small relationship. Steve wasn’t here because he felt sorry for TJ. He was here because he loved him. It was Bucky who now became the issue, because TJ was damn sure Bucky didn’t love him, just as TJ didn’t love Bucky. He was attracted to him, but he didn’t love him.

“Time’s sure flown by, huh?” Steve asked, playfully nudging his shoulder into TJ.

“It’s terrifying. I’ll be old and dead by tomorrow at this rate…”

Steve laughed. “Stop being so melodramatic. Though you will be thirty-one next week…”

“Ah shit,” TJ said, running his fingers over his face. “Don’t remind me.”

“We should do something for it.”

TJ winced, “Ehh,” he drawled. “It’s kind of a Hammond thing. Parents use it for political shit. Since Mom’s running for president against Ellis, she’ll probably use it as some kind of campaigning spiel.”

“You okay with that? You n’ me could always do something. Just us.”

TJ let out a shaky breath. “I think I’ve pushed Bucky away enough.”

“He’d understand. Just like he understands this.”

TJ ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth. “Maybe me and Bucky could go out? Just us two?”

Steve’s brow raised, his lips parting just slightly. “That’d…that’d probably be really nice.”

TJ’s eyes rounded as he looked over at Steve. This man…this man with his flawless cheekbones, his lush, red lips and those bright blue eyes… He wasn’t real. TJ would always catch himself staring at Steve, admiring his flawless face, those broad shoulders that held so much of the world atop them. TJ allowed a soft smile to play at his lips. “You wouldn’t mind?” he asked sheepishly.

“I’d love if you and Bucky actually went out together. We already know I love you both. It’d be nice if you two could love each other, too.”

TJ nodded. “I’m in a lot of pain,” he finally admitted. “From last night…”

Steve laughed, pressing his lips against TJ’s temple. “Yeah, we were pretty sure that was gonna happen. Bucky was beating himself up over that this morning after you left the room.”

“He was?” TJ asked, blinking innocently.

“I told you. You don’t give him enough credit.” Steve stood up, offering a hand down. Slowly, he helped TJ stand up, careful not to pull at TJ too quick, lest he accidentally upset his injuries. “So, about that date…”

TJ laughed. “Give me five hours. I don’t wanna be high when we go out. You don’t need that.”

“We’re gonna talk about that…not now, but later. With Bucky. This is a serious problem, Teej,” Steve said, his brow furrowed and his jaw tense.

TJ shrugged. “I know. I’d usually offer some dumbass excuse to why I was doing it, but…it’s just a dumbass excuse.”

Steve nodded, swallowing hard. TJ watched Steve’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat. “We can talk about it later.”

TJ felt like a royal ass. He couldn’t deny that he still felt insecure about his relationship, especially now since he’d been so cruel to Bucky, but it’d been comforting to hear what Steve said about Bucky. The fact that Bucky had been the one to propose the polyamory in the first place was oddly…comforting. If it hadn’t been for Bucky, maybe TJ wouldn’t even be in this position right now. He’d probably be dead. That was a sobering thought. He honestly would probably be dead without Steve and Bucky.

He exited the room with Steve at his back. He took the stairs slowly, feeling Steve’s hands supporting him at his sides as he winced down the stairs. He was expecting a joke, but none came, perhaps Steve was too far into his own head as well.

Bucky was in the living room. Elaine and Bud were both gone. He was at the piano, hitting the keys aimlessly, creating a song that had no rhythm or flow, but it was sad. He looked up, his brow rising in apprehension, pulling together a bit, making him look like a lost puppy.

“I’m…I’m really sorry, Bucky,” TJ said. “Jesus, I’m so sorry. I…I don’t know. I’m stupid,” TJ said, looking at his feet.

“You’re not stupid, TJ,” Bucky said. “It’s okay to be scared.”

TJ huffed through his nose, but he didn’t respond. Bucky was just as unreal as Steve. They were gods walking among men and for some damn reason, they thought it was a good idea to deal with TJ and all his baggage.

Bucky stood up, walking over to TJ, grabbing his elbows gently and placing a kiss between his eyes. “It’s okay,” he said again.

TJ nodded softly, but he felt too ashamed to speak. The cocaine was still buzzing through his system, rubbing his nerves raw so he wasn’t sure if he wanted to break down and cry because of that, or because of how unreal Bucky Barnes was. If the tables were turned, TJ was damn sure he wouldn’t be so patient.

“So,” Bucky said softly, but his tone was happier. “You two are gonna go on that date, yeah? Where you taking Steve?”

TJ looked up, his eyes rounding. He saw the soft smile grace Bucky’s curved lips. He watched those stormy-blues shine with rays of light. He was trying to move on. He was trying to get TJ to move on. All TJ wanted to do was wallow away in misery and embarrassment. “Probably a nice restaurant?”

“Will it have valet parking? Photographers? You gonna make him get mobbed?”

TJ’s first instinct was to shove back the questions with a, “Why do you care?” but he didn’t. He knew why Bucky cared. Bucky cared, because he cared for Steve _and_ TJ. He was doing his best to divert the situation, to show that he was beyond what had happened. TJ hated himself. He’d never be that mature or that understanding. He’d never be that kind or welcoming. Bucky was trying so hard and TJ was just drowning where he stood. He couldn’t hold a candle to Bucky’s determination.

Steve sat on the sofa, lightly chuckling. “I’d rather not get mobbed, but I’m letting TJ call all the shots.”

TJ smiled sheepishly. “Not mobbed. Maybe a few cameras though. Gotta plant the seeds.”

Bucky gently pulled TJ over to the sofa. He sat down, pulling TJ down between him and Steve. TJ gasped from the pain. “I’m sorry I hurt you last night.”

TJ rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. It’s just sore. I’ll heal.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. He looked to Steve for some kind of unspoken reaffirmation. TJ looked to Steve, watching his eyes convey those unspoken words right back at Bucky. He’d never share that. He wished he could.

“Your mom said she’s pretty sure I’ll be exonerated. Said I’ll have to go to a private tribunal though.”

“What?” Steve asked, his brow knitting tightly. “A tribunal? Is there a chance they’d charge you?”

Bucky laughed. “No. Not anymore. She’s pretty convinced with the evidence we got. It’s not a trial. No attorneys. Just high ups talking about it and Elaine’ll be there. If they decide otherwise, then I get a trial.”

Steve’s face didn’t relax. His gaze lingered on Bucky, a desperation boiling behind those eyes. TJ was awestruck by the expression. There was so much concern, so much adoration and love. He leaned over, kissing Steve’s lips softly before he even realized what he was doing. Steve responded to the kiss, kissing back softly, but it was reserved. TJ was interrupting them. Bucky had a genuine life-threatening concern and TJ was doing exactly what TJ had accused Bucky of doing previously. TJ was a hypocrite. He pulled back, biting his lip, feeling his vision blur from how fast he’d recoiled.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“For kissing your boyfriend?” Bucky retorted. “I thought that’s what we did?”

TJ felt his cheeks heat up. “N-no I mean cause…nevermind.”

Bucky pressed a soft kiss against TJ’s cheekbone. “You’re okay,” he whispered against TJ’s face. He kissed him again before pulling back.

“But you’re sure it’ll be okay?” Steve asked, diverting the subject back to Bucky.

TJ closed his eyes. Bucky really was a godsend. It pissed him off how…stupid he’d been since they got back to D.C. Those days when Bucky and Steve were off on their mission, TJ had nothing but the empty bed and his thoughts. Of course he’d allowed his insecurities to run rampant and poison his mind. He was good at that…

“I’m hopeful?” Bucky offered, shrugging. “Won’t know till the tribunal.”

“When is it? Can I be there?” Steve asked anxiously.

“I’m sure you can. We can talk to Elaine about it later,” Bucky responded. He reached out, running his fingers lazily through Steve’s hair. TJ ducked a bit, trying to get out of the way, but his ass protested too much movement. “But we should probably draw TJ a bath now.”

“W-what?” TJ squeaked. He cocked a brow. He’d been trying to not be intrusive, at least for the last five seconds…

Bucky rolled his eyes. “You’re in pain. I made it that way. I’m going to try to fix it,” he said smiling. “That okay?”

TJ nodded. Bucky stood up, offering a hand back to TJ. He eased TJ up, jerking his head in the direction of the stairs. “C’mon, Stevie.”

The triad entered their bedroom. Bucky went to warm the water up while Steve slowly helped TJ out of his clothes. TJ hissed and winced as he was lowered onto the bed, but Steve gently pulled his pants off. TJ didn’t like this. He didn’t like feeling so weak when they were so strong. He was weak though. He could barely get through a day without thinking about coke, or snorting coke, or picking a fight… He also didn’t like being so naked in front of them when they were fully clothed. He felt like they could pick out all his flaws and he’d be helpless but to accept this scorn. Steve helped him up silently, offering a small, crooked smile and a soft kiss to the nose.

Bucky sat on the lip of the tub, waiting as TJ put one leg, and then the other in, easing himself slowly down, he rushed more than he should have, earning a searing jolt of pain as he bit his lip. He allowed a whine to escape the back of his throat by accident. Bucky had caught it and winced in response.

Steve stayed at the other side of the tub, sitting there and leaning against the wall. “Water warm enough, Teej?”

TJ nodded. “This is…awkward,” he stated.

Bucky laughed. “Why?”

TJ shrugged, shivering as the warm water caressed against his skin, soothing his aching body. “I don’t know. Both of you hovering over me while I’m naked in a tub.”

“You feel better if we were naked?” Steve asked.

TJ laughed. “Probably.”

Bucky instantly pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. “You should get in the tub with him, doll,” he directed at Steve.

Steve didn’t question Bucky’s suggestion. TJ watched in mild amusement as Steve stripped down. He scooted down in the lion claw tub, making room for Steve to sit back.

The water sloshed a bit as Steve entered the tub, pulling TJ back into him gently, massaging his shoulders. “This okay?”

TJ moaned lightly. “Oh fuck yeah.”

“Give me your foot,” Bucky said, reaching in and gently pulling TJ’s foot above the water, resting it over the tub’s lip. He began massaging it lightly. The feeling of metal and flesh was interesting. The metal hand tickled TJ a bit but the flesh one would soothe the feeling away. It was nice.

“I’m not…I’m not a broken doll,” TJ said softly. “You don’t always have to do this.”

Bucky laughed. “I like doing this. Just ask Steve about all the stuff I’ve done for him.”

TJ craned his neck, meeting Steve’s gentle eyes. “I used to get sick a lot. Bucky would haul in boiling water into our bedroom when we didn’t have any warm water in the bathroom so I wouldn’t get bloody noses when it was too dry and cold outside. He’d spend his money on my medicine even if it meant he couldn’t afford food that week.”

TJ’s brow twitched. “Jesus,” he said softly. “I don’t know… I just…still feel weird.”

“You’ve gotta let people take care of you, TJ,” Bucky said, still massaging at his feet, but he was moving up to his ankles now, being careful to not agitate the welts much. “That’s part of healing from all this.”

“I told him we’d talk about it later, not now,” Steve said, nipping the conversation at the bud before it could begin.

Bucky nodded, shrugging lightly. He continued to massage up TJ’s shin.

“I still feel like a baby,” TJ said, sinking into the water a bit.

“So?” Bucky responded. “I’d love to be pampered by two extremely good looking men that I cared about more than the whole world.”

TJ couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his lips. The cocaine may have caused his eyes to look overly dreamy, but he was pretty sure he was happy not because of the drugs, but because of Bucky’s words. Bucky cared about him. He honest to God cared about him, despite TJ’s selfish recklessness and destructive behavior. People like Steve and Bucky didn’t exist… It was hard for TJ to swallow.

Steve kissed the back of TJ’s head, running his fingers up and down TJ’s arms under the water. TJ leaned back, closing his eyes. He enjoyed Bucky’s gentle ministrations at his foot, and Steve’s caresses were calming. He didn’t feel so exposed with Steve in the tub with him and Bucky shirtless. Everything they were doing, they were doing for TJ. So why did TJ protest and try to find excuses that would push them away? Was he just trying to make them leave so he didn’t have to feel the utter heartbreak later when they finally _did_ decide to move on? After TJ had already fallen so in love with both of them? The thought of giving himself completely to Bucky as he already had with Steve…it would destroy him if they left him. Trying to push Bucky away had been the only way to really protect himself. Was that what he’d been doing? He hardly understood his own actions, he just understood his feelings. He was scared. He didn’t want Steve to leave him. He didn’t want either of them to leave him.

“You feeling a bit better?” Steve asked.

TJ nodded, twisting his body so Bucky could get at his other foot.

Bucky laughed, but he took the other foot and began massaging it as well.

“When my ass isn’t feeling like it’s been set on fire…I want to have sex in the tub,” TJ stated, completely seriously.

Bucky and Steve shared a look before they both started laughing. “Whatever you want,” Steve responded, kissing the side of TJ’s face numerous times.

“I mean, this is hot. I think that’d be hot too!”

“You’re quite literally wounded and you’re still thinking about sex,” Bucky laughed out. “You’re astonishing.”

“I’m a thirty-year-old gay man. I only think about sex.”

Bucky clicked his tongue, furrowing his brow and shaking his head mockingly. “Stereotyping!”

They all chuckled lightly. TJ rest his head back against Steve’s collar bone, looking up at the showerhead. He could fall asleep like this. The warm water was soothing as it enveloped him like a soft cocoon, Bucky’s massaging was magical and having Steve so close made everything so much better. The coke in his system made him feel like he was inside a cloud. He felt lighter, like he was soaring with Steve and Bucky. He giggled, thinking on the sensation of flying high atop the clouds, being lighter than a feather.

He saw the concern flash in Bucky’s eyes, but Bucky said nothing, he just kept massaging up TJ’s shin. They sat in silence for a long time, leaving TJ to his thoughts. He’d messed up. He’d seriously messed up and he’d have to figure a way to make it up to Bucky- and Steve. His heart squeezed as he thought about what they were going to do tonight. Steve didn’t truly understand what was going to happen. TJ was sure he thought he did, but it wasn’t real yet. Once Steve was out, he could never hide it again. He’d never be called a superhero ever again− he’d be called a gay superhero. He would be branded. Gay love. Gay superhero. Gay man. He’d never be a man again. TJ knew. TJ knew that once you got the gay card and were open to the world, no one with a closed mind saw you as a man first. They saw you as gay first. Steve would be seen gay first before anything else, no matter the good he’s done for the world. It wouldn’t matter anymore. TJ sighed, staring at the showerhead still, his mouth drooping open as he recoiled further and further into his mind. Once Steve was out, the next step was deflecting the hate. It would all be about protecting Steve’s image or forming a completely new one. Steve had been in the media, but he’d never been crucified by it. He’d be crucified for it now. He’d be strung up like a media circus for the stupidest reasons; all because he loved another man, well, men.

“You sure you want to do this tonight? You can’t stop it once it starts,” TJ said.

Steve pressed a kiss to the back of TJ’s neck. “Yes,” he said against his skin. “I don’t care what they say. I can handle it.”

TJ snorted. “I thought I could handle it too… Now look at me.”

Bucky furrowed his brow, but he remained silent.

“I want this, TJ,” Steve said, wrapping his arms around TJ’s middle. “I don’t care what happens. I want to be able to walk down the street holding your hand. Yours and Bucky’s.”

TJ nodded, closing his eyes. He’d do his best to protect Steve. He’d reach out to Susan Berg, he’d do his best to utilize his Instagram, his Twitter, whatever he could to gather support and hopefully he could drown out those who’d threaten Steve. He wanted to prove to them he could protect them as much as they could protect him.

* * *

 

 TJ checked himself in the mirror for the twelfth time, or perhaps was it the fifteenth? He touched up his hair, making sure no strand was out of place as it was slick back and casually tossed to the side. He’d accidently made himself look more like World War II era Bucky Barnes, but he liked the classic look on him. He cleaned up nicely. Now if he could only get his fingers to stop shaking from nerves and withdrawal, he’d be set! 

Bucky leaned against the bathroom door, looking TJ up and down. “You look gorgeous,” he stated.

TJ smiled awkwardly. Despite things seeming okay on Bucky’s side, TJ was still an emotional roller coaster. He’d been more than just rude, he’d been downright disgusting toward Bucky and he couldn’t hide his insecurities about how threatened he was by Bucky at this point. They all knew how TJ really felt now and yet Bucky was still here, still trying… TJ really admired that. “Thanks,” he said stiffly. He looked back in the mirror, deciding to redo his tie. TJ’s hands shook violently as he struggled with redoing the knot. He huffed in frustration.

“Let me do that?” Bucky asked.

TJ stood back, gesturing for Bucky to help with the tie.

Bucky’s fingers worked the tie expertly. He smoothed it out quickly, and then went to dust off TJ’s shoulders, more of a gesture than anything actually being there. “You look great. Stop fussing.”

“I’m nervous for Steve,” TJ answered, gaze darting to his black, polished shoes.

“There’re lots of people openly gay though?” Bucky offered. “People in Hollywood are coming out all the time. I heard even a basketball player has come out? It’s not illegal. Time’s are way better for him to come out now than back during the war.” Bucky licked at the side of his mouth. “Besides, he’s not gay. He likes women too.”

“But he’s with two men…” TJ countered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Two men who may as well be the same person,” Bucky offered, flashing a small grin. “Man’s got a type, huh?”

“Tell me about it,” TJ said, sighing heavily. He looked back in the mirror, but Bucky grabbed his shoulder, pulling him away from his reflection. TJ’s gaze snapped to Bucky’s face, his eyes going round in surprise as his mouth dropped a bit. Bucky had longer hair, his eyes were haunted and he had more crinkles atop his forehead and his eyes, but he was TJ. Sometimes TJ would forget, just for a second, how similar they looked. Sometimes it’d be all he obsessed about. It depended on his mood, frankly.

“You look fine, stop it,” Bucky said gently, but his eyes were dark.

“Do you wish you were going with us?” TJ asked. Part of him wanted to hear Bucky’s jealousy, but the other part knew he was being so selfish and entirely foolish.

“Nope. Ain’t my thing honestly.”

“Going on dates?”

“Going out to make a point,” Bucky corrected. “I used to like going out to just have fun. Flirt with Steve, dance with a few girls, whatever. Not my style anymore.”

TJ’s face scrunched up as he saw the pain flow into Bucky’s eyes, hardening them like cement drying in the sun. Sometimes TJ would forget all that Bucky had truly being through. He’d see it in the way Bucky acted, the small twitches when people would turn to him, how Bucky always checked the exits before he’d enter a room. TJ would toss it casually to the side, but that’d been a disservice to Bucky. Bucky was suffering. Every day he had to deal with what he’d done in the past, despite it not truly being his will, but it was there. He’d have to get up every day knowing what HYDRA had done to him; the experiments, the torture, the complete and total breakdown of a human into an object to be moved at will. He’d been a puppet. TJ didn’t think he could ever come back from something like that. It’d destroy him. Bucky was so much stronger. It was another reason why TJ didn’t know why Steve stuck around him. He didn’t have that kind of resolve. He was sand on a beach, being knocked around and eroded to oblivion. Bucky was a glacier, slowly persevering, always moving forward, just slowly.

“You gonna be sober tonight?” Bucky asked.

TJ’s brow furrowed as he suppressed a snarl. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Bucky bit the side of his lip. “Because it’s a lot of pressure and you’ve shown that you crumble under pressure? It’s not meant to be an insult, it’s just an observation.”

TJ huffed, wincing in disbelief. “So what, you came up here to pretend to be nice just to shove that at me?”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open as he shifted his weight. “I came up here to check on you! Steve’s been waiting with your mom for the past half hour!”

“So why didn’t he come up here?” TJ countered, gesturing to the door with his hand angrily.

“He’s talking about the tribunal with her! Jesus, TJ, don’t you ever consider that I give a shit about you?”

TJ’s resolve stumbled. He’d done it again. He closed his eyes, his brow knitting as he exhaled a long sigh. “I’m− Bucky, I’m sorry.”

Bucky nodded in acceptance, rolling his lips in. “Don’t worry about it. You’re nervous, s’all.”

“I’m a dick to you. I don’t know how you put up with it,” TJ said, scooting by Bucky and back into the bedroom. He grabbed his suit jacket. “That stunt I pulled earlier−”

“Let’s not talk about it right now, k?” Bucky interrupted. “We’ve got some shit to deal with, yeah, but right now it’s about Steve. As long as we’re square? For now?”

TJ laughed. “Square? Who says that anymore?”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Alright wise guy, make fun of me all you want.” He pulled TJ into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around TJ’s middle. TJ returned the hug, burring his face into the crook of Bucky’s neck. His nose tickled from Bucky’s hair, but he did his best to ignore it. 

“We’re _square_ ,” TJ replied, allowing a coy smile to play at his lips.

Bucky nodded, guiding TJ out of the bedroom. “C’mon, don’t want you late for your date.”

“That rhymed,” TJ laughed.

“It was intentional,” Bucky winked.

Steve was on the sofa, sitting rather relaxed with one leg tossed over his knee as he shook his ankle absent-mindedly. He had a glass of scotch in one hand, most likely for flavor over anything. TJ’s mother was sitting on the other side, laughing at something Steve must have said.

“TJ!” Mom called out. “You look so handsome.” Her eyes twinkled in approval. TJ couldn’t hide the ear-to-ear grin that spread across his face.

“So!” Bucky said. “You two behave, and be home no later than midnight. I’m gonna be waiting up…”

Steve laughed. “Of course you are, Buck.” He kissed Bucky on the side of the face. Bucky pressed a hand into his chest, leaning into the kiss. TJ allowed a ghost of a smile to settle against his lips as he watched their interactions. It was so light, yet those soft interactions were the world to these two. They meant the world to each other. TJ was sure he didn’t mean the world to Steve and he was damn sure he didn’t mean the world to Bucky…but they were trying. He had to get that into his thick skull. They were trying to let him into their world. Bucky had made that decision even before he’d met TJ.

“Ready, Teej?” Steve asked, offering out his arm for TJ.

TJ nodded, grabbing Steve’s arm, allowing Steve to lead him from the house. Bucky offered a soft wave as TJ’s mother stood next to him, looking as if she was more than okay with this situation. TJ was glad. He didn’t care for most people’s approval (though some would argue he cared too much) but he cared greatly for what his mother thought of him.

* * *

 

They’d arrived at the restaurant, already being greeted with a couple of photographers who took more than enough pictures as they saw Captain America holding hands with TJ Hammond. No questions were asked, to TJ’s relief as they walked inside the ritzy restaurant, going up to the podium with the host.

They were seated immediately, the perks of being high profile (and making reservations…). Steve ordered a nice cabernet sauvignon as the waitress approached, smiling excitedly as she realized who was in her section. TJ sat back, watching as Steve expertly said the French name of the wine. Steve spoke French though, so why TJ was impressed was honestly beyond him. He just was. This man had become TJ’s entire world. He could look at Steve’s face and forget that anyone else was in the room. He could watch Steve’s shoulders rise and fall softly as he breathed and he’d find himself in a trance. It honestly pained TJ to think like this, but he loved when it was just the two of them. Bucky was…hard to explain. TJ liked Bucky. TJ found him sexually appealing and overly attractive, but Bucky plagued TJ with self doubt and he was always comparing himself to the man. Why TJ went so back and forth on Bucky was beyond him. He could rationalize with himself and say that Bucky wasn’t malicious, that Bucky was honest and genuine and for the most part, rather kind; but TJ would eventually cross it off the second Bucky did something with Steve that TJ wasn’t in on, or how they’d have those silent conversations, or their missions… their powers.

“TJ?” Steve asked, cocking a brow. “You okay?”

TJ’s eyes rounded as wide as a doe’s as he realized he’d been caught. He laughed sheepishly, scratching at his nose. “I’m just…this is unreal. It’s a lot easier than I thought it’d be.”

Steve smiled. He was about to say something when the waitress came back with the wine. She poured two glasses then placed the bottle on the table for them. “May I get you anything else? An appetizer or bread?”

“Bread please,” TJ said. “It’s addictive.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll take your word on it.”

The waitress moved swiftly away, stopping at another table and chatting idly with the guests as she took their orders before going in the back to grab their bread. She came back a few minutes later, placing it down and smiling. “Anything else for now?”

“Not yet, still haven’t decided on something,” Steve said warmly, offering her his token Captain America smile. She nodded and went to assist another table.

TJ reached over, grabbing Steve’s hand. “You’re an amazing person.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Getting sappy on me already? You haven’t even downed one glass yet!”

TJ laughed, recoiling his hand. “Fine, fine! I’m just…proud of you. I mean, I’m terrified for you, but I’m also proud.”

Steve nodded, inhaling deeply. “Yeah, it’s a bit scary, now that it’s happening. I’m more concerned about all the people taking pictures with their phones over reporters though…” Steve looked around the room, bobbing his head as if he were counting the people attempting to hide their phones as they snapped pictures.

“They’ll probably just put it up on Facebook or Instagram. Reporters for conservative or republican outlets are going to be the biggest issue. Democrats will applaud you, considering I'm the son of a democrat. Anything with traditional religious outlets as well may also put a word in about how you’re going to Hell now or something, but, whatever. I can take the religious criticism. It hurts when political opinions get tossed around.” TJ thumbed his glass, staring at the deep red wine. “Your opinion gets belittled because you’re different, or…messed up.”

Steve’s brow was lightly furrowed as he listened intently to TJ’s words. His arms were resting against the table. He looked to be following and processing each and every word TJ spoke. It was nice; to feel so validated, to feel like what TJ was saying actually mattered.

“When you’re gay and a coke addict, people tend to stop listening to what you think.”

“That can’t all be true though,” Steve countered, taking a sip of his wine. “You’ve got people rallying behind you. You’re an extremely influential gay rights activist. You’ve got, what’re they called? Followers?”

TJ laughed. “Yeah, on Instagram and Twitter. They’re just silly websites though. I manly just post stupid selfies or “Oh hey look what I’m doing today!”

“But your “stupid” selfies could be helping some kid realize that they’re not alone. That you’ve gone through it and they can too.”

TJ nodded, huffing lightly. “Yeah, maybe. I guess I’m just cynical.”

“No? _Really_?” Steve sarcastically responded, his brow rising as he allowed a taunting smile to grace his lips.

“Oh shut up!” TJ kicked him lightly under the table. Steve saw a lot more in TJ than TJ had realized. He’d never had to really question himself when they’d first started dating. TJ had Steve and Steve alone. He wasn’t sharing him and thus…he didn’t feel like he was competing. Steve had been supportive, trying to help TJ get off the drugs and hung out around the club, but they’d never really had deep discussions like this, about what TJ was able to do for the world. TJ just…knew Steve could do so much− that he had done so much. TJ felt like an ant next to a giant. Maybe he wasn’t so small. It was different. Steve could literally save the world, but maybe TJ could save a single person… He’d been through it all, drugs, abusive relationships, thinking he was littler than nothing, he could perhaps relate to someone out there, be the reason they’d decided to still keep breathing the next day… Maybe that’s what TJ was meant to do?

“Are we ready to order?” the waitress asked, her eyes scanning over Steve. TJ smiled, feeling rather proud at the moment. She knew exactly who they were and she’d been a wonderful waitress so far, nice, professional… TJ admired that. He’d been out many times where people had lost their composure around famous people, be it him or some Hollywood star. He always admired the people who took their jobs just the tiniest bit more seriously when they admired the person they were serving or assisting.

“Uh, yeah,” Steve said, shrugging. “You know what you want?”

TJ hadn’t looked at the menu, but frankly, he didn’t need to. He’d picked this restaurant for a reason. “Mushroom lasagna with extra parmesan and a garden salad?”

The waitress scribbled down the order. “Guys in the back had a running bet on if you’d order your usual or not.”

TJ laughed. “Seriously? Can I get in on this bet?”

Steve chortled.

“If you switch up your meal, I win fifty bucks…” the waitress said, her brown eyes flashing with the unspoken request. She had guts. TJ liked her.

“You know what…” TJ said, offering his best smile. “I’m feeling adventurous tonight. I’ll still take that garden salad, but I’ll try the chicken scallopini?”

“You’re the most amazing person ever,” the waitress said, writing down the order, a wide grin on her lush lips. She was pretty.

“You hear that, Steve? I’m the most amazing person ever,” TJ joked, his eyes sparkling from the natural high he was getting from this. He’d been so nervous. He’d expected reporters to bust in or suddenly see picket signs and slinging tomatoes. This was easy…so far. The media would be another story.

“Eh…I think she’s pulling a fast one on you,” Steve teased.

“No!” she protested. “I would never!”

“Order your food, old man,” TJ teased back, taking a bite of the bread on the table.

“Beef parmesan with garlic angel hair pasta, please,” Steve ordered. “And the lobster bisque?”

“Sure thing, Captain,” she responded. TJ loved the way Steve’s face lit up as she addressed him. “Thank you both for being amazing.”

“You caught us on a good night,” TJ said lightly. “We’re usually quite unpleasant.”

The waitress laughed. “Oh I’m sure you’re intolerable,” she shot back as she walked away.

“See, she thinks you’re intolerable. I knew she was lying!” Steve laughed, breaking off some bread for himself.

TJ flicked a piece of bread at Steve’s face, causing the man’s mouth to drop in a look of mock-surprise.

“We are at a nice restaurant and you’re flinging food!” Steve exclaimed. “Intolerable!”

“I’m going to smack you,” TJ giggled, relaxing into his chair a bit. His ass still hurt from last night. This was nice though. It’d been so tense back in the house with the mission for Bucky and the talk of the tribunal, TJ’s unfortunate…lesser moments. It was nice to just have Steve again like this. TJ hated how his stomach sank as he thought about returning home to Bucky, knowing he’d have to share Steve again. He honestly hated that he felt this way. Bucky hadn’t done anything wrong. TJ was sure it’d all been in his head. Bucky wasn’t a bad guy. Bucky was quite the opposite of a bad guy, another superhero hiding away in the shadows. Maybe it was because TJ loved Steve more than anything, but he knew Steve loved Bucky more than anything… Maybe there was just the smallest bit of resentment when he knew he’d always be the second best in Steve’s eyes, when TJ was putting Steve up on a pedestal and practically worshipping him. Maybe that was it. TJ assumed it was the best guess as any.

“You’re facial expressions are going to give me whiplash,” Steve cut into TJ’s thoughts.

TJ looked up from the bread he was picking at. “Oh…sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About…?”

“It’s silly and overly romantic. You don’t want to hear it.”

Steve scoffed. “Nothing you have to say is silly to me.”

“Oh my God!” TJ protested. “You are the biggest cheese on the planet!”

“The what?” Steve asked, jerking his head back.

“Sap, you ding-dong.”

Steve laughed. “You’re feisty tonight.”

“I’m having a good time. It’s been awhile since I had a really good time like this,” TJ answered, the smile on his face fading into a serious, more vulnerable look.

“Yeah, being cooped up all the time in one house or the other kind of gets old, huh?”

“I went to the club when you and Bucky were on your mission,” TJ stated. “I’ve just been up in my head for too long.”

Steve grabbed TJ’s hand, looking intently into his eyes. “We’re going to help you. Me and Bucky.”

TJ pulled back, not liking where the conversation was turning. He pursed his lips, shrugging. “Yeah, let’s table that for now.”

Steve nodded. “Whatever you want, baby.”

The rest of the night went about as well as Cinderella’s night with the prince. The waitress had eventually asked for Steve’s autograph, which he happily signed. They both even took a selfie with her. After they’d enjoyed their meal, they left a rather sizable tip and a small thank you written on the receipt. They both signed it. As they were leaving, many more paparazzi had filtered around. Perhaps word of mouth caught that TJ was spotted with Captain America. A few questions were thrown their way, but Steve didn’t answer a single one, he just grabbed TJ’s hand and laced his fingers tightly. TJ felt like he’d been flying. They’d gone to a small gelato parlor closer to the Hill. No photographers to be found. TJ took a few pictures for his Instagram of the gelato and Steve sporting a rather hilarious face as he held up a bite to eat. TJ figured he’d need to start stocking up on pictures to counter the hate Steve was going to face eventually. He’d rather show Steve the thousands of comments of support and hide the news programs and scour the newspapers to omit whatever he had to. Part of him knew that was selfish (though his family had done that for him). Steve would have to embrace both the love and dedication and the hatred. It was unfortunately all part of coming out as a high profile person. Still, TJ wanted to encase Steve in a protective blanket of positivity and combat all the demons away for Steve.

* * *

 

They’d arrived home, around eleven. Bucky was alone on the couch watching TV. No one else appeared to be home. He offered a tired smile as the pair came in. Steve instantly went over to the sofa, curling up into Bucky’s arms and kissing his neck and face a few times. TJ didn’t want to feel like it was an apology for being away from Bucky, but that’s how he saw it. He took off his shoes, holding them in his hands as he walked into the living room.

“How was it?” Bucky asked, caressing his fingers though Steve’s hair, pulling soft hums from the man.

“Was nice,” Steve mumbled. “I enjoyed it.”

TJ nodded, sitting in the armchair. “Yeah we had a good time.” He pulled out his phone, searching for hashtags that pertained to Captain America or himself. They were already trending on social media sites, mostly people being excited they saw them out, some expressing enthusiasm if they were on a date. TJ smiled softly, looking at the pictures that people took at the restaurant that started to filter around the internet like flames atop kerosene engorged wood. TJ decided he’d post his picture of Steve at the gelato parlor on his Instagram tonight. They weren’t trying to hide this. It was part of the plan, so, it was okay to do this right? He still felt like he was putting a nail into Steve’s coffin. Then there was the whole Bucky side to the story… TJ sighed. He uploaded the picture, captioning it with, “And here’s Captain America…aka Captain Dork Face.”

He tucked his phone away, watching Steve’s eyelids droop as Bucky continued to run his fingers through his hair. They fit like puzzle pieces, Bucky as Steve’s actual shield, despite the one he brought into battle. TJ wanted to be part of that shield. He wanted to be able to give Steve the comfort and protection that Bucky offered.

“Someone’s sleepy,” Bucky chuckled. “Wanna go to bed, sug?” He kissed the top of Steve’s head.

“Mhmm,” Steve responded. “Carry me.”

TJ laughed thinking that wasn't going to happen, but as Bucky maneuvered out from under Steve, TJ's smile vanished with a look of shock. Bucky allowed Steve to climb atop his back. It was like Steve weighed nothing. It was like his biceps, his shoudlers and abs didn’t exist. Bucky had lifted from the ground like he was carrying a child. TJ’s mouth went slack.

“Coming, TJ?” Bucky asked as he started walking out of the room. Steve rested his head against Bucky’s back. “Gotta put this punk to bed.”

It was…nice…seeing Steve get to be so small with Bucky. Steve was a god to TJ, but to Bucky…he was something to be cherished and protected; something fragile and small. TJ couldn’t fault that. Steve needed Bucky in a way that Steve didn’t need TJ, but perhaps…Steve needed TJ in a way that Bucky couldn’t provide. Maybe that’s why they were all together. They all needed each other for different reasons. TJ cleared his throat, checking his phone, it was flashing with notifications. He stood up, following Bucky and Steve up the stairs.

Bucky gently placed Steve on the bed, tugging off his pants and slipping him out of his suit jacket. He unbuttoned Steve’s shirt, slipping it down his shoulders and placing a kiss on each shoulder. TJ watched from the corner of the room. Each motion was so gentle and slow. There was so much spoken without one word being uttered. Steve was everything to Bucky. It was practically glowing from Bucky’s body.

TJ smashed his lips together, thinking on what he really meant to Bucky. They’d started out great. Bucky had been instantly likable up at the cabin. He was sensual, sexy and kind. The second they’d gotten here, it was like a switch had flipped. TJ didn’t trust this relationship the more it became real. His family knew, did Steve’s friends? The Avengers? Did they know about Bucky? Steve hadn’t talked about any of them since they got here. The more Bucky became real, the more TJ couldn’t hide behind Steve’s protective covering anymore. Bucky was there and he wasn’t leaving. TJ didn’t want him to leave though. Seeing Steve being provided for, being undressed and placed into bed with a soft kiss on the forehead, TJ realized Steve needed this. Bucky was as much of a rock to Steve as Steve was the rock to TJ.

TJ unbuttoned his top. He folded it neatly atop the dresser. He undressed himself silently, knowing full well that Steve was wrapped in Bucky’s arms as they lay in bed together. It wouldn’t be fair for TJ to soak up all of Steve’s affections. Bucky needed Steve too. Steve had just been out on a date, laughing and having fun with TJ. He’d done that for TJ. He wanted to be open to the world about how he felt about TJ. It was becoming so much more real now.

Steve loved TJ. It was different from the way he loved Bucky, but did that matter? Steve wanted to protect TJ. He wanted to help him grow as a man and leave his cocaine addiction behind. He wanted TJ to rise to some potential that only Steve saw, and TJ was damn sure Steve saw something, otherwise Steve wouldn’t be wasting his time. Bucky was right. Steve wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want to be.

TJ went into the bathroom, clad in only his briefs now. He took his phone. He grabbed his tooth brush and the tooth paste and began scrubbing. He held the brush in his mouth as he sat on the toilet, wincing as his ass protested the motion; he still wasn’t fully healed from the night before. He wasn’t using the toilet, but, it was nice to just sit for a second; alone. It was hard to be alone now with both Steve and Bucky taking up so much of his life. Maybe it would all settle down after the tribunal. Oh shit, and his birthday was next week. He’d said he’d take Bucky out for that as a way of apologizing. When was the tribunal? What if he wasn’t allowed out?

No, he wouldn’t worry about it now. It was late and he was tired. He’d fought a lot of mental battles today, some that weren’t’ over and done with. He idly scrolled through the comments on his Instagram, reading them. Most were positive. Some were too neutral for TJ to be able to decipher, and some were people expressing curiosity.

_Oh my goooosh! Cap is so cute!_

_Captain Dork Face! LOL._

_Is Captain America gay?_

_Please be dating!_

_This is hilarious._

_Nice to see Cap has a sense of humor._

TJ pursed his lips as he continued to scroll. He’d posted the picture not even an hour ago and already his notifications were flooding. His post had even made its way to Tumblr and Facebook. The internet was frightening, yet it was the best tool he had to protect Steve. As a club owner and American tabloid staple, TJ had learned those on the internet could make or break him. The media would always focus on the drama behind his actions and pick apart his motivations, but the internet was where he could find allies and people who would protect him from the onslaught the media provided. It was also nice to post a selfie and have hundreds of people tell him how good looking he was… 

He finished brushing his teeth, walking back into the bedroom. Steve’s head was resting against Bucky’s bare chest. TJ smiled softly at Bucky, who returned the smile.

He climbed into bed on the other side of Steve, staring up at the ceiling. He jumped a bit as he felt Steve intertwine his leg with TJ’s.

“I love you both,” Steve said predictably on cue. He always said it before bed.

TJ smiled, settling in a bit better. He’d just have to work on his insecurity. These men weren’t going anywhere. They’d elected to keep TJ in their lives when they didn’t have to. TJ just had to calm down about it. He’d just have to show he could give as much as they were giving. He could do this. He would do this. He wouldn’t let either of them down. Not Steve… Not Bucky. Especially not Bucky.

He owed it to him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'll bet you are all going EXCUSE ME MISS, YOU LEFT OUT THE SEXY SCENE! I know! I did! This chapter just got TOO LONG! I'm so sorry!!!!!! T_______T I'll make it up to you with something super sexy next time! I promise!!!!!!!! Accept me in your lifeeeeee. 
> 
> Oh look, gifs! Love them and forget about the lack of sex scenes! XD  
>   
> ^This is a scene from Kings which is another show Sebastian Stan was in, if you've not seen it. He again played a gay, twin with issues and son to high profile politicians in this. Pretty similar to TJ? (But not really...but kind of...)  
>   
> ^ Here, have a montage of Sebastian Stan kissing...every man ever. X'D  
>   
> ^More Jack Benjamin, I feel I've exhausted all the TJ gifs. This is a problem... XD
> 
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
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	6. God Hates Fags

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! This is really late and I really apologize for that but I was suffering SUPER HARD WRITERS BLOCK! And I hope this is good? <3 Thank you guys for all the support for this story. It really means a lot to me!
> 
> HUUUUUGEEEEE shout out to Kells and Demi. Without them, this chapter would probably have no structure and I wouldn't know what the hell I was doing and it would have been so bad. SO! YEAH! They are wonderful people and I adore them. <3

“Repeat your name for the record,” the man with the lavishly decorated chest stated as he sat high above Bucky with his fellow colleagues in the private courtroom. The room was slightly on the cooler side. The tips of Bucky’s fingers were cold. He _hated_ feeling cold.

“James Buchannan Barnes,” Bucky stated into the microphone evenly. No one was in the room beside the men and women of the tribunal, Elaine and Steve. Perhaps the microphone was more for recording what was happening over the necessity to increase Bucky’s volume. Bucky didn’t have trouble hearing the general at least.

“Sergeant Barnes, you’re here at the behest of the Secretary of State, Elaine Barrish. We’ve reviewed your evidence but we have several questions for you before we make any decisions,” the man with the decorated chest said again. Bucky was pretty sure he was some high-ranking general. No one’s chest got that cluttered with that much decoration for no reason.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Elaine said. “Under the evidence provided, it states you know nothing in terms of names and people affiliated with HYDRA. Is that correct?”

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky said automatically.

“Isn’t that a little convenient?” the general asked again. “You ask us to exonerate you but you can’t provide us with any useful information in terms of taking out HYDRA. Not one name sticks out?”

Bucky shrugged. “HYDRA programmed me to only know names when I needed them. Alexander Pierce is dead. I mean…there’s Brock Rumlow, but I’m pretty sure you’ve got him in custody.”

The tribunal exchanged a rather anxious look. “…You do have him in custody right?” Bucky asked.

“Rumlow disappeared after his wounds were stable. We’ve been looking for him since,” the general stated. “Sergeant, what about the technology that was used to brainwash you and remove your memories? Can you help us understand any of it?”

“Repressed,” Bucky said. “They _repressed_ my memories. They didn’t remove them. I remember my life in its entirety. Just took awhile. And no. I can’t help you understand it. All I know is what I gave you.”

“Sergeant,” Elaine spoke up. She shifted in her chair. “Would you be willing to testify against HYDRA agents as we find more of them?”

“Hell yeah, ma’am,” Bucky said all-too-eagerly. “I mean…yes ma’am.”

Elaine smiled softly, offering a reassuring nod. Bucky hadn’t slept in the last few days. The tribunal had lingered over his head like a stormy cloud, suppressing his senses and fogging up his mind. He’d been very reassuring to Steve, stating that it was a formality, but there was always the ever-present, haunting feeling of uncertainty. So far it seemed they were rather accepting of Bucky’s circumstances. No one was attempting to hit him below the belt just yet, but then again…the tribunal had only just started.

“Sergeant, your service record for the United States is highly decorated,” another general said as he flipped through a few pages of a file before him. “Howling Commando. Sniper. Personal friend of Captain Steve Rogers. Part of the 107th and assisted in their reunification from HYDRA. You were even given an honorary postmortem title of a S.H.I.E.L.D agent by founding member Peggy Carter.  Though it says that you were drafted into World War II. You didn’t enlist.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. “What does that have to do with anything?”

A female spoke up this time. “Sergeant, what General Gabriel is asking is why, a man with your talents, were you not enlisting when your country needed you most.”

Bucky felt his jaw twitch. “Because Steve needed me more. I couldn’t leave a guy that couldn’t work by himself.”

“For the record,” the female began. “The Steve you’re referring to is Captain Steve Rogers? Captain America?”

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky stated evenly. He turned slightly to catch Steve in his peripherals. Steve’s lips were pressed tightly together and his brow was creased. He was wearing his Captain America uniform, most likely for the authority it brought over the necessity of it. Bucky hadn’t seen him before the tribunal. He’d left with Elaine earlier than TJ and Steve waking. Bucky looked back up, meeting the gazes of the men and women before him. “Steve was sick a lot. He’d die without me.”

“So when you were drafted, did you initially think of running to Canada or Mexico with Captain Rogers?” General Gabriel asked.

“Is this relevant?” Bucky asked, looking at Elaine. His heart started to thump against his chest as if it was trying to get his attention and warn him that something was starting to go amiss. “I served my country when I was asked to. I didn’t run away. What does it matter what my private thoughts were? Anything I thought or did I did for two reasons. Because I had to and because I was protecting Steve.”

“But you said Captain Rogers would have died without you,” the female stated again.

“He figured out a way to protect himself,” Bucky mumbled. “I think you’re all familiar with the story of Captain _America_.”

“Sergeant,” the original general spoke up again. “Your record is spotless till the day you were declared deceased. From the HYDRA files, we count several American political assassinations. Dozens of political targets on an international level. Why should we not report this to the UN? You’ve killed more foreign dignitaries than you have Americans.”

“Do you punish the gun in addition to the murderer or just the murderer?” Bucky spat. His feet were starting to tingle. He wanted to run. He hated feeling those beady eyes stare at him from high above their perch with their decorated chests and boring faces.

“They’re just trying to understand your side,” Elaine said. She offered an encouraging smile.

Bucky huffed through his nose. “I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know what I was doing. You’ve got all the files there. Files from scientists and HYDRA. I didn’t make this shit…this stuff up. I was as much a ghost to myself as I was to the rest of the world. Are you asking me to explain why I shouldn’t be held accountable for what I did?”

“Yes, Sergeant. We’re asking your personal thoughts. What would Sergeant James Barnes think of the Winter Soldier?” the eldest general asked. Bucky looked down and read his name card finally. General  Allen.

Bucky sat back, tapping his metal fingers on the desk. “Sergeant James Barnes is sitting right in front of you.” He sat forward; relaxing his shoulders and licking at his lips. “Look, I’m not sure what I’m asking. If you want to punish me, punish me. I’m sure I deserve it. But that guy…the guy HYDRA made me be…that wasn’t me. James Barnes never would have shot President Kennedy. James Barnes would never have…” Bucky’s voice cracked. He stared at the table, looking at the ripples in the woodwork. “I would never do that.”

“But you did,” the female said. “During your time with the Howling Commandos, you took out several high profile HYDRA agents. There were no trials or hearings for conviction. No attempt to extract information. You shot them.”

“He was following my orders!” Steve said from the sidelines. Bucky closed his eyes. He knew it was only a matter of time till Steve would say something.

“Captain Rogers,” the female warned. “You’re here as a courtesy to the Secretary of State.”

Steve’s jaw was clenched and his eyes were gleaming with anger but he sat back down. He offered Bucky a strained look of apology. Bucky smiled softly in response.

“Yeah…” Bucky said finally. “Yeah I shot ‘em. Every HYDRA agent we attempted to capture would evade with cyanide pills. Captain Rogers felt it was pointless at that point. So I agreed with my commanding officer and followed his order. We went in and I killed any HYDRA bastard that was in my way.”

“So it became personal to you? Even before they captured you?” the female followed up with.

“I think it became personal to this very country. HYDRA had already kidnapped me _and_ experimented on me prior to becoming a Commando. HYDRA was shitting on our guys till Captain Rogers rescued us.” Bucky wasn’t correcting his language anymore. He didn’t care enough to.

“Sergeant,” General Allen began once more. “Would you be willing to come forward as who you are? What you were?”

“As Sergeant James Barnes or the Winter soldier?” Bucky asked as he cocked his head to the side.

“Both.”

Bucky licked at his lips before sucking them in and pressing them together. His brow was creased and heavy against his face. His feet were cold. Bucky had been entertaining the idea of coming forth as being alive again, but he’d never entertained the magnitude of all that it entailed. If it was just James Barnes coming back from the dead, he’d be a decorated war hero on the magnitude of Captain America. He’d be a politician’s wet dream and they’d all be clamoring at his feet for his favor. But the Winter Soldier… He was the nightmare children were afraid of. He was the ghost that women looked over their shoulders to avoid. He was the hatred and disdain that coursed through this country. “Does everyone have to know what I was?”

“If you’re not comfortable with it being open information, we can keep it classified, Bucky,” Elaine said. She even used his familial nickname. Bucky looked up, offering a ghost of a smile as he looked at the women who was quickly becoming like a real mother to him.

“Can it please be kept classified?” Bucky asked softly. “I’ll only destroy Captain America if they knew that James Barnes was the Winter Soldier. I can’t discredit what he’s worked so hard to build.”

“Bucky…” Steve said gently.

Bucky ignored him. “I wanna prove to you that I’m better than that. I can do better than that. I swear.” He met each gaze evenly and head on. Bucky had a lot to atone for. It wasn’t that he wanted to go out in the field again. Actually, he loathed the idea of picking up a gun ever again. He wanted a simple life. He was so _done_ with fighting wars for other people. He knew Steve would never settle for simplicity. Someone had to be Steve’s rock. Someone had to make sure he didn’t keep leaping from planes without parachutes or making sure he kept fighting against brainwashed assassins that were programmed to kill him… Bucky couldn’t hide behind the signs anymore. When Bucky was presumed dead, something died in Steve. It made Steve careless. There was a difference between selfless and careless. Steve didn’t _care_ about himself after that. Bucky had read the articles online. He saw the interviews. Steve had always been reckless, but never careless. Bucky wouldn’t let that happen again. Not for either of them. They’d care for each other. They’d care.

“Sergeant James Barnes, welcome to the land of the living,” General Gabriel said as he pounded his gavel against the mahogany wood of his high perch. “VA benefits will be extended to you. Your social security number will be active again. We’ll celebrate this.”

Bucky smiled awkwardly as he stood up. He scratched at the back of his head. “Y-you really don’t need a celebration.”

“It’s not every day a war hero resurfaces from the grave,” Elaine said teasingly. She looked over to Steve, smiling knowingly. “Though it’s starting to become a frequent thing…”

* * *

 

“I’m proud of you, Buck,” Steve said as they were getting out of the car. “You had a chance to get out.”

Bucky waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah…well. Someone’s gotta watch your six.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he pulled Bucky into a tight hug. Bucky’s fingers instantly went into Steve’s hair. He breathed in, smelling Steve’s aftershave and his creamy skin. Bucky hadn’t felt so relieved since he could remember. HYDRA was officially behind him. The US government supported him. Steve supported him. All that Bucky had to do now was—

“You’re back!” TJ said as he ran down the back porch stairs. “How’d it go?”

Bucky pulled away from Steve. He felt the tiniest sensation of guilt creep into his heart. He knew how unsteady the ground was that he and TJ walked on. He didn’t want to give the boy any ammunition to fire at him and hugging Steve without TJ around was like giving the kid a grenade and telling him to toss it back. _‘Man…he’s technically older than me…’_ Still, Bucky couldn’t see TJ as anything more than an overgrown child.

Bucky didn’t fault TJ, not at least for his jealousy. He faulted him for his drugs though. No matter the life someone’s given…drugs are a choice. Bucky was a soldier. He was a prisoner. He was a blank slate. Even after it all…not once had he ever thought of snorting some of TJ’s coke. He chose to be better than that. He’d find a way to make TJ better than that too.

“Bucky’s been exonerated,” Steve said as he pressed a soft kiss against TJ’s lips. Bucky watched silently as TJ wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, offering his lips higher so Steve would keep kissing him; which Steve did. Bucky didn’t like thinking about it, but he couldn’t help but get a bit angry about the hypocrisy that wove its way through TJ’s body. TJ was insecure and fragile. Bucky wasn’t, but he still couldn’t set the feelings aside when TJ would come into a room and command Steve’s attention. Especially since TJ had been angry for thinking Bucky was always doing that to TJ. Still…Bucky was stronger than that. He wouldn’t lash out or say anything about it. They just needed time to understand each other. Steve had mentioned TJ and Bucky going out together for TJ’s birthday. Maybe things could start to settle down during that.

Still in Steve’s arms, TJ turned to Bucky offering a wide, toothy smile. “Congrats Buck. How’s it feel?”

Bucky shrugged. “Feels like I wanna sandwich.”

TJ laughed. He broke away from Steve, walking back toward the house. “Well let’s make you a damn good sandwich then.”

* * *

 

 _“Has there been any word from Captain Rogers on these rumors?”_ a female newscaster asked the other male newscaster.

_“Not yet, Grace. A single picture was posted to TJ Hammond’s Instagram, earning him over thousands of likes in just a few hours before the image went viral along with several pictures of the two of them out at a restaurant. We can only speculate at the current time. However, the two were seen together getting off a plane with someone who has still yet to be identified a few weeks ago.”_

_“And we’ve never found out who that other person was?”_ Grace asked.

 _“We have not,”_ the male newscaster responded. _“We do have some reports from eyewitnesses reporting that Captain Rogers has frequented TJ Hammond’s nightclub, The Dome a few months back.”_

 _“Here’s the thing though,”_ the “talking head” in the corner said. _“If Captain Rogers is gay, fine, whatever. The issue becomes his image for the rest of the world. He’s supposed to uphold American values and act as a symbol for the American people. Now I don’t care what he does in his personal life, but he can’t go strutting around with the Secretary of State’s openly gay and drug addicted son.”_

“Christ,” TJ moaned. “Fucking turn it off…”

Bucky strained his metal arm behind Steve as he reached for the remote, but Steve grabbed it first. “No,” Steve said adamantly. “I need to see this.”

“Steve…” TJ breathed out cautiously. “They’re just gonna shit-talk you.”

Steve looked back to the TV with a set jaw and that proud facial expression. “I can take it.”

Bucky settled back, slipping his metal arm back around Steve’s shoulders. He gently massaged the curves of Steve’s biceps with the tips of his fingers. Bucky wasn’t watching the TV. He was watching how Steve’s eyes winced subtly with each insult about “not upholding American values” and “homosexuality is a sin.” He watched as Steve’s jaw clenched and his temples pulsated as the muscles strove to keep him from exploding out of his head. Bucky began stroking the soft, short hairs at the base of Steve’s skull. He watched as Steve’s eyes fluttered momentarily before they shared a quiet, knowing glance at each other. Steve leaned his head down against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky kept stroking at his hair.

This was the first time Steve ever saw anyone criticizing him on a personal level after he’d become Captain America. People questioned Captain America all the time. They questioned his methods with the Avengers, they questioned his behavior during the Winter Soldier attack on DC (Bucky found it comical that he, himself, referred to it as that…) but they never questioned _Steve Rogers_ before. They had always been separate entities.

 _“Here’s the thing and I’m gonna break it down real simple. The US government needs to decide what is more important. Captain America or the American people. What about the children who worship these superheroes? Do we really want them idolizing a man who spends his time with a drug addict?”_ The talking head said again.

“Oh don’t give me that shit,” TJ spat out. “Please turn this shit off.”

Steve ignored him.

 _“Captain Rogers should know better,”_ the female caster stated as she conversed with the talking head who was reporting from New York City.  _“TJ Hammond is a well-known trouble maker and notorious for his poor behavior. If Captain Rogers is associating with him, we can only assume he’s also engaging in his recreational drug-use.”_

“Okay, seriously please!” TJ shouted from the opposite side of Steve. “Please turn this fucking crap off!”

Steve finally changed the channel, but he didn’t say anything. He settled into Bucky more, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s middle and pressing his head against Bucky’s chest. He stretched out his legs, placing them atop TJ’s lap. TJ instantly started giving Steve a foot rub.

Bucky smiled. He liked how protective TJ was being. He wasn’t upset about them calling him an addict or a poor excuse of an American citizen…they were lobbing Steve in with TJ. Bucky knew how high TJ held Steve in his views. Steve was a god to TJ. Watching the newscasters tear Steve apart and lower him to TJ’s level had brought forth an aggressive, protective side of TJ that Bucky had barely seen before. He liked it.

They settled into a comfortable silence, watching the images flicker by on the TV screen. Bucky wasn’t sure what it was he was watching. TV still amazed him. He struggled to focus though as his gaze kept trailing back down to Steve’s face. The blonde was paler than usual and his lips were pressed tightly against one another. Bucky continued to stroke his fingers through Steve’s hair. Actions were louder than words and right now Steve didn’t need words. He just needed the reassurance that he was loved. Bucky was more than willing to stay like this forever if it meant Steve knew he had someone who loved him more than life itself.

* * *

 

Over the following days, TJ had been doing his best to make Steve’s coming out as easy as possible. They started off small, going on a few dates and taking a few pictures together hugging or feeding each other ice cream. The internet had exploded from those simple pictures. Bucky was astonished by the sheer number of people who _followed_ TJ online. Bucky had gotten curious and looked through TJ’s phone (with his permission) to see the comments on his Instagram. There were flocks of people commenting and putting their opinion out there for the world. Most were kind and offering words of encouragement and well wishes to the “happy couple.” Bucky didn’t like feeling as if he didn’t exist… However he’d have to endure it for now. It wasn’t as if TJ and Steve were intentionally trying to hide him. The government was planning to hold a press release with the President of the United States to unveil Bucky’s existence and survival in the world. According to Elaine, he’d be the next Captain America with how famous he’d become. Bucky wasn’t sure he was ready for this kind of fame.

Still, aside from all the praise and support, Steve was also being flayed by media and newspapers. With titles such as, “Captain Homo,” “Captain America: Drug Addict?” and “Captain America: The Man Who Failed His Country,” Bucky was sure Steve was starting to feel the heat. Back in the day, homosexuality was a punishable offense in the military. It also could be the reason you’d end up dead in a ditch and no one would even bat an eye. It was upsetting that over half a century later and people still were using God and “traditional values” as an excuse to bar people like TJ, Steve and himself from just being themselves. Humans were all about connectivity and social by nature. To force a person to refrain from love just because they were different was cruel; at least Bucky felt it was. Clearly these people danced to a different drumbeat.

Still, TJ was doing his best to let Steve come out to the world on his terms. He’d still not accepted any invitations for interviews though, despite TJ’s encouragement. Anyone who was anyone with a stage wanted Captain America’s exclusive and Steve was reluctant to give any of them that power. It was even getting harder to get Steve out of the house.

Steve had stayed at the Barrish residence for two reasons: Bucky and TJ. They’d come here in the first place to see about exonerating Bucky and now that they had, they simply were staying because of TJ. DC was his home. However, Bucky wouldn’t mind hauling it back up to Brooklyn and find a run-down hot dog stand to eat out of house and home (or support said house and home because Bucky would be dropping a dime to devour that many New York hot dogs). Unfortunately, Bucky had to wait for the President of the United States and Steve had to wait…on Steve before they could decide where they’d put down roots.

Bucky grimaced as he looked over at his blonde lover. He was sitting on the armchair with his arms crossed over his blue, tight-fitting shirt. His eyes were downcast and Bucky couldn’t decide if he looked like a kicked puppy or an angry badger. It was unique how Steve’s face could resemble anger and sadness at the same time. Perhaps it was because Steve was always looking sad and angry back in the day. Sad because he didn’t have the body to protect people and angry that he wasn’t able to…protect people.

TJ walked into the room. He was like a bee around a hive as he flittered from corner to corner of the room talking to someone enthusiastically over the phone. Bucky watched with careful eyes as he periodically gazed back at Steve to see if he’d noticed TJ’s overly-chipper behavior. Bucky was damn sure that meant the boy was using coke… He looked back at TJ, peering hard at his red-rimmed eyes. _‘You son of a bitch…’_

TJ hung up the phone, giggling like a schoolboy as he sauntered over to Steve and straddled him. Bucky watched as Steve tensed up. His face went rigid but he still held onto TJ’s lower back to give the boy support. Bucky was absolutely sure something was bothering Steve now. Steve was nothing if not doting and supportive of TJ. Bucky also knew that Steve usually didn’t take out his feelings on TJ considering the man’s fragile emotional-state. It only left one thing to be concluded; Steve was deeply upset about something.

“Wanna come to my club tonight?” TJ asked as he giggled; pressing a kiss against Steve’s face. “We can even hold hands getting out of the limo.”

Steve offered a supportive smile, but it was strained and hollow. Bucky cocked his head as he watched the exchange.

“It’ll be fun,” TJ mumbled as he scrunched up his spine to bend down to kiss Steve’s lips. Steve kissed back, but just like all his other movements, it was jerky and strained.

Bucky inhaled deeply; nodding slowly as he was starting to piece everything together. Steve wouldn’t want to leave the house because something was eating at him. Bucky could see it in his heavy-set brow and guarded eyes. And what was eating at him had to deal with the recent PDA out in public… It had to deal with Steve’s newfound anti-popularity.

TJ’s head snapped around as he looked over his shoulder at Bucky. “Oh shit!” he exclaimed. “I’ll bet you’re going crazy being stuck in here too.”

Bucky offered a soft, crooked smile but his eyes glossed past TJ to Steve’s face. Steve was sporting the smallest hint of a smile but Bucky knew that look. It was the look Steve sported when he was too tired to keep fighting an argument he’d already lost. It was the look where he wanted to pretend he was supportive when he simply had no interest in the situation at hand.

“Why don’t we all just stay in tonight?” Bucky asked. “It’d make me feel less like a prisoner again…”

“I’d honestly be okay with that,” Steve answered all-too-quickly. “I think the world needs a moment to…process everything.”

“Process what? Us?” TJ inquired. He slipped his hands up Steve’s shirt. Bucky’s gaze followed the curves of TJ’s hands as they glided up Steve’s chest and down the sides of his stomach.

Steve grabbed TJ’s hands, halting their movements and pulling them down into his hands to lace their fingers together. TJ giggled again. Bucky was acutely aware that TJ was extremely high right now. What purpose did this one serve? What could have possibly happened that would drive TJ to do blow? He and Bucky had been…kind of avoiding each other since the day TJ had his explosion of mouth vomit about his feelings for Bucky. Bucky had been trying to claim he was letting TJ have his space, but Bucky knew himself better than that. He’d been avoiding TJ because he was afraid of another explosion. He was afraid of angering TJ and making Steve get caught in the middle. He was already going through so much. Bucky didn’t need to add to that.

Still…Bucky needed to talk to Steve about TJ…about TJ’s apparent consent to let Steve call TJ, “Bucky.” That had been eating at Bucky since the day he heard it. It had consumed him and plagued his daydreams and his nightmares. Part of TJ resented Bucky and it was open and obvious at this point. Up till then, Bucky didn’t really have a concrete clue as to why. He did now. TJ designed himself to be the filler. TJ was the placeholder. What happens to placeholders when the original piece is back?

They’re no longer needed.

TJ was waiting for Steve to tell him he wasn’t needed…

Everything had started to make sense to Bucky that day. So he gave TJ his space despite knowing it wasn’t done for noble reasons and he’d let himself process his outrage over Steve’s acceptance of TJ’s lack of self-respect. Bucky would have _never_ allowed someone, Captain America or not, to call him by a name that wasn’t his. He’d been stripped of his name once. No one was taking it from him again. TJ had little to no self respect. A name meant nothing to him if he could get a man to sleep with him. Bucky wanted to show him how much he meant as a person but he wasn’t sure how far that lesson would reach in that drug-infested mind…

“You’re not supposed to be hiding anymore,” TJ said softer. “You’re supposed to be doing interviews and showing those bastards that you don’t give a shit about what they’re saying.”

“Shouldn’t I talk to the Avengers first?” Steve asked. His ocean-blue gaze flicked to Bucky for a moment before returning to TJ’s face.

_‘So Steve does know TJ’s high…’_

TJ bit his lip as he rolled his body, tauntingly, against Steve’s. “Your sexuality isn’t their fucking business.”

Steve suppressed a groan as he stood up, sliding TJ down his lap and to the floor. “They’re my team. Any press conference or interview I do, I need to do with them.”

“What about me?” TJ shot back. His brow creased angrily against his features.

Bucky’s lips parted in mild shock. He remained quiet despite knowing this could turn ugly. Part of him was curious just how upset Steve was. This was the easiest way to gauge it.

“What?” Steve asked.

“What about me? Shouldn’t it be me who’s with you on an interview? I’m one of your boyfriends.”

“Yeah, and the other one can’t be there, so I guess I just thought it was fairer if I had the Avengers with me.”

TJ ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “I’m supposed to be helping you through this and you’re not letting me.”

Steve grit his teeth. “I _am_ letting you help me,” Steve hissed. He was barely keeping his voice under control. Bucky could hear the rumbling and the stress he was putting on it to keep from shouting. Something wasn’t right. The biggest issue now being…

What was wrong, exactly? Was it the relationship? The pressure of the media? TJ pressuring Steve?

“I just need some time, TJ,” Steve detailed. “This is all so…”

“Overwhelming,” Bucky finished for him, finally seeing it all click. Steve was uncomfortable with the media. He was uncomfortable with everyone knowing his business. He was suffering from this. From all of it.

Both Steve and TJ looked over at him with doe-eyes full of shock because he’d finally said something. He stood up, stretching out his shoulders and rolling his head. “I really wanna take a walk. Would you come with me, TJ?”

Steve’s eyes softened as he sported a knowing, small smile. Bucky responded to that silent thank you with the softest of shrugs.

TJ lingered there for a moment, looking up at Steve as if he needed approval. Steve placed a light kiss upon those soft lips that were so similar to Bucky’s and gently pushed TJ off in Bucky’s direction.

Bucky grabbed TJ’s hand as he flipped up his hoodie to cover his head and some of his face in case there were photographers outside. They walked to the backdoor before letting go of each other’s hands and walking outside.

The sun was just starting to set as it cast deep, purple shadows against the green earth. Bucky felt the soft nip of the chilly air hit his face as the wind blew lazily across the backyard. He counted several secret service men, but saw no photographers. Bucky assumed the secret service had scared them off. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush here, TJ,” Bucky began. “You’re high, right?”

TJ’s face paled. It only served to bring out the red-rims around his eyes more.

“I’m not angry. Just…if you think you’re fooling Steve…you’re not.”

TJ’s face scrunched up as he gave a curt nod. “Yeah,” he drawled. “I know. I just…I just needed something to take the edge off.”

“What’s creating edges?” Bucky asked as they walked along the hedges that surrounded the backyard.

TJ shrugged as he matched Bucky’s strides. “Steve.”

Bucky licked at his lips slowly, looking at TJ from the corner of his eyes. “Steve’s making you do coke?”

“N-no. He’s not forcing me too. He’s just…things are different.”

Bucky opened the gate for TJ, motioning with his hand for TJ to come out first. TJ slid out the gate. They were greeted by another secret serviceman who was guarding the gate. “Sir, there’s paparazzi at the front of the house. I’d recommend keeping to the alleyways.”

“Thanks, Chuck,” TJ responded. He jerked his head in the direction he wanted to go. Bucky followed. They past a few small garages and garbage cans as they walked silently through the alleys. Occasionally a dog would run up to the fence it was behind and bark at them. Bucky hadn’t come out here to make TJ talk about TJ, but now that he knew the reason TJ was using, he wanted a more detailed explanation. TJ wasn’t good about explaining how he felt. It was probably one of the reasons he always resorted to drugs. If Bucky could get him to open up, perhaps TJ would stop needing coke so much.

“What’s different?” Bucky finally asked after they past, yet again, another garbage can.

TJ kicked at some of the gravel along the alley. “I think Steve’s done with me.”

Bucky’s brow creased. “What?”

“Every time I touch him, he gets all tense and you sleep with us− you know last time we had sex was when you fucked me.”

Bucky bit his lip. He had seen TJ’s welts and observed the way the man limped around the house and squeaked in pain each time he tried to sit down. It had lasted for _days_. Bucky had gone too hard on him. But what TJ _didn’t_ know was that Steve and Bucky made an agreement not to have sex till they could be sure TJ was entirely healed. It had nothing to do with Steve’s lack of caring! Bucky felt guilt cling to his lower spine as he sucked in a long, deep breath. Here he was trying to make TJ be more open with him when he was the one keeping secrets from TJ. They’d agreed not to tell TJ because they didn’t want to make him feel weak. He already felt that. They didn’t want to make it worse. It was out of concern and love that Steve had withheld from having sex, not out of apathy…

“Each time we go out, he’s all…reserved. I try to hold his hand and the second a photographer comes up he drops it. I try to lean in to kiss him and he turns his face. I should’a known this was gonna happen.” TJ sniffed as he shoved his hands deep into his black skinny jeans. “Christ…”

“TJ, Steve loves you,” Bucky finally said. He watched TJ pick up a few rocks and start throwing them down the alleyway. One hit a trashcan loudly. Guy had an arm. “We’re not having sex because we wanted you to be healed.”

“Healed from what? You?”

“I…I went pretty fucking rough with you last time.”

TJ snorted. “You think you’re the only guy that’s fucked me like that? I slept with this black guy once. Guy was hung like a fucking bull. Fucked me so hard I was bleeding for days. Still had sex the following night.”

“And that’s something you’re proud of?” Bucky shot back as his brow rose into his hairline. “TJ that could seriously destroy your body!”

“I’m fine, _Bucky_. I don’t need you fucking lecturing me.”

Bucky’s shoulders slumped. He was getting too close. He needed to divert this back to Steve or TJ would lash out against Bucky. TJ didn’t trust Bucky. Bucky knew it. No matter what he did, TJ would always resent Bucky for being…the “original” one. “Steve’s upset, TJ.”

TJ finally turned to look at Bucky. His eyes were round and full of desperation. He looked years younger than he should. “What’d I do wrong?”

Bucky felt his heart snap from its perch in his chest. The first thing this man thought of when Steve was upset was that he’d been the reason. TJ would die for Steve. It was so evident that any dumbass could simply look at TJ and see Steve’s name written in every crack of skin, every curve or dip in his body. He belonged entirely to Steve Rogers. It was almost unfair that TJ had to share with Bucky.

But Steve belonged to Bucky. It was woven into their souls… So here they all were. Bucky wanted TJ to feel he belonged to Bucky one day too. He wanted TJ to look at him with unguarded eyes. He wanted TJ to come to him when he needed help. He _wanted_ TJ to fall into his chest the way Steve would. Bucky pursed his lips, huffing through his nose. “You didn’t do anything wrong, TJ.”

TJ’s eyes flicked wildly in his head. Bucky watched as he recoiled into himself, pulling his arms around him protectively. “Please just tell me,” he pleaded with a broken tone. “If I did anything…”

Bucky stepped forward, planting his hands firmly on TJ’s shoulders. “TJ!” he snapped authoritatively. “You did _nothing_ wrong! It’s everything else. It’s the media. It’s the photographers. Steve’s not used to this. When someone says he’s let his country down, he takes that pretty damn personally. It’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have let him come out,” TJ grumbled. “Ah shit, I’m such a fucking idiot!”

Bucky pulled TJ into his chest as his fingers went to weave into TJ’s short hair. “No,” he cooed softly. “You’re not an idiot. He wanted to do this. You’ve been _so_ great. Every picture you’ve posted and all those comments about people supporting him…that’s all been so beautiful. He’s been so happy about it!”

TJ allowed a few tears to slip from his red-stained eyes. Bucky cupped TJ’s head tighter against his shoulder.

“You’ve done everything for him. He just needs to adjust to this.”

“How can I make it better?” TJ whispered. His tone was so laced with anguish that Bucky’s stomach clenched.

“Just love him,” Bucky answered. “It’s really that simple.”

TJ pulled back, laughing awkwardly. “Why’re you so nice to me?”

Bucky’s mouth dropped open as he processed the question. “Because…you’re not a dumbass punk?”

TJ rolled his eyes. “That’s a lie. I’m obnoxious as fuck.”

Bucky smiled softly. “Yeah, well, I find it charming.”

“Really?”

Bucky shrugged as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He licked his lips slowly as he looked at TJ. Those eyes were so blood-shot it was a wonder that TJ could even see anything. “You’re beautiful, TJ. I’d really hate to see you waste all you’ve been given because of a fucking drug.”

TJ sucked in his lips as his gaze became downcast. “You’re telling me things I already know.”

Bucky took an unsure step forward. “Steve needs you, TJ,” Bucky began. If he could play it this way… If he could get TJ to use Steve as an anchor, maybe TJ could finally break free of his addiction. It was worth it to Bucky to at least try. “Please don’t die on him.”

TJ’s eyes widened as cold, hard realization dumped into those gray orbs. He didn’t speak anymore. Bucky didn’t expect him to. TJ had allowed the idea to sink in and it was _clearly_ rocking him to the core and leaving him cold and unsteady.

Bucky offered out his hand to TJ, lightly motioning with his head back in the direction of the house. “Let’s go check on him?”

TJ swallowed thickly as he nodded. His eyes were still laced in his stupor as they walked back; hand-in-hand.

Bucky was sure this didn’t really change anything. TJ was still addicted to cocaine and TJ was certainly going to use again, but he’d feel guiltier about it. It wasn’t the best method, but it was the only method Bucky had right now. He needed Steve for this. They needed to talk about this. It was the only way TJ was ever going to get past this…

Or he really would end up dead.

They walked back into the gate, offering nods of thanks at Chuck, the secret serviceman. Bucky squeezed TJ’s hand as he halted in his steps.

TJ turned to him as confusion blossomed on his face.

“Your birthday,” Bucky whispered out. He wasn’t sure why he was so uncertain about this. His feet were tingling and his mind was racing for any excuse to divert what he was about to ask. He was scared of TJ rejecting him. This…stupid punk of a drug-addicted kid… This recovering playboy and this lost, poor soul. This man carried Steve’s heart so close to his own. Steve loved TJ. It was evident in the brave strides and the professional faces Steve was trying to keep when the media hung him for the birds. Bucky wanted all of them to carry each other’s hearts. He needed TJ to accept him. Bucky could love TJ. He knew he could. At first it had all been about respect, but as the times had rolled on and things had started to change. Bucky wanted to be as much part of TJ’s life as Steve was. He just needed to prove to TJ he wasn’t going to push the man out. TJ wasn’t a temporary filler. He was a permanent staple and Bucky was more than okay with sharing that. Sure at times there’d be issues and down the line, Bucky was sure he’d get pissed as hell about having to share Steve, but he’d always be thankful for it when it came down to it. Steve needed TJ in a way that Bucky couldn’t provide. Bucky wanted Steve happy. He wanted TJ happy.

“You…Steve mentioned that you thought about just me n’ you goin’ out? You still wanna do that?

TJ’s mouth dropped open. “I…”

“I mean you don’t have to. You can go with Steve. It’s probably better.” Bucky was already trying to back out. He attempted to pull his hand back but TJ squeezed it harder.

“I’d really like that.”

Bucky couldn’t hide the look of relief that washed over his face. He let a wide grin spread over his lips as he nodded. “Good.”

* * *

 

 _“Still no official comment from Captain Rogers on his rumored homosexuality. However, we do have several eyewitness accounts confirming that Captain Rogers is in fact, seeing TJ Hammond…”_ the newswoman reported from her on-location site. She was standing outside the Hammond residence. Steve had never felt so trapped before. He’d been behind enemy lines, just him and his wits. He’d been face to face with the Red Skull, Loki, aliens… He’d never felt so powerless. Even when he was a ninety pound asthmatic he had more fight in him than this. He’d been so adamant about this. He’d been so sure he could withstand this as he’d withstood so much before. He’d taken criticism. He’d taken the beating of angry mothers whose sons were killed in New York and DC. He’d taken it all onto his shoulders and he carried it every day with him.

He could barely deal with…this.

Each time he’d go out with TJ, he’d see people looking at him. But they weren’t just looking at Captain America. They were seeing Steve Rogers. Some held excitement in their eyes as their lips spread into huge grins and some sneered and spat at the ground. Steve didn’t know which person he could trust on the street to simply walk by him or shout an insult at him (and he’d been receiving a lot of insults lately.) It’s why he didn’t want to leave the security of the Hammond house. TJ was a club-runner. He was a lively, social person and he’d asked Steve to go out with him last night but Steve just… _couldn’t._

He curled up on the sofa, pulling a pillow into his lap. He’d spent the rest of his night playing cards with Bucky. Unfortunately, TJ had gotten bored and eventually snuck out of the house. Steve had become rather obsessed with tracking TJ on his social media sites. He’d of course gone to his club. He’d posed with countless people in his reckless selfies with his blood-shot eyes. Steve wasn’t sure how much of the night TJ spent sober, but Steve really didn’t want to guess. He was too afraid he’d be right.

At least Bucky and TJ seemed to be okay. TJ had even kissed Bucky on the cheek before he left for the club. They’d been so distant from each other for the past week. Steve knew the struggles they were facing. He’d brought it upon them. He’d forced both of them into a situation they probably weren’t ready to endure and they were trying so hard for him… He hated himself for doing this to them, but he couldn’t leave either of them.

Bucky… Bucky was everything to Steve. He was the reason for existing at this point. Steve had been more than willing to lay his life down when he thought Bucky had died during the war. He’d been more than willing to sacrifice himself to the Winter Solider. Life without Bucky was like living in a world of black and white, except Steve would know the rest of the world could see in vivid, beautiful color. Food was ash and it took every fiber of his being to get out of bed in the morning when Steve thought Bucky was dead. Life didn’t exist to Steve if Bucky wasn’t there to share it.

TJ… TJ was this ethereal, bursting bit of color that had literally exploded into Steve’s life. He’d been the reason Steve saw color again. He was the reason Steve started to get out of bed in the morning. He became the reason Steve fought for the world again. It wasn’t obligation or a sense of duty. Bucky would swear up and down that that was the reason, but no. Steve was fighting to give TJ a proper life. He’d fallen so hard and so fast for that erratic ball of energy that Steve was still whirling from it even after almost seven months. Every day with TJ was like discovering a new planet or species. He was unpredictable. He was also suffering…just like Steve was. They’d found each other in a time of desperate need and for a time, that’s all they needed. They simply need each other’s company. Steve had come to TJ because he looked like Bucky, but Steve had stayed for TJ. That bright, beautiful personality with those talented piano fingers and that constant hunger of ambition. TJ had such a future…if he’d just stop using cocaine.

He needed both of them. He couldn’t function properly without one anymore. He’d be like a clock trying to operate without a gear. One part could function as if nothing was wrong, but the other part would be entirely still. Steve couldn’t sacrifice either of them. He’d often lay awake at night, nestled between his lovers and wonder what would happen if he was forced to choose one day. How would he handle it?

The thought always brought forth a cold sweat and a pulsating headache. Steve literally could _not_ pick one over the other. He’d face constant nightmares at night where someone would be holding out a gun and saying, “Pick one.” And Steve… Steve would be crying and begging on his knees to find another way. He’d hear the gunshot…but he’d never see which body would fall to the ground. It was a nightmare he had all too often and it was one he never wished he’d experience again. He never wanted to see which body hit the ground. It would kill him.

“You’re up early,” a smooth, husky voice called into the room. Bucky sat at Steve’s feet, picking them up and plopping them down onto his lap. He wrapped his flesh hand around Steve’s ankle, giving it a light squeeze of affection. “You okay, doll?”

Steve hugged against the pillow more. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Bucky nodded. “I know. You’re the middle-man of the bed. You fidget and me and TJ stay awake from it.”

Steve offered a grimace of apology. “I’m sorry, Buck,” he stated softly. “I didn’t mean to keep you both awake.”

Bucky waved a hand dismissively. “TJ’s asleep now. I hate sleeping anyway.”

Steve laughed sardonically. “Starting to feel that way as well.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed as he peered into Steve’s soul. Steve could literally feel Bucky pulling out whatever energy that composed Steve’s soul as he flipped it around and analyzed it. “Wanna talk about it?”

Steve laughed again; lighter this time. Bucky was always for talking things out. It was a beautiful relationship back in the day. Steve would hold onto whatever anger or negative feeling he had and Bucky would eventually wear Steve so thin he was practically tissue paper. He’d spill his guts out and Bucky would hold them all and neatly tuck them all back in after Steve said his piece. He’d always give thoughtful responses and he’d never discredit the way Steve felt. It was one of the many reasons Steve had falling so in love with the jerk in the first place. “I’m good, Buck.”

Bucky dropped his head back against the couch. “Like hell you are.” He sighed heavily as he rolled his head before dropping his torso heavily against Steve’s lap. “I love you.”

Steve felt his heart flutter as the words melodically passed from Bucky’s lips. He’d never get over hearing that smooth caramel voice utter those soft syllables. “I love you too, Buck.”

Bucky pushed his head into Steve’s hip. “Talk to me, Stevie,” he lightly whined.

Steve laughed as he pushed at Bucky’s head. His nose was tickling his hipbone. “I said I’m good!”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Bucky shot back. He brought up his hands and started tickling at Steve’s sides. Steve doubled over as laughter escaped his throat. He squirmed as Bucky continued to berate him with tickling.

“Stop! …Ha! Bucky, please! Ha-ha!... Stop!” he said through his laughter. “Bucky! Ha! Ha! You jerk…stop it!”

Bucky kept tickling Steve, a devilish smile against those perfect lips as he moved his hands up toward Steve’s armpits. “I’m gonna tickle it out of you, punk!”

Steve felt tears cling to the corners of his eyes. He twisted his spine so he fell onto the floor, but Bucky was straddling him as his fingers continued to tease Steve’s sensitive nerves. “Bucky!” Steve cried out happily. “I will murder you in your sleep!” Empty threats, Steve was aware, but tears were starting to slide from his eyes as he tried to swat Bucky’s hands away from him. “Ha! I’m going to end you!”

“I’d like to see you try!” Bucky laughed out. “C’mon, Stevie! Just surrender and I’ll stop!”

Steve curled into himself. He ducked his head into his hands and pulled his knees up into his chest as he continued to laugh pathetically as Bucky tickled him. Bucky stopped for a moment before Steve involuntarily kicked into the man’s chest as Bucky started to tickle at his feet. Bucky let out a gasp as the air was knocked form him. “That’s what you get for tickling my feet!” Steve said as he tried to yank his leg away from Bucky. He scampered up and flung himself behind the couch.

Bucky stood in front of it, his hands out as he swayed from side to side, anticipating where Steve would go next.

Steve couldn’t stop the smile that had plastered itself against his face. He had forgotten moments like this. He and Bucky used to always have tickle fights when he was smaller. The second he’d start coughing though, Bucky would pull back and that was the end of it. It was nice to finally just keep going…see how the story would really play out. Sometimes Steve would look at Bucky and have to register that he was actually _real_. He wasn’t in his head. He was there. He was alive.

“You’ve got three seconds, punk,” Bucky threatened lightly. “Or I’m jumping this couch and you’re going down.”

Steve snorted. “Come at me ya jerk!”

Bucky jumped the couch. Steve caught him and slammed him into the floor a bit harder than he should have. It shook the dining room’s china cabinet. The plates rattled against each other nervously before settling.

Bucky laughed out as he twisted from Steve’s attack. He kicked one of Steve’s feet, sending the man to the floor and hopped onto him again and began tickling down his sides once more.

“Bucky!” Steve howled. “Ha! Bucky this isn’t fair!”

“Surrender!” Bucky exclaimed. “This’ll all be over once you surrender!”

“Okay! Okay!” Steve said as he held his hands up in surrender. Bucky backed off before grabbing Steve’s face and pulling him into a rough kiss. He tasted like mouthwash.

Steve relaxed into the kiss as he allowed his fingers to slip into Bucky’s long hair. It had grown down to brush against his shoulders now. It was silky smooth and felt so good to touch. Steve twisted his fingers into the soft strands as he let Bucky push him back against the floor. He felt Bucky’s flesh hand travel down his chest, following along his sternum and down to his navel where he lightly circled it before coming back up and caressing Steve’s jawline.

“I love you,” Bucky said as he broke the kiss. “More than anything.”

“Shut up ya big pansy,” Steve teased as he flicked a finger at Bucky’s nose.

Bucky pretended to sport a look of horror and outrage, but the smile was too easy to detect. He kissed Steve lightly before standing and helping Steve up. “Talk to me, baby.”

Hand-in-hand, they walked back to the couch. Bucky pulled Steve into his arms as he stroked at Steve’s hair. Steve _loved_ when Bucky played with his hair. It made the nerves in his neck tingle and sent gentle, pleasurable waves down into his shoulders. He could fall asleep like this. “Take a guess.”

“Coming out harder than you thought it’d be?” Bucky offered.

Steve chuckled. “You nearly tickled me to death and you already knew why I was upset.”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s better if I don’t make assumptions. But yeah…I knew already.”

Steve sighed heavily as he nuzzled against Bucky’s chest. “I didn’t think the hate would bother me. At first it didn’t. Then the magazines. Then the news reports. Then the opinions blasting all over Twitter.”

“Those comments about how beautiful you and TJ are as a couple mean nothing then? All cause one guy said you failed this country?”

“A lot of people seem to share his sentiment,” Steve retorted.

“Have the Avengers commented yet?”

“Nope,” Steve responded. “I’ve asked them not to. They know what’s going on though. I told Natasha before I even went out on that date with TJ.”

Bucky nodded slowly. “So…they don’t care?”

“No. They’ve met TJ. Really liked him.”

“So…the people in your life who actually matter…don’t care…and you’re upset?”

Steve shot a knowing, blank stare up at Bucky. Of course he’d find a simple, logical way to make Steve look like he was being unreasonable. He was being unreasonable… People who didn’t matter shouldn’t matter. It just was easier to let a wound sting and simmer than sew it up and move on. “Damn it, Bucky.”

Bucky laughed lightly. “Hey! I’m just sayin’!”

“I can’t help it,” Steve said softer. “It’s just…an adjustment.”

“So don’t let them dictate how you adjust?” Bucky supplied. “Go do one of those interviews with TJ. That’d mean the world to him.”

Steve smiled weakly. TJ had been upset about Steve’s declaration of using the Avengers as his backbone when he finally talked to someone. He just felt that if he had names like Iron Man, Falcon, Black Widow and Hawkeye behind him…people wouldn’t hate on him so hard. He was probably wrong. Why did it even matter if people hated him? He’d never been one to care so long ago. People hated him for how he looked, how he had to call off work a lot, how short he was…how weak he’d been… Why did it matter so much now? “Which interviewer should I pick?”

Bucky let out a hearty laugh as he tossed his head back. “Hell if I know! Ask TJ!”

Steve allowed a genuine smile to play at his lips. “You and him doing better?”

“We’re working on it. There’re a few things I wanna talk about with you but…now’s not the time.”

“Is everything okay?” Steve asked in a tense tone. He felt his heart lurch up into his throat. Steve’s biggest fear was one of them voicing their dissatisfaction at their relationship. His biggest fear was having to choose between them…

“It’s okay,” Bucky said softly. “Don’t get your panties in a wad. Just something me n’ you need to talk about sometime. But right now I’m more concerned about you.”

Steve hated when people said that. He would sit there and dwell about what they wanted to talk about and he’d stress himself out sick till they’d finally tell him what it was. It was never anything serious either! He’d spend more time agonizing over the idea of what it could be than the actual conversation.

“Take a deep breath, baby,” Bucky whispered. “If people start making you nervous…just take a big breath. Know that whatever happens, I’ll be right here on this couch rooting you on.”

Steve laughed awkwardly. “I wish you could come with us.”

“Yeah,” Bucky drawled. “Gotta wait for my big debut. Meetin’ the president and shit.”

“Oh-hoh! Mr. Big-Shot, huh?”

“Hell yeah. Moving up in the world, baby!” Bucky answered happily. He pressed a soft kiss atop Steve’s head. “You’ll be great.”

Steve pushed his face into Bucky’s chest. Steve’s heart was fluttering wildly in _his_ chest as his nerves sang out their cries. He hoped he’d be great…

* * *

 

Steve was pacing the dressing room like a lion in a cage. TJ watched from the sidelines. His gaze following left and following right as Steve continued. Steve didn’t want to do this anymore. He wanted to just go home, crawl into Bucky’s arms and force him to talk about whatever it was he mentioned before. Damn him for dropping that and then refusing to speak about it for the rest of the day! Bucky knew how much Steve hated that kind of stuff!

Oprah had been all too happy to have Captain America decide it was her show that’d he’d finally break his silence to. TJ had called her that same morning and by the following evening, here they were. Steve had originally asked if this could be an interview in the Hammond house but the secret service weren’t having any of that around Elaine Barrish. So here they were. On location. Steve had performed in front of crowds before but it felt like eons ago at this point. This crowd obviously would be supportive of him. They’d paid to come see him after all. According to TJ, once Oprah tweeted about Steve being on the show today, all the rest of her seats sold out in seconds and there was a crowd of people outside the studio with posters. Not all of them good… Steve had glossed over the supportive ones and his eyes focused right on the negative ones. “God hates fags,” was his personal favorite…

“Ready Captain Rogers?” a woman with a headset asked as she poked her head into the room.

Steve stopped pacing. He shoved his hands into his pockets and let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He nodded tightly.

TJ stood up to slide in front of Steve. He offered the most adorable, supportive smile as he dusted off Steve’s shoulders. “You look great in Gucci,” he said.

“I could rent a place in Brooklyn for several months with how much this suit costs…” Steve retorted.

TJ laughed. “Does it make you feel good?”

“Sorta,” Steve answered with a crooked-smile.

“It’s important to look your best when you feel your worst,” TJ stated. He straightened up Steve’s tie and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “And you look your absolute best.”

“That’s great,” Steve answered. “Because I feel my worst.”

TJ smiled a full, bright smile. The soft beginnings of crows’ feet at the corners of his eyes creased. He looked truly happy. Maybe he was. Maybe this was more important to him than Steve really knew. They were publically coming out as a couple. The world would know. TJ was so uncertain where he stood with Steve. He needed this. This would push TJ in the direction of realizing that Steve wasn’t just using him. Steve wanted TJ just as much as TJ wanted him. A soft flutter tickled the inside of Steve’s chest at the thought. He was more than okay with this if it meant TJ would be happy.

Steve returned the smile, pulling TJ into an embrace and placed a gentle, soft kiss atop those silken lips. He pulled TJ into him, pressing flesh against the other man. TJ’s breath hitched in the back of his throat as he slipped his tongue over Steve’s bottom lip.

Steve pulled back, pressing a feather-light kiss over TJ’s nose.

“What was that for?” TJ asked dreamily.

“I love you, TJ,” Steve responded. He grabbed TJ’s hand and together they walked down the hallway being led by the girl with the headset.

Steve could feel his feet getting heavier and heavier with each step. He was terrified. He felt rocks piling up at the base of his spine as he kept being weighed down. His whole body was protesting this. He had no idea what kind of questions were going to be posed and he had no idea if everyone in that room right now was here to support and not hate.

_‘Why does it matter? The ones you love, love you.’_

“Ladies and gentlemen,” a woman’s voice said proudly. Steve knew it was Oprah. They’d met briefly before he’d been ushered into makeup. Man he hated wearing makeup. It made him feel like a thick slime was against his face. “It’s my greatest honor to introduce you to, the great, the one-and-only, Captain America and TJ Hammond!”

TJ grabbed Steve’s hand as they walked out onto the set over the roar of applause. Steve smiled shyly, ducking his chin from embarrassment. TJ, the natural, was waving and making eye-contact with the crowd.

They took their place on the white couch and TJ still continued to lace his fingers with Steve’s. The contact was honestly grounding. Steve felt like he’d fly away if TJ wasn’t there to hold him down.

Oprah leaned forward. Her smile was radiant against her smooth skin. She looked between TJ and Steve for a moment before saying, “So…there’s a lot to talk about.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah…I guess there is.”

“So can I just cut right into the biggest question?” Oprah asked.

Steve shrugged, looking over at TJ, silently asking for permission. TJ shrugged back.

“You two are dating?” she asked.

“We are dating,” TJ answered simply.

Steve hadn’t expected the applause or the cheers, but there they were. The crowd drowned out the sounds of the lights buzzing and the gentle hum of the heat pumping through the vents. He looked out at the faces that made up that crowd. They were all smiling. There were many gay couples, cheering, kissing and holding hands. Steve felt his heart swell. He’d never expected this. He’d never expected anyone to…care so much? He’d never thought about how much this could mean to a community that had been forced aside to hide in fear of hatred and repression. He truly meant something to these people now.

After the crowd died down, Oprah turned back to Steve. “So, how’d you two meet?”

Steve pursed his lips. “Uh, it was at a dinner party actually. His brother’s a fan of mine and introduced me to TJ.”

“Senator Richard Blumenthal, you’re personally responsible for this,” TJ joked as he pointed into the camera and winked.

Steve and Oprah both laughed. This was a lot easier than Steve thought. It was just a conversation…that was being filmed and broadcast across the country and potentially even the world. _‘Bucky’s watching…’_

“How long have you two been seeing each other?” Oprah asked.

“Almost seven months,” TJ responded automatically. Steve was proud that he knew with acute accuracy how long they’d been together.

Oprah’s mouth dropped. “You’ve managed to keep this a secret for that long? Why’d you keep it such a secret?!”

Steve could feel his face go red. He leaned back on the couch, scooting closer to TJ. “Well,” he began. “I’m kind of Captain America—”

“Oh, just kind of,” Oprah teased.

Steve laughed. “Yeah, just kind of. So…no…I don’t know. We were pretty busy for most of it. We spent three months up in New York after the attack on D.C for my recovery—”

“You took three months to recover?” Oprah interjected.

“Oh, no! No…I was pretty set to go a few weeks after the Winter Soldier kicked my ass,” Steve teased. He didn’t expect the laughter that bubbled from the crowd, but there it was. It honestly was jarring to hear them laugh when what the Winter Soldier had been capable of was disastrous. They didn’t know that the Winter Soldier wouldn’t hurt them again. For all they knew, he was out there. It _terrified_ Steve to hear them laugh at such a name being mentioned. “We just needed some time to get away after all that. It was a pretty intense time with S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA.”

“You don’t think your talents were needed in DC?” she asked.

Steve furrowed his brow as he sat back, relaxing a bit more into the conversation. He rested one ankle over his knee as he wrapped his arm around TJ. “I’m more of the punching kind. They needed politicians to aid with the aftermath of that. And a lot of lawyers.” Again, there was that laughter from the crowd.

“So you two went to New York and did what? Revisit home?”

Steve wrinkled up his nose. “No. We rented a cabin up in the woods and kind of hid out.”

“Why hide? HYDRA have something to do with it? The Winter Soldier?”

Steve bit his lip. It’d be so much easier if the world knew that they didn’t have anything to fear when it came to the Winter Soldier. “No. It was more that I would just be in the way. Best to let professionals take care of it.”

“I also thought Steve died when the helicarriers crashed. I was with my mom and a few other government officials and we were watching the live feeds,” TJ said. He took a deep breath. “I thought I was watching Steve die…so…we just needed some time together.”

Oprah’s face laced with sympathy as she nodded softly. “I can’t imagine how terrified you must have felt.”

TJ laughed awkwardly as he scratched at his nose. “When I first started seeing Steve, I kind of forgot how important he is to the world. He spent a lot of time with me, just one-on-one helping me get over my coke habit and kinda tryin’ to help me turn my life around. When HYDRA attacked DC, it was more of me realizing that I had to share Steve with the world and that’s a big sacrifice for me. I’m not a good sharer.”

Oprah laughed. “I mean, look at him! I wouldn’t want to share that either!”

The crowd laughed. Steve couldn’t find this more ironic, considering TJ _was_ sharing Steve…

“So, Captain, why now?”

Steve bit his lip as he took a moment to think. “Because I shouldn’t care? The people who are important to me should matter more than the opinions of Fox News? The Avengers love TJ. I love TJ. I think TJ’s family actually likes me−”

The crowd laughed softly.

“I guess I just wanted to stop letting it define me as a coward. I’ve faced Loki and the Red Skull. People with opinions shouldn’t scare me.”

“But I’m guessing they did?” Oprah inquired.

Steve nodded. “Yeah,” he said carefully. “Back when I was growin’ up, being an invert was a pretty big death sentence. You’d either get reported to the cops or you’d get killed walking down the street. In the service, it was a punishable offense so… I guess I’ve just got the fear of what used to be still in me.”

“Invert means gay?” Oprah asked. “Did you always know you were gay?” she asked.

Steve laughed awkwardly. “Invert means gay, yeah and I’m…I’m actually not gay. I was romantically involved with Peggy Carter during World War II.”

“So you’re bisexual?” she clarified.

Steve nodded. “Yes.”

There were a few “woots” that erupted from the crowd. Steve laughed. This was a lot easier than he thought it’d be. It was safer. TJ was sitting, content, by Steve’s side. Oprah was smiling as Steve was sure her views were climbing. No one was shouting slurs or threats, at least not here. He couldn’t be sure about what was going on outside the studio.

“So what drew you to TJ and not a women then?”

Steve swallowed. This was dangerous territory. Bucky was scheduled to be “revealed” by a political press conference. He was right now on lockdown and asked to be kept secret, but Steve had such a history there… Bucky was the reason Steve irrationally had sex with TJ in the back of a limo upon the first hour of their meeting…

“Uh,” Steve said eloquently. “So that bisexual thing? I’m sure you’re all familiar with the name Bucky Barnes?”

A few cheers erupted from the crowd. Oprah’s brows shot up into her hairline.

“I was…also romantically involved with him. TJ’s kind of a frightening resemblance to Bucky. But we’re pretty sure they don’t have any form of relation to each other.”

“Can we bring up a picture of Sergeant Barnes?” Oprah asked to the side at one of her crewmen. Behind Steve on the projector, a picture of Bucky in his military dress was displayed. He looked beautiful and strong as ever. It fluttered Steve’s heart knowing that Bucky was alive to see this. That he was sitting on a couch probably next to TJ’s grandma and Doug laughing about how stupid he looks in this picture.

“Oh my God!” Oprah exclaimed. “He’s your twin!”

TJ laughed. “Yeah…we’re still trying to figure it out, but we can’t find any family ties.”

“So you started dating TJ because of his resemblance?” Oprah asked.

Steve tossed his head from side to side as he mulled the question over. “Yes and no? I was initially attracted to him because of his face but I stayed because of who he is. He’s got such an energy that’s infectious. The fact that he’s on point when it comes to what I want a guy to look like is kind of a plus…”

The crowd laughed.

“So, I want to divert a bit,” Oprah began as she shifted in her chair. “So you were involved with Peggy Carter and Sergeant Barnes. What was the timeline there?”

Steve pursed his lips. “Uh…I was with Bucky since we realized we both liked boys, so that was around…early teens?” Steve scratched at his knee. “I started seeing Peggy pretty shortly after I joined the army.”

“How did Sergeant Barnes take the breakup?”

Steve’s eyes rounded. “Oh…shit. Oh! No! I mean shoot!”

The crowd laughed loudly. TJ was even giggling softly.

“So…I guess since I’ve already ruined Captain America’s image, I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore…” Steve began. “I was dating both of them at the same time. I never stopped being with Bucky till he…fell.” Steve refused to say “died.” Bucky didn’t die. He was alive. He was watching…

Oprah’s eyes widened. “And did they know about each other?”

“Yes,” Steve responded. “Bucky was very supportive of my relationship with Peggy. Peggy wasn’t actually aware of my involvement with Bucky till we formed the Howling Commandos, but when we finally told her, she was very supportive of Bucky as well.”

“You are absolutely fascinating,” Oprah said as she rested her chin in her palm.

“Oh, thank you,” Steve said casually. He was rewarded with a light chuckle from the audience.

“So,” Oprah began. “I guess this is the part where I surprise you instead.”

Steve’s brows raised in curiosity as Oprah turned behind her, looking at the end of the stage.

Steve stood up when he saw a flash of red hair, a man with long blonde locks and a familiar black goatee. “Holy shit!” Steve shouted as the Avengers ran out to greet him. Steve instantly ran for them.

They hadn’t seen each other since he introduced them to TJ months ago, before Bucky came back, but Thor hadn’t been there and he was now. Steve ran into the man, receiving a tight bear hug as the god swung him around once.

The crowd was roaring with applause as they gave a standing ovation.

Steve couldn’t stop smiling. It wasn’t like he couldn’t just call up the Avengers and see them, but this meant a bit more to him. They were here to support Steve. They were here to show the world that they accepted Steve for who he was. Steve felt his whole body tingle in exhilaration.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome my surprise guests, the Avengers!” Oprah shouted over the crowd.

TJ sat there with his mouth open wide and smiling. Natasha came over to him and pulled him up into a hug.

Steve was scooted back into TJ as they all piled onto the couch. Thor and Clint remained standing behind the sofa.

“So how long has it been since you all saw each other?” Oprah asked.

“Couple months,” Tony responded. He pat Steve on the knee. “Enough time to let this guy unleash hell on DC.”

The crowd chuckled.

“How long have you known about Captain Rogers’ bisexuality?” Oprah asked.

Natasha scoffed. “Since the first day I met him.”

Clint nodded. “It’s kind of obvious once you talk to him.”

“Oh really?” Steve defended with a playful look on his features. “Thought you were gay the first time I met you, Barton!”

“Well, I was trying to kill you,” Clint retorted with a smartass smile.

“Did any of you really have an opinion though?” Oprah asked.

“Pff,” Tony responded. “I think when we all met TJ; we were really seeing Steve for the first time. We all grew up with stories about Captain America and all the political bullshit that surrounded him, well except Thor; he didn’t grow up with stories of Cap. Captain America was a fictional character in a history book. When Steve brought TJ up to the tower, I think the only opinion we all had was, “Oh, he actually considers me a friend!”

The Avengers all shared looks of nods and responded with silent “yeah’s.”

“Were you nervous about meeting them, TJ?” Oprah asked.

TJ laughed. “Oh sweet Jesus, I was terrified. But they were all really nice…so.” He shrugged. “I got over my fear pretty quickly.”

“Well, it looks like our time is almost up, so one last question,” Oprah said. “How do you feel, Captain?”

Steve’s mouth dropped open. It was such a simple question but Steve couldn’t find any words to really supplement how he felt. His heart was racing. His feet were tingling. He felt warm sitting next to TJ and Tony. He felt safe? He felt exposed and terrified? He wasn’t sure if he was hungry or thirsty or about to vomit? It was indescribable.

“I feel…” he began slowly. “Like I just wanna go toss a few beers back with my friends?”

Oprah laughed. “Well ladies and gentlemen, in true fashion please look under your seats to discover your parting gift from me for being here with us today with Captain Rogers and the Avengers. Let’s give them a round of applause for all they’ve done for our country!”

The crowd stood up, roaring with their applause and whistles. Steve felt like his heart was attempting to burrow out of his chest from how vulnerable he felt. Everyone knew now. It’d be on every dark corner of the internet. Every newspaper. He was out. Bucky was even out by accident… Though no one knew he was actually alive. The Avengers didn’t even know…

He leaned into Tony to speak into his ear, “You’re flying back to DC with us right?”

Tony leaned into Steve. “We figured that’d be the plan. Got the quinjet.”

Steve nodded. “Kinda have a lot to drop on you guys…”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

* * *

 

After the interview, Oprah had come backstage to once again give her thanks and well-wishes to TJ and Steve. She’d been very kind and genuine. Steve was glad that he’d selected her show as the one to “come out” on. He was also thrilled she’d managed to get the Avengers to pop in. Once it was time to leave though, Steve found his feet becoming lead as he stared at the door that led to the alley where he and TJ’s driver was waiting.

“You alright, Steve?” Natasha asked.

“I just came out. Officially.”

Natasha nodded. “How do you feel?”

“Terrified.”

“Everyone likes to say their opinion. Let the ones that matter ring loudest. Don’t let the hate get to you,” Natasha stated. She walked over to the door as she placed her hand around the knob. “There’s going to be a lot of hate. For all of us. We’re in this together.”

Steve nodded tightly. It was encouraging to know that the Avengers were sharing this journey with him. They’d protect him and support him against the roars of hate and the biting media headlines. TJ would do his best to gather supporters with his influence. Steve had a great support system for this. He wasn’t sure if anyone else in the world struggling with this had such a system.

Natasha opened the door. Security was struggling to hold people back as people shouted and held out pictures of Captain America and TJ or other Avengers for them to sign.

Steve felt his feet go numb.

“You okay?” TJ asked.

“A little overwhelmed.”

“C’mon. You’ve done this before. It’s no different from then.” TJ walked out first with Natasha right behind. Steve was glad that she seemed very smitten with TJ. He wished she’d stay back in DC.

TJ turned around, holding out his hand to Steve. Steve fumbled forward, grabbing TJ’s hand and feeling that grounding sense of security hold him fast against his other lover. Steve was greeted by screaming fans and people professing how much Steve meant to them. He signed a few autographs and posed for a few selfies. It was enjoyable. At least for a time.

As Steve was holding up a phone for a girl to get a selfie with him and TJ, someone threw what looked to be a slushie at TJ. The red, icy liquid stained deep into TJ’s gray suit. Natasha’s head whipped around as she searched for the perpetrator. She jumped into the crowd and disappeared.

“Faggot!” someone else screamed before running away. Steve wanted to go after him. He could. He could run that person down and…what? Hurt him? Did Steve really want to hurt him?

Yes. The answer was yes. Steve bolted into the crowd, pushing people aside and accidently stepping on people’s feet. He chased after the guy. It wasn’t hard to run him down, despite the crowd. Steve picked him up by the back of his shirt and threw him against a wall. “The fuck did you say to me?” Steve screamed.

The man cowered against the wall. “Y-you’re a faggot! A dick sucking faggot!” he choked.

Steve raised his fist to punch the man when someone’s hand wrapped around Steve’s wrist.

Steve turned to see Tony. His brown eyes were begging, pleading Steve to put his hand down. “Steve…he’s not worth it…”

People had surrounded Steve. Some were cheering him on, telling him to show the homophobe who was boss; the others were staring with horrified, round eyes. Some were still shouting slurs.

“Steve!” TJ shouted as he pulled at Steve’s arm. “Please can we go?” Steve instantly released the man he’d chased down. He spit in Steve’s face, but ran off. Steve was shaking with rage as he wiped the spit from his face. His fingers were burning and he fought against every fiber of his being that wanted to slam his fists into the brick wall. He’d wanted to hurt that guy. He’d wanted to…hurt…that guy.

Security fought the wave of people that seemed to no longer be interested in autographs but concern for TJ as they attempted to push forward to him. Steve was so shocked at his initial desire to…hurt someone…that he wasn’t entirely sure how his face looked right now or why he wasn’t moving. He was stuck. Arms shoved at him as he was finally uprooted and pushed further into the car that waited for him and TJ.

He turned back to see Thor sporting a gentle, apologetic look with a small, supportive smile. “We’ll handle this. You two should leave.”

Tony gave him a wave from behind.

Steve didn’t respond.

The car slowly pulled out of the alleyway. People were lined on both sides. Some people were cheering. Some were holding signs that continued to rip into Steve’s body and pull large, raw chunks from his skin. “God hates fags,” “Captain Dicksucker.”

“Steve?” TJ called through a raw, broken voice.

Steve looked at TJ. His suit was completely ruined and he was shivering lightly from the cold slushie that oozed into the fabric of his suit. “TJ…” Steve finally said. “I’m so sorry.”

TJ shrugged. “I’ve had worse experiences.” He turned his face to the front of the limo. “Hey Dan? Can you crank the heat up?”

“Sure, sir,” the driver responded.

TJ began peeling the layers off his body, shrugging the blazer off and unbuttoning his shirt. His undershirt was even stained red.

Steve felt anger boil in the deepest pits of his stomach. He’d wanted to hurt that man. He’d wanted to bust his lip open or break his jaw. Steve had wanted to hurt…a civilian. He wasn’t at war with them. He wasn’t facing down an enemy. They were regular people. They were regular people and Steve wanted to hurt them. It terrified him into the core of his bones.

Steve pulled TJ into him. He wrapped his arms around his shivering lover as they lay on the backseat of the limo. This limo… It reminded him of the first limo Steve had ever made love to TJ in. At first, it was “taking care of” TJ…but now Steve looked back as it was the first night he’d made love to his boyfriend. He’d do anything for TJ. He almost did. He almost hurt someone…

“I’ve become my biggest fear,” Steve stated.

TJ nestled his face against the crook of Steve’s neck. “And that is?”

“A letdown.”

TJ didn’t respond for a moment. The car bounced softly as it went over a pothole. “You’re not a letdown.”

“I almost hurt a civilian, TJ. I wanted to.”

“Someone chucked a slushie at me. They deserve it.”

Steve sighed angrily. “That’s the problem, TJ,” he spat. “I’m supposed to be better than that. I’m supposed to rise above this. I wanted to beat his fucking face in. I could have _killed_ him!”

TJ pressed a kiss against Steve’s collarbone. “But you didn’t.”

“If Tony hadn’t stopped me…”

“You would have stopped yourself,” TJ finished. “I know you. You would never hurt a civilian.”

Steve looked out the window as he felt the limo heat up. “I dunno,” he mused. “I think I’d do a lot of things I’d never do if it meant protecting you.”

TJ hugged against Steve tighter. He sniffed.

Steve looked down to see tears sliding down TJ’s face. “TJ!”

“I’m happy, Steve. I don’t care what’s gonna happen after today,” his voice cracked. “Hearing you say that just…I’m just happy.”

Steve looked back out the window again. The crowds had died down. It was now back to business as usual outside. Dan the driver had a long journey home, but not before he dropped Steve and TJ off at the meeting point with the quinjet. Shit…this was a total nightmare. The media was already polarized about Steve’s revealed sexual identity. Now that he’d attacked a civilian…this was it.

Steve had killed Captain America.

* * *

 

Bucky had already seen the news reports before Steve had even had a chance to explain why he’d done what he’d done. Each station was covering the “incident” that occurred outside Oprah’s studio. Bucky had seen the red splash against TJ’s body. At first, Bucky had been horrified as it had looked like blood, but when it was revealed it was something called a “slushie” and that it was a drink, Bucky was a lot calmer. He was still upset. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t mature. It wasn’t honorable.

Then he’d seen Steve take off down the street after someone. He’d seen Tony Stark stop Captain America from attacking a regular person. Elaine was already on the phone with her news contacts as she tried to spin the story to make Steve look like he’d been protecting TJ. Apparently this was what was called “a PR disaster.”

Bucky sat on the couch, watching another news station report on the events that occurred earlier that day. He sighed silently as he sat between Anne and TJ’s grandmother. They were all jittery and jagged. It was as if any of them moved a certain way that they’d all burst into shattered glass. Bucky could relate. He’d have to face Steve’s guilt and anger later and attempt to console TJ and try to explain how it wasn’t TJ’s fault. Steve would feel he’d let down the world and TJ would feel he’d let down Steve. He knew what was coming.

Then the door finally opened.

TJ came in first wearing nothing but his pants. Elaine was over to him in seconds as she put a sweater around his torso and uttered soft words of encouragement and apology. TJ’s father followed behind, trying to offer words of support and uttered a slew of curses at whoever threw the slushie in the first place.

Bucky’s eyes widened as Steve was accompanied by the Avengers. The only one missing seemed to be Bruce Banner. Even the Asgardian, Thor, was here.

Bucky stood up as he slunk back into the dining room. He didn’t want them to see him. He didn’t’ know what Steve had already told them about him. A phone call with a heads up would have been nice, but Bucky was sure Steve had been very preoccupied about what had happened after Oprah. He’d done so well on the show. He’d been charming, polite and utterly adorable. Bucky had watched the twitter feeds the entire time and so many were pouring their outcries of how amazing Captain America was. It was a whole other jungle now… Even those who’d once uttered praise were now voicing uncertain opinions about Steve’s behavior. Bucky hated how Steve was under a microscope constantly. It wasn’t fair. Was life going to be like this for Bucky once the president announced his existence? He didn’t know if he could tolerate that. Bucky was still more than aware he had a lot to work through. He still checked exists before entering a room. He still made sure he knew how to kill everyone in a room if things went south… He jumped at loud noises and the sounds of trains off in the distance made his stomach churn.

He didn’t know if he could handle being so scrutinized like Steve. He didn’t think he had that strength.

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve asked. Bucky winced as he pushed himself into a corner in the dark dining room. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“He was… Anne?” Elaine asked. “Where’d he go?”

“He was sitting on the couch just a second ago?” Anne responded.

Steve walked into the dining room. His shoulders relaxed as he saw Bucky in the unlit corner. “Your arm’s giving you away, Soldier,” Steve teased. “I want you to meet some people.”

“I…” Bucky responded. “I don’t know if I should.”

Steve took a step closer. “Why not, Buck?”

“Don’t they hate me?”

“I explained everything to them. They don’t hate you,” Steve responded. “C’mon, Buck.” Steve came to stand in front of Bucky. He offered out a hand.

Bucky took it as he laced his fingers into Steve’s. “I saw what happened today…” Bucky said.

“Yeah?” Steve answered. “The world calling for my head?”

“Some are, yeah,” Bucky responded. “Some people still see you as a guy just trying to be accepted. You’re not without people who love you.”

“I know,” Steve stated simply. “I’ve got you.”

Bucky chuckled. “You sap.”

They walked back into the living room. The house was large, but right now it felt cramped and small with Thor’s wide shoulders, Tony Stark’s presence… Bud Hammond, Elaine Barrish… Such giants. Bucky felt tiny. He was ushered right up to the Avengers, like a steak on a plate as it was ready to be devoured. He felt his muscles tighten up. He didn’t like this. Frantically, Bucky’s gaze searched for a way to escape this. He wanted out. His heart was racing…

“Steve’s told us a lot about you,” Thor greeted. “I’m Thor, Son of Odin. It is a pleasure, Bucky.” He held out his hand. Bucky stared at it for a moment before he felt a gentle push at his lower back. He reached up and shook the god’s hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Bucky mumbled.

Tony watched with calculating eyes. “Stark. Tony Stark.”

“Bucky.” He shook Tony’s hand.

“Looks like we’re going to be ordering a lot of pizza,” Elaine stated.

“I’ll pick up the tab,” Tony said. “Thor eats at least five boxes by himself and I’m sure you’ve figured out that Steve eats constantly for at least three.”

Elaine laughed. “He and Bucky have been eating me out of house and home!”

Bucky offered a shy, uncertain smile.

“So, the president’s gonna out you huh?” Tony asked as he took a seat on the couch. “You excited?”

“I’d rather just keep hidden,” Bucky responded honestly. “After seeing Steve today…” Bucky sighed. “I don’t know if I can take that kind of pressure.”

Steve scoffed. “I want to pretend like today didn’t happen.”

“So…you…three,” Clint Barton began. “You three are…all involved? Together?”

“Clint,” Natasha chastised. “That’s rude.”

TJ laughed. “Yeah. Steve apparently only dates two people at a time.”

The room reverberated with gentle laughter. Bucky felt a bit easier now that no one really seemed to care who he was. No one asked him questions. No one talked about HYDRA. No one prodded about his arm. It was as if he was…normal.

“I’m gonna go help Elaine order pizzas,” Tony said as he stood up. “Be right back.”

Steve took a seat in the plush armchair. Bucky slid against its arm to use as a seat. He didn’t want to get too comfortable in case something changed in this casual encounter. He didn’t know how to feel about the Avengers. He didn’t want to distrust them. He knew how important they were to Steve but he wasn’t sure if they were being kind to him because of Steve or because they genuinely understood where Bucky’s previous situation.  

“Jesus,” TJ said as he scrolled through his phone. “So…good news? People feel really bad for me. Bad news? People are using your outburst as a reason to get you stripped of your military standing.”

“Why do they always go after that?” Steve asked. “It’s not like the government can take me out of the Avengers. I can’t be put in jail for getting pissed off.”

“You could be sued though,” Margaret, TJ’s grandmother, stated as she took a drink from her martini. “You assaulted someone.”

Steve inhaled deeply through his nose; nodding softly in acceptance. “Yeah…”

“He won’t sue,” Natasha said. “He’s probably too stupid and putting Steve on a stage will only make it easier for him to give one of his speeches and the world will go back to eating from the palm of his hand.”

“My speeches aren’t that great,” Steve retorted.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Oh Steve…seriously? Your speeches from the war are in history books… I remember them too.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “They were pep talks!”

“That’s a lot of pep,” Margaret replied sarcastically.

“Steve,” Natasha said. “Stop blaming yourself.”

Steve leaned forward, allowing a shaky laugh to slip past his lips. He rubbed his hands over his face as he groaned a bit. “Can we just stop talking about today? Let’s talk about pizza or…a baseball game?”

“I’ve never been to a baseball game,” Thor stated.

“You’re not missing much,” TJ stated. “I hate baseball.”

“What!” Steve exclaimed. “Baseball is…it’s an American tradition!”

Bucky laughed lightly as he softly caressed the back of Steve’s skull. “Steve’s always been obsessed with baseball.”

TJ shrugged. “I like wrestling. Watching men wearing barely anything get all up in each other’s junk…it’s like watching porn but you can watch it without worrying someone’s gonna open your door and catch you.”

That elicited a few laughs.

The night progressed casually. No one mentioned Steve’s outburst. No one mentioned the Oprah interview. No one even said a single thing about HYDRA. It was like these people knew exactly what they weren’t supposed to talk about and catered to that. Bucky was thankful. It was refreshing to see the people who had cared for Steve when he wasn’t around. It was…nice to know that Steve had others out there still. Sam Wilson and a few other names were tossed around. Bucky was reminded that Sam was the man with the metal wings. It was the only moment where Bucky was worried they’d talk about his lesser moments, but after the casual description, it was back to pleasant conversation.

Steve had a family in this life. Bucky loved watching them interact, tease and jab at each other as if they’d been life-long friends. When Bucky’s memories started to resurface, he’d been so scared that Steve felt alone in this life. He felt guilty for not coming back to Steve instantly but there had been so many things Bucky needed to work out. Some of those things were still left unresolved. Bucky felt like he’d been abandoning Steve. Now he didn’t have to carry that regret. He was seeing a family blossom before his eyes. These people would fight tooth and nail for Steve. Every single person in this room from god to billionaire to politician. They loved Steve. Bucky had never felt so relieved.

* * *

 

When the time came for the triad to finally retreat to their bedroom, Tony Stark was passed out, drunk, on the floor from entering a foolish drinking game with Thor. Natasha was casually curled up on the couch with Clint on the other side and Thor had left to go see someone named Jane. He’d said his goodbyes and well-wishes to Steve and then pulled Steve into the strongest bear hug Bucky had ever seen.

Steve had stood out in the backyard and watched Thor wind up his hammer and shoot into the sky. He lingered there, looking around into the darkness. Bucky was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Steve had been given a moment of reprieve by his friends. He’d been allowed to forget all that had happened today and now it was all coming back. Bucky knew the guilt Steve carried on those shoulders. It’s why they became so broad.

“He okay?” TJ asked.

Bucky looked over, giving TJ a once-over before sighing lightly. “He’s upset.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed him,” TJ responded regretfully.

Bucky wrapped his metal arm around TJ’s shoulders. “You didn’t push him. He wanted this.”

“I shouldn’t’ have made him go on that interview. We could have just ignored it and let people come to their own conclusions.”

Bucky grimaced. He had two lovers who carried too much guilt on their shoulders. “Guys like you and Steve don’t get the luxury of hiding like that. You’re in the spotlight. Things are different for you.”

“You sure you’re okay with my mom letting the president announce your existence?” TJ asked as he looked up into Bucky’s eyes. He was slouching. It was the only reason he appeared shorter. Bucky would occasionally forget just how _identical_ he was to TJ. He could point out the smallest differences in them. TJ’s frame was smaller and he looked younger despite being _technically_ older. But they were identical. It was a thread Bucky never wanted to pull and yet he wanted to know why so badly. Why was this man a carbon copy of himself? Was nature that fixated on Bucky Barnes or was there something else?

“I’m not really okay with it, no,” Bucky answered honestly. “But I need to. It’s how I can protect that punk.” Bucky motioned with his head in the direction of Steve. “He’s reckless. Has no concern for his well-being. Way too self-sacrificing. He needs someone out there to make sure he comes home at the end of the day.”

“I wish I could do that,” TJ lamented. He jut his jaw out bitterly for a moment. “I hate that I can’t do anything for you two.”

“You’re doing a lot for Steve,” Bucky reminded. “You’re kinda like his publicist. He needs someone like you just as much as he needs someone like me.”

“All I do is post pictures on the internet,” TJ stated flatly.

“You humanize him. You make him real to people who think of him as a symbol or unreal. You make people love him.”

“And hate him…” TJ chimed.

“You’ll never admit to yourself how much you’ve helped him, will you?” Bucky stated. His tone wasn’t aggressive but it was final and absolute. He pulled his arm back and went to leaning against the doorframe again as he stared at Steve. “That man wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you.”

TJ laughed darkly. “Oh sure.”

“I’m not kidding, TJ,” Bucky said curtly. “Steve would have killed himself if he hadn’t found you.”

TJ’s face paled as his eyes rounded with innocence. “How do you know?” he asked softly.

“Because I know him. Steve’s always been selfless but there’s a difference between selflessness and carelessness. You put the two together and you have deeply depressed man.”

“But he’s still careless.”

“We can’t magically cure him, TJ.” Bucky watched as Steve walked the hedges alone, clearly lost in his thoughts. “Depression isn’t something that just goes away. PTSD isn’t something that just cures up like a pimple. Trust me. It’s a process that takes a lifetime. But I know Steve. I know that if he didn’t have you, his behavior would have been worse and he’d have gotten himself killed. I only saw a glimpse of it up on the helicarrier but that was enough to know how depressed he is.” Bucky shrugged. “Today…probably made it worse. He needs us.”

TJ didn’t answer. He walked out into the night. His skin was illuminated by the gentle, silver rays of moonlight. Steve turned to him with a confused gaze. TJ wrapped his arms around Steve; showering his face with tiny, frantic kisses. Steve’s hands went to TJ’s hips as he pulled TJ into him; pressing his mouth against TJ’s.

Bucky smiled softly from the doorway. Steve had a beautiful new family. He had a beautiful boyfriend. He had Bucky when he needed to be knocked upside the head. Hopefully it’d be enough to make him happy. Hopefully it’d be enough to make him forget how cruel the world could be and would be to him.

Bucky joined his boyfriends out in the backyard. He walked around Steve; watching his tongue slip into TJ’s mouth. He pressed his chest to Steve’s back and began kissing the back of his neck and licking up his ear. Steve’s breath caught in the back of his throat.

Steve used one hand to grab at Bucky’s hand and laced their fingers as he continued to kiss TJ. He pulled Bucky’s hand around his chest and pressed it into his sternum. Bucky softly chewed at Steve’s earlobe before trailing soft, wet kisses down his neck and sucking at the top vertebrae in Steve’s spine.

TJ’s hands trailed from Steve’s chest, sliding over Bucky’s hand and down to his pants where he palmed over Steve’s cock. He rocked his hips into Steve, pushing Steve back into Bucky slightly. Bucky steadied himself against the two of them as he braced one leg back to hold against their movement. He kissed up the back of Steve’s neck and over to his right earlobe. He gently nipped at the cartilage, licking the curve of his ear before kissing the crook of Steve’s neck.

“What’re you two doing?” Steve finally asked in a breathy, surprised voice. “We’re outside.”

“We love you,” TJ said. “We just want you to know that.”

“I do know that.”

Bucky laughed. “Well shut up and let us love you then.”

“Outside? What if Elaine looks out her window?” Steve asked as he craned his neck to look at Bucky.

Bucky smiled darkly. “Let’s hope she doesn’t look out her window. I wanna make love to you under the moon. Like we used to.”

Steve nodded as his lips parted hungrily. He turned back to TJ, placing a loud, wet kiss against those curved lips of TJ’s. Bucky reached around Steve, running his hands up and down Steve’s thighs and caressing them over Steve’s ass; squeezing lightly. He continued to kiss down Steve’s neck, licking and nipping occasionally.

Steve moaned softly into TJ’s mouth as he rocked against the smaller man. He wrapped his arms around TJ, pulling him flesh against his body as he sucked against TJ’s lips.

Bucky unzipped Steve’s pants, letting them drop to the ground. Steve kicked them out from under him. He rocked his ass back into Bucky, brushing it against Bucky’s cock. Bucky growled in approval as he nipped at Steve’s earlobe. Steve’s ass caressed over Bucky’s cock each time TJ would push at him gently. Bucky fought hard not to rock up and into Steve’s ass. He wanted this to last. Steve needed to know how loved he was.

TJ pulled Steve’s shirt over his head, forcing Bucky to break his kisses for a moment. TJ hungrily lapped at Steve’s chest, swirling his tongue against Steve’s pink nipples. His slurping was loud as he encircled the swelling nipple with his tongue before claiming it with his lips. He flicked his tongue out, lapping at it quickly a few times before kissing over it again.

“Mmm,” Steve moaned out softly. “Feels good, Teej.”

TJ laughed softly. “Keep your hands off my pants, sir,” he ordered. “This is all about you.”

“Sir yes sir,” Steve mocked. He steadied himself against Bucky as he placed his hands back upon Bucky’s hips. He leaned his head back against Bucky’s shoulder, allowing Bucky to kiss at his exposed neck better.

Bucky continued to caress over Steve’s ass. His thin briefs were the only fabric getting in the way between Bucky’s hands and that soft, muscular, round ass. If Bucky had to pick one body part that he liked the best about Steve’s new body, it was his ass. Steve had a nice, small ass before, but Bucky couldn’t deny Steve’s ass now wasn’t a gift from heaven. He got on his knees, brushing his nose against Steve’s rear as he ran his hands up and down Steve’s thighs.

TJ continued to kiss at Steve’s upper body. He nibbled over Steve’s collar bones, sliding his tongue down the curves of Steve’s pectorals and nibbled lightly at the base of those defined muscles. He ran his fingers up and down Steve’s torso before going to palm over Steve’s erection.

Steve’s breath hitched as he rocked into TJ’s hand. “TJ,” he breathed out. “Don’t be a tease.”

TJ laughed, placing rough kisses against Steve’s lips.

Bucky felt Steve’s ass clench as TJ’s fingers brushed over his hardening dick. Bucky reached up, pulling at the fabric of Steve’s briefs down just beneath Steve’s muscular ass. He brushed his nose against Steve’s crack, feeling Steve clench once more. “Bucky,” Steve called out. “Tickles.”

Bucky laughed as he pulled the briefs down to Steve’s ankles where the blonde kicked them away. “Nnn,” Steve grumbled. “Standing naked in TJ’s mom’s backyard…”

TJ laughed, going up to kiss at Steve’s lips. “You like it.”

Steve nodded into the kiss. “If she sees us though I’m going to _literally_ die…”

Bucky laughed as he smacked Steve’s calves lightly to make the man spread his legs a bit. “We’re trying to cheer you up! Stop your bitching.”

Steve whined playfully but didn’t say anything more. He pressed his lips against TJ’s, wrapping his arms around the man and rolling his body against him softly.

Bucky wrapped his hands around Steve’s thighs as he pushed his face into Steve’s ass, slipping his tongue around the rim of his hole playfully. He heard Steve gasp into his kiss with TJ. He softly pushed his hips back into Bucky’s face. Bucky smiled briefly as he scooted a bit closer, pushing his tongue into Steve’s hole and circling it around, coating Steve’s insides with his saliva.

“Shit,” Steve gasped. “Fuck yeah, Buck.”

Bucky lapped at Steve’s hole, pushing his face further in to suck at it softly. He wrapped his hands over Steve’s hips to steady himself.

TJ went down on his knees in front of Steve. Bucky heard his wet, noisy kisses as the man kissed up Steve’s thighs. TJ wrapped an arm around Steve, gently caressing through Bucky’s hair for a soft moment before returning it to resting against Steve’s knees as he continued to kiss the man’s thick, now-quivering thighs.

Bucky quickly flicked his tongue against Steve’s rim, pulling soft gasps and whimpers from Steve’s throat as he did so. Bucky’s hands went up Steve’s body, caressing his abdomen and swirling his fingers around his navel. He pushed his tongue back inside Steve’s ass, pumping it in and out quickly. He felt Steve’s knees buckle for a second before he caught himself.

“Sh-shit, Buck, oh fuck, Bucky,” Steve whimpered out.

Bucky continued to massage Steve’s torso as much as he could with his hands. He swirled his tongue along the outside of Steve’s hole, lavishing in his love’s soft, musty taste. He plunged his tongue back inside, swirling it slowly along the walls of Steve’s canal. He pulled out, sucking against Steve’s asshole for a moment before tickling the tip of his tongue against it. He felt Steve shiver violently. It probably didn’t help that Steve was naked in chilly weather but Bucky was sure they’d all heat up pretty quickly.

“Ah! Ah, fuck, fuck,” Steve whimpered. “TJ…TJ please, please suck my dick.”

TJ laughed. “Mmm, yes sir,” TJ said darkly. He wrapped his lips over the tip of Steve’s cock, swirling his tongue softly over the head a few times before pulling back to press a light kiss against the tip. “Want more, baby?”

Steve groaned as Bucky’s tongue lapped over his hole again, teasingly, before slipping back inside. “Yes, TJ. Feels good.”

Bucky pulled back, yanking Steve’s hips back so TJ couldn’t give Steve what he wanted. “Hold on,” Bucky said.

Steve protested with a loud, needy whine.

“I want you to lie down,” Bucky clarified. “I can’t get deeper with you clenching every three seconds.”

Steve nodded as he licked at his lips. Bucky helped Steve lay his trembling body against the grass. He kissed at his lips, tracing his tongue over those soft, sweet lips.

TJ kissed down Steve’s abdomen, circling his tongue over the man’s navel before using his tongue to lead Steve’s cock back into his mouth. He stroked at the base a few times as his mouth worked over Steve’s tip.

Steve hissed as he bucked his hips up. “Ah! Yeah, TJ…just like that.”

“Take your pants off, TJ,” Bucky instructed at TJ.

TJ looked up at Bucky with a questioning glance before unbuttoning his pants and slipping out of them without even breaking his mouth from Steve’s cock. Bucky went behind TJ where he kneeled above Steve, helping him slip out of his briefs. Bucky stroked at TJ’s dick a couple of times, thumbing over his tip. TJ moaned against Steve’s cock, pulling him deeper into his mouth as his tongue slurped nosily around its girth.

“Get on top of him and flip around so he can suck you off too,” Bucky suggested.

TJ nodded as he pulled his shirt off and turned himself upside-down over Steve. Steve instantly reached his hand up to caress at TJ’s balls and took his cock into his mouth.

Bucky coated two of his fingers with saliva before pushing them into Steve’s ass. Steve gurgled in surprise around TJ’s cock but kept sucking his other lover deep down into his throat. Bucky scissored into Steve’s ass, pulling his fingers apart as far as Steve’s body would allow before pumping in and out softly, preparing him as much as he could. “You feel good, Stevie?”

Steve let out a choked sound of approval as he slurped against TJ’s cock. He pulled back, licking at his swollen lips. “Real good.”

Bucky smiled softly as he rocked his fingers inside Steve’s hole; gently curling them over his prostate. Steve bucked up into TJ’s mouth. TJ hummed in response as he brought up one hand to caress over Steve’s sac, giving it a light squeeze before balancing against both hands over Steve again. Steve moaned around TJ’s cock, allowing a thin lone of droll to spill down the side of his mouth. He broke away for a moment, licking in tiny circles around the tip of TJ’s cock.

TJ moaned loudly as he continued to suck at Steve’s cock. He turned around to look back at Steve. “Oh… _God_ …Steve,” he breathed out. “I fucking love your tongue.”

Bucky pushed a third finger into Steve, rocking it in the rhythm of TJ’s bobbing. He felt Steve move with him, rolling his hips and rocking his ass against Bucky’s fingers. His legs were trembling slightly from the onslaught of Bucky’s fingers and TJ’s hot mouth. Bucky wanted to bring Steve as much pleasure as he could possibly stand. He wanted to leave Steve trembling and hoarse after fucking him senseless. “Lift up, TJ,” Bucky said.

TJ dropped Steve’s cock from his mouth. Steve’s dick dropped against his abs in a barely audible, wet sound. “Bucky!” Steve protested.

“Sit on his face and shut him up,” Bucky suggested teasingly.

TJ laughed. He pressed a quick kiss against Bucky’s lips before spinning around and doing as he was told. “You okay, Steve?” he asked.

Steve nodded. “I’m used to Bucky calling the shots.”

“Oh shut up and suck his cock,” Bucky said humorously. “You know you like it.”

Steve hummed in approval as he lapped TJ’s cock back into his mouth. His hands went up TJ’s back, clawing down it gently and pulling at his ass cheeks. “Oh, fuck yeah Steve,” TJ moaned as he rocked his hips lightly over Steve’s face. “Mmm, yeah baby.”

Bucky removed his clothes, listening to TJ’s delicious whines and moans as Steve lapped his tongue around TJ’s cock. Bucky loved how _loud_ TJ could get. Bucky wasn’t sure he’d nail into the man again like he had before, but he certainly wanted to spend more time with TJ like that. Those screams had been _infectious_.

Bucky gently lifted Steve’s lower half up; folding his legs under himself. He spread Steve’s ass open as he spit down over his cock, coating himself with salvia. Slowly, he pushed just the tip of his cock into Steve’s hole, feeling the muscles spasm and Steve’s legs clench.

Steve let out a muffled sound around TJ’s cock but he didn’t do anything that’d suggest he wasn’t okay. Bucky listened to the soft, slurping sounds as Steve continued to suck TJ deeper into his mouth. TJ leaned forward, moaning softly, _oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck._

Bucky pushed in a bit further, watching as his cockhead disappeared completely inside Steve’s ass. He shivered as the muscles clenched around him, securing him in place as if they’d been waiting for him all along.

TJ leaned back, using his hands to balance himself as he whined in a needy tone. “Kiss me, Bucky.”

Bucky laughed, but he leaned forward, pressing his lips against TJ’s. He pulled his hips back before gently rocking them forward, pumping his cockhead in and out of Steve’s hole slowly. Steve let out a gurgled, wet moan around TJ’s cock. Bucky had always been a fan of having sex outside in the dark. He loved the way the moon lit Steve’s skin with gentle, blue hues. TJ looked like a marble statute and shadows cast against his jaw line, transforming him slightly into an ageless, ethereal being.

“Bucky,” Steve whined. “More, baby. Please more.”

Bucky placed a final kiss against TJ’s lips before pushing him forward so he could see Steve’s ass better. He thrust forward, watching the veins of his dick dip and tuck into Steve’s asshole. He loved watching his dick slip into Steve. It sprung forth a heat at the base of his spine that would linger and spread over his back to wash down his shoulders with excitement.

“Steve,” TJ panted. “M’gonna…I can’t…”

Steve’s slurping quickened as TJ rocked his cock into Steve’s mouth quicker. Bucky leaned to the side, watching as shimmering saliva dribbled down Steve’s face as TJ continued to fuck into his mouth. His brow was furrowed as he concentrated on sucking TJ off, hollowing out his cheeks more so TJ could get in deeper.

“Ah! Ah! Ah fuck, ah _fuck_! Steve, Steve, Ste- _eve_!” TJ cried out as he doubled over Steve’s head, bringing his arms out to catch himself. “Oh _God,_ baby you’re mouth’s so good.”

TJ pulled out of Steve’s mouth, rolling over on the grass as he lay on his side to kiss at Steve’s lips.

Bucky thrust further into Steve, watching as his pectorals gently bobbed up and down with his movements. He smiled darkly as he saw a trickle of semen spill from Steve’s lips as TJ’s tongue hungrily lapped at the inside of his mouth.

“Excuse me,” Bucky said as he rolled further into Steve, earning a hiss and clenching muscles as Steve’s body reacted to the forced intrusion. Steve liked rough sex. Bucky was all for making sure nothing ever hurt, but it had always been Steve to suggest no lube or barely any preparation before he’d have Bucky bending him over a table and fucking his ass raw. It was the only reason Bucky didn’t feel bad about pushing deeper into Steve too quick right now. “You better share that come with me.”

Steve laughed. He pulled himself up, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders as Bucky balanced him entirely on his legs, allowing Steve to wrap his legs around his torso, as he pushed completely inside Steve’s body. “F-fuck,” Bucky drawled. “Ah shit baby, you’re so _tight_.”

Steve hummed in response, pushing his lips against Bucky’s and shoving a semen-coated tongue into Bucky’s mouth. TJ crawled over, slipping his tongue into the mix as the three of them lapped at each other’s mouths messily. Bucky rolled his hips, pushing in and out of Steve’s hole, pulling soft gasps and moans from Steve’s mouth.

Bucky wrapped an arm around TJ, pinching his nipple playfully.

“Bucky!” TJ exclaimed. “You little shit.”

Bucky smiled into his kiss with Steve darkly. “Mmm,” he mumbled. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

TJ gave him an uncertain look before scanning over his body. “What am I allowed to do about it?”

Steve laughed, pulling TJ into a kiss full of wet, sloppy, desperate noises.

Bucky pushed off his legs, pumping in and out of Steve’s ass slowly; rolling his hips to make sure Steve felt every inch Bucky had to offer. It was enough to make Steve feel good, but it wasn’t enough to make him come. Bucky pushed forward, careful to hold Steve’s head so it didn’t crash against the ground as he pulled Steve’s legs over his shoulders.

“Oh yeah,” Steve cried out. “Fuck me hard, Barnes.”

Bucky looked over to TJ, who was still looking a bit uncertain and motioned with his head for TJ to get closer to him. Still inside Steve, but unmoving he said, “Stroke him slowly. Don’t let him come.”

Steve whined, rolling his hips to pull more of Bucky’s cock in. Bucky shivered as pleasure reverberated through his bones.

“F-face me, TJ,” Bucky gasped as Steve circled his hips around, slowly. Bucky knew that Steve loved it when Bucky would dictate how things were going to go. Bucky had spent a lifetime being told what to do. Steve gave back whatever he could to Bucky through this. If he wanted to go fast, but Bucky didn’t, he wouldn’t disobey.

TJ scooted next to Steve, wrapping his fingers along Steve’s red, swollen cock. He spit down over the tip, coating it with his saliva as he began to pump along the agitated erection. He swirled his fingers over Steve’s tip, circling the slit that was dribbling precome against itself like it was getting _paid_ to do so.

Steve hit his head back against the ground, grinding his teeth together before allowing a deep, guttural moan to rip from his throat. Bucky smiled darkly at the response.

He pressed a kiss into TJ’s cheek. “Nice n’ slow, TJ. We’re gonna make him forget today, k?”

TJ nodded softly, lapping a shy, soft lick against the side of Bucky’s mouth. Bucky pressed forward, shoving himself further inside Steve, feeling those delicious muscles flare and clench around him as they locked him inside Steve. He rocked his hips, full pronounced movements as he’d bring his cockhead out to just rest against Steve’s gaping hole before rocking himself back in.

Steve arched his back, his arms reaching up to grab at the grass around him as he clenched the strands in his fingers till they snapped and he pounded against the ground. “Fuck, oh _God_ , Bucky, fuck me, _fuck_ _me_ ,” he panted.

TJ kissed at Bucky’s lips, hungry and desperate as he traced his tongue along Bucky’s. His fingers kept at Bucky’s pace and he flicked his wrist expertly over Steve’s pulsating cock as it sputtered precome dramatically. He’d encircle Steve’s slit, pulling the moisture down against the shaft to the base as his fist would wrap protectively around Steve’s cock.

Steve was shaking, breaking out into a glistening sweat that shimmered from the moonlight. He continued to grab at the grass as Bucky continued his long, drawn out thrusts. “You like this baby?” Bucky asked. “Feel good?”

Steve tossed his head from side to side as he bit down against his lip. “Yeah, yeah, feel’s so good. Want…want more.”

“I kinda like going slow,” Bucky said softly as TJ kissed down his throat. He loved the way TJ’s mouth curved against his skin. Did he kiss this good? Did his lips curve and tickle expertly down Steve or TJ’s exposed flesh? _Fuck_ , he hoped so. He rolled his neck to the side, giving TJ more to work with as his tongue slid up the veins that expanded thickly in Bucky’s throat as his heart beat violently in his chest. It was taking all his strength to _not_ hammer into Steve like a fucking jackrabbit.

Steve moaned out a pitchy, high vibrato. He swung his hips in circles, pushing Bucky’s dick against the walls of his canal, making Bucky shiver violently.

“Fuck, _God_ , Steve you’re so perfect.” Bucky reached up, holding Steve’s knees as his feet twisted behind his head to squeeze into each other as Steve looked to be restraining from full on screaming.

“Bucky,” Steve whined. “More, more please, please _both_ of you more.”

He sped up his pace, nodding silently to TJ when TJ looked up at him, silently asking for permission to meet that rhythm. Bucky panted rhythmically against the sounds of his sac slamming against Steve’s ass as he gave into Steve’s desires. Bucky’s body shook as a sweat clung to him, causing him to shiver into the night’s air. He pressed his face against TJ’s neck, biting down against a soft, exposed shoulder.

TJ hissed out but didn’t pull away. He pushed his face into Bucky’s neck to suck at his jugular.

Bucky continued to thrust his hips, rolling them and pushing slightly up so he’d hit Steve’s prostate from this position.

Steve howled out, slamming his head back into the grass loudly as his fingers continued to twist and pull at the grass at his sides. One hand flung up over Steve’s head as he grabbed against the earth; fighting to ground himself. “Bucky, Bucky, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” he panted desperately.

Bucky berated against Steve’s prostate, pushing his hips up _violently_ as he grunted against TJ’s shoulder. He lapped at the skin there, sucking hard to keep from yelling out as Steve would swing his hips around to get Bucky just that _tiny bit_ further inside him. The frantic sounds of skin-smacking-skin echoed into the yard, reverberating off against the privacy fence. “Steve, Steve you’re so good baby,” Bucky breathed out. He pushed his lips forcefully against TJ’s, reaching down to grab at TJ’s dick.

TJ gasped, arching his body into Bucky’s touch as his now-erect cock throbbed desperately into Bucky’s flesh hand. Bucky swirled his fingers over the tip, not caring about drawing the pleasure out, but more about bringing TJ to another climax.

Steve was _shaking_ beneath Bucky as he whimpered helplessly as his body bobbed slightly up and down as it was pushed against the ground. Bucky looked down, watching those loose pectoral muscles lightly bounce against Bucky’s gyrations as Bucky continued to fuck harder into Steve.

His tongue slipped further into TJ’s mouth, and TJ _sucked_ against it, wrapping his free hand around one of Steve’s legs to steady himself. _Jesus_ , this boy was a fucking mystery. He’d go from being so insecure to a fucking _godsend_ against the silver moonlight with all the security and confidence of Adonis as he listened to Bucky’s every beck and command and claimed Bucky’s mouth and tongue expertly.

Steve started to clench around Bucky viciously now as his gasps and moans started to echo throughout the yard. “Bucky, TJ, Bucky, _TJ_ ,” he called out methodically.

Bucky laughed, pulling his head back to roll it against his shoulder blades, feeling his hair tickle at the top of his back. He slammed into Steve, leaning over to whisper into TJ’s ear. “Let him come.”

TJ’s hand pumped faster, pulling full on _screams_ from Steve now as his fist pumped up and down against that almost purple cock.

Bucky angled up, scooting a smidgen further underneath Steve so each time he’d push up into Steve, Steve’s prostate would get a cockhead flush against it.

Steve howled, pulling desperately at the grass around him as tears slipped from his eyes. “Bucky, fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna…m’gonna…”

“It’s okay,” Bucky hissed out. “C-come for us baby. I wanna see you…come for us.”

Steve’s veins in his body rose; lurching from their skin as he clenched up against Bucky. He bit down heavily against his lip, as tears spilled from his eyes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , _fuck_!” Steve screamed as his cock spewed its seed violently against Bucky’s chest and over TJ’s fingers as he continued to fist-fuck against Steve.

Bucky felt Steve’s ass clench around him, tightening intoxicatingly around his cock; pulling that visceral heat from Bucky’s stomach and out into Steve’s battered, awaiting asshole. “Fuck!” Bucky shouted. “Oh God, oh _God_! Steve! Yes, baby! _Yes_ baby!”

Bucky rode out his and Steve’s orgasms, pushing his hips fiercely up against Steve as he grunted and panted through his climax as his body continued to pulsate with his orgasm. Steve whined loudly, tearing at the grass around him as sweat clung to his face, dampening his bangs against his forehead.

Bucky dropped Steve’s legs, allowing the man to wrap them around his torso instead.

Bucky leaned over, grabbing TJ’s cock at the base and using his mouth to suck _hard_. He pumped at the base with a desperate fervor, swirling his tongue quickly around and slurping up the tip. He was still rocking into Steve as each bob of his head pulled him a bit forward. He could hear Steve crying softly as his body started to become over-stimulated.

TJ gasped out, dropping Steve’s cock from his hand and leaning back as Bucky bobbed rhythmically over him. Bucky’s tongue flicked aggressively at the underside of TJ’s hard cock. He looked up, watching TJ’s mouth go slack as he pushed out loud moans.

“B-Bucky,” Steve called out. “Bucky please, I can’t…I can’t.”

Bucky pulled out slowly, pausing his onslaught against TJ’s dick only long enough to push TJ down against the grass. He tucked himself between those slender legs, allowing TJ to lock his feet behind Bucky’s back. “Oh… _God_ …Bucky!” TJ gasped. “Fuck…fuck!”

Bucky swirled his tongue along the length of TJ’s cock, sucking passionately, creating loud, smacking sounds each time he’d close his lips over the tip. He bobbed hastily, berating his tongue against the underside of TJ’s dick as his hand continued to stroke at the base.

“Bucky,” TJ cried out. “I’m coming, I’m…I’m…ah! Ah!”

TJ pumped his seed into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky felt his cock twitch as the hot seed splayed backward into his throat. He gulped it down, loving the way TJ’s come tasted slightly like butter. Steve’s was more sweet, like bland pineapples.

He pulled up, licking at the sides of his lips before pressing a soft, kind kiss against TJ’s red lips. “Steve only came once,” TJ said softly.

“I’m not done with him yet,” Bucky answered throatily.

Steve lay on his back, watching with a stupid smile on his face as his glassy eyes stared off just slightly. Bucky crawled back over, wrapping his arms under Steve’s legs and pulling that puckered hole toward his face.

“Bucky…” Steve whispered out. “I don’t need−”

“I disagree,” Bucky said as he flicked his tongue out, offering one, experimental lap at Steve’s gaping hole.

Steve’s legs squeezed around Bucky.

TJ scooted up; putting Steve’s head in his lap, running his fingers though his hair. “You okay with this?”

Bucky smiled, watching as TJ made sure Steve was absolutely okay with Bucky’s idea. Bucky _loved_ watching TJ get protective of Steve. It blossomed the most gentle of warmths inside his heart; reaching out to the tips of his fingers and toes.

“Mmm,” Steve answered dreamily. “Kiss me.”

TJ laughed, but he bent down to meet Steve’s lips. Steve traced his tongue along the gentle curves of TJ’s mouth, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth and nibbling lightly.

“I love you,” Steve whispered. “And I’m good with what Bucky’s doing.”

With his permission finally given, Bucky pressed his tongue into Steve, lapping it desperately for the bitter taste of his own semen as he cleaned Steve out, flicking his tongue and curving it back into his mouth to swallow the seed down. He pushed his nose up against Steve’s tailbone, reaching further inside Steve’s body, straining his tongue as far as it’d go. He swirled it around in fast, short bursts of circular motions.

Steve shivered. “Mmm,” he mewled. “Bucky…Oh God, Bucky…”

TJ leaned over, kissing at Steve’s chest. He lapped at Steve’s erect nipple, chewing it softly before soothing it with his tongue. Steve reached up and laced his fingers into TJ’s hair.

Bucky knew he could get Steve to come like this again. It’d take awhile, but Steve was worth any wait; no matter how long. He pulled his tongue out, dancing it flirtatiously around the rim of Steve’s hole. He’d press in and lap with short, desperate bursts before pulling out again and circling that _delicious_ rim once more.

Steve pushed back against him, whining softly as he started to grab at the grass again. Bucky brought one of his hands up to lace his fingers into Steve’s. Steve grabbed his hand tightly.

Bucky _loved_ the way Steve tasted. It was like unsweetened almonds with a slight, coppery taste. He _loved_ eating Steve out. If there was one thing he could do for the rest of his life…it’d be simply to tongue-fuck this man into oblivion.

He swirled his tongue forcefully against the walls of Steve’s hole, pressing his tongue flesh against the topside and pumping it back and forth there for a moment.

“Jesus! Bucky!” Steve gasped as he bucked.

Bucky smiled as much as he could with his tongue inside his lover’s hole. He swirled his tongue around again, tasting more remnants of semen that he’d yet to clean out. He scooted closer, squeezing Steve’s hand.

He curved his tongue, hooking it inside Steve as he collected the rest of the semen he found into his mouth. Steve arched his back as he continued to make out with TJ. He moaned into TJ’s mouth, using his other hand to lace and curl his fingers around brown locks of hair.

Bucky pulled back, spitting into Steve’s hole. He used one finger to spread it around before bringing his tongue back inside. He swirled his tongue rapidly, flicking it up and down as fast as he could.

Steve’s legs started to clench around Bucky more frequently now. He started to sway his hips in circles as he pushed his ass against Bucky’s face.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Steve whispered as he’d paused his kisses for air. He grabbed at TJ’s face, pulling him back to claim his lips.

Bucky closed his eyes, relishing in the slight taste of almonds and copper. He pumped his tongue further inside, breathing sharply against Steve’s mounded ass through his nose as he fought for air. He wouldn’t stop. He’d pass out from lack of oxygen before he’d stop giving Steve the pleasure he deserved.

Steve was always so attentive to others. He was too giving. He made love to TJ with the most tender of motions and the night Bucky got to ride TJ…he’d not even wanted to be touched without some coaxing. Steve deserved every _second_ of pleasure Bucky could give him.

“Bucky…” Steve moaned out. “Bucky…feels…feels so good.”

Bucky, pleased with himself and his patience, continued to pulsate his tongue back and forth inside Steve’s ass. Sweat ran down his back, making him shiver slightly. The soft motion seemed to work in Bucky’s favor as Steve cried out; squeezing Bucky’s hand again.

Bucky hummed, sending the soft vibrations deep into Steve’s ass that seemed to reverberate up the man’s spine. Steve whined out a long, throaty, anxious vibrato. Bucky knew which cries from Steve meant he liked something, loved something, and when he loved something so much he was going to come. _That_ sound, was a sound that Steve was close to another orgasm.

Bucky continued to hum to the tune of a song from long ago, pressing his lips flesh against Steve’s hole as he swirled his tongue against the muscles inside Steve. Steve’s body responded, pushing against Bucky’s face so hard he couldn’t _breathe_.

“Fuck! Bucky, Bucky, _Bucky!”_ Steve cried out as his cock started to gurgle out murky strands of come.

TJ claimed Steve’s mouth as he kissed him through the rest of his climax.

Bucky felt Steve’s muscles flutter around his tongue. He waited for them to calm down before he pulled back, kissing at the soft mounds of Steve’s ass. He looked up, watching as Steve’s tongue flashed briefly before it disappeared into TJ’s mouth. Bucky smiled. They were naked, out in the backyard of a woman’s house who was running for president. Bucky started to laugh.

Then he started to laugh harder.

Both TJ and Steve looked up at him quizzically.

“What’s funny?” Steve asked.

Bucky wiped a tear from his eye. It wasn’t that funny…but it was _hilarious_ to him. “We’re naked in the backyard of a politician’s house…fucking. In America; a place that would have dishonorably discharged me and seen me in a prison cell for being gay back in the war. And we’re in Elaine’s _backyard_.”

TJ cocked a brow. “You’re insane.”

Steve started laughing. “And you’re with Captain America.”

Bucky laughed harder.

“You both are insane…” TJ said, swallowing hard.

“Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers, caught fucking behind the Secretary of State’s home,” Bucky said, mimicking a news reporter. “Rogers can sure take a cock!”

Steve snorted.

“You both are the weirdest people I’ve ever met,” TJ stated.

Steve pulled TJ down atop him. “You love u- me.”

Bucky’s heart squeezed. He knew what Steve was going to say. Us. “You love us.” But TJ didn’t love Bucky. TJ tolerated Bucky. It was something he needed desperately to talk to Steve about. After everything that happened today though… It just seemed to need to be tossed aside further and further though. Perhaps he’d be able to work some things out with TJ when they went out for his birthday tomorrow.

TJ’s lips curled protectively around Steve’s as he purred into the kiss. “I do love you. And you make the most _gorgeous_ bottom I’ve ever seen.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“Why not!” TJ protested with a large smile.

“I like getting to take care of you,” Steve said softly, running a finger down TJ’s jaw.

Bucky sat silently, feeling his heart begin to settle from the previous activity. He loved seeing the adoration pour out of TJ’s eyes. He loved seeing the smile that TJ brought to Steve’s face. He just wished he could be part of that with TJ.

TJ was a fucking mystery. He’d get close to Bucky when engaged in sex…but he’d distance himself the second they were done.

“You okay Buck?” Steve asked as he settled his head into TJ’s lap.

Bucky looked up, blinking the thoughts from his eyes. “Oh, yeah. Just…dealing with two bottoms kinda wears me out.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll bet,” he said challengingly. “Maybe we all should switch. Just once.”

Bucky’s brow shot up. He’d had the occasional finger up his ass, but he’d never bottomed before. Steve had always loved it so much and he was more than okay with giving Steve whatever he wanted that he never really thought of anything else.

“I’m down,” TJ said.

“You wanna top me, Steve?” Bucky asked seductively. Jesus, he could go another round right now if Steve wanted it.

A blush crept up into those luminescent cheeks. “I want to, yeah.”

“When?” Bucky asked, feeling his cock pulsate once with excitement. He liked the idea of letting Steve manhandle him. It was shockingly, overly alluring.

Steve shrugged. “Whenever you want?”

Bucky laughed. He moved, coming to straddle Steve, letting his naked dick drop against Steve’s torso. “Wanna do it now?”

Steve’s brow shot up. “Really?”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m game if you are.”

“Jesus,” TJ breathed out. “I want your stamina.”

Bucky flashed a cocky smile over to TJ. “Sometimes it’s not all that great. Like when I wear this fucker out and still wanna keep going and he just wants sleep.” He tickled Steve’s underarms briefly, pulling delighted giggles from Steve till the man smacked Bucky’s hands away.

“I wanna take my time with you though,” Steve said as he ran his fingers along Bucky’s hips. “Show you really what it feels like.”

“Sun’s not up yet,” Bucky stated. He pressed a light kiss against Steve’s lips. “Everyone’s asleep.”

TJ cleared his throat. It was a brutal, gut-wrenching shock of realization. Steve wanted to focus completely on Bucky with this. Bucky pulled back. He wanted this, but he didn’t want to ruin what fragile armistice he’d built with TJ.

“Actually,” Bucky said. “You’re right. We should wait.”

“What?” Steve exclaimed as he furrowed his brow.

“I want to leave you with something to keep your thoughts busy for awhile,” Bucky lied.

_‘I don’t want to destroy what I’ve built with TJ.’_

“Wanna go to bed, TJ?” Bucky asked.

TJ shrugged. “You really don’t wanna keep going with him?”

Bucky shook his head. “I kind of want to hold you tonight, if you’d let me.”

TJ ducked his chin, swallowing softly. “I’d let you.”

Steve smiled; the gears in that beautiful mind of his finally realizing what was happening.

“I’m gonna talk to Steve for a second, about you and our date tomorrow and I want it to be a surprise so…go upstairs?”

TJ smiled brightly, the curves of those lips spreading to their fullest. “Yeah, okay.” He grabbed his clothes, practically skipping into the house.

Bucky was still atop Steve, feeling those loving hands caressing up and down the sides of his abdomen. He sighed heavily, dropping next to Steve like he’d done so many times before with the Commandos. “I almost really fucked everything up.” He nestled his head against Steve’s shoulder.

“No you didn’t,” Steve answered.

“You heard TJ’s pointed throat-clearing…”

“He could have actually been clearing his throat? He did have a dick in his mouth.”

Bucky laughed. “You’re disgustingly optimistic.” He turned over, tracing his fingers along the curves of Steve’s pecs. “He doesn’t trust me.”

Steve furrowed his brow. “I know…”

Knowing it and hearing Steve admit it were two different things. Bucky felt like someone had just dropped a piano on him. “Have I done something? We were fine up at the cabin.”

Steve licked at his still-swollen lips. “No. You didn’t do anything. TJ just…” He sighed heavily. “He gets an idea and it sticks. Like he gets addicted to it…”

“We need to help him…speaking of addictions.”

“I’ve been trying since the day I met him.”

Bucky licked at the sides of his lips, tasting Steve faintly against them. “So you’re giving up?”

“What? No! I just mean…It’s just been a thing. For a long time.”

“Maybe we need to be stricter about it. Maybe one of us should be with him at all times. Maybe check him into rehab or something.”

Steve scoffed. “He’d kill us if we sent him to rehab. Not to mention he’d probably never want to speak to _you_ again. And one of us _is_ pretty much with him all the damn time. He can slip away and be back in a flash and we’re none-the-wiser.”

Bucky dropped his head against Steve’s sweaty chest. “Fuck,” he sighed. “I don’t know what to fucking do. I can tell him how I feel over and over again but I don’t think it’ll ever matter. He won’t let me in. And…” Bucky closed his mouth tightly. He didn’t want to bring this up yet. Today had been enough pressure for Steve. He didn’t need more, especially from Bucky.

“And…?” Steve prompted.

Bucky shook his head. “Nevermind. We can talk about it later.”

He sat up but Steve grabbed at his wrist. “No. Please talk to me now.”

Bucky bit at his lip. “You’ve already had enough excitement for one day…”

“Bucky, I swear to the ever-loving God, if you don’t talk to me…”

“Okay! Okay!” Bucky said. He reached behind him, grabbing his clothes and shoving at least his pants on. Being outside and naked while having sex was one thing, but being outside naked and just talking was weird… At least, that’s how Bucky saw it. He shoved Steve’s clothes at him.

Silently they got into their pants. Steve sat up, wincing slightly before sitting Indian style in front of Bucky.

Bucky opened his legs so that Steve was sitting between them. He leaned back on his hands. “You called him “Bucky…”

Steve’s face paled as his mouth dropped open.

“At first, I didn’t think it really mattered but…with TJ’s resentment of me. I think that’s where it’s from. He was my replacement. Now I’m back. TJ doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do from here.”

“But he knows he’s not a replacement,” Steve countered. “I keep telling him and after today…I mean I came out as his boyfriend on live television!”

“And maybe that helped!” Bucky defended as he held his hands up to keep Steve from really shouting. “Maybe thing’s are gonna get better. Just…I think that proves how little TJ thinks of himself. I dunno. It’s just been really bothering me. I wanna talk to him about it but I’m…terrified.”

Steve pressed his forehead against Bucky’s. They sat there in silence for a moment, just listening to each other breathe. “I think you talking to him is a great idea. I think you holding him and showing him as much affection as possible is a great idea. Spend time with him. Take him out. Leave me alone for awhile. Trust me; I could use the damn break.”

Bucky playfully hit Steve’s chest. “Oh shut up! I just licked your ass till you came! Talk about someone needing a fucking break!”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to!”

“Yeah well…I like doing it,” Bucky shrugged. “I guess you win.”

Steve pressed a playful kiss against Bucky’s lips. “You’re incorrigible.”

“You love me,” Bucky responded.

“Mmm,” Steve hummed as he pressed another, deeper kiss against Bucky’s lips. His tongue slid into Bucky’s mouth as it caressed against Bucky’s. “I do love you.”

Bucky pulled back, licking the saliva off his lips. “So you really don’t mind me paying more attention to him?”

Steve stood up, offering a hand down to Bucky. He pulled him up, shrugging simply. “No. If I do I’ll tell you.”

Bucky nodded. This conversation wasn’t entirely over… Bucky wanted to ask Steve why… Why did he feel it was okay to call TJ his name? Why did he think it was okay to just gloss over it now and shift everything onto Bucky? Steve could help with this as well. Steve could talk to TJ for Bucky. But he wasn’t. Maybe he didn’t know how? Maybe it just didn’t occur to him. It probably didn’t. In fact, Bucky _knew_ it didn’t occur to him. Steve would never make someone else’s life harder. Steve would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone. But Bucky needed to know why…

Why did Steve think it was okay to superimpose Bucky onto another, living, breathing person? Especially one that looked _just_ like Bucky…

Together, they climbed the stairs of the Hammond house. Bucky opened the door and allowed Steve to walk in first. TJ was crashed already in the middle of the bed, which was usually Steve’s spot.

Bucky slipped his pants off. He went over to the dresser to pull out a pair of sweats before going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Steve followed suit. They shared the sink in silence.

Once finished, Bucky climbed behind TJ. He pulled TJ’s back against his chest, wrapping his metal arm over TJ’s torso. TJ stirred, opening his eyes and looking back at Bucky. Bucky pressed a kiss against that jaw line. “Night pretty boy,” Bucky said.

TJ snuggled back into Bucky. “Night,” he whispered. Bucky couldn’t deny the feeling of utter euphoria at the soft sensation of TJ leaning _into_ him. It tingled his limbs faintly, making him feel like he was floating. His eyes followed Steve to the other side of the bed where he hopped under the covers. He lay on his back, but turned his head to face Bucky and TJ.

“I love you both,” he whispered.

Bucky smiled. Always before bed, did Steve profess his love.

“Love you too,” TJ whispered sleepily. He shifted a bit, linking his leg back between Bucky’s. Bucky was more than okay with how close TJ was to him right now. Was it the high of sex that made TJ feel he was safe to do this? Was it the fact that Bucky was being more vocal about his expressed desires for a relationship with TJ? Bucky wanted that. He wanted to love TJ as much as he loved Steve. He didn’t care that it was like looking in a mirror. TJ was a completely different person with a completely different soul and Bucky wanted him in the most intimate of ways in his life.

They just…had to _get_ there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Steve POV! I love Steve POV! (God I hope that was an okay chapter. I'm super freaked out cause I was struggling so hard to write it....) Let me know what you think? I really love talking to you!! <3 (Though I really enjoyed writing the fluffy tickle fight.....I won't lie)
> 
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> Let's be friends!  
> If you want to be mutuals just let me know! I love surrounding myself with fellow Marvel fans!


	7. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ and Bucky finally get their date and something happens that TJ would never have expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter. I hope it's yours too. 
> 
> Thank you SO much for all the support you've all given me. Like any other person with a creative form of expression, I live off your kudos, comments and bookmarks. It means a lot to see what you think and helps me grow so much as a writer, both in fandom and in original fiction. So thank you :)  
> Thank you to my wonderful beta, [Perfbucky](http://perfbucky.tumblr.com/) for editing this!
> 
> **WARNING WARNING!:** NSFW gifs at end of chapter! Mentions of torture, mentions of milking (the act of collecting semen from men, usually unwillingly, though it also is a kink and can be willing). Mentions of HYDRA just being in general shit faces!!!

“Okay, so Mr. Pasquel is officially not pressing charges. Stark Industries is going to issue Steve’s official apology in a press release, the news is having a field day so please avoid the TV, Steve, and Oprah has spoken out _against_ the guy who threw a slushie at me. So, not bad in terms of clean up,” TJ listed off, swaying through the room, looking down at his phone as he ticked off the information. Steve had been beating himself up senseless about this. The guy deserved to get a rude awakening, if you asked TJ. Unfortunately, Steve had been adamant about being _better than_ that. It was a quality TJ adored, but right now Steve could afford to let some anger out. TJ did suffer a blow to his wardrobe; one of his Armani suits had been permanently ruined… He’d _really_ liked that suit.

“So that’s that? I just sit here and pretend like the world isn’t verbally setting me on fire?” Steve asked bitterly. He was sitting on the sofa with Bucky’s arms wrapped around him. Bucky hadn’t left Steve’s side after they’d all woken up this morning.

The Avengers were still around. Nat and Clint were in the kitchen with Elaine, Thor was on the recliner and Tony was sitting at the piano, nodding along as TJ spoke. TJ really liked that they’d decided to stick around. Steve needed to know he had a support system around, though all these giants really drove it home how _insignificant_ TJ was. It was already becoming a crowded house but with the Avengers, it was bursting at the seams.

“You don’t have to pretend they’re not,” Tony said. “You just shouldn’t _actively_ seek it out. Trust me, I’ve got personal experience with being flayed alive by media. It’s not fun.”

“Why not?” Steve asked. He pulled a pillow into his chest and clutched it like a child holding a teddy bear. Bucky merely shifted to keep his arms around Steve. TJ watched as Bucky dropped his head against Steve’s shoulder.

TJ leaned against the piano. “Because you can’t handle it,” TJ stated flatly.

Steve’s eyes darkened as he clenched his jaw. “Excuse me?”

TJ’s heart was racing. This was the closest to anger that TJ had ever seen on Steve’s face outside of the Oprah incident and it was directed entirely at TJ. But TJ had already worked himself up as he watched the man he’d quite literally die for recoil further and further into the man _Steve would_ quite literally die for. TJ could only take so many brutal reminders that he was second best in a day… “You think if I’d known people were shit-blasting me about my suicide attempt that I’d have watched the news? Steve…I didn’t say anything but that shit wrecked me up. When you _know_ what people are saying…you think everyone’s thinking it. You see smiles and think “Oh, that person’s just pitying me.” You see sneers and the first thing you think about is how much that person hates you. It ate at me. I don’t want to see it eat at you too.”  

Steve relaxed into Bucky, loosening his grip on the pillow. TJ hated this. He hated seeing Steve so dependent on Bucky. TJ was standing here, doing _everything_ in his power, using every political outlet he knew of to help safeguard Steve from the inevitable storm to come. Everyone loved a superhero, but everyone loved to watch one fall more. TJ, his mom, Stark, they were the ones trying to clean up this mess. Bucky… Bucky was just sitting there silently,yet he seemed to be the only thing Steve wanted when he felt upset or scared, and TJ knew _damn_ well that Steve was scared.  When it felt like the whole world suddenly knew his deepest secrets, TJ had been scared too.

“You’re right, Teej,” Steve mumbled.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “Alright. So, want me to make up an apology or do you actually want to write one?”

TJ looked over to Steve, watching intently as he saw Steve’s pronounced Adam’s apple bob deeply in his throat. “I’ll write it,” Steve said finally. “I should own up to my actions.”

“The guy’s a dickweed,” TJ said. “Just remember that you’re doing this because you’re a good person, and not because he actually deserves it.”

Steve nodded tightly. He shifted on the couch, pushing Bucky back and curling up against his chest. TJ’s mouth twitched. Steve was curling into Bucky like a puppy and TJ… the one standing here doing everything to clean up this mess… was getting two to three line answers. “I’ll be right back,” TJ said.

“Where’re you going?” Bucky asked.

TJ scoffed. “You my babysitter?” TJ spat. He turned around to head outside. He hadn’t meant to be so curt. But he couldn’t deny how upset he felt. He’d bend over backwards for Steve. He’d drink poison, walk through fire, eat glass… He’d do _anything_ for him and yet _nothing_ seemed to be good enough. He sat on the back porch, lighting up a cigarette and taking a drag. He heard someone walking behind him and then looked out the corner of his eye to see Bucky. He was pulling out his Lucky’s and lighting up one.

“Kind of nice having a boyfriend who enjoys killing himself slowly,” Bucky teased. He smiled wolfishly over at TJ.

“Yeah, sure,” TJ responded. He wasn’t sure why Bucky wasn’t commenting about his behavior. He wasn’t even sure why Bucky was pretending like TJ hadn’t just snapped at him. It made TJ’s stomach squeeze in on itself.

“You know, I could have given up smoking.” Bucky took another drag of his cigarette. “HYDRA clearly wasn’t giving the Soldier anything to smoke. Second I started remembering who I was; the first thing I turned to was this.” He looked down at the cigarette, flicking it lightly.

“So why’d you start up again?” TJ asked, taking the bait.

“Because I needed something to ground me. Help me remember that I was a person before HYDRA; that I’m still a person.”

TJ furrowed his brow, licking at his bottom lip lightly in thought. Clearly this was some kind of “lesson” that Bucky was trying to get across. Sadly, it was falling on deaf ears. TJ couldn’t make heads or tails of the allegory, and right now, he didn’t really care. All he cared about was the fact that Steve clung to Bucky more than he’d ever clung to TJ. He’d never cling to TJ that way. He twitched his nose angrily. He coughed; it was the only way to avoid crying.

Bucky scooted closer to TJ, bumping their biceps together. “I’m taking you on a date tonight,” Bucky stated.

TJ flicked up his brows in response. “Yeah. I know.”

“I’m not reminding you, TJ,” Bucky laughed. He took another puff of his cigarette. “I’m excited.”

TJ looked at Bucky from the corner of his eye. Bucky’s lips were graced with the softest smile TJ had ever seen. He looked…radiant, glowing… TJ had become so accustom to seeing Bucky’s pale skin, his frantic, wild eyes… This Bucky… This was something different, something that TJ hadn’t really seen before. That, or he didn’t let himself see this side of Bucky… “R-really?” TJ stammered out.

Bucky put out his cigarette, rolling it between his fingers. “Yeah. I mean, I can’t exactly take you to some fancy restaurant and we’ve gotta go someplace with no people…but…yeah. I’m really excited.”

“Where’re you taking me?” TJ suddenly became acutely aware that no one, not even his family, not even Doug had wished him a happy birthday yet. Then again, TJ hadn’t wished Doug a happy birthday yet either. He needed to call him.

“Your brother gave me an idea,” Bucky said as he leaned back against the porch, resting on his elbows. “Says you love it there.”

TJ laughed. “Grandpa Hammond’s farm. Best place on earth.”

Bucky flashed a white, full grin. “You two just had to be twins didn’t you? Can’t surprise you worth shit.”

“There’s not really a lot of places I love anymore,” TJ answered honestly, feeling his heartstrings tug against him. He brought his hand up to cover his chest, massaging it lightly. “I don’t really even have a place to call home.”

Bucky stared at TJ for a long moment, his gaze flicking up and down TJ’s body as if he was reading TJ on an entirely different level. Bucky’s eyes weren’t laced with confusion or pity. It was understanding. Total, pure, whole, understanding.

“I used to have this favorite diner up in Brooklyn,” Bucky began. “Had these goofy neon yellow stools and the girls were always real sweet. Best shakes in all of New York, I swear.”

TJ watched Bucky. He watched how Bucky’s eyes seemed to glaze over as he pulled the memories from his mind. He watched how the faintest scowl began to inch its way against Bucky’s shining face, paling him and setting the aura that TJ had come to know so well.

“When I remembered it again, I decided to go check it out. I found a boarded up building with a couple of guys leaning against it. Penises spray-painted all over the brick walls.”

TJ’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You n’ Steve know what it’s like to really lose home.”

“Home isn’t a place for me. Home is Steve. No matter where he goes, I’ll always go. No matter the circumstance. My destiny is to watch those shoulder blades for as long as I live.”

TJ’s heart felt like it was trying to burrow out of his chest and actually _hug_ Bucky. The love that radiated off Bucky was like heat from a flame. TJ could practically see the waves distort the world around Bucky as he spoke. TJ would die for Steve. So would Bucky. In fact, Bucky had.

“I want you to be part of my home, TJ. I really want it.”

TJ’s lips parted silently as he stared in a silent stupor. Bucky was ten thousand times a better man than TJ could ever be. Bucky could suggest the end of TJ in Steve’s life and TJ knew with absolute clarity that Steve would break up with TJ. They were one soul born to two bodies. They’d found each other once. They’d found each other again through impossible circumstances. Destiny didn’t account for tagalongs. It was always focused on the hero and the love of their life. Steve was the hero. Bucky was the love of his life.

“Why?” TJ asked unsteadily.

Bucky stood up, offering his metal hand down to TJ. “Guess you’ll have to find out tonight.”

* * *

 

TJ spent the rest of the day analyzing the newsfeeds and media outlets. He even went so far as to block various channels on cable so Steve couldn’t find them when he thought no one was looking. Steve was a glutton for punishment, and TJ would be damned if he allowed Steve to inflict any more guilt and suffering upon his person. He sat there atop their bed, two laptops and his phone, all cluttered with tabs and various social media sites that mentioned Steve.

TJ scrolled through the articles, scanning them over. Most of them were recaps of the Oprah interview. Most were entirely apathetic to the outburst. Conservative news outlets were in outrage over Steve’s behavior, during World War II and up to now. They condemned him as a man of sin and a man without God. They tore at his person and not just his image. They’d bypassed “Captain America” and went directly for the soft flesh of Steve Rogers and they were certainly out for blood.

“Whatcha reading?” a smooth, careful voice called from behind.

TJ turned to see Steve. His eyes were puffy and his nose was red. He’d been crying… TJ’s heart wrung itself so tightly TJ whimpered. “I hate them,” TJ said. His fingers started to shake. “They don’t have the right to do this to you.”

Steve’s brow creased, bringing forth the dimple between his eyes that TJ had come to be obsessed with. He always felt his lips tingle with the desire to kiss it.

“TJ,” Steve cooed. He walked into the room, closing the laptops and taking TJ’s phone out of his shaking hand. He pulled TJ into him, wrapping those large arms so tightly around TJ’s frame that he felt like his head was going to pop off. “I love you.”

TJ pressed his face into the crook of Steve’s neck. “I’d do anything for you,” TJ whispered. If he spoke any louder he’d cry. His voice was already unsteady enough. “I’d kill for you. I’d die for you.”

“I know,” Steve responded silently. He rubbed his hands up and down TJ’s back and kissed his head.

“I’m so sorry I did this to you!” TJ couldn’t stop it. Tears welled up in his eyes, spilling out rapidly even before he had a chance to realize it. He clung to Steve’s shirt, balling it up in his fists, trying to pull Steve closer even though it was impossible. TJ still felt like Steve was too far away.

“Hey,” Steve whispered softly. He cupped TJ’s face in his hands, brushing his thumbs over tear tracks. “You didn’t do anything to me.”

“I made you go on that interview,” TJ countered, his lip quivering. “I made you face that crowd from the airplane. I…I made you go on dates with me.”

“TJ,” Steve said in exasperation. “Do you think you could honestly make me do something I didn’t really wanna do? TJ, I love you, but something like this…if I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t do it. I wanted this. I still want this.”

TJ’s heart soared out of his heart and into the skies. He felt dizzy, like the world was spinning too fast and he could feel the wind hitting him full force in the face. “I just wanna protect you.”

Steve smiled, pressing his forehead against TJ’s. He lingered there in silence, just letting that smile sit against his red lips. TJ wanted to lean in so badly. He wanted to lean in and scoop those lips up against his. He didn’t. He waited. Because seeing that smile, feeling Steve around him… This was beautiful. This was everything TJ had ever wanted. Steve was here. He was acknowledging TJ for everything he’d done. All the photos on Instagram, all the hours of damage control and vigilant poaching of various news channels and TJ’s constant correspondence to newspapers. Steve was grateful. TJ knew it, even if Steve didn’t really outright say it.

“You protect me every day, TJ,” Steve finally said. He opened his eyes. TJ watched those long, black lashes flutter, like the wings of a butterfly, each time Steve blinked. “You and Bucky both keep me alive. Keep me sane. I’d have given up and…” He faltered, grimacing softly. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“Can I kiss you?” TJ abruptly asked. His lips were practically aching to press against Steve’s. Being this close to Steve, hearing these words…it was an intoxication that TJ wasn’t familiar with but he knew he _needed_ it.

Steve laughed, pressing his lips against TJ’s softly. “Always,” he whispered into the kiss. Their lips lazily locked into each other. The kiss was light and entirely void of tongue, but TJ didn’t care. That wasn’t what he was searching for. It was the connection. The feeling of Steve’s soul pouring into his and wrapping around it so protectively; the euphoria that sizzled from his lips and up into the backs of his eyes.

“And it’s “May I kiss you,” Steve corrected as he pulled back.

TJ barked out a laugh, punching Steve’s powerful chest. “Jerk.”

Steve grabbed at TJ’s hands, kissing the knuckles one by one. “Yeah, I’m known to be one of those on occasion.”

“He’s also a smartass, but don’t let that stop you from shoving it back in his face,” Bucky said as he leaned against the doorway.

TJ watched Steve run his fingers over TJ’s, mapping the wrinkles in the skin; tracing the veins. He could fall into a trance from those tiny touches.

“You should start getting ready for our date,” Bucky said, still hovering in the doorway. TJ wasn’t entirely sure why he wasn’t just coming in. Bucky was an enigma. A complete and utter mystery that TJ wasn’t sure he’d ever understand. TJ could often figure out where Steve’s head was, but not Bucky’s. He never understood what was going on in that mind. “Dress in clothes you don’t care if they get muddy though.”

“Why?” TJ asked, finally looking up from watching Steve’s hands play with his.

Bucky smiled the most playful and suggestive grin TJ had ever seen. “Oh, you’ll see…” He walked away.

“What’re we doing?” TJ asked, his head snapping to look at Steve.

Steve laughed lightly, pressing a final kiss to TJ’s hands and dropping them back into TJ’s lap. “You’ll see. It’s all very romantic though.”

TJ punched Steve playfully. “Jerk!”

Steve nodded, his face lit up in a full smile that brought out the speckles of blues and greens in his eyes. “Yeah…I’m beginning to think you’ve forgotten my real name.”

TJ pursed his lips, though he was incapable of keeping the smile away that tugged at the corners of his lips. “You’re... a jerk.”

“I love you.”

* * *

 

TJ shook his leg anxiously as he looked out the window as Grandpa Hammond’s farm came into view. For most of the ride, Bucky was silent. If TJ had to surmise the entire car ride into one word, that word would be “awkward.” It wasn’t as if Bucky wasn’t trying. Clearly he was. He was trying harder than anyone had ever tried with TJ, and for that, TJ had to give him so much credit. But closed spaces seemed to make Bucky nervous and most of the ride he kept his gaze locked on the back of the limo driver’s head (he’d refused to let the driver put up the privacy panel).  Technically, they didn’t actually need a limo. They could have just used a secret servicemen and one of the SUV’s, but Bucky had actually opted for the limo, considering he’d only recently been introduced to them. He liked the symbolism, TJ guessed.

TJ had tried to strike up some kind of conversation. He’d tried to pry about what they’d be doing on their date but Bucky would just shrug, offer that knowing grin and go back to staring at the driver’s head. TJ was pretty sure the driver could feel that heavy gaze heating up the back of his skull. TJ practically could.

The driver pulled up next to the house. TJ hadn’t been here since Doug and Anne’s wedding. He smiled brightly, looking at the large, white house with its columns and stone fence. “This place always reminds me of the best memories.”

Bucky got out of the car, offering back a hand to TJ. “Well let’s keep adding to them.”

TJ rolled his eyes. “Wow, putting on the charm aren’t ya?” He tossed his head to the side coyly, taking Bucky’s hand.

Bucky gave a gentle squeeze before replying, “I’m always charming. When I’m not being a dick.”

“You have quite the dick,” TJ laughed. “I mean, you are quite the dick.”

Bucky scoffed, but a smile was permanently set against his lips. “TJ Hammond, you’re a little shit.”

They walked along the stones, hand in hand. TJ’s heart wouldn’t stop fluttering. Steve wasn’t here. There was nothing that could separate him from Bucky. Nothing that could divert Bucky’s attention. Bucky _wanted_ this. TJ bit at his lip, looking down at the gravel. Why? Why’d Bucky want this? He had everything already. He had what TJ wanted most, which was Steve’s absolute and undying love. What did Bucky have to gain from this? _‘You…’_

“So,” TJ drawled, trying to dislodge his thoughts. “Can I know what we’re doing now?”

Bucky nodded silently, jerking his nose off toward the stable. “We’re going riding. Then we’ll have a picnic dinner, and then when it’s super dark and moderately creepy out, we’re going boating into the middle of the pond and I’m gonna let you talk to me about anything and everything, and I get to hold you the entire time.”

TJ laughed. “Anything and everything?” He couldn’t deny the adrenaline that shot into his heart, spreading like wildfire in his veins. This date… This meant a lot more than just getting used to each other. Bucky was the most closed-off book TJ had ever met. When he said he’d let TJ ask him whatever he want, TJ was absolutely sure that meant _absolutely anything_ and Bucky would be honest; because whether TJ wanted to admit it or not, Bucky was always honest.

“I mean it, TJ,” Bucky said, his eyes darkening. “Anything.”

TJ nodded, swallowing hard as he tried to process this. Bucky had given this evening a lot of thought. It made TJ feel…warm, like a tiny candle was sitting in his stomach.

“C’mon, I haven’t been riding in…well…you know,” Bucky said as he tugged at TJ’s hand.

Together, they jogged to the stables. TJ wasn’t in the best of shape. Despite Bucky and Steve always groaning about working out, TJ was much more content to sit around and do blow… Kept the weight off and he didn’t have to deal with running and avoiding a good hamburger. Not that doing coke to keep weight off was a good excuse… It wasn’t. And it was by far one of the absolute last reasons TJ did blow anyway.

He was panting by the time they’d gotten to the stables, coming to rest his hands over his knees as he caught his breath. “I am _not_ in shape.”

Bucky got behind TJ, running his hands along TJ’s back. TJ suppressed the desire to lean into Bucky. “Aww, don’t worry, TJ, round is a shape.”

“Hey!” TJ protested, swatting at Bucky’s thigh as he turned around and started running into the stable. Bucky just strode in with an amused grin on his face. The way he moved… Shoulders first, head tossing lightly from side to side. It was how runway models moved and Bucky had never seen a runway a day in his life. He was born to be perfect. Or maybe it was trained into him. TJ wasn’t sure… Did assassins have to be trained to walk a certain way? Bucky certainly made no sounds when he walked. He was always as silent as death… Perhaps…that was something TJ would ask him about tonight.

His eyes rounded as he’d suddenly realized just _how_ much he could ask. Bucky wasn’t going to hide anything. Everything was on the table and he’d answer. TJ could ask him about HYDRA, about the experiments and torture. He could ask how it felt…what it was like… Anything…

“Which horse do you wanna ride?” Bucky asked as he grabbed some reins.

“Do you even know how to ride?” TJ asked.

“Pff, do I know how to ride…” Bucky responded, bunching up his face as he scoffed. “I…actually I think I’ve only rode horses a few times in my life, but, I like to live dangerously. It’ll be a good time.”

TJ laughed, taking the reins from Bucky and walking over to his favorite horse. “I like this girl,” TJ said as he jerked his head in the direction of a palmetto. “Her name’s Cassie. She’ll be good for you.”

“Oh, for me?” Bucky asked challengingly. “She gonna run me into a tree?”

TJ shook his head. “She’s super patient.”

“If you make fun of my riding skills TJ,” Bucky warned jokingly. “I’ll make sure I embarrass the hell out of you at the next political party we attend.”

TJ opened the stall, going over to the hose to slip the reins on. “You’re gonna attend those with me now?”

Bucky leaned against the stall’s door, looking at his metal hand. “I mean, once I’m back into the world. I’m gonna be the next Captain America, didn’t you know?”

TJ scoffed, brushing Cassie’s back off. “Oh please. Hand me a saddle.”

Bucky did as instructed. TJ felt his gaze follow him as he saddled her up. “What would’ve happened if I told you I didn’t know how to do any of this?” TJ asked as he looked over the horse’s back.

“I asked your mom,” Bucky shrugged. “So…that wouldn’t happen.”

“You are smooth, Barnes,” TJ giggled. “She’s ready.” He led the horse gently by the reins, handing them over to Bucky. “Sure you wanna do this?”

“I’ll be fine,” Bucky responded, pressing a soft kiss to TJ’s lips. TJ hadn’t meant to, but he jerked his head back, ending the kiss abruptly. His heart lurched into his throat. It wasn’t like Bucky had never kissed him before… But Steve had always been around. TJ was half convinced Bucky had been doing it for show…but this… “M’sorry,” Bucky whispered.

“N-no,” TJ responded, feeling flustered. “I just…I’ve got so many thoughts in my head.”

Bucky pet Cassie’s muzzle, looking her over. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet,” TJ answered, looking up with a determined facial expression. “I wanna wait till tonight.”

Bucky nodded. He clicked for Cassie to start walking and together they went out into the property. “I’m gonna just walk her for a bit, okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine!” TJ called back as he walked over to another horse. “Hey Cypress,” he cooed softly as he opened the Gypsy Vanner’s stall. Cypress was a retired show horse. His mane and tail were braided to keep from breaking. Grandpa Hammond usually only brought him out  for parades where he’d pull carts or show off his dressage skills. TJ liked how flashy the horse was… He appreciated style.

After getting Cypress ready, TJ went out to find Bucky atop Cassie already. He was circling her around, just talking to her and petting her occasionally. “You look good on a horse,” TJ said as he went over to the stool to help himself up. So maybe he wasn’t the best at horseback riding…

“Eh,” Bucky drawled. “I just thought it’d be fun to walk along the road for a bit and talk.”

“Shut up and take my compliment,” TJ shot back playfully.

Bucky laughed, dropping his head and smiling wide. TJ knew that smile. It was the smile in the Smithsonian exhibit… it was the smile that TJ used to sport when he actually felt truly happy. He mounted Cypress, trotting over to Bucky and Cassie.

“You know… is it weird that I find you sexy? But…we’re identical?”

“We’re not identical,” Bucky responded immediately. “And I like that you find me sexy.”

They started walking along the long gravel road, side by side. Cassie snorted and swished her tail. “Hey, Cass,” TJ cooed. “You think me n’ Buck look identical right?”

The horse swished her tail again.

“Cassie agrees with me,” TJ replied, flashing a shit-eating grin.

“Ha. Ha. Your snark knows no bounds,” Bucky stated flatly; his lips were pulled up in a gentle smirk. “Does it bother you? How much we look alike?”

TJ shrugged. “I think…sometimes it does.”

Bucky remained silent.

TJ sucked in a deep breath, feeling his sternum pop in his chest. “I mean…I don’t know. We’re not related. Or at least…I don’t think we are. But, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be in this relationship.”

“Would you be in a relationship with me?” Bucky asked.

The question was so loaded that TJ could practically feel the barrel of a gun pressed against his head. He stammered silently, dropping his gaze and petting Cypress for anything to give him a reprieve from the question. Bucky was searching for where he stood with TJ…without Steve. Would TJ be dating Bucky…without Steve.

Bucky must’ve sensed TJ’s discomfort because he added, “You don’t have to answer that. I know, and it’s okay. But…I’m gonna ask you a lot of questions right now. You don’t have to answer any of them that make you uncomfortable.”

“I guess that’s fair,” TJ accepted. Cypress huffed, flicking his head. TJ bent down to stroke his neck softly.

“Why’d you let Steve call you “Bucky?”

TJ huffed abrasively. “Oh wow, right out of the gate, Barnes,” he spat. It was a bit harsher than he’d meant it to be, but he wasn’t apologizing.

“You don’t have to answer,” Bucky said quickly. “It’s just… it kills me to know you think that little of yourself.”

“Who says I think little of myself?” TJ challenged.

“TJ…”

TJ took in a deep breath through his nose. “Okay…yeah…I just…the first night I met Steve, we fucked. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again so I thought that a little imagination would make it fun. It was just a game.”

“It wasn’t a game to him,” Bucky said, his gaze locked on TJ.

TJ ran his tongue along his bottom lip, nodding softly. “No, I know. I think there were times where he really believed I was you.”

Bucky uttered the smallest, strangled noise from the back of his throat. His face was strained as he worried at his bottom lip. “And how’d that make you feel?”

TJ rolled his head back against his shoulders, looking up at the darkening sky. “It made me feel…” he pondered. “It made me feel good. Like I really mattered.”

“And you couldn’t just matter by being TJ?” Bucky pressed.

TJ looked back down, fingering the leather reins in his hands. “I’m a drug-addicted, professional fuck up. I’ve never mattered.”

Bucky took in a sharp breath. TJ felt his heartbeat climb. He was being more open with Bucky than he’d ever been with Steve. Steve…the man he loved above life, above all things…didn’t even ask these kinds of questions. TJ wasn’t sure if it was because Steve never wanted to make TJ feel upset, or if it was because he just didn’t think the way Bucky did. Bucky looked for a whole picture. He sought out the details in the brushstrokes, the composition…the real meaning. Steve looked at one aspect and appreciated it for what it was as a whole. It made sense why Steve and Bucky had fallen so hard for each other. They offered perspectives that the other could never see.

“You matter to me,” Bucky finally said. “And you matter a whole lot to Steve.”

TJ shrugged. “Sure.” He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He hated how raw he felt. It was like his ribs were being cracked open, exposing his heart and lungs. It was hard to breathe. Bucky’s gaze was like a ton of bricks and TJ felt like he was literally being suffocated.

“Do you hate knowing I’m here? Knowing he won’t call you my name anymore?” But despite the turmoil TJ was experiencing, Bucky was relentless. He’d extrapolate every detail; bring forth every clue as to how TJ’s mind worked and how he was feeling. TJ had never felt so exposed on a date before…

“I…” The words dug deep into TJ’s throat, forcing him to swallow hard as he tried to bring about a better way of phrasing this. His heart was rocking violently into his sternum. “This is…”

Bucky watched TJ’s face contort from grimaces to anxious bites against the lips. He waited patiently with a face that spoke of absolute neutrality and TJ hated that. He wished he could see what Bucky was searching for. He wanted to be done with this!

“He loves you,” TJ lamented, the words strangled and tight in his throat. “You were always his. He’s always been yours. Pretending to be you…getting to live out that fantasy…it just felt…” He sighed heavily, finally feeling his lungs expand as he relaxed. Getting this all out was somehow calming. Like TJ had needed to say this for so long but just didn’t know how. “It felt nice.”  

Bucky nodded, finally looking down to Cassie and stroking her muscular neck softly. “I get that.”

“I’m sorry,” TJ offered, feeling the sting of tears at the corners of his eyes. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Bucky stopped his horse. His eyes were round, TJ could see the cracks forming as shock seared into those irises. “M-me uncomfortable? Jesus _Christ_ , TJ!”

TJ turned Cypress around, staring through guarded eyes as he ducked his chin in shame. Bucky’s tone wasn’t angry…but it wasn’t pleasant. Fed up? Done? TJ wouldn’t be surprised if Bucky had decided he had enough.

“TJ, the only reason I’m uncomfortable is because you really, really hate yourself. You’ve dug yourself into this illusion that if you hate yourself that it’ll be easier when Steve finally let’s go. But he’s not letting go, TJ! I’m not letting you go. Every _fucking_ day I try so hard to give you space, to let you have time with Steve and do anything I can to show you how much I care about you!” His voice cracked.

TJ looked up with innocent, alert eyes. His heart froze in his chest as he hung onto Bucky’s words desperately.

Bucky sniffed, attempting to hold back the tears that were shimmering from the ashen sunset. “It’s probably _because_ we look so much alike, but I feel so…connected to you. You’re not a stand-in, TJ. You never were. Steve loves me because I’m me…and he loves you because you’re you.”

TJ hadn’t realized he’d stopped breathing till his vision blurred slightly. He wavered atop his saddle, slouching so he could steady himself against Cypress’ neck. “I…I don’t know what you want me to say to this.”

Bucky looked away, twitching his lips as he mulled over TJ’s words. “I don’t care what you say to it. I just needed you to hear it, even if it’s obvious you _still_ don’t believe it.”

TJ breathed in, preparing himself to speak again when it just suddenly didn’t seem worth it. He didn’t want this conversation to continue. He’d been longing for an end to it and now one finally presented itself. “I’m hungry,” he stated. “Can we go eat now?”

Bucky nodded softly, his gaze traveling around the property. “Sure.”

They rode in silence the rest of the way back to the barn. TJ was too afraid to speak. He couldn’t decide if Bucky was pissed at him or if he was just lost in his own thoughts. His face was that blank, serene expression of complete apathy. He tried to ask how Bucky felt several times but his tongue kept going dry and he managed to swallow saliva wrong once. Bucky had looked over to in inquisitively, but he didn’t say anything.

This was supposed to fix things between them and all TJ felt it was doing was driving them more apart.

They dismounted in silence. They brushed down their horses in silence. TJ couldn’t take it anymore. Aside from the gentle neighs and huffs from the horses, the silence was so oppressive TJ could feel it pressing against his skin like thousands of hands just _squeezing_ him. He didn’t know what to do. When Bucky got quiet, TJ always got intimidated. His nerves were frayed and shot to hell and all TJ wanted to do now was hide in the house and cry. He wished to _God_ Bucky hadn’t fucking patted him down and took his blow before leaving (yeah Bucky _patted him down_ for drugs before leaving). TJ had wanted to protest, but Steve was standing there with that look of utter disappointment and TJ wanted to please Steve so badly so he just…let it all happen.

His fingers started to shake as he continued to brush Cypress’s back, watching the dust fly from his shiny coat. This was supposed to make things better… This was supposed to bring him closer to Bucky…

He dropped the brush.

“God damn it,” he whispered angrily. Huffing, he bent down to pick up the brush. When he turned around, Bucky was leaning against the stall’s door, his arms crossed over his chest. “I dropped the brush…”

“I saw,” Bucky stated.

“How long’ve you been standing there?” It always made TJ’s blood run cold when he remembered how _silent_ Bucky was…and _why_.

“Long enough to watch you drop the brush.” Bucky entered the stall, running his metal hand over the horse’s back so he could slide around him without spooking him. “TJ…”

TJ flinched, wrapping his arms around himself as tears slipped from his eyes. Everything was a disaster. His heart ached in his chest, cracking and slowly bleeding out all his frustrations. Bucky was working so hard to make this work and TJ had just wrecked everything by…being TJ.

Bucky wrapped his arms around TJ’s body, pulling him in and cradling the back of his head with his metal hand. “It’s okay, TJ,” he whispered. “It’s okay…”

TJ pushed his face against Bucky’s shoulder and sobbed into him. He fisted into the back of Bucky’s jacket, pulling at the leather and scratching his nails against it. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed out shakily.

Bucky held him, his grip strong and warm. He gently combed his fingers through TJ’s hair. “Don’t ever be sorry for how you feel.”

Bucky started rocking TJ, side to side, nice and slow. TJ had never felt more cocooned in something so protective in his life. He didn’t feel this _safe_ even in Steve’s arms. Bucky was right…they were connected. TJ didn’t know how or why, but they were. He pressed his lips against Bucky’s, heavily and desperate at first but Bucky took command of the kiss. He cupped TJ’s cheek, grazing his thumb over high cheekbones as he slipped his tongue into TJ’s mouth.

TJ couldn’t stop crying. Tears mixed with saliva as he turned his head, letting Bucky’s tongue slip just _that_ much further into his mouth. His spine tingled; a nice soft warmth that fizzed along his back as Bucky held him close.

TJ ran his lips along Bucky’s, feeling how soft and _warm_ they were. He pressed his forehead against Bucky’s, gasping for air as he sidled his lips into Bucky’s once more.

Bucky cupped TJ’s face with both hands now, using his thumbs to brush at the tears that silently slipped from TJ’s eyes.

_‘This is it,’_ TJ thought. _‘This is the moment I fall in love with Bucky Barnes.’_

TJ clutched urgently at Bucky’s shoulder blades. Their kisses were becoming more frantic as lips crashed against lips, tongues danced around each other, nuzzling playfully. Scruff brushed against scruff, making the tiniest scratchy sounds like sandpaper. TJ had a whole new set of tears, hot against his face. They weren’t tears of anger or doubt. They were full, crystal tears of certainty. He loved Bucky Barnes.

TJ Hammond…loved Bucky Barnes.

A laugh slipped from his throat. Bucky pulled back, but only so their noses could gently press against each other’s. He still wasn’t letting TJ’s face go as he held it softly in his hands; thumbs still catching tears.

“You okay?” Bucky asked through an ashen, husky voice.

TJ nodded, unable to really find words. He pressed his lips against Bucky’s once more, holding those velvet lips with his. He pulled back, licking at the saliva against his swollen lips.

Bucky offered a tiny, half-smile as he finally dropped his hands from TJ’s face. He wrapped his fingers, both metal and flesh, into TJ’s as he gently tugged TJ out of the horse’s stall. “I think Cypress has seen enough action tonight.”

TJ laughed. “Yeah…yeah I’ll bet he has.”

_God_ , was this what it was like when TJ fell in love with Steve? His heart was beating so violently it felt like it would explode from TJ’s chest any moment. His stomach twisted around itself, knotting and threading itself into every organ TJ could possibly think of inside his body. His nerves were aflame and he just _couldn’t stop shaking_. TJ was _so_ in love with Steve. But what was once new and exciting had been replaced with complacency and knowing…surety. TJ didn’t have to feel the rush of love to know he was in love with Steve. But Bucky… Bucky was new and uncharted and TJ had just fallen so hard and so fast that he couldn’t decide if someone had just punched him in the gut or if he’d been split in two. The ground seemed to tease him, moving just slightly away from him so he’d stumble and zigzag along next to Bucky.

And when Bucky wrapped his arm around TJ’s shoulder, offering that warm and confident smile… TJ could practically feel his skin melting into a puddle of pathetic feelings against the grass. He wanted to laugh again. He wanted to fall over, stare up at the night’s sky and just laugh at how _hard_ he’d just fallen. Had it just happened? Was he literally hit with Cupid’s bow? Or was this a thing that had been a long time coming? Had TJ just been pushing it aside and deflecting it with excuses, coke and anger? Was giving up and giving in finally what let him just… _feel_ this?

He wanted to say it. He wanted to repeat those three little words, over and over till his tongue cracked and his lips turned to ash. Did Bucky feel the same? Had he always felt like this? Did he just fall in love too? Did it feel as sudden to him as it felt for TJ?

Christ… TJ felt like he was going to puke.

“You doing okay there?” Bucky asked as he walked up the front porch steps.

TJ took the stairs slowly, zoning in on a wicker couch and plopped himself down. The world was spinning. “I’m just hungry…” he muttered.

“Yeah, okay,” Bucky laughed. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move, okay?”

TJ nodded. When Bucky disappeared into the house, TJ looked down at his hands. They were trembling softly, jerking in erratic rhythms. He needed to settle down. He couldn’t keep feeling like this or his body would combust. Food was a good distraction. He’d focus on the food and not on the man that he had only just now discovered that he could love as much as he loved Steve. Was there really that much room in his heart? Was it even possible? Maybe his heart was giving out… He was probably having a heart attack right now… It was the only explanation for how he was feeling. His heart couldn’t take the amount of love it wanted to carry and it was just…giving up.

Bucky came back out with a basket full of bread, cheese, grapes, wine, salad and what looked to be some sort of pink fish. TJ assumed it was salmon. He loved salmon. Did Bucky ask his mom about that too?

“Did my mom give you this idea?” he blurted.

Bucky chuckled, sitting down on the porch floor and getting the plates out to serve them. “Yeah…”

TJ laughed, freely and loud. His shoulders shook, his chest rose and fell… It felt so _good_ to laugh with all his inhibitions just cast aside, tossed into the wind.

Bucky must have even caught it, because the smile he let form on his lips made TJ forget how to breathe. “Sit on the floor with me?” Bucky asked.

TJ slipped from the wicker couch to the floor. He watched Bucky serve up the plates, nice and full.

“We’re gonna be on the water tonight, so I didn’t want something that was too heavy. Watching you puke over the side could be entertaining, but it doesn’t really scream romantic.”

TJ laughed softly through his nose. “Yeah…no thanks.” He took the plate, scanning over what he wanted to eat first. It was getting almost too dark for him to see the food on his plate. “Do you wanna turn the porch light on?”

“Hold on,” Bucky said, his tone slightly amused. “I got this.” He stood up, walking over to the other corner of the porch. TJ heard the sounds of a match being lit and watched as a warm, yellow glow started to waft into the air. “I may have asked your Grandpa to stock up candles around the porch.”

Bucky walked around the porch, going to each corner and table to light the numerous candles. Fifteen…sixteen…seventeen… TJ didn’t want to keep counting there were so many. The world was painted with gentle light, flicking and swaying lazily as a chilly breeze lulled by. Though, despite the nip in the air, TJ was so warm.

“How’s that for a romantic candle lit dinner?” Bucky asked sounding completely smug with himself.

“You’re a real Prince Charming,” TJ responded as he nibbled at a piece of cheese.

“Hell yeah I am!” Bucky exclaimed as he plopped back down on the floor and picked up his place. “I hope you like the salmon.”

“Who made it?” TJ asked, canting his head.

“…Natasha…” Bucky said unwillingly. “I can’t cook! I’m so shit at it! I’m sorry!”

TJ took a bite of the salmon. The tender flesh fell apart in his mouth, filling his mouth with  flavor. “Oh I’m going to die…”

Bucky’s eyes rounded in horror.

“This is so good. I’m going to die and go to food porn heaven.”

“Oh shit…” Bucky said in relief. “I thought you hated it for a second.”

TJ shook his head, taking a bitter bite and savoring the flavors that melted against his tongue. “I’m going to have an orgasm… I… am going… to have an orgasm.”

Bucky laughed softly. “But I was saving that for later,” he suggested flirtatiously, a wicked smile dancing across his lips.

TJ licked at his lips subconsciously. He wanted Bucky… He wanted Bucky so much more than he ever had. He knew Bucky fucked like a god but…it’d be different now. He’d want Bucky’s hands against his hips, pulling him close. He’d want Bucky’s tongue to trace the rim of his hole. He wanted to savor each and every grunt and moan that’d slip through those lips and completely and utterly wreck Bucky’s world with the best lay he’d ever have. He wanted all of it. “I wanna make love with you…” TJ said, still half in his trace of what’d it feel to actually experience having sex with Bucky with the feelings he had for him now.

He gasped, realizing the words he’d uttered. He pressed a hand over his mouth as his eyes widened.

Bucky was staring at him. His eyes were round and open but TJ wasn’t sure what kind of emotion was swimming within them. The candle flames flickered off those blue eyes, casting shadows against Bucky’s nose and cheeks that hid how he was truly feeling even more than Bucky already did.

“I…” TJ felt like his heart was going to crawl out of his mouth. “I mean…”

“I want that,” Bucky breathed, grabbing TJ’s hand.

TJ looked down, watching the flames that reflected in the metal appendage. TJ used his other hand to trace the rivets in the metal. “Okay…good.”

They stayed like that, silent and in their own thoughts, till another breeze tickled at the candles’ flames, reminding them their food was there and growing cold.

Bucky pulled back, taking a grape and chewing it softly. TJ could hear the faint sounds of the grape’s flesh being torn apart in Bucky’s mouth. He looked up from his plate, watching the curves of those lips move rhythmically as Bucky chewed. “Do I have something on my face?” Bucky asked.

“No…” TJ answered. “I don’t think my mouth looks as good as yours.”

Bucky snorted. “Oh please. Eat your food.”

TJ continued to eat his meal, tapping his shoes together happily as he did so. Natasha cooked a _good_ salmon. He actually whined when he looked down to see he only had a small bit left.

“You think you’ll have room for dessert though?” Bucky asked as he polished off his salad.

TJ’s brows flicked up briefly. “Depends on what it is…”

“Chocolate brownie cake with a warm fudge drizzle and cherries,” Bucky listed off, licking at the side of his lips.

“Oh…I have so much room for dessert…” TJ replied, his mouth already watering at the mere mention of the dessert’s name.

Bucky stood up, ruffling TJ’s hair for a moment before going back into the house to fetch the dessert.

“I love you,” TJ whispered out, testing how it felt against his tongue. His heart stirred, swelling impossibly large in his chest. He had to take deep, big breaths to be able to feel like he was getting enough oxygen. It felt right. He loved Bucky. There was room in his heart for both Steve _and_ Bucky.

Bucky came back with two slices of brownie cake. TJ hummed happily as Bucky handed him his plate. The fudge warmed the plate, sparkling against the candle flames. “Did you make this?” TJ asked.

Bucky ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek. “Do you want the honest answer?”

“Always,” TJ replied quickly.

Bucky pressed a kiss against the corner of TJ’s mouth. He leaned back and took a bite of the cake. “Steve made it for you.”

TJ looked down at the cake in reverence. “He made this…for me?”

Bucky chuckled, rolling his eyes. “You act as if it’s a big deal. Steve loves baking.”

“He’s never really baked anything for me before. Just cupcakes…” TJ stated as he thought back on the months he and Steve had spent together. “Nothing special.”

“Well…you are special to him and he wanted to prove that, so, he made this for you.”

TJ took a timid bite, his eyes lighting up as his taste buds sang out in ecstasy. “Steve is making this for me every day for the rest of my life…”

“You’re gonna get so fat!” Bucky teased, nudging his arm into TJ’s shoulder. “You’d look cute chubby.”

“Oh go to Hell,” TJ snapped playfully. Bucky sliced off a piece to balance on his fork. He brought it over to TJ’s plate to mop up some of the melted fudge. “Hey!”

“That was me going to Hell,” Bucky replied. “Just making sure Satan knows that the reason I’m in Hell is because I steal chocolate off my boyfriend’s plate.”

TJ’s heart had never fluttered so fast. He’d never been left feeling breathless when Bucky called TJ his boyfriend. Right now though…he was breathless and spinning and so, so warm. “Bucky…” he said quietly.

Bucky’s gaze met his as he waited for TJ to continue.

“Thank you so much…for everything you’ve done for me.”

Bucky set his plate down, scooting closer to TJ and wrapping his metal arm around his shoulders. “You’re worth it.”

TJ almost deflected the compliment but he knew better. Bucky would scowl and try to drive the point home and TJ would just scoff and keep on pretending he believed his own lies, but now…now that seemed like such effort. It was so much easier to snuggle into Bucky’s shoulder and nuzzle against him; so TJ did.

“You ready for a creepy boat ride?”

“Why’s it gotta be creepy?” TJ mumbled sleepily. He was _so_ full and _so_ content from the delicious meal.

“Cause we’ll be surrounded by a pond in the night with nothing but a single lantern,” Bucky detailed. “I like to think it’s a symbolism of trust. I can’t run away from your questions…otherwise I’d have to swim and I hate swimming through water in the dark. I’m always scared somethin’s gonna bite me.”

“Seriously? The great and powerful Sergeant Barnes is afraid of swimming at night?” TJ asked incredulously, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

“I’m only human.”

TJ slipped his lips up against Bucky’s, tasting chocolate and sugar. Bucky opened his though, letting TJ’s tongue explore the curve of the roof of his mouth and the dips of his tongue. “I…” Adrenaline hit TJ’s heart like a lightning bolt. He’d almost said it! He’d almost told Bucky… No…not yet. What if Bucky didn’t really feel the same? He clearly wanted to but…what if it wasn’t there yet? TJ didn’t want to see the rejection filter into Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t want to see those perfect curved lips fall into a scowl. “I’m ready to go,” he amended.  

Bucky stood up, pulling TJ off the floor gently by the wrist. He pressed a kiss against TJ’s cheek before slipping his fingers into TJ’s and leading him down to the pond.

The pond wasn’t tiny by any means. It was several miles long and even more miles wide… TJ and Doug used to come out here and swim all the time. There was a dock where Grandpa Hammond kept his fishing boat, the ski jets and a rowboat. Bucky made his way for the rowboat. TJ cracked a soft smile. He was glad they’d use a boat without a motor. He felt tonight called for a gentler touch and a motor would just shatter the comfortable bubble they’d built around each other.

Bucky rowed them out into the pond, letting the boat just naturally float around now as he tucked the oars in. He lifted the lantern up, looking at TJ. “Do you want me to light this? I kinda like just the moonlight.”

“Moonlight’s good,” TJ murmured. The moon was high atop the night’s sky now, cascading silver light down upon the earth. Despite Bucky’s jokes from before, nothing about this felt creepy or even remotely scary. It was perfect. Beautiful.

“C’mere,” Bucky whispered. “I said I got to hold you the entire time.”

TJ laughed softly, but he scooted over to Bucky. Together, they dropped from the small sets of the boat and lay on its flooring, staring up at the twinkling stars above. Bucky absent-mindedly ran his flesh fingers along TJ’s wrist.

“You can ask me anything you want. I’ll answer everything with honesty and I won’t get angry.”

TJ mulled over what he wanted to ask. He had a lot of questions. Most of them about them. Some about HYDRA. A lot about Steve. He didn’t know where to begin. He just wanted to ask all of them first… He cleared his throat, pursing his lips. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Seriously?”

TJ giggled. “Yeah, I’m just warming up.”

“Hot dogs. New York style only though. None of that Chicago style crap. Actually, for that matter, fuck Chicago and their deep dish pizza.”

TJ barked out a laugh; it echoed against the black waters below them. “Someone has a lot of feelings!”

“I do though! I hate how…bready that shit is! Give me grease and cheese and meat any day!”

TJ settled back into Bucky’s warmth, tucking his head beneath Bucky’s chin. He grabbed Bucky’s metal hand with the backs of his fingers, forcing them to curl around his fingers. Bucky didn’t pull back.

“What was the worst thing that happened with you and HYDRA?” There. He’d asked it. It had been on his mind since the day he met Bucky. The nightmares that Bucky suffered, the anxious looks he’d send into a room when he couldn’t find the exists… TJ wasn’t blind. He knew many men who’d served in the military. He knew how to spot a man suffering from PTSD from miles away.

“I don’t even know where to begin with that…” Bucky sighed. “Waterboarding was always terrible. Actually… no. I know the worst thing.”

TJ waited. His fingers had suddenly gone cold as a small tremor rocked his body. Bucky just clung to him tighter.

“Every now and then…they’d bring me in to…” He stopped, sighing once more, like he was frustrated with himself for his lack of ability to explain it and for the memory itself. “It wasn’t rape. It was…science.” The word echoed off his lips like acid corroding an object. “You know, milking? Like the kink?”

“You’re shitting me…” TJ breathed out. “Oh my God, Bucky…” He tried to turn around to face Bucky, but Bucky pressed a hand against his chest to keep him still.

“It’s okay, TJ,” Bucky reminded warmly. “It’s all over now. Yeah, I get nightmares. Yeah… I sometimes… get a little loony but it’s over. I’m not good— but I’m okay.”

TJ closed his eyes, feeling bile sting at the back of his throat. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I’m glad you did,” Bucky countered gently. “I can talk about it, if you want.”

TJ was morbidly curious. It wasn’t every day someone was kidnapped and tortured extensively and willing to talk about it. He wanted to know because he was human, and humans were curious. “I— I wanna know,” TJ replied, barely above a whisper.

Bucky shifted a bit. TJ felt Bucky’s Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed against TJ’s head. “It only happened a few times. After Zola died. I think they were trying to find ways to create the serum again or refine it. They took a lot of my blood too. Now looking back it’s kind of— surreal. I was strapped to a table and they put basically a fleshlight on my dick and just— hit the on switch. Nothing sexy or romantic about it. Not that anything was ever sexy or romantic back then. Except… I did have a brief fling with this dame I was training in Red Room.”

“They let you train people?”

“Why wouldn’t they? It wasn’t as if I’d disobey them. Every now and then I’d get a flash of memory or something would make me…glitch…” That word was laced with so much disdain TJ was suddenly nervous Bucky would squeeze him too hard and snap his spine. Fortunately, Bucky’s grip around him stayed loose and comforting. “But they always got me back. Always suppressed my memories and life went on, I guess.”

TJ kept silent, his throat going dry as he stared up at the sky, slack jawed and dumbfounded. Bucky appeared to be handling this casually, but TJ knew better. He could feel the slight trembling of Bucky’s fingers, and how hard Bucky’s heart was beating against his back.

“The milking thing was the worst because a) I felt like a cow and b) because I knew what they were doing was fucked up. Yeah, it felt good. Yeah I moaned a shit ton but… they just… watched. None of ‘em ever got hard. None of them even showed any sign that they were human. It was just part of the job description. “Get the Asset to come into this tube and let’s use his sperm for HYDRA!” Bucky scoffed. “Jesus… I wonder what they did with it.”

TJ shivered. “You don’t think…”

Bucky seemed to catch onto TJ’s train of thought because he pressed a kiss against the top of his head. “No. You’re your mother and father’s kid. You can see it. Ain’t none of me in you.”

TJ let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding. “God, that’d be fucked up.”

Bucky snorted. “Oh yeah. It’d be even more fucked up cause that’d make you property of HYDRA too and then we’d both just be shit outta luck.”

“What’s the best memory you have of Steve?” TJ asked, derailing the subject. He’d had enough about HYDRA to last a lifetime now.

Bucky seemed to appreciate it, because he kissed TJ’s head again, letting his lips linger against TJ’s crown longer than a normal kiss. “When Steve was just skin and bones, he’d make the cutest sounds when he slept. He was like a kitten. God, I used to love fallin’ asleep listening to him. It was like… mewling? And snoring? I don’t know. He doesn’t make ‘em anymore, so I guess it had somethin’ to do with his weak lungs but, Christ…it was so beautiful. When I went off to war, I had trouble sleeping because I couldn’t hear ‘em anymore.”

TJ smiled. “I wish I could’ve seen him skinny.”

“Oh my _God_ , TJ,” Bucky exclaimed. “He was so beautiful. He hated himself…kinda like you…but I swear to ever-loving Jesus fucking Christ he was a fucking angel.”

“You’ve got a mouth, Barnes,” TJ laughed out.

“Sue me. I was in a war and grew up in Brooklyn. I fucking love my language.”

TJ’s heart pulsed happily. Bucky lit up like a candle when he spoke about Steve. His whole body seemed to relax and his heart was still slamming up into TJ’s back. It was beautiful to really hear it. To really get under the silent conversations the two of them always had and actually get to imagine them living together back before the war, back when it all happened…

“You really love him,” TJ stated.

“Half my heart,” Bucky replied automatically. “Boy’s always carried it. And I got half of his.”

TJ flinched. Bucky must’ve realized what he was saying because he squeezed TJ briefly. “I’d be willing to carry only a third of it though, cause I know he’s got half your heart too.”

“That’s a lot of hearts beating in his chest,” TJ tried to joke, but he couldn’t bring the smile to push at his lips. It felt exhausting. Not only was TJ competing against Bucky but he was now competing against Steve… He’d never be the love of Bucky’s life, just like he’d never be the love of Steve’s…

Bucky tapped at TJ, silently asking him to move. TJ sat up, watching Bucky grab a blanket from above him. “Cold,” he mumbled.

“Really?” TJ asked.

“I get cold _really_ easily,” Bucky replied. “Come back!” He reached out his arms, wiggling his fingers teasingly.

Bucky guided TJ back into him. This time, TJ was on his stomach with his chest pressed against Bucky’s. The boat rocked softly. TJ could hear the gentle gurgling of water.

“I like holding you,” Bucky whispered.

“I like you holding me,” TJ responded sluggishly.

“Any more questions?”

“Do you love me?” The question was out even before TJ realized what he was saying. His face flushed red as acid pooled in his stomach. “N-no. Wait, don’t answer that. I didn’t mean it.”

“TJ—”

“No, please don’t!” TJ said loudly, his voice echoing over the pond. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Do you love me?” Bucky asked.

TJ climbed off of Bucky, tossing the blanket back down so Bucky could stay warm. Panic was surging through his body. Everything felt like it was vibrating and he just wanted to jump into the water and get away. Bucky had been smart to bring them out here. Sure, Bucky couldn’t escape TJ’s questions but TJ couldn’t escape Bucky’s!

“TJ?” Bucky pressed.

TJ sat up on one of the seats again.

Bucky sat up, grabbing TJ’s hand. “Can I answer your question, TJ?”

TJ felt like he was going to vomit. The world was spinning but this time it was wobbly and violent, not giddy and exciting like before… Like when he realized he was in love with Bucky.

“Will it break my heart?” TJ inquired unevenly. He could feel his tear ducts already opening.

“No,” Bucky consoled.

TJ gave the softest of nods as he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see Bucky’s face. He didn’t want to hear the explanation of _why_ Bucky wasn’t in love…yet. Because it was always a waiting game with Bucky.

“I love you, TJ,” Bucky said.

TJ’s eyes opened wide as saucers.

“I love you,” Bucky repeated. He tried to offer a smile but it fell too quickly. “And… I know you don’t love me—”

“I love you,” TJ answered quickly, his expression still frozen in place.

Bucky sighed out through a smile; crow’s feet creasing around the corners of his eyes. “R-really?”

TJ nodded stiffly. His feet were numb. His tongue was sticky in his mouth. The world was spinning…

“C’mere, TJ,” Bucky requested, outstretching his arms.

TJ flung himself into Bucky, rocking the boat violently. Not for a second was he scared of tipping over. Worst case scenario, he’d kiss Bucky under black, cold water. His lips crashed against Bucky’s. Bucky yelped in surprise but he opened his mouth, running his tongue along TJ’s teeth playfully.

TJ straddled Bucky, wrapping his fingers into Bucky’s shaggy hair and rocking his needy hips against Bucky. “I love you, Bucky,” TJ whispered out against the other’s lips.

Bucky laughed, tilting his head up to catch TJ’s lips again. His fingers slipped up TJ’s shirt, roaming over his abs and coming to rest against the dimples in TJ’s back. TJ hadn’t felt so desperate for someone’s touch since the first night he’d met Steve. He rocked his hips, whining into the kiss as his erection rubbed against his zipper.

“You really wanna do this?” Bucky asked as he broke the kiss. “Here?”

TJ nodded. “Why not?”

“We could fall in?”

“That’d be funny,” TJ replied as he licked at Bucky’s lips. “I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

Bucky shrugged. He slipped his lips against TJ’s once more, letting TJ grind roughly against him, shaking the boat. He slipped his fingers back up TJ’s shirt, sliding his fingers over TJ’s soft stomach and up to his nipples. Bucky sucked TJ’s bottom lip into his mouth, dragging his teeth against it lightly as he twisted a nipple.

TJ yelped, grinding his hips down in a circular motion. The friction sent shivers down his spine as his zipper rubbed against the tip of his cock. “B-Bucky,” he groaned out. “I want out of my pants…”

Bucky laughed but his hands traced down Bucky’s abdomen and down to unzip TJ’s black jeans. “Lie on your back, baby,” Bucky instructed gently.

TJ crumbled to the boat’s floor, shimming out of his pants. TJ breathed a sigh of relief as his erection could press up against the cotton of his briefs without the sharpness of the jeans zipper. Bucky climbed atop him, pressing his knees to either side of TJ’s hips. He bent down, nipping at TJ’s neck, following along the line of his jugular with his tongue as he went lower; nipping at the tops of TJ’s collarbones.

Bucky leaned back, tracing his fingers down TJ’s chest, coming to rest against the elastic waistband. “I think it’s too cold to get naked.”

TJ whined, attempting to buck his hips beneath Bucky.

Bucky flashed a toothy grin as he shimmied down TJ’s legs. He leaned down mouthing over TJ’s erection and slipped his hands back up TJ’s shirt to finger soft circles against a nipple.

TJ arched into the touch, groaning as Bucky’s hot mouth nibbled gently through the fabric of TJ’s briefs.

“I wanna get you so hard you’re dick’s practically drooling precome,” Bucky breathed out as he licked up the curve of TJ’s dick.

TJ jerked up briefly, his muscles tensing at the sensation. “B-Bucky…” TJ knew Bucky liked things a little rougher than Steve but… “You said you wanted to make love with me.”

Bucky twisted his fingers into the waistband of TJ’s briefs. “Who says I can’t get you all hot and bothered first?”

TJ thudded his head against the boat’s floor. “I hate you,” he breathed out in defeat.

“Don’t be like that, baby,” Bucky protested softly. He palmed over TJ’s erection, circling the tip in the center of his hand slowly.

“Fffuck, Bucky,” TJ groaned through clenched teeth. He opened his eyes, watching Bucky run his nose along the length of his cock. TJ clenched his legs as he tried to prevent himself from bucking violently. “Bucky…” TJ whined. “Don’t be a tease.”

“I like being a tease,” Bucky said as he straddled himself atop TJ’s cock. “… ‘Sides, I think you’ll like where this is going.” He circled his hips slowly, making sure to run his ass over TJ’s cock.

TJ smacked the back of his head down against the boat. “ _Jesus,_ Bucky!”

“I’m gonna give you an option,” Bucky stated in a sultry, deep voice. “You let me do this my way, and I’ll let you top me, or…we do it your way and I’ll top you.”

TJ’s eyes snapped open. He honestly hadn’t expected that. Bucky didn’t seem like the type to relinquish any kind of control after what he’d been through. Sure, he’d agreed to letting Steve top him…but that was _Steve…_ Half his heart and all that.

“What if I’m in you and I start going nice and slow?” TJ challenged quirking a brow.

Bucky rolled his hips down into TJ, pulling a hiss from TJ’s lips. “Then you go slow. _After_ , I’ve already made a mess of you.”

TJ swallowed, nodding his head softly. “I wanna top you.”

Bucky leaned over to press a kiss against TJ’s lips. “I love you,” he whispered.

TJ’s heart practically collapsed form excitement. “I love you, too.”  

TJ watched with heavy eyelids as Bucky lifted his shirt up to his navel. Bucky traced TJ’s Adonis lines with his tongue, looking up impishly at TJ as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Bucky peppered kisses from hip bone to hip bone, taking one of his hands to massage over TJ’s cock in an agonizingly slow fashion.

TJ’s hands balled up into fists as he slammed them down against the boat, rocking it lightly. He had nothing to grab. Nothing to pull at. It was almost as agonizing as the pace Bucky was setting.

Bucky brushed his nose under TJ’s bellybutton, tracing the soft hairs that trailed down to his cock. TJ clenched his stomach as he rocked his hips up. He could feel the precome pooling against his cock, wetting his briefs. “Bucky…” TJ whined out. “Please…”

“Mmm, I’m not done yet,” Bucky cooed. He slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of TJ’s briefs, slipping them from side to side as he kissed at TJ’s hips. “You’re just so gorgeous…I can’t stop kissing you.”

TJ bit the side of his lip, looking up at the night’s sky. His cock was pulsing violently, radiating throughout his entire body. His limbs felt like jell-o and all he wanted to do was to quite frankly fuck his cock into Bucky’s mouth. Then he got a brilliant idea…

TJ lurched up, shaking the boat as he leapt onto Bucky. Bucky could have easily stopped TJ. He could have deflected or pushed back but he didn’t, which meant one thing; Bucky wanted to be pinned down. TJ smiled darkly as he kissed at Bucky’s jaw, dotting a line of shimmering, wet kisses from the cleft of his chin, down to his Adam’s apple; he circled it with his tongue.

“Nnnn,” Bucky hummed as he tossed his head from side to side in thought. “I guess you’re pretty hard, right? I mean…I can see you leaking through your briefs…”

“Shut up and let me fuck you,” TJ growled.

Bucky gasped in surprise as TJ bit against Bucky’s throat, biting with enough force to bring a bruise to the surface. TJ’s hands roamed up and down Bucky’s body, feeling his defined pectoral muscles, the rivets of his abdomen and how he’d shake softly when TJ would graze over his sides. “Are you ticklish?” TJ asked as he pressed a kiss against Bucky’s swollen lips.

“That’s classified,” Bucky breathed out.

“Mmm, no fun,” TJ responded. He undid Bucky’s pants, yanking them down. Bucky’s cock was already hard against his briefs. He flinched, which made TJ move back. “Are you sure about this?”

Bucky took a moment, swallowing thickly. “Yeah. I trust you.”

TJ’s heart swelled. “If it gets too uncomfortable just tell me to stop and−”

“TJ!” Bucky groaned. “Shut up and fuck me.”

TJ pulled at Bucky’s waistband, slipping them down and off his ankles. Bucky’s cock flipped up against his stomach, red and swollen. TJ moved to brush his nose against its underside in small circles, earning a hiss as Bucky’s head rolled back. He grabbed the base, gently running his fingers up and down lazily as he flicked his tongue out softly over the tip, licking lightly.

“Ahh, nnn, fuck, TJ,” Bucky panted.

Empowered, TJ wrapped his lips over Bucky’s cock, bobbing his head softly as he stroked at the base with his fingers. Saliva dribbled down Bucky’s cock and he worked it around the length, making his hand slick and shiny.

Bucky reached a hand down and twisted his fingers into TJ’s hair. His flesh hand was pressed against the back of his neck. “TJ...you’ve got such a pretty fucking mouth…”

TJ laughed around Bucky’s dick, rolling his eyes. He flicked his tongue out, pressing it into Bucky’s slit, tasting the salty precome that was building softly. He bobbed his head slowly, sucking with enough force that each time his lips reached the tip— he’d make sharp sucking sounds before pressing back down to swirl his tongue around Bucky’s dick.

Bucky was rocking into his mouth, moaning softly as his legs started to tremble. His metal hand was pressed firmly against the back of TJ’s skull. When TJ would flick his tongue at the underside of Bucky’s tip, those fingers would press a tad harder against him. “TJ…fuck…TJ…”

TJ pulled up, dropping Bucky’s saliva coated dick against his stomach. Bucky growled in response.

“Have you ever had someone finger you?” TJ asked.

Bucky’s body went rigid for a moment.

TJ wiped at the saliva that coated his lips.

“N-not in this context,” Bucky responded. “I mean, on occasion some guy’d stick his finger up there but…that’s a finger.”

“We can always switch?” TJ said suggested. “I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

Bucky spread his legs. TJ looked down instinctively to see his ass cheeks part naturally, revealing that tight hole of his. “I wanna do this with you.”

TJ leaned against one arm, brushing his chin against his shoulder. “Can I eat you out?”

“I’d be pissed if you didn’t,” Bucky responded as he leaned back against his elbows.

TJ licked at his lips hungrily. He _loved_ getting rimmed. He wanted to make Bucky feel that too. He scooted down, hooking his arms under Bucky’s legs and wrapping one hand around Bucky’s cock; just holding it.

Bucky watched expectantly but when TJ just brushed his nose against his ass, he let out the most _adorable_ and needy whine.

_‘So there’s a bottom in you somewhere…’_ TJ thought goofily.

He stroked lazily at the base of Bucky’s cock, running his tongue along the curves of Bucky’s ass.

“TJ...” Bucky whined. “I swear to God I’ll punch you…”

“Now you know how it feels,” TJ shot back as he bit an ass cheek playfully. He watched Bucky’s head drop back, mouth hanging open as TJ continued to stroke limply at Bucky’s cock.

TJ pressed his lips against Bucky’s rim, licking experimentally at it. Bucky’s hole tightened reflexively. TJ would have to take his time to properly work Bucky open. “We don’t have any lube, do we?” He asked as he peeked his head over Bucky’s cock.

“Shit…” Bucky breathed out. “Nope.”

“You still good with this?”

“Believe me when I say I’ve experienced pain a lot worse than this…” Bucky stated flatly.

TJ nodded. He swirled his tongue around the Bucky’s rim again, feeling it squeeze in on itself. He pushed closer, flattening his tongue and pressing it roughly against Bucky’s hole, licking up and down, feeling his tongue enter Bucky slightly before dipping back out again as he continued to lick heavily.

Bucky swayed his hips, whining softly as he grabbed at the lip of the boat with his hands. “It feels good, TJ…” he breathed out.

TJ sucked at Bucky’s hole; loud airy noises passed his lips as he sucked back flesh and air. He flicked his tongue out again, swirling its tip around the rivets of muscle before plunging inside Bucky.

Bucky jerked back in surprise but he settled back as a loud moan passed his lips, echoing off the pond around them. TJ heard his head smack against the boat.

TJ hooked his tongue inside Bucky, pulling it out like that with soft resistance as the muscles stretched to accommodate the light tugging. TJ heard Bucky’s metal hand smash down against the boat.

“F-fuck!” Bucky hissed out. “Holy fucking Jesus _Christ_ fuck!” he rushed out.

TJ swirled his tongue inside Bucky, lapping at the muscles that fluttered and clenched around his tongue. He continued to lazily stroke at Bucky’s cock every now and then. Bucky’s legs were trembling as he gasped and rocked into TJ’s mouth.

“Nnnn, fuck…ah…ahhh!”

TJ pulled his tongue out, sucking gently against the rim before flicking his tongue to press it flush against the hole and lick a long, heavy stripe up that slipped inside.

Bucky’s other hand slammed down as he rolled his ass against TJ’s face, briefly cutting off TJ’s oxygen. “God _damn it!_ Why did no one tell me how good this feels?” Bucky gasped out. “Sh-shit!”

TJ swirled his tongue inside, coating Bucky’s insides with a thick membrane of saliva. He pushed his nose against Bucky’s perineum, forcing the other to whimper softly as he flicked his tongue quickly around against the sides of Bucky’s muscles.  

Bucky’s body was _trembling_ as he gasped with each flick or swirl of TJ’s tongue. He rocked back against TJ’s face with a steady rhythm. “Mmmm… fuck… God it feels good…fuck it feels so good!” he whimpered.

TJ quickened his pace, stroking Bucky’s cock faster. He ran his thumb lightly over the tip, feeling the silken precome leaking out of it.

“Christ…fu-fuck…ahh…nnn,” Bucky panted.

TJ slowly pumped his tongue in and out of Bucky’s loosening hole. Saliva glistened around it, smearing against TJ’s face as he’d push just a bit _further_ , stretch his tongue just that much _deeper_.

Bucky was panting loudly, whispering and gasping over and over, “Oh God, oh God… O-oh God!”

TJ scooted up, licking along Bucky’s perineum as he flicked his wrist up and down Bucky’s cock, pulling the precome around it, making it shimmer in the starlight.

“TJ!” Bucky howled. “Fuck…fuck you…fuck you…”

TJ couldn’t stifle the laugh that puffed out against Bucky’s balls; he watched as Bucky tried to slam his legs shut around his head. “You want me to stop?” TJ asked.

“I…N–no…”

TJ pressed a kiss against Bucky’s protruding hip bone, flashing his tongue out to swipe against it. His pace around Bucky’s cock had decreased to that lazy, loose rhythm.

“T-this is payback…isn’t it?” Bucky gasped, looking down at TJ. “For future and past?”

TJ laughed again, moving back and spreading Bucky’s cheeks wide. He swirled his tongue around the entrance, pulling a long, _hungry_ moan from Bucky’s lips. “You could say that.”

Bucky’s hole was relaxing. The muscles didn’t clench around TJ’s tongue anymore and TJ could see the glistening saliva dribble from it. “You think you can handle my fingers?”

“Y-yes,” Bucky hissed, arching his back in anticipation. “Please, TJ.”

TJ sucked his fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the appendages as he worked to coat them with as much saliva as possible. He brought two fingers up against Bucky’s hole, swirling them  lazily.

“TJ!” Bucky shrieked. “Fucking. Put. Them. In. Me,” he growled.

TJ wasn’t one for unleashing Bucky’s ire, so he pushed two fingers in, getting them to the second knuckle before twisting them back and forth.

“Ngh…f-fuck,” Bucky breathed out sharply.

“This okay?” TJ asked.

Bucky’s mouth hung open; he stared up at the sky, nodding.

TJ pulled his fingers back so the pads rested against the rim of Bucky’s hole before he pushed them further inside, listening to the squelching noises as his fingers were enveloped easily. He pulled them apart, scissoring Bucky slowly as he continued to thrust them back and forth.

Bucky’s chest heaved aggressively as he arched into each thrust. He pushed his hips down, pulling more of TJ’s fingers inside till they were up to third knuckle. “Ah…ah…ah…”

TJ couldn’t help but smile, watching as Bucky fucked himself against TJ’s fingers. This was a side of Bucky that TJ had _never_ seen. Bucky didn’t let himself be controlled. He didn’t let himself look soft or needy. This had been intentional. Bucky _wanted_ TJ to see this side of him. Bucky _wanted_ to show TJ what he thought. He did love TJ. He did want TJ.

TJ could have cried, except that would spoil the moment and his cock pulsed _pointedly_ , reminding him that it was drooling out precome against his leg.

TJ leaned down, scooping Bucky’s cock into his mouth as Bucky continued to thrust against his fingers.

“Sh-shit!” Bucky hissed out. “TJ…TJ I’m…I…”

He swirled his tongue along the cockhead, coming to balance his tongue along the underside and lap aggressively against it. Bucky rocked his hips up, slamming his cock against the roof of TJ’s mouth. He pulled back which pulled TJ’s fingers so far inside his ring finger actually _popped_ from the force of it.

“TJ…” Bucky whispered out. “St-stop…”

TJ immediately sat up, pulling his fingers from Bucky’s ass. His heart iced over anxiously. “Are you okay?”

Bucky grabbed at the tip of the boat, his limbs shaking. His chest was still heaving. “M’fine, wanna sit on you,” he mumbled softly.

TJ ran his tongue against the roof of his mouth, nodding breathlessly. He helped Bucky’s quivering body up and slipped under him. Bucky’s knees were at both sides of TJ’s hips. TJ lifted his knees so he could help support Bucky’s weight. He’d never seen Bucky shake so badly. His heart panged as a strange since of pride and guilt both mixed within him, stirring a heat in the pit of his stomach. Bucky was enjoying this, but he also looked…nervous. TJ wasn’t sure he could just set that aside.

“You really wanna do this?” TJ probed for the umpteenth time.

Bucky kissed TJ’s forehead. “I swear to God, if you ask me that again, I’ll push you over the boat and make you swim to shore.”

TJ was pretty sure that wasn’t an empty threat. 

TJ spit down onto his fingers, coating his swollen dick with the saliva and precome that’d been leaking profusely. “It’s gonna hurt…”

“I don’t _care_ , TJ.” Bucky rocked his hips against TJ, letting his leaking dick slip up TJ’s abdomen. He shivered, whining softly.

TJ lined himself up, watching Bucky’s shaky hands reach back and pull himself open. He let his knees slid out, letting his hole push down against TJ’s dick.

TJ suppressed the _overwhelming_ desire to just push up and into Bucky. His rim was hot and _wet_ against his tip and when he slipped into that _tight_ hole he swore someone had lit a fire in his stomach.

TJ hadn’t topped in a _long_ time. He usually preferred it that way. He was a needy individual and he liked to feel cared for, but he liked this. He liked seeing the vulnerability that Bucky kept hidden away. He liked feeling Bucky’s muscles flinching around him and he certainly _loved_ the soft gasps that fell from Bucky’s lips.

He kissed at Bucky’s throat, soft and gentle. His hands went down to Bucky’s ass, slipping under his fingers and squeezing at that gorgeous ass.

Bucky’s muscles tightened around TJ’s dick. He shivered as he pulled up. “I-I can do this,” he whispered against TJ’s ear, nipping at the lobe.

TJ’s back muscles were clenching as he fought against rolling up into Bucky as he pulled up. “I know you can. Go at your pace.”

Bucky licked at his lips as he lowered himself back down again. He took all of TJ’s tip, bouncing up and down atop it. His mouth dropped open as his head rolled back. TJ leaned forward to press tiny kisses against that arched neck. His hands were still on Bucky’s ass. He massaged at the muscles, squeezing against the flesh occasionally as he lifted his hips softly, pushing up further into Bucky’s hot ass.

“Ah! O-oh fuck…” Bucky hissed. He bit at his bottom lip. “Mmmm.”

TJ’s spine shivered at Bucky’s soft mewling. _God_ , Steve didn’t even sound that beautiful as he was being rocked into by Bucky. Bucky was power, size and grace but he was also fragile, lithe and soft all at the same time. TJ admired that. He honestly wanted to _be_ that.

Bucky let his knees slip further out so he could fall along TJ’s dick more. “Hnn, oh…oh God,” he panted. “You make this look so easy…”

TJ laughed, accidently thrusting up from the sensation. “It’s not easy.”

Bucky rolled in his lips, looking down at his ass as he swirled his hips tentatively.

TJ gripped against those asscheeks harder. _God_ , it felt so good. Bucky was so _warm_ , wet and tight… TJ wanted to let go of reservations. He wanted to rock up into Bucky so hard that he had the man crying from pleasure. He wanted to show Bucky how _good_ it felt when someone else was drilling deep into _him_ for a change.

“Oh fuck it…” Bucky resigned as he shoved himself fully down against TJ’s dick, their hips slipping up against each other; rocking the boat. He shrieked in pain, dropping his head against TJ’s shoulder and biting down heavily. A whole new plague of tremors washed into his body.

TJ groaned as Bucky drew blood from his shoulder. His hands reached up to cup against Bucky’s shoulder blades. “Ff-fuck! Fuck, Bucky…” he whined. “You didn’t have to– You didn’t have to do that.”

Bucky nuzzled his face into the crook of TJ’s neck. “I wanted to, baby” he breathed, ghosting hot breath against TJ, making him shiver.

Bucky rolled his hips, lazily and unsure of himself at first. The boat moved steadily with his rhythm. He bit at his lip, arching his back, slipping up and down TJ’s cock.

TJ moaned loudly, his hands sliding down to the middle of Bucky’s back so he could support the angle Bucky seemed to want. Bucky arched further against his hands. “Bucky…” TJ breathed. “Y-you feel so good.”

Bucky swirled his hips once, pushing down further, smiling as TJ’s back stiffened. “You like that, baby?”

TJ nodded, letting his mouth drop open as he scooped Bucky’s mouth into a kiss.

Bucky seemed to collect himself, because his timid movements became more pronounced. He rode up and down TJ’s cock, letting himself bring TJ’s tip to rest softly against his rim before dropping back down in one graceful swing of his hips. The boat rocked heavier but TJ was pretty sure they weren’t going to flip over.

TJ’s legs clenched as he forced himself not to fall backwards. “Oh yes baby, oh _God_ yes…” Bucky was a fucking _godsend_. His movements were precise and effortlessly calculated. He pressed desperate kisses against TJ’s face, moving from cheek to cheek as he rolled his body in these long, _elongated_ motions.

TJ’s mind clouded over as he felt shivers of pleasure flow through him. He groped at Bucky’s ass, smacking it with a loud sting.  

Bucky yelped. He flicked his tongue out at the corner of TJ’s mouth. He leaned back, bouncing up and down, smacking himself loudly against TJ’s hips. “Ahh, ahh, nngh.”

TJ watched in a mesmerized stupor. Bucky kept licking at his lips, making them sparkle like the very stars that shimmered in the sky. His brow was lightly creased and each time he’d pant his mouth would drop just _barely_ into the most beautiful facial expression of _desire_ and pleasure TJ had ever seen.

TJ slipped his hands up Bucky’s shirt, running his hands up and down Bucky’s back, digging his nails in slightly as Bucky would circle his hips down, slamming atop TJ’s cock. “G-God! Bucky!” TJ gasped out. “Y-you’ve done this before…”

“No,” Bucky laughed. “No I haven’t.”

TJ’s stomach was pooling with warmth. The hot muscles around his dick enveloped him, pulled him in deeper and deeper with each thrust. His fingers started to tremble as he slipped them down Bucky’s torso and grabbed urgently at his hips. He leaned forward, rocking up into Bucky, smacking his skin loudly against Bucky as they fell into a comfortable, desperate rhythm. The water splashed lazily around them as the boat rocked from their movement.

Bucky gasped softly with each thrust, rolling his head back and whined out a long mewling, vibrato when TJ hit his prostate. “Ah! R-right there, right there baby! H-holy. Fucking. _SHIT_!”

TJ rocked his hips up to meet Bucky’s, grazing the tip of his cock against Bucky’s prostate. Each time he hit it, he felt Bucky’s muscles convulse around him, felt Bucky’s body shake and relished in the soft whimpers Bucky let slip from his mouth.

TJ looked down, watching as Bucky’s dick swung anxiously from their motions. He watched the precome drizzle out, smearing against both of their shirts (he would have been fine with getting naked but Bucky made that call and at this point it didn’t really matter). “You want me to touch you baby?” TJ asked huskily.

Bucky nodded desperately. “Fuck yeah, oh fuck yeah, TJ,” he whined.

TJ slipped two fingers around Bucky’s dick, running them along his length as Bucky continued to bounce up and down on TJ’s dick.

“Ngh…TJ…” Bucky groaned. “More…I wanna…I wanna come.”

TJ spit down on his fingers, glazing the saliva against Bucky’s dick as he pumped fervently, fucking his fist around Bucky’s cock.

Bucky placed countless, needy kisses against TJ’s lips, whining softly into them as TJ flicked his thumb over Bucky’s tip. Bucky continued riding TJ for practically all he was fucking worth. TJ was now mildly concerned the boat would flip. “TJ…TJ…” he gasped out. “It feels so good…I…”

TJ caught Bucky’s mouth with his, listening to those mewling sounds that escaped Bucky’s lips when TJ would briefly close the kiss before pressing another into Bucky. Bucky’s hands fisted into TJ’s shirt. He rocked into TJ with an aggressive vigor that ignited TJ’s abdomen with a rush of heated pleasure.

TJ moaned loudly, pressing up against Bucky, smashing his hips against the other man as he’d push down. TJ smirked, he’d have bruises again… But he’d wear them like trophies- gifts. This was a gift. It wasn’t gentle; It’d been desperate and anxious but it needed to be done this way. TJ needed this and Bucky had been acutely aware of that. TJ knew he was needy… knew he needed reassurance more than a child who was scared of the dark, but that didn’t make him a bad person, that didn’t make him weak. It was just who he was and Bucky knew that. Bucky embraced that. So when their bodies would slip away from each other, TJ would wear these bruises with pride. Because they were gifts; accompanied by Bucky’s heart.

“TJ! Oh _fuck_ , baby!” Bucky cried out, dropping his head backward…”So good…so good…” Bucky’s muscles tightened around TJ. His seed spurted from his deep red cock, spewing up against TJ’s shirt. He continued to rock his hips quickly, shivering violently as he rolled through his orgasm. “Ah, ah, ah…fuuuck,” he groaned. He slipped off TJ, collapsing against the boat in a heaping mess of shaken limbs and whimpers.

TJ felt like he’d frozen over. His mind blanked, the sensations of heat around his dick disappearing and was replaced with nipping cold. His gaze focused back on Bucky, watching him convulse and heave deeply. TJ dropped down, his senses finally coming back to him. “Bucky…Bucky are you okay?” He grazed his hand over Bucky’s sweaty forehead, pushing the hair back.

“It’s a lot of feelings…” Bucky groaned out. “S-sit on me. I want you to come in my mouth.”

TJ hesitated for a moment, biting his lip and looking down in mild concern for Bucky. He was a supersoldier…but TJ had never seen Steve collapse that hard and he’d seen the way Bucky drilled him…

Bucky grabbed TJ’s wrist, bringing his attention back to the present. “I’m okay, TJ.”

TJ swung his legs over Bucky’s neck. He guided his cock into Bucky’s hot, eager mouth. Bucky gulped him down, swirling his tongue around his length. “F-fuck!” TJ hissed out, thrusting into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky wasn’t messing around. He looked up at TJ through long lashes, locking their gazes. He put on a show, smirking as TJ’s dick filled his mouth up. He slipped back, brushing his lips against the tip of TJ’s cock, flicking his tongue out in a serpentine fashion to play at the slit.

TJ’s head rolled back, toes clenching tightly, as he let out a long, guttural moan.

Bucky sucked him back into his mouth, running his tongue along the underside of his cock as he brought up a hand to pump at TJ’s base and squeeze his balls.

TJ buckled forward, rocking into Bucky’s mouth, feeling that wet tongue slide up and down him. “Mmm, so good baby,” TJ moaned out. “You’ve been so good for me.” He laced his fingers into Bucky’s hair, pushing his head forward so he could fuck into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky let him take control. He hollowed out his cheeks as drool slid down his chin. TJ felt his tip hit the back of Bucky’s throat. Bucky gagged softly.

“Ah..ah..fu-fuck…” TJ gasped as he felt Bucky’s throat muscles constrict around him in a desperate attempt to push him back or suck him down. He shivered, feeing his orgasm build up in his abdomen, trickling warmth down from his cock and trailing out into his toes.

He watched as Bucky took his dick all the way into the back of his throat, over and over again. TJ reached a hand down, running his thumb along Bucky’s bottom lip. Bucky looked up at him, his pupils dark and greedy as he swirled his tongue around TJ’s cock again.

That look…that _fucking_ look. Bucky had never looked so needy and innocent in the entirety of TJ’s life with him. He didn’t honestly think he’d ever shown that look to anyone. It was all TJ needed to make his balls lurch up and push his hot seed into Bucky’s anxious mouth. He doubled over, grabbing at the lip of the boat, moaning as loud as he could, “Bucky, fu-fuck! Ah _God_ , baby, yes… _FUCK_!” It echoed against the water like a crescendo from a cymbal.

Bucky hummed appreciatively, his gaze snapping back to TJ’s dick as he gulped down the semen. He grabbed TJ’s hips, stopping his thrusts. TJ whined as his orgasm rolled through him still, making his legs turn to jell-o. He watched Bucky slowly bob his head back and forth. Bucky’s lips closed over his tip; a thin trail of saliva glistened against the moonlight. He lapped at the slit softly, using the softest licks he possibly could.

TJ fought with his body to keep from collapsing. His limbs trembled lightly as he continued to lean over Bucky, resting his head against the lip of the boat. He was entirely astonished they hadn’t flung themselves over with how hard they’d rocked into each other. His orgasm had subsided and was replaced with gentle stimulations of pleasure that feathered from his cock down into his core.

Bucky was like a kitten with how light his licks were against his cock. TJ’s back arched as he brushed up into Bucky’s mouth. Bucky hummed, letting his lips glide over TJ’s softening dick. He reached his hands up, using both of them to lightly trace the pads of his fingers up and down the length, still circling his lips over the tip.

TJ felt his cock twitch as it struggled to keep hard. He pulled back, falling against the boat, rocking it softly and curling into Bucky’s chest. “You give the best head.”

“I wasn’t done yet,” Bucky pouted.

TJ huffed. “It started to be too much…”

“That’s why I dropped off you,” Bucky answered. “Sorry…for not saying anything. I didn’t remember how to speak for a second.”

TJ laughed, pressing a kiss against Bucky’s chest. “So it was good?”

Bucky nodded. “Not something I’m interested in doing all the time, but I’ll let Steve do it and call it a day.”

“Why not?” TJ asked as he propped his elbow against Bucky’s chest, supporting his head.

Bucky pursed his lips, pressing his feet into the side of the boat. “It’s overwhelming. You’re feeling all these sensations all over your body and you’re trusting this person to not hurt you or do something you don’t like. It’s like one of those trust falls.”

“But if it’s just me and Steve? Don’t you trust us?”

“Again, that whole overwhelming sensation thing. I don’t know. I think the serum makes both me n’ Steve feel things a bit differently. Like our _nerves_ are stronger too.”

“Does that mean you feel pain more then?” TJ asked, canting his head.

Bucky nodded. “Oh I know for a _fact_ we feel more pain. HYDRA did a whole research project on it…” His lips twitched angrily.

TJ pressed his head against Bucky’s chest again, listening to his slowing heartbeat. “That must’ve been awful.”

Bucky shifted, swaying the boat gently. “It’s over,” he said in finality. He pulled the blanket over, covering both of them.

“Should we go soon?” TJ asked.

“Yeah…probably.”

They lay in silence. TJ focused on Bucky’s breathing, synching up his own subconsciously. They’d had their date. It was good, honest, real, and TJ for _once_ just learned to let go. He’d crashed through his walls himself. He’d let Bucky in. Bucky had let _him_ in; figuratively and quite literally. The chilly air nipped at his face but it didn’t really bother him. He was in the arms of a man who he felt entirely safe with. A man who he once thought was…honestly out to get him. It was foolish now, looking back. Bucky wouldn’t play that game. He was too honest. He’d have immediately said something if he didn’t want TJ around.

TJ licked at his lips, moving his head so he could brush his nose against Bucky’s chest.

Bucky looked down at him silently, the corners of his lips tugging up.

“I love you,” TJ lilted, shattering the soft silence that had blanketed them.

Bucky’s smile widened. “I love you too, TJ.”

“I’ll bet you Steve’s waiting up for us,” TJ joked, an impish grin playing at his features.

“Oh I’m sure of it.”

“He’s probably all like, “I can’t go to sleep without telling them I love them!” TJ mimicked.

Bucky howled out a laugh. “Oh my God…right on the nail!”

“Do you think he’d stay up all night if we didn’t go home?” TJ rested his chin against Bucky’s chest.

“Absolutely,” Bucky professed.

“….We should get a hotel room.”

“TJ,” Bucky scolded, but his lips were still upturned. “You’re cruel.”

TJ sat up, stretching his arms, listening to his shoulders crack. “Yeah, sometimes. We should head out then. M’getting sleepy.”

Bucky sat up as well. He slowly stretched out his back, his fingers reaching for his toes and curling around them. TJ was impressed. He couldn’t do that, though he knew it wasn’t an incredible feat, but he still couldn’t do it.

“Is the driver here?” TJ asked as he grabbed his underwear and jeans. He slipped on his jeans but just bunched up his briefs, they were crusted with precome at this point.

“Been here for ‘bout an hour,” Bucky responded. “Technically we had a curfew…”

“Steve implement this?” TJ inquired.

“Oh yeah.”

“He’s so waiting up for us. I’ll bet you he’s in the living room with a single light on just staring at the door!” TJ giggled.

Bucky pulled TJ into him, kissing his lips softly. “So how ‘bout that hotel room hm?”

TJ felt his whole body tingle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it <3333 (And I promise to give kinkier sex in chapters to come. This was very vanilla. I know. I'm sorry)  
> Follow me on tumblr yeah? Let's be frans! [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> GIFS?  
> Yes. Gifs.
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> ^Give me your lips plz. Thx
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> ^Noooo TJ! Don't do eeeet (but yay foreshadowing the next chapter's topic)
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> ^I imagine TJ dancing like this by himself after his date with Bucky. I imagine he's quite happy right now. Cause....this was an actual "TJ deserves happiness chapter...." Like what?!
> 
> Oh, wanna see the gifs I used as reference for the sex scene? SURE YOU DO!
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> ^Because I imagine TJ going HAM on Bucky's ass cause he knows how good it feels.
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> ^Just more of how I picture TJ opening Bucky up. Cause I'm all about dat shit apparently.
> 
>   
> ^Basically how TJ and Bucky end the night ;)


	8. Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky finally face the true consequences of avoiding TJ's drug addiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've become one of those "ya'll gotta wait a hard minute for me to update" writers. I am so sorry :( I DISLIKE IT! I WANNA JUST WRITE ALWAYS!!! 
> 
> Anyway, I am so ever-grateful for the amount of support this story has received. I am also grateful for the tag "supersoldier sandwich" that is now popping up on tumblr because of this story. Also SUPER grateful to my wonderful beta, [perfbucky](http://perfbucky.tumblr.com/). Without her I'd be a mess. 
> 
> #supersoldier sandwich  
> <3 
> 
> This chapter has a gifset!! (I'd love it if you'd reblog it)  
> [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/127655054433/teaser-gif-for-upcoming-chapter-of-we-should-just/)
> 
> This story has a photoset!  
> [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/128191331048/we-should-just-kiss-like-real-people-do-810)

When TJ woke, he was firmly wedged between two warm bodies; legs intertwined, arms wrapped so snug if he moved he’d surely wake them. He looked up, smiling silently at Bucky’s sleeping face, not even an inch from his. He was breathing through his nose, softly and even. TJ tried to look back at Steve, but if he moved his head he’d get smacked in the face by Steve’s bicep. He’d never felt so warm before. He could’ve been standing next to a fire and he’d still never feel as warm and safe as he did between his supersoldiers. His. _His_ supersoldiers. Two impossible men who had found TJ under impossible circumstances. It hadn’t been an easy journey, but here they were. All three of them holding onto each other so tight. So warm.

Steve rolled over.

TJ whipped his head around, looking at the man. He was hunched over at the side of the bed, leaning on his knees and chewing his bottom lip. His hair was tousled adorably but the face he was making gave TJ reason to stop admiring and start furrowing his brow. He slipped from Bucky’s arms, hearing the man whine before he turned over and pulled the blankets up to his chin. Bucky was _not_ a morning person.

“You okay?” TJ asked through a sleep-husked voice. He rubbed at one of his eyes.

Steve sighed, letting his shoulders rise and fall like waves of an ocean. “Had weird dreams.”

TJ crawled over to Steve, draping his arms around the man’s sculpted shoulders. He kissed Steve on the cheek, holding the kiss against the man’s cheek for a long pause. “Wanna talk about it?”

Steve scrunched up his face, shaking his head. “I’m good.”

Sensing that wasn’t entirely true, TJ curled his legs around Steve’s sides, holding onto him as if he was a baby koala. “I love you.”

Steve laughed, turning to press a kiss against TJ’s forehead. “I love you too, TJ.”

“The fuck are you two doing?” whined Bucky. “I’m not done sleepin’!” He pulled the covers over his head, kicking his feet back and forth like a child before curling into a fetal position.

Steve laughed, watching Bucky’s form through the soft downy quilt. “It’s almost ten!”

“That means I’ve got four hours of more sleep!” Bucky cried out from under the covers.

TJ peeled himself away from Steve, crawling over the bed toward Bucky. He folded himself against the man through the blankets and started kissing where he thought his head was, over and over, anywhere he could. Loud, silly kisses with obnoxious “mwah” sounds.

Bucky whined, moving under the covers to reach his hands out and grab at TJ. “C’mere you dope!”

Squealing in delight, TJ was pulled against Bucky’s bare chest, still warm from the three of their bodies. “Bucky! I gotta pee!”

“Too bad, squirt!” Bucky responded teasingly. He tucked his head over TJ’s and closed his eyes again.

“Bucky!” TJ whined as he tried to pry himself from Bucky’s metal arm (a lost cause). “Bucky please!”

“Nope!”

Steve was laughing openly now, a sound TJ hadn’t heard since the day Steve had formally come out to the world. TJ watched Steve, his shoulders shaking, his face slightly red. TJ’s face morphed into a look of awe, his eyes misty. He’d missed that laugh. Maybe this is all it really took for Steve to be happy. Maybe all Steve wanted was Bucky and TJ to love each other as much as Steve loved them? And TJ did. TJ loved Bucky. He wasn’t entirely sure if he had a “favorite” supersolider at this point, but there would always be something special in the relationship he had with Steve. Something different from the relationship with Bucky. It was indescribable, and hardly noticeable, but it was there, like a small light in the back of TJ’s heart and TJ would cherish it forever.

“Nnnnn,” Bucky whined, pitchy and child-like. He released TJ, but not before pressing a kiss to TJ’s hair.

TJ scampered out of Bucky’s arms and toward the bathroom. He hadn’t been kidding. He really had to pee! Leaving the door open, TJ went about his business in the bathroom, listening to Steve and Bucky’s conversation.

“Want breakfast?” Steve asked, throwing a pillow over Bucky’s face.

Bucky grabbed the pillow, pulling it close to his chest before dropping his chin against it. “Yeah. Starvin’.”

“Do you want breakfast, baby?” Steve called over to TJ. “I was thinkin’ waffles?”

TJ flushed the toilet, bouncing over to the sink to wash his hands. “I like waffles.”

“With whip cream? And chopped up bananas?” Bucky piped up, licking at his lips.

Steve laughed, leaning over to catch Bucky’s lips with his. “Of course. Been makin’ you that since 1935.”

Bucky finally tossed the covers off his body. He brushed past TJ into the bathroom as TJ was leaving.

“You gonna be okay?” TJ asked softly, pressing several kisses against Steve’s bare shoulder. He brushed his lips over the skin, shivering at how silky Steve’s smooth body was. Selfishly, he danced his fingers across Steve’s abs, relishing the dips and plateaus of his lover’s body.

Steve leaned into TJ. “I’m always okay.”

TJ’s face soured. He knew Steve felt like he needed to carry the world on his shoulders, felt as if he was never allowed a moment of weakness or expression of self-doubt. TJ was a mess. He let everyone know it. Hell, the world knew it. Steve was allowed moments of weakness. He was allowed to show he was human. TJ just wished he would, but he knew better. Steve never put himself first. He never would.

The three of them left the bedroom, Bucky smacking TJ’s ass playfully as they ran down the stairs together, Steve bringing up the rear. In the kitchen, TJ ran around the island, glaring at Bucky through amused eyes. Bucky was smirking, shrugging innocently.

“And you said you had four hours of sleeping to do,” Steve stated sarcastically as he made his way for the cupboards to start making waffles.  

“TJ’s got a cute ass. I just wanna touch it.”

TJ shoved himself against the counters, pressing his ass safely against them and sticking out his tongue.

Steve rolled his eyes, but he brought out all the ingredients to make batter and a mixing bowl. “Get outta the kitchen before you two break something.”

Bucky crossed the room, sounding like he was going to obey Steve before he lunged at TJ, earning a startled yelp and threw the man over his metal shoulder. “Gotcha!”

“Oh my God! I hate you! Put me down!” TJ yelled out through laughter. He squirmed against his lover’s hold, pressing giggling kisses against Bucky’s back. 

Bucky smacked his ass again, hard, before tossing him onto the couch.

“When’s your family gonna be back?” he asked as he joined TJ on the sofa, leaning over to grab the remote to turn the TV on.

TJ shrugged. “Dunno. Just glad they didn’t make me go with them.”

“You hate campaigning?” Bucky asked, flipping through channels.

“Despise it.”

Bucky nodded, his gaze now fixed on the TJ. Fox News was running a segment on Steve and Bucky’s relationship during WWII. His mouth dropped open as he turned the volume up. “Christ…”

TJ’s eyes rounded, watching the TV as images of Steve and Bucky, clad in their military uniforms flashed on the screen. They were close, arms around each other and all smiles. It used to bother TJ, seeing the life Bucky and Steve had before TJ was even born, but now it was just part of their lives; the long chain of history made present through those impossible circumstances that led these two impossible men to TJ. What once made TJ jealous now warmed his heart. Every step was a step that lead them to him.

 _“And let’s not forget that Captain Rogers defied orders on several occasions. Hailed as a hero? He should be stripped of that honor and disgraced! He was having an illegal relationship with Sergeant Barnes and wasn’t even promoted through the ranks as enlistees. There’s no reason for him to remain Captain! So he and his friends saved New York. You know what they also did? They injured hundreds of people, racked up billions of dollars for repairs and left without so much as even a helping hand for the aftermath. Rogers attacked a man after his interview with Oprah. This man isn’t a hero! Gay or not it doesn’t matter! He needs to be controlled!”_ a male newscaster preached.

 _“What’s the government even doing? President Ellis hasn’t even spoken on the matter? Steve Rogers is out of control! It’s only a matter of time before he hurts someone! He’s given us no reason to believe he’ll follow anyone’s command other than his own. He’s shown disrespect for the US ARMY, S.H.I.E.L.D, the Constitution and the American people. This isn’t even a matter of homosexuality or not. He’s clearly not the hero we all thought he was.”_ the female newscaster continued, hammering the vile opinion home.

“Loki could have killed all of us!” TJ shouted back at the TV. “You fucking kidding me?!”

“It’s Fox News,” Steve’s voice called from the archway to the living room. “They’re just sensationalist media.”

TJ saw how tight Steve’s jaw was clenched. He saw how rigid Steve was standing. Steve didn’t believe his own words. What they were saying hurt him.

“I’m so done with this shit,” TJ hissed. “I’m callin’ someone.” He stood up, grabbing the house phone.

“TJ,” Steve sighed.

TJ ignored him and kept dialing.

“TJ, stop!” Steve barked.

TJ’s body froze, looking up in astonishment at Steve’s flustered face.

“Just let it go. They’re gonna always come after me. I made this choice. I live with it.”

TJ whined, looking over to Bucky.

Bucky sucked his lips in, but he looked down at the coffee table. Clearly there’d be no support from him. It angered TJ. Bucky was Steve’s biggest advocate. He was the one preaching how they had to help Steve and go through this “life-long process” of working with Steve and his depression. Yet here it was, staring them down like an ugly monster and Bucky was remaining silent?

“All I’m trying to do, is help you!” TJ shot back, equaling the volume Steve had snapped at him. “You haven’t left the house since Oprah! You never wanna go out anymore! I’m trying to help you work through this shit, Steve! The world will always try to tear you down. You can’t let them!”

Steve crossed his arms, his face turning several shades of red. “Oh, because you handle its criticisms so well?!” he spat.

“Steve!” Bucky hissed. “Don’t.”

Steve’s brows shot up his forehead. He gestured to TJ with an arm. “You serious? You’re gonna ignore that our boyfriend’s a drug addict because he can’t handle what people think of him?”

TJ’s mouth dropped. He stepped back, his lips twitching in anger. He had no words other than strings of insults, but even through the anger that was boiling in his system, he didn’t want to speak them. Steve was backed into a corner, angry and scared. Captain America had been on the world’s radar since WWII, but not Steve Rogers. Steve was the man behind the mask, and now that the world was focused on him and no longer the man in the patriotic costume, Steve was cracked open and raw. TJ understood that, but that didn’t mean hearing those hot, angry words spew from Steve’s mouth didn’t hurt any less.

TJ knew what he was. Perhaps there was no reason for being slightly angry at all, but he was. Hearing it from the mouth of a man he loved so much, who he thought would be the last person to judge him? It hit TJ’s skin like a cheese grater, rubbing till it hit bone. He squirmed, still speechless, watching as Bucky finally stood up and stormed up into Steve’s face.

“You need to calm down, Steve,” Bucky hissed, his voice remaining soft. “You’re sayin’ shit you don’t mean.”

Steve scoffed, stepping back. “Really? You’re gonna jump on me and say I’m the bad guy? You’re the one who said I’ve been too soft on him!”

“I said we needed a different way to work with him!” Bucky shot back.

“Don’t play that just because he’s standing right there!” Steve responded bitterly, rolling his eyes. “You said I was too gentle! That I couldn’t help him like that!”

“I _said_ ,” Bucky began, his voice deep and menacing. “That we needed a firmer way to deal with it, yeah, but I didn’t say we attack him for it!”

“Stop,” TJ whispered, clinging to the wall behind him. “Stop please.”

They didn’t hear him. Steve pushed Bucky first. Bucky instantly catching himself and pushing Steve back.

“Really, Rogers? It’s gonna be like this?” Bucky questioned, aghast and sour. He pushed Steve back, slamming Steve into the wall behind him, cracking into the dry wall.

“Stop…” TJ whined, tears blurring his vision. “Don’t do this.”

“You know what?” Steve snarled. “I think I’m allowed to have a moment of brutal honesty every once in a while. I’m being strung up to the world and they don’t even fucking know you’re alive!”

“You think they’re not gonna tear into me the second they find out?!” Bucky barked, his face inches from Steve’s. “Sure, your life is different, Steve! Sure, you’ve got some shit to deal with and yeah I get it! But don’t you fucking take it out on TJ! He’s done nothing wrong!”

Steve’s face fell. He looked over at TJ, his eyes rounding as he finally took in TJ’s crying form. “TJ…”

Bucky turned around, gasping. He moved from Steve, walking toward TJ.

“Don’t!” TJ snapped. “Don’t touch me.” Running from the room, TJ choked back the sobs that threatened to wreck through his spine and sink deep into his shoulders. He ran into their bedroom, running toward his dresser and pulling out the very thing that Steve was judging him for. He stared at it, grinding his teeth as hot tears streamed from his eyes. “Fuck,” he whined.

Someone knocked at the door.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” TJ shouted, his arms trembling as he curled up on the floor, staring at the cocaine in its baggie. He had no plans to use it. He wanted to make a point, but part of him was scared to do this. Once it was gone…it was gone.

“TJ, please let us talk to you!” Steve called through the door. “We’re sorry okay? I’m sorry! I was a dick and I didn’t mean what I said!”

TJ scoffed, still staring at the baggie. “It doesn’t matter, Steve,” TJ answered, softer this time. “It’s not like it wasn’t true.”

The door opened. TJ whined, watching both Bucky and Steve come into the room.

“You seriously keep that shit in the dresser?” Bucky asked. His tone wasn’t rough, but TJ didn’t’ have to hear someone judging him to know it was happening.

“I wasn’t gonna use it,” TJ replied. “Wanna throw it away.”

Steve kneeled down, offering an apologetic expression. “I didn’t meant to yell at you.”

TJ shrugged. “Couples fight.” He furrowed his brow. “I mean, people fight. Or whatever.”

“Triads,” Bucky responded. “We’re called a triad. Been kind of researching poly terminology online. And yeah, triads fight. But we move past it.”

“I don’t want you two to fight over me,” TJ whispered. “I don’t wanna be a burden.”

“TJ,” Steve whined. “You’re not a burden. You’ve never been a burden.”

“I just wanna help you,” TJ continued. “I just wanna do everything I can to make them stop saying things about you.”

Bucky sat on the bed, his calves close to TJ’s face.

“They’re always gonna say something, baby,” Steve replied, swallowing hard. “It’s just something I have to get used to.”

“But it’s stupid. You’re not a bad person.”

Steve smiled, nodding. “I’d like to think I’m pretty decent, yeah.”

“You’re amazing. You’re more than decent,” TJ stated innocently. He twirled the bag of coke around in his hands. “Take this please.”

He held it toward Steve, his gaze lingering on his addiction for a few seconds too long.

Steve held his hand up, carefully wrapping his fingers around TJ’s. “We’re gonna help you, TJ.”

TJ swallowed thickly. His throat was dry as sandpaper and sticky as glue. Wincing, TJ nodded tightly. “I trust you.”

Bucky slid down to the floor, wrapping an arm around TJ as Steve took the bag of drugs. “That was really brave of you.”

“Don’t patronize me,” TJ replied weakly.

“I’m not,” Bucky affirmed. “Goin’ cold turkey’s gonna hurt. You’re gonna feel sick and you’re probably gonna hate your life. But you know that. So that’s fucking brave.”

TJ flicked up his brow once. “Sure. Gonna chain smoke about three packs a day.”

Bucky nodded through a smile. “I’ll keep you company.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “How did I end up dating two smokers?”

“Just lucky I guess,” TJ replied, cracking a shy smile. “I really didn’t mean to make you two fight.”

Bucky groaned, dropping his head back against the bed. “You didn’t. Steve n’ I used to get into a lot of fights. Money, meds, enlisting, work, school… You name it and we’ve thrown punches over it.”

“You’ve really hit each other?”

Steve laughed. “Bucky broke my face and sent me to the hospital, remember?”

TJ’s eyes rounded at the memory of the helicarriers. “No! I mean like…that’s different!”

“It’s now a terrible joke and we’re horrible people for making it,” Bucky replied with a smirk. “We’ve never really come to blows. More like frustrated chest punches that eventually led to crying into each other’s chests. We’re complicated.”

“I think it’s funny,” TJ began, leaning his head against Bucky. “When I was in school, the 30’s and 40’s were always portrayed as men being all hard and kind of expressionless? You know? Just charmers and stock, hardy men. I cry more than the two of you, but I’m glad you don’t hide that you do.”

Bucky clicked his tongue. “Oh I’ve bawled my face off.”

“Never seen you,” TJ answered.

“I’ve been too happy to cry that hard,” Bucky responded smoothly, pressing a kiss to TJ’s temple. “We found you, remember?”

TJ closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, catching the smell of shampoo off Bucky’s hair. He pulled Steve closer, making Steve put his arm around TJ’s other side. “I love you both. But I don’t ever wanna see you fight again.”

Steve looked to Bucky, clearly holding one of those silent conversations that only the two of them can share. “We’ll try.”

“Steve…” TJ said weakly, his eyes round and pleading. “Your waffles…”

Steve gasped, his mouth dropping open as he shot from the room. “FUCK!”

Bucky and TJ laughed as they heard him clamor down the stairs.

“I thought you were gonna say something overly adorable, but that was also acceptable.”

TJ shot Bucky a cheesy grin, feeling accomplished. “I’d rather not set fire to my mother’s home while she’s campaigning.”

“Who were you gonna call earlier?” Bucky asked, he stood up, dusting himself off before looking in the mirror to grab a hairband and tie his hair up.

TJ watched Bucky run his fingers through his hair, pulling at the stands and throwing up a messy bun. Some of the strands were still dangling near his jaw. “My reporter friend. Well. She’s my mom’s friend, but she’s kind of become the family savior. I think we single-handedly saved her newspaper from all the exclusives we’ve given her.”

Bucky snorted, offering a hand down to TJ. “Call her. I think Steve needs an intervention just as much as you do.”

TJ’s eyes narrowed.

Bucky sighed. “Step one TJ, admit you’ve got a fucking problem. Steve was half right when we were in each other’s faces. You do need less babying and more honesty. You’re not a child.”

TJ grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand, letting his lover pull him up. “Fine. That’s understandable.”

“Good. Now let’s go eat burnt waffles and tease Steve for how cute he is when cooking.”

“Do you think we could get him into just an apron?”

Bucky flashed a sly grin as he exited the room. “Oh…we’ll get him into an apron all right…”

* * *

 

TJ had called Susan Berg. She had plenty of suggestions to counter the claims Fox and other conservative media outlets were putting out. The biggest issue now was getting Steve to consent to an interview with Susan. He was nervous enough around cameras. Watching a woman jotting down notes as he spoke, TJ was sure Steve would be shaking down into his boots.

He lay on the couch, listening to Bucky and Steve in the kitchen as they talked among themselves. TJ needed to get out of the house. He understood that Bucky was relatively confined till he was introduced back into the world but Steve… Steve just didn’t want to go out. TJ did. He really, really did.

Scratching at his arm, TJ groaned, staring up at the ceiling.

“What’s the matter, baby?” Steve called from the kitchen. He walked behind the sofa, looking down at TJ with that creased brow TJ loved so much. His lips were red and swollen. Clearly he’d been kissing Bucky, not that TJ minded. There was nothing to worry about anymore. He knew his place– right smack between two supersoldiers’ toned chests.

“I’m bored,” TJ sulked. “Can we please go get ice cream, Steve? Just a walk through the park? Something?”

Steve’s face paled as he bit at his lip. “TJ…”

“Please, Steve!?” TJ begged. “Please, please, please!”

Steve tossed his head, side to side. “Fine. The park. No where else!”

TJ jumped up, spinning around in elation. “Yes! I’ll grab my coat!”

Bucky watched TJ slip into his black leather jacket, a soft smile on his face. “Wish I could come.”

TJ’s face fell for a moment. He chewed his bottom lip. “One day, we’re all gonna walk through the park holding hands. Maybe even get a dog? A house?”

Bucky laughed, rolling his eyes. “We don’t have jobs, where we gettin’ a house from?”

TJ shrugged. “You’re gonna work with the military yeah?”

Bucky nodded. “Eventually. We’re still working on a contract.”

“Then we’ll have money and you can buy me a house,” TJ purred as he wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist. Bucky breathed out a sigh, running his shiny tongue along his bottom lip. “Then you can come home to every night and pound me into the mattress.”

Bucky growled, snatching TJ’s lips with his. He slipped his tongue into TJ’s mouth hungrily. “Mmm,” he moaned into the kiss. “I like this plan.”

“You ready?” Steve asked as he leaned against the counter.

Lips smacking, TJ pulled back from Bucky, waving over his shoulder. “We’ll be back soon, Bucky.”

“Don’t go too far!” Bucky laughed as he headed upstairs.

Together, Steve and TJ made their way down the street. TJ was holding onto Steve’s arm with both hands, smiling to himself at the cloudy day. Winter was almost here. Most of the trees had lost their vibrant oranges and reds, left barren and brown. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. TJ had so much to look forward to with Steve and Bucky. Ugly sweaters, surprise Christmas gifts, a warm kitchen full of turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. He wondered if Steve would cook or if Bucky would. TJ knew he wasn’t going to. He could barely microwave ramen. Would the three of them share a kiss at midnight on New Years?

“Wanna talk to me about something, TJ?” Steve asked, pulling TJ from his thoughts.

“What?” TJ blinked.

“That’s why you brought me out right?” Steve was constantly searching the road in front of them, occasionally looking behind them. TJ hated how nervous he was outside.

“I just wanted to take a walk with one of my boyfriends,” TJ sulked.

Steve pursed his lips, wrapping an arm around TJ’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just…” He sucked his lips in, mashing them against each other. TJ loved how full and plush they looked when he let them slip back out. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

“About?” TJ inquired with a tilted head.

“About what’s really gonna happen. Technically, the ARMY can discredit me. They can pull my rank away. It’s mostly just for show at this point since I’m not active, but…it’d still be a big deal to the country.”

“They’re not going to. You’re Captain America.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I don’t…” He sighed, pausing his steps. “I don’t always wanna be Captain America. Maybe I just wanna be Steve Rogers? Boyfriend to Bucky Barnes and TJ Hammond? Maybe I just wanna make sure there’s food on your table and that you go to bed knowing you’re loved and protected.”

“Steve…” TJ breathed out. “Please don’t give up part of who you are.”

“I wasn’t always this way, TJ, you know that. Sure, I wanted to go to war, but that war is over now…” Steve started walking again. “Every time my phone rings I’m terrified I’m gonna get a call from Sam or Tony about how the world needs my help and you know damn well I won’t refuse it. What if I don’t come back to you?”

TJ’s heart squeezed. “Steve…let’s not–”

“We have to be reasonable here, TJ!” Steve cried, grabbing TJ’s hands roughly. “The world is always gonna need to be saved and I’m not always gonna be enough.”

“You’ve got Bucky.”

“And leave you alone? Like hell!” Steve shot back with a creased brow.

TJ couldn’t hide the dopey smile that spread on his lips. He loved the idea that Steve would leave Bucky behind so TJ wasn’t alone. “Maybe the world won’t need saving? Have you gotten that call yet?”

“Sort of? Thor handled London easily enough and Stark had the Mandarin to deal with but… No. None of them reached out.”

“Maybe they already know? Maybe they know you’re trying to get out?”

They arrived at the park, going under the archway. Several people pointed at them from a park bench but no one came toward them.

“Maybe,” Steve repeated. “I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking about…if I…”

“Steve…” TJ pleaded.

“If I died, TJ…what would that mean for you?”

TJ’s heart felt like it was being filled with sand, weighing heavy and lumpy in his chest. He sniffed, looking over at a few children playing. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, Steve.”

Steve nodded, slipping his hand into TJ’s. “I know. We don’t have to. But we _will_ one day. After I get all my assets in order.”

“Assets?” TJ echoed.

Steve shrugged. “I don’t have much, but I do have a few things. Money put aside from S.H.I.E.L.D, my shield, my uniforms… Records. It’s all in storage but… Nevermind.”

TJ looked at Steve for a hard minute, his lips quivering at the very thought of Steve dying. This wasn’t a conversation TJ wanted. Not with him, not with both him and Bucky. Never. Maybe when they were old, senile and gray but not now, not when they were all so young. God, TJ wished he hadn’t given his coke to Steve. This…this idea that Steve could be ripped from him long before Steve’s time should be up… This was too much. TJ’s skin was crawling and all he wanted was that delicious white powder to make the idea leave his mind. He needed peace. He couldn’t worry day and night for a phone call that the Avengers needed Steve. He couldn’t live in that kind of fear.

“Captain America!” a little boy shouted, jumping up and down. He ran toward Steve, giggling profusely.

Steve smiled, kneeling down as the child ran into his arms. “Oh!”

“You saved my daddy!” the child cried out.

“I did?” Steve lilted, smiling at the boy as he played with the button on Steve’s jacket.

“Yeah!”

“Jamie!” a woman snapped. “Jamie get back here!”

Steve looked up, seeing an angry mother coming at them. “Oh he’s no trouble,” Steve said, but the woman pulled the boy by the back of his jacket.

“Come on, Jamie. He’s dangerous.” She didn’t even look at Steve. Whipping away, the woman scooped up her son and marched for the nearest exit of the park. The boy crying out about Captain America and why was he dangerous.

That’s when TJ saw the rest of Steve’s soul fade to gray, barely alive and almost completely withered. He remained on the ground, kneeling and watching the woman go. His lips were parted but no sound left them.

TJ’s fingers were trembling. What did you say to a man who was slowly losing himself to the world? Especially when you’d lost yourself to it so long ago? _‘We could always get high?’_ The very idea of suggesting drugs to Steve made TJ’s stomach flip. Steve was too proud to fall so low. TJ had once thought about it, but once rationality had hit him like a ton of bricks, it was painfully evident how against drugs Steve was. He barely tolerated smoking as it was.

Fuck, TJ could go for a cig right now.

He fell to his knees before Steve, pressing his forehead to the man’s. “I’m sorry,” he said. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m sorry.” A kiss to his temple. “I’m sorry.” To his lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“….Can we go home now, TJ?” Steve asked numbly. “Please?”

“Sure, baby.” TJ offered a hand down to Steve, wincing when Steve ignored it.

They didn’t speak once the way home.

* * *

 

Steve hadn’t eaten since waffles the day before. He’d slept past noon and now that his body didn’t want to sleep any longer, he was staring at the ceiling fan over his bed. TJ and Bucky had gone downstairs hours ago. They’d asked him if he wanted to join, asked how he was, what he wanted… He hadn’t responded.

Perhaps he was being melodramatic. But a man once said to him to “stay a good man.” How could he when he was slowly becoming a monster? Attacking civilians? Scaring mothers? His life was being thrown under a microscope and analyzed for every scandal that had ever occurred (which aside from seeing both Peggy and Bucky and now TJ…wasn’t entirely too much thankfully.) Still… Steve could feel himself slipping further from a good man into an angry one. He wanted to fight back. He wanted to spit in the face of adversity and tell it how wrong it was. He wanted to shove his tongue down TJ’s throat in front of a hoard of paparazzi and fuck him over a public table outside. He wanted to give the world what it was reaching for. It had already made up its mind. Steve was an “uncontrollable, ‘roid-fueled, homosexual man who couldn’t be trusted (The Washington Post).

It would only get worse. Bucky was scheduled to be “unveiled” next week and then a new slew of issues would dump themselves on Steve. Polyamory. He’d be brandished a “slut” a “whore” a “disgrace” and probably countless other slurs that were so far from the truth but they’d be _held_ as truth and that’s all that Steve was now focused on.

All his life, he had to deal with predispositions of people’s opinions. When he was small, people thought him ugly and weak. When he was large, they thought him perfect and brave. They threw him into the realm of gods and now they were dragging him back down into the mud and it was surprising how much Steve couldn’t handle it. He’d never cared what people thought, but now? When they were roasting him on proverbial fires and telling him his _God_ would abandon him? Steve was angry. He was scared.

“Steve?” Bucky piped up from the door. He poked his head in, looking Steve over. “I made burgers?”

Steve didn’t respond. He just blinked and stared at his feet.

Bucky came into the room, lying down on the bed. He pulled Steve into his lap, stroking his flesh fingers through Steve’s hair. “I know you’re hurtin’, doll,” Bucky said gently. “I know. And it’s okay. Just don’t do it alone.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered at the soothing sensation of Bucky’s fingers. He said no words, but knowing Bucky, this was all that had to be said.

They sat there, completely in silence. Steve’s head tucked into Bucky’s lap and Bucky’s fingers running through Steve’s hair. Steve didn’t know if he’d fallen asleep or not. He didn’t know if it had been five minutes or an hour. All he knew, is when he woke up, Bucky was sitting next to him atop the bed, laptop on his lap and a mug of coffee balanced against his lips.

Steve turned to look at the clock, groaning when he saw. 3:23 AM. “Where’s TJ?” he rasped.

“Hasn’t gotten home yet,” Bucky replied. “He needed some time away. Kid’s like a bee.”

“He’s an adult,” Steve responded automatically, shaking sleep from his head. “Gonna text him.”

“I thought he’s an adult?” Bucky snarked, showing off a shit-eating grin.

“Get over yourself,” Steve laughed. He punched the keys on his phone. Simple enough: **Where r u???**

Putting the phone back on the bedside table, Steve shimmied over to Bucky, pressing his head against his lover’s metal shoulder. “Thanks for earlier,” he whispered.

“Everyone needs to break down sometimes,” Bucky replied distantly. He was looking over one of the contracts with the military. “Think 250k a year is a little unnecessary?”

“Inflation, Buck. 250k is perfect.” He kissed Bucky’s cheek before curling back on his side. 250k was actually an absurd amount of yearly salary, even Steve knew that. He now had suspicions on what the military was going to ask of Bucky for that kind of cheddar. He wanted his boys safe. His only hope was that if he died, Bucky could continue looking after TJ, but if they both died…

“Has TJ responded yet?” Bucky asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Steve reached for his phone, hitting the small button on the side for it to glow softly. “No. Maybe he’s crashed somewhere?”

The look Bucky gave him wasn’t exactly reassuring.

“Oh shit,” Steve said, standing up. His muscles protested from the sudden movement after having been in a bed all day but Bucky’s face said everything. TJ was a drug addict and he wasn’t answering his phone... “When’s the last time he talked to you?”

“Before he left. About…2PM?”

“He’s been gone for that long?!” Steve exclaimed. He squeezed his phone, careful not to break it. “Shit.” Punching more buttons, Steve called Doug. “God I hope he’s awake.”

“He’s in Cali right? It’s midnight there,” Bucky said as he walked on his knees over to the side of the bed Steve was on. He balanced there, following Steve’s pacing with his gaze. “Baby…”

“Shut up!” Steve snapped. No one answered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Steve!” Bucky wailed exasperated. “Doug’s not around here anyway!”

“Christ,” Steve grumbled, punching in another number.

_“I’m sorry, Tony Stark can’t answer right now. He’s too busy realizing it’s the ass-crack-of-dawn-o’clock!”_

“Tony! Do you have any tech that can track someone’s phone?” Steve completely deflected the joke. “This is serious.”

 _“Who’d you lose, Capsicle?”_ Tony asked simply.

“TJ.”

_“How long’s he been gone?”_

“Since 2 today,” Steve detailed. “I know it’s not that long but this is TJ, Tony! He’s…well he’s not over his addiction yet.”

 _“Coke’s one hell of a drug,”_ Tony replied. _“Call Maria. She’s got tech like that on her person. I’m in the Hamptons.”_

“Thanks, Tony,” Steve answered. He hung up and began scrolling through his contacts for Maria’s name.

“Stevie,” Bucky whispered. “We’ve gotta trust him.”

“Has he ever not called us before? Has he ever not come home?” Steve barked. “Christ, Bucky! He could be dead for all we know!”

Bucky’s face paled. He sat back on his heels, biting at his lower lip. “Steve....we gotta find him.”

“Call The Dome, see if he’s there. After that, call his mom. I don’t care about the time where she is. Call his dad too. Oh, and his fucking drug dealer. I got his number downstairs in the office.”

Bucky nodded, standing up and swiping his phone. He jogged out the door, leaving Steve to his pacing.

It wasn’t as if they didn’t expect TJ to go out and not come home sometimes, the issue was the lack of communication. TJ always kept Steve informed. Ever since they started dating there was mutual information sent both ways where they were and what they were doing. Even when Steve was traveling to find Bucky, he was sending back pictures and texts left and right. It was embedded into them. This wasn’t normal and it chilled Steve’s blood to ice.

 _“Steve? What’s wrong?”_ Maria spoke into the phone. Clearly she knew that Steve didn’t make it a habit of calling people at quarter-till 4 in the morning.

“TJ’s missing. I need you to track his phone.”

 _“Do you think he was kidnapped?!”_ she yelled into the phone.

“What? N-no! Just…something else. Please help!” Steve pleaded. He walked out of the bedroom, gliding down the hallway as he listened to her tapping away on her phone.

“What’s his number?”

“202-555-8367,” Steve said automatically. It was like his social security number, constantly embedded into his memory. He trudged down the stairs, seeing Bucky in the kitchen with his phone pressed to his ear. He was taking notes. Steve wanted to know who was on the other side of that line…

_“Well good news, he’s still in D.C. Looks to be a pretty shitty neighborhood though.”_

“Where?” Steve clenched his jaw, his fingers curling into fists. Shitty neighborhood or not, Steve was stronger, faster and could handle himself better than any of the people around. He’d use every bit of his power if it meant keeping TJ safe from harm; from himself and others.

_“Columbia Heights. I’ll text you the address.”_

“Thanks Maria,” Steve said. “I owe you one.”

She laughed. _“Oh more than one, Steve. Hope you find him.”_ The line clicked, leaving Steve free to march up to Bucky and listen to his conversation.

Bucky was tapping the pen against his lips, nodding along to whoever was talking. “Okay, but you sold him some?”

Steve pressed his palms onto the granite topped island. He sighed heavily. Of course all that talk of handing Steve his drugs to dispose of was just that– talk.

“Did he say where he was going?” Bucky asked, sounding completely done with who was on the phone with him. He flailed his hands. “Look man, I’m his fucking boyfriend! Just tell me!”

“Maria’s sending me where he is now,” Steve whispered.

“Whatever! Fuck off,” Bucky grumbled, hanging up. “Christ, dealers are suspicious as fuck!”

“Well, when they’re breaking the law…” Steve hedged. His phone vibrated. “We gotta go.”

“We’re not wearing pants, Steve,” Bucky reminded. “Or shirts.”

“Right, pants…” Steve responded flatly. Together they jogged up the stairs, grabbing the closest items of clothing and beat it the fuck out of the house.

* * *

Columbia Heights was clear on the other side of town from where the Barrish residence was. Taking a secret servicemen would just draw attention to them so Bucky and Steve took a cab. All the while, Steve was shaking his legs in agitation, his gaze fixed on the window.

Bucky tried to offer words of consolation but nothing stuck to Steve. He deflected each with his worries of finding TJ, dead from choking on vomit, or bleeding out from a stab wound. TJ wasn’t a supersoldier. He was smaller and naïve. Desperate for drugs too, probably. Steve winced, looking up at the building the cabby was dropping them at.

He got out of the car, going right up to the door and banging on it.

Bucky, having just finished with paying the till, ran up next to Steve, glaring. “Really? Just gonna bang on the door?”

“Do you have any bright ideas?” Steve spat.

“Knock politely? This is someone’s _home_ ,” Bucky answered simply. “This isn’t a mission, Steve.”

It very well could have been. A retrieval mission with one objective, protect the objective at all costs. Steve whined, bouncing on his heels as he waited for someone to answer the door. “No one’s coming. I can just break it open.”

“Steve…” Bucky warned. “No.”

“We could go through the windows?”

“Steve!”

“No one’s answering!”

Just then, the door opened up, exposing a woman with dreads and a nose ring. Her eyes were glassy with some kind of whimsical expression. “You’re…you’re beautiful,” she purred, stepping toward Bucky. “Love your hair.” She reached out, but Bucky flinched, stepping back.

“We’re here for TJ?” Steve answered, stepping in front of Bucky so he could safely hide away from her touch. “He here?”

“TJ?” she answered, looking down at the ground. “TJ, TJ, TJ… Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Oh fuck this,” Bucky cried out. “We’re coming in.” He brushed by both Steve and the girl, going into the narrow townhouse and peaking into rooms.

“Sorry,” Steve said as he too moved past the high woman. There was an orgy going on in one of the rooms, another was full of people shooting up heroin and the back room had people passed out (hopefully.) “You find him?” he shouted into the house, looking back at the orgy to make sure none of the  men were TJ.

“Not yet!” Bucky shouted from upstairs.

“Shit,” Steve whined. He ran up the steps, looking into the rooms and finally catching up to Bucky.

“I’ve got his phone!” Bucky called. He came out of a room and shoved the object into Steve’s hands. “Fuck, he forgot his phone.”

Steve looked at the people in the room, just sitting around a couch and doing lines of coke. “Hey,” he said. No one looked. “Excuse me!”

That’s when they all turned to him.

“Do any of you know TJ Hammond?”

“He’s that rich guy!” a man said. “Got Captain America to go gay!”

“Good shit!” a girl elated. “Cap’s hot!”

Steve rolled his eyes. He was standing right before them and they were too high to even notice it.

“When’s the last time you saw him?” Bucky growled. “I’ll start throwing punches if you don’t start sobering up…”

“Bucky…”

“Hey man!” an Asian man said, holding up his hands in surrender. “H-he was here for just a bit. Got some shit from Marquan, did a few lines with us and booked it.”

“He left his phone,” Bucky said calmly. “Did he say where he’d be going?”

A blonde girl raised her hand. “Y-you’re Captain America aren’t you?”

That’s when everyone really looked at Steve. He shifted, feeling like a lion stuck in a cage, all eyes on him. “Y-yeah…”

“Shit! That’s so cool man! Do a line with us!” the Asian man said, holding out a razor.

“Uh, no thank you,” Steve replied. “So TJ…any of you know where my boyfriend went?”

“I do,” a girl said from the hall. She had a high ponytail and a crop top shirt. She would’ve been cute if her face wasn’t so sunk in from years of drug abuse. “He popped a pill with me. Told me he was goin’ to some guy’s house.”

“Where?” Bucky asked, taking a step closer to her.

“Is he in trouble?” she asked. “He’s real nice.”

Steve whined, stepping closer to the girl. “No, no he’s not in any trouble. I just want him home.”

“Said he felt suffocated there,” the girl continued. “Dunno if I should tell you.”

“Look,” Bucky began. “You tell us, and no one gets hurt.”

“Bucky!” Steve snapped.

“Look! This bitch thinks you’re some kind of control-freak or oppressive boyfriend and that ain’t true!”

“Bitch?” the girl on the couch said. “That’s my girlfriend you cocksucker!”

Bucky rolled his eyes, laughing venomously. “Of course she is. And yeah I do suck cock. We just want our fucking boyfriend okay!”

“Our?” the Asian man said. “Thought he was dating Cap, he’s dating you too?”

“Oh my God,” Steve groaned, feeling his temples start to pulse. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, shifting his weight. “Just where did TJ go?”

“I don’t think a guy like _him_ gets to know. TJ’s nice,” the girl with the ponytail said, slinking into the room and going to sit on her girlfriend’s lap.

“Yeah, we know he’s nice. That’s why we like him!”

Steve wanted to be as aggressive as Bucky was threatening. He wanted to punch the Asian kid, shove the girl with the ponytail and roll his eyes very pointedly at the girlfriend, but that was all extremely unreasonable. They were just intoxicated. They weren’t bad people. Conversations moved differently with sober people vs intoxicated people. Steve just had to accept that and find ways to get the information in a different way.

“Is TJ safe?” Steve asked.

Bucky cocked a brow, dropping his mouth open in confusion.

“I just need to know if he’s safe,” Steve continued.

The girl with the ponytail, shifted on her girlfriend. “He’s with a friend.”

“Which friend?” Steve asked, eyes pleading with this girl to see some kind of reason. She was literally the only thing standing between TJ and Steve and Steve wasn’t sure how long he could hold back when it came to protecting TJ.

“Siobhan,” the girl finally said. “He went to Siobhan’s house. They’re having a hot tub party.”

“Thank you. Let’s go,” Steve said, jerking his head in the exit’s direction. Bucky followed him, silent but for his annoyed breathing.

“I hate high people,” Bucky grumbled as they walked out of the house. “I swear I was gonna start shooting…”

“I know you were,” Steve answered casually, shoving his hands in his pockets. “We need to figure out where Siobhan lives.” He paced the stoop of the house, scrolling down to any Siobhan’s in TJ’s phone. Finding only one, he dialed it.

 _“Hello?”_ a girl answered.

“Hey! TJ left his phone over at my place. He’s there right?”

_“Oh yeah! Who is this?”_

Shit… “Uh…” Steve stumbled. “Marquan?”

_“Oh! Yeah just come on over! You got your shit right?”_

“Always…got my shit…” Steve answered tightly.

Bucky was sniggering.

Steve sent him a glare. “Can you give me your address?”

_“Sure, 1422 Andrews Lane. Hey TJ! Marquan has your phone!”_

Steve’s heart squeezed as he listened to TJ’s faraway voice. He was giggling and saying things like, _“Oh shit! Fuck!”_

_“Yeah he’s got your phone. Said he’s coming over with some shit!”_

“Gotta go! See you soon!” Steve called, hanging up the phone before anything else could happen. At least he knew TJ was alive, but he didn’t want TJ thinking they were frantically chasing after him…even if they were… Steve had heard his voice. He was alive. He was fine… “We should just go home.”

“What?” Bucky asked, flabbergasted. “We know where he is!”

“And he’s fine, Bucky! We can’t show up and take him from his friends!”

“Are you kidding me Steve?” Bucky yelled, taking a step into Steve’s personal space. “Our boyfriend is using drugs and running around all of D.C!”

“Yeah and as you said earlier, he’s an adult!” Steve countered, glaring at Bucky as they stared eye-to-eye.

Bucky took a step back, shrugging with a heavy sigh. “Fine. Let’s go back to Elaine’s.”

Steve hesitated, looking down at TJ’s phone. TJ was intoxicated and had no way to call for help if he needed it. He wondered if TJ even realized he hadn’t gotten in contact with Bucky or Steve since he left. Did it even make him the least bit nervous to know he had to boyfriends at home worried sick about him? Did it even occur to him?

“Steve! Ya comin’?” Bucky called a house away. “It’s cold out!”

Steve hadn’t noticed the weather till now. He’d been so nervous about the well-being of his boyfriend that the crisp, cool air hadn’t even occurred to him. “Yeah, I’m comin’.”

They walked in silence together. Steve’s hands shoved deep in his pockets and Bucky sighing every now and then. Neither of them were okay with this, but what were they really supposed to do? TJ was an adult. They weren’t even legally bound to him. They were boyfriends. They couldn’t make any decisions for TJ. TJ had to make his own. But this needed to end. Steve hated to think about it, but he’d rather have TJ doing drugs in the supervision of the home than out in D.C with girls like Ponytail or Asian-guy. No one really seemed to care that Steve, his boyfriend, was worried about him. They were reluctant to say anything! Sure, Bucky hadn’t been the nicest guy around but Steve had been polite the entire time. Even when they found out he was Captain America they still were reluctant. What if something happened to TJ? Would they all just swipe it under a rug too?

What kind of friends did TJ even have? It was a harrowing moment when Steve realized he’d not once ever met any of TJ Hammond’s friends… But it was now evident he had them and they weren’t the kind of people Steve wanted around him…

* * *

 

Bucky waited up, sitting in the living room with his computer as he went over the contract with the military for the final time. Once he signed, he was obligated to serve and he had to make damn sure what he was signing up for was going to benefit him and his family. Yes, family.

TJ and Steve; they were his family and Bucky was going to do everything to make sure they knew it. Bucky even had been doing a few google searches on good Wills and Trusts attorneys, because, he had to face that idea too. Bucky was entering into Special Ops. He’d be away for weeks if not months on end with the military and he had to face the idea that he wasn’t coming home on one of them. He needed to ensure Steve and TJ were taken care of. TJ came from money, but Steve didn’t. After S.H.I.E.L.D collapsed, Steve was out of a job. He got by with couch hopping and TJ’s money but he was homeless, in theory.

Bucky wanted to make sure that if he died, Steve would be well taken care of. That Steve could continue to be an Avenger and assist the world without the worry of the next meal. And TJ, Bucky wanted to make sure TJ knew he had a place in Bucky’s life just as much as Steve. Bucky looked down at his notepad, all the calculations of life insurance policies, salaries, homes he wanted to buy for his lovers. He knew Steve had some stuff in storage since S.H.I.E.L.D went down, and Bucky was acutely aware one of those things was a motorcycle. He wanted to make sure that bike had a garage worthy of it and not some rust tin in a sketchy neighborhood.

He looked to the clock on his laptop, 5:34AM. Steve had tried to stay up with Bucky, but he wasn’t having any of that. Steve needed sleep. He was dealing with enough when it came to the media. Bucky didn’t want him worrying about this as well. As Steve said, TJ was fine. He’d been alive. Bucky didn’t like the kind of people TJ hung around with, but he accepted it. Hell, he was pretty sure at one point, Steve didn’t like the type of people Bucky used to hang out with before the war. They were all pretty sketchy too, but Bucky knew they’d been good people. Maybe TJ’s friends were good people too? The girl with the ponytail just seemed like she wanted to protect TJ from harm. Bucky had been irrationally angry and scared, but now in hindsight, he could understand that. Hell, he admired that.

The door finally opened. TJ stumbled in, swaying violently and spilling his jacket and shoes around the room.

“Morning,” Bucky stated, unamused.

TJ’s eyes widened to saucers. “Shit…”

“Yeah, shit’s right, baby,” Bucky responded. “Have a good night? Got your phone here.” He held it up, giving it a little jingle before setting it back on the couch. “You should’ve borrows a phone to call us.”

“I thought…” TJ began, his brows furrowing in confusion. “But Marquan?”

“Never had your phone, TJ. That was Steve who called.”

“Oh shit…”

“Yeah!” Bucky elated sarcastically. “While you were out having a blast with your friends, me and Steve were barging into people’s homes and threatening lives to figure out if you were fucking alive!”

“Bucky…” TJ began, shaking his head softly as he grabbed the back of the sofa. “M’sorry I just–”  

“Needed a fix? Felt like you were suffocating? Just wanted to stretch your legs?” Bucky stood up. “That’s all fine. I get it. Hell, I used to do that too when Steve was sick. I got all itchin’ to go out dancin’, so I’m not mad at you, baby. Not at all. What I am is disappointed. You’re tearing Steve’s heart and you’re too addicted to that shit to even see it!”

TJ stumbled back, looking down at his feet. “I’m not… I don’t…”

“You don’t have to explain it to me, baby,” Bucky said softer this time. “I get it. I was scared shitless for you. Thought you could’ve been dead, but I get it. You needed some space. Just make sure you talk to Steve when you’re sober.” Bucky brushed past TJ, heading for the stairs. He was exhausted and had every intention of sleeping for at least three days.

“Bucky, wait!” TJ called. “Wait please!”

Bucky leaned against the wall, his feet on the steps. “Yeah?”

“I need help,” TJ answered. “I can’t do this alone.”

Bucky walked back through the kitchen, grabbing TJ’s fingers and kissing each digit softly. “We’re gonna help you. You just need to listen to us.”

TJ swallowed thickly, nodding.

“Please don’t forget your phone again, okay?” Bucky requested, placing a kiss against whisky-laden lips.

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” TJ whispered. “I won’t.”

Smiling, Bucky turned back around to head upstairs. He heard TJ behind him. In retrospect, he should have gone up behind TJ to make sure he didn’t fall but they were almost up anyway.

Steve was stretching on the bed, a tired smile on his face when TJ walked into the room. “Was worried about you.”

TJ peeled off his clothes, dropping into the bed and curling into Steve’s arms. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Steve answered. “You’re home and that’s all that matters. I love you.”

Bucky shook his head as he slipped out of his clothes and back into track pants. Steve had been terrified the entire night. This had eaten at him and now with TJ here, he was too scared to even say it. He didn’t want to upset the kid, and that was all fine and dandy, but walking on eggshells near TJ was never going to help him get better. Bucky needed to step up to the plate, so to speak. Steve wasn’t going to. It just wasn’t his personality, hurting people for the sake of helping them. Bucky could. He would.

It would start that day.

TJ Hammond wouldn’t touch drugs again for the rest of his life, even if it killed Bucky.

* * *

 

Bucky woke to the sounds of water running in the bathroom. He turned on his side, reaching out for a body that wasn’t there. His eyes snapped open and he noticed he was in the bed alone. Shooting up, he looked around frantically. Steve was in the bathroom, the door open to expose his naked form. He was toweling off from a shower.

Bucky sat up, scooting to the end of the bed so Steve could see he was awake.

“Mornin’ sleepy,” Steve lilted, rubbing the towel over his head furiously.

Bucky, for lack of any excuse other than he was human and always horny, watched Steve’s dick sway with his body from his movements. A small smirk played at Bucky’s face. Steve had such a pretty dick, always a bit pink and the tip so round…

“You should take a picture,” Steve chimed. “Lasts longer.”

Having been caught, Bucky stood up, moving into the bathroom and draping his arms around his lover. “I love you.”

“Me or my dick?” Steve teased.

Bucky dropped his head back, groaning as Steve moved out into the bedroom. “We haven’t had sex in days, Steve! Sue me for getting antsy! And where’s TJ?”

Steve laughed, slipping into some briefs. “He’s making breakfast. He feels really bad about last night.”

Bucky’s face scrunched up as he thought back to seeing TJ, stumbling into the house with those glazed eyes that spoke of only self-hatred and remorse. “Steve…” Bucky breathed out. “We gotta help him.”

Steve draped the towel around his shoulders, nodding slowly. “We are, Buck.”

“He can’t die,” Bucky continued, stepping toward Steve, grabbing his fingers and lacing them in his.

“We’ll save him.”

“We fucking better, Steve,” Bucky growled, glaring at his lover. “Because what I saw some into the house last night isn’t something that survives very long…”

Steve sighed, sitting down on the bed. He leaned his elbows on his knees, scrubbing at his face. “Bucky, I’ve never… We’ve never dealt with this before. I had asthma and you were too broke for drugs.”

Bucky would’ve laughed, except it wasn’t funny when TJ was the one’s life on the line. “There’s this thing called the internet? You introduced me to it remember? Use it. I’m coming up with a plan for him. No rehab facility. No crazed interventions where people go through the house and shit. He responds best to you and me. So this is the fucking plan Steve and you’re just gonna have to do it.”

“Why are you attacking me?” Steve asked incredulously. “Have I not been agreeing with you this entire time?”

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face, pacing in front of the bed and Steve. “You hate going out. TJ loves it. Suck it up. If we distract him he may forget till the pain starts to kick in and then that’s when we just…take care of him. Wait on him hand and foot. Anything and everything. He needs a support system, Steve. Not a doctor.”

Steve gulped, looking over at the door. “Go out…”

“You went out last night, doll,” Bucky reminded. “You didn’t even think twice.”

“It was dark and really late… Plus I was scared for TJ.”

“So keep being scared, because we need to be. He. Could. _Die_ , Steve!” Bucky moved to straddle Steve’s body, wrapping his hands around his lover’s neck. Steve shivered from Bucky’s metal hand but his arms locked around Bucky’s waist.

Bucky leaned down, pressing the softest kiss he’d placed on Steve’s lips in decades.

Steve breathed out a content sigh, smiling dreamily. “You really are horny, huh?”

“I’m gonna burst through my skin if I don’t get laid soon,” Bucky grumbled, rocking his hips into Steve for good measure. “But TJ needs us. Both of us.”

Steve nodded, brushing his nose against Bucky’s. “Yeah. Yeah you’re right. I’ll suck it up.”

Feeling accomplished, Bucky bit at Steve’s nose lightly, pulling back and heading downstairs. He popped into the kitchen, swinging behind TJ and pulling the smaller man into his chest, kissing up his neck.

TJ released a fit of giggles, dropping the spatula he was using against the counter. “I’m gonna burn the eggs!”

“Mmm, let them burn,” Bucky growled, nipping at TJ’s ear. “How’re you, baby?”

TJ tensed in Bucky’s grasp, his gaze looking over to Steve as he entered the room. “I’m…I’m sorry.” He hung his head, biting at his bottom lip.

Bucky turned him around, pulling him into a tight embrace. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,” Bucky whispered. “We’re gonna help you. Really help you.”

TJ pulled back, looking over his shoulder at the eggs. “They really are gonna burn.”

“No,” Bucky stated. “Listen to me.”

TJ looked up at Bucky with those big, blue eyes. Eyes so similar to his own yet they told a story vastly different.

Bucky stroked his thumbs over TJ’s cheeks, offering the kindest smile he thought his face could muster. “I have a plan.”

TJ blinked.

Steve moved one of the barstools by the island to sit on. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the granite countertop.

“Steve’s gonna take you out whenever you want. Wherever you want. Just be respectful of that okay? He’s still working out his media issues.”

“Bucky…” Steve warned.

“You are, ain’t ya?” Bucky asked, whipping his head around. The strands of his hair smacked his face. He really needed a haircut.

“What about you?” TJ mumbled. “What if I want you to take me out?”

Bucky smiled warmly, stroking a thumb from cheekbone to the cleft of TJ’s chin. “I’ll take you out too, but we’ve gotta keep me kind of hidden. But that’ll only be till next week. After that and I’ll even take you dancing since we know Steve hates that shit.”

TJ’s eyes lit up, sparkling like nebulas in the universe. The smile Bucky drank in from TJ’s face was enough to really want to save that idea for a later date. Taking TJ out dancing… That’d be the greatest thing. Steve was all left feet but TJ… He could _move_.

“The eggs…” Steve stated, looking around Bucky and TJ toward the stove. “They’re burning.”

TJ twirled around gasping loudly. “Oh shit! Fuck! Fuck!” He frantically went about scooping the eggs out of the skillet.

Bucky laughed, watching TJ attempt to salvage some of the eggs from their doom. “Hey TJ?”

TJ looked over at Bucky with wide, disappointed eyes.

“How about we just have bacon and toast?”

TJ dropped the skillet into the sink, his shoulders slumping too. “Man,” he grumbled. “I can’t cook worth shit.”

“Move over,” Bucky said as he grabbed a clean skillet from over the stove. “I”ll make us breakfast.”

“But I wanted to apologize…”

“TJ,” Steve said, pulling the kid into his lap. “You don’t need to. We told you. This is where we start helping you get better.”

“Which,” Bucky began firmly, pulling his hair up into a messy bun atop his head. “We need to talk about that. About the rules that come with the freedom.”

TJ’s mouth dropped. “Rules? You serious?”

Bucky looked to Steve, a silent plea for some form of backup but Steve just softly shook his head, looking like a deer in the headlights. Bucky rubbed at his face, groaning at his lack of support here. “Yes, rules, TJ. You wanna get clean?”

“…Yeah?” TJ answered, curling into Steve’s body more. Steve started rubbing up and down his back, weaving his fingers from side to side along the spine.

“Then you need to know what’s about to happen to you.” Bucky cracked a few eggs (despite having said toast and bacon was fine.) After they started to fry on the stove, Bucky began speaking again. “You’re gonna feel fine for a few days and then you’re gonna hate your life. Our rules are simple. When you hate your life, you lie down and you don’t move. We do everything. We change the channel for you, we get you food, we scratch your nose if you have an itch–”

TJ started laughing.

“I’m not kidding, TJ!” Bucky raised his voice. “You’ve tried getting back on the wagon. You know this hurts.”

TJ’s face paled. He licked at his lips slowly, his eyes glazing over with memories only he knew. “Sucks.”

“We wanna help you, TJ,” Steve said, pressing kisses against TJ’s shoulder. “Show you how important you are to us.”

TJ blushed, smiling softly at Steve with a look Bucky had learned about long ago. It was a look only reserved for Steve, where TJ was completely oblivious to the world and the only human in existence was Steve Rogers. TJ’s face would glow, a light dusting of blush would rise to the tips of his cheeks and that _smile_ he’d show; all soft and insecure. It was his “I love you, Steve” look and Bucky knew he’d never get TJ looking at him that way. No amount of love in TJ’s heart could let Bucky see that looking at his face, and he was perfectly okay with that. From all that Bucky had learned, it was that they all would have unique relationships with each other and have an entirely new and unique relationship with all of them. And that was okay.

“So…if I wanted a blow job?”

“I’d get on my knees and start sucking,” Steve answered with an amused grin. He nipped at TJ’s jaw before dotting it with tiny, loud kisses.

“Okay…I can get behind this,” TJ answered, wrapping his arms around Steve’s shoulders and swinging his legs around the man. He pressed his lips to Steve’s.

Bucky watched as their tongues peaked out from pink, lips that made the cutest smacking sounds as their lips left each other for a fraction of a second. Bucky sighed, returning his attention to the food. He pulled the skillets off the stove and went to grab a few plates. “So, we fucking or are we eating? Because I could really go for some fucking.”

Steve burst out into laughter, abruptly breaking the kiss with TJ. “He’s been quite literally chomping at the bit.”  

TJ smirked, offering out his hand to Bucky. “C’mere then.”

“In the kitchen?” Bucky asked with wide eyes.

“No one’s here you goof!” TJ elated through an entertained smile. “I actually… hold on.” He hopped off Steve, running over to the hall that connected the garage and the kitchen. “I got something yesterday when I went out!” He went out into the garage.

Bucky and Steve shared a bewildered look before TJ came back in with a red shopping bag.

“Hid it so you two couldn’t find it before I showed it to you. Didn’t think it’d be this soon.”

“It’s a sex toy isn’t it?” Bucky asked flatly, crossing his arms over his chest. He couldn’t deny the zing of excitement that shot from his balls and into his dick.

TJ’s face brightened. “You spoiler!” He pulled out a box with an image on it of two females with…

“That’s a fucking double-ended dildo,” Steve breathed out.

“Holy shit,” Bucky commiserated.

“I thought it’d be different,” TJ detailed, looking at the toy. “Maybe give us some ideas?”

“Ideas for what?” Steve asked, taking the box and looking at its description. “Fuck, this thing’s thick.”

“Well,” TJ drawled out, jumping up to sit on the counter. “So, we learned that you two only go vanilla because of me, right? And I’m not really all that vanilla. I was just super intimidated by your monster cocks.”

Bucky leaned back a bit, making sure to let TJ drink in the sight of his dick through the thin basketball shorts. “So you wanna start getting kinky with us?” Bucky filled in the blanks.

“So which one of us do you want on the other side of this thing?” Steve asked through a smirk.

“Well, you bottom more than Bucky. He says it makes him overstimulated too easily.”

Bucky shrugged. He wasn’t exactly against the idea of sharing an end with TJ on that thing, but TJ had a fair point.

“But,” TJ continued. “Steve could maybe fuck you too?”

Steve scratched his ear, looking over at Bucky with approving eyes.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “You two just want my ass all the time don’t you?”

“It’s an exceptionally tight ass, “TJ commented. “I mean, at this point I should know.”

Steve slipped from his seat, Bucky could already see the erection forming in his sweats. “And since I don’t know yet…” He ran his fingers up Bucky’s chest, pinching a nipple. “I’d kinda like to get to know.”

Bucky was already putty, leaning against Steve and letting his hardening cock glaze over Steve’s dick. “Okay fine,” Bucky breathed out, his eyelids falling heavy against his eyes. “You better fuck me real good, Stevie.”

Steve flashed a predatory grin, one that sent chills racing down Bucky’s spine, forcing his toes to curl. “I’ll take care of you, baby boy.”

Bucky hadn’t realized he loved being called “baby boy” till the moment it actually happened.

“I’ll be right back,” TJ said as he jogged up the steps, leaving Bucky and Steve to each other’s desperate, wandering hands and hungry mouths. As much Bucky wanted to eat, this was much preferred.

Steve picked him up, plopping him down on the kitchen island. Bucky let Steve’s mouth roam his jawline, down his throat and to his collarbones where he nipped hard at the flesh.

Bucky’s fingers roamed into Steve’s hair, curling at the back of his neck and scratching just hard enough to make Steve moan. Bucky pressed himself closer, enjoying how Steve manhandled him like the very toy they’d be using later.

Steve’s kisses were hot, wet and sloppy and each one pulled tiny gasps from Bucky’s mouth. Bucky hadn’t even realized TJ was back, closing behind Steve to press kisses between his shoulder blades and play with his ass cheeks.

Bucky swirled his hips, pressing his cock against Steve as much as he could, whimpering when it wasn’t enough. He opened his eyes to see TJ’s forehead. Reaching out, he pulled TJ into his lips, letting Steve suck at a nipple while he sucked at TJ’s lips. “You’re so pretty, TJ,” he breathed out, arching into Steve’s mouth.

TJ smiled, caressing the side of Bucky’s face. “So’re you. And you make the prettiest bottom.”

“Nnn,” Bucky groaned, leaning back as Steve started to kiss down his stomach, tracing the dip between his abs. “You both are so _determined_!”

Steve got to his knees, pulling Bucky a bit closer to the edge of the island so he could mouth over the man’s cock.

“Fuck! St-Steve,” Bucky breathed out as TJ kissed up his throat. “I thought…I thought this was about that toy.”

“It is,” TJ responded simply. “But you’re also doing so much for us and it’s kinda fun to shower you with attention. You don’t get it as much as you give it.”

Bucky’s brow slowly pulled together. “That’s not true,” he whispered. “You two give me everything I need.”

“Ehhhh,” Steve drawled as he pulled back from Bucky’s aching cock. He stroked his fingers over the fabric, following the line of Bucky’s dick. “You’ve been helping me out a lot, and you’ve always been trying to help TJ.”

“Yeah, but that’s cause you two have a lot of shit goin’ on,” Bucky defended, licking at the side of his  mouth. “I ain’t got nothin’.”

“But you do, Buck,” TJ consoled as he ran his fingers over the rolling landscape of Bucky’s abdomen. “You’re dead to the world for one more week. Been all cooped up. You never tell us what’s going on in your head.”

“Nothin’s goin’ on in it,” Bucky growled. “Trust me.”

Steve leaned an elbow against the island, supporting his head in his palm. “Would you just shut the fuck up and let us take care of you for once? You can take care of us in like…five minutes.”

Bucky’s face was frozen in shock, mouth ajar and eyes wide. It didn’t take long for TJ to start laughing, which in turn made Bucky laugh, which finally made Steve roll his eyes.

“Christ, it’s like pulling teeth with you,” Steve whispered as he yanked Bucky’s shorts to the floor.

Bucky’s cock rolled up against his hipbone. TJ got the most devilish grin on his face, moving to whisper something into Steve’s ear. Bucky leaned up, trying to hear but Steve caught him and pushed him back down. The quick reaction sent one of the plates crashing to the floor.

“Oh fuck,” TJ gasped. “Welp, good thing my mom’s got more dishes.”

“I can’t believe my ass is on your mother’s kitchen island.”

“I can’t believe your ass in on the future president of the United States’ kitchen island,” Steve corrected. “Now shut up and let us torture you for a bit.”

“You’re so demanding,” Bucky noted. “I like it.”

“Good,” Steve said as he ran his fingers lightly up and down Bucky’s inner thigh.

TJ moved down to Steve’s level. They shared a smirk before both moving toward Bucky’s dick.

Two tongues, one on each side, started to lap softly at the base of his cock. “Oh my fucking God there is a heaven,” Bucky breathed out as he let his head loll from side to side. “Oh fuck…”

Their tongues traced up the sides, lapping quickly, coating the base with a thin line of saliva before Steve reached up to grab at the tip. He played with the slit, circling his finger against it, just barely pushing his nail against it.

Bucky hissed out, but he arched into the sensation. He liked a little pain mixed with pleasure.

The two stood up more, running their tongues along the length of Bucky’s cock, occasionally meeting at the middle to press loud kisses into each other’s mouths. Bucky watched with hooded eyes. They were so pretty, letting their little pink tongues dart out over his dick, worshiping it like it was the only thing they knew. Bucky reached his hands down, catching both of their heads and running his fingers into their soft hair.

He dropped his head back when TJ’s tongue found his slit. “Oh _God,_ yeah,” he gasped, arching up into Steve’s hot mouth.

Steve pulled away, closing in on TJ’s lips once more. He grabbed at Bucky’s shiny cock, giving it a few pumps before letting TJ take Bucky’s cock into his mouth.

TJ sucked like a God damn _whirlpool_. His tongue swirled around Bucky’s cock, leaving it shiny and wet each time he’d bob his head up.

Steve took his place, nibbling with just enough pressure to make Bucky hiss again and grasp at the island. Steve knew how much pain to work with and Bucky would start singing the national anthem if he didn’t think Steve would start punching him first.

“You like this, Buck?” Steve asked, his lips so pretty and swollen. “We doin’ good for you?”

Bucky nodded, breathlessly as he ran his tongue over his own mouth. “Wanna kiss you,” he whispered out.

Steve pulled Bucky up into him, wrapping Bucky’s legs around his waist. His lips clashed against Bucky’s, wet and wanting. He sucked Bucky’s bottom lip into his mouth, running his tongue over it before bringing down his teeth to _tug_.

“Ah, shit!” Bucky moaned out, rubbing his cock against Steve’s torso. “You’re so good to me, you know?”

Steve laughed, picking Bucky up and moving to the living room.

“Thought we were gonna fuck in the kitchen?” Bucky asked, wrapping his arms around Steve. He’d never felt so small before, safe and protected in the arms of a man that once wasn’t bigger than a twelve-year-old school girl.

“Kinda hard to do what I wanna do in there,” TJ responded.

Bucky was set onto the couch, TJ’s mouth already back on his dick and sucking loudly, swirling his head as he went up and down on the length. Bucky’s mouth hung open, gasping each time TJ’s lips closed over the tip of his wet cock. “Shit TJ,” Bucky moaned. “Fuck, you got such a pretty mouth.”

Steve claimed Bucky’s with his, letting his fingers move to a nipple to gently circle it lightly. He lapped into Bucky’s mouth, stifling the moans that wanted to escape so loudly from the back of Bucky’s throat as TJ’s tongue lulled over him in all the right spots.

“Our turn,” TJ said, dropping Bucky’s dick against his thigh with a thick, wet drop.

Bucky looked down, analyzing how _red_ he was already. He wanted to bury himself deep into Steve’s ass, or TJ’s, he didn’t really give a shit which he loved them both all the same, but this wasn’t for that now. His turn was over.

Blinking and getting some wits about himself, Bucky moved to yank Steve out of his sweats. He shoved the man on the ground, letting a deep, primal ground slip from his throat as he bit down the man’s neck, pulling bruises and marks as he went. “Want my fingers in your ass, baby?” Bucky asked through the peppered nibbles. “Want my metal ones so deep you can taste them on the back of your tongue?”

Steve shivered, letting a needy whine pass his swollen lips. “Please, Buck?”

“Gotta tell me how much you want it, baby,” Bucky cooed, running a metal finger down Steve’s jaw, his eyes glinting when he saw Steve’s desperate gaze following it.

“I want it,” Steve whimpered. “I want it so bad, Buck. I want all of them up so far.”

“Yeah?” Bucky lead Steve on. He let his fingers dip down to the man’s neck now, tracing the bite marks.

He looked back, watching TJ quickly get the dildo out of the box and grabbed the lube he’d brought down from upstairs.

“Bucky please,” Steve whined again. He shook his hips, his cock bouncing as he squirmed atop the carpet. “Please I need them in me.”

“You _need_ them?” Bucky taunted. He straddled Steve, letting their cocks slide against each other as he used his metal hand to balance them together.

“Shit, fuck, Bucky…fuck…fuck…” Steve panted, rolling his hips into the soft sensation.

TJ was watching with an absolutely smitten grin on his face. He pulled at Bucky’s bun, letting the hair drop down around his face. “You look prettier with your hair down.”

Bucky used his flesh hand to guide TJ’s face to his, locking the man into a deep kiss.

“Bucky!” Steve protested, jerking his hips violently, enough to knock Bucky’s teeth into TJ’s.

Bucky pulled back, flashing an apologetic smile to TJ before returning his attention to Steve. Dealing with two bottoms was exhausting sometimes, perhaps the idea of letting go and really letting Steve and TJ take care of him wasn’t the worst idea? He just hated overstimulation. The feeling of being trapped… But when he was in Steve’s arms, so little and warm, it wasn’t so bad.

“Bucky…” TJ inquired. “You good?”

Bucky looked down, realizing he’d dropped Steve and his dick. He pulled back, letting Steve spread his legs so he could get at his ass. “Want my tongue first baby?” Bucky asked, pulling himself back into the part he enjoyed playing. But the idea of being so small in Steve’s arms still remained with him.

“Yes please,” Steve responded, wiggling his ass in anticipation. “I want your tongue.”

Bucky pulled at Steve’s ass cheeks, giving them a nice smack so one was nice and cherry-red before shimmying down to Steve’s hole.

“Hey TJ?” Bucky asked as he looked over his shoulder. TJ was lightly touching himself, his gaze hungry for Steve’s perfect form displayed before him.

“Yeah?”

“Get your fingers lubed up and start preparing me. Steve’s got a big dick.”

TJ laughed but he grabbed the lube and squirted a bit onto his fingers.

“Just a two fingers,” Bucky instructed. “I don’t wanna get too distracted.”

“Sure, Bucky,” TJ answered with a smirk.

Bucky spat at Steve’s hole, feeling the man flinch. He pushed his face against Steve’s body, letting his tongue circle the hole before he felt TJ’s fingers against his ass, spreading it softly and circling one finger around his hole. Bucky moaned into Steve’s ass, letting his tongue press fully against the entrance as his brow pushed at Steve’s perineum. He reached up, grabbing lazily at Steve’s dick, stroking it slowly.

“Fuck!” Steve hissed. “So good, Bucky…so _fucking_ good…”             

Bucky’s eyes rolled back as TJ’s finger pushed lightly into his hole, slick with lube and soft from how TJ had never seen a day of manual labor. Bucky pushed back, pulling more of TJ’s finger into him. He turned his focus back to Steve, hungrily diving into Steve’s little hole. He lapped into the entrance, pressing his tongue flesh against the insides and swirling his tongue around. He pulled back to spit at the hole again, running his fingers over the entrance and getting it nice and shiny. “Feel good baby?” Bucky asked, looking up at Steve’s flushing body. He loved it when Steve’s body started turning bright pink. He hadn’t seen it out in the garden the last time they’d all been together, but he knew Steve’s body could turn several shades of red if a guy worked him over enough.

“So good,” Steve responded blissfully, a lazy smile on his face as he hooked his legs over Bucky’s shoulders. “Go deeper.”

Bucky didn’t have to be told twice to eat his beloved boyfriend’s ass out. He shoved his face back in, his nose pressing against Steve’s perineum as he shoved his tongue inside. He yelped into the hole when TJ’s fingers curled inside him, pulling at his hole’s entrance softly before plunging back in.

He rocked back on his knees, letting TJ’s fingers go further in. He came up for air, gasping softly. “More TJ,” he requested. “Fuck give me more.”

TJ flicked his brow up once, but he did as instructed, pulling the fingers out to coat more lube against them.  He circled them around Bucky’s hole before letting three of them slip inside with ease.

Bucky moaned, muffled by his mouth pressed flush against Steve’s hole. He raised his flesh hand, grabbing at Steve’s knee that was tossed over his shoulder. His metal hand pressed against the floor to balance him. Slipping his tongue out of Steve’s hole, he sloppily licked at the perineum, forcing Steve to shiver violently with a string of _oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck’s_. Bucky got it nice and shiny before pulling back to suck at Steve’s slick hole. He traced his tongue along the muscle, enjoying the rivets as they fluttered happily around him.

“Bucky,” Steve mewled, long and needy. “Want your metal hand.”

“Since you’ve been so good, baby,” Bucky replied. He turned to watch TJ at his ass, twisting his wrist around as he let his fingers caress every secret Bucky thought he had to offer. He dropped his head down, earning a face full of ass crack. Kissing against the soft cheeks, he pulled back up. “St=stop TJ.”

TJ pulled back immediately, his face flashing with concern.

“I’m good,” Bucky said through a smile. “I just don’t wanna hurt Steve when I do this.”

“You really think you’d hurt him?” TJ asked, scooting closer.

“If I extend my fingers too quick I could literally cut his ass hole wide open,” Bucky replied with a deadpanned expression. “I won’t take that risk.”

“So when you put those in me…” TJ began.

“I could’ve split you open too,” Bucky finished. “But don’t worry. I know what I’m doing. I just need to concentrate since I can’t really feel what I’m doing.”

TJ nodded, handing Bucky the lube.

“Go make out with him,” Bucky instructed, but not before snagging a soft kiss from TJ’s lips that formed so perfectly with his own.

“You gonna fist him or something?” TJ asked with a cocked brow.

“Almost?” Bucky answered with a raised inflection. “Steve likes it deep.”

“Shit,” TJ breathed out before crawling over to Steve’s face and pressing greedy kisses to his lips.

Bucky slicked up his fingers, putting Steve’s legs back on the floor and spreading them wide so he could see that pretty little hole just gaping at him. He looked up, watching TJ’s tongue slip into Steve’s mouth.

Bucky wasted no time, he shoved two of his metal fingers up into Steve, spreading them softly and flicking his wrist so he could get them against all the dips inside Steve’s luscious ass.

Steve moaned into Bucky’s mouth loudly, grabbing at the man’s short hair. The veins in his arms were popping just a bit more than usual but otherwise Bucky wasn’t too concerned with rushing this a bit. They had a double-sided dildo to play with anyway, and TJ was being so patient.

Bucky pumped his fingers, swirling them around inside Steve’s body. He listened to the soft sounds of air and lube pressing into Steve’s body. Kissing at Steve’s knee, he slipped in a third finger, feeling the man tense beneath him.

“Too fast?” Bucky asked as he rubbed his flesh hand up and down Steve’s inner thigh.

“N-no,” Steve breathed out. “Keep going.”

TJ moved to sit on Steve’s face, his eyes fluttering closed when Bucky was sure Steve’s tongue was lapping at him nice. He pumped a few times at his purpling dick, letting the thumb circle the slit.

Bucky watched Steve eat TJ out. His chest was blooming into the most beautiful shade of red and his _hole_ was just so relaxed and ready for more. Bucky ached to shove inside him, to feel that perfect body wrap around him and claim him for all eternity. Bucky had never been of the mentality of the penetrator claiming the other. It was more like the bottom was enveloping the top, swallowing them in and bringing them on a journey so unique that once outside of their body, it’d never be quite like that again.

Bucky shivered, slipping his pinky finger into Steve’s already gaping ass. He froze when Steve cried up into TJ’s ass.

TJ lifted up, looking down with a creased brow, but Steve just pulled him back down and spread his legs wider, shaking them to alert Bucky back to what he was doing. Bucky pushed a bit further inside, this thumb being the only reason he couldn’t just plunge into Steve’s body. Pumping his fingers back and forth, he watched Steve fuck himself onto Bucky’s hand, smiling when Steve would push his hips down against them when Bucky would pull just a bit too far away.

TJ was gasping softly, sending shivers down Bucky’s spine with each one. He looked so pretty, his eyes closed with that mouth open and that pink tongue slipping all over those red lips.

Bucky pulled his hand back, lining it up against Steve’s open hole, he dropped his thumb against his fingers, watching as all five digits started to move easily into Steve’s ass.

Steve whined loudly, moving back from Bucky’s hand.

Bucky pulled back, using one less digit to accommodate for Steve’s pain. Bucky used to take hours to do this when Steve was small. Steve was open enough for a dick (or dildo, Bucky was still a tad bit salty about that) but not enough for a fist.

He slipped four digits in, flicking his wrist and pumping slowly, going as deep as he physically could before pulling out to do it all over again.

TJ’s gasps were getting more frantic and from how purple his cock was, Bucky knew he was pretty close to coming.

“You think you can come from Steve’s tongue?” Bucky rasped.

TJ’s eyes opened, his face momentarily draining from the bliss that had filled it moments prior. “D-dunno. Maybe…ah fuck!” He swirled his hips atop Steve’s face, letting his head roll back. “Ah fuck, Steve…”

Bucky tried to slip in his thumb again, watching for any sign of distress in Steve’s body. When he saw none, he pushed forward, watching his metal knuckles slipping into Steve’s hole.

Steve moaned loudly into TJ’s ass, his back arching for a moment before dropping back against the carpet.

“You good baby?” Bucky asked, his hand frozen inside of Steve.

“He’s…” TJ began “Ah sh-shit, he’s still eating me out.”

Bucky took that as a good sign, he pushed his hand up further, watching his palm disappear into his lover’s body.

One of Steve’s hands thumped down into the carpet, fingers curling into the fabric and pulling some of it out but he swiveled his hips, whimpering into TJ’s hole.

Bucky slowly pulled his hand back from Steve’s body, letting his fingers stroke over the blond’s prostate, over and over till Steve’s body was shaking and he slammed his legs shut, trapping Bucky’s hand inside.

“Want me to stop?” Bucky asked.

TJ was leaning forward, his cheeks flushed. “I’m gonna…Steve if you keep…”

Bucky was careful to keep his hand still, but he leaned his head forward to guide the tip of TJ’s dick into his mouth.

“Ah, fuck! God!” TJ cried out as he jerked his hips up, shoving more of himself into Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky tasted the delicious seed as it sputtered into his mouth. TJ was moaning deeply, his hips circling atop Steve’s face.

Bucky drank TJ’s cum down, pressing soft, slow kisses to the tip of that precious cock, still purple and barely beginning to soften.

“Think you’ve got it in you for the dildo?” Bucky asked as he pushed his hand a bit further into Steve, thrumming his fingers over the prostate.

TJ swung his legs over Steve’s body, crashing to the floor with his ass up in the air. “Just give me a sec and I’ll be good.”

“Bucky!” Steve yelped. “Oh fuck, please don’t…I’m gonna…”

Bucky pulled his hand back slowly, letting it slip out of Steve’s ass with the softest squelching noises. “You still like me fisting you?”

Steve nodded vigorously.

Bucky looked down between Steve’s legs at that wide, red hole. He’d take that dildo easily, but maybe TJ needed a bit more prep.

Bucky grabbed the lube and with his flesh hand, slipped a finger into TJ.

“B-Bucky!” TJ hissed. “Oh fuck…”

“Just gonna help get you a bit more open, baby,” Bucky cooed. He wished he’d brought a towel over for his metal hand. He rested it on the dimples of TJ’s back, watching it speckle TJ’s body with shimmering lube.

“Feel good?” Bucky asked simply, watching TJ’s limbs start to quiver.

“Y-yeah,” TJ responded. “I like your fingers.”

Steve moved to grab the dildo, he scrutinized it for a moment before seeming to resign himself to the notion.

“You excited for your new toy, baby?” Bucky asked as he slipped a second finger into TJ’s ass. “Gonna make you come into me with it?”

Steve smiled darkly, crawling over to Bucky to press lazy kisses to his lips. “I’m excited, yeah,” he purred. “Gonna get to fill you up for a change.”

“Spit on your fingers and shove ‘em in me,” Bucky said with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll work TJ open.”

Steve raised a brow. “We have lube?”

“I like pain, Steve,” Bucky growled. He brushed over TJ’s prostate, listening to the soft mewling sounds that passed TJ’s lips.

Bucky spread his legs open, listening to Steve spit and felt the familiar sting as fingers entered him. He’d gotten a bit worked open from TJ but it wasn’t nearly enough for Steve’s cock.

For fun or morbid curiosity, Bucky looked back at Steve’s leaking cock, red and ready to spill everything it had. He licked his lips, feeling his heart squeeze as excitement rushed into him. He wanted that cock buried so deep it forced tears out of his eyes. He fucked back on Steve’s fingers, gasping softly as his fingers slipped in and out of TJ with ease.

“Give me the lube and the dildo,” Bucky whispered.

Steve handed it to him and TJ used a shaky hand to hit the lube back to him.

Still bouncing softly back onto Steve’s fingers, Bucky focused on slicking the dildo up. He pumped at it like he would his own cock, smiling sinfully as he looked at TJ’s perfect hole, all nice and ready for it.

“You excited, TJ?” Bucky asked, leaning his head over so he could glimpse TJ’s tired face. “Gettin’ hard for it?”

TJ nodded, scooting his legs a bit further apart. “Put it in me, Bucky,” he pleaded through a raspy, light voice.

Bucky lined the dildo up, watching it slowly get enveloped by TJ’s hole. He moaned when Steve’s fingers brushed his prostate and from the sight of TJ’s hole taking this thing in.

Bucky pumped the toy a few times, letting TJ’s body get used to it before he slipped it in a bit further. Once he felt he had it far enough, he pulled back from Steve, whimpering from how open his hole felt.

“Want me to help you on it?” Bucky asked Steve.

“Please?” Steve asked through a bashful smile. “Don’t wanna miss or something.”

“Turn around, dumbass,” Bucky teased. He lined Steve’s hips up to TJ’s, tapping his legs to spread them.

Bucky gave Steve’s hole one last, longing look before squeezing out some lube and lining the dildo up with his lover’s battered hole.

“Steve, scoot back a bit,” Bucky instructed.

Steve did as he was told, moving back so the dildo brushed up against his ass, leaving a nice shiny streak.

Bucky pushed the toy into Steve, watching the hole flutter softly around it.

“Oh fuck yeah,” Steve breathed out. “This feels almost as good as you, Buck.”

Pleased with the compliment he knew was entirely pointed and probably planned since the moment Steve saw the toy, Bucky brought his hand down, smacking Steve’s cheek sharply, watching the skin ripple. “Better only feel _almost_ as good as me,” he grumbled teasingly.

Steve dropped his chest down, letting the curve of his back bow, showing off his muscles and the tiny showings of ribs that once were so prominent.

Bucky’s lips parted silently, at the display of his boyfriends on a dildo together. “You’re both so good,” Bucky whispered.

He sat back, watching the two of them thrust back into each other, his gaze completely transfixed on the dildo as it got lost inside them, only to peek out once more. He stroked at his cock, licking his lips at a sight he never knew he needed till he saw it.

The soft moans that escaped their lips were desperate and pitchy, their bodies curved and heads dropped down into the carpet. They looked like God damn works of moving art and Bucky had never felt harder in his life.

“Holy shit,” TJ whimpered. “Fuck Steve this feels so good.”

Steve’s response was a grunt and loud panting as he grabbed at Bucky’s leg. “Wanna…wanna be in you.”

Bucky felt his heart speed up. He’d given himself to TJ, he could give himself to Steve, but that fear would never leave him, no matter who was topping him. He’d always be a bit scared to turn around and suddenly be back on a table in a HYDRA base with bonds around his arms and wrists.

He crawled up to Steve, forcing the man to get up onto his knees and let TJ do most of the thrusting for the moment. “Wanna kiss you, baby,” Bucky whispered. He curled his arms around Steve’s shoulders, letting their hard cocks slip up against each other. “Oh fuck,” Bucky breathed. “You both look so pretty.”

Steve smiled triumphantly, running his fingers down Bucky’s body to curl around his dick and play with the precome that dripped from Bucky’s tip.

“You ready?” Steve asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah,” Bucky answered. He turned around, spreading his legs and getting onto his hands and knees.

He listened to the snap of the lube’s top as Steve squirted some of it out and coated his dick. Bucky pushed his face into the carpet, watching TJ push up and wrap his arms back around Steve. They kissed each other sloppily, licking at cheeks and chins, still rocking back into the dildo that joined them.

TJ was the most intelligent human on the planet for getting this damn toy.

Bucky tensed when he felt Steve’s fingers pull at his ass cheeks. He looked up through strands of dark hair as Steve ran a hand down the line of Bucky’s back.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Steve reassured.

Bucky scoffed. “I know that, punk. Shove it in me already.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but he did as instructed, slipping in just a bit too much to make Bucky yelp as pain pulsed from his ass. Steve knew Bucky liked pain, and Bucky most certainly _did_ enjoy the dulling sensation of oversensitive nerves that worked around Steve’s thick cock.

Bucky pushed back against Steve, moaning into the carpet as Steve’s fingers curled around his hips. “Oh fuck, Steve.”

Steve was panting loudly rocking back and forth just a tad on the dildo. His face was euphoric as Bucky looked back at him.

“You like my ass, Steve?” Bucky flirted softly, using an unusually pitchy voice for himself. “Wanna come all over inside me?”

Steve shivered, pausing his movements as he turned to kiss TJ’s lips again. They were becoming quite proficient with that thing it seemed. “I love your dirty talk, Buck.”

“I love you,” Bucky shot back with an impish grin. “More, Stevie. I want you more.”

Steve slipped further in, letting Bucky feel his hole work around the intrusion. His limbs felt weak as they started to shake, despite his attempt to gather himself and not fall into a messy wreck on the carpet. Steve felt so good, filling his hole up and pushing against muscles that were hardly ever touched. TJ and Steve. They and they alone would get to share this with Bucky, and at this point, Bucky didn’t mind doing it more often. He kept thinking back to when Steve was carrying him over to the couch and how small he felt. He wanted to feel like that more. To get to be the one to break down after months of staying strong.

And Bucky was heading for a breakdown. He just hadn’t had a moment to realize it yet, not till the moment he realized how badly he needed to feel small in Steve’s arms.

Steve’s dick brushed against his prostate, pulling him from his thoughts and sending jolts of pleasure from his loins and up into his shoulders. His limbs trembled as Steve rocked back and forth, full, steady strokes that were calculative of each place they hit.

Bucky whimpered, feeling his prostate get bumped with each thrust. “Steve…Steve….Steve….” Bucky chanted breathlessly. He watched TJ’s hands curl around Steve’s hips, listened to the sounds of their asses smacking together as they thrust back into each other, and relished in the way Steve’s dick fit so snug and nice inside him.

Bucky couldn’t stop the moans that passed his lips like a chorus of gospel singers. He buried his face into the carpet but that did nothing to stifle his volume. He could barely hear Steve’s pants and he certainly couldn’t hear those delicious, delicate sounds TJ was making anymore.

He let himself let go, to rock back into Steve’s flawless cock and let his lover drill deep into him. His muscles squeezed against Steve, pulling him deeper with each push of his hips back into the blond. Mewling like some kind of porn star, Bucky felt tears prick at his eyes from the sensations.

Steve’s body was moving faster now, his face and chest flushed a beautiful red. Bucky wanted to press his hands against the red and see just how _hot_ Steve felt. “Ah…ah…St-Steve…Steve….” Bucky moaned, turning his head to the other side to watch their reflection in the large TV screen.

TJ was still up on his knees with Steve, kissing back. One of Steve’s hands was wrapped back around TJ, stroking at his dick and Steve…the fucking _god_ of sex and all things _sinfully_ perfect was taking that dildo like a champ and dishing it back out in the form of ramming against Bucky’s hole.

Bucky’s mind couldn’t take much more. Each thrust sent sparks behind his eyes, warming them till he felt like they were melting down his face. His body trembled violently and the _mewling_ that kept passing his lips was like a fucking cat in heat. He pressed back into Steve selfishly, clenching his ass and refusing to let Steve go as he rocked, in and out.

“Gonna…” Bucky panted as tears fell from his eyes. “Gonna come…gonna…c-come…”

“It’s okay, baby,” Steve soothed, running a hand down Bucky’s back again. “You can come baby boy. T-touch yourself if you need it.”

“C-call me…” Bucky gasped. “Call me baby boy more, Stevie.”

Steve laughed, exhausted and worked over, but the smile Bucky saw was luminous.

Bucky reached between his legs to stroke at himself, feeling heat coil around his stomach. He pushed his face into the carpet, his ass clenching around Steve and pulling him impossibly further in. “Steve…Steve _please_ …”

“Come on, baby boy,” Steve finally pressed him on. “Come on, come for me pretty baby boy.”

Bucky screamed into the carpet as his balls practically thrust up into him, spewing hot seed against a carpet that he knew would stain and have to explain later but right now? Right now he was coming from Steve’s velvety voice, that thick, pulsing cock that filled him up so nice and to the sounds of TJ’s soft whimpers as he finally dropped to his hands and knees once more.

He trembled violently, his body finally getting pushed to the brink that Bucky hated. He stopped touching himself, but let Steve continue fucking into his ass with frantic, aggressive thrusts.

His hole tingled as his muscles fluttered in erratic rhythms. “Steve…” he whined. “Steve it…it’s…” He pushed his face into the carpet again as tears poured from his eyes. His body was on fire, a fire that he wasn’t sure felt too good or hurt too bad. His dick was soft, slamming against his thigh with each of Steve’s thrusts.

“I’m almost there, Buck,” Steve whispered. “Just…just give me a little bit more, baby boy. Can you do that?”

Bucky wanted to protest and say no. He wanted to pull away but that wouldn’t be fair. With quivering lips, Bucky whispered, “Take as long as you need, Stevie.”

He wasn’t sure when TJ appeared before him, but TJ was suddenly there, kissing all over his face, top of his head, running his hands over Bucky’s back and shoulders. “You’re okay, Buck,” he cooed. “You’re doing so good and you look so pretty.”

Bucky pushed his face into TJ’s thigh, swallowing a wrecked moan that still managed to tear through him, wrecking his body into new tremors.

“Bucky,” Steve groaned. “I’m right there baby boy.”

Bucky nodded into TJ’s thigh, pushing back into Steve and swirling his hips around to get Steve as much pleasure as he could. His body protested, feeling like it was being pressed with pins and needles as pleasure was now indecipherable from pain but when he felt it, the warmth of Steve’s seed and heard the loud, approving moans of Steve’s voice, he didn’t care. It felt good to feel so _done_. All he wanted was to crawl into Steve and TJ’s arms and let them shower him with kisses. To let them scrub him clean and make sure his pillow was fluffed up enough. He wanted to feel small.

Steve collapsed over Bucky’s back, slipping down to the floor and looking belly up at the ceiling. He was panting heavily, his flushed chest rising and falling.

Bucky curled into TJ, feeling semen slip from his ass and cool against his thigh.

“You did so good, Bucky,” TJ whispered, kissing the tears that still fell from Bucky’s face. “You were so good.”

Steve crawled over, pressing kisses up from Buck’s waist to his shoulders. He wrapped his big arms around Bucky and right then, resting his head on TJ’s lap and feeling Steve’s body press into his, right then he felt small and safe. Right then everything he’d done from the day he was born to this very moment was right. HYDRA. Steve. The army. It was all worth it if it meant that Bucky found himself between bodies that loved him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” TJ whispered as he wiggled out of Bucky’s hold.

Bucky whined, turning into Steve and pressing his face into his collarbone.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asked, grabbing at his chin and forcing Bucky’s eyes open. “I went too hard didn’t I?”

“No,” Bucky rasped. “No everything was perfect.”

Steve stared at him for a moment, analyzing those sleepy eyes and that tired mouth. He pressed a soft, chaste kiss against Bucky’s lips. “I think you’re lying to me.”

Bucky shrugged. “So I got a little overstimulated. You deal with it all the time.”

“Eh,” Steve began. “Not all the time.”

Bucky closed his eyes, breathing in deep to savor Steve’s scent. “Whatever. It wasn’t that bad.”

“You like bottoming?” TJ asked as he came back with a warm washcloth. “I fucking love it.”

Bucky laughed, watching TJ run the washcloth down between his legs and gently at his hole. He whimpered as TJ moved the washcloth in gentle, circular motions around his battered entrance. “It’s good,” he whispered. “Makes me tired.”

TJ laughed, moving the washcloth to Bucky’s hands to wipe away the semen there. “You stained my mom’s carpet though…”

“Sorry.”

TJ shrugged. “Oh, no, this is great. I can’t wait for her to find out.”

“TJ!” Steve scolded.

“It’s funny!” TJ defended. He grabbed Steve’s face, pinching his lips together. “About as funny as your face!”

Steve wormed out of TJ’s grasp and dropped his face into Bucky’s shoulder. “You’re such a little shit!”

Bucky giggled, watching TJ press kisses all over Steve’s side.

This wasn’t going to be easy. TJ seemed fine and happy now, but then there’d come the sweats and the shakes…the nightmares and the vomit. He’d get so sick he wouldn’t be able to walk straight and Bucky and Steve needed to be there for him. To do exactly what he was doing now for Bucky. To care for him, give him support and show him that it was okay; drugs weren’t going to win.

Bucky reached up, caressing the back of his hand against TJ’s face. “I love you, TJ.”

TJ paused, his smile fading. He grabbed Bucky’s hand and kissed the palm. “I love you too.”

“When we go to sleep tonight, can I be in the middle?” Bucky asked innocently, earning soft giggles from his lovers.

He got to sleep in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always loved! <3 
> 
> Gif time? LET'S SEE WHAT INSPIRED ME FOR THAT SEX SCENE!
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> So yeah, that's my inspiration ;)
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> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
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	9. Double Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in order for this chapter to go up, sadly I have to compromise my formatting. -- will be used instead of page breaks. Why? Because my laptop is broken and sent back for repairs and I'm on a terrible tablet that hates the ever-living-daylights out of Ao3 and refuses to do anything I ask without it crashing a million times. This has already taken me an hour to post :( I now only get 4 hours of sleep before class. T_____T
> 
> Thank you to [perfbucky](perfbucky.tumblr.com) for, as always, being the amazing beta she is!

“Everything hurts and I’m dying!” TJ proclaimed dramatically as he flung an arm over his eyes. He was sprawled out on the couch, a blanket spilled lackadaisically atop him, one sock missing from his foot and one Bucky Barnes as his pillow.

Of course things wouldn’t be easy. The second TJ started showing withdrawal symptoms, the Avengers needed Steve for some mission. They swore up and down it wasn’t the end of the world but they claimed they felt better with Steve around. In Bucky’s rather blunt opinion, Steve needed it. He needed the focus of a mission to mask how the media was still peeling at his skin, setting his words aflame and scrutinizing each move he made.  

“He really needs us though,” Steve complained, still reaching for his uniform. “What if he gets sick? What if he starts shaking or he needs me? You know he likes us both wrapped around him when he doesn’t feel well.”

“Steve!” Bucky exclaimed, slamming his back against the wall in irritation. He handed Steve his gloves. “For the thousandth time, I can manage a coupl’a days without you! Doug and Anne are flyin’ in tonight and they’re gonna help when I need a break. We got this.”

Steve sighed heavily, staring at his combat boots. “I just haven’t been away from him since..”

Bucky’s eyes softened. He pulled out Steve’s shield from the closet (yes, the closet, Bucky was also surprised the day Steve decided to store it there). Running his fingers over the metal, Bucky flicked his brow up once, nodding softly. “Since the night we took out that HYDRA base.”

Steve nodded, swallowing thickly. “I don’t want him to think I’m abandoning him or something,” Steve whispered. He looked at his shield, chewing his bottom lip.

Bucky could see the war that raged within those blue irises. Steve had quite literally hung up the shield for TJ. The Avengers had still been active, but they’d given Steve a breather to work things out with the media and this relationship. Bucky honestly wasn’t surprised that Steve was hesitating, even though it only meant one thing– Steve loved TJ more than he loved the world. Steve would’ve thrown his life down back in the war. He’d throw his life down when it came to HYDRA and protecting innocents, but not anymore. That boat had sailed, Steve had someone to live for and that person wasn’t even Bucky.

It was TJ.

Bucky wouldn’t let Steve see the miniscule wince that passed through Bucky’s eyes at that cold thought. Someone meant more to Steve than Bucky did. Perhaps it was because TJ needed someone to protect him and Bucky didn’t. Perhaps it was because Bucky was firmly in the position of the protector when it came to Steve. But Bucky wouldn’t lie to himself.

Steve’s whole existence was to live for TJ now.

“I’m only gonna be gone a coupla days,” Steve said as he walked down the stairs, Bucky trailing behind him. “Call me any time. Day or night. Send me pictures and keep me updated on TJ.”

Bucky snorted. “He’s not dyin’, Steve. He’s just finally kicking coke outta his system.”

TJ was leaning against the kitchen counter, a sheepish smile on his face. His eyes were red, but other than that he looked no worse than usual.

Steve came up to him, pulling him close by the waist and bringing him in for a desperate kiss. He breathed loudly, his fingers clutching to TJ as if it would be the last time he ever did.

“You’re gonna miss the quinjet,” Bucky lilted. He got his phone out, snapping a picture of Steve and TJ still in the heat of their kiss. He texted the picture to Steve’s phone.

Steve pulled back, resting his forehead against TJ’s. “Call me. Any time. Even if I’m getting shot at, I’ll still answer for you.”

TJ giggled, running his fingers lightly over Steve’s clavicles. “I’m not getting you killed.”

Steve whined, low and anxious. “Do you want anything? I can get you real Swiss chocolate? Oh! What about some really stupid touristy thing from England? Like a snow globe or something? Actually, I could do all this–”

“Steve!” TJ protested through a smile. “Just come back to us.”

Steve pressed a kiss to each of TJ’s eyelids. “I’ll only be gone for a few days.”

“I’m in good hands,” TJ reassured, pushing Steve gently. “You really don’t wanna piss Natasha off.”

Steve grabbed his boots from Bucky, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “I love you,” he whispered into Bucky’s ear. “Only a few days.”

“You tellin’ us that or yourself?” Bucky teased. “Get outta here and save the damn world.”

Steve was walking backwards, his eyes fixed on TJ.

It was the first time Bucky actually felt jealous. It snaked into the pit of his stomach and tied his intestines into knots. He knew how Steve felt. TJ was fragile, he was hurting and going through a long process to break his coke habit. Steve was his protector, his provider. Bucky knew where he stood in Steve’s life, as Steve’s own provider, his own rock. Bucky didn’t need as much reassurance as TJ did.

But he was still jealous.

“I’ll still get you something,” Steve babbled. “I love you, TJ.”

“Go, Captain America!” TJ laughed. “I love you too.”

Steve stood on the doorstep, looking at both his lovers before heaving a sigh and turning around. The quinjet was hovering in the middle of the street, blocking traffic. Luckily no one bothered to honk at Avengers.

Bucky looked down at TJ, shaking the memory of Steve’s departure from his mind to focus on the dramatic man looking up at him expectantly. “Do you want any water?”

“I want,” TJ mused. “I want… orange juice and toothpaste. So I can die.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, running his fingers through his lover’s hair. “We should run you a bath.”

TJ groaned, turning to press his nose into Bucky’s stomach. “No! You’ve already made me take three today!”

Bucky laughed, watching TJ curl into him. “Want a massage? Foot rub? Blowjob?”

TJ giggled. He looked up with a wicked grin. Bucky was subconsciously already loosening his jaw when TJ finally said, “Massage.”

Bucky nodded, wiggling out from under TJ so he could kneel on the floor beside the couch. “Lie on your stomach, baby.”

TJ whimpered, but not before a strangled cry escaped his lips. “Everything hurts.”

Bucky sighed softly through his nose. “Want me to get the Voltaren gel? Doctor said you can use as much of it as you need.”

TJ nodded into the pillow, groaning softly. “And Advil?”

“Sure, baby,” Bucky cooed. He leaned over, pressing a kiss to TJ’s temple before standing up to swing into the kitchen for the muscle relaxant cream and pain killer.

“How is he?” Anne asked as she leaned over a pint of ice cream.

Bucky eyed the dessert before looking up at Anne. “You and Doug gettin’ a divorce or somethin’?”

“Ha! Oh no. I just sometimes get massive cravings for ice cream.”

Bucky grabbed TJ’s medication before leaning a hip against the counter. “He’s okay. Just sore.”

“Doug’s thinking about getting him some good take out tonight. Think he’ll feel like eating?” she asked, tilting her head to the side so her black hair spilled over her delicate shoulder like water.

Bucky shrugged. “I can ask ‘im.”

“Please? I just read that sometimes they don’t want to eat, or they do but it doesn’t taste right.”

Bucky reached over, snatching Anne’s spoon before shoveling a large scoop into his mouth. The cold seared up into his brain but it wasn’t as if he wasn’t unfamiliar to the sensation. “That’s good ice cream,” he mumbled around a full mouth.

Anne rolled her eyes. “Black raspberry chip. It’s TJ’s favorite.”

Bucky swallowed, wiping at his mouth. “Well don’t eat all of it! I like my boys with some meat on them.”

Anne giggled, shaking her head. “You like them chubby?”

Bucky was walking out of the kitchen when he called over his shoulder, “Have you seen Steve?” He moved around the couch, seeing TJ curled up under the blanket. His limbs were trembling slightly. “Hey baby. Sorry I took so long.” He leaned over to give TJ a few kisses on the forehead.

“S’okay,” TJ slurred. “I feel like shit.”

“Yeah I know. Everything hurts and you’re dying,” Bucky repeated. “You’ve said it at least twenty times today.”

“You’re not the most supportive boyfriend, are you?” TJ asked, a glimmer of amusement brightening up his eyes.

Bucky put his metal hand over his heart, sporting an exaggerated wounded look on his features. “TJ!” he gasped. “I am the most supportive! I’m here to help you piss in the toilet and make sure you don’t swallow your tongue!”

TJ rolled his eyes. “Steve’d be nicer.”

“Shaddup and let me take your shirt off,” Bucky laughed as he tugged TJ’s loose band-tee over his head. “I’ll send a picture of you all lathered up with gel and tell him we’re getting into wax play.”

TJ snorted. “He into that?”

“Oh baby,” Bucky chuckled. “Steve used to love getting wax dripped on his hips when he was smaller.” He squirted some of the cream onto his hands, rubbing it around before starting at TJ’s shoulders and working his fingers in soft circles.

“Oh God,” TJ moaned. “I fucking love your damn metal hand.”

“It loves you,” Bucky purred. He brought his fingers down along TJ’s spine, letting them pull his skin lightly. He moved his hands back up to the man’s shoulders, using his thumbs to knead at the sore muscles underneath.

“So wax play huh?” TJ questioned. “Shit. I’m so painfully vanilla compared to you two.”

Bucky bit the side of his lip, remembering Steve’s tiny hips when he used to spill tiny droplets from a candle against them. He used to love watching the goosebumps raise against Steve’s creamy skin. “Things are different now. We didn’t have vibrating anal beads and all the crazy stuff that’s around these days.”

“We don’t even use anal beads,” TJ grumbled. “I want some.”

“We can buy some once Steve’s back. Love to see how the media’d react to you two goin’ into a sex store.” Bucky kneaded his fingers into TJ’s neck along his hairline. He smiled silently as TJ shivered beneath his touch, extending his neck to selfishly get more of Bucky’s fingers on him. “Feel good?”

“S’nice,” TJ breathed. “Still feels like I’m wrapped in plastic though.”

Bucky clicked his tongue. He moved his hands down TJ’s back to massage around his shoulder blades. “It’s gonna pass and you’re gonna be so thankful, TJ.”

TJ sighed, turning his face toward Bucky. “Yeah I know. Coke’s a stupid drug when I can get high on you and Steve.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, his mouth dropping open as he let his lips curl into a delighted expression. “TJ!” he proclaimed. “That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard outta your mouth!”

TJ laughed, snuggling his face into the pillow. “I have my moments.” He looked back up at Bucky, his eyes glazed over with adoration and comfort.

Bucky’s heart melted into a pathetic pool of affection and devotion. It wasn’t hard to understand why Steve felt he had to live for TJ. Bucky felt the same way. TJ was soft, his skin smooth and unharmed, save for the tiny scars from dings and cuts from an adventurous childhood. His eyes were shaped just like Bucky’s but they were so much brighter, larger somehow and always shimmering like the inside of a cave, catching the morning light so that they’d sparkle with just enough luminosity to leave Bucky weak. “I love you,” Bucky professed. He pressed a kiss behind TJ’s ear. “I love you so much.”

TJ leaned into the kiss, giggling softly. “I love you too, Bucky.”

“I thought we agreed there’d be no sex down here till me and Anne left?” Doug teased as he walked into the room, plopping down into the plush armchair in the corner. “It still creeps me out that the stains on the carpet are because you decided to play train.”

Bucky laughed openly, moving his fingers down to the dimples of TJ’s back to work the gel into there. “Your mom’s ordering new carpet. Chill out.”

Dough laughed, nodding in defeat. “So, TJ. Chinese, Thai, pizza or a good ol’ American burger– thinking really greasy with mushrooms and cheese and mayo.”

TJ winced. Bucky could feel him shudder beneath him from displeasure.

“How about none of the above?” he squeaked.

Doug sighed, sitting forward. “Whaddya feel like eating? Steak? Shrimp? Chicken?”

“I’m not really feeling food,” TJ mumbled. “Sorry, Dougie.”

Doug nodded softly, his big brown eyes looking to his wife. “Well, we tried.”

“That doesn’t mean you all can’t get something!” TJ protested. He tried to sit up, but Bucky placed his metal hand to the middle of his back, holding him down.

“Not done with you, TJ,” Bucky reminded him gently. “Gotta get this into your muscles.”

“What do you want, Dougie? Burgers? I’d drink a soda? We can get Arnie’s Burgers and I’ll take one of their craft cream sodas, kay?”

Doug scrunched up his face, shrugging. “Nah, we wanna do something special for you.”

“Guys, I’m a recovering coke addict, not a war hero.”

“I’m a war hero,” Bucky piped up, a shit-eating smirk on his features. “Where’s my burger with mushrooms and grease?”

Doug laughed, sighing in resignation. “Fine, we’ll get Arnie’s, but could I please get you to eat at least three fries off my plate?”

“Sure, Dougie,” TJ agreed.

Bucky was almost finished with working the muscle relaxant into TJ’s skin. He smiled at how the medication shimmered off TJ’s back, glistening like marble. He did pull out his phone to take a picture and send it to Steve, though he left off the wax play memory bit.

“Feel better?” Bucky asked, sitting back and cracking his flesh hand’s knuckles.

“A bit,” TJ confessed. “Advil please?”

Bucky popped open the bottle and shook out four pills before handing a bottle of water over to TJ and the medication. He watched the man toss the pills back and swallow them down with ease. “Can I get you anything else?”

“Hold me,” TJ muttered.

Bucky moved from the floor to the couch. He slipped onto the couch and let TJ crawl into his arms. TJ pressed his head into one of Bucky’s pecs, groaning softly.

“I hate this,” he sulked. “But I like you being here with me.”

Bucky pressed several kisses atop TJ’s head, threading his flesh fingers into TJ’s. “I’ll always take care of you, TJ.”

“You know,” Doug interrupted, watching the pair with a face mixed of wonder and disbelief. “You two are basically twins. But…you’re not.”

“Well, no,” TJ began. “You’re my twin, Dougie.” He flashed a smug grin over at Doug.

Anne giggled as she settled onto Doug’s lap.

“No I mean,” Doug backtracked. “At first I thought this was really weird. I’m not even gonna lie. You’re my brother and you have to love me anyway.”

TJ laughed, but he nodded against Bucky’s chest. The soft motion made Bucky’s heart flutter beneath the skin, like it wanted to reach out and caress TJ’s cheek.

“But I see it now. I see how different you two look. I get it.”

“Congratulations?” Anne offered through a gentle smile.

“What the fuck are you goin’ on about, Dougie?” TJ asked, huffing in amusement.

Bucky pressed his lips to the top of TJ’s head. He looked lazily at Doug before pulling back and holding TJ just a bit tighter in his arms. Nothing could hurt TJ here. He was surrounded by love, family and a good support system. Bucky would be there for him, even if he went out and did a line of coke tomorrow. Bucky wouldn’t be pleased, but he’d still support TJ. He knew Steve would too. Steve would probably be a bit pissier about the idea of TJ lapsing, but that wasn’t the point right now.

TJ had weaseled his way into Steve’s heart based on his looks but he stayed there because of who he was, and Bucky had seen it too. He saw the sun that shimmered around TJ, saw the man he really could be beneath the anxiety and suffering. He saw the man that Doug and Anne wanted TJ to be, and he’d do anything to get TJ there– as would they.

Because that’s what TJ did. He brought people together, whether it be from his more stress-inducing moments or the happy ones like this (even if it was from a cocaine withdrawal). Doug was there with Anne. They were laughing with TJ, making jokes and really getting to know Bucky and he was really getting to know them.

“Well, we’ve always been able to tell each other apart,” TJ said, looking up at Bucky with round, adoring eyes.

Bucky must’ve tuned out the conversation because he felt he’d missed the part where Doug described the differences, but that really didn’t matter to Bucky. He saw the differences. He knew TJ was his own person. If others thought they were sick and twisted for being so in love, then so be it. Bucky loved TJ. Steve loved TJ. And Bucky and Steve loved each other.

“You okay, Bucky?” TJ asked, reaching up to cup Bucky’s bristly cheek. He traced his thumb over Bucky’s lips.

Instinctively, Bucky pressed a kiss into that little thumb, opening his mouth to let the tip slip into his mouth to suck softly.

TJ’s mouth dropped open, but a look of panic flashed over his face as his gaze darted over to Doug and Anne.

Bucky pulled back, his heart squeezing from the loss of contact. “M’good. Tired.”

“You could go lie down for a bit?” Anne offered. “We can watch a movie or something with TJ.”

Bucky shook his head. He curled his arms more around TJ, pressing countless tiny kisses against his lover’s forehead. “I can nap here,” he finally answered.

TJ smiled softly, pink lips curling at the corners just enough to make Bucky’s knees tingle. “That sounds nice.”

“Do you need anything before I fall asleep?” Bucky asked. “More water or another blanket?”

TJ rolled his eyes. “I swear, Bucky, you’re worse than my mom.”

\--

TJ didn’t eat more than a few fries at dinner. Bucky had scarfed down three burgers, two large sacks of fries and downed four liters of water in one sitting. His metabolism was way faster than the average person’s and both Anne and Doug were aware of that, but that still didn’t stop them from staring at him in astonishment as he chomped away at his food as quickly as possible before hopping back over the couch and cuddling into TJ for the nightly news.

They watched a small update on the Avengers over in the UK. Apparently they were having dinner with the Queen. Stark was answering a few questions about the mission, said it was going fine. Bucky shot over a text to Steve just to make sure that was actually the case before tucking his phone away and watching Stark filter a few more questions.

“What’s it like serving with an openly gay superhero?” a reporter asked. It wasn’t meant to be malicious, but Bucky still winced.

Stark even seemed a bit caught off guard, considering he’d just been asked a question about HYDRA. Bucky watched the screen, tilting his head to rest it atop TJ’s, stroking his metal fingers lazily along the curve of his lover’s shoulder.

“I’ve always known Cap was gay. I mean, look at him!” That earned a few laughs from some of the reporters. “Guy wears tights!” More chuckles from the crowd. “So I guess my serious answer is that it’s not changed a damn thing. I’d gladly throw myself into the line of fire for that man and I know he’s always got my back. Gay, straight or into aliens, I don’t care. Cap’s good people and his coming out has put a lot of stress on him. I think we’ve beaten that news segment into oblivion, don’t you?”

“Well-fucking-said,” TJ uttered through a raspy voice. “Sometimes I forget he’s got such good friends.”

Bucky nodded, watching as the screen moved away from Stark and showed a few clips of the Avengers all dressed up and walking toward Buckingham Palace. His phone vibrated against his leg, tickling his knee. He swiped at the screen, looking at the message.

**Mission rly is going fine. How is TJ???**

Bucky looked over to TJ, letting his eyes scan over the man’s sullen, pale face, the red rims of his eyes and the shimmering sweat that clung to his hairline. He was suffering, but he was being so strong about it. It was inspiring, how strong TJ really was and yet he didn’t have a single ounce of faith in himself. Bucky pressed a kiss to his temple, earning a breathy giggle from his companion.

“You’ve such a sap,” TJ mumbled. “I love you.”

Bucky wasn’t sure he’d ever professed his love for Steve with the frequency he was admitting it to TJ. TJ deserved a different kind of love than Steve. Steve knew. There was an unshakable, undeniable bond between Steve and Bucky, but TJ needed the security and reassurance. Each time Bucky would say it, he’d see the man’s eyes shimmer, the curve of his lips twitch. Bucky would say it over and over for a thousand life times as long as TJ kept looking at him like that.

“I love you too,” Bucky said slowly, letting each syllable really roll from his tongue with the most pointed profession he could muster. “I love you entirely too much.”

TJ blushed, dropping his head into Bucky’s chest and plucking his phone away. “Steve texting you?” He swiped the password into the phone. Bucky wasn’t the least bit upset about it. He’d happily given his password to TJ. Bucky would do anything he could do to make sure TJ felt secure in this relationship.

“He’s asking how you’re feeling,” Bucky explained, watching as TJ was already pulling up the text.

“Can I respond?”

“Sure, baby,” Bucky replied softly, pressing another kiss to TJ’s clammy face. “You need me to get you anything? Cherry juice?” Bucky had read it was a natural detoxing agent for withdrawal.

“Please?” he responded, typing away at the touchscreen of Bucky’s phone.

Bucky uncurled himself from around TJ, feeling his side go cold from the loss of contact. He moved with long, pointed strides back over into the kitchen.

Doug was at the island, typing away at his phone.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted.

“Sup.”

Bucky winced. He hated modern slang. “Everything okay?” Bucky inquired as he pulled the cherry juice out of the refrigerator and snagged a glass from one of the cabinets with the fancy recess lighting that changed colors when someone messed with one of the switches on the wall. Bucky was utterly fascinated by modern technology.

“Oh yeah,” Doug responded, running a hand through his hair. “Just reporting TJ’s status to Mom. She’s so upset she’s not here with him.”

“Campaigning sucks, huh?” Bucky smirked. He brought the cherry juice to his lips, tasting it. It was tart and lacked sugar. He hated it, but TJ seemed to enjoy it.

“God, for real,” Doug sighed. “But she’s winning the polls, so, what can you do.” He shrugged. His phone pinged and he picked it back up, smiling softly. “She’s politely asked if you two have been having sex on the couch. Needs to know if she needs to replace it.”

Bucky laughed, completely surprised at how frank Elaine was. “Christ! No! No we’ve just stuck to the floor with Steve, apparently.”

Doug furrowed his brow, licking at his lips nervously. “Do you guys not… I mean when Steve’s not around… Actually! Fuck! This is my brother I’m talking about.”

Bucky smiled, amusement dancing within his irises. “We typically don’t have sex unless it’s all three of us. There are rare occasions though. And your discomfort is amusing.”

“Shut up,” Doug laughed. “I’m really glad though. That TJ’s got you both. I think it all makes sense, him needing more than one person.”

Bucky hummed, running a finger along the curve of the sink. “I never thought I’d be okay with sharing Steve. Back during the war with Peggy,” he paused, sighing heavily. “I was pretty upset. Knew Steve was gonna marry her and I’d be tossed away.”

Doug’s lips pressed into a tight line. He leaned forward, putting his phone aside. That was one of the things Bucky really liked about this family, how deeply they cared for the people they welcomed into their lives. Bucky had never felt more welcomed into a family, save for Sarah Rogers of course. “Would he really do that? _Toss_ you aside?”

Bucky poured out more cherry juice, realizing he’d sucked back a fair amount of it. “Times were different back then.” He ran the pad of his index finger along the mouth of the glass. “Inverts weren’t accepted and if someone beat one to death, no one cared. It made sense to let Steve go, even if I didn’t wanna.”

“Well,” Doug began heavily. “Looks like you never had to face that.”

Bucky smiled, his gaze flicking to the couch across the open floor planned room. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m glad Steve’s got such a big heart. Glad he let TJ come into mine.”

Doug laughed, snatching the cherry juice from Bucky and walking toward the couch. “TJ’s right, you really are a sap.”

\--

It was around 3AM. They’d long since gone to bed. Bucky had picked TJ off the couch, bridal style, and carried him up into their room. They lay facing each other, lazily offering soft kisses till they both fell asleep. When Bucky was startled awake, he looked to TJ, watching the man shake, seeing the sweat soaking his back and chest. TJ was gasping, clutching his chest and tears were streaming from his eyes.

“TJ!” Bucky exclaimed, leaning forward to wrap his hands carefully around the man’s shoulders. “TJ, what can I do?”

“Don’t,” TJ gasped. “Don’t leave me.”

Bucky’s brows pulled together, his mouth dropping open. Panic surged into his chest like a bullet, leaving him breathless and twitchy. “Baby,” he soothed. “I’m never leaving you. Never, ever.” He wrapped TJ into his arms, feeling the clammy man’s cold sweat. “We gotta get you outta these clothes.”

“N-no,” TJ answered, his voice cracking and trembling. “Please just don’t leave me.”

“Never,” Bucky replied. He pressed numerous kisses against TJ’s face, his hairline, and then his ears. “Never ever.”

TJ clutched him, wheezing and gulping. “Feel…I just need a line. I can’t do this. I can’t do this!”

“Yes you can, TJ,” Bucky responded calmly. “You’re so much stronger than this.”

“No!” he cried. “Fuck, no! I need a fuckin’ line. Just one. I can’t do this!” Tears poured from TJ’s eyes, along with his shame and uncertainty. “I’m on fire. I can’t get comfortable. Please don’t make me do this.”

Bucky’s heart was shattering. He briefly saw himself in TJ, only instead of being wrapped in loving arms, cold expressions surrounded him, strapping him to a table.

_The room was cold– damp. The yellow lights above barely penetrated the shadows, teasing the asset. Did he have a name? Was he…he was someone, right? He’d been someone._

_“He’s ready, Doctor,” a voice said. Wait, that wasn’t English. Why did the asset know it wasn’t English? Did he know English?_

_“Excellent,” a raspy voice replied. German? Swiss? How many languages did the asset know?_

_Bucky! Wait! His name was Bucky! He was part of the 107_ _ th _ _and Steve had rescued him and then he was a Howling Commando and oh God! Where…where was he?_

_The man got closer, Zola. This was Zola! Bucky fought at his restraints, crying out as pain surged into his veins, igniting him like a human torch. “There, there, Sergeant Barnes,” Zola cooed sinisterly. “Everything’s going to be perfectly okay.”_

_“No!” Bucky cried out. “No, please! Please don’t make me do this! Please don’t make me do this!”_

Bucky was shaking, staring at the wall with wild eyes as something pulled him forcibly from the memory. They’d started trying to mess with his memories back then. It was a long and arduous process, considering Zola couldn’t figure out how to make the memories stay away till he started performing botched lobotomies.

TJ’s trembling fingers brought Bucky back, forcing his eyes to look upon his face. His dry, cracked lips were parted, twitching like he wanted to say something.

Bucky felt a tear slip from his eye, felt TJ’s thumb move to catch it.

“I’m sorry,” TJ croaked. “I’m sorry.”

“TJ,” Bucky breathed out, squeezing the man in his arms to make sure he was actually there, to make sure no Swiss scientist had him strapped to a cold, metal table with a rubber mouth guard in his mouth; to make sure this wasn’t a dream. “You can do this.”

TJ whimpered, sniffling as tears continued to stream from his eyes. “Can’t stop hurting.”

“Want me to get you the gel again? Some Advil?” Bucky asked, finally feeling the fear of his torture slowly recede from him, washing away over his shoulders and slipping back into the base of his spine. It’d never leave him, but at least TJ was helping him pull out of it, even if he didn’t realize he was.

“Not strong enough,” TJ cried softly. “Not…please I just need a line.”

Bucky whined, his chest heaving as he watched one of his lovers suffer in his arms. He bit his lip, blinking through tears. “I don’t…I can’t.”

TJ nodded, sobbing into Bucky’s neck. “Gel’s fine,” he relinquished.

Bucky hated this. He felt like he was a HYDRA agent, standing before a man that they were slowly breaking down, whittling away into nothing more than a beating heart. He felt like his captors, forcing TJ through pain and watching from the sidelines of safety and comfort as TJ cried and begged for a release. Fuck, Bucky needed Steve. He needed someone to pull him out of this headspace. He felt…

He felt no better than HYDRA.

Bucky slid from the bed, panting heavily as he jogged down the stairs to grab the muscle relaxant. He stared at it, wide-eyed and anxious. He wasn’t HYDRA. HYDRA had utilized him for selfish gain, had tortured him, experimented on him… destroyed him. He wasn’t destroying TJ. He was trying to _save_ TJ. He was trying to pull TJ into a healthier life, a better life where he wasn’t consumed by the dire need of a drug to burn into his brain and destroy his senses. He wasn’t HYDRA.

“Fuck,” he breathed, clutching his chest. “Fuck…fuck…fuck…” He snatched his phone from the counter, taking it off the charger and punching in Steve’s number so fast he was actually surprised he heard the tone ring.

It rang a few times before Steve finally picked up. Bucky heard gunshots in the background. The sounds did nothing to help him calm down.

_The asset hid behind the wall, listening to his handlers force their targets back. Patiently, the asset looked around the corner, bringing up his gun and taking a perfect shot at a man between the eyes._

_“Nice!” a gruff voice praised. “STRIKE, let’s move!”_

_The asset followed, silent as a ghost, listening to the sounds of bullets penetrate the air around him, yet he felt untouchable. Pain didn’t matter. Pain brought order. A bullet to the arm didn’t matter. He’d still fight. Death was nothing to him when he was the very definition of a reaper._

_He shot again, taking down a woman this time. She’d been his target– an enemy of HYDRA. An enemy of him. The gunshots slowly stopped. He turned without a care, knowing what happened next._

_Ice. He was to return to ice._

Bucky whined, feeling hot tears stream from his eyes as he slipped down against the wall. “St-Steve,” he cried. “Steve!”

_“Bucky! Bucky, I’m here! What’s wrong? Is TJ okay?”_ More gunshots.

Bucky wheezed, choking back a sob. “I…I’m…I…”

_“Bucky, Bucky it’s okay. You’re okay. You’re okay, baby.”_ Steve’s voice was soothing as he repeated his words, over and over again. Bucky focused on them, feeling his heart lurching in his chest, striving to burrow out of his sternum and explode. Steve knew. Steve knew exactly what was happening because it had happened during the time they spent at the cabin before TJ came up. Bucky hadn’t had a bad day in months, but one was hitting him, rearing its ugly head like a creature out of a Stephen King novel.

He sobbed into the speaker, holding himself and rocking as he listened to Steve’s voice. The gunshots had stopped. _“You’re okay, Bucky. I’m with you. You’re okay, you’re safe. So safe.”_

Bucky felt like he was going to vomit. He allowed his body to tilt, falling to the floor and curling his arms around his knees as he cried, listening to Steve’s voice, smooth and reassuring; a blanket he desperately needed.

“I can’t do this,” Bucky professed brokenly, his voice going high and cracking. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”

_“Yes you can, Buck. You’re so strong. You’re so strong and you’re safe,”_ Steve spoke. _“Tell me what happened, baby. Talk to me.”_

Bucky hiccupped, trying to stifle his sobs as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. He leaned against the wall once more, his nervous gaze darting to the stairs to make sure TJ wasn’t trying to come down. He couldn’t see Bucky like this. Bucky had to be strong for him. “I’m– I was. TJ woke up. Shaking.” He took an uneven gulp of air. “Said things. I thought– I thought I was on the table again, Stevie. I was on the _table_ and– Steve, Steve don’t let them do this to me!” Bucky’s vision blurred, overpowering blackness greeted him, sounds of metal and hissing tools. “Stevie, I can’t do this!”

_“Bucky, listen to me! You. Are. Safe. You’re safe, baby! You’re not there.”_

“But you’re _not_ ,” Bucky wailed, his voice going pitchy as his throat swelled. “You’re not _here_!”

There was a long pause. At first, Bucky thought he’d been imagining Steve. He was on the table. The hissing was getting closer, Steve wasn’t real, no phone existed like the one Bucky thought he was holding! He dropped it, listening to it clatter as he tucked his head into his arms, sheltering his head from whatever was coming at him. He cowered, shivering violently as his toes ran cold.

“Don’t put me in the ice, don’t put me in the ice!” Bucky repeated in an urgent whisper, his voice strained. “Don’t…don’t take Steve away from me.”

Something reached out, touching his shoulder. He flinched. If he punched, they’d punish him. If he fought back they’d hurt him or worse, they’d hurt Steve! They said they’d do it. They promised not to hurt him if Bucky complied. Compliance was rewarded. Compliance kept Steve safe.

His ears roared, like water crashing around him. His skin was aflame and yet he was so, so cold. He wondered if they were putting him under again. It always started at his toes, freezing them numb before his chest even felt the pressure or his eyes the sting of the ice.

“Bucky!” someone shouted. “Bucky! It’s okay! Bucky, it’s me! It’s me, TJ! Bucky listen!”

Who was TJ? He’d never met a TJ before. Bucky wrapped his hands over his head, crying, curling his toes. “Don’t hurt Steve,” he pleaded. “Take my memories but don’t hurt Steve, please.”

“Bucky!” the person called again. He pulled his face up, clutching Bucky’s cheeks gently, running his thumbs over his cheekbones. HYDRA agents didn’t touch him like this. HYDRA agents weren’t _gentle_.

“Bucky, it’s TJ! You’re not with HYDRA, baby!”

Bucky blinked, his heart sputtering in his chest, brain grinding to a halt as pins and needles rushed about his skin. His eyes burned as he stared at the face above him, a face that was so like his own. “TJ?”

TJ smiled in relief, pulling Bucky into his chest and holding him there, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. “You’re okay, Bucky. It’s just me.”

The phone rang, blaring and urgent.

Bucky panted heavily, eyes frantically looking about the room, the dishes, the recess lighting that was slowly changing color, blue to green– the island where his ass once was as his lovers licked up and down his dick. TJ. TJ was here. Bucky wasn’t with HYDRA. “Oh my God,” Bucky breathed. “Oh my fucking God.”

TJ picked up the phone, his gaze locked on Bucky’s face. “Steve?”

Bucky shook his head, leaning back into the wall. His heart was beating quickly, but it wasn’t on the verge of an explosion anymore. His fingers shook from his frayed nerves but he was okay. This was Elaine’s home. He was safe. Steve said so.

“He’s calming down,” TJ observed. “What do I do?”

Bucky closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. TJ shouldn’t see him like this. He was suffering and in pain, yet Bucky was the one on the floor. He felt like he’d been drugged. His limbs were heavy and all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep.

“Bucky?” TJ asked. “Where are you?”

Bucky knew why he was asking– Steve was on the phone, telling him exactly what to say. “Your mom’s. I’m fine, TJ. S’over.”

TJ winced, cupping the phone against his face as he turned away. “Said he’s fine.”

Bucky looked to his metal arm, curling his fingers, opening them and curling them again. HYDRA tech. Vile. Inhuman.

“Steve says I need to get you wrapped in a blanket,” TJ said, his voice hedging on uncertainty.

Bucky gasped softly. TJ was afraid– afraid of him. Tears crept into Bucky’s eyes, smearing TJ’s round, fearful face from view. Bucky dropped his head, his hair curtaining around him like a protective shield. “I’m sorry, TJ,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to.”

TJ reached under Bucky’s hair, finding his chin and propping it up. “It’s okay,” TJ reassured. “Can we go back to bed now?”

Bucky didn’t want to move. Every bit of his flesh wanted to melt into the floor and waste away, embarrassed and annoyed. He wanted to disappear, erase this memory for life. He’d broken down and Steve hadn’t been there to help him through it. He’d broken down and TJ was afraid. “I’ll sleep down here,” he whispered. “Don’t trust myself.”

TJ gulped. His eyes looked so bloodshot, so spent. He was suffering and Bucky hadn’t been strong enough to keep it together. Despicable. “I don’t wanna be alone,” TJ finally said. “Please come up with me.”

He was still on the phone. Bucky was sure Steve was on the other end, still telling TJ what to say and do. Steve had gotten good at caring for Bucky after bad episodes. Bucky had been foolish to think these nights were past him. How foolish had he been to actually believe he’d finally left his demons behind?

He braced his back on the wall, using his feet to push up from under him to stand. He walked over to the sink, turning the cold water on and splashing his face.

“We’re going upstairs... I love you too… Goodnight.”

Bucky leaned over the sink, chewing his lips and rolling them into his mouth. He sighed heavily, looking down at the drain.

TJ came up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist, resting his head against a metal shoulder.

“You’re scared,” Bucky stated. He’d seen TJ’s eyes. He didn’t need to ask, but he needed to hear it.

“For you,” TJ explained. “Not _of_ you.”

Bucky closed his eyes, reaching down to cover one of TJ’s hands with his flesh one. He leaned back into TJ’s embrace, enjoying the warmth of his lover’s body. “I came down here to help you. Didn’t mean to make you get out of bed.”

“You were screaming,” TJ said, kissing the back of Bucky’s neck. “Wanted to make sure you were safe.” He pressed more kisses to the bone that jutted from the base of Bucky’s neck.

“What if HYDRA had attacked, or someone really was trying to kill me?” Bucky asked. He spun around in TJ’s embrace, looking down his nose at those big doe eyes. “You’d be killed.”

“I knew no one was inside, Bucky,” TJ groaned, mildly annoyed.

“You won’t always know,” Bucky matched, wincing. “We’ve gotta take into consideration that you’re dating Captain America and the Winter Soldier. So many people want me dead, TJ.” He pressed a kiss to TJ’s forehead, his lips lingering for a moment. “We gotta keep you safe.”

“I know who I’m dating,” TJ said, smiling. “Last time I checked, their names were Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers.”

Bucky smiled, sighing out his nose. He kissed TJ on the lips, nodding in acceptance. “Okay, smartass. Let’s go get you some Advil.”

“Please,” TJ breathed out.

\--

TJ’s stomach was flipping. His nerves seared like he’d been electrocuted and not even all the kisses in the world could quench his discomfort– and Bucky was trying. He was down at TJ’s hips, pressing wet kisses to the bone and running his lips over the Adonis lines that trailed to TJ’s groin. After the night where Bucky had what he described to TJ as a “bad night” TJ had wanted to do nothing but lie in bed with Bucky and hold him as much as Bucky wanted to hold TJ. It was almost a relief of sorts. Bucky wasn’t perfect and neither was TJ. Seeing Bucky so scared made TJ feel like he could do something. He wanted to do something; it was just hard when his very nerves felt like they were going to sizzle out of existence from the inside.

Bucky shifted, trailing his mouth up TJ’s stomach along the lines of his navel. His kisses were soft, like silk against TJ’s skin but they offered no comfort, no reprieve from the pain that raged within TJ. He looked up, catching TJ’s gaze and smirking before darting his tongue out to lick at TJ’s skin.

TJ just winced.

Bucky sighed, moving to the side and running his fingers up and down TJ’s stomach. “You look like I’m hurting you.”

“No!” TJ professed. “I just, I can’t get comfortable. Feels like my head isn’t screwed on right or something.”

“Want some more Gatorade? Got a whole other pack of the purple kind you love so much.” He smiled warmly brushing his lips over TJ’s navel, running his tongue around it before kissing.

“I just want you,” TJ admitted.

“Steve’ll be home soon,” Bucky mentioned. “Said he’d be here before I go public in a few days.”

TJ grabbed Bucky’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I just want you.”

It wasn’t that TJ was falling out of love for Steve. He loved Steve, but he was coming to love Bucky so much more than he thought possible. Coupled with Bucky’s need for TJ to center him at night, calm him down when he started to get this _look_ in his eyes and TJ actually felt that he was on the same playing field as Bucky– that he could actually help Bucky as much as Bucky helped him.

“I’m gonna go get you that Gatorade. You need to stay hydrated.” He moved to kiss TJ atop the forehead before darting from the room.

TJ’s heart squeezed. Had Bucky read between the lines of TJ’s words or had he thought something worse? Bucky loved Steve, probably even more than Bucky would ever love TJ. There was that bond that only impossible men could share there and TJ came to finally accept it. That didn’t stop him from worrying that his words were misunderstood. He loved Steve too.

But he didn’t know how to help Steve any more than he already had, and even that felt like it made matters worse. The news had finally died down about Steve’s sexuality; most likely due to him being with the Avengers on a mission. He was once again Captain America and no longer Steve Rogers: the raging homosexual who beat up guys outside Oprah’s set.

Bucky came back, opening the Gatorade and bringing it to TJ’s lips. “Here, baby.”

“I can hold the bottle, Bucky,” TJ protested through a smile.

“I know, but I like holding it for you,” Bucky responded, running his fingers gently through TJ’s hair. “Makes me feel important.”

TJ drank from the offered bottle, rolling his eyes. Once he had his fill, he pulled back, dropping his head back into the pillow and sighing. “I love Steve, you know.”

“I know,” Bucky answered simply.

“I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t. Cause of what I said.”

Bucky pulled his hair back into a low bun, some of the strands falling around his face. “I know what you meant, TJ, but Steve isn’t any less broken than either of us. We’ve all got shit to deal with.”

“No, I know,” TJ said, scooting up the headboard. He mashed his teeth together to hold back the painful moan that wanted to slip from his mouth. “Just after all those months of me trying to push you away, it’s nice to really spend time with just you. I got to spend a lot of time with just Steve. I just think we’ve got a lot more in common than we thought.”

“You mean aside from our love of tall blond men with shoulders the size of Texas?”

TJ snorted. “Yeah, aside from even that.”

Bucky tried to offer a smile but it was worn and weary. “Things are gonna change, TJ.”

TJ raised his brows, waiting patiently for Bucky to continue.

“After I’m out and alive. I’m gonna take you dancin’. Gonna buy you a house and hold both you and Steve in my arms as we cross the threshold.”

TJ smiled, his eyes glassing over at the thought of Bucky’s fantasies being reality. He held his arms out, suggesting for Bucky to fall into them.

Bucky pressed his head against TJ’s chest, breathing him in deep. “I swear I’m gonna make you so happy that you’re never gonna wanna see another drug a day in your life.”

TJ wrapped his arms tighter around Bucky, feeling tears prick his eyes. “I believe you,” he whispered out. “And I’m gonna make you so happy that you’re never gonna have another bad night as long as you live.”

They didn’t speak after that. TJ fell asleep with Bucky in his arms. His body ached and he’d kill a baby for a line of coke, but he forced the urge down, squashed it with his love for Steve and Bucky. He’d do anything for them, kicking his habit was evidence enough. It wasn’t easy to give up a drug that had become his life’s one way of escape. But he didn’t need that escape anymore. There was nothing to run from. He’d run into Steve Rogers and was then forced to run into Bucky Barnes.

It was high time TJ stopped running.

\--

Steve got home the day before Bucky was slated to be “unveiled” on live television with the President of the United States. He walked into the house still clad in his uniform, his hair smelling of ash, his forehead sporting a stitched up cut and the start of a beard.

TJ was in no shape to move so he just watched from the couch as Bucky ran into Steve, wrapping his arms around his blond lover and swinging him around. They laughed together, pressing urgent, sloppy kisses to each other’s lips. Bucky said something as he rubbed his hand over Steve’s beard, but TJ wasn’t sure what. He was sure they’d start fucking right there in front of Doug and Anne but Steve finally looked over to TJ. And when he did, TJ felt like something knocked all the wind out of him. Steve’s smile was radiant, lighting up his face like the sun peeking from behind a mountain range. His eyes shimmered like nothing else existed but TJ. TJ couldn’t breathe.

“I missed you,” Steve said, moving quickly to drop to his knees in front of TJ. He scooped TJ’s lips into his. His beard was soft, like little strands of cotton. TJ whimpered into the kiss, feeling his throat clench as a rush of relief crashed through him. Steve was home. He was alive and he was safe and he looked happier than he had in months.

“Missed you, too,” TJ mumbled against Steve’s lips. “Like your beard.”

Steve moved back, scratching at his beard, smirking. It was a few shades darker than his blond hair, more auburn than blond but it made him look dashing. TJ wasn’t opposed to it. “Didn’t have much time to shave. Got pinned down for a few days.”

“Is everything okay now?” Bucky asked as he sat down on the arm of the couch.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Steve said his face going taunt before he looked back to TJ. All traces of that worried look vanishing. “I got you something. Well, few things.”

TJ groaned, doing his best to lean forward. Bucky slipped down onto the couch, helping TJ up and pulling him into his lap. TJ was grateful for the heat of Bucky’s body, his flesh hand offering soft comfort as it rubbed at TJ’s back. He loved being in Bucky’s arms. He missed Steve’s arms, but Bucky’s offered TJ an indescribable amount of security. Bucky wasn’t afraid to do morally questionable acts, which to TJ, that also translated to Bucky not hesitating to kill anyone who tried to hurt TJ.

TJ had been hurt by paparazzi, politicians, boyfriends– it wasn’t like he wanted them dead, but if something got worse, if someone came after him to get to Steve or to Bucky, TJ knew Bucky wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. That brought him great comfort.

Steve brought over a few bags of presents, much to TJ’s playful dismay. He watched Steve set them all out in a line in front of Bucky and TJ. “I couldn’t decide, so I just got them all.”

“With what money? Avengers pay you?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. “Actually yeah. Tony and I worked out a contract. I’m officially on salary.”

“How much ya makin’?” Bucky asked, slipping his tongue along the corner of his mouth.

“Enough that you can even ask the military to pay you less,” Steve joked.

TJ looked over the gifts, his heart fluttering within him. He reached out a shaky hand, snatching up one of the presents and pulling out the tissue paper. “Steve!” he exclaimed, pulling out the brand new Rolex watch. Steve this isn’t even something I can’t get in the States!”

“I know,” Steve answered. He sat back on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees. “I just wanted to spoil you.”

Bucky rolled his eyes but he nudged another gift toward TJ.

“Christ, Steve,” TJ breathed out. “This watch is worth at least 10k. At least.”

“Just open your damn presents, TJ,” Steve spoke, flashing a pleased grin.

TJ groaned but he’d be insane to deny the happiness that was soaring through him. They’d never been the gift-giving sort before. Most of the time they were too busy worrying about their lives or staying hidden that it often went forgotten. Steve would purchase the odd bouquet of flowers, but this? This hadn’t happened before and TJ couldn’t deny the butterflies that were teasing his stomach from the elation.

He plucked up a small box, slipping a fingernail under the gift wrapping and cutting it open. “You’re a dope, you know that?” he lilted.

“I’m well aware,” Steve replied.

TJ opened the box, seeing a simple gold necklace with a small star and shield on it. He gasped, touching the pendants with reverence, his eyes going misty. “Steve…”

“They were selling these in London,” Steve explained. “I couldn’t pass it up, considering who you’re dating.”

TJ let the tears fall from his eyes. He wanted to fall into Steve’s arms and tell him how much he loved him, but the pain in his body and the way his skin felt like it wasn’t on just right gave him pause. He stared at Steve, his mouth sputtering.

“I love you too, Teej,” Steve laughed. “Now keep opening your presents. They’re not nearly as exciting as those two.”

The rest of the gifts were very stereotypical gifts, a teddy bear dressed up like one of the Queen’s guardsmen, a snow globe with Big Ben inside, Twinings Earl Grey tea and some Galaxy chocolate bars.

TJ was reduced to tears still from the sentiment. Steve had moved to the couch, wrapping his arms around TJ, pulling him close. Bucky was on the other side, pressing his head into the back of TJ’s shoulder and rubbing his hands up and down TJ’s trembling form. TJ had never felt such adoration before. He’d never known such dedication and loyalty. He’d been rotten to Bucky before and yet Bucky had been there this entire time, waiting on TJ hand and foot. He’d been doubtful of Steve and here he was, dropping thousands of dollars on TJ just to fulfill a stupid joke of a promise he’d made before he’d left for the mission.

TJ was sandwiched safely between the most loving and strong arms he’d ever know and he never wanted to remove himself. This was his family now. He had Doug, he had Anne and his mother and even his father but _this_ was the family he wanted to be part of. The family he would have never known except for the impossible circumstances that had brought them all together.

TJ could never be happier. It didn’t matter that he felt like he was dying and a line of coke sounded like the greatest idea in history. This triad was his life. This was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

TJ was happy. Unbelievably so.

\--

“What if they expect me to talk? What if I say something stupid? Am I supposed to talk? Holy _shit_ Steve,” Bucky blabbered as he grabbed Steve’s button down, pulling the fabric with his metal fingers. “What if they want a speech?!”

“Bucky!” Steve exclaimed, pulling his button down out from Bucky’s vice grip. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”

“I’m gonna puke,” Bucky admitted, his eyes wide. He tugged at his tie, loosening it up. “It’s hot in here. I’m hot. Anyone else hot?”

TJ laughed. He wasn’t feeling better per say, but he at least enjoyed food once more and his muscles didn’t feel like they’d soaked in a vat of acid. “You’re gonna be great Buck.”

Today was the day Bucky was revealed to be alive by President Ellis. Steve had only been home a few days and already things were being tossed back into the realm of chaos and drama. The news had been abuzz with speculation about this announcement Ellis had. Some people feared war, some feared a terrorist attack. It was mildly comedic to TJ how terrified the country was. Once they found out this was all just about some WWII guy still being alive, they’d probably laugh at themselves for the overreaction.

“I better get laid tonight,” Bucky grumbled, his gaze going from TJ to Steve.

TJ slid in front of Bucky, running his fingers up and down Bucky’s chest, feeling the muscles through the blazer and button down. “Tell you what,” TJ whispered. “You go out there and show ‘em how strong you are and I’ll let both of you fuck me tonight.”

Bucky laughed, nipping TJ’s nose. Steve’s mouth merely dropped open.

“At the same time,” TJ finished. He moved back, putting his arms behind his back, positively pleased with the frantic looks he was getting from his lovers.

“Y-you sure you’re up for that TJ? I mean, you’re still going through withdrawal,” Steve detailed. He shifted on his feet, licking at his lips.

“I’m not dying, Steve. I just sometimes feel a little sick. Most of it’s out of my system at this point.”

Bucky made a popping sound with his lips. He straightened out his tie and went over to the mirror to check his hair, slick back and in a small bun at the base of his head. “I’m game.”

TJ laughed. “Of course you are. Now go show the world you’re just as much a hero as Captain America.”

Bucky moved to place a quick peck on TJ’s cheek. He waved casually to Steve before heading out of the dressing room with one of the Secret Service.

“Well,” Steve said, sauntering over to TJ. “Now that I’ve got you alone.” He gently pressed TJ to the wall, running his nose over TJ’s neck.

“Mmm, this is cheating,” TJ mumbled. “We should wait for Bucky.”

Steve furrowed his brow, but he nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go grab our seats.” TJ wasn’t entirely sure, but Steve’s tone almost sounded rejected or defensive?

Together they walked through the walls of the White House, hand-in-hand; Steve’s questionable tone set aside. TJ hadn’t been here since his father was President. He could see his smaller self, running through the halls wildly with Doug on his heels. He’d been happy once here, till he found he liked boys, till his sexuality was exploited by Republicans, till the world seemed to analyze his every move.

“You okay?” Steve asked, giving TJ’s hand a quick squeeze.

“Yeah,” TJ answered. “Just remembering my life here. Feels like eons ago.”

Steve chuckled softly. “I’ll bet. Any secret hiding spots I should know about? Ya’know, in case we decide to grab Bucky for a little excitement.” The grin Steve offered was positively devilish.

“You’re a little shit,” TJ replied. “But I love you.”

Steve nuzzled against TJ’s cheek, pressing a soft kiss to the bone. “And I love you.”

TJ absent-mindedly played with the necklace around his throat, feeling the curve of the shield and the dull edges of the star pendant next to it; his supersoldiers.

They took their seats in one of the conference rooms. His father used this very room once to publically admit he did have a gay son. It was a shame that something like that mattered to the American public, but then again, look at how Steve had been strung up by the media until he was back in action with the Avengers and suddenly all was forgotten? TJ was sure Steve was relieved from the attention being diverted from him, but there was no doubt he’d not forgotten all that transpired.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the American public,” President Ellis began as he stood behind the podium. “We live in a strange time. A time of legends becoming reality, a time of superheroes and a time of war heroes thought dead, only to be proven wrong. The world is changing. We’re no longer the only ones out in the universe and we’re left sputtering to figure out how to deal with that. HYDRA took away SHIELD and thanks to Captain America, we were able to uncover that terrible organization among our politicians, our people and the very men and women who had sworn to protect us with their lives.” He paused, looking at the various cameras before him.

TJ shifted to lean his head against Steve’s shoulder, Steve moving to wrap an arm around him. Smiling, TJ nuzzled against his lover, enjoying the comfort his fingers brought as they absent-mindedly caressed TJ’s shoulder.

“However, today is not a day for concern. Today is a day for celebration. We’re all taught of Captain America and his best friend Sergeant James Barnes. We’re all taught that Sergeant Barnes died as a Commando. It’s come to light that isn’t the case. Similarly to Captain Rogers’ circumstance, Sergeant Barnes was preserved in ice after his fall. He was recovered and has been rehabilitated back into society. So today, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sergeant James Barnes back to the Land of the Free.”

Of course they’d altered it for Americans. No one would trust Bucky if they knew the truth of his preservation, of HYDRA. It was TJ’s mother that was able to hide the gruesome details from the people, but Bucky had to stand his tribunal and explain his side. Clearly, he’d won and clearly, the President of the United States felt it best to keep those dark secrets just as that– secrets.

The people in the room clapped, various reporters, politicians, military and Secret Service alike. TJ was startled to see that everyone began to stand. He joined Steve, standing and clapping proudly as Bucky walked across the stage, dressed in his military uniform, his chest decorated with new medals previously given in private. Even TJ hadn’t been allowed to attend that ceremony, just Steve and respective military personnel.

Bucky shook the president’s hand, smiling his million-dollar smile, his eyes shining as the light reflected off them. He looked so much more alive than he had the past few weeks. Maybe his bad nights were over now, but maybe they were just beginning. TJ wasn’t sure. He just knew he had to be there for Bucky now. Bucky would be exposed to the media, the paparazzi and fans alike. TJ knew that life could feel suffocating or oppressive. He’d do anything for Bucky to make this transition as smooth as possible, just as he’d tried with Steve. Hopefully this time, it wouldn’t backfire in his face.

“Uh,” Bucky began eloquently, leaning over the mic on the podium. He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “I was told I had to make a speech about…five minutes ago? So, forgive me if this is short and not really inspiring. I’ve never been able to make ‘em up like Steve.”

The room giggled. Steve just smiled proudly, his eyes glassy. TJ loved seeing Steve like this. The warmth and approval radiated off Steve like a space heater. His lips were molded into the most peaceful and pleased smile. All the suffering, all the uncertainty and the fights, it had all been building up to this and now TJ knew without a doubt that this had been the right decision. His boys were finally getting back on the paths they’d so long ago set forth on together. TJ couldn’t have been more delighted.

“So I’ll bet most of you are wonderin’ how I’m even standin’ right here right? Well, I don’t really got a smart explanation. ‘Cept I’m standin’ here and Zola pumped me with his own brand of Steve’s serum before I got rescued. Me n’ Steve have always been kind of connected, so it’s no wonder we met similar fates. I’m happy so serve the American people again and honestly, I’m just happy be to outta the ice.”

The room chuckled again. TJ hated how Bucky was being forced to lie, how he was forced to discredit the suffering and torture he’d endured. Everything he was now was because he _survived_. He’d been beaten, reduced to nothing and recreated. He’d been destroyed and undone, and he couldn’t even speak out against what happened to him. He couldn’t even call out his captors and tell them to run for their lives. But TJ couldn’t shake the feeling that all this was going to do would bring more harm than good. Bucky was now exposed. The world knew he was alive and HYDRA would be searching.

“Steve,” TJ whispered. “Why can’t they know about HYDRA?”

“Sh, TJ,” Steve replied. “We’ll talk later okay?”

TJ bit his lip, pouting as he watched Bucky shrug awkwardly on stage. This felt wrong.

“I’ll take your questions now. Sure you got plenty,” Bucky continued.

The room erupted into reporters calling for Bucky’s attention, their hands waggling above their heads.

Bucky blinked, taking a deep breath and pointing to one of them. He was doing so well for a man so terrified. If only he could’ve been honest. The world wouldn’t forgive him, but those who took the chance to really know, to really hear him? They would. They would believe him and they could learn from his torture, from his suffering. This was a mistake. This was all a mistake.

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m sure you’ve met TJ Hammond by now yes? What are your thoughts on his relationship with Captain Rogers?”

TJ winced. “Right out of the fucking gate,” he whispered. Steve lightly elbowed him.

“TJ’s a good kid. I’ve been technically dead for a while now. Not right to make Steve wait around for me.”

Another lie. TJ hated this. His throat clenched as he suppressed a whimper. Bucky’s eyes told him everything he needed to know. Bucky hated this too. He was only doing it to please Steve and thought it was the only way to move on with his life. There had to have been another way, TJ just didn’t know now.

“What do you remember before falling from the train?” another reporter asked.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. He took in a deep breath, his brows rising toward his hairline. “I remember fighting alongside Steve. Had his shield and a HYDRA agent shot at me, knocked me to the side of the train and then I fell. Don’t remember anything else except waking up in a new century.”

“This is bullshit, Steve,” TJ whispered. “They’re making him lie!”

“TJ!” Steve snapped under his breath. “We can discuss this at home, please?”

TJ crossed his arms over his chest, pouting obscenely.

“Now that you’re alive, what are your intentions with Captain Rogers?”

TJ rolled his eyes.

“I was his best friend first. I was happy to hand him over to Peggy Carter and I’m happy to hand him to TJ Hammond.”

TJ scoffed.

“I swear to God, TJ,” Steve whispered. “Please stop.”

“Are you going to team up with the Avengers now?” another reporter inquired.

It was then that TJ noticed Bucky’s metal hand had a glove covering it. He glared, his brow furrowing pointedly. Bucky had about as much say in this as he had with HYDRA. He should’ve been up there, telling his story in any detail he felt comfortable with. He should have been explaining how he knew better than anyone how cruel and wrong HYDRA was. How much he wanted revenge…

TJ would want revenge after all that.

“No,” Bucky responded, snapping TJ’s thoughts back to the present. “I’ll be working with the military again. I won’t be working with the Avengers.”

“Were you ever given the option?” the reporter shot back before Bucky could move on.

“Uh, no. But I’m proud to serve the American people again. I think the guy back in the back’s tryin’ to tell me I got time for one more question.” Bucky pointed to a woman with caramel skin.

“Sergeant Barnes, do you wonder if TJ Hammond’s physical appearance and yours isn’t something of coincidence? That perhaps there’s something more?”

Bucky’s lips parted silently. He looked over to TJ and Steve, offering a soft shrug. “I wonder all the damn time. I just don’t really care.”

President Ellis returned to the podium, offering some closing words and another welcome back to Bucky before the cameras stopped rolling and the lights went back to normal. Bucky had left before Ellis stopped speaking. TJ and Steve were heckled by the reporters but they managed to get away without having to answer any questions.

The entire revealing felt wrong to TJ. His tongue was bitter in his mouth, making him grimace as he walked down the halls with Steve to his left. Bucky had been reduced to a show pony and Steve had to know it. He was completely at the mercy of the American government now, just as he’d been completely at the mercy of HYDRA. Nothing had changed, just the hand that wielded the strings. TJ hated this. This had all been _all_ wrong.  

\--

Bucky didn’t talk much on the ride home, even if TJ was curled up into him and whispering dirty things into his ear. He’d been mostly stoic and only smirked to humor TJ, not because he really seemed like he enjoyed what TJ was saying. Steve had said he’d been so proud of Bucky about five hundred times, but each one was greeted with a tired smile and a shrug. TJ knew Bucky hadn’t been pleased with how everything occurred, or at least, that was his assumption.

Once home TJ hovered around Bucky like an unsure bee. He wanted to get closer, to wrap his arms around Bucky and pull him close. But the way Bucky was acting, tired and just…done, made TJ think twice. He sat at the island with Bucky, watching the man pour himself a glass of scotch.

“You okay, Buck?” TJ finally asked, feeling his heart twist.

Bucky nodded, sighing heavily. “Just weird. Nothin’ really feels different, cause…it’s not. I’m still hiding.”

Steve was leaning against the refrigerator, his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re not hiding though. You could walk down the street and tell the world who you are.”

“Yeah, but not who I’m dating. I got more questions about you two then I did about myself. Everyone expects some big drama story or me to be jealous of you two when,” he paused, taking a sip of his scotch. “When I’ve already got you both. So when’s that gonna come out, Steve? When’re we gonna tell the world about how we feel about each other?”

“Why do we have to?” Steve asked, moving from the fridge over to the island. He rested his palms against the granite, staring intently at Bucky. He looked so much more serious with his beard. “We know. Isn’t that all that matters?”

“You didn’t get me a necklace in London,” Bucky hissed, storming off.

TJ’s mouth dropped open. He stared, wide-eyed and completely upset with himself. Bucky had been fine with lying about why he was here. He’d been fine about hiding his torture and involvement with HYDRA. He hadn’t been fine with lying about his love for Steve _and_ TJ. “Oh my God,” TJ whispered. “Steve, we’re fucking idiots.”

Steve was already moving, taking the stairs two at a time and closing in on Bucky. TJ hesitated, looking at the stairs as the shock settled like dust startled by wind. He heard the muffled sounds of an argument. He knew he had to do something. It wasn’t fair that TJ was wearing this necklace and Bucky felt like he was the one getting annexed from the relationship. This was as much TJ’s fight as it was Steve’s and he needed to prove to Bucky that nothing was changing now.

He ran up the stairs, coughing as his tired lungs squeezed in his chest. Opening the door, he saw Steve and Bucky, their faces red and hands balled into fists. “Woah, woah! _Seriously_?” TJ yelled. “You’re gonna punch each other over this?”

Bucky backed down, but Steve’s shoulders were still broad and tense.

“We’re a triad. We’re not some fucking open relationship that ranks levels of importance. I love both of you. If I had to save one of you, well…” TJ hesitated, feeling his throat clench as his glands trembled. “I’d probably make sure I died with both of you.”

“TJ,” Steve hedged.

“No, Steve,” TJ snapped. “I love you both equally. Now I don’t know what’s in your heads but that’s how I feel. And we can either work through this like Bucky showed me how when I thought I was the one getting left behind, or we... we do, something. Shit, I don’t know. I can’t lose either of you.”

Bucky moved to TJ, wrapping his arms around him and tucking his chin against TJ’s shoulder. “Me either. I’m sorry. I just felt kind of left out.”

“He’s going through withdrawal,” Steve defended, still not looking like he was going to comply.

“And what am I goin’ through, Steve?” Bucky shot back. “Me gettin’ flashbacks and bein’ scared to sleep with TJ at night? That _nothin’_ to you?”

“You _know_ that’s not true!” Steve countered.

Bucky peeled himself from TJ, moving to stand eye-to-eye with Steve. “So you didn’t think? You just didn’t _remember_ me?”

“Oh that’s funny, coming from the fucking Winter Soldier.”

“Fuck you, Steve!” Bucky hissed.

“CAN WE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN?!” TJ screamed, his body trembling as pain cascaded through him like a vat of ice water being dumped atop his head.

The two men looked at him. Steve was breathing heavily and Bucky looked like he wanted to cry. TJ had been there. He’d known the way Bucky was feeling and he’d do anything to make sure it wasn’t going to happen again. He moved to Bucky, clasping his hands over his cheeks, smiling when Bucky folded his hands over his.

“You’re both stubborn and you’re gonna drive me insane.” He turned around, wedged between Bucky and Steve to keep them from coming to blows. “I know how he feels, Steve. And it’s okay. Instead of fighting about it can we just admit we’re doing something wrong?”

Steve rolled his neck, sighing heavily. He dropped into the chair, running his hands over his face. “Bucky,” he began. “I didn’t mean to forget you. I just was so scared for TJ.”

Bucky nodded, but TJ saw his jaw clench.

“I didn’t mean to forget you,” Steve whispered, sniffing. He dropped his face into his hands and let out a breathy sob.

TJ had never seen Bucky move so fast. He was on the floor, kneeling in front of Steve and whispering softly, pressing kisses to Steve’s hands and pulling him into his chest. Steve was crying, his shoulders trembling and in that moment he looked as tiny as the pictures showed him before the serum.

TJ dropped onto the bed, watching in some kind of horrified trance as Steve wailed into Bucky’s chest, apologizing over and over about how he’d forgotten. _I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean to! I swear!_ His fingers curled into Bucky’s shirt, stretching the fabric awkwardly but Bucky didn’t seem to care. He pet Steve’s hair, whispering words that TJ couldn’t hear, pressing kisses to Steve’s cheeks and wiping at his tears.

Sometimes TJ forgot how fragile Steve was. He was stubborn because he didn’t like change. He’d seen too much change too quickly. He was obstinate because he was scared. He’d been thrust into a life of burden, and while TJ was sure he’d never want to go back to the tiny man he used to be, it didn’t change how powerless he felt despite his size and all he could do now. At the end of the day, Steve was a man that responsibility was tossed upon and he was still running to catch up. Bucky had been his rock, the one thing he never felt he had to consciously remember because Bucky was _always there_. But now, things had changed. TJ had come into their lives and whether he wanted to admit it or not, he’d changed things between Steve and Bucky. He’d inserted himself _between_ them. He’d changed their relationship and Steve was _still_ running to catch up.

“I’ll go downstairs,” TJ whispered, feeling guilty for having been the reason this was all happening.

He felt someone reach out to snatch his wrist. Both Steve and Bucky had their hands on him, Steve’s around his wrist and Bucky’s on his forearm.

“But–”

“You’re stayin’, TJ,” Bucky replied. “You said if I did a good job we’d get to fuck you together.”

TJ’s mouth dropped open, his eyes going wide as a doe’s. “But I thought–”

“Well you thought wrong,” Bucky countered, shrugging shamelessly. “I think it’s appropriate. We seem to use sex to solve all our problems.”

Steve laughed, dropping his face into Bucky’s chest. Bucky ran his hand over Steve’s head, petting him like a puppy behind the ears. “Mmmm,” Steve purred. “Feels nice.”

“Do you wanna make love to TJ with me, Stevie?” Bucky asked, still looking at TJ.

“Mmmyeaaaah,” Steve slurred together approvingly.

TJ bit his bottom lip, shaking his head at the pair before him. “You two have the weirdest mood swings I’ve ever experienced in my life. And I used to be the king of those.”

“Oh I fondly remember,” Bucky sang. “I spent more time walking around like I could hit a land mine with you versus Nazi Germany.”

TJ’s lips curled into a smile, but he shrugged shamelessly. “Well, if you two wanna fuck me then you sure as hell better prepare me.” He dropped onto the bed, watching them with mischief sparkling in his eyes. “Don’t think I’m gonna do it for you.”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other, their eyes speaking silently in a language TJ never would learn. Steve’s eyes were still a bit red and red tear stains lined his face, but otherwise he looked happier than just a few minutes ago.

Bucky stood up, jerking his head in TJ’s direction and holding a hand out to Steve. “C’mere, baby. Help me get this pretty boy all ready for you n’ me.”

Steve stood up, taking Bucky’s hand and tugging him into his arms. Their lips crashed together, arms coiling around each other so tightly that TJ wasn’t sure where each body ended or began.

TJ took the moment to undo his pants, slipping them off and tugging at his socks before finally pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it at his lovers.

“Hey!” Steve protested, the shirt clinging to his bearded face. “Rude!”

TJ laughed, tucking his knees up against his chest.

Steve dropped the shirt, smiling approvingly at TJ. “You look so pretty, TJ,” he professed. “Wanna kiss you all over.”

TJ raised a brow to Bucky, waiting to see if he’d follow up with anything. Instead of words though, Bucky was moving toward TJ, crawling over the bed like a lion and pressing soft kisses to TJ’s shoulders.

Steve followed suit on the other side, starting at TJ’s shoulders, then to his biceps, forearms, and fingers. Together, Steve and Bucky pulled at TJ’s ankles, forcing him to expose his naked body. Bucky’s metal hand went to caress against TJ’s inner thigh, just a cold single streak of a finger to send a chill down TJ’s spine.

Steve pushed TJ back into the pillows, pressing kiss after kiss against his lips, flirting with TJ’s tongue.

Bucky was kissing at TJ’s throat, moving to nibble at his collarbone. He ran his metal fingers up and down TJ’s chest, making the muscles of TJ’s stomach clench beneath the cold.

“You really okay with this?” Steve asked, nipping at TJ’s ear.

“I told you about the time I had three dicks in my ass right?”

Steve winced. “I don’t ever wanna really hear about that.” He pressed another kiss to TJ’s lips. “But if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure I’m sure,” TJ answered, kissing the tip of Steve’s nose. “It’ll be good for you two.”

Steve cocked a brow but said nothing more on it. He moved down with Bucky on TJ’s right side, kissing down his clavicle to a pink hardening nipple. He swirled his tongue over it, making TJ gasp and toss his head back.

TJ was enjoying this. His lovers’ lips were soft and warm, Bucky’s metal fingers cool but warming up steadily as it explored his body, running along his thighs and barely brushing his balls. TJ had wedged himself between Steve and Bucky, and it had never been intentional, but it’d occurred. He’d never realized it before Bucky pointed it out, but sex often solved their issues, whether it be just casually spending intimate time together or allowing them to silently work something out without having to really speak about it. TJ wasn’t sure if it was exactly healthy or not, but it seemed to work so far. Maybe he’d address that situation on another day. His cock was hard and throbbing and he wanted nothing more than to be filled by both his supersoldiers at the same time.

TJ opened his legs, casually rocking his hips up to see if anyone would take notice. He watched through hooded eyes as Bucky’s metal fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, just holding it. “Ah fuck,” TJ breathed, shivering from the chill those fingers brought. “S’cold.”

Bucky nibbled at one of TJ’s nipples, sucking away the pain when TJ would start to jerk away slightly. “It’ll warm up,” he mumbled against the nipple before flicking his tongue out against it a few times.

Steve was still trailing kisses over every inch of skin he could find on TJ’s left side. His hands were busy balancing himself up, but his lips trailed along TJ’s sides, glazing over the most ticklish spots, pulling soft giggles from the man.

Bucky’s hand pumped at TJ once, casually palming over the head before resting back at the base. TJ gasped before his lips were swept up into Steve’s mouth. Steve’s fingers trailed along his sternum now, moving to slip over TJ’s chest and to finger at a nipple.

“St-Steve,” TJ whispered. “Get Bucky to move.”

“Ha, not on your life, kid,” Bucky replied. He moved up to brush his nose against both Steve and TJ.

TJ had never kissed them both at the same time before. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it right but at that moment it had made complete sense. He wasn’t sure where Bucky’s lips began or Steve’s tongue ended. He just knew they were both so close to him and he could feel the warmth of their chests against him, could feel Steve’s heart beating against his hand as TJ swirled his fingers lightly over Steve’s breast.

Bucky pulled back first, trailing wet, sloppy kisses down TJ’s neck, sucking hard at the skin to leave bruises. Steve, on the other side was gentler, he nibbled gently but always swirled his tongue out to sooth away the pain.

TJ moaned softly, reaching his hands up to run his fingers though both Steve and Bucky’s hair. He jerked his hips once, but Bucky’s metal hand didn’t budge. “Bucky,” TJ whined. “Please just a little bit.”

“Hmm,” Bucky hummed, trailing kisses over TJ’s chest and sucking the skin loudly. “Just a few.”

Bucky rolled over, reaching into the bedside stand and grabbing a bottle of lube. He squirted the slick into his metal hand and brought it back between TJ’s legs.

TJ gasped as Bucky’s hand wrapped around him, fingers hard and slightly cool but so smooth that with the lube, they slid up and down him effortlessly. He rolled into Bucky’s hand, moaning unabashed as Steve’s lips trailed down his side again to suck lightly at his hips.

“Wanna start working you open, Teej,” Steve breathed against TJ’s hip. He darted his tongue out to lap at the bone.

TJ looked at Steve though blissfully-content, heavy-lidded eyes. He nodded to Steve, spreading his legs while Bucky shifted to get between them.

Bucky used his metal fingers to pump at TJ’s base, but he darted his tongue out along TJ’s tip, tickling at the slit playfully.

“Bucky!” TJ gasped. “Oh, please, _please_ more, Buck. Don’t fuck with me.”

Bucky laughed, his breath hot over TJ’s erection. “Oh we’re gonna fuck with you.”

TJ whimpered, watching Steve squeeze some lube onto his fingers, coating them nicely. He bit his lower lip as he felt Bucky’s tongue swirl lazily at the head of his cock. “Ah fuck, I hate you both.”

“Sure,” Steve humored. He walked on his knees over to TJ, pushing up one of his legs so he could scoot behind it and wrap one arm around the leg while he brought his slicked up hand near TJ’s asshole.

“Oh fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” TJ whined, pressing his hips down in a desperate attempt to get Steve’s fingers inside him. Bucky’s hand wasn’t moving, just holding his cock and squeezing it lightly every now and then, his tongue occasionally teasing the head of his cock. This wasn’t fair. TJ needed more. “ _Please_ , Steve, please fuck me with your _God_ damned fingers, please just _shove_ ‘em!”

“Someone’s impatient,” Bucky analyzed, looking at Steve with a shrug.

Steve’s brows flicked up once, but all he did was swirl his fingers slowly around TJ’s hole.

“Steve, please!” TJ cried out, rocking his hips down into the mattress. “Please don’t fuck with me. Can’t take it.”

Bucky hummed, wrapping his lips around TJ’s dick and swirling his tongue around it once. He steadily bobbed his head, taking more of TJ into his mouth each time with little sucking sounds escaping his mouth.

TJ moaned loudly, thrusting up, but Steve’s hands held him down. “We’re gonna take care of you, Teej,” Steve said evenly. “Just be patient, okay?”

TJ whimpered, the heat in his loins rolling through him, plaguing him with a desire for maddeningly quick sensations but his mind wanted to enjoy this. He liked the sight of Steve and Bucky over him, doting upon him and teasing till he was on the verge of tears. He liked feeling every nerve crying out to be loved, adored and taken care of. But he also wanted to feel _good_.

Steve reached under Bucky, moving his arm carefully around the man as he continued to suck at TJ’s cockhead. He brought his fingers up to TJ’s hole, swirling them at the entrance lightly.

“Ah, fuck,” TJ whispered, his eyes fluttering shut. “Please, Stevie. Wanna get your whole hand in me.”

“Whole hand?” Steve echoed, humoring TJ. “Think you can?”

“You can,” TJ answered. “Saw it. With…ah! Fuck. Saw it with Bucky.”

Bucky laughed around TJ’s cock, looking up at him through a blanket of brown hair. He dropped TJ’s dick wetly, giving his balls a squeeze before moving lower, kissing Steve’s slicked up fingers and sucking on them.

TJ whined, watching Bucky looking up at Steve, giving him those eyes where he was having a full conversation without saying anything at all. Steve smiled and pulled back, rolling off the bed, tossing his shirt over his shoulders and dropping his pants. He was clad in his briefs, his erection pressing up against the waistband and _Christ_ , did he ever look beautiful with his chest lightly flushed and his face so serene and calm. TJ loved when he looked like that, like he knew exactly what to do or say to make TJ feel just right.

Bucky flicked his tongue out over TJ’s hole, causing TJ to tense in surprise. He looked back down, watching Bucky before he felt Steve’s fingers turning his chin gently.

“Eyes on me, TJ,” Steve cooed. “Watch me, okay?”

TJ nodded, gasping softly when Bucky’s tongue swirled around his entrance again; arms hooking beneath his knees.

Steve licked at his lips slowly, using his slicked up hand to place a shiny streak down his sternum. He dropped his head back like the sensation was much more pleasurably than it probably was but _God_ , to TJ that didn’t matter. He was a fucking work of _art_ and TJ wanted to watch this all day.

Bucky sucked at TJ’s hole, tugging at the rim with loud sucking sounds. TJ clenched his jaw shut to keep from screaming. They were teasing him, teasing him so badly and he couldn’t do anything but watch.

“B-Bucky said,” TJ rasped out. “Bucky said you used to like wax play.”

Steve’s brows shot up, but his fingers trailed down to his hips, coating them with shiny slick. “Yeah, liked it here.” He moved the pads of his fingers down along his Adonis lines, then trailed over his erection. TJ gasped as he saw goosebumps rise on Steve’s peach skin. “And here,” he whispered, running his fingers along the inside of his thigh. “Liked how warm it was.” He brought his fingers to his waistband, his ocean blue gaze flicking to Bucky for a moment.

TJ’s gaze instinctively followed.

“Keep your eyes on me, TJ,” Steve commanded gently. “You watch him and he’ll stop.”

Bucky hummed against TJ’s hole, poking just the tip of his tongue inside before pulling it back to swirl around the entrance, wet and sloppy.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” TJ whimpered, feeling his limbs shake as Bucky grabbed at his dick again with those _deliciously_ slicked up metal fingers, giving it a few lazy pumps before just holding it again.

TJ gulped, staring at Steve with pleading eyes. “Wanna try,” he whispered.

“Wanna try what, baby?” Steve asked, running the pads of his fingers beneath his waistband, looking like he would drop his briefs at any moment but never doing so. TJ’s gaze went to the line of his cock, licking his lips wanting that beautiful dick in his mouth.

“Wax,” TJ responded distantly, his gaze transfixed on Steve’s wandering fingers as they trailed up to his navel, spreading out along his abs and running from side to side lazily, patiently.

Steve chuckled turning around and rolling his shoulders to make his back muscles ripple slowly. He looked over his shoulder at TJ, his smirk salacious. “We’ve got candles.”

TJ yelped when he felt Bucky’s tongue finally plunge into him, pressing against his insides and hooking to pop out. “Get em! Please, I wanna try it.”

Bucky gave TJ’s cock a light squeeze, his tongue pressing flatly against his entrance, slicking up both Bucky’s chin and TJ’s ass cheeks. He slipped his tongue back inside TJ, pressing it forcefully against him, working open his twitching muscles.

“Oh _God_ ,” TJ moaned loudly, unsure if Doug and Anne could hear but completely uncaring.  He wanted to push his legs out, to stretch them as far as they could and wrap them around Bucky’s head but Bucky’s arms were still hooked under his knees to hold them against him. TJ’s back clenched, spine bowing as Bucky’s tongue moved deeper in him, slicking up his body and getting him so _wet_ for both Steve and Bucky’s cocks.

_Shit_ , the very thought of it pooled warmth in his stomach. He looked over to Steve as he came back into the room, his gaze going to Steve’s erection. “Steve?”

“Yeah, Teej?” Steve responded distantly, like he didn’t care, but TJ knew better. He knew he cared _too_ much and that this was just all a fun game.

“Can I suck your cock?”

Steve laughed, looking down at his erection as he held up a lighter and candle. “Not yet, baby. You wanted to try this first right?”

TJ nodded eagerly, swirling his hips against Bucky’s tongue as it ran along his rim before slipping inside with ease.

“Do you care if I sit on him?” Steve asked, looking down to Bucky.

Bucky pulled back, wiping saliva off his shiny chin as he shook his head. “No, just don’t lean back.”

Steve was about to get onto the bed when Bucky pulled back quickly. “Hey wait!”

Steve cocked a brow.

“Get me a hair tie please? Keeps getting in the way.”

TJ swiveled his hips, trying to get Bucky’s attention without outright saying anything.

Bucky looked down, smirking as he pumped his metal fingers slowly up and down TJ’s length, his thumb tucking beneath the cockhead to caress it teasingly.

“Mmm, Bucky that feels good,” TJ purred, rocking his hips up to keep Bucky’s thumb there.

“You like what we’re doing, TJ?” Bucky asked, kissing TJ’s hips loudly.

TJ nodded, a blissful smile on his face. “Wanna try a lot of things you n’ Steve used to do.”

Steve laughed, rolling his eyes. “Dunno if you could handle all of it.”

“Try me!” TJ shot back, an unspoken challenge sparkling in his determined eyes.

“I used to tie Steve’s hands to his ankles behind his back and make him fuck himself into the mattress. Wanna really do that?”

TJ’s brow furrowed. “What’d you get out of it?”

Bucky shrugged. “Fingered him till he came. It was just fun seeing him all tied up.”

“I think out of all the things people can learn about you two, the fact that you had kinkier sex than most people alive today is saying something,” TJ commented, his eyes momentarily clearing as he watched Bucky put his hair up quickly.

Steve laughed, swinging a leg over TJ, letting his ass gently press into his cock.

“Steve!” TJ gasped, bucking up to greedily take whatever pleasure Steve’s tight ass could give him.

Steve sat up, hovering over TJ’s navel. “Ah-ah,” Steve chastised. “You wanna play this with me, you gotta be still.”

TJ cried pathetically, but he relaxed himself feeling Bucky slip between his legs again to suck at his loosening hole.

“ _God_ , Bucky,” TJ whispered. “Feels good.”

Bucky hummed in response, his tongue slipping into TJ to swirl around a few times.

TJ struggled to keep his eyes open. He struggled more to keep from swiveling his hips into Bucky’s face as he continued to eat him out.

Steve lit the candle, sitting back on TJ’s dick, purposefully slipping his ass up and down the length.

TJ shivered, clenching his leg muscles but he didn’t dare buck up or move. His toes were the only things he couldn’t control as they stretched and curled from the pleasure Bucky was giving him.

The flame worked quickly, loosening the wax till it started to slump sideways. Steve turned the candle to the side, letting a drop of wax slip down along the shaft of the candle before finally dropping to TJ’s hip.

TJ gasped, clenching his stomach muscles as the heat cooled quickly against his hips. There were so many sensations he felt like he was going to fizzle out. Bucky’s tongue continued to work his hole, coating it with a thick layer of saliva, Steve’s ass teased his dick, swirling lazily atop it, brushing the cotton of his briefs and the wax, holy shit the wax was the best part. It stung at first contact but quickly turned to the most comfortable warmth.

“I like this,” TJ stated, his gaze locked on Steve’s face as he rolled his body down on TJ’s cock. “Ah…fuck…St-Steve.”

“You’re doin’ good, Teej,” Steve praised, holding the candle closer so the drop of wax didn’t have as much time to cool in the air this time.

TJ hissed as a few drops hit his hips. It was more intense this time and he fought with all his might to keep from arching his back. He felt Bucky pull away. He looked around Steve, trying to see what Bucky was doing.

“Keep your eyes on me, TJ,” Steve instructed. “Remember, only me.”

“Only you,” TJ echoed, his eyes misty as the sting from the wax kept dropping in uneven rhythms, the heat building more and more before it had a chance to cool. “Shit, Steve it hurts.”

“Tell me if you want it to stop,” Steve answered.

“Other hip,” TJ rushed out. “Other hip, do the other hip.”

Steve moved the candle, catching a drop that would’ve hit TJ’s navel had Steve’s hand not cupped against it. He tilted the candle over the other hip now, letting several drops hit TJ all at once.

“Oh fuck!” he cried out. “Hot.”

“I can stop,” responded Steve. “Just tell me when.”

“No,” TJ replied. “You used to do this.”

Steve smiled warmly, rubbing his ass up and down against TJ’s dick.

TJ gasped, clutching the bedsheets as more wax continued to drip onto his hip, building up a little pool and cooling to a hard shell against it. He finally felt Bucky return between his legs, something cold slipping up into his hole. “Is Bucky fingering me?” TJ asked, wincing as another drop hit his hip.

Steve turned to look over his shoulder, the candle no longer over TJ’s hip but the bedsheets, accidently dropping a few over them. “Yes, baby. You want him to?”

TJ nodded. “You got wax on the blankets.”

Steve laughed, looking over at the red wax that cooled against the sheets. “Shit.”

“We can change them later,” Bucky said, peeling off some of the cooled wax on the other hip with his flesh fingers. Once it was removed, he tossed the hardened shell onto a dresser before pressing his lips to the red skin revealed. “Skin’s so soft, TJ,” he purred. “Wanna kiss this spot all night.”

TJ giggled, wincing as more wax hit his other hip. “Wax makes people softer, right?”

Bucky nodded. He slipped his fingers deeper into TJ, curling over his prostate slowly.

“Fuck! Bucky! Fuck!” TJ gasped, bucking violently, actually taking Steve by surprise.

“TJ!” Steve exclaimed, steadying himself. “Want me to set the bed on fire?”

“N-no,” TJ answered sheepishly.

“Wanna stop this so you can enjoy Bucky’s fingers?”

TJ nodded, feeling slightly disappointed when Steve blew the candle out.

“We can do it again TJ, maybe when you don’t have to focus on anything but the wax,” Steve replied, running his fingers along TJ’s jawline. “You did good though, baby.”

TJ preened innocently, his eyes slipping closed as Bucky pumped his fingers, slipping a third in with ease. He swirled them inside, making little wet noises as he pumped them back and forth.

Steve climbed off of TJ, putting the candle down into over a dresser before moving back over to TJ. He traced his fingers around the shell of wax over TJ’s hip before slipping a nail beneath it and popping it off with ease. “Skin is smooth,” Steve evaluated, running the pads of his fingers along the bone.

TJ was struggling to keep his eyes open. Bucky’s metal fingers were glazing over his prostate with each thrust. They were cooler than regular fingers but warm enough from TJ’s body but his favorite part was how _dense_ they felt inside him, like if Bucky wasn’t careful he could rip TJ apart like a knife through butter. But he knew Bucky would always be careful with him, and that just made the experience that much greater.

“Steve,” TJ whined, pitchy and needy. “Want your dick in my mouth.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but he looked over at Bucky for approval. When Bucky nodded, he moved over to TJ’s head, helping him lean forward after having been on his back for so long.

TJ balanced back on his elbows, slipping his tongue out to trace it along the tip of Steve’s cock, he hummed in excitement as he noticed the small amount of cooled precome that had collected there. TJ swirled his tongue along his lips, getting them nice and wet before wrapping them around the tip of Steve’s cock.

Steve sighed in content, putting a hand at the back of TJ’s head and curling his fingers into TJ’s hair.

TJ bobbed his head softly, careful not to hit his teeth against Steve’s thick cock in his mouth. He pumped his hips back against Bucky’s fingers, moaning around the dick in his mouth.

“Ah…fuck, TJ,” Steve whispered.

TJ pulled back, kissing the tip of Steve’s dick loudly with wet, sloppy kisses. He looked up, gaze searching for approval. Steve gave him an encouraging nod, pushing his dick a bit further into TJ’s mouth.

TJ’s tongue swirled along it, rubbing up against the underside to playfully lick under the tip a few times. He sucked Steve into his mouth, feeling saliva dribble down his chin. He wanted to take Steve so deep in him, show him how good he could be for both him and Bucky. His throat clenched around Steve, but he held it there till his eyes watered and he had to pull back, smiling when a strand of saliva caught the light in the room.

Bucky put his pinky inside TJ, making him moan long and loud around Steve’s cock. He reached up, grabbing one of Steve’s hips to steady himself. His legs were still trembling, getting worse each time that Bucky pushed a bit further inside, tickling his fingers against his prostate slowly, effortlessly.

He pushed down on Bucky’s fingers when he felt his tongue playing around his hole too, fingers still inside, pumping in and out, spreading wide and stretching him as much as they could. One of the edges of the plates caught his rim. He yelped, pulling back from Steve’s dick abruptly.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky called out, looking up with wide panicked eyes. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay,” TJ reassured. “Just startled me.”

“I can stop, go back to my tongue,” Bucky continued.

“Bucky!” TJ shouted though a smile. “Keep those metal fingers in me.”

Bucky smiled nervously, still clearly feeling guilty about the accident. TJ liked that. No matter how bossy these two could get with him, the smallest hiccup and they’d be groveling at his feet and making sure everything was okay.

Steve even cupped his cheek, running his thumb lightly over TJ’s swollen lips. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m not made of glass, Steve,” TJ replied. “Give me back your dick.”

Steve laughed, but he didn’t put up a fight as TJ guided his length back into his mouth, sucking loudly around it, lapping his tongue against the underside. He leaned back on his elbows again, moaning softly when Bucky’s fingers brushed up against his prostate. He lapped up the tip of Steve’s cock, tip of his tongue playing with the slit.

Steve shivered, reaching out to the bedpost to steady himself. “Fuck…fuck TJ, I love when you do that.”

TJ smiled, looking up with shimmering eyes as he sucked Steve deep into his throat, his muscles gagging around him. He worked up and down Steve’s cock, his tongue flicking out to trace along the veins that expanded beneath the skin. He wrapped his fingers around Steve’s base, flicking his tongue out to lap at the underside.

Steve pulled back, biting down hard on his lip till it flashed white.

“Hey!” TJ protested. “Wasn’t done.”

“Was gonna come if you kept that up,” Steve admitted. “Don’t want to yet, baby.”

TJ sighed, watching as Steve’s reddening cock got further from his reach as he went down to Bucky, pushing the man’s hips up to get his hands under to stroke at his cock.

Bucky dropped his head into TJ’s hip, moaning as Steve’s fingers curled around his cock, pumping steadily. “Ah fuck doll baby, just like that.”

Steve pressed tiny kisses into Bucky’s metal shoulder. TJ knew that Bucky couldn’t feel it, but he also knew Steve’s ulterior motive. Bucky was insecure. Hell, they were all insecure. Steve kissing that shoulder like it was just part of Bucky’s body was his silent way of saying that everything Bucky was now was completely okay. From the way Bucky smiled, he clearly knew what Steve was doing.

TJ pushed his hips down, taking more of Bucky’s fingers into his hole. “Thumb,” TJ mumbled. “I can take…your…ah…your thumb.”

Bucky groaned as Steve’s fingers still worked around his cock, but he listened to TJ, pulling his fingers back to line all five digits up and slip inside.

TJ gasped, feeling his hole stretch further, the muscles clenching and relaxing as Bucky’s metal fingers pushed inside him, turning from side to side, working him open. He looked up, watching Steve’s hand pump over Bucky’s cock. Smiling, he dropped his head back onto the pillows, staring up at the ceiling fan that offered no relief of air for his sweaty body. He dropped his legs to the side, relieving some of the pressure at the base of his spine. “I want your dicks now.”

“You sure?” Steve’s response was almost automatic.

TJ nodded, biting his lip seductively as he swirled his hips. “Taking your fingers easily, aren’t I?” he asked, looking at Bucky with challenging eyes.

Bucky sighed, but he flicked his brows, nodding. “He’s good, Steve.”

Steve nodded, shying back and dropping his hands into his lap.

“You okay?” TJ asked, pulling his legs up under him and crawling over to Steve. He was a bit wobbly, but he managed on his shaking limbs.

“Just a little nervous,” Steve admitted. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Says the guy who just dripped candle wax on me. You got an authority kink, Rogers?” TJ teased.

Bucky barked out a laugh.

TJ’s brows shot up his forehead as a smile spread on his open lips. “You do, don’t you!”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Candle wax can’t really hurt you. This is different.”

“I’ve done this before, Steve,” TJ reminded. “I’m fine.” Truth be told, he was more than fine. He was sweaty, still slightly shaky from Bucky’s pretty metal fingers and tongue but he was perfectly open now. He could feel how loose he was, could feel all the saliva and slick that coated up inside him from how diligently Bucky worked him open. He wanted to be filled with both of them. Wanted to know what they felt like pressed up inside, slipping against each other and fucking him into the mattress.

Steve nodded, offering a warm smile, but TJ could still tell he was nervous.

TJ pulled Steve atop him, catching his lips and slipping his tongue along his bottom lip before nibbling it playfully. Steve laughed into the kiss but he pushed his cock against TJ’s ass, groaning at the friction. “It’s gonna be okay,” TJ soothed. “You can’t hurt me.”

Steve dropped his face into TJ’s shoulder’ Yeah, you’re right.” He kissed up his face, nipping at his nose before pressing a quick kiss atop his lips. “You’re tougher than you look.”

“I want you on top of me,” TJ stated. “And I wanna sit on you, Bucky.”

Bucky nodded, grabbing the lube and jerking with his head for Steve to come over to him.

TJ stroked at his cock for a second, watching as Steve and Bucky applied thick globs of lube atop their cocks. He smiled happily, proud that not even for a second did anyone think about a condom. They never used them anyway and it only reaffirmed to TJ that he’d be the only other one they had sex with for the rest of their lives.

Bucky sat on the bed, laughing when TJ pounced on him and pushed him down to lie flat. “Who’s got the authority kink now?”

“I like being bossy sometimes,” TJ teased, kissing Bucky quickly before facing Steve and lining Bucky’s cock up beneath him. He slipped over it easily, shivering as Bucky’s thick cock filled him up nicely, but not all the way. He was too open from getting fisted by cold, metal fingers. He bobbed up and down Bucky’s length, smiling in approval when the man beneath would groan or buck his hips up for more.

After swirling his hips around a few times, building that delicious heat in his stomach, TJ reached a hand out to Steve. “C’mere, baby.”

Steve walked over on his knees. He straddled one of Bucky’s legs to get between TJ’s.

TJ wrapped his legs around Steve’s middle, hooking his ankles for support. “I want you in me now. Can’t wait anymore.”

Steve bit his lip, but he looked down, furrowing his brow.

“It ain’t rocket science, Steve,” Bucky teased, flashing a wolf’s grin at his blond lover.

“I’ve never done this before, give me a fuckin’ second,” Steve responded, his Brooklyn accent slipping more than usual.

TJ pressed soft kisses to Steve’s lips, whispering, “It’s okay. I’m not a doll you’re gonna break.”

Steve sighed, returning the kisses reluctantly. “You really want this?”

TJ wrapped a hand around the back of Steve’s neck, nodding. “More than a lot of things in life.”

Steve lined himself up, pushing the tip of his cock inside, slipping it up against Bucky’s.

“Oh fuck, this is fucking _amazing_ ,” Bucky purred, his hands holding TJ’s thighs as he thrust up gently.

Steve bit his lip, dropping his head into TJ as he groaned. He breathed loudly through his nose, pulling his cock back to the tip and pushing in again slowly.

TJ’s eyes rolled back into his head, muscles fluttering around the two dicks that nestled so nice inside him. He felt so warm, so safe between the strongest men he’d ever know, letting them stretch him wide as possible. “Oh, _fuck_ , yeah baby…fuck,” TJ cried, feeling tears string in his eyes.

He leaned back against Bucky, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, letting Steve get his dick in deeper. “Oh FUCK!” he yelled when Steve slipped in further.

Steve gasped, balancing himself against Bucky’s chest and the bed. He pumped his dick inside TJ, panting with each thrust.

TJ felt so full, so full and satisfied and _safe_. He rocked his hips with the rhythm Steve was setting, Bucky following suit as they moved in synch with each other, no sounds but their breathing, soft moans and the sticky sounds of lube moving within TJ.

“God, _Stevie_ ,” Bucky groaned. “Fucking feel so good up against me like that.”

TJ laughed, turning his head to press kisses to the side of Bucky’s lips. Bucky turned into him to lap his tongue into TJ’s mouth playfully.

Steve panted loudly, swallowing thickly as he nodded. “Feels…oh _shit_ …TJ, this feels so fucking good.” He snapped his hips up, hitting back against TJ’s prostate, making TJ’s toes curl.

TJ bit into Bucky’s earlobe, making the man hiss and shove himself deeper inside. “Oh, fuck, FUCK! _FUCK_ _ME_!” TJ shouted, reservations annihilated as his supersoldiers nailed into him.

Steve pumped faster, lifting TJ a bit so he could slam him down harder on Bucky’s dick.

TJ howled out a long, approving moan, his eyes fluttering shut, mouth hanging open as he was pumped into so nicely, feeling the curves of two dicks inside him, glazing against his insides and making him feel more complete than he’d ever felt.

Bucky jerked his hips up to meet Steve’s thrusting, panting into TJ’s ear, nipping at his earlobe on occasion. He ran his fingers along TJ’s thigh, reaching around to wrap his flesh hand over TJ’s cock.

TJ whined pathetically, slamming his head down into Bucky’s shoulder over and over again as the pleasure became so good he kept seeing flashes of white each time the tips of the cocks inside him hit against his prostate in perfect rhythm.

Of course this had been a good idea, in TJ’s opinion. Steve and Bucky were unique in how deeply connected they were. Their hearts beat at the same time, their eyes practically blinked at the same time. Each thrust was equally matched and just as _powerful_ and TJ moaned out approvingly, turning his face into Bucky’s to press needy kisses against him.  

Bucky palmed over TJ’s dick, letting his fingers roll over the curve of his cockhead as he twisted his palm over the tip.

“Ah…ah…B-Buck, I’m,” TJ gasped. “If you do that…”

“I know,” Bucky breathed out. “That’s the point, baby.”

TJ felt tears slip from his eyes as he felt the two cocks inside him, pumping in and out, back and forth. They’d push into his prostate one after the other, never giving him a second to calm down from the shockwaves that assaulted his body. White flashed beneath his eyelids again and again, each thrust after the other.

Steve’s lips found his, pushing into him deeper as the man leaned forward.

“O-o-oh God,” TJ whined out in a desperate vibrato, limbs trembling. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop!”

“Not gonna stop, baby,” Steve said, pressing kisses against his face. “You feel good, baby?”

TJ nodded pathetically, whining low in his throat as Bucky’s cock snapped up into him, pushing up against his prostate again. “Y-yeah, Steve, s-so good, so good, _so good_.”

Steve laughed, breathy and perfect before leaning down to catch TJ’s lips in his.

TJ wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck, holding him there as his lovers continued to drill into his ass perfectly. His limbs were turning into a pile of noodles but he felt so _damn good_ that it didn’t even matter. “Come in me,” TJ begged. “Wanna feel you both come in me, pump me up real good.”

Steve laughed awkwardly, pressing a kiss against TJ’s begging lips. “I’m sure we can, Teej.”

TJ’s eyes were blurry as tears continued to stream from them. He whimpered, feeling the heat in his stomach rise as Bucky continued to palm over his tip, swiveling his wrist around and around.

“Ah…fuck,” Bucky breathed out, pressing a kiss against the side of TJ’s chest as he sprawled out atop him, grinding his hips down. “TJ that’s good. _Fuck_ , baby!”

“I’m gonna come,” TJ cried softly. “I’m gonna come and I don’t want to yet.”

Bucky slowed his hand down, stroking his index finger and thumb up and down TJ’s length.

TJ moaned softly, voice going hoarse. He curled his spine to reach Bucky’s face again and pressed kisses all over his cheeks, the side of his eye and against the shell of his ear.

Bucky laughed, thrusting up into TJ sharply. “Want…you to…come soon,” he groaned. “This feels too good.”

Steve moaned, dropping his head for a moment before snapping it back up. He thrummed his fingers over TJ’s chest, pinching at the man’s nipples before straightening up his back, pumping harder into TJ’s hole.

“God, Steve!” Bucky gasped out. “Fuck, TJ I can’t last. Steve’s…fuck!” Bucky palmed over TJ’s cock again, swirling his wrist quickly.

TJ moaned out long and desperate, his voice cracking as his muscles fluttered around the dicks inside him. He felt like he was on fire. His body was clammy as all their sweat mingled together. The pleasure inside him was building up threateningly, and each gasp or moan that escaped either Steve or Bucky’s lips sent chills down TJ’s spine. Each time they’d rock their hips in perfect harmony together made TJ’s eyes push out more tears. He arched his back off Bucky, feeling the heat in his loins curl tight against his balls, pushing out from his dick.

He came onto Steve’s chest, his nerves shivering and igniting all throughout him, like a trail of gasoline lit by a match. “Oh, fuck, FUCK! FUCK! _SHIT_ , FUCK I LOVE YOU,” he shouted, his orgasm still rocking through his body. He was positively sure if he hadn’t woken Anne or Dougie yet, he did just now.

Bucky’s cock thrust up into him desperately. He could hear little whines escaping Bucky’s lips as he bit down against the side of TJ’s chest. His body convulsing in spasms beneath TJ. “Fuck, TJ, fuck, fuck, TJ you’re so pretty baby, you’re so fuckin’ pretty,” Bucky whined as his semen spilled into TJ’s gaping hole.

He felt the hot seed spread inside him, coating his muscle where the slick had ebbed away. TJ tightened his grip around Steve’s torso, leaning up and riding Bucky’s orgasm out, swirling his hips down into the man below him.

Bucky cried out, gasping and begging for TJ to stop but the man was feeling relentless, focused on getting Steve to come soon. He clenched his muscles around his lovers, Bucky lurching up, his back bowing as he gasped, his fingers clawing into TJ’s thigh.

“TJ, TJ, fuck you,” Bucky panted.

TJ turned his head, curling down to press comforting kisses against his lover’s cheeks. He listened to Steve’s gasping and soft grunts, knowing the tell-tale sounds of when his captain was close to the edge.

TJ leaned up, snatching Steve’s lips in a kiss, he circled his hips atop Bucky, slipping Steve a tiny bit further inside.

Steve groaned into the kiss, his fingers clutching at the dimples in TJ’s back as he thrust hard into the other man. “TJ, TJ, TJ,” he panted. “Fuck, baby you’re so good.”

TJ laughed, pushing his hips down against the cocks in him, smiling when he heard Bucky gasp, cursing under his breath. Steve whined in the back of his throat before dropping his face into TJ’s shoulder. He snapped his hips desperately, slipping his cock alongside Bucky’s, drilling into TJ selfishly before spilling his seed into TJ’s awaiting hole.

Steve groaned loudly, covering TJ’s mouth with his as he came. He shook in TJ’s grasp, his thrusts losing strength till he was lazily pumping into TJ, his stomach clenching and relaxing as his orgasm subsided. “Fuck, I love you TJ. I fucking love you.”

“I love you,” TJ responded, pressing tired kisses to Steve’s lips. He turned to look at Bucky, his face was flushed, and hair matted and sweaty but he looked so damn content.

Bucky smiled up at him, offering a wink before pulling TJ back into him for a sloppy kiss. TJ squealed in delight, still feeling his lovers’ dicks inside him.

Steve pulled out first, slow and easy. He dropped next to Bucky, pressing kisses into the man’s shoulder, up his neck and along his jaw. “I wanna do that again and again.”

Bucky laughed, pressing a kiss to Steve’s nose. “I liked feeling you up against me like that.”

TJ sat up on Bucky, rolling his body teasingly, laughing when Bucky moaned out almost painfully. He slipped off Bucky’s dick, going into the bathroom to clean himself out.

“Oh wait, don’t you fucking dare!” Bucky shouted, running into the bathroom behind him.

“You wanna eat me out, don’t you?” TJ stated, rolling his eyes.

“You bet that sweet ass I do. Now get on your fuckin’ hands and knees.”

TJ did as instructed, getting on all fours on the bathroom floor. He gasped when Bucky’s tongue slipped into him, hungrily lapping at the semen that hadn’t dribbled down his thigh yet.

Bucky fingered at TJ’s perineum lazily, humming in content as he swallowed the cum down.

TJ panted, dropping to press his face into his arms, ass up. His hole was gaping wide and he could feel each huff of breath enter him as Bucky lapped within him. His cock twitched lazily but even if he got hard, he’d ignore it. He’d just experienced what it felt like to feel so full between his lovers. No rushed blow job or handie would ever replace how good it felt to come on Steve’s chest like that while getting pounded from both of them at the same time.

Bucky pulled back, smacking TJ’s ass. “Now you can wash off.” He offered a hand to help TJ up.

TJ wobbled on his feet, smiling lazily when Bucky’s hands steadied him against his hips. “That was nice.”

Bucky kissed the corner of TJ’s mouth, laughing softly. “Thanks for indulging me.”

TJ shrugged. “Whatever. I’m no kink shamer.” He turned around to turn the shower on, squirming as he felt some of the cum still slipping down his thighs. “Do you wanna shower with me? You and Steve?”

Steve was already at the door, leaning casually on its frame. He shrugged, offering his token Steve Rogers smile. “I wanna gonna slip in there anyway.”

“Can we cuddle in bed later?” Bucky asked. “I’m feeling particularly needy for cuddles.”

TJ laughed, rolling his eyes. “Deal, dork.”

Bucky pulled Steve into the bathroom, grazing the back of his metal fingers against Steve’s cheekbone. “I just wanna be close to you two. That was…” He sighed heavily, casting his eyes to the floor.

TJ understood. It was sex, sure. But there was something entirely more intimate about having both Steve and Bucky inside him, knowing they could feel each other and him. They all shared the same experience and nothing could possibly bringing them any physically closer. TJ loved all kinds of sex, but he’d probably claim having his lovers in him together was the best.

“You’re the biggest sap I’ve ever known,” TJ teased, stepping over the lip of the tub to get into the shower.

“Whatever wise guy,” Bucky shot back, following TJ in and covering his face with obnoxious kisses.

\--

It’d only been two days since Anne and Doug left. TJ hadn’t expected to miss them as much as he did, but…he did. He missed his family around. Steve and Bucky were definitely part of that family, but he’d become so used to family drama and hearing his brother’s nagging tone or Anne’s sympathetic one. It was weird now. They didn’t have to babysit him anymore because for once in TJ’s life he was actually okay.

He had two lovers who would lay their lives down for him, not that he ever wanted that to happen. He was off drugs and honestly, he had no intention of ever going back. He was in a good place.

TJ walked along the street, casually looking into the dark windows that showed off the shop’s wares. He hummed idly, unsure if he was thinking about the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. He was too happy to care. He’d gone out for a night walk. Just a little something to give Steve and Bucky some time alone.

TJ realized now that he needed to give Bucky some one on one time with Steve. He’d never thought that he’d be the reason Bucky got nervous, but that night when he almost saw Steve’s face get reacquainted with Bucky’s knuckles, he realized he’d changed the game.

They loved him. He loved them. But they were the real soulmates. They needed their time to simply exist in each other’s arms. Tonight TJ had left them to their movie– Pulp Fiction. Yet another movie that neither had seen because of their impossible circumstances. TJ smiled, walking across the street.

Impossible men, from impossible circumstances, capable of impossible things. He loved to think of them like that. TJ never thought it’d be possible for him to really be happy, to really be okay with everything that had happened in his life but here he was. Steve and Bucky had changed everything for him and he didn’t regret a second of it. This wasn’t Sean Reeves all over again either, this was Steve Rogers, Captain fucking America.

He was out and open with TJ and he’d sacrificed his good name to the bigots and jerks of America. He’d done that all in the name of love. This wasn’t Sean Reeves. This was Steve Rogers. Funny, how their initials were the same, oddly poetic. TJ laughed at his own little private joke.

And Bucky. Christ, Bucky Barnes was alive and so desperate to let the world know how he felt about TJ. That was a conversation for another time as things were still not entirely settled from just two nights ago. TJ knew Bucky wanted to talk about it again, but he also knew that Steve wasn’t ready for it.

Steve had every right to fear what would happen. No one cared that Steve Rogers was bisexual. They called him gay. No one cared that TJ had stopped (for the most part) partying and doing drugs, he’d always be known as an addict. No one would care that Steve was in a committed relationship with two men. They’d call him a slut, a pervert. They’d string him up again and TJ wasn’t sure Steve could handle it.

So TJ understood. He’d patiently wait for the right time when Steve felt secure enough to come out to the world about their triad. He just hoped Bucky knew this too.

“Hey!” someone called as TJ was crossing another street, dead in the middle of the intersection. “You that TJ guy? TJ Hammond?”

TJ peered over the headlights at the man. He’d gotten out of his car for this. TJ thought it strange, but he didn’t keep walking. “Yeah, that’s me. Why?”

“You datin’ Captain America, right?”

TJ’s shoulders tensed. Something about this didn’t feel right. The man’s voice wasn’t menacing, but there was something there, a light slur to the words, a suspicion that TJ couldn’t quite put his thumb on.

“Yes? Look man, I’m just trying to get home,” TJ said, starting to walk again.

“Hey wait!”

The man got into his car. TJ heard the engine. He thought he ran but maybe it was the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure why there was so much pain. His stomach felt cold and his feet felt like they’d been jammed into shoes too small. His head… _wow,_ his head. He tried to moan or call out but he couldn’t remember his name or how to move his tongue so that he’d speak. Lights. So many lights.

Someone screamed.

What was happening?

He tried to open his eyes but the lights were just too bright, peering right into his face. Even when he closed them all he saw was red at the back of his eyelids. Fuck, his feet hurt. His stomach, it wasn’t so cold anymore. Felt warm, wet. Smelled something sweet but couldn’t quite figure what it was.

Was that a car horn? Why wouldn’t it stop? It just kept going, blaring and blaring, loud and angry right in TJ’s face. His head was spinning, throbbing and at any moment he felt like he would explode, spatter his skull everywhere.

His stomach as so wet now; wet, hot and cold. He tried to touch it but his arms weren’t moving right. His vision blurred again as he stared at those big white lights.

What was happening?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I post gifs, sadly, again, cannot cause tablet hates me! :( One more chapter all! (Till the sequel! whoooo!)
> 
> Oh and plz don't hate me.  
> Add me on tumblr! [Click Here!](buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com)


	10. Hail HYDRA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a brief moment and be totally emo and cry over everyone who has been SO supportive of this fic. Some of you joined along the way, others have been there from the beginning and I love you all the same. This fic was the first fic that really immersed me in the Marvel fandom and supersoldier sandwiches are now firmly embedded in my life.
> 
> Brace yourselves. <3 And thank you so much for sticking with me till the end of this one.
> 
> (Thank you to my alpha-beta [perfbucky](http://perfbucky.tumblr.com/) for making this fic way less awkward and also full of commas. She loves commas.

When Steve woke, he was alone. He stared up at the ceiling fan, watching it spin lazily. Groaning, he leaned up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at the rumpled sheets on the bed, wondering if Bucky and TJ had gone downstairs together.

He knew he was being irrational, but something felt…different. TJ seemed different. Logically, Steve thought it was because TJ was weaning off drugs and his true self was showing through, the self Steve knew he had within. The only issue was how nervous it was making Steve feel.

TJ loved Bucky. They’d spent a solid week together and the entire time Steve was worried sick as bullets were flying past him and he was defending who he was as a person in England. Thank God for Tony though. Steve still was bitter about the reporters and their questions about “an openly gay superhero.” Steve had come out on national television as bisexual but of course the world didn’t care. He was with a man and according to them, that made him gay.

Steve was extremely happy about how TJ and Bucky had bonded. He loved how comfortable they looked when they were tucked in each other’s arms. Steve just didn’t want to get pushed away. He didn’t want to push _them_ away. He groaned, swinging his feet over the bed and making his way to the bathroom. He’d been such an idiot. All his worrying over TJ made him completely forget about Bucky. Bucky! For Christ’s sake, Bucky was and continued to be the one thing in Steve’s life that was always a constant. Someone that Steve clearly took for granted. The one being that stood by him no matter how dumb Steve was being. He’d forgotten Bucky. It plagued at Steve’s soul, making him feel cold and heavy. He needed to do something to fix it.

Steve stared at himself in the mirror, washing his hands. He knew what Bucky wanted, but Steve just wasn’t ready. Coming out as bisexual had been _nothing_ Steve had expected. He knew he was going to be mocked, ridiculed and challenged. He knew what would happen but no knowledge could have prepared him for how it really _felt_. Steve felt the lashes tear at his skin, felt the fear as he moved through crowds and saw eyes peek his way. Felt the anger when that man threw a slushie at TJ. He wanted to kill him.

Coming out as poly with two men would only cause more mockery and hate. Steve wasn’t ready for that. He knew it’s what Bucky wanted, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t know what to do.

Steve exited the bathroom, crossing the room to snatch his phone. One missed call from Elaine. Curious, Steve dialed his voicemail and listened to the message. What he heard made his heart stop, go cold and shred into thousands of bloody, gnarled pieces.

There’d been an accident. TJ was at George Washington Hospital in the ICU and so far, no family member had been able to get back. Doug and Anne had flown back three days ago and Elaine was caught between the hardest rock and a hard place Steve could ever think of. She was scheduled for the debates. She’d been smashing the primaries and was a sure opponent for the Democrats…if she was in the debate. Otherwise, she’d lose it all. She’d never again be able to run for president because in another eight years, she’d be too old. She’d not want to. It’d be over.

She was in the worst position and still hadn’t entirely made up her mind and that’s where things were left to Steve. He’d not finished listening to the voicemail. Running down the stairs, he was shouting, panic taking hold of his veins and surging his nerves with white pain and horror. “BUCKY! BUCKY WHERE ARE YOU? WE GOTTA GO!”

Steve zoomed into the kitchen, skidding on his socked feet as he looked around the living room and the kitchen, and found nothing. He jogged out into the back yard and still didn’t see Bucky. Cursing, Steve ran into the garage and took one of Elaine’s cars. He’d call Bucky once he got to the hospital.

* * *

 

The hospital was the same as it’d always been, with off-white walls with overly cheery paintings, hardwood floors in lobbies, and tile in wards. It smelled like plastic and sterility. Steve was huffing as he walked up to the information desk. It wasn’t because he was out of breath, it was because of how he felt. He wanted to scream. He’d been foolish to let TJ wander out of his arms last night and go for a walk. Bucky and Steve both thought it was okay, but Steve should have said something. He’d have been accused of being too protective and that was a title he’d been damn happy to have. Of course he was overprotective of TJ. TJ wasn’t like Bucky. TJ was easily hurt and overly emotional. He wasn’t as strong as Bucky and Steve knew it, that’s why Steve adjusted the way he was around TJ for it. Steve should have gone with him. He should’ve been there…

“May I help you?” a man said from behind the counter. He looked up at Steve over his oval glasses.

“ICU?” Steve ventured. “Got a friend in there.”

“I’m sorry, only family is allowed into the ICU. Once your friend is stabilized we can contact you.”

“Well, no,” Steve stumbled. “He’s my boyfriend. His family can’t get here yet.”

The man sighed, running his hand over his face. “Look, sir. I’m sorry. Rules are rules. ICU is a very controlled environment and if I let you in, I’ve gotta let everyone else worried about their friends too.”

Steve squeezed the counter, his fingers busting into the material. The man looked down and raised his brows. Steve never enjoyed flaunting around who he was or what he was capable of, but right now TJ was in the hospital and he was in ICU. God couldn’t save the world from the anger Steve would bestow upon it if he didn’t see TJ before…

TJ could die. He could be dying!

“Do you know who Captain America is?” Steve asked calmly, though his eyes were a ravaging sandstorm and it was directed right at the information deskman.

The man nodded. “I can’t make an exception for you, Captain Rogers. I know your boyfriend’s TJ Hammond. I know we’ve got him in here. I’m under even more pressure because of that. I’m not allowed to break the rules. Please, _please_ let me just do my job.” His eyes were misting. Steve immediately felt guilty.

Backing up, Steve shoved his hands into his pockets. He flicked his nose up at the wreckage of the counter. “Send me a bill. I’m sorry. I just…” He sighed heavily. “I hate this.” He understood, he really did. This man wasn’t his enemy. He was doing his job and he’d already been forewarned of Steve and who he had back in the ICU. The hospital was terrified of liability and lawsuits. Steve had to understand. But this only showed further just how little Steve really meant on paper to TJ.

How insignificant TJ was to _Steve_. If Steve died, he’d leave TJ behind absolutely nothing. All of Steve’s assets would go into intestacy and since no one in his family was alive, it’d be enveloped by the State. TJ wouldn’t be given anything to mourn Steve’s death and that wasn’t something Steve could settle with.

And if TJ died today…

Steve whined, turning around and trudging over to the waiting area. He was pacing, looking at his phone and seeing a single text. **I’m on my way.** Bucky was coming. He’d be here soon and he’d know what to do and Steve wouldn’t have to feel so numb and like nothing was actually real right now. Everything didn’t feel right. Steve was watching himself and seeing this play out like a movie but it didn’t feel real. He wasn’t slipping into a chair and sobbing. He wasn’t screaming at the nice man just doing his job. He was patient and numb and…

“Steve!”

He looked up, seeing Bucky jogging over to him. Bucky’s face was pale and his eyes red. He’d been crying. Steve pulled him into his arms, not caring about the people taking their phones out and snapping pictures. For all these people knew, Steve and Bucky were just friends once more. There was no reason to think they wouldn’t be given they were the only ones left in each other’s lives from a world long gone.

“The fuck you out here for? Let’s go!” Bucky started pulling Steve when Steve yanked back. Bucky whirled around, a look of confusion drifting across his face.

“We’re not family,” Steve stated distantly. “Family only.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed. He growled, looking over at the information desk with a deadly snarl against his lips.

“Bucky, please. Don’t. He’s doing his job.”

“The fuck with his job, Steve! What the fuck?! We save their asses over and over, keep them safe and put our lives on the line!”

“Bucky,” Steve said, palms out in an attempt to quiet Bucky down. People were watching.

“No fuck this! We both _died_ for this fucking country and they won’t let you see TJ?!” Bucky yelled.

Steve whined, his gaze scanning over Bucky’s reddening ears and cheeks, then drifting over to look at the man behind the desk.

The information desk guy was on the phone, his gaze darting over to Steve and Bucky on occasion. Steve knew what was going on. He was calling security.

Everything was slowly seeping in. TJ had been in a car accident. He was alive, but in the ICU and his condition wasn’t stable. He was unconscious and alone. Steve was so close, yet lightyears away. It was like he was trapped in the ice again. He’d had a vague idea that the world was still there, that he was alive but he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

Clutching at his throat, Steve started to wheeze, hiccupping in short bursts.

“Steve!” Bucky yelped, his hands going to Steve’s face. “Steve, baby, baby, hey! Hey breathe, Stevie! Steve, breathe!”

Steve’s lungs were snapping in, twisting and closing. All he could think about was the ice. The ice that burned his throat as he’d screamed, involuntary and frightened. The burn that had slowly crept up his body as the ice closed around him, poking and jabbing into his skin. Fire was supposed to burn, not ice, but the ice had burned with a frenzy Steve never wanted to experience again.

He wouldn’t be there for TJ. TJ was hurt and suffering and the ice…the ice was coming back!

“Stevie!” Bucky’s voice penetrated the roar in Steve’s ears. He looked at his lover, saw the worry and finally his lungs relaxed. He gasped a big, greedy gulp of air. Bucky’s eyes melted as he pulled Steve into a tight hug. “Baby doll, you’re okay. You’re okay baby doll. We’re gonna get in there. I swear we’ll get you in there.”

Security guards had made it to the scene. People were standing around, some were filming, others smiling and whispering at the spectacle of the two supersoldiers. Steve wanted to snap at them. He wanted to bark at them about leaving a man to his misery in peace, but that wasn’t Captain America. So Steve Rogers had to shove his own feelings away and let the world look on as if he were a gorilla in a zoo.

“What? Can’t a guy have a fuckin’ breakdown without getting security called?” Bucky snapped.

Steve laughed. Thank God for Bucky Barnes. Always saying what Captain America couldn’t.

The guards shifted. “We’ve been instructed to escort you two from the building.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. He looked over to the information desk. “What! Too afraid to tell us yourself you fuckin’ little shit!”

“Bucky,” Steve reprimanded, wrapping a hand around Bucky’s forearm.

Bucky looked back to Steve, his brows furrowing. “What? No, fuck that, Steve!” He looked back at the information deskman. “Fuck you, man! Do you have any idea who this guy is? What he’s _done_ for you?”

“Please, sir,” one of the guards said. “You’re causing a scene and this is a hospital.”

“We wouldn’t have to if you fucks would just let Steve see his boyfriend!” Bucky reached out. He was about to point at something. Steve honestly wasn’t sure. He was too mortified that cameras were rolling on phones and people were whispering. Laughing at the zoo. That’s all Steve was to these people. An animal in the zoo.

Before Bucky was able to do whatever he was, one of the guards put his hand on his gun, another on his baton. “Sir, drop the weapon,” he guard warned.

Bucky snarled, stepping back and looking at his hand. “My _arm_ isn’t a weapon, you fuck!”

“Bucky!” Steve shouted, unable to stand there in his mild stupor anymore. His shoulders broadened, he placed his hand on Bucky’s metal shoulder and squeezed firmly. “Let’s go.”

Bucky’s eyes were round and innocent. His mouth hung open as he gaped wordlessly at Steve. His whole demeanor had changed from pissed to completely stunned and small. “They can’t do this to you,” he whispered. “It ain’t fair, Stevie.”

Steve tried to offer a smile, but it was mangled and strained. “We’re not above the law, Bucky. Sometimes the world has to remind us that.”

Steve pulled Bucky out by the arm, nodding to the guards as they walked out of the hospital. Bucky was cursing under his breath, talking about how he’d kill the guards in over countless ways. Steve still was coming to terms that this was real. TJ was in that hospital. The guards became the water, the walls became the ice.

Steve was filling up, cold and powerless and now, just like the ice…all he could do was wait.

* * *

Bud Hammond was the first to arrive. Loud and boisterous as he was, Steve found his voice comforting as it threatened to sue the hospital for depriving Steve of seeing TJ. The words were empty threats. Steve held no legal weight here, but Steve was still comforted enough that Bud seemed to actually _like_ him. He’d always been curious if Bud really approved of TJ and Steve or not. At least now he knew.

Bud had been in South Africa. Steve wasn’t sure why, but he was very glad that someone from the Hammond family was finally here and able to throw their familial connection around in the hospital’s face. On Bud’s request, they’d allowed Steve into the ICU wing, but not Bucky. Having too many people in a room was frowned upon, and apparently they needed to do what was best for TJ, which apparently meant keeping his lovers separated. Steve couldn’t fault the hospital though. They didn’t know Bucky was also with TJ. Even if they did, they were only following the rules.

Steve walked through the halls with Bud, thankful the man had about as long of legs as he did. They were walking with a doctor who was talking quickly. TJ had been in an accident, yeah, they knew that already, car crashed into his left side. His face came in contact with a headlight. Glass had to be removed. His eye was badly damaged. The doctors were unsure if sight would return. He would be going for surgery when his vitals got stable. He’d suffered a collapsed lung and some internal hemorrhaging. Throw in a few broken bones and Steve was already a mess on the floor as he finally was able to breach TJ’s room.

He gasped when he saw TJ, all bandaged up and asleep, but not by choice. The doctors thought it was best to keep him knocked out so the pain didn’t cause him to suffer any further. Eyewitnesses said they saw someone intentionally run TJ over. Luckily, the guy was in a room not far off, recovering from his own injuries. Bud was already whispering to Steve how he’d be pressing charges. Good. If they weren’t, Steve wouldn’t exactly be opposed to Bucky outright killing the guy.

_‘Who am I turning into to be okay with such a thing?’_

Steve walked around the bed, his eyes wet and his throat tight. He sat down, slipping his fingers against TJ’s, just barely holding them. He looked so fragile, too fragile. Steve whined, dropping his face against the bed and sobbing. This was his fault. He should’ve said something. He should’ve gone with TJ. They’d had such a bad night, but somehow TJ had managed to make it so beautiful. Now he was in a bed, potentially blind in one eye and on the cusp of death, should the reaper decide to take his delicate soul.

“We were doing so good,” Steve announced. Bud silently turned to him, his eyes shimmering with their own tears. “We were getting him clean. He was…” Steve’s voice broke, choking out on a sob. “He was happy. We were finally making him happy.” The weight of reality was finally crashing around Steve as it felt like the world was caving in, crumbling down against his back and he was powerless to only watch. “It was just a walk. He just went on a fucking walk.”

Bud’s lips were parted as he sat, listening to Steve’s shaky voice. He shifted in his seat, sniffing. “I’ve had to see my son in hospital beds more times than I’m proud to admit.”

Steve looked up, his eyes red and leaking chunky, silent tears.

“I’ve seen this boy more miserable than a donkey with a fly-infested ass.”

Steve was surprised how much that wanted to make him laugh.

“I’ve never seen him glow the way you and Bucky got him to. Never seen a love so strong.” Bud reached out, cupping his hand around one of TJ’s legs. “He knows he’s loved. Whatever happens…he knows how much you love him.”

Steve sobbed, dropping his head back into the bedding. His shoulders shook, unafraid of any judgement or thoughts Bud may have. Few people ever got to see Captain America break down. Two were in this room, one was in the waiting room below. Not even Peggy Carter had really seen it. Steve didn’t like crying in front of others. But this was TJ and his father. Steve didn’t care. He couldn’t contain the anguish that twisted his soul now as his world was slowly being destroyed around him.

If TJ died, Steve wasn’t sure how much fight he’d have left for this world. He’d almost rather watch it burn for all the torment it had inflicted on TJ.

Almost rather watch it burn.

* * *

 

TJ underwent three surgeries, one crash cart and four minor procedures before his eyes finally opened. The hospital had been aware of his previous drug habit and prescribed pain medication accordingly. Steve didn’t listen hard enough, but at least he’d caught the word methadone. Honestly, as long as TJ wouldn’t suffer from another addiction then Steve was good.

Steve came home to Bucky every night, despite the hole it left in his heart. Bucky was hurting just as much as Steve. They didn’t do much those several weeks except hold each other and occasionally talk about “how things were actually easier back in the day.” They never had sex.

Sex wasn’t something two of them could do anymore. Perhaps only on special occasions, but this wasn’t one. This was a nightmare and they were being forced into it full force. They didn’t want to feel that good when TJ was fighting for his life. Besides, after the night TJ let them _both_ enter him at the same time– no sexual act could ever be that intimate without it again. TJ had changed the game and Steve and Bucky weren’t looking back.

Bucky had been a mess. Irritable, impulsive, prone to throwing punches even when a situation didn’t really need it. He’d always break down in Steve’s arms, crying and begging Steve to tell him it was going to be okay. Steve had never felt so useless, holding Bucky, stroking his hair and calling him “baby boy.” Bucky seemed to like the name, and Steve only wanted to do what Bucky wanted.

Food didn’t taste right. TV didn’t reach Steve’s ears. It probably was the same for Bucky, maybe worse. All Steve knew was that when he attempted to broach the subject of TJ and what this meant for the three of them, Bucky would shut down. “We need to talk about how to protect him next time, Buck.”

“Do whatever you want, Steve. I can’t talk about this.”

So Steve was left here now, watching TJ’s eyes flutter open, watching his delicate mouth open and close as his tongue fought to moisten his dry mouth. Steve quickly grabbed a cup of water and opened a straw. He held it, on the edge of his seat as he watched TJ’s blue irises look about the room. Bud was there, of course. He’d not left since the day he got here. Doug and Anne were asleep on the other bed in the room. Elaine probably hated herself, but she’d come back after the debates only to leave again to campaign the Midwest.

“What kind of mother leaves her child like this?” she’d said.

Steve winced, hearing the self-hatred in that tone. He knew it well, having used it himself. “You’re doing what’s right for the country. You can protect TJ that way. Equal rights, get bigots to slowly see what they’re doing is wrong?”

Elaine waved it off, sighing heavily as she stroked her fingers through her son’s hair. She clicked her tongue, looking back up at Steve. “You couldn’t even get in here till Bud arrived. This family is never where it should be. You were here and yet…” She stopped, swallowing loudly. “Fuck hospitals.”

Steve had laughed. Elaine was such a passionate woman. She’d make a beautiful president and Steve truly always found another reason to be mesmerized by Elaine. “The world doesn’t like poly relationships.”

Elaine had rolled her eyes, scoffing. “Ain’t that the truth,” she’d replied. “But I didn’t either. I was afraid of what you were getting my son into. Now, I realize I was a fool. This has been the best thing for him, and now I couldn’t imagine you or Bucky away from him.”

“We’re scared,” Steve said. “Buck and I. Our jobs…”

“I know,” Elaine quipped. “Superheroes don’t exactly have long life expectancies.”

“I’m gonna make sure TJ’s protected,” Steve said, his face solemn and serious. “Fully.”

Back then, Steve wasn’t sure Elaine really knew what that meant, but after today, after TJ was talking and maybe had a chance to chat with his father and Doug, Steve would make his intentions known. This was never happening again. Steve would protect TJ to the full force of the law. He’d shield him from the horrors of Steve’s job. He’d try to talk to Bucky again about it too. There’d be no secrets once TJ had a chance to talk to his family.

Steve left the room, sliding his phone open to call Bucky. He winced, seeing several messages from Sam, Natasha, and Tony. He’d have to call them all back eventually. He’d carelessly been ignoring them all. Bucky had fielded a few calls from Natasha, enjoying the chance to speak Russian, but Steve couldn’t bring himself to speak to anyone else. He knew it was a mistake, closing off from friends. He just didn’t have the heart when he felt like everything was being analyzed under a microscope. Steve didn’t even feel safe here in the hospital. Nurses wielded stories they happily sold to reporters. Paparazzi hounded Steve each day he entered and left the hospital. They were suffering, but the media thought it was one of the best stories. It was all over the news, on every corner stand and online news outlet. Steve wished they’d just leave them the fuck alone.

 _“Steve?”_ Bucky’s voice called over the phone. _“How’s TJ?”_

“Awake,” Steve replied. “He’s talking to his family right now.”

Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief. He dropped something, the phone’s mic picking it up.

“What’re you doing?” Steve asked curiously.

 _“Dishes,”_ Bucky replied. _“I can’t sit still and it’s the only room in the house that paparazzi can’t stick their faces against windows.”_

“Christ,” Steve sighed, pinching his nose as he slid into a chair in the hall. “Was it this bad when we were younger?”

Bucky laughed. _“I don’t think the world was this bored yet. Can I come see him soon?”_

Steve looked over at the door, listening softly to muffled voices. “I’m sure. They’re gonna move him out of the ICU soon. I’ll let you know.”

Bucky sighed. “I hate this, Steve. I hate that I’m not there. I should’ve been there.”

“I know,” Steve indulged. “I hate this too.”

_“I love you, doll. Keep me updated.”_

“Love you too, baby boy.” Steve hung up, heading back into the room. He smiled fully, the sensation foreign on his face. Relief trickled over his shoulders, slipping along the curves of his back, shedding the pounds of anxiety and stress from him. TJ was alive. He was alive and safe– healing.

“Hey, Teej,” Steve called. “Enjoy your nap?”

TJ let out a groveled laugh, wincing as he touched his stomach gingerly. “Had dreams about you.”

Steve walked into the room, watching Doug, Anne and Bud all gather up their things. “You don’t have to go.”

“I’d like to get some proper shuteye,” Bud said. “You two should be alone.”

Steve nodded, waving goodbye as the trio left the room. He turned back, plopping into the chair next to TJ and sighing. “I was worried sick about you.”

TJ nodded softly– bandages covering half his face from his eye surgery. “I’d apologize, only I didn’t realize I was here. How long’ve I been out?”

“Couple weeks. You’ve woken up a few times but the doctors would always put you back under. They really weren’t sure you’d make it or not.”

TJ winced, biting his lip. “Shit, Steve.”

“Your family’s suing the dick that tried to kill you,” Steve continued. It was easy if he just kept talking about anything other than what he really wanted to say. “Attempted murder’s kind of a big deal.”

TJ shrugged a shoulder. “We don’t need to.”

Steve scoffed. “You serious? It’s either that or Bucky shoves bullets into the guy’s head with his bare hands. You should’ve seen him when he found out.”

TJ winced again. “It’s my fault.”

Steve leaned forward, licking his lips apprehensively. “How?”

“I was in the street. Told the guy who I was.”

“And he hit you?” Steve asked, flabbergasted. “TJ, that’s not your fault.”

“I’d just rather we moved on, you know?”

Steve sighed through his nose, sitting back. “Yeah, I understand that. But you can’t reward hate with silence.””

“Where’s Bucky?” TJ was clearly shutting that conversation down. Steve respected that. He didn’t like it, but he respected it.

“ICU would only let a certain number of people in and they had to be family. They were worried he’d upset the other patients or your recovery.”

“Then how’re you here?” TJ asked, not skipping a beat.

“Your dad.”

TJ nodded, his brows flicking up once. “Figures. That man’s loud when he wants to be.”

“He’s always loud,” Steve laughed. “But I got to know him pretty well over the weeks. He talks about you constantly.”

“He’s proud of me when he isn’t pissed at me,” he deflected. “Is Bucky gonna come soon?”

Steve would pretend his heart didn’t squeeze with pain from that. “Once they move you out of ICU.”

Steve wanted to blurt out his big thought. He wanted to show TJ the little piece of jewelry he had in his pocket but now wasn’t the time. He reached up, touching the good side of TJ’s face. TJ leaned into the touch, offering a crooked smile.

“I love you, Teej” Steve professed, confident and proud as ever to say it.

TJ smiled turning to press a light kiss to Steve’s fingers. “I love you too.” His voice was tired and raspier than usual.

“Do you wanna go to sleep?” Steve asked, his heart sinking at the thought. He knew TJ needed his rest, but TJ had just really woken up for the first time. There was so much Steve needed to say. TJ had almost died and everything suddenly clicked into place for Steve. They’d been foolish, waiting around at Elaine’s home and pretending it was all for Bucky. It wasn’t. It was because none of them really knew what to do after they’d all agreed to be in this triad. There was so much they were supposed to do, and yet they’d put it off under the guise of something bigger happening when that wasn’t true. Bucky was just as safe in a new home or an apartment as Elaine’s home. They’d been foolish and running blind. Shame TJ had to lose half his sight for Steve to see that.

“Steve?” TJ inquired, his brows pulling together slowly. His face was pale but the swelling around his good eye finally subsided. He looked like he was healing. That was good enough for Steve.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I said come cuddle with me, but you kept staring at my chest so I thought you were checkin’ me out, but clearly you were just zoned out.”

Steve laughed softly, a light blush rising into his cheeks. “Sorry.” He gingerly scooted onto the bed, wrapping his arms around TJ as carefully as he could. TJ pushed back against him, tucking his ass against Steve’s pelvis like two spoons pressed together. Steve pressed his check to TJ’s head, breathing in his boyfriend’s hospitalized scent– plastic and stale, but still organic and powdery.

“I wish Bucky was here,” TJ announced softly. “Couldn’t fit him in the bed but I still wish he was here.”

“Me too, baby,” Steve replied. “Me too.”

Steve didn’t know what to do. He knew what he thought he had to do but he didn’t know if it was the right thing or the right time. TJ clearly longed for Bucky and Steve hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Bucky about his plans yet. They were together and they were alone and Steve wasn’t sure when that would happen next, but it was improper. Steve hadn’t even talked to Bucky…

“Marry me,” Steve whispered against TJ’s ear, caressing his nose against that soft shell.

“What?” TJ gasped, trying to turn to look at Steve. “You shitting me?”

“You almost died and I wasn’t allowed to see you,” Steve explained. “What me n’ Buck do– either one of us could die and everything we were would be lost to you. At least like this we can make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“So write a will, Steve!” TJ snapped. His cheeks were reddening and tears shimmered in his panicked eyes.

Steve hadn’t expected it to go this way. Perhaps he should’ve know better but he’d just been so desperate to blanket TJ in all the protection he could offer. Steve would gladly walk into a meat grinder if it meant protecting TJ. Bucky didn’t need protecting. He was perfectly capable of that himself. But TJ? TJ was as fragile as glass under too much weight. He could explode at any moment and Steve didn’t want to be caught unprepared next time.

TJ softened in Steve’s arms, sighing. “I’m sorry,” he began. “That was probably the rudest thing I’ve ever done.”

“It’s fine,” Steve said curtly, desperately attempting to cut this conversation short. He’d messed up. He hadn’t talked to Bucky and he knew this would cause a shitstorm but it was word vomit and it had been tugging at his stomach until he finally said something. They’d been so unprepared. They’d been blissfully living in an existence where all their heads were buried beneath the sand. He loved Bucky as much as he loved TJ and vice versa, what he didn’t love was how little he mattered in TJ’s life legally. He’d get the lecture how it “didn’t matter” as long as they knew but that wasn’t enough for Steve. He needed safety and a guarantee. He needed to be sure everything was locked into TJ in case someone with more money and more power decided to challenge anything.

And Steve’s body…

Not that he wanted to think about it, but he was a science experiment. Plenty wanted to get a hold of his blood and his organs. The government would surely attempt something and if TJ was just his “boyfriend,” writing a will or not, the US government was the US government. This was the only way to protect both of them.

But what about Bucky? What about Bucky’s body?

Steve whined, moving to press his face into the crook of TJ’s neck. TJ momentarily stiffened before reaching back to run his fingers through Steve’s hair.

“What’s in your head, Steve?”

“Besides you rejecting a marriage proposal?” Steve instantly shot back.

TJ swallowed loudly, craning his neck to press a kiss to Steve’s nose. “I didn’t outright reject it, dumbass.”

“You didn’t say yes,” Steve challenged.

TJ narrowed his eyes, staring at Steve intensely before opening his mouth. “What about Bucky?”

“I was just thinking about that,” Steve answered heavily. He shifted to press his back against the pillows. TJ squirmed to lean against Steve’s side. He couldn’t turn over lest he injure himself but he still managed to find a way to wrap himself around Steve. “I hate thinking about it but, we mean nothing to you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Legally. We don’t even own a house or anything. All our accounts are separate and even if I wrote a will it could still be challenged.”

“Everyone knows I’m your boyfriend.”

“That may not matter in fifteen years.”

“You honestly think you’re gonna die in fifteen years?” TJ asked, his eyes rounding as unspoken horror trickled into those almond-shaped eyes.

“Honestly,” Steve sighed. “I don’t even know if I’ll be around in two days, let alone fifteen.”

“So you want to marry me to do what?”

“Protect you,” Steve answered, his voice astonished. “You’re not made of money, TJ. Sure, you’re parents have it but do they go around giving it to you?”

“…No,” TJ begrudgingly answered.

“So if I died tomorrow and I had a ton of money in the bank, what would you get?”

“Steve–”

“Nothing, TJ. You’d get nothing. Not to mention what they’d do with my actual body.”

“Steve!” TJ gasped. “Stop it! I don’t want this conversation!”

“But haven’t you thought about it, TJ? Has it honestly not dawned on you what I do for a living? What Bucky is about to do?”

TJ huffed, suddenly becoming smaller in Steve’s arms. “You wanna marry me so you can’t get stopped from getting in the hospital if I fuck up again, and so you can give me all your shit.”

“And I love you?”

“Yeah but, you love Bucky too. Are you asking for his hand in marriage?”

“What? No, but Bucky doesn’t need my help. He’s not–” Steve slammed his mouth shut, clenching his jaw a few times as he watched TJ’s eyes go soft and ashamed.

“Weak,” TJ finished. “He’s not weak.”

“You’re not weak either, TJ,” Steve consoled. “Just a different kind of strong.”

“What kind of wedding would we have?” TJ asked, drawing idle circles on Steve’s chest. “Big one?”

“I was thinking we’d just go down to the courthouse–”

“Steve, if you marry me, we’re doing this the way I want. I want a big wedding with a ton of people and overly lavish dining experiences.”

“Would you get married in a church?” Steve asked.

“God hates fags,” TJ instantly shot back.

“But what if I knew a priest who would marry us in a church. It’s legal. It’s just down to the discretion of the congregation.”

TJ sniffed, scratching at his nose. “And Bucky? Would he be your best man?”

Steve felt his heart twist, wringing itself tightly in his chest. He had to clear his throat to relieve the pressure. “I haven’t talked to him about this yet. I don’t know what he’d be.”

TJ shrugged a shoulder. “You know what sucks more than anything about this accident?”

“Hmm?”

“I can’t see out of both eyes. I can’t see you both anymore when we’re lying in bed. I’ll only see the person on my left.”

Steve slowly licked his lips. He’d almost gone completely deaf after a bad bout of pneumonia back in the day but this was TJ’s eyesight. Bucky used to tease Steve by snapping his fingers near his ears but Steve never wanted to bestow such torment (playful or not) on TJ. The way TJ said those words were like he was accepting death. His voice was soft and uneven and Steve had to hold back from squeezing him.

“Do you want me to talk to Bucky before we officially agree to get married?”

“Please?” TJ piped up instantly. “If Bucky’s okay with it, then Steve Rogers, I’d love to marry you.” He curled more into Steve, pressing his lips against Steve’s. It was light, like a feather drifting up skin but it held all the emotions that Steve felt for this man. This man who could only see out of one eye and still had more bandages than skin showing. Steve loved TJ with his whole heart and soul.

Bucky was woven into Steve’s very core, his skin and his soul but TJ owned all of Steve’s heart.

It was almost upsetting how much Steve was thrilled at the idea of TJ Hammond becoming TJ Rogers even before he brought up the subject to Bucky.

He knew that was going to be a shit show.

* * *

 

TJ came home a week after his conversation with Steve at the hospital. Of course, Steve hadn’t talked to Bucky and of course, Bucky was swarming TJ like a nursemaid. TJ would barely flinch before Bucky was up and asking if he needed anything. Honestly, Steve loved it, but he also hated it. He needed Bucky alone. He needed to explain to him what was happening and why Steve proposed to TJ. He needed to tell him before TJ opened his mouth…

Steve was sitting at a Starbucks near Capitol Hill. He was ashamed to admit it, but seeing Bucky hovering so intensely only made him feel even guiltier for proposing before asking Bucky. He felt cornered in his own room (that wasn’t actually his) and every time TJ or Bucky touched him, he’d jump or stumble around his words like he was having an aneurism. He needed help. He needed his friends.

Natasha was in line for her coffee while Sam talked on the phone a few yards away, hovering near the streetlight and a newsstand that was going out of business. No one read the papers anymore. Everything was online. Unfortunately, people read enough to keep paparazzi tucked behind passing cars but out of earshot from Steve. Bud had informed the press he planned to press charges against the man who hit his son and of course the press was going wild about it. TJ wanted nothing to do with it but at this point Steve didn’t really think he had a choice. TJ was a symbol for homosexuality and as Steve said–

Do not reward hate with silence.

Steve was comfortable speaking to news reporters about his stance on the charges (he supported them), he was comfortable telling reporters that TJ was healing (though he was now officially declared blind in one eye) and he was more than comfortable telling the rest of the media outlets to go fuck themselves. As each passing day went by, Steve saw more and more of his angry mug on social media and the few magazines that were still publishing paper copies. He just wanted the world to stop caring. Was that too much to ask? If they world stopped caring, he could marry both TJ and Bucky and just live a life with them. He could adopt children with them and know they both had full rights. He could walk down the streets holding both of their hands and he could please both of them.

But the world did care.

And Steve couldn’t protect TJ (and himself) and make Bucky happy simultaneously. The world was judgmental, selective and cruel. It would throw Steve into the flames and brandish him all the names the world could spew from judgmental and venomous lips. Whore. Slut. Sinner. Disgusting. Steve had come up with the words on his own. Part of him tried to rationalize to himself that it’d just be the same as when he came out as bi and that’s exactly why he was dragging his feet so hard against the mud.

He was scared. Coming out had been terrifying. He was still paying for it. He’d suffered months of invasive questions, awkward stares and sneers. He’d shut himself in Elaine’s home and pretended the rest of the world didn’t exist. He thought he could take it. He’d been wrong.

“You look like shit,” Natasha evaluated as she sat down with three cups of coffee. She handed Steve his (black) and sipped on whatever sugary drink she got for herself.

“I feel like shit,” Steve answered with a flick of his brow. “It’s been rough.”

“You know, if you want the press off your back all you gotta do is let me know. I’ve got some creative ways at handling them.” The grin on her face was positively sinister.

Steve laughed around his coffee as he sipped it. He clicked his tongue, looking over to Sam on the phone. “Who’s he talking to?”

Natasha pursed her lips. “Maria Hill.”

“Oh?”

Natasha nodded, taking a sip of her coffee. “It’s getting pretty serious.”

“I had no idea,” Steve mused, staring off at Sam. He’d been away from everyone. He’d been so wrapped up in this bubble of TJ and Bucky that he’d almost forgotten to call his friends, send them texts or just in general catch up. He’d gone on that mission with them but even that wasn’t really friendly. It was a job to do and they’d done it. No one talked about their personal life except for the generic, “yeah, everyone’s still alive.”

“You’ve been busy,” Natasha supported, shrugging a shoulder. “He miss you though.”

“I miss him too,” Steve confessed, watching Sam finally hang up the phone. He swallowed hard, feeling a rock of guilt hit the pit of his stomach.

Sam walked over, smiling brightly as he snagged his chair and plopped down into it. “Pumpkin spice latte?”

“Pumpkin spice latte, you white girl,” Natasha teased.

“Damn right,” Sam played back as he snatched his cup and brought it to his lips. He groaned in approval of the drink before pulling back and wiping at his mouth. “So, what’s up man?”

Steve laughed, feeling like a fool and an idiot all at once. Here, he was once again here for himself when he should be asking them questions. He should be catching up with them…not asking his closest friends for advice on yet again another thing and completely surrounded himself. Steve had never felt so selfish.

“Hey,” Natasha piped up softly, touching Steve’s wrist. “I know that face. And stop it.”

Steve smiled sadly at her. “I didn’t even know you and Maria were dating.”

Sam raised his brows, leaning back in his chair. “S’cool. You’ve been busy.”

“I could’ve called. I should have.” He leaned forward, running his fingers through his hair and mussing it up.

“Dude, you’ve been busy. You got slammed with bad press. I get why you went hermit mode.”

“That’s no excuse though!” Steve snapped, bringing his fist down on the table. He knocked his coffee over. “God damn it!”

“Steve,” Natasha consoled, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We love you. We know you’ve been barely holding it together.”

“I didn’t even know you were dating someone. I’ve been so selfish,” Steve grumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“Steve,” Sam began. “You’ve had your hands full with two rather strong personalities. You’ve dealt with media, you’ve dealt with a mission. You’ve dealt with Bucky coming back from the dead. You needed your space. The point is, you called us now.”

“It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been apart, the point is we’re together now,” Natasha said, slipping her hand down Steve’s arm to lace her fingers in his. “You need us. So talk to us.”

Steve wanted to wrap his arms around these two knuckleheads and tell them how much they meant to him. He’d been all business with them on the mission and they were polite enough not to pry into his life. They knew he’d be around when he needed them, but he didn’t like that. He wanted them to be comfortable coming to him when they needed someone too. Not that Natasha would come to anyone. She never did, but Sam? Sam couldn’t always be the therapist. Sometimes he needed a shoulder or a person to listen to him vent and Steve used to be that person before TJ came around. Steve knew this changed now.

He’d make himself more available to his friends and that was final.

“I asked TJ to marry me,” Steve informed.

Both his friends’ eyes went wide.

“Excuse me?” Natasha gasped.

“Have you told Bucky?” Sam questioned.

There it was. The reason Sam had his job security.

“No,” Steve admitted.

“Christ,” Nat sighed. “And you want our opinions?”

“Yeah?” Steve replied sheepishly, ducking his chin.

Sam took a huge gulp of his latte. Steve watched patiently as Sam’s adam’s apple bobbed with each loud swallow. “Man…don’t do it.”

Steve’s mouth dropped open. Instantly he wanted to fight. He wanted to shoot back about how this was how to guarantee TJ’s safety and stability. TJ didn’t have a degree. He didn’t really have a job aside from being an owner of a club, and he wasn’t even doing that very well. He made money by contract but it wasn’t enough to live the way TJ was used to. Steve made money. Steve could provide for TJ, but to do that, he needed to ensure it was ironclad locked in, and what better way to solidify Steve’s intentions than through marriage?

“You’re going to upset the balance with Bucky. Especially if you haven’t asked. Bucky’s still recovering from HYDRA. He’s got a laundry list of triggers and PTSD and if you upset him with this, he could regress. I get wanting to leave something to TJ. I get wanting to make sure if anything happens to you or him, you both have legal power to make decisions or see each other in the hospital but Bucky needs you too. What if he lands in the hospital, Steve?”

Steve felt his throat clamp in. He gripped the table, watching his knuckles go white. “Bucky’s stronger than TJ.”

“Bucky also puts himself in the line of fire more than TJ,” Natasha added. She crossed her arms and legs, looking as poised as a dainty cat yet Steve knew there was a tiger hiding behind those soft lips and round eyes.

“What’re we supposed to do then? Poly relationships aren’t allowed to marry!” Steve threw his hands up in the air. He whined, dropping down to the table and smacking his forehead against it with a huff. “I hate this. I just want them both safe.”

“Healthcare directives. Appoint Bucky as your power of attorney and TJ if Bucky isn’t available as a secondary backup. Write a will. Sure, it can be disputed but make joint accounts with the three of you. Show courts you’ve got all the intention in the world to be with these people. Lastly, come out. Again,” Sam explained.

Steve looked up helplessly. “What about my body after I’m dead? I don’t want the government getting their hands on it.”

“Put in your will you wish for TJ to be your advocate on what to do with your body.”

“You think you’re gonna die soon, Steve?” Natasha asked, quirking a brow.

“I don’t know. Every time I go out there with you guys I wonder if it’ll be the last time. ‘He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword’ kind of deal.”

“You live by the shield though,” Sam reminded. He picked up his latte taking another sip. “Not the sword.”

Steve deflated, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know. This whole thing’s just left me feeling terrified. I mean nothing to TJ and I don’t like that. I mean, legally. I mean nothing. What if he gets hurt again? His family is always traveling or doing something important and he’s often the one left behind. What if they’re not around and there’s a life or death decision to be made? I can’t make that for him. Conversely, he can’t make that for me. What if I land my ass in a coma or something? I have no family. No protection. No one would make that call except the physician.”

Natasha looked to Sam, her eyes exposing a tenderness Steve wasn’t often used to. “He should marry TJ. Avenger or not, we can’t make medical decisions for Steve, but TJ could.”

“Power of attorney though!” Sam argued. “I’m just saying, this is going to kill Bucky. I mean, he’s been there for you your entire life. He’s been the one looking out for you and keepin’ you safe. You throw a ring on someone else’s finger any it’s almost like you’re saying to Bucky he’s no longer the light in your life.”

Steve nodded, listening to Sam’s sensible words. He had a point. Bucky was everything to Steve once. The reason Steve hadn’t told Bucky yet was because he knew Bucky’s viewpoint. Bucky would feel belittled and abandoned or even cast aside. Marriage was a big step, one that Steve saw as the ultimate form of love, but the world wouldn’t let him marry both the loves of his life– just one of them.

“What about if I die? Can I still find a way to make sure the government can’t get ahold of my body?”

“I dunno,” Sam replied. “You can write a will and dictate what should be done with your body but technically the government can make a claim they own your blood.”

“And if I married TJ? Would he have a firmer grasp on it?”

“It? Steve, you’re alive! Why are you thinking about this?” Natasha asked, her eyes round and strained. She reached out to grab Steve’s hand again, squeezing it desperately.

“Because I’ve been ignorant. I sit here thinking about having a family and some sense of stability but more and more realize that that’s not me. But that’s TJ. TJ needs stability and reassurance. I can give that to him.”

“And one day make him a war widow,” Sam commented.

Steve flashed him a disapproving glare. “Me and Buck are soldiers. Is it really that unheard of to plan for the future?”

Natasha sighed heavily, twitching her ankle as she sat with her legs crossed. “So you want to marry TJ to give him a sense of stability, provide additional protection for him, make legal calls and to ensure the government can’t get ahold of your body.”

“Yeah.”

“So tell that to Bucky. Explain to him that it’s not about love but about security. You love them both but you need additional protection.”

“And Bucky? What about his body? He’s got a serum in him too,” Sam challenged. “Look I’m not trying to be unsupportive, I’m just explaining that Bucky’s not gonna see this the way you do.”

“I’ll marry him,” Natasha offered to the gasps of both men at the table. “If you need someone to get Bucky protection, then I’ll marry him. That’ll show even further that this isn’t about love, but security. We protect their bodies, should they die before us, and Steve can further show this isn’t about love but about additional protection.”

“And what about the fact that you and Bucky wouldn’t make joint accounts, Nat? Or the glaring obviousness that Bucky isn’t gonna have that one fly,” Sam deflected, his brow stern and jaw clenching.

“Well what the fuck am I supposed to do, Sam!” Steve exclaimed. He dropped his elbows onto the table, careful to miss his split coffee. He really should get napkins to clean that up. His head was throbbing and all he wanted to do was hide in a ball and find a way to convince the US Supreme Court to somehow magically allow poly marriages.

“I told you! They can’t keep a POA out of medical decisions even if they’re not married to you or family. POA is POA!”

“And what about my body?” Steve challenged, leaning toward Sam. “What about my money and other items I want left to TJ?”

“You planning on a suicide mission that’ll leave both you and Bucky dead? What if Bucky survives you, Steve?” Sam questioned. “You leavin’ everything to TJ and Bucky’s just out in the cold and hoping TJ will give him something?”

Steve dropped his head onto the table, he accidently dipped his eyebrow in cold spilt coffee. “Fuck this,” he grumbled.

“Let’s do this. Step one, you and Bucky fill out Power of Attorney forms and declare TJ and each other as substitutes. Step two, we get you a lawyer who will write an ironclad will and set up some joint accounts. Step three, we talk to Fury about what to do if the government comes after you and Bucky’s bodies. Step four, you back the fuck out of this marriage proposal.”

“Or we could have a private ceremony with all three of them? An exchange of rings and a promise to each other? We could even have the wills signed and have witness there. It’d be like a wedding for all three of them.”

“Except there can’t be any professions of I do,” Steve quipped.

Natasha dropped her arm onto the table, tilting her head to the side. “Steve, do you wanna marry TJ because you just want to marry TJ?”

Steve blinked, feeling completely off guard by the question and left spinning. Of course he wanted to marry TJ, but he wanted to marry Bucky too. He wanted both of them forever and as equals, but that wasn’t happening. No matter how much they did to try to ensure they’d all be protected, there’d still be some form of balance of power issue. A pair would always be stronger than the triad no matter what. The law wasn’t cut out to let more than two people marry. It probably wouldn’t for quite some time.

“I…I just wanna do what’s right. I just want to show them I love them. Both of them.”

“Then option number two,” Sam chirped. “I swear, if you try to marry TJ, you’re gonna lose Bucky.”

Steve nodded, finally standing up to sluggishly move toward the napkins and clean up his mess.

* * *

Bucky knew Steve was avoiding him. All week Bucky tried to get Steve to look at him but the man never would. Steve would dart away, or avert his eyes, or make some stupid excuse up like “I need to poop.” Bucky knew Steve never told anyone when he was going to take a shit. Suddenly he was okay with saying it now?

Bucky sat there on the sofa, TJ’s back pressed against his chest as the man lay tucked under his chin. TJ was scrolling his Instagram while Bucky attempted not to look away from the TV but found himself watching the pictures scroll by on the little screen instead. They must’ve been TJ’s friends. Little snapshots of parties and wide smiles told tiny stories of lives on the smallest screen. Bucky was fascinated by it.

Bucky gently mouthed over TJ’s ear, running the grooves of his teeth over the soft skin. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” TJ responded, still scrolling.

“You okay?” Bucky asked.

“Just getting used to seeing with only one eye,” TJ answered bitterly.

It was like someone took fishing wire and ensnared Bucky’s heart and _pulled_. He wrapped his arms around Bucky, kissing the back of the man’s neck, the thin flesh behind his ear and dropped his face into his shoulder. “If I take my arm off, I’m an amputee. I _am_ an amputee.”

“But you’ve got a metal arm. I don’t have a metal eye.”

“I’ll take it off?”

“Bucky, I don’t want you to take your arm off,” TJ sighed. “I just need to get used to this. I’ve got my other eye still. And, doc said we could do a cornea transplant if a proper donor comes up. I won’t see like I used to, but it’s something?”

Bucky nodded. He ran his hands up and down TJ’s chest, pressing kiss after kiss against the man’s cheek. “You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. And I love you.”

TJ giggled, turning to give a quick peck against Bucky’s lips. “You’re so good to me. And to think I almost hated you.”

Bucky smiled softly, grabbing TJ’s hand and kissing the knuckles. “You were just scared. S’okay.”

Steve came home, bursting through the door to the sounds of hounding reporters outside. He slammed it shut, huffing in irritation.

“Hey, baby!” TJ announced, a huge smile on his face. God, Steve had a way of making TJ light up a room like a fucking Roman candle.

“Hey, how ya feeling, Teej?” Steve asked. He came into the living room, gingerly sitting at the edge of the couch near Bucky’s feet.

TJ wormed out of Bucky’s grasp to scoot into Steve’s lap like a kitten, excited and all smiles. Bucky furrowed his brow, watching the pain etch into the corners of Steve’s eyes. He looked so much older now. Age lines had made their way into his face and his jaw wasn’t always clean shaven anymore. He’d had a beard for a while but shaved it off when he heard about TJ’s accident.

“You okay?” TJ asked, cupping Steve’s face. “You look tired.”

“I am tired,” Steve supplemented. He smiled again, but it looked more for show.

“Wanna talk to us? Since ya know, that’s what we’re supposed to do?” Bucky pointedly reminded.

Steve sighed, kissing TJ on the cheek before whispering in his ear. “Go upstairs. Run a bath and we’ll join you.”

“Promise?” TJ asked, wiggling his hips atop Steve.

Steve bit his bottom lip rutting up against TJ. “Yeah, baby.”

Bucky swallowed, adjusting in his spot to tuck his knees against his chest. “Please don’t beat around whatever the fuck you’re about to say. Just say it.”

“I asked TJ to marry me,” Steve began.

Bucky jumped up from the couch, his eyes round and frantic. “You did what?!” His heart was up in his throat. His very core was attempting to vibrate out of his skin and explode all around him. “THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING STEVE?!”

“Bucky, Bucky wait!” Steve exclaimed, holding up his palms. “Listen to me!”

“NO! FUCK YOU, STEVE!” Bucky shot back. He couldn’t control how badly he was shaking. Bucky had spent years of his life looking out for Steve. He’d given up going to school for Steve. He’d taken odd jobs, done things he wasn’t proud of, sacrificed his time and life for Steve and this was the repayment? To be spat on like he didn’t matter because TJ was shiny and new? Maybe Steve thought it was his way of paying it forward. Bucky had already taken care of Steve, but Steve never had anyone to take care of too. TJ was that project. He was the one in need despite Bucky being _right here._ Bucky was hurting too. Bucky was still battling his demons. Bucky wasn’t healed. Bucky was suffering and Steve choose TJ? Over Bucky?

“I gave up everything for you! I stayed with you when you were sick and I lost most of my friends! I took two jobs so you didn’t have to work! I went without food to get you medicine! Jesus Christ, Steve! Do I really mean nothing to you?!”

“BUCKY! NO!” Steve wailed. “WOULD YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME?!”

Bucky sat down in a defeated flourish. He crossed his legs and arms, glaring murderous intent at Steve.

“I asked him to marry me because I’m scared, Bucky. If TJ’s parents aren’t around, if no one is there for us, who’s gonna make the tough calls if we’re in comas or dying? Who’s gonna take care of TJ if you and I die? Who gets our fucking bodies, Bucky!? We don’t have family!”

“ _I’m_ your family,” Bucky seethed, his whole body radiating with heat as he twitched.

“But you’re not, Buck,” Steve replied, softer now. “We’re lovers. We’re not family. Not unless we put a ring on each other’s finger and–”

“And you decided to pick TJ over me?” Bucky mumbled. “I see how much you care, Steve.” He stood up, trying to move around Steve but the man blocked him, putting a big palm against his chest. “You’ve got three seconds to move that arm or you lose it.”

“Then take it,” Steve growled. “Because I’m not finished explaining this to you. I’m not marrying TJ.”

“He shut you down? Christ, is this why you’ve been avoidin’ me?” Bucky commiserated.

“Yes, but, only when I didn’t know my options. Sam laid them all out for me today. We talked about Power of Attorneys and getting some wills drafted. Advanced healthcare directives. Bucky, please. I just wanted to protect TJ and make sure if this happened again, we could make that call. And, I wanted…” He sighed, sporting that look where he knew he’d done something wrong. Bucky knew that look all too well, though he met it with a cold Winter stare. “I wanted to protect myself too. Figured you’d die out there with me and we’d leave TJ behind.”

“Is everything okay?” TJ asked, his voice unraveled. “Are you two? Okay?”

“We’re fine, TJ,” Bucky responded flatly. “Just gettin’ a little perspective on each other.” Bucky removed Steve’s hand from his chest and finally walked around him. “I’m takin’ a damn walk. If I get hit by a car, Steve? Don’t come see me in the hospital.”

“That’s not funny,” TJ whispered.

“It wasn’t supposed to be,” Bucky finished before grabbing his leather jacket and heading for the door. He felt guilty. He’d managed to drive a wedge so vast between himself and Steve and insult TJ all in three seconds. But he was too proud to turn around and apologize. So he stepped out into the cold autumn night and headed in the direction of the city lights.

* * *

 

Steve spent most of the night crying. TJ didn’t know what to do. He’d draped his arms around Steve, kissed his forehead, stroked his hair but nothing stopped his broken sobs. Nothing stopped the desperate hiccups and soft whispers of Bucky’s name.

TJ had tried to call Bucky several times but it always went straight to voicemail. He’d texted about thirty times before he got one response.

**Stop it.**

TJ should’ve been smarter in the hospital but he’d just been so preoccupied with the fact he’d gone blind in his right eye. He’d known Bucky wouldn’t be okay with this, but he should’ve explained that to Steve and shut down the idea. He shouldn’t have subjected them to this. He groaned, running his fingers through his hair as he listened to Steve wailing in the bathroom. Steve had gone in there under the guise of needing a bath, but TJ knew he just needed space.

TJ sat atop the bed, staring at the boot the doctor had put on his foot so he could walk without needing crutches. It was bulky and he hated when he had an itch, but he liked not using the crutches. Everything had finally seemed to be working out but suddenly everything was back to square one. TJ didn’t even know if Bucky wanted to be part of this anymore. He’d seen them fight. But he always saw them come back together. This was different. Their fights were usually explosive and loud. This one was cold, and Bucky’s face had been so determined. It haunted TJ’s thoughts, making his spine tingle.

Had they lost Bucky?

TJ stood from the bed, hobbling over to the door to knock softly. “Steve?”

The man sniffed in response.

“Can I come in please? I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Fine, TJ.”

TJ winced, knowing full well that Steve was only permitting this because he was a good man, not because he needed TJ around. He didn’t want TJ around right now. Right now, all Steve wanted was Bucky, and that wasn’t something he could have. TJ opened the door, accidently stubbing a toe on his right foot. He wasn’t used to not being able to see out of his peripherals, but he’d not bring it up to Steve. Steve always looked so guilty when TJ talked about things he was going through and right now, this wasn’t about TJ– it was about Steve.

TJ walked in, feeling ashamed and staring at the tub’s clawed feet. Steve was sitting in the tub, but he was completely clothed and the tub was completely dry. “Steve,” TJ gasped. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you this wasn’t a good idea.”

“Excuse me?” Steve challenged. “You’ve been thoroughly excited about this all fucking week.”

“Well of course I have!” TJ shouted, wincing as the room echoed his voice. “I wanna get married, Steve. I want a lot of things, but a lot of them just aren’t practical anymore! I saw my cake and decided I should get to eat it too but look what it did! I knew Bucky wouldn’t like this. I should’ve said so.”

“Bucky was my entire life you know,” Steve stated, picking at his jeans. “My whole world revolved around him and that smile. The smile he used to have. It used to spread all over his face and right down his shoulders. But he can’t smile like that anymore.”

TJ swallowed hard, pressing himself back into the door. “I know.”

“You don’t know,” Steve hissed through a strangled tone. “You don’t know what it’s like at all. I barely know. I spit on everything he’d suffered just because I was selfish. Because I fucked up.”

“Steve–”

“No! TJ, for once, stop trying to rationalize everything and recognize I fucked up! I. Fucked. Up! I did something impulsive and irrational and I tried to explain it entirely too wrong! I should’ve just talked about the legal paperwork. I shouldn’t have brought up that I ever proposed to you.”

“So what?” TJ challenged, feeling tears warm his eyes. “You just proposed on a whim? Saw me bandaged up and thought ‘oh what the heck?’”

“Yes,” Steve whispered bitterly.

“Cool, Steve.” TJ turned the knob to leave. “But I know that’s not true.”

“TJ! TJ, wait,” Steve deflated, dropping his arms over the side of the tub. “I’m sorry. That’s not true.”

TJ nodded, his brows pulling together in an anticipatory gaze as he peered over at Steve.

“What happened to you _terrified_ me,” Steve explained. “If something like that happens to me or Buck, no one but the physician can decide what to do with us and even then…” He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily.

“You’re afraid,” TJ finished. “I get it.”

“I love you. I love you so much, Teej.”

TJ couldn’t help the smirk that teased at his features. He shrugged lackadaisically before stepping further into the bathroom to sit on the toilet next to Steve. “So what do we do now?”

“Not get married,” Steve laughed sardonically. “I’ve gotta get Bucky back.”

TJ nodded. He wouldn’t admit it, but it crushed him to hear he’d never be able to marry Steve. It didn’t mean TJ didn’t love Bucky any less, but Steve was the rock upon which TJ found gravity again. Steve had pulled TJ back from the precipice of drugs and self-loathing. He’d changed TJ forever and for that, Steve would always hold a special place in TJ’s heart. A place where not even Bucky could penetrate or make Steve fall in TJ’s eyes. “You gonna go find him?”

“Bucky’s pretty good at hiding when he doesn’t want to be found,” Steve answered. “I’m hoping he comes back tomorrow.”

“You don’t think he’ll come back tonight?”

“I know he won’t come back tonight.”

* * *

 

Steve had been right. Bucky didn’t return that night, but he didn’t return the night after that, or the night after that– or the night after that.

Steve was just about to alert the military when Bucky finally showed up outside of Elaine’s in a downpour, sopping wet and trembling. Steve had run out the door so fast that he didn’t care about the paparazzi sitting in their cars snapping pictures. Bucky fell into his arms, crying into him and saying over and over how sorry he was for overreacting. Steve held him, stroking his wet hair and whispering softly into Bucky’s ear.  He pressed soft kisses against Bucky’s wet face before finally pulling him up by the elbows and ushering him inside.

TJ had made them hot chocolate white Steve wrangled Bucky out of his wet clothes. Bucky merely looked at his hot chocolate before turning his attention back to Steve. Steve sat at the piano bench, leaning against his knees with his cup of hot chocolate carelessly held by the pads of his fingers.

TJ sat on the sofa with Bucky, but he wasn’t touching him.

Steve was sure that if he took a knife and flicked it into the air, he’d see a sliver of grey tension cut from reality itself and slap down upon the floor– the floor where they’d all made love once. Steve didn’t care about sex. It was fun, and he certainly enjoyed it, but it wasn’t mandatory. What was mandatory was pleasing his boys and right now, TJ was blind in one eye and Bucky was barely hanging onto this relationship. Everything was falling to pieces and Steve? Steve wasn’t sure when he last felt truly happy and at peace. It was always one thing or the other. For once, he just wanted their triad to be fucking happy. How hard was that to accomplish?

Apparently, very hard. Every day was a battle full of compromises and negotiations. Every day was full of tears, grimaces and uncertainty. Was this some kind of punishment? Did he not deserve happiness?  If he didn’t deserve it, then he’d gladly argue that at least Bucky and TJ deserved it. Lord knows they’d suffered enough. Let them find happiness. Steve would wander the world in endless torment if it meant they’d be happy for once. He didn’t care what happened to him as long as they were happy.

“So,” Bucky finally began, shattering the tense silence. “You’re not marrying TJ?”

“No,” Steve answered quickly. “It was an impulsive decision brought on by fear. I was trying to explain to you that we need to secure ourselves better. Boyfriends are great, but at the end of the day none of us have any legal protection. We don’t even have healthcare directives, Bucky. We’re soldiers. We should at least have those.”

Bucky licked his lips, tracing his tongue along them. Steve was ashamed so much that made his stomach swirl with heat. “Healthcare directives.”

“A living will or life-prolonging procedures declaration or there’re even just health care proxy assignments. There’s a lot that we don’t have that we should. We don’t even have a joint bank account, Buck.”

Bucky nodded, finally grabbing his hot chocolate and cupping it gingerly in his hands. “What’s a living will?”

“The short end of it is that once you’re basically a vegetable, there’d be no life prolonging procedures done. You’d die naturally but physicians would make sure you weren’t in pain.”

“And a health care proxy?”

“Similar to a Power of Attorney. I was thinking TJ could be both our primary and then we’d be each other’s backup. I figure if I’m going down, you’re going down with me.”

Bucky smiled softly, a small huff of laughter from his nose. “True statement.”

“I think we should appoint TJ as a POA and forgo the health care proxy. TJ would have more power that way to make decisions regarding what to do if we’re medically unresponsive and he could care for any finances or estates or whatever.”

“Estates?”

“I want a house, Bucky,” Steve professed. “I want us to get out of Elaine’s and fucking move into our own. The three of us.”

Bucky nodded, sipping his hot chocolate. “I want that too,” he said barely above a whisper.

“Can I say how much I hate this conversation?” TJ added. “I mean, really hate it.”

“Would you rather we ignore it and end up in the very situation we just were in with you?” Steve snapped, but immediately recoiled when he’d realized his mistake. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” TJ consoled, offering a soft smile.

“How do we do this?” Bucky asked.

“We go see an attorney,” Steve supplied. “Though there’s the whole issue of where you’re a citizen of. I’m a registered citizen of New York but I don’t know if they’ve reinstated you yet.”

“I was never a New York citizen. They’ll reinstate me with Indiana.”

“Seriously? You never changed your citizenship?”

“I was too busy lookin’ after you, dumbass!” Bucky teased, a smirk playing at his face.

Steve felt his heart flutter. He had to suppress the urge to stand up in an attempt to float away with it. Bucky was coming back around. He’d had his explosion and time to think and now he was back. They were going to get through this, just as they got through everything else.

“But you’re not ready to tell the world we’re all together?” Bucky asked, his brows pinching together, giving him that hopeful look that was more puppy than human.

And just like that, Steve’s bandaged world was being pulled apart at the seams. He opened his mouth but no words came to his lips. He sat there, struggling to find the perfect way to poise his response but he could always see the hope on Bucky’s face pale out and drown against his stormy eyes.

“I’m not ready, Buck. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Bucky shrugged, pursing his lips. “S’fine. Figured I’d try pushing my luck anyway.” He stood up to cross the room to kiss Steve on the forehead. “I’m pissed at you for being an idiot, but I love you.”

Steve huffed out a laugh, looking up at Bucky with watery eyes. “I love you too.”

“Don’t fucking marry him while goin’ to bed or I swear to God, Rogers, I’ll end you.”

Steve nodded, worried that if he tried to talk he’d just break into tears. He’d been impulsive over a week ago at the hospital, but this was an okay alternative. They’d never be husbands, but they’d always be a triad. As long as Bucky and TJ were comfortable with finally moving on, Steve wouldn’t complain.

Stability was a foreign concept to Steve now. He didn’t’ know if he’d ever be pushing baby carts down grocery aisles as Bucky waited in line at the butcher, but he did know he’d always have a home to come back to. One that was populated by one TJ Hammond and he’d cross the threshold holding one Bucky Barnes’ hand.

Stability was a foreign concept– but home was never not in Steve’s cards.

* * *

 

_“Rumor has it that Steve Rogers is secretly seeing his ex, Bucky Barnes, who was recently reinstated by the US military to–”_

“And that’s enough of that crap,” TJ announced as he flicked the TV off with the remote.

“Why? It is’ not actually a lie,” TJ’s grandma said as she sipped on a martini. “He is secretly seeing Bucky.”

TJ rolled his eyes, standing up and accidently slamming his right toes into the coffee table. “Damn it!” he cursed. He grabbed his toes, looking down at the reddening skin. “I hate this.”

“Oh TJ,” Grandma professed. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, Grandma,” TJ said. He padded over into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of water. “Do you need another drink?”

“Please,” she called over to him.

TJ moved over to the bar to pull out the gin.

“So where are your wonder boyfriends? I always enjoy watching Steve cross his arms. Woof.”

TJ laughed, rolling his eyes as he finished pouring another glass for his grandma. “They’re meeting with an attorney to go over how to write a will.”

“Sounds exciting,” Grandma announced as TJ rounded the couch to give her a new glass and take the old one away. She gulped the remainder of the old one and gladly accepted the fresh glass.

TJ brought the martini glass over to the sink and set it aside for now. As he was walking back to the sofa, he accidentally brushed his right arm against the counter but didn’t do any damage to himself. He scratched at the bandages around his eye before sitting back down.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” TJ stated, his brow twitching in confusion.

“Your doctor cleared you from wearing bandages over your eye a few days ago.”

TJ brought his hand up to the bandage, feeling its soft fabric before dropping his hands into his lap. “I don’t wanna see what it looks like.”

Grandma clicked her tongue, shaking her head. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, TJ.”

“It’s over and done with. At least I’m alive.”

“Have they seen it?”

“No. I don’t want them to. Probably will get an eye patch like Nick Fury.”

“TJ,” Grandma sighed. She set her martini down, cupping at her grandson’s hands.

“What else am I supposed to do? Go around showing the world I’m blind?”

“In one eye.”

“Whatever. I’m still blind in it.” He recoiled, bringing his knees up to his chest. “And I’m not getting used to it. The doctor said I’d naturally start accommodating for it but I keep running into shit and I get so dizzy a lot.”

His grandma made a pained expression, grabbing at her chest. TJ would’ve been concerned had her eyes not teared up. “It takes time, sweetie.”

TJ flicked his brow up once before sniffing. “Well I’m not patient enough.”

“Go see what it looks like,” she said, tilting her head in the bathroom’s direction. “It’s all part of your recovery– knowing what you look like, having survived.”

“I don’t want to.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, TJ staring off into a corner of the room and his grandma sipping on her drink. TJ didn’t want to see what his face looked like now. He knew he had little scarring but that didn’t make it any better. He had a bum eye. And everyone in the world would know it too once he stopped wearing the bandages.

Steve and Bucky came through the door, Bucky was laughing at something Steve said from the look of Steve’s proud face. TJ looked over, smiling at them.

Bucky hopped onto the couch, scooping TJ into his arms and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Miss us?”

“Always,” TJ replied. “Did everything go okay?”

“Yup,” Steve said as he came into the room and kissed Grandma on the cheek and then moved to kiss TJ on the lips. “In the event of my death, everything I own goes to both of you in equal shares and if Bucky doesn’t survive me, it’s all yours.”

“Oh goodie,” TJ answered sarcastically. “I’d rather have you.”

“I don’t plan on going anywhere, but we just need to be safe,” Steve answered as he sat at the piano bench. TJ looked over to the piano, furrowing his brow as he realized he hadn’t played since the night he’d met Steve. His fingers twitched as he looked at the keys as if remembering an unsung song.

“Your dad called me,” Steve explained. “Asked me to testify at your trial.”

“There’s really gonna be a trial?” TJ asked.

“He tried to kill you, TJ,” Bucky growled, curling his arms together around the man. “You’re lucky I’m not tearing his head off.”

“And then you’d be on trial,” TJ remarked. He dropped his face into Bucky’s shoulder. “I just wanna nap with one of you.”

“Only one?” Bucky asked, picking TJ up, bridal style, and carrying him toward the back of the house to the stairs. “Nice seeing you Margaret.”

“Nice seeing you two as well,” Grandma replied with a wave of her hand.

They went up the stairs and Bucky plopped TJ on the bed. “Wanna be middle?”

TJ giggled, scooting to the middle of the bed. “Always.”

They wrapped their arms around TJ, Steve resting his head on TJ’s shoulder and Bucky letting TJ lean his head against him. TJ couldn’t see Bucky though– his blind eye obstructed it and everything at that moment became horrifically real. “I can’t see you,” he croaked.

Bucky leaned up, coming into TJ’s line of sight. “TJ…”

“I don’t want a pity party,” TJ replied hastily. “I’ve thrown enough of those for myself. I just… I’ll never be able to see both of you when we’re lying in bed like this ever again.”

Steve whined, pressing his face into TJ’s shoulder and curled his legs around TJ. “Unless you get a cornea transplant.”

“I’ll never have perfect vision even after that,” TJ sighed.

“But you’d be able to see?” Bucky offered. “And even if you don’t, it’s gonna be okay. You will get used to this.”

“Maybe we should put you in contact with Director Fury,” Steve teased, nipping TJ’s shoulder.

“I’m beginning to wonder if anyone actually dies or if everyone is secretly just hiding somewhere underground or something. I mean, I thought Fury was dead, but he’s not. I thought Bucky was dead, but he’s not. We all thought you were dead…but you’re not. Like, does anyone actually die or is that just a myth?” TJ laughed out.

Steve shimmied up to press kisses against TJ’s face, over his cheeks, his nose and around his eyes. “Dunno. You didn’t die either.”

“Huh?”

“You got hit by a car, TJ and you’ve had more than enough near-death experiences for one person. You don’t go down easy either.”

“Cause you’re a fighter,” Bucky offered, glazing his tongue over the soft blue vein in TJ’s throat.

“I know what you two are doing,” TJ analyzed, quirking a brow. “You’re tryin’ to cheer me up.”

“Is it working?” Steve asked, pressing kisses all over TJ’s face.

TJ giggled, reaching up to bat Steve away. “Yeah.”

Bucky pressed himself against TJ’s side, still running his tongue along TJ’s neck. “Can’t wait for your bones to be all healed so I can peel your clothes off and fuck you so _slowly_ you go _mad_.”

TJ laughed, pushing his hips back into the bed. He’d never been so angry at healing ribs and a broken leg than he was right now. “Mmm, that’d be nice.” He turned to place a sloppy kiss on Bucky’s lips.

Steve moved his fingers beneath TJ’s shirt, trailing along the soft ebb and flow of TJ’s abdomen. “We can do other things though.”

TJ’s breath hitched as he watched Steve shimmy down to slip a hand into the waistband of his sweatpants. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Steve encouraged, wrapping two fingers around TJ’s flaccid cock. “I miss you.”

“I’ve not been gone that long!” TJ laughed, leaning into Bucky’s mouth as he nibbled his ear softly.

“Felt like a lifetime to us,” Bucky sighed, his breath hot and comforting against TJ’s face. “Let us take care of you.”

“You’re always taking care of me,” TJ sulked, though his body was betraying him. With each gentle tug of Steve’s fingers his cock was growing harder and harder, sending shivers up his spine that lapped softly against the back of his brain.

“Has it ever occurred to you,” Bucky began before placing a soft kiss on TJ’s mouth. “That we like taking care of you?”

TJ arched into Steve’s hand, letting out the softest groan as the man swirled a finger over his slit. “Maybe once or twice.”

“So shut up and let us love you,” Bucky growled before moving down to join Steve near TJ’s hard cock. He tugged at TJ’s sweats, pulling them down and slipping them down to where the cast on TJ’s leg began.

“Just relax and let us make you feel good,” Steve whispered, pressing soft kisses along TJ’s hip and Adonis lines. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”

TJ rolled his eyes, but he pushed his head into the feather pillow beneath his head, letting his eyes slip closed. He gasped in surprise when he felt cold fingers swirl over his balls before coiling around his dick. He looked down to see Bucky’s metal hand lazily pumping him over. It was cold and the small grooves in the plates provided additional texture that TJ guessed would hurt and not feel so good, but here it was, cool and good and TJ was already starting to whimper.

“You like that?” Bucky asked, flicking his tongue out to clean away the small dot of precome that ebbed out.

“S’cold,” TJ breathed out, gently pushing his hips up, greedy to feel more.

“Want our mouths instead?” Steve asked. “Those are warm.”

TJ laughed, flicking his brows up once before nodding softly. “Please?”

“So good, baby,” Bucky praised, moving his metal hand back to TJ’s balls before rolling them between his warming fingers. “Always so polite.”

“Such politeness should be rewarded,” Steve encouraged. “Right, Bucky?”

The smirk Bucky gave was devilish, his lips red and shiny from how much he was running his tongue along them. TJ wanted to know if he looked that good. Bucky always looked that good. Did TJ have lips that could bring priests to their knees? Nuns gasp and silently pray to the Virgin Mary? Those are the kind of lips Bucky had. Did TJ?

“Absolutely, Stevie,” Bucky indulged. He leaned over TJ’s cock, letting the tip press against his cheek as he caught Steve’s lips in a beautiful kiss, one that exposed teeth and tongues. TJ found himself whining, pressing his dick up along Bucky’s bristly face as he watched their tongues swirl around each other, watched lips swell with blood and listened to that soft hum from Steve’s throat.

“I love you both,” TJ whispered, his gaze dropping to the shiny trail he left on the side of Bucky’s face. “I love you both so fucking much it hurts.”

Steve smiled, no more teasing or play in his eyes. They were warm like a summer sunset and TJ found his own eyes getting wet in response. “We love you, Teej,” Steve affirmed. “And we’re gonna do everything to protect you and make sure this never happens again.”

Bucky ran his nose along TJ’s cock, pressing a finger against the slit to smear the precome around. “No one’s gonna take you from us,” he added before gently enveloping TJ’s cockhead into his mouth.

TJ pressed back into the pillows, biting down on his bottom lip as he fought the urge to moan loudly. His grandma was downstairs, for Christ’s sake! Bucky’s mouth was hot and eager and he sucked so gently it made TJ want to cry.

Steve gently moved TJ’s good leg over his shoulder. He brushed his nose against TJ’s balls before lapping at them. He sucked a ball into his mouth, humming around it.

TJ’s muscles clenched in as he groaned out. He grabbed desperately at Bucky’s hair, curling his fingers into the locks as he softly rocked his hips back and forth into Bucky’s wet mouth.

Bucky swirled his tongue around TJ’s tip, letting the softest little sucking sounds escape his shiny red lips. God, he was beautiful when he took dick into his mouth– lashes black and long against his cheeks, mouth so red and jaw so refined. TJ prayed to God he looked that good when he had either of his lover’s dicks in his mouth.

He gasped, pulled from his thoughts when Steve’s tongue swirled around his cockhead, slipping around Bucky’s tongue. They both lapped at TJ’s length, kissing each other sloppily and loud every now and then but their focus was entirely on TJ.

TJ watched, his eyes shiny from the wave of emotions he was feeling, protected, warm, wanted…loved, but transfixed. So transfixed on his supersoldiers and how they were working him over. His dick was red, and just as shiny as his lover’s lips. Steve’s tongue was softer, but Bucky’s knew _exactly_ where to move and press against. He wielded that tongue just as expertly as TJ was sure he knew how to wield a gun.

“I love you,” TJ said again, unable to hold it back as it rose in his chest like a bubble of air clamoring for the surface.

Bucky looked up from between his bangs and smirked, knowing exactly what TJ was saying. He flicked his tongue out, pressing it forcefully against TJ’s slit until the man was mewling and rubbing himself against Bucky’s tongue.

“Easy, baby,” Steve instructed, holding TJ’s hips down. “Your leg’s still broken.”

“You two are murdering me,” TJ panted, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Is it too much?” Steve asked, his eyes etched with so much concern TJ thought he may forget how to breathe.

“N-no,” TJ said as he pressed his lips together, fighting off the urge to moan as Bucky’s metal fingers swirled around his asshole. “Just, it just feels good and I can’t get my heart to stop racing.”

Bucky laughed, still swirling those cool fingers around TJ’s entrance. “You wanna stop?”

“No!” TJ gasped, pushing against Bucky’s fingers in a silent plea to keep going. “I don’t know what I feel. It’s just so much.”

“It is overwhelming,” Steve supplied, crawling up the bed to wrap an arm around TJ. He pulled TJ into his chest, stroking fingers along the man’s cheekbone. “Loving two people with so much of your being.”

“Yeah,” TJ agreed, his eyes still misty and blurring. He wouldn’t hold back the tears, not in front of them. These were the only people in the entire world that TJ knew would never judge him for how he felt. They’d always love him. They’d always support his decisions even if they disagreed. They loved him. Loved. Him.

“Sometimes I get dizzy,” Steve began. “When I look at you both and try to think about how I got here. _We’re_ not perfect. _This_ isn’t perfect but it’s what it’s exactly supposed to be for us. And when I try to think on how much I love you two, I forget how to breathe and my lungs start clamping up like they used to before the serum.”

Bucky whined, deep and sympathetic in the back of his throat. He curled his flesh hand around TJ’s base, just holding it while his metal fingers still lazily circled around TJ’s hole.

Steve looked at him compassionately, their eyes having those silent conversations that TJ once thought he could never be part of, till he caught himself understanding them. In all of Bucky’s life, the most helpless he ever felt was when Steve was sick. Bucky was and forever would be Steve’s protector. TJ couldn’t imagine the fear Bucky had experienced when Steve couldn’t breathe at night, or when their apartment was so cold Steve couldn’t stop shaking. And the look that Steve gave back? The look of sympathy and understanding. He knew exactly what Bucky was feeling and in his eyes was a silent thank you, a silent declaration of appreciation that Bucky had protected him and he was here _because_ of Bucky.

TJ could translate those silent conversations now. He was just as privy to them as Steve and Bucky were and that only served to make more tears slip from his eyes. He wasn’t the third wheel. He wasn’t the lesser. He was their equal. Equal in anything and everything and loved just as much.

He pushed his face into Steve’s neck, breathing in deep and taking in the almond scent that TJ grew to associate with Steve’s skin.

“I’d rather be overwhelmed then without either of you,” TJ whispered into Steve’s neck, kissing it softly. “I’d die without you.”

Steve grimaced, pulling TJ just a bit closer into his chest. “Us too.” His voice was hesitant and tight and it sent alarm bells through TJ but Bucky was still stroking at his cock and swirling those cool, hard fingers around his hole. He could honestly stop at any moment and TJ would feel as satisfied as if he’d just come. It wasn’t about coming right now. It was just comfort and a reminder that TJ wasn’t alone.

Steve kissed TJ’s forehead before slipping back down his body to join with Bucky. “We can talk about it later?”

TJ huffed through his nose softly, grinding his teeth together. TJ may know how to read Steve and Bucky now, but that meant that Steve and Bucky knew how to read him and Steve had probably heard those alarms in TJ’s head.

“We just wanna make you feel good right now,” Steve finished, placing the softest kitten licks against TJ’s cock.

TJ sucked in a gasp, arching his neck, worries and alarm bells pushed aside. He heard a bottle squirting and before he could even look back down, lubed up metal fingers were pressing into his hole and circling around inside him. “Oh fuck,” he whispered, pressing down on Bucky’s fingers.

Steve and Bucky licked up and down his cock, both of them curling their lips over his cockhead before slipping into each other’s mouths for needy, wet kisses.

TJ tried to keep his eyes open but Bucky’s fingers were filling him up, pressing against his prostate softly and pulling tiny moans from TJ’s lips. Watching them flick their tongues out to coat his dick with shiny saliva and how they’d kiss each other was entrancing and TJ was falling more and more intoxicated on the euphoria of how comforted he felt with them doing this.

These men were his and he theirs. And _Christ_ , did they make him feel good. His body was humming, bones warming and melting like wax from a lit candle. _God_ , speaking of that, he wanted to do that again. He’d never thought of wax play but ever since the day Steve let tiny warm droplets of wax fall against his skin, he craved it. It was intimate and beautiful, almost as beautiful as watching Steve’s tongue dance around Bucky’s along the curves of his cock before tracing up into Bucky’s mouth and around his lips.

TJ felt warm tears against his cheeks as he watched them, his eyes fluttering when Bucky would rock his fingers up into him, pressing against his prostate. He was so full. Full of love, full of metal fingers and overstimulated with warm tongues that emanated all the love their owners embodied for him.

TJ hadn’t realized he was even coming before he saw Bucky’s lips wrap around his tip and sucking it into his mouth. He whined, arching his back as his orgasm washed gently against his nerves, caressing them like a lazy morning tide in the ocean. It hadn’t been about coming or wild, passionate sex. It was about love. It had always been about love.

Bucky swirled his fingers inside TJ, rocking them back and forth a few more times as TJ’s muscles fluttered around him, unsure of whether to keep him locked inside or push him out.

Steve’s lips were trailing up TJ’s hip, over his sides and up to a nipple before he sucked it softly into his mouth.

TJ moaned, arching into Steve’s kiss, his fingers moving to bend and twist into Steve’s short blond locks. “I love you so much it hurts,” TJ gasped, swirling his hips down on Bucky’s metal fingers.

Bucky was nudging at TJ’s softening cock, letting his cheekbones graze against it, his nose trace along it. It was soft and lazy but felt better than when Bucky was sucking him into his mouth with all the force of a cyclone.

TJ whimpered, wrapping both of his arms around Steve and tugging him up. “Up, both of you up.” He couldn’t see through his tears, but he could make out the colors of Steve’s pink-flushed skin and Bucky’s warm olive tone.

They folded against him, both their chests pressing against either side of him as he wrapped his arms around them, needy and urgently.

“I love you, Teej,” Steve whispered into one ear before sucking softly against his earlobe.

“Forever,” Bucky finished on the other side, kissing all over the right side of TJ’s face. He couldn’t see Bucky, even if the bandages weren’t over his right eye, he still wouldn’t be able to see Bucky– but he could feel him. That was enough now, right? TJ had to believe so. He still had his left eye, and that was more than what so many others had. He had the love of not one but two men who had lived through impossible circumstances that led them to TJ.

TJ would never be the same, but the men that were with him now weren’t the same boys who used to fool around dance clubs and Brooklyn. They’d all changed. None of them were the naïve and innocent boys they’d once been.

TJ had only joined those ranks now, just as strong and just as equal...

And just as loved.

* * *

 

It took several weeks to convince TJ to finally take his bandages off his eye. They’d served no other purpose aside from hiding what was beneath them. Bucky was sitting at the piano, his fingers gripping the wood of the bench so tightly that he was sure he could hear it groaning against him, pleading not to apply any more pressure lest it break.

Steve was on the sofa with Elaine, and TJ’s grandma. Elaine had finally found a moment to breathe from her campaign and she’d come straight home to finally be with TJ. She’d asked Bucky and Steve if perhaps a vacation would be good for them and while Bucky had advocated to get out of this damn country and go explore Europe for a bit, Steve thought continuing their plan was better.

So they were going to start going house hunting– just him and Steve, though TJ had other issues to sort out. Bucky wasn’t thrilled about having to tell realtors that he was just helping Steve find a place but he’d play along for now. Steve wasn’t ready to go public as poly and Bucky had to accept it. It stung. It stung worse than a bee getting stuck beneath his skin but it was what it was, and there was no changing it. Steve had been beaten and flayed by the media once, and he was still healing from it. Bucky understood Steve didn’t want all his flesh torn from bone before it had a moment to heal.

TJ had been in the bathroom now for fifteen minutes and everyone in the room was getting anxious. Even Margaret seemed too anxious to drink her rum and coke.

“Someone should go in there,” she announced, gripping her glass so tight her knuckles were white.

“He’ll come out when he’s reading,” Steve affirmed, his voice sure and full of the authority it was well-known for.

Bucky tilted his head to the side, watching Margaret finally take a sip of her glass.

Elaine sighed heavily, running her fingers through her red hair. “I can’t believe that bastard hit my son.”

“Sympathy’s on our side,” Doug said as he leaned against the archway into the room. “The jury’ll rule in our favor and put that guy behind bars.”

“If they don’t,” Bucky growled. “None of you can stop me from findin’ him.”

Elaine swallowed loudly. “You need to be on your best behavior.”

“He shouldn’t have tried to kill my boyfriend. _Your_ son.”

“Bucky,” Steve chastised. “One step at a time. We may not even need to go to trial. The prosecutor’s trying to get a plea bargain out of him.”

“Seriously?” Bucky snapped, his brow furrowing. “We’re gonna let that shithead walk?”

“He’s looking at jail time, Buck,” Steve sighed. “One step at a time.”

“Whatever you say, _Captain_ ,” Bucky bit back, his eyes glaring into Steve’s unwavering ones. Plea bargain or not, that man tried to kill TJ and he left him blind in one eye and subjected him to months of physical therapy to get full use of his leg back. There’d been more nerve damage around the knee than the doctor originally thought. TJ still had that stinking boot on but it was possible he’d walk with a soft limp for the rest of his life depending on how well he healed. Luckily, he was in relatively good health and a young age to bounce back, but only time would really tell.

Whatever Steve almost said was forever drowned back into his throat as TJ finally entered the room. Bucky bit the inside of his cheek, watching Steve stand up and greet him. TJ had scarring around his eye.  It wasn’t terribly big, but Bucky could see the slightly shiny scar tissue that ran down the side and tapered off just before the cheekbone. Maybe this is why TJ wanted to hide his face.

“TJ,” Steve whispered, cupping his hands around the back of TJ’s neck. “You’re beautiful.”

TJ scoffed but he dropped his face against Steve’s chest and wrapped his arms around Steve.

Bucky stood up, unable to hold back anymore and wrap his arms around both of his lovers. He felt TJ shake, heard the soft gasps as he tried so hard to keep from crying but it was a losing battle. TJ cried into Steve’s chest. Bucky looked up, seeing Steve’s tense face– the lines around his eyes were etched with concern, his lips were open but trembling as he struggled to think of something to say. Bucky squeezed his shoulder, forcing Steve to look over at him. Bucky shook his head, a soft ‘no’ that resounded in Steve’s body as he stilled and just went to hold TJ instead. They couldn’t say anything. No words would give TJ back his full sight. No words would make the pain go away or the memories fade.

This was TJ’s life now, and it did no good to pity him, especially because he didn’t deserve pity. He deserved acceptance.

TJ pulled back first, gently peeling himself from Steve and Bucky. He dropped against his mother and she wrapped her arms around him, cupping the back of his head while his grandmother rubbed his back softly.

Bucky cleared his throat, jerking his head in the direction of the dining room. Steve followed. They pressed themselves into a corner by the window. Bucky crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. “He needs to be with them for a bit.”

“Bucky,” Steve sighed, scrubbing his fingers over his face. “What do we do for him?”

“We don’t change anything. We don’t let him feel like anythin’s different. He’s still just as strong as he ever was.”

“But he’s not strong, Bucky!” Steve hissed softly, his gaze darting over to the small archway into the room to make sure no one was listening to them. “He’s a porcelain doll ready to shatter.”

“And we’ll catch the pieces if that happens, just like we always have.”

“You mean just like I always have,” Steve corrected, a burning anger in his eyes that reminded Bucky of the days he was several feet shorter.

“Excuse me?”

“I was helping get him clean long before you came back, Bucky. I’ve been trying to put him back together for almost a year now and no matter what, something always happens and he _always_ breaks again.”

“Wow, Steve,” Bucky stated. “That sounds like you’ve got a lot of faith in him.”

Steve huffed, squeezing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “That’s– that’s not how this was supposed to sound.”

“I’m not angry at you, Steve,” Bucky commented. “But I think you’re confusin’ TJ’s fragility with your own. You’re also on the verge of shattering.”

“And you aren’t?” Steve questioned, his eyes still dark and creased. “Bucky you had a full-blown attack when I was away.”

“That was over a month ago, Steve!” Bucky pushed himself off the wall, standing straight up and looking into Steve’s eyes with a challenging expression. “I’ve been fine.”

“Fine is code for ‘not doing well at all,’ Bucky.”

“Steve,” Bucky began, running fingers through his hair and tugging at them to keep his hands busy. “I’ve got myself under control. We need to focus on TJ and getting’ all those papers we worked on straightened out.”

“And then what, Bucky? Then you just pretend that your life as HYDRA’s attack dog didn’t happen?”

“Don’t call me that,” Bucky growled, pointing menacingly at Steve.

“But that’s what you were, Bucky!”

“Steve! Stop!” Bucky snarled, pressing himself into the corner. He expected this from the military. He expected this from those high enough up in the government to know but not from Steve. Never from Steve. Steve was supposed to be the one person that never put a label on what Bucky was to HYDRA.

“HYDRA’s out there, Bucky! Do you think they’ve just elected to ignore you? Do you think everything you did is just really going under the carpet?”

“First off, _Rogers–_ I didn’t do anything. I was brainwashed and manipulated! Do you know what they did to me in the beginning?!” Bucky’s voice was breaking, strained from the hurt that pressed against his lungs and squeezed harshly. His fingers were trembling but he still took a step forward, getting into Steve’s personal space and looking up at him. Christ, when would he ever get used to looking up at Steve. He hadn’t even gotten used to it back during the war and sometimes it still caught him off guard just how tall Steve was now.

“Bucky,” Steve responded, his voice a controlled and soft whisper. “You don’t have to prove that to me.”

“But I feel like I do. I feel like if I don’t explain this to you, then you’re always gonna think that I did that on my own.”

“No! I saw what they had you in!”

“But it wasn’t always like that!” Bucky groaned back. His shoulders were heaving as Steve stepped back, waiting patiently for Bucky to explain.

“They used you against me,” Bucky admitted, feeling painfully ashamed. He’d never spoken this aloud and most of him wished he never had but he just felt so cornered. If Steve understood…if Steve knew just how much damage really happened then maybe he wouldn’t have to fill in the blanks himself. It wasn’t Steve’s fault. Bucky knew Steve didn’t hold any of the things HYDRA had Bucky do as actions of Bucky’s but that didn’t mean Bucky was without some fault. There was a responsibility there and he had to explain it just so Steve really knew, so he could _understand_ partly behind why Bucky wanted so desperately to just avoid the situation entirely.

Steve didn’t respond. He just crossed his arms and waited patiently for Bucky to continue.

Bucky closed his eyes, unable to look Steve in the eye as he spoke. “At first they told me they had you captive. If I listened, they wouldn’t hurt you. If I did what they wanted, they’d let me see you. I swallowed that pill for almost a year until I was out on a mission and finally heard that you’d died.” Bucky took in a shaky breath. He wasn’t crying. He couldn’t. Not about this. He wouldn’t let HYDRA have his tears right now. Not when TJ’s whole perception of life was rattled.

“For an entire year, Steve. I killed willingly for them. I let them train me and…the experiments. I did it all _willingly_ and then–”

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky, cupping the back of his head and burying his face into Bucky’s neck. He didn’t speak. He didn’t sigh or whine or make any sound. He just held Bucky and slowly, hesitantly, Bucky found it in himself to hug Steve back.

Bucky would never know what his initial consent meant in the grand scheme of things, but he knew. He’d willingly subjected himself to HYDRA in Steve’s name, only to find out it’d all been a lie. He’d know. He’d remember. And when he found out it was all a lie? That’s when the memory wipes started. Piece by piece, Bucky slowly forgot who he’d been. He’d slowly forgot who this little kid was back in Brooklyn. He’d even forgotten what Brooklyn was. Piece by piece, it mattered less and less, but now, Bucky remembered. Bucky knew everything again, or as much as he thought he’d recover and with acute clarity, he could remember his initial ‘yes.’ He’d betrayed his country, his people, his brothers in arms all in the name of Steve Rogers.

His loyalty never lay with the great USA or allies. It never lay with his president or his politicians. It would always and forever lie with Steve Rogers– not Captain America, not the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan. Steve. Just Steve.

“Is everything okay?” a voice called from the doorway.

Steve slowly pulled back, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s forehead. “We’re good, TJ.”

TJ looked at his feet, a sour expression on his face.

“Did I ever tell you that I think men with scars are hot?” Bucky asked, sliding over to TJ and wrapping an arm around him. He was done feeling vulnerable right now. He hated it. He hated how sometimes it felt that Steve was splitting his insides open and staring right at his soul. It left Bucky exhausted and utterly uncomfortable but at the same time he was so appreciative of Steve’s uncanny ability to just… _get_ _it_. No long or complicated explanations needed to be had. Steve listened, he understood and they moved on. Bucky could carry his guilt and handle it the way he needed to, but at least Steve just understood.

TJ leaned his head against Bucky’s shoulder rolling his eyes. “If someone makes me a metal eye, we could match.”

Bucky laughed, pulling TJ closer to place a kiss against his head. “It’d be like we’re twins.” They laughed at Bucky’s joke, giving Bucky the full opportunity to move past his brief moment with Steve. He knew he was far from ‘fine’ but right now, TJ was the priority.

Bucky would deal with himself later.

* * *

 

“Where’re you taking me?” TJ asked as he sat in the back of the SUV with Steve. Bucky was up in the front with the driver.

Steve smiled, shrugging a shoulder. “You’ll see.”

“Seriously, Steve? That’s so lame!” TJ pressed his face to the window, looking at the suburban homes they passed by.

“Patience is a virtue, didn’t your ma teach you that?” Bucky asked as he turned around in his seat, reaching a metal hand out to ruffle TJ’s hair.

TJ squirmed beneath Bucky’s hand, dipping over into Steve and pressing his back into the man’s side.

“And seatbelts?” Steve asked, gently pushing TJ back into his seat and pulling the seatbelt around him to secure him in.

“God, you’re both worse than my mom.” TJ looked out the window again, his curiosity brimming as the homes starting to get further and further apart with yards and swimming pools. “How much further?”

“Not long,” Steve answered, an amused smirk at his lips.

TJ sighed dramatically, slumping back into his seat. “I hate you both.”

“No you don’t,” Bucky answered quickly. “You love us so much it hurts.”

TJ smiled, knowing exactly when and where that line had come from. His leg was still in the boot, so sex wasn’t really in the cards, but they loved going down on him like a God damned lollipop. Each time TJ would find himself less engaged in the sexual acts themselves and more in the fact that these two men loved him beyond everything else in the world. Of course each time he’d cry and of course each time he’d tell them he loved them so much it hurt. “Using my words against me, Barnes?” TJ pressed his hand over his heart. “I’m hurt.”

“You love me.” Bucky turned completely around in his chair, wrapping his metal and flesh arms around the headrest.

“Bucky, seatbelt!” Steve urged.

“I’m fine, Steve. I want a kiss.”

TJ’s brows shot up his forehead. “You’re too far away.”

“Meet me halfway. I wanna a kiss!”

TJ rolled his eyes but he leaned as far as his seatbelt would let him before his lips finally pressed to Bucky’s. He pulled back after a second, licking his lips in approval.

Bucky turned back around in his seat and settled in again.

TJ chewed at his bottom lip, looking at Steve from his good eye, the street lost to him from his blind eye. He often lost his balance now and ran into things he used to know where there, but more or less, he was adjusting. He hated it, but at least he was alive and best of all– he was loved.

So loved.

So loved they were taking him to somewhere in the suburban neighborhoods around Washington DC and were refusing to tell him where they were going. TJ would pretend all he wanted that he hated it, but he loved it. He was loving every damn second of it.

Luckily, the man who’d hit TJ agreed to take a plea bargain. Bucky hadn’t been happy but when TJ said he was, that was the end of that. Bucky had grumbled up to bed but the second TJ got there, the man had curled around TJ like a monkey and that was the end of that discussion.

TJ finally felt like they were moving on in their lives despite everything not being quite right. Bucky still had to lie to the world. Steve was lying to the world. Their relationship was still shrouded because of Steve’s wishes, but they were still moving on. TJ couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but he knew this was progress. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t felt jealous in three months at this point. Maybe it was because they did everything as a triad, or none of them did anything at all.

They always kissed each other together. They always engaged in intimacy with each other. Their texts were even constantly in group texts no matter how big or small they were. Everything was equal and no one was of lesser value.

TJ could finally admit that despite his eye, despite his leg and the nagging feeling in the back of his brain– he was happy. They made him happy. He _made_ them happy.

“We’re here,” Steve said as he slipped from the SUV.

TJ looked up at a large graystone house with black wooden beams and shutters. It had a six-foot privacy fence running along the land to separate the back and front yards and a sign that said ‘for sale’ out front. Instantly, TJ knew what was going on. “I can’t afford this,” he said.

“You don’t have to,” Bucky answered, wrapping an around TJ’s waist and pulling him close. Steve came around the other side, pressing a kiss to TJ’s temple.

“We’re not asking you to pay for it,” Steve supplemented.

“I can’t let you do that,” TJ argued softly. “I mean there’s–”

“Woah there, sailor,” Bucky cut him off. “You think you’re livin’ here for free? Hell no. You’re goin’ to school. You’re gettin’ a job after that. You’ll be contributing just as much as us.”

“Going to school?” TJ repeated. “Bucky, I don’t even–”

“We know you don’t want to be a piano teacher, and that’s fine. But you could do anything. You’re still young, TJ,” Steve spoke softly, pressing kisses to TJ’s temple periodically. “You can be anything you want.”

“I don’t–”

“We’re not askin’ you to figure it out right now,” Bucky rushed. “You gotta work on healin’ first. But one day. You’re goin’ to school and that’s that.”

TJ stared up at the house, his throat clamping in on itself as tears forced their way into his eyes. He gaped, just staring and reeling. The sheer amount of belief these two had in him… the dedication and the certainty that TJ could amount to something. That he could _do_ something. No one had believed in him. Sometimes it was hard to even figure out if his mother believed in him. She walked on eggshells just like the rest of the world around him, even if she meant well.

“What about the club?” TJ asked as they led him toward the house. It had a four car garage. A mother fucking four car garage…

“Is that something that really makes you happy?” Steve asked as they walked up the cobblestone pathway to the front door. Bucky pulled out a key from the lockbox and opened the door to the grand foyer with its curving staircase and crystal chandler.

“Christ,” TJ whispered, staring up at the high ceilings. “It’s a fucking castle.”

“I mean, we plan to fill this place up with dogs and maybe kids one day,” Bucky explained.

“Kids?” TJ gasped. “What?”

“Calm down!” Bucky laughed, holding out his palms. “Nothin’ yet, well, ‘cept the dogs, but that’s cause I fuckin’ love dogs.”

TJ snorted, but his mind was still fixed on the idea of children. Could the three of them really raise kids? Was that even okay? Allowed?

“There’s a pool out back and a home theater in the basement. We thought you’d enjoy a pool,” Steve explained as he led TJ into the large kitchen with the white quartz counters and sleek black backsplash.

“I’d love a pool,” TJ said as he moved to the backdoors and slipped onto the patio. The pool was large and curved and there was a waterfall over a rock formation that gushed into it. “And you two can afford this?”

“Absolutely,” Bucky said. “I’ll be makin’ quite a bit with the government and Steve’s got a good gig goin’ with the Avengers. Tony refuses to not pay him.”

“Seriously?”

Steve smiled, shrugging softly. “He knows I’ve got you to spoil.”

“Consider me spoiled rotten,” TJ breathed out, moving into the yard to see just how big the backyard was. It wasn’t overly large, but there was enough room to play kickball if they ever decided to go the child route, which Steve and Bucky seemed like they wanted. Would TJ make a good dad? Would the kids even call him that? Three dads, how did having three dads work?  

“Hey TJ,” Steve called from the porch. He was holding a manila folder in his hands, one that TJ hadn’t noticed before. TJ slowly walked back toward him, his brow furrowing.

“Legally, we can’t get married,” Steve explained. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t figure out other ways to show how committed we are to you.”

TJ swallowed, his throat sticky and dry from shock. He looked over to Bucky who just stood there with a smirk on his face.

Steve set the manila folder down before moving to get onto a knee.

The very air in TJ’s lungs left him, like a punch to the gut as he gasped, trying to squeeze in what little air he could. Steve pulled out a small box from his jeans, opening it to reveal not a ring, but a pen. TJ blinked a moment of confusion dancing across his eyes.

“TJ,” Bucky said as he too got onto a knee, slipping the folder open and offering up several documents to TJ. “We want you to know how seriously committed we are to you.”

TJ looked over the documents, his eyes misting over as he read the pages. “These are…wills and…healthcare directives? Power of Attorney?”

Steve held up the pen, it was a beautiful pen, one that TJ was sure glided across paper like a delicate figure skater. “It’s how we protect each other. We worked with an attorney to make sure that you’re the sole decision-maker should both me and Bucky get incapacitated. If we both die, you get everything we ever had. I just wanted to make sure what happened with you in the hospital never happens to us again just because the world isn’t ready to accept how much we love each other.”

TJ dropped down before them, his mouth inelegantly opened and eyes round. “So this is the closest thing you two could get to a three-way marriage.”

“Damn right,” Bucky answered. “So you’re gonna sign them? Because I’d love to know that I’ve got you for the rest of my life.”

“Me too,” Steve commented. “We love you, Teej.”

“So much it hurts,” Bucky finished.

TJ felt tears slip from his eyes. He scooted closer, throwing his arms around them as they pulled him against them. “I hate you both. I love you both, but I hate you.”

They laughed, nuzzling and kissing him softly. No one had ever gone to such great lengths to prove to TJ just how serious they were. No one had ever believed in TJ the way they believed in him.

He’d found the two men he loved more than life itself. And damn right he’d spend the rest of it with them– forever.

* * *

 

_Two months later_

Moving was easy enough when a bunch of Avengers decide to be your personal movers. Thor and Steve did most of the heavy lifting. Nat kept to helping TJ with most of the artwork around the house and Bucky of course wouldn’t let anyone but himself and Steve move the piano. It was a beautiful housewarming party, full of loud friends, superheroes and the sobering realization that TJ didn’t really have any friends– not real ones anyway. Most of his friends were still caught in the addiction to drugs, and if he was sober, they didn’t want anything to do with him. So he didn’t want anything to do with them. Besides, getting Pepper Potts’ personal number was more gratifying than having a drug dealer on speed dial.

It was the evening just after everyone had finally said their goodbyes and went about their way. TJ didn’t really know what superheroes did when they weren’t out saving the world, but he was pretty sure most of them did something similar to Steve and Bucky.

Though, Bucky had started his job. He’d mostly been doing day trips and after fourteen hours would come home, reeking of smoke and blood. He’d never let them touch him till he was done showering and then it was back to hugs and kisses as usual. He never talked about his missions. Never talked about his job, or his co-workers.

TJ wasn’t sure Bucky was even allowed to, though he was absolutely sure Bucky wouldn’t talk about it anyway.

They were all on the couch, staring at the large plasma TV that Tony had bought them for a housewarming gift. It was one of those fancy curved ones and TJ honestly was pretty sure it was magic from how clear and vibrant it was.

TJ was tucked under Steve’s chin and Bucky was sprawled out over TJ’s lap so Steve could run his fingers through Bucky’s long hair. He’d refused to cut it even after some fancy-decorated general came by to try to convince him to cut it. He’d at least repainted his arm. The red star was gone and in its place was the Captain America insignia.

Steve had cried when Bucky first revealed it to him. It was a rare occasion, but TJ left them alone to make love that night. They’d protested but TJ felt that some things like that were better spent between them. TJ would never understand the significance behind a paintjob, but Steve did. And TJ didn’t mind one way or the other. He knew when he crawled into bed that same night they’d fold around him and everything would be good. Because it was good.

They’d turned their attention from the media, from drugs and the fears of how to make this relationship work and were finally just…living it.

Word was naturally traveling around the neighborhood about them. Steve didn’t hide it when he kissed Bucky after they’d return from respective missions and TJ didn’t hide when he would go for a walk with the two of them and hold their hands. The neighbors knew and while some raised their brows, no one dared say anything to Sergeant Bucky Barnes and Captain America. Word would get to the media and the hellfire would raise again, but Steve didn’t seem to care as much. He was much more relaxed now, deciding his time was better left to arguing with Bucky about what kind of dog they should get and always trying to make TJ be the tie breaker. TJ wasn’t even sure what kind of dog they should get. Part of him liked the idea of getting an afghan hound after Tony’s joke that they looked like Bucky with all the hair.

Someone knocked at the door, drawing TJ’s attention as the three of them looked over in unison.

“Bucky? You’re the one who can get up the easiest,” Steve said.

“Nn, fuck you Steve,” Bucky growled playfully, rolling off the couch and crawling before he finally stood up.

“I like him crawling on his knees,” TJ jested, snuggling into Steve’s arms more. “We should make him do that sometime.”

Steve barked out a laugh, pressing the softest kiss he could probably muster against TJ’s nose. “You venturing into power bottom territory?”

“If it gets Bucky crawling over to me then hell yeah I am.”

“Uh, Steve!” Bucky shouted as he ran back into the large living room. His eyes were wide and he looked pale despite his usual olive complexion.

Steve tensed, clearly wanting to spring up but TJ was in the way. TJ moved quickly, scooting off Steve to stand and join Bucky. “What is it?” he asked.

“Steve…” Bucky rasped. His shoulders were slumped, like a child about to be scolded.

TJ’s eyes were round as he watched Steve take the small white note from Bucky’s clutched fingers.

“Bucky, you can let it go,” Steve soothed. “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”

“I can’t…I can’t do this. I can’t…”

“Can’t do what, baby?” Steve asked, his patience never-ending.

“I’m not fine,” Bucky whispered, tears slipping from his eyes. “I’m not fine, I’m not fine, I’m not fine.”

Steve let go of the letter, wrapping his arms around Bucky. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re allowed to not be fine. You’re absolutely allowed to not be fine.”

TJ watched, frozen in his spot as he moved his head back and forth to watch Steve rock Bucky gently in his arms. Bucky’s face was buried into Steve’s chest. He wasn’t sobbing, but TJ knew them both well enough to know when they were crying.

Steve finally got a hold of the letter from Bucky’s metal fingers and flipped it open, his mouth dropping open.

“What? TJ asked, finally taking a step closer. His limp long gone. He’d made what the doctors said, “a miraculous” recovery. He wasn’t even entirely blind anymore in his right eye. It was blurry and he couldn’t see worth a damn, but there was color and blobbed shapes. The cornea was healing somehow, and the doctors had been mystified as to why.

“TJ,” Steve said, swallowing hard, squeezing Bucky a bit tighter.

Bucky sniffed one more time before pulling himself from Steve, wiping at his eyes. “I’m okay,” he said. “I just needed a second.”

“Bucky–” Steve protested.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I just…I just had a moment.”

Steve didn’t look like he was ready to drop it, but what Bucky said was final and TJ knew Steve respected that.

“What’s the letter say?” TJ asked again. “What’s going on?”

Steve held the letter out to TJ, but Bucky snatched it.

“I just wanna say this first,” Bucky began, his eyes strained and dark with the intensity he was looking at TJ with. “Whatever this means, whatever happens, it doesn’t change anything. I love you. I love you with my entire being and that will _never_ change. Okay?”

TJ’s heart stumbled in his chest. He looked at the letter, suddenly terrified of its contents.

“This doesn’t change a thing,” Bucky repeated.

TJ reached out, silently requesting the letter.

Bucky whined softly, but he relinquished it over to TJ.

TJ looked down, his soul shivering and turning to ice. His blood halted abruptly in his veins and his heart twisted in on itself. His mind shrieked and his skin clenched around him too tightly. Reading those words, it was like they weren’t even real. Like this was some terrible dream but yet everything now made sense. Why Bucky was so determined to make a point saying nothing was changing. Why he’d cried. Why Steve looked like the earth was falling and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

TJ took a deep breath, attempting to center himself as he read the letter again. Short and sweet but it had rocked their world and thrown everything into chaos:

 

_Barnes, do you want to know why TJ looks just like you? We’ll tell you._

_See you soon. Hail HYDRA._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, yes, there is a sequel. Also there is a Christmas fic [Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5543834)
> 
> But I'm taking a break probably till 2016 on the WSJK-verse to finish up the other fics I've got out.  
> At least they are all together and they love each other right??? X'D
> 
> Add me on [Tumblr!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/)  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has a photoset! [Click Me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/128191331048/we-should-just-kiss-like-real-people-do-810)  
> This fic has a t-shirt design! [Click Me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/134301871413/ill-probably-make-myself-a-shirt-of-this-one)  
> This fic has fanart! [Click Me!](http://lucidnancyboy.tumblr.com/post/129295614579/work-in-progress-got-my-boys-donenow-for-the#notes)  
> This fic has NSFW fanart! [Click me!](http://buckmebxrnes.tumblr.com/post/133900619708/hopelessgeek-he-rocked-his-hips-with-the)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Are We (We Are)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452392) by [seasonschange](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seasonschange/pseuds/seasonschange)
  * [Finding a Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7229839) by [Valorie818](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valorie818/pseuds/Valorie818)




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